Very Vanilla (sort of)

It's this thing on Hi Andrew, Oh, hello, my darling, Scott. It's Serial Killers episode.

Four, six hundred and twenty nine.

You know, I didn't even actually check to see what it is. Was it thirty two thirty three? I thirty something?

Listen, I'm just here to eat cereal and make comments about how old you are.

That is so messed up. What does that have to do with anything?

What else is my role on this podcast? Let's really boil this down.

But I'm also not that old a whole.

But you consistently make references to seventies and eighties show, isn't it like our shtick? Like you're like, hey, look at this commercial from the seventies, And then I go, I don't know the commercial from the seventies, and then you go, h you're so young.

Well that's right, But I don't say I'm so old. I just say I remember this from the eighties.

Listen, you are a young forty.

See here's the thing. I have three different sacks of cereal today, so this could have gone anyway, and there was one that you really wanted, and now I'm not doing that one. Go okay, not fine, Sorry, Now we're just gonna do a different one.

This is now cereal spie. Yes, you're gonna.

Do something that you wanted, but instead today we're gonna do the very vanilla episode. Yeah, because you're so vanilla. I am yeah, I am no. Actually, they've been making fun of vanilla on the Big Show lately because it you know, Gandhi says it's not a flavor, but it is. Of course, it's a flavor.

It annoys me when people say that it's not a flavor because like birthday cake, I get it's not a flavor, correct, But vanilla, it's a flavor. It's vanilla cake.

That's right, because there's vanilla beans, it's a spice extract, and it's vanilla. So on this episode of Serial Killers, it's all vanilla all the time.

And it's because I called Scottie old.

That's right, because we were gonna do hmmm mmm. But sorry, you can't have that today. You're gonna have to wait until the next one. Sorry, can you hum it again?

M Chocolate eggo sprinkles.

That never existed, nor will it ever. Okay, I'm gonna go down into the cereal sack and pick out the first very vanilla.

By I don't like Vanilla Cereal.

Would you want something old or new? Classic or new?

Let's go with something new.

You want the new one?

Yeah? Okay, then I don't want to say the O word anymore around you.

Uh huh. So I actually have four cereals. There's so many Vanilla Cereals who are doing four we're doing. We're gonna we'll bang them out. We'll blow through the real quick and we'll go from the newest to oldest. I guess. So, here's the newest one cool in the cereal sack.

I don't think we did.

We did the cousin of this one a couple of episodes ago. So I'm gonna give it a quick Scottie shake. And it's another Raisin brand crunch creation. This is vanilla Almond.

Oh. I think I'm gonna like this a lot.

Yeah. So there's the sun It's made with real fruit and how many scoops Andrew? Two scoops of raisin?

Do you know what I have? Head stuck in my head for a while now, Wax? Well, yes, I should be you know, cuteipving my ears better, But I'm also thinking about the my name's ice cream Jones. It's stuck in my head. Yeah, it was a great cereal. Yeah it's sad.

I'm bringing the kids my ice cream cones. How broach your new cereal for breakfast with the great taste of ice cream cones. Whoa, that's when he almost fell off his bike.

Yeah yeah, Okay, that's not the one with the sexy marshmallow though.

No, that's Rocky Road. That's Marsha and van and Choco. I think the guy's name was all Right, So here we go up.

I'm excited for this one because this one vanilla, I feel will add to the taste.

It smells like maple. Again though everything smells like maple. Why maybe you have an issue smell it? Have you thought about going to a doctor? I went to a doctor again.

Yeah, this smells a lot like maple.

Right, you know what I think those are the clusters?

Yeah, oh, I forgot.

To give your milk, get it back? Thanks. Hell So I'm gonna go down to the fridge.

And today seventeen percent milk from Fair Life, one percent low fat with calcium extra calcium.

Is delicious because I'm thinking about my old bones, you know, so I don't want to like just collapse here on the floor.

Listen. When I said old, I meant it in an in dering way. I don't think that you're actually old. Okay, that is mean to.

Say, thanks buddy, fair Life milk.

Oh, okay, just ignore it.

When you want milk, you want fair Life.

No, this is not an ad. We still don't have a sponsorshopow.

And it's lactose free too, so you're not gonna poop on the wall.

Oh that's great, all right.

So Kellogg's Raisin Brand Crunch Vanilla Almond it's new. It's the newest one in the Raisin Brand Crunch family. You're ready.

I will say the raisins look nasty because they have vanilla things on them. All right, once you they go.

Mm hmm pour bowls. That's pleasant. I like it, mm hmmmmm.

They're delicious. I'm a fam I like the little granilla pieces. Yep, there's a great cereal pretty good. And the thing is I feel healthy eating it. I know it's probably not healthy, but I'm feeling like I am.

I don't taste a fake vanilla flavor, you know, it's just a soft hint of real vanilla. Did you just spit? What's so funny?

Your choice of words, Oh, Mike, A soft hint of vanilla.

Raiss glazed with a touch of golden honey fiber like grand fiber. I can't even speak.

I'm not pooping from the milk, but I am gonna poop from the fiber. Raisin bram.

Fiber like grand fiber plays a very important part and your digestive health and overwhelmed and overall well being. That means poop.

No, it's weird. What so, I know you hate them, but grape os, grape nuts, grape nuts, rapeos, I don't know. They taste a little bit like raisin bram. No, yeah, okay, sod and just ignore what I'm saying.

Sugars podcast. So, sugar is the third ingredient we found one.

We found many of them.

I know, but this one actually has some taste, and sugar is not the second ingredient of first. I will also, you know what, I'm gonna give it four balls too, because I would eat this for breakfast. This is a pretty good cereal delicious. Thank you, mister Kellogg. I'm gonna come hang out at your sanitarium. That's how Kellogg started what J. W. Kellogg, whatever the hell his name was. He had a sanitarium like for people to lose weight and get healthy. And that's where all the cereals started

Great. Okay, So that's where a podcast is going. It's a history podcast with Cereal.

It's a very educational podcast. I want children to listen and bring their smarts to school and listen.

I think this is a great new direction.

Okay, going down to the cereal sack for number two. I think this might be the next newest. I don't know. This is from two thousand and fifteen or sixteen or so. Okay, it's Vanilla Life.

I'm so excited. Okay, Life, as you know, is one of my favorite.

Yes, I'm aware now this one shows peaches in it. If I've ever put fresh peaches in a cereal, but it could be delicious. There must be a flavor combination that Quaker knows about that I do not.

Or Biff the interurn got into the box design. Again, this is true. I like peaches and milk. I thought it was cream. It's milk.

Yes, they recommend that you eat heavy cream with this cereal and peaches.

Yeah again, peaches and cream is a thing both sexually it is and in actual things sexually. The song by you don't remember.

Peaches and cream? Yes, Prince, no what peaches? You know that I did it because I'm a feed getting freaky in it. You don't know peaches and cream? Is it is dirty? I don't know.

You really don't remember that song Peaches and cream?

Yes, it was like one twelve or something. Who says, yes.

What I mean? Cream?

You're you're so young? I mean I don't remember that.

Yeah, it must be because you're old. So anyway, why'd you spit in my cup?

The next a very similar cereal would be Vanilla checks, which is far superior. I love Vanilla Chick.

You also don't like Life by itself.

It's okay because I like the little sugar granules in the middle.

I love Life's new logo good job.

Yeah, Oh, this might be old it's probably been sitting in my cabinet for a while.

Cool. All right, you just did this whole episode to sabotage being did I didn't even mean to call you old. I apologize.

Now. This box is good till February twenty twenty, so it's not old. All right.

Wow, did you get a paper cut? No?

I knocked over the raisin bran. All right, So why did that hurt you? I have no idea. All right, So here you go our one percent fair life with your Vanilla Life.

Let's do a practice ad for fair Life. The taste of my cereal tastes better with fair Life. Did that sound good? No, I'll try a different approach. Wow, the milk is really making the cereal look even tastier. Thanks, fair Life.

Look, at the end of the day, milk is milk. But you know, if someone will pay us to drink it, we'll do it. All right. Hey, here we go Vanilla Life.

Here that potential sponsors.

Huh huh, there's not it's not vombit necessary. You're kidding.

I don't like it.

Why did you get a shard of something in your throat? No, what's the problem.

It tastes like I'm just eating your butter like buttery.

You know what I mean? Now that you said that it does taste like butter.

And I hate it. I give this two bowls. I'm gonna the only reason why it's a bowl is because it is a Life cereal, and I feel bad for Jimmy, Timmy what was his name, Bobby?

Right, So you don't like it, I don't like it, right, No, I don't shut up, child. Try it dry. It's a little different. It's a little different without the milk.

Right, yeah, I mean I don't like it.

Okay, Well, I'll give it two balls. It's not great again. If you're gonna go for the square multi grain cereal, go for checks, vanilla checks far superior.

Did you bring vanilla checks?

I didn't because it was the expensive and I was like, dude, I'm not paying five ninety nine for box of checks. I'm just gonna say that I like it.

Cool.

Goole coo coo coo coo coogle. All right, you know what, Checks doesn't go on sale very frequently, so great. The peanut butter one that we did way back was like ninety nine cents, so woo. Yeah. I bought like ten of those boxes.

So all of a sudden, vanilla checks is just gonna come out of nowhere one day.

And it might be like great, Yeah, when it's all right, back down to the cereal sack, just what it'll be better?

I hope raising brand crunch is the highlight of this episode.

This is post honey Bunches of Oats with vanilla bunches.

Oh, I like this. Now.

That's been kind of been around for maybe ten years or so. It started off with some other name and then it morphed into this honey you just don't forget honey bunches of oats.

Yeah.

Was also the like cereal that the chicken and waffles and the maple baked donut, well you remember that. No, but those are gone, thankfully.

No, that was so bad.

I don't smell any vanilla.

I'm happy that I don't smell the vanilla because it seems like I don't maybe like the actual vanilla taste.

By the way, you know, mister Post and mister Kellogg were around at the same time, and they they had big cereal fights back in the eighteen hundreds.

See when you say that, like, I'm either picturing a civil war type of fights where it's like muskets or I'm picturing like actual fights, like food fights, just with cereal being thrown.

I just pictured them in those big long bathing suits that like go all the way down to their ankles, and the and the bathing cap. I don't know why the.

Big mustache is in like a top hat like you see here. This is my property. You can't have a cereal factory over hair.

That's pretty much how it was.

Great.

So post honey bunches of oats with vanilla bunches. It's cereal number three and are where very vanilla right here?

Oh? I almost had the life again.

Okay, here we go, tyog dog food. It's not good at all. Where's the vanilla? Where's the bunches?

I will say? The only highlight to it.

I don't like this at all.

Okay, no, it's not a highlight anymore. They bam and boozled me because I was like, wow, this kind of tastes like a waffle comb. No, then you know what happened. It turned into marinara sauce on a pizza. And now I have to give this a ball and a spoon.

Where do you get these weird analogies.

From because when I eat things, I try and identify the flavors.

Well again, third ingredient sugar which is not bad, but still whole grain wheat rice, and then sugar.

But no, ma'am.

It says ground vanilla beans. And I do see them, they're on those little rice chunks, but I don't taste them. Nope, there's no overwhelming vanilla taste in this cereal whatsoever. It says with yummy vanilla bunches, But I guess there's nothing yummy about this for me, so I'm giving it a bawl.

Are you happy that inspiting me? You're now torturing yourself?

Yeah, I am. I'm sorry, Andrew, I love you, and I apologize because this is not very good.

And I apologize to you. To Scott.

Thanks, But so far, the raisin ray crunch has been delicious. Yeah, I'm into it.

Maybe the highlight of an episode of Cereal Killers is raisin bran.

Yeah?

Is this really a good episode?

I don't know. Well, we're going to sandwich the episode. Now we started with the Kellogg's, We're gonna end with the Kelloggs. There's another vanilla, sir.

You literally didn't have to like make it seem like I would know that, so.

Bookend, should I say that?

No? No, no, meaning like that they're both Kellogg's.

Oh well, you don't know anything.

I didn't even know Raisin brand was kel Shut the hell up? Sorry?

Can you just get off this podcast? Go hire somebody else. I'm going to who I don't know? Well, then again, I'm the guy that knows things and you're the guy that just eats. So that's cool.

Oh okay, so my role in this podcast is to be a slob and eat food.

Yeah, that's got something on your chin, I do. Yeah.

All right, back to the is it gone?

For the final serial? Number four? In the Vanilla episode, is it gone? Yes, it's Kellogg's Special K vanilla and Almond.

I love special Okay, vanilla and almond?

What are you talking about? I've had it before you, even though it was Kellogg's.

Well, I've had special.

What do you think that giant K is four? What do you think that is for?

I gotta go.

It's the Kelloggs. That's the Kellogg's K.

Did you not know that?

Did you not know that? Okay?

This is embarrassing.

You really need to go back to cereal school.

There's no such thing.

Yes there is.

I teach a class at the university. Oh yeah, I forgot your doctor. B how's how's your thesis.

Going, by the way, Oh it's done.

You to present.

Hm, this bag is a tough open. I don't want to rip it.

Wait, damn it. Can I tell you a really embarrassing story. It's okay, the cereal still tastes great. Can I tell you a really embarrassing story that has nothing to do with cereal?

But go ahead?

As I was saying, go ahead, Andrew, so Elvis got a furbo. Right, what's a furbo?

It's like the expensive car.

No, can you imagine? So it was like a ferbo.

It's okay, this just smells like cardboard. There's no smell whatsoever.

Go ahead, it taste delicious. He got a Furbo during the holiday season. He's like, oh, you could take the furbo?

Okay.

So I gave it to my friends and I'm like, just let you guys know. It's inscribed. It says Max on the inside. My sister just got a Ferbo the other day. It's the Max fill line. It wasn't actually personalized to Max like I thought it was.

That's embarrassing.

It's very embarrassing.

But also, why are we telling dog stories on a Cereal podcast?

I don't know. Why do we talk about your digestive issues all the time? Why do we talk about anything on this podcast outside of Cereal? Here you go, Andrew, Oh, okay, quickly avoid the topic of conversations.

Your special k vanilla almond. But that is very funny. I have a pet cube and I believe it says the same thing, So I think I have Max's camera as well. You could have a back if you'd like.

Here we go, poor ballmer Boom really m to me. It has hints of like drinking a cappuccino.

It's like cranberry. I don't know what. I don't know what's going on.

It takes like cranberry to you.

I don't like it.

Are you smelling burnt toast too?

So far, the only thing I've liked is raisin bran crunch. Nothing. Nothing's really like overwhelmed me with vanilla, and I'm happy about that. No, I want vanilla. I want hardcore vanilla. Hold on a second, I'm gonna read back and head on back here to the Vault. The Vault a Cereal Vault A Cereal vault, and I'm just going to grab the drumstick Cereal that we had quite a number of episodes back. I'm gonna take one of these vanilla pieces. No, no Cereal tastes like vanilla.

I'm fine with that.

There's nothing very vanilla about this very vanilla episode except you and you. Yeah, that's true. All right? Did I rate it?

No? I didn't rate it.

I give it a ball.

I don't like it. Can you give me the box a special K really quick? I just want to read the back.

Are you gonna throw it at me? No?

I gotta hurt.

I can't believe you just did that. Another's k is all over the floor. Oh man, my arm really hurts, and you just made it worse. How sorry? I hate you so much.

You're the one who started this episode off by being a sour sally.

Alright, well, I tell you what we're gonna go now. Please follow us on Twitter at Serial Killer's PC. That's Cereal with the C. I'm at Zi Scotti B and he's at Andrew Pug And I'm just gonna just follow us and like us and subscribe and do all those things.

Oh God's mad. I'm gonna get beat down after this episode.

There's no beating. But what's gonna happen is we're gonna end this episode right now, and we're gonna go on ahead and record the next one. And it's gonna be with what you like, okay, because I just want you to be happy and not throw things at me.

You're making it seem like I am a monster right now.

You are. Wow, I'm hurt. You're hurt physically and emotionally.

Okay, show me your physical injuries.

Well it's internal, okay, so it's an internal I have internal bleeding. Now for oh, you have internal bleeding. I smell a lawsuit.

Okay, you're gonna suit I okay. Fine. When we're in the news, serial podcasters sue each other.

All Right, we gotta go. We're gonna get to the next one now. And Andrew's gonna love it, and he's gonna have a big smile on his face.

I always have a big smile on my face.

I'm gonna break out the mm ready.

Chocolate eggo, marshmallow, fun time, your cereal.

Stupid Until we meet again, which will be in what did you just say just a few days say Crunch Andrew, Crunch, cruy lunch, crunch. We can't end it until you say crunch. Just say it, Crunch, your bastard,