¶ Intro / Opening
Music.
¶ Welcome to Chaos Critters
Welcome to Chaos Critters, a CritHippoPodcast. We are currently working on two D&D podcasts with goals to expand into other genres. You can get to know us better through our website at CritHippo.com or through our email at Nat20Hippo at gmail.com. That's Nat20, N-A-T-2-0-Hippo at gmail.com. On our website, you can also find the links to other things such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and our own subreddit, among other things.
CritHippo as a brand is new to this whole podcasting thing, and we're terrible about getting the word out. If you enjoy our podcast, do us a favor and share it with someone you like, you don't like, I don't care. Our goal is just to get it out there. We aren't looking to build the horde of a dragon here, we just want to share the game that we enjoy so much with all of you. But enough of that, let's get to why you actually came here.
¶ Episode 4, Balms Over Baghdad
Episode 4, Balms Over Baghdad. Although this doesn't have anything to do with Baghdad.
Trigger warning and an apology to any amputees our three-legged dog is working on his identity to understand how he fits in the world and how he fits with only three legs some jokes might feel inconsiderate we wanted to apologize ahead of time but i ultimately chose to keep this in due to the nature of the character's development challenges await the party leaves the presence of the king to show their mastery of puzzles i assume you're all going yeah yeah i'm eating my handful of berries,
and occasionally passing one to the bath. You looked at me when I made that phone call and asked, Actually. No, y'all don't go. I want to go play in another room. Which room do you guys in? Empty bookshelves and one stone book on the pedestal. Yep, I'm in there. Room of potential books? That sounds way cooler. A room of potential books. A cool book, of course. That seems like a bankrupt book store. I was going to say, it's just got a bunch of authors in it with writer's block.
What, potential books? It's an infinite amount of monkeys and a typewriter being a living book. It's a slightly less than infinite amount of monkeys. What's the best of times? What's the worst of times? What is this going to be? Let's put a square. F book. Okay. D is for book. D is for book. Who has the minus three? I have minus two. I think I'm the worst. It's a doctor. It was a joke. She just randomly named the worst monkey. No, it's not the worst one. It's not the worst one. It was worse.
No, like the trash bag that falls into a... A breastplate monitor trash bag. Or the dog that gets a sword. Okay. Why is nobody screaming when my boy snores? Yeah. That's my boy. He just wanted to nap. What's happening? He's like, What's happening? So the rooms can act, right? Yeah. Alright, cool. So I can see the bear. This is a soft situation to elude. I'm going to be going child as I've seen. Okay, so for you, just, This sort of thing with you to give you instructions. Did anybody go in there
and give her instructions? No. Stand on this side line. Two bars. It's a different type of line. You can look at the sound and you see it's a different type of stone. And it forms a line across the road. I'm going to stand on the other side of the line. I get a little spice through my feet. I assume the rest of you stand on the other side. He didn't say which side to stand on. Like he's standing on Possibly. Probably? You can flip switches as much as you want.
You may only check once and you must determine which switch flips which torch. How many switches are there? Then I won't. Well, see. I know. I'll let you go. Okay, that's fine. You don't have a chance, but I'll let you come in. I'll let you come in a little bit. I have to go paint. Okay. So, you can flip the switches as many times as you want. Your goal is to determine which switch flips which torch. Which switch activates which torch.
Right? You cannot, if you cross that line while flipping the switches, you can't flip the switch. It'd be accurate. Danny. I come to the other side of the line once the line situation is explained to me. You may check once to see which switch flips which torch. But once you check, it randomly... Three torches? There are three torches. And how many torches? There are three switches. Three torches. Each switch is attached to one torch.
You assume magically, because after every time you check, they randomly change. I'm sorry. Is it that we check by stepping across the line then? You check by going around the wall. So basically there is a U-shaped wall that stops you from seeing which torch is lit. And you can go around that wall to see which torch is lit. But once you go around, the switch is reorganized. So if I just flip a switch now, what happens? You could go check. Why don't we do it?
Flip a switch. But sorry, so it resets and we can't do it again? Maybe we can only check once. Then it reorganizes. Okay, but we can try again. You can try it as many times as you want. I don't understand. What's the point? To determine which switch lights which door. It's a puzzle. But if it changes... It's puzzling. The question is, if I flip one switch right now, do we see any glow or anything? No. The wall is designed so you can't. So without seeing it, we have to guess which one.
Yeah. Well, no. I can't tell you how to solve the puzzle. I'm an hour who can't solve the puzzle. We're trying to solve the switches. You're trying to figure out... Here's the rules, okay? Each switch is attached to a torch. Yeah. You can flip the switches as many times as you want. You can only check the torches once. And the goal is to have all the torches lit? No, the goal is to know which switch flips which torch. But how do we know that? That's the puzzle! No, no, no!
Listen to my question! Hey, Freckles. The answer is because Frank did not have Frank in day four. Is it like we flip a switch And we say alright that's the left torch And then we go look and see if it's the left torch But if you look Then we find all three torches before you check But then how do we know, That's the puzzle Can you let me finish a sentence Once you check they randomize So if they're all on and you check Congratulations.
Because if they're all on you don't know which switch Goes to which So how do you know because you could either have one of them on and you know which switch goes to which torch, but then you don't know the other two, or you can have two of them on. That's the puzzle. That is the trick. That is the whole point of this. Unless you get it right. But that's just guesswork. Well, that was an important sentence.
It's not guesswork because you're forgetting a very important thing about torches. There's no room. Torches are meant to think. If you have a switch turned on for an extended amount of time, you leave one switch off the whole time. Turn the other two on for like an hour or whatever. You turn off the one in the middle, you go back there. The one that's lit, the one you have still on. The one that's hot and off is the one you just turned off.
And the one that is off and cold is the one you didn't touch at all. Okay. We have to wait an hour. Barry wanders into the other room to see what happens. You don't have to wait an hour for heat to heat up on that one. Cool. We have to wait any length of time. Barry wanders into the other room to see what Bob is doing. We don't have to wait at all. I just saw Barry. Barry wanders in while you're doing this.
It automatically takes two minutes. I assume your character goes, I mean, assume I just told you how to do it. Well, so, Okay, you guys go check the books.
¶ A Room of Potential Books
But how do we figure? That's the puzzle. We'll buy a bar and we'll name it Puzzles. I see. That's ridiculous. Can you do it for me? Okay. Anyone watch baseball? I'm glad you had no friends as a child because I thought these were going to be too hard.
¶ The Torch Puzzle
It doesn't randomize in the middle of you flipping the switches it runs, yes you do That's the torch that is lit By the left switch So it doesn't randomize when you check It basically randomizes when you come back from checking So looking at them will not randomize the switches Becca, what the result was Was you turn on two of the switches You wait a while, turn one of those two off Go and look at the thing Whichever one was on is the
one that's still on Whichever one is hot is the one that you turn off You don't say that, it's horrible You kept asking, but how do we Because I had no idea what you wanted from me Even the second I said the A quick point of order. I was picturing the switch. No. They're talking about the torches. I don't do well with visual puzzles explained auditory. I was just really confused by what... It is white pocket. I see it later.
Well, let's go to the other puzzle that's definitely not going to be difficult at all. It's a riddle. It's a time riddle. On the... On the book pedestal. Sure. Are we all in there now? No. I don't know. Are you all in there? If the puzzle's over... Well, I'll give you a minute to solve it before Frank, the savant, the savant dog. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, heaters, and gray when you throw it away? Oh, I think I know that one. Is it charcoal? Wait.
You're going to know. I followed him around. The orc comes in, and then you guys start to come in. The only ones in the room right away are these two. I'm a chance to say. Say it one more time. What is black on your bio, whether you use it, or gray when you throw it away. You can wait. Charcoal. That's the end? It's not human. What? Well, the orc behind you goes, I said a dead body about seven times. It didn't work. Oh, so, I just found it. It's charcoal, like, very indefinite,
like Honey said, and I'm just trying to mimic this. Alright, cool. And then the room fills with books, suddenly, and this cracks and falls away to either side, and you see an idol laying there. What is it describing? Let me figure out what it is. What is it? Listen, it was 11.45, but I'm like, I need to go to bed. It's a pillow. It is a collar of protection. I don't want a 13 or anything anymore. Bruh. You and me both, pal.
Or for something that had disadvantage on every attack roll, I'd be getting beat. You're in a lot of doubt. You're in a lot of doubt. I'm being so proud. One. Nike! You too. I gave a puzzle to the game I run on Wednesday nights. And it was... They told me to and I couldn't do that again. Yeah. But I got poisoned so many times. I saw a guy go through a portal and this voice just said, like, 12. I said, six. The next guy goes up to the voice and says, six.
Three. He goes through. The next guy came up and the voice said, seven. You're like, two. Because all I was asking that dude was to say how many letters were in the word. Forrest Maslow. Same thing. You say my word, Forrest Maslow. So, what falls out of the thing is a ring. It drops to the ground. Does anybody want to play? Does it fit on his tooth like a really cool, like, grill kind of situation? Put it on, okay. Blaine got fingers. Yeah, I'm out of words.
We're just going to run this in here right now? Sure. Cool. I don't know. I mean, how do you put on a ring? Well, it's magical. Trying to do cool. What if I try to slide it up? You have a tail? It'll expand and then tighten. Okay, that's a little bit. You're trying to do that, but it accidentally goes the other way. That's pretty nice. Anyway, some of all, like, does it do anything? Yeah, it does. Okay, I'll just hold it. You get the peel.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Shouldn't the person who solved the puzzle get the item? Sucks to be smart about it. You didn't solve it yet, right? No, the torches we solved. No, he solved it. But then they immediately ran into the room and solved the next puzzle. My heart. You go back into the store, Trim, and look around. I pick up the ring and put it on his head. I assume that. Honey technically wasn't in the room when it happened. Yeah,
she wasn't there. You notice that the wall has collapsed. And in the wall. You mean when we were all leveling up at the beginning you didn't think about it? I forgot about this part. I definitely forgot about this part. I didn't think about it. You know. I didn't. You know. I love this tag. She's so cute. Look, she's so happy. I just don't know. When I was playing Dr. Evil, knowing I read all of that, I was just squishing the back of my head. You were apparently mad at me.
I think it's the same thing as Chet. I don't know. No, it's just that sense of just like, I just came home, you need to greet me. I think, I mean, that's how I am with the people I care about, so like. I can't get up and. People I care about. Sure. Well, Emma, I mean, you've been here for a while. Can you, like, choose? Do you want something black? I don't know, people have to retire or something. Are they close? I got one guy retired in June, and there's, like,
nobody for, like, two years. But, you know, I've got to see if you get fired. Okay. Actually, I will note this coming Friday. I would say there is a. Less than 1% chance I would use my sandal. And I wouldn't be able to make a big difference. But it's less than 1%. Okay. You see a one-foot cylinder weighing about one pound. Two-foot cylinder weighing about one pound. Hollow cylinder. You love how it opens? It's metal. You love how it opens?
Like a one-foot long metal tube. Put it on your leg. Hang it up around. Behind your side? Hollow? Can you just lean on it and then use it as a foreclosure?
¶ Solving the Switch Puzzle
Everybody bend down. Can I stand up or flat rock? Just sort of walk into a position and just switch. All around. What is it? I'll do that. Does anything happen? There's like no way you would know what it is yet. Okay, I will grab Grab it and just sort of go back into the book. Essentially just place it. Do you walk in it? Please walk in it. I told him to put it on his stomach. I think you're like tension. Yeah. You put the nub in.
And then flex. And your little muscle nub spreads out in the end of the tooth and holds it there. I'll just hold it in the pouch. We'll take a peg leg. We'll take a muscle nub. We'll take a peg leg for a while. You guys are asking me what magic items do without any way of possibly... Oh, yeah, absolutely. Okay. You're ready to identify? No. Hey, Troll, can you take us to the ducks or... It's wild. The ducks are in the room, please. I'm using a foot long.
I'm an orc. Oh, my bad. Orc, can you take us to the... Which one? Duck. Okay. Shoot that. We met the duck's room. Thanks for clearing. The room belonging to the duck. We said the duck's... it's possessive, the duck. And the Terrans are having a laugh. I'm possessive, I'm such my rank. You look like you should die. You look like you ain't. You can't... Oh man, the duck's really, like, segregated from everyone else, huh? I'm just gonna buy this.
If it's not right the first time, why not? I mean, it's your castle, how do you... The riddle didn't change. Okay, he keeps getting distracted by... ...Shiny Ring with his own tentacle. What's the way cats get distracted by laser pointing? Where are the angels at bruh here are you still good yeah I'm here I'm looking for a room with only three walls.
So I can lead you from working in the middle of the room sit down listen I've played Munchie and if you touch that we need two levels, what up duck, I've seen the Iron-Wide Duck Trilogy. Alright, so, um, Troll Orc, what's, what's, what's, what's up with this, with this room? Carrie, you're kind of like a bird. You should talk to it. Uh, sure. I'll try that. Alright, should we ask if there are instructions, like the other two rooms have instructions? We should do it. I have instructions? Alright.
What are the instructions, bro? We don't know. We can't catch the duck. Catch the duck? You want to catch the duck? There's a duck in a room, and I don't know what else to do other than catch it and ask it. Can anyone speak to animals? Yeah. You know what I've done? You have an animal friend here? What are you doing? All right. So you guys. Do you want here to talk to her? Should I try? She's basically a bird. Yeah. So I could just leave her.
I'm going to wave my wings around at it and try to get it to pay attention to me and say, saying, hey, duck, what you doing? That could never be anything. Hey, try waggling a carrot and say, what's up, duck? Don't forget we're playing across the regions. What? I just thought of it. Like how I just thought of it. I can see you. Does anyone have any sort of dispel magic? What if it's not a duck? I mean, yeah, I could try putting it to sleep. Yeah, you could do it. Yeah, I'll do that.
Hey, Kira, you're not within ten feet of the duck, right? I can't have the way. It's a long line spell. And it's 5v8. Honestly, I think this would work if I take a die from every last one of these. One more d8. I have three. Four. I'm sorry. Alright, here we go. You got five. All this is going to work. Yeah, it's gonna work. Don't do that.
28. the duck falls to the right and it's the duck up my tentacles and offers the orc you pick the duck up the duck disappears well and in your tentacle, freaking void beast if it's a quickling I'll put this if it's a quickling I instantly kill it turns into an ice dragon and then we all fight it freaking remorse, And I'm mimicking a dog. It's a dog? I just sort of picked it up. It's a dog? Maybe it's like you're dying as a dog. I just touched things that I shouldn't.
For example, Dungeon. In Harry Potter, they were called... Boggarts. Boggarts. You never saw Boggarts, though. That's what they actually looked like. I was wondering what would happen if you did. My biggest fear is void. Could I kill a Boggart, or would it just make a black hole? Like, would the Boggart become nothing? It'd probably become a record. So, could I destroy the ramp because it turned into a black hole? Maybe we just select a picture. Yeah, that's not Seattle.
My fear is too abstract. Yes, the bottom of the ocean. Space. If J.K. Rowling ever writes a book, it goes into Boggarts. 22 years after that, that's where it passes by. How about Boggarts again? Yeah, that's true. If you do it then, put it in the book. Boggarts again. Stop ignoring it in the book. Don't tweet about it.
¶ The Necklace Discovery
Oh, it's the poor girl. Okay, in your hands is a necklace. In the tentacles. Yeah, in your tentacles is a necklace. It doesn't say. Yeah, I just sort of hold it out to the rest of you. And Moana? Imagine his belt. Honey wore a necklace? Honey leaned down. There you go. The necklace. I mean, I have this very nice belt. Honey is wearing a necklace now. Honey's got a necklace. I would like to ask you, how long have you been in this castle?
Were you born in the pale blue? Yeah, I don't know how much of it works. It's not like... It's not like I'm doing... A while. I was like, oh wow, and you've been trying these every day. Ooh. And like, y'all are leaving once we saw them. And what did you pick? You've got a weird cylinder. A hollow cylinder. So that's the other thing. Oh gosh, I got this ring. That is now on my tentacle.
Maybe we should try it further in New York, whoever it is in the main up front, so they could succeed in the war. I don't know if it made everyone smart. I have exactly the same set of displacing beasts. Does it take us to the last? I have an average displacing beast. I think displacing beasts can talk anyway. Do you do magic spells now? No! Well, I got my key, I guess. Yeah, because I'm a month. I can do minor illusion. That's really it.
Yeah, I can speak. I can speak common. That's why I will speak common. The angels? Yeah, into the angels' room? Yeah.
¶ Entering the Angels’ Room
Go that way. Oh, yes. Mike is the one. Sorry, I'm not supposed to have a 99.10 because he's shorter. He said, you can go that way. We're King Jason Lee. I'm a head-racking. Are the angels just like, wait, birds? There are statues of angels in all four corners I was just going to say, do they move if we don't look at them? That would be cool As you enter the room what you mainly see is magical darkness Oh, I can do that Magical darkness in the center of the room and you look ahead There you go.
I thought I'd tell You look to either side and you see an angel statue on this side and an angel statue on this side. Oh, Becca. Each angel statue seems to be holding out a sword pointing towards the center and a column of rays. All four of them are doing that? The two that you can see from here, unless you can see through magical darkness. Oh, so the darkness goes across the whole room. Oh, got it, got it, got it. You're at the entrance. There's no possible.
I liked Becca's I liked Becca's plan. What'd she say? I squeaked into the darkness. She squeaks into the darkness. She echolocates with her blindsight. She does. She can see an object in the center that looks like a fountain. There's some sort of a fountain in the middle, guys, but I'm not sure how we get in there. I mean, we could just walk in, but that seems dangerous. That seems too obvious. I'm going to try to skirt the darkness and see what's on the other side of the room.
Because it doesn't go well with the wall, right? No. You can skirt around it, and you see angels in the other two corners. Y'all, there's more angels over here. Can I have the exact same pose? Yeah. I put one paw out and put a tentacle, like I have a sword. I take the tentacle, you know, I paw out and put it like a sword. Is it like all carved out of one piece of stone? Uh, it looks like one piece of stone. What'd you say? Can I move over like this one, and then like this one?
Put my awful thing into its open hand? Did I do anything? No. That sucks. It's like the worst of high five. Thank you. Is it like an out like it wants to grab something or it's like a- Can I see that they can- Does anyone have like a dispel? Nah, bruh. No. If I lean on it or like try to push it, does it move? The statue? Can I be here? Okay. There's no writing anywhere. I want to reach my claw for the darkness. You're a healer. You can no longer see your hand. Pull it back.
You can see your hand. It's real dark in there Hey honey, can I get one of those berries? I hand you a berry Cool, I started the doctor Roll a B20 Hey, look at you and your 60 intelligence. 17 You hear it bounce off of something And the angels move inward All at once And then Well, they all go into the darkness They all go into the darkness They're there for like a second I do that do that again, but As soon as they enter the darkness, right?
Well, I don't know how I feel about change it's using honey It feels like everyone's either being like, oh honey or like really patronizing if it makes you feel better Are you calling the pond if I was being patronized? There's no harm. There's an episode of Your mother all honey. Yeah, Alright, so I think the keyword Mike, Ian said is reset, which means they move, right? Yeah, they all went into the darkness and came back out.
You should do that again, but Kira should scream at it right when they're all in there. As soon as they enter, I want to relocate and do it. Alright, cool. Hey, honey. Actually, let me just get five berries real quick. How many did you drive last? I've been eating them this whole time. Okay, there's stones on the ground. Well, I'm sure for a fact you have five berries, alright? I will run around and get thrown at the berries. I mean, you could probably
find them. Alright, your berry's back. I don't want to pick up your snack. I pick up these stones and I roll a 20. He rolled a 20, so can I adopt that 20? Sure. Alright, thanks. She screams at the same time. Kira sees all four angels go into the darkness and their sword tips meet in the middle. Like, high up? Or dead left? touch. Like a little apple tower situation? Where the average person might be. It's the same thing with apple towering.
What'd you say, Becca? It looks like they're gonna chop someone. They're gonna all cut towards whatever's in the center. I just wanted to go with that one. Oh, dang. Second corner is in the party. So, if I go in low, does it look like I get stabbed? At least with where they stab, they're stabbing up where a normal person's head would be. When the stone was started, did Kira see what it hit that made them move forward? Yeah. The fountain. It hits a fountain. Nowhere in particular.
How far in is the fountain? Could I, like, reach a tentacle in there? It's in the middle. So, let's say the room is 30-plus square. Hold on. So, the swords, thorns, whatever, don't do that. They are pretty much penetrating the fountain or something? What's that? Come on. They're not penetrating. But they're surrounding the fountain. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. The swords go over the top of the fountain when they meet. Do you think maybe the fountain couldn't differentiate what is being poured
into it? Like, could we get a bucket and fill it from the boat? You're a kangaroo. You piss standing up. Can you kiss from a distance? Sure. I pee from a distance into the fountain. You're kidding.
¶ Puzzling Over the Fountain
Just fly above it and it's in the mountain i i could try that or do we have like a you know none of us have paintings we're all talking animal that's true all i have is a belt that i wouldn't mind losing so i got i got belt and we got some pebbles i want to turn to the Can we get a bucket of water in here? Just piss. The orc is in a different room. The orc stayed with the duck room. If I go into the darkness, I'll reload to the ground. The angels don't move, right?
I'll probably stick my first torso in my body. Holy shit, he'll keep me retired, won't he? Yeah, he's been having a lot of fun. If I just reach out with one tentacle and touch the base of the fountain. I have ten foot reach of the tentacles. The angels come in. Cool, but they don't hit me because they're just, What's your reach? 10 foot So now they want to I just fly over top and do whatever we want I'm definitely willing P.M.F.M.
There's no way it's going to be enough Becca My sister basically just said I can get on top and I'm up for anything Yeah, pretty much It's weird, she's like Like, I'll ban someone if they want to. Is it more weird that you've just seen Zane with your dick? No. I am going to leave the room and try to find a pocket of a liquid substance. Okay. I just keep telling Kira to piss in the fountain. Piss in the fountain! I'm just telling Kira to piss in the fountain.
I'd fly overhead and do so. You hear water. Like, apart from the piss? I mean, when the water hits the fountain, I activate and then reset. Maybe you have to fill the fountain. How big is the fountain? Can I tell? Probably too big for you to piss into. It is. It's a tiny hand size pot. From the bat's perspective, it is about 10 foot radius? No. 5 foot radius? It's a pretty big fountain, guys. See the back of it. Yo, this really is what that one saw.
We all gotta put a little bit of blood in. But if we don't all make it, we don't all put a little bit of blood in. We don't have to put anything in. Maybe we'll get something out. So I know she... I think the only thing in it now is... Come on, Frank, the puzzle king. Can I come back with a bucket? A bucket? It's not blind. I'll just try to, like, lift it. Do you want me to just... Yeah, yeah. I got more reach. Oh, yeah, or... Full bucket full of whatever is in there.
Full bucket full of shit. Yeah. You hear water spill onto the floor. What do the angels do? They, when the water hits the other water, they... This is not a riddle, but... And then reset. This is an actual bug. It is a riddle. Okay, how about this? How about we stop pouring things into it and try to scoop out water from it out? Well, that's like very, very bad. Yeah. Let's just see what happens. I'm going to jump up on top of the fountain in the darkness. us. Hopefully, I can get there.
Well, it's not like it's center. Oh, it's like a flat. I'm going to try to get where the swords are coming in, and then when I see them approaching, I'm going to cast Shield. See what happens. I want to see if maybe it's like the swords feel they hit something. Champion? Would you order them to blink away? Nah, he's just trying. Okay. He's just going for the impact. So the angels come in. I hope that they don't hit you. What is Shield? It would also stop like magic.
These things aren't rolling. I can't really miss you. You're standing in there. Frank's freaking hard hearing it. It needs blood. We'll find that quick one. Piercing damage. Aren't you still covered in that? We'll blink back to the... Maybe. Did they get you? Did it stop anything? So when they all rush into the middle, is there anything left on the outside where they were standing? Do you bleed in the power of the law? I assume I bleed in the power. Yeah, you bleed in the power.
How about this? How about someone throw some other back into it? I'll stand. Will one of the angels disappear? Hold on. Before we... Okay.
¶ The Mage Hand Experiment
The angel. I was going to say, I have Mage Hand. Rather than throwing something in, I want to see if I just stick my Mage Hand over into the fountain and splash around. Does that activate them? Yes. Can I stand in the way of one of them? I'm going to end the next thousand turns touching the fountain to activate them. Yeah, that's fine. If she stands where the angels were, does it just come back and flatten her? It would come back and shorten me. Are you standing where they were?
That's what she said. I have none. You saw I'm coming back at you real fast. I'm going to say stop. I hopped out the way. Okay. Is there anyone who might want to maybe break the fountain and see what happens? I don't know. I thought somebody, you know, maybe she screamed really loudly, Becca. You can't discern if there's writing on it. Well, I have Thunder Wave. Maybe that would bring it. Did you not take Shatter? No, I have Thunder Wave.
Okay. That kind of echolocation, patient by site wouldn't say if there was anything, written on it. No, it wouldn't. And no one has anything to dispel the magical darkness. No. This is what happens when you throw an actual puzzle in D&D and you're a braille master. Well, like, there's no writing anywhere. Right, it's hard to describe. It seems like they meet at a point. We can put stuff at the point. Hey, dog, nothing happened. Interesting question, perhaps.
I know we rested not that long ago, but we knew a wizard in the group. Would the wizard be able to pick up any spells if we took a rest that might be helpful? You can't take a rest if it's been less than 24 hours. That's a wonderful reason, right? Well, you could probably take a short rest. But she can't change spells. Listen, I've got three spells left. That's only swapping spells she already knows. That's not swapping. That's not like having access to the cleric.
What are the full wizard spells? Wizards can only switch off spells that are in their spellbook. They can't pick it. Thunder is a fiction. No. I'm thinking Thunderwave. Originating from me. You can put the side of it in front of you. Do you want to do that? As long as none of us are standing in the 15 foot cube. Thunderwave! You hear a very loud... Everyone in this castle hears this sound.
¶ Objects for the Angels
Nothing. thing i can find if if you're an echolocation fountain still there isn't looking for any damage, is the sound like it's just the boom it's thunder with yeah it's not like from a fountain yeah no the fountain seems unarmed by any magical effect do we have to kill something in the fountain what happens if we hit the angels what if i bite the angels if you bite the angels if you bite the angels the sword really that's the
part you're going for it's like a rapier so it's kind of kind of sharp put stuff in their hands then we only got three things the four angels no we do have objects but the angels are all identical listen give them objects put them in their hands and we'll see what happens if nothing happens then you pick those objects back up, put my ring in one of the angels hands damn right you do great my necklace over an angel's neck damn right you do I take my ring back.
So, we don't know. We don't know anything about it. Hold on. That's right. Yeah. I want to go ask the orc if they have... Have they ever killed anyone in the fountain with a sword? Do they even know there's a fountain in there? They do have a magic lady. While they're doing that, can I put a pebble at each one of the angel's hands? We need a bugbear one. We don't want a bugbear. Is there a bugbear in there? There you are. We need that.
We'll do that in the thing in the middle. The sword's coming. I need to kill them. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what we do have to lose. I'll put the pebble in each one of the angels' hands. That says nothing. Pebble, no. She just put a pebble in her hand. But he said the pebble. Maybe it's not... And when they move, there's nothing on the ground where they were or on the wall behind them that will block? No, it's not like a mechanical thing. There's no writing on any of the angels
or anything like that. Or on a wall in here. What's that? There's no writing on the walls or on the angels or their pedestals. No. And none of us can make light happen? What do you mean? doesn't light go through magical backgrounds? I think, what, sunlight? Daylight? Yeah, it's a pitfall. What's the ground look like in here? I'm going to just read the word out. It's seven. And you're not going to be alone. Okay.
If I try to break one of the angel's swords, like if I just hit it real hard, it's not a race. These are enchanted. Alright, what if I just hook the ground beneath one of the angels or the fountain, and then I'd show it? It's loose earth. It's not stone. Choose a portion of dirt or stone that you can see with the ring. Okay, then you would move it and the angel's face would affect it. Blurring. Yeah. And then undo the fountain and redo the same thing? Alright.
I feel like it's really... How do I do it? You want an interview. I don't have enough information to work on. So, it is a room filled with It was Magical Bar. Yeah. A bar. Was there anything you found before we started, like, pissing in it? No. Okay. Just flowers. Oh, yeah. And there are angels in it. Pointing their weapons towards them and holding their hand up. Wine? Wait, didn't that Jesus do something with wine? As a dog? This is not that great, so I'm going to go in and drink. The angels.
But they're coming in at an angle. I'm standing. Their swords cling above you. You taste wine. Maybe we have to illuminate. That's normal water. No. How do we get rid of the magical darkness? That's the problem. Magical darkness, you can't just put a light on. Wait, the water cleaned itself? Sorry. It's magic. Oh, cool. So try the air purifying. Drink all the water. I'm going there and helping drink all the water. One of our tries has been taking water out, right?
Yeah, we just did that. If I sneak a tentacle in it, can I feel anything in there other than the two berries? No, just water and stonework. If you stay touching the fountain, do the angels stay in the middle? Or do I just keep... Well, do they reset if you stay touching the fountain? If he has to roll for it, it's not important. No. If I stay touching the fountain, do they come back in once they reset? Or if I was in the same conduct with the fountain, it sort of doesn't you know,
that neuron doesn't the sodium chloride finish. I don't know if the exact same thing. Can I just wheel around in the fountain and see if there's any objects in it? There's nothing in it. I did that. There's nothing in it. I know. Do all of the angels have left hand like this? Right hand like that? I think the other way, but you're always right. I take the necklace off the angel that I put it on What if we toss those items in the fountain? I'm like Yeah.
Yeah but not magic stuff Alright I toss it in, You hear Well that's the noise that it would make if you threw it into water It's not like a groundbreaking noise If nothing happens please by any chance return the items to everybody Okay it's going to take you a little bit, of feeling around the net and grab everything. Even with your squeakers. It's okay, because let me tell you, it's already taken a little bit.
I have nothing to work on. I mean, true striking work. Can I cast Firebolt at one of the angels? Yeah. No, just give you the... I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. Your target defenses? The flame hits the angel and moves into its hand. Why the freak set them on fire? As if it's now holding the Firebolt? Oh, oh, oh. fire in all the hands, throw something in the middle. I cast fire bolt on the next angel. Same thing happens.
She doesn't do it on the last one. Same thing happens. Three angels happen. Barry does nothing. I put my hand on the fountain. The angels rush in and rush back out. And does the darkness go away? Yeah, the darkness is firing. If they rush back out, does the fire go away? Did you light the fourth one? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, then the magical darkness is disposed. Cool. And you see a shimmering pool in the middle. Um, Kira, obviously that's yours. Did we win?
What happens if we chuck it now? The angels still come at us. No, they are deactivated. And the pools, the fountain actually starts to, squirt the water up into Yeah, a little fountain. It's actually like the Bellagios, and then they get the music on. Yeah, and it's there because we just finished the place. Perceptional. Perceptional. Is it on sound for everybody? Yeah. Sorry. Mike, is it sound or not? Eleven. No, it's sight. Nine. Nine. Thank goodness you're here.
You notice that the water is the normal water, and there are some vials lined up along the fountain. Did you get injured, one of you? There is also a fan rotating on top, like a decorative fan rotating on top of the water. You mean like a fold-out fan? Yeah. Before we touch the fan, we should get some water in case... I'll fill my house with water. I'm gonna get about... It's like you just went to sleep and woke up in the morning all...
Normal. Work like a lawn ripper. Holy guacamole! How many vials? One, four, five. No, hold on. I took my vial and I put it on my couch. As part of my kit, I have 45 vials. You can fill them. I don't have any more. Honey's vial is in my pouch. Well, you should have kept two pouches. I put my vial in your pouch. Yeah, I got three vials in a pouch. I don't know where to hold off. I guess I might have to put mine in your pouch too for the moment.
She clinks when she walks How can Can Kira Correctly get her fan, That's disgusting I think you're right but that's disgusting What did you say what about Kira Kira can you just get your fan now Yeah I think that's yours girl, You frickin' nailed it with that fireball. Okay, you grab the fan. Cool. Then we just get the flying creature like a wind fan. She's gonna frickin' use the fan and fly the other way. Shut the recoil down. Alright, close the window. Yo, Ork! Where you at, son?
I'm out of here. Alright, well, we've done everything we need to do. Come on, Fury. Where we going? Going back to the king. Where that giggling child is? Yeah. No. Forget about the child. Okay. Yeah, we'll go back to it. Yeah, why not? Yeah, cool. This took probably 40 minutes of our time. Yeah. Yeah. Only because pranking about the torches already. Because that would have taken a lot longer. It would have taken a lot longer.
Still sad on that information, though. If the angels were anything different, I'd forget the top. All right, so, King, we've done all the things we need to do. Can we appropriately parlay now? Sure, sure, sure. That wasn't parlay. Yeah, wait, what is that part of it? You said do the challenge. Once we solve these puzzles, you leave. Yeah, you do the challenge. I get the treasure. No, that's an added thing. You didn't even establish that at all. Exactly.
The royal guards around the room start to tighten their grip. And I slip up my waist. All right, fine. And you remind her of Lucien to look like I have a scary feeling. We're going to the room for like an hour. We'll see if everyone gives a little attention. We gotta confirm. We gotta confirm.
We gotta call, uh, we gotta call, call him milky tea make sure that he's done I'm gonna hotline bling this phone and Mrs. Almond pig and then we're going to get some things done roll perception yep this is sight-based it's made of metal you're done today it's a seven you're done today, is that a 20 or a four 22 better. Bye. What do we got? 22. Okay. Roscoe. You're looking at your butt. You're looking at your butt. We both rolled 19.
All right. You're safe. You're safe. No, I'm with you. Fair is not winning. Fair is not going to be difficult, but, like, I'm with you. Okay. Who rolled? Let me figure out what the fuck I needed. Jesus. Okay. Who rolled over 11? Okay. You three, notice, behind by the throne, behind the queen, a little creature runs by. Okay. That little creature, like... It's a little orc? It looks like a tiny old man. Like a Benjamin Button? I'm kind of glad I don't see this. Alright,
cool. Alright. I do that picture-ass dog head thing. What? Yeah, what happened? You know? Yeah, what is that? What's what? No, that little Benjamin Button thing. That little small thing. That thing. That little small thing. That thing right there. What is that? What do you mean? Can I stop it with my mage hand and grab it? What thing? That thing. Mage hand can only lift ten pounds, so no. It's bigger than ten pounds, okay. It's a good person. Yeah. Well, it's a small thing.
Kiki Queen, what is that little small thing that I just saw? What? Our daughter? Yes. It looks like a tiny little... I don't know if that's your daughter. What do you mean, little old man? Wait, this is going on. Can you let that out? We discussed it. No, what do you mean, little old man? And the queen and a guard look around the back of the table, or the back of the throne, and go, what the? It's your daughter. I'm still here. He's here for the daughter. That's it. We're almost here. It's here.
Oh my. I'm just really glad it wasn't their daughter But we're gonna get bad marks on this part Cause we Cause these orcs just haven't ever And all of a sudden You see a bright light Shoot out of the queen pan Oh frick bro, I can't get over that But The spell And you see it clash at the floor or by the... The spellboard. Whatever. Yeah, she fired it behind the throat. So either she's shooting the thing, she's shooting her daughter, or she's shooting the royal guard.
Recognize what this thing is at all? It's not even all the thing, is it? Roll initiative. Oh, come on! Well, that's good. Did Omin fake the thing that's supposed to be monitoring? You made me roll such bad initiative. You didn't do that? What's in everything? The nine? So is mine. Yep. I got myself a solid four. Boy, we are garbage. What'd you got? At least you broke ten. Listen, about the need to roll. Can orcs be more exciting than us? They might.
Listen, don't attack any orcs unless they attack you first. Maybe we're always trying to make a tiny old man. What'd you roll again? I got a nine that was slightly better than her nine because I have a dex and she does not. So it goes me and then Bob both with nines. What'd you get, Frank? 14. You got enough. What'd you get? 11. It looks like you're doing well in pairs. And Kira? Four. We should have, like, waited an hour in the fountain room and then gone back.
But to be fair, we didn't go there for entertainment. I won't remember. Wow, bad one. Okay. Champion. Do I see the thing that she shot a bolt of whatever at? It's behind this room. You are not behind this room. How far from the throne? 20, 25, 30. You're 25 from next to the throne, but But to see behind it, you would have to go there. Move 10, blink, and we pass. I'm going to move 15 feet towards the throne. Okay, you're on the table. I'm going to blink to a position where I can see
what's behind. Becca, in no way can you see this combat. Nope. Can we maybe just, like, I'm not actually out. No, no, no. How far is it from you? How far is it from you? Like 10 feet. I am going back, back, It's not, it doesn't look blurry or anything, right? No, it looks like a little old man that he's wearing a red hat. I'm going to cast Witch Bolts on it. Okay. Because at second level. What kind of hat is it? Red. Because this is a short roll for me. The shot is not here right now.
I'm going to use my Agitek. It's a little blurry. Okay. 17 plus 5 is 22. That hits. It's a good rumble, Stillskin. You motherf- know it. Rumble, Stillskin. You guys ain't got any rum in the yoo-hoo, do you? Wrong. Like Rommel's dance? Oh, Big Daddy. So it takes... The last three ones. Well, I think this year. Nine points of lightning damage. Okay. And then I will use the last, I think I have 15 feet movement left, to sort of get towards the end of the
table, closest to the... Samuel, what's the back matter? Why don't you... Where is that? What? Do you guys know what it's like? I do. Honey? Honey is really confused and says, what's going on? Because she didn't see it. He just said tiny dude. It's not a tiny dude in a hat, which is kind of what we're all shooting at. But can I even see it? No. So, I guess I'll... Don't pull the bang now. Or if there's a little bit of the bang, is that enough to get me to it?
Well, right. 25 to 30, yeah. You can see it. Bless me with the fact that real harvest is not a piece of cake. He tried to pin it to the ground. Oh, nice. I don't know that the guard's going to let you fly. Oh, that would be stupid. Then I'm going to put my paw on the guard and be like, Let me see! Let me see! And if I get attacked, I'm going to multi- Maybe if you want to make, like, let's say, like, a rushing charge, you could probably try and barrel
through the guard in front of, like, a strange check. You attacked it, right? With a little dude. So, yes. Not an orc. Not the orc. The little old man in the red hat. So, strength? 19. Well, that is what it is. Okay. Okay. What? He rolled a 17 plus. I rolled a 17. Yeah. I'm stronger than you. So. I'm stronger than you. So, are you holding any actions or doing anything? No. Okay. Bad guy number two, which is the big old orb. Why, though? This one's going to move there to block the boobar.
I mean, they're not necessarily attacking us. Yeah. These are moving forward this way. If they do, they'll compare. Apparently. They already attacked. Bad number three would be the king and the queen. The king is... I'm back in here. Jim, go back there. The king is... Wait a minute. Jim, go back to Jim. Jim, go back there again. All right. The king is willing to let loose a battle cry. It will affect everyone in him because he wants to save him. He yells, save my daughter. Who is your daughter?
He looks at you like... Wait, is there... Did I, like, miss something? thing is there actually like a young orc in the room yeah oh yeah i'm in front he said it i thought you might like okay there's an old man i'm sorry i miss i misunderstood i thought there was a room somewhere back there that was like closed and he kept hearing this kid crying i didn't realize there was a key there was a baby or a child back there cool okay so he does that and then he He attacks.
He throws his spear. Throws two spears. And they both miss. We then... I am concerned about the number of people getting attacked by this guy and doing nothing. Well, I can't do something. I just keep going through. Oh, because of which role? The queen will cast Warding Bond on our daughter. How old is the daughter? Now that I'm aware of the daughter's physical, don't you dare, Kat. There is no way to know that information, especially in the midst of that.
Well, I apparently already knew she was there That's fine It's true, All you knew was there was an orc child back there because Frank told you. Can we suss it out at all? Like, happy quinceañera party? No. Okay. I was looking for, like, toddler teenager. You don't know she's 15, and you don't know if they respect the Mexican tradition of a quinceañera. Look, you didn't say they weren't. Do I have to ask? It's true. It's a good question. Good question. I don't know if there's,
like, a Happy B'nai Mitzvah thing or anything. That would be if there were multiple children. I don't know if a Happy Bar Mitzvah thing or anything, right? No. No. No sweet 16-dayers. I'm not. No, no, no. Oh, Gorkin's a very paternal customer of him. Probably more of a cat. Barry, Barry, your turn. He didn't say the word in there, so I had to ask. What is the battle cry doing for me? That's a good point, Ash. Damn it, Mike. Each creature of Gorkin's choice is a child in the room.
That is within 30 feet, can hear it and can hear it and not already affected by it, gains advantage on attack rolls until the start of the Warchief's next turn. Heck yeah. A warchief can then make one attack as a bonus action. So he's going to throw him the spear. Oh, heck yeah. That one hits. Damn it. This is probably the only way I can do my actions. So you can keep your witch holding. No fear. Oh.
Cat. Hey, did my moving away from this guy give him total color from me? Did I see him at all? Cat. What do you mean? I'm not trying to say this. When I moved away from the guy, I hit with witchful. Did I put too much in between us that you can say he has total cover? I can't say that. Where's the little leader? He's behind the throne, apparently. Does he have a figure? I don't think he has a figure. I'm also concentrating. It's the little sword thing. The girl doesn't really have a thing.
Alright, so it's my turn? Who's the king of? Can I jump my displacer butt onto the throne and then tend to down behind the throne? because I don't think there's space for me unless I'm like you know, for that. Yeah, I'll get a tentacle. Tentacle. Tentacle. We are gonna melee a weapon attack and that's what I do best. 40 feet of movement got me up there, right? I didn't have to answer for that. How big is the room? The room? Let's say 40 feet. Where? We are going to Flurry of Blows it.
I don't know how I want to hit things, but this is kind of my jam. Kind of what I'm here for. Scariot Blows. Yeah, so we're going to Flurry of Blows it, so one time I'll strike and then two. I don't remember you have advantage on all your attacks this turn. I'll go all in between these again! Alright, boy. Alright, well, that's fine. I'll bring that up.
It is such a control I love the way it's rolling I love the way it's rolling Listen, it's all good Wow, alright, well that's a very robust time to run But that one got better Oh, and that one turned into a crit, baby! Alright, well So we got a crit on one of the unarmed blows, unfortunately And then we got a 23 on one of the On the Tentacle blow And then the other unarmed blows Yeah, okay So, crit is gonna be double damage, do I add the plus 3 twice or just once?
Just once. Okay, so that's going to be 9 bludgeoning from the unarmed strike. Wait, the plus 3 is? Is my strength modifier. Yeah, just once. Just once, okay. So, 9 bludgeoning from the unarmed strike and then 6 bludgeoning and 3 piercing from the... Okay, I did that. 9, 6, 3, 18. 18. Does bludgeoning versus piercing matter? No, but 18. That was a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious attack that I'm going to do again next time.
All right. All right. I'm happy. I'm happy. I beat a man. I beat a man good. That's all I can do. What's that? Toggle? 18. Toggle? Yeah. Max Tide is so close to that. It's so weird when you roll Max Tide with John Regular and Baylor. Okay, that's Mary Moss. Alright, because I often don't know what I'm doing. I'm about to do Sleep. Wait, wait, girl. Sleep is a radius. Which means it goes by from these hit points to most. Yeah.
It might put the kid to sleep first. It might not. Is this your battle music? This is Bob's new song. All right, fine. Do you agree with that? Good advice. All right, fine. I'm just going to... I'll take your advice. But we have it. I will sleep a month. I will sleep a month.
¶ Unveiling the Witch Bolts
You can use your new song. Here we go. So we're going to... I'm just going to choose the little blind old Benjamin Button dude. And I'm going to say... So what's the thing? All right. Choose one creature that you can see within range to... Sorry, I can't do that. So, I jump. Thank you. I assess to Jane. I appreciate it. Choose one creature that you can see within range to make a constitution saving throw. If it fails, the target is either blinded, that's what I choose, not death.
For the duration at the end of each of its turns, the target can make a constitution saving throw. On a success, the spell ends. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of third level or higher, you can Oh, never mind. So, is there a save, or is he blind? until he gets a cost. Cost of chooser. He's a 13. That's not gonna do it. That's a nine. No, you're blinded by the lie. No, everyone gets a double. I'm gonna dump like a deuce.
Everyone already had a deuce. That's why I'm making this face if you like it. It's a double advantage. It doesn't matter. Okay, that's Bob's turn. Kira. Well, hopefully when bad guy does anything, he will be okay. That's me in that back corner there, right? Back here, yeah. Yeah, that's you in the corner. Stop! Stop taking my line! That's like the third time tonight! Can we take a pic? What do you mean? Does anybody look, like, of the enemies, does anybody look particularly...
There's just the one tiny man we're playing at this point. I thought I heard someone attack one of the orcs. No! Almost. I tried to take that away, but... Alright, in that case, Hi, Gobi! Spoiler. I'm going to cast fireballs at him. He was never particularly quick on the cross. I'm going to put you up in the air over here. Okay. Just to say that you can have, like, visualization on him. Because you would not be able to see him from the back of the room.
I tried to stop her. She will not be taken. That's a 19 to hit him. That hits. No. No, we can't chat. And that'll be three fire damage. Okay. Burning down the house. This guy's looking real clever. Is he really? But now it's his turn. He's blind. And he will raise his weapon in the air and scream and go into a rage. Son of a bitch! Hey, we're wiping down and just in half. He just kind of laughs because she thinks it's cute.
Time to go burn. And then he will swing on the child. No! Not funny anymore. No! Look at American Ninja Warrior. He will swing at the child. Disadvantage. Are you blind? That's one swing. Sure, anyway. That swing misses. If he hits once, the child takes, or would take, nine damage, but it's halved to four. The child is bloody. No! Because the orc woman takes the other four. Okay, we have to go one more round.
I'm picking her up next time. If nobody else does, I'm just going to take my hand and spikes on the inside. I'm going to gently with the back hand lift her out of the way. The little man takes his thighs and wipe the blood on his hat. I'll get the red cap. I wouldn't. It's okay. A little mushroom did? No. So we're getting channels of power. They dip their cap in the blood of their enemies. It now gains plus one to attack all of Damagor's enemies. I learned that.
I'm about to move that child, so, fine. And it's Champion's turn. I use my action. The lightning pulse once more. Okay. I know hers. I can picture, like, little casers. Four damage. Two equals. Twenty-four. four. Bonkers. Statistically admirable. Bonkers. Good thing it was a guaranteed hit, though. Okay. All right. Now is Honey. What harm did it do? Bomb of the Summer Gorge. On the child. On the child. And how much does that heal for? Three. Okay.
This Lexi has got the joke on. So now I'm going to try and frostbite the easy little man. Okay. Screaming. Shows con face. Question. Sixteen. Was the red cap also really pissed about the whole Summer Fae magic thing? Yeah. Like the quick one was? Yeah, he was pissed too. It is now the orc's turn. Wait, before it's the orc's turn, Honey's gonna go bring it! There we go. Trying to distract me. Have you ever seen a bear make that like, get out of my motion?
They just continue to rearrange. The big ones go next. This big one is gonna go and try and smash the The red guy? Yeah, that was me out of character. My bad, I'm sorry. Your family members were out of character when you were working. I thought I did. I was already out of the thing yesterday. That's wild. Our very, very first D&D review has someone who does that every time. I'm still a bad character. He was the only one who did. Mild. Not yesterday. Oh, no, was he? He hit some hard.
This guy is like, but still like, I won the end. Oh, yeah, I got a roll for the blindness. Yeah, roll for the blindness. What was it a con save? 13. Yeah. Wait, you got a roll for the blindness? Yeah. You saved again. 14. So you saved the blindness. Saved the blindness. Can you see again? It is now Barry's turn. That does put a little bit more of a dent. Does he look real bad? He looks real bad. Guess we got any legs? You got spaghetti,
Larry. But I know I'm... I'm like a leaky bowel. No, I'm going to have advantage. Why? No one's going to have advantage, correct? You still have advantage because bad... Oh, this is the king's turn. That's the king, yeah. So actually, it would be the queen's turn and the king's turn. Sorry, my bad. No, you get it. Who in the NPC killed you? Queen. Use power word kill. Barry's going to be real upset if he doesn't get to kill anything today.
Gives another shot with this guy in bolt thing. And it hits. What is guiding bolt? 3d6 and advantage on it first. 3d6 plus 1d6 per level. Plus 1d6 per level. So 5d6. That's not a level 3? Yeah. You shouldn't start a fight with these guys. 13. 17 damage and he dies. And his corpse is glowing because you have a badge. It is glowing. I'm sorry. It was 4d6 plus 1d6. It does. He's real dead. He's extra dead now. Triple dead.
It's covered in little girl blood. I get off the throne. I just want to be king with a hat. Are we out of initiative? You're out of initiative? Thank God. Then I'm going to walk over and ride to put my paw on the weight. I think you can heal in water unless she didn't take that much of a hit.
¶ The Treasures Revealed
I thought I had healing touch it is actually healing word so I am just going to cast healing word on the small child from a distance does warding bond share healing as well at least not the way I've always, I'm going to say, now that we have not only solved your puzzles, but also saved your daughter's life, I think it's time you hold up your edge of the bar and take it out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! You're a girl! Chill! The giant orc grabs your hand and holds back from touching the girl.
I say help. I help. In saying help, she helps the girl. And the queen walks up to the girl and scrubs her hair and heals her from the one hypocrite that she's still missing. Okay. Oh, good. Very good. So, what the hell just happened? King and Queen. Who the fuck is that? Well, when you break your own bridge to your center. Murderer. Murderer? Okay. Well, where does that stand with us? I mean, you good? Are you guys alright? You can keep two treasures.
Well, don't we have like an hour to think about it? Can you tell us what it does? The Queen goes, they stupid. Not me. Do you know what they do? You want to run. No. With treasures. No. You get no. I want to know what it does. What it does. Any of these treasures. Lay them before. Okay. I just put my tentacle on the table, ring still on it. You want to decide which treasures to get before I identify? No. No. Once you identify, then I want to pick.
Put my real front paw and my fake front paw on the table. I just sort of rolled my pillow there That's where it wobbled She points at the Big ball, I want her. She points at the real paw first. She goes, that's a blink dog. Barry says, oh shit, real quietly in his breath. But it's blue. She points at the other She points at the other the fake paw and she says that's Chima Boban. You point it at each thing, door, lock, any type of lock. It's like, no. And you chime. Oh, well, not this.
Anything you can see within 120 feet, any lock you can see within 120 feet, you can point the chime at it and ring the chime and it will unlock one lock on that door or whatever. What's that? No, there are 10 charges afterwards it brings. Okay. Alright, so I can just, you know, pull it out, point guard, lock the door, back. Okay, what's up with the jamfisher? Excuse? Barry, come on. You better do it like this. Barry freaking misses it. Barry's freaking really straight.
The band? Yeah. This is a band of loyalty. I'll take that shit right off. If your hit points drop to zero while wearing this, you die. And it's to make sure that no one can torture you I think that's right Often used by spies And I mean, or I think that's right I think that's the word loyalty And I like push it a little further away Necklace?
The necklace Honey pass the necklace Is a necklace of adaptation What do you mean like a bear learning to talk And cast different spells The necklace can get you an academy award on it Yeah. Or the pop culture references. He was not a bandit for that one. So long, boy. We're twins. While wearing this necklace, you can breathe normally in any environment.
And you have advantage on savings drives made against harmful gases and vapors, such as cloud guilt and stinking cloud effects, inhaled poisons, and the breath weapons of some dragons. Could be useful. Better than a ring that just chills you out, right? And ma'am? The fan. What about your down? Here, I put your fan down. The ring was a bandit loyalty. If you dropped it in a place, you'd die. I thought you were soaring. No. I think that's your fan. No, no, I thought... No.
He took it off to go find the other treasure. This is the wind fan. While holding this fan, you can use an action to cast the Gust of Wind spell. DC 13. It doesn't say what kind of DC. From it, once used, the fan shouldn't be used again until the next dawn. Each time it is used again before then, it has a cumulative 20% chance of not working and tearing into useless, non-magical tatters. What type of bullshit is this? You can be Cognac! I don't know if he yelled something or didn't.
So I vote necklace and fan? Yeah. Well, great. Unless, do you want your peg? I don't want this ring. I just like, push the ring towards her, I'm like- Do we have a rope at all? What if- Nah. What's up? We have a blink- What if the locked door is frankly useful for that reason? But we have a blink-dog. Okay, but sometimes you don't want to appear in the room on the other side without anyone getting back to the door. Also, just a parent on the other side of the
door doesn't mean the door unlocks. You're a parent, right? No, I'm not. There's still the kitty that's usually green. So, Queen Orc, since, you know, we banded together... And tried to save your child from this Rumpelstiltskin. Do you have any other treasure that we could... I don't have a murder. What if we only want to keep one of the four? What? What if we only want to keep one of the four? Do you have anything equal to trade? Or maybe... They hold up Redcap's body.
What? Can you... What are y'all really saying? I was just plumbing the deck. I thought we had made our decision. We did. I was just sort of shocked. Then the bat argued. you. What are we keeping?
¶ Decision Time: Choosing the Loot
Them, the bat. Wait, what are we keeping? I thought it was the necklace and the fan, but I think the bat wants the peg leg. Kira, what's up? I just feel like, well, I mean, if it's only unlocking doors, I guess likely we'd find a key for a door more so than, say, a chest. Well, the other thing... If we don't have a rope to help unlock stuff, we might want something that can help with the lock.
But the other thing is that breaks after ten uses, whereas the necklace doesn't break, and the fan is fine after a day, right? Yeah. Yeah, once a day. So those are long-term predators. The leg, I mean, chyme, is gone when we use it 10 times. Our blue dog needs a leg. I'm not 100% on the necklace, so I don't know if other people have other thoughts to throw into the ring here. Well, no, the ring is out. Well, that's 100%. No ring. Who's on first? I could not say that.
If this is a democracy, then I vote we keep the finger and we keep the necklace. We throw both big back. I think I'm an animal farmer I'm a kangaroo slash pig Give me a minute Nice. You can go far. Okay. Ring out. In the ring. Now, keep the thing. Keep the necklace. Get rid of the peg. Let's go. I was going to say home. We don't have a home. Let's go somewhere else. We're going to go tell. Make sure. Okay. We'll keep the necklace and the pants.
You guys get these other two things. You should definitely wear the ring. It's gorgeous. And then you leave. We told you. Job done. Everyone left alive except for this thing. We keep what? The band of loyalty. The charm. And the peg. And the ring. The band of loyalty.
¶ Closing the Deal with the Queen
Charm. We take the other two. You know what I say, we're back to Melk here, we tell them, yeah, we're slept, everyone alive, so, we're good. Maybe we don't even have to tell them, so you don't have to leave. I know that people know that the murderers are coming after you, give me your seat. Great, don't even believe it. Yeah, cool. Hi, I'm a hundy. What? A necklace with a bad application. Is it in the book? This is the lamest day ever. Didn't have to kill anything, didn't you bury your loot?
You killed the, well, you didn't kill anything. No, I didn't kill anything! That's true, you did not kill anything. I hit the second to last blow on everything! And the quickling, you have to use a quickling. The second to last blow, I didn't need to kill anything. But it did explode. But that wasn't my fault. That wasn't my fault. Hey, Becca, we made it through another session without the wild magi, sir. Can the party end?
This one was less about the wild magis. Why are you just talking to the chaos boys again? That's true.
¶ Reflecting on the Parlay’s Success
The parlay was a success. Maybe. Kinda. Kind of? We'll see what Melchior has to say when the party returns to the Thorny Grove. Music.
