Rx For Boring Cereal

Are you rt Andrew?

I'm ready. I'm ready. We can start from here. Ready one, two, three and starting starting. This is serial Killers.

And today is Monday, August second. That's cool, isn't it crazy?

Very crazy?

We're halfway through the summer. Wow, this is episode one cool of the serial Killers podcast. It's the podcast where we talk about cereal and we eat it and we think inside the box.

You're really really trying with that? Still, why not bless your soul?

We should trademark that slogan because somebody else is going to use it and it's going to be a huge success.

I think what was it, TGI Fridays did or something?

Well? I heard Goya using it. Huh, yeah, we think inside the box. I didn't like that. I didn't like hearing it over the supermarket. PA. It angered me. I'm sorry, Oh boya. They don't say that anymore.

That used to be a thing.

Yeah, on the big trucks, I would say Goya, Oh boya. The lasted for a long time.

Yeah, anyway, I wonder why that went away.

I don't think they have cereal? Is there Goya Cereal?

I don't think so.

And if there's not Hello Goya, why isn't there.

I don't know. They make these like wafers. Yes, Oh my god, their wafers are so good.

I saw them. But because they're not in the cookie aisle, I feel like they've sat there for a while and they're not fresh.

I mean, if it's in a box, is that really fresh?

I don't know.

You feed me cereal from that nasty shelf in the back.

This is absolutely true. All right, let's get into eating Andrew. Now. Fun fact about this episode. Not one cereal is from a major brand. Not one.

Oh we're an indie podcast, now, that's right.

These are all indie cereals.

Yeah, I knew about it. The first cereal.

The first one is a brand new cereal. You've seen this cereal in bar form in like the Laura bar. No, we've had those around. It's not Lara or Lara, and it's not Cliff. It's an other bar that you've seen, Nutra Grain. No, because that would be from Kellogg's and that's a big old brand. Andy, Uh, you don't have to guess.

The other one with the mountain, that's Cliff Cliff bars.

No. I just said it's not Cliff. You please don't, Okay, whatever, you do. I'm begging you to stop. So you've probably seen these. The bar itself actually says, you know, like one date to two apples, three strawberries and no bs and one egg yolk.

Oh yeah, that's the one where it's like super simple box art r X. Yeah.

Yes, So they have now ventured into cereal. They took a quick turn into cereal because those bars have not really been popul what I.

Took a quick turn to the cereal aisle. Hey, we're going to do a retrospective. I'm Scottie Bee.

So there are a few different varieties. I picked up the chocolate almond one Rise and Shine breakfast just got real. It's got brown rice almonds, touch of honey and no bs.

Can I just say that sometimes the bars are like filling though.

And also super gross.

Yeah, Like sometimes they get clumpy where you're just.

Like, all right, see here's the thing they're lying because on the box is brown rice, almonds, touch of honey and no bs. Then you go to ingredients and his brown rice almonds, whole grain sorghum, coconut sugar, pea protein, honey, cocoa, chocolate, salt, natural flavors, rosemary, extract. Oh, so there's lots of bs here. Let's check it out.

I don't know how to feel well.

I shouldn't have said the rosemary, so we should have just seen if we could taste it.

I mean I always taste it though.

Yeah. The only thing it's got going for it, well, it actually doesn't even because there's no regular sugar. It's coconut sugar and it's got pea protein.

So it's what is this coconut sugar? What is this thing?

I don't know. It's a product of Mexico.

I'm confused. When did they start putting coconut sugar in things? And what's the difference?

Apparently recently, because I don't ever remember reading ingredients and saying coconut sugar. Right.

That's like sunflower oil is now in a whole bunch of General Mill cereals.

Is that bad?

Yes? It is because people are allergic to sunflower oil. It is a thing.

Is it cheaper? Maybe? Maybe cheaper oil?

A lot of General Mill cereals are now they say could contain sunflower seed oil.

I wouldn't just say General Mills. I'm sure it's a lot of companies, you know, let's not let's not poop where we eat?

Andrew, Well, you just went real direct to the point on that one.

I mean, you know, all right, let's go. It's got flakes and almond slivers.

And I just know I hate this.

All right, let's go. Hey, don't judge a book. Here we go. It's interesting. It's okay.

No, there's two bowls. The flavor washes off the minute you eat it, and then you're left with like a spicy aftertaste, which is the rosemary.

I'm not even sure how to describe it.

Yeah, it's weird. There really is no taste to this.

I don't really like it. No, I don't like their bars either.

I think the bars like if you're in a pinch and you need a a meal.

No, the cocoa is too dark. It is Insurgent Brands LLC. I've never heard of that company before. I don't know what else they make.

Maybe they make the actual RX bars.

Well, no, I'm sure they do, or maybe not. Sometimes they just kind of license out the cereal.

True. I think, yeah, this isn't great. I gotta tell you, I'm actually gonna bump it down one bowl, one spoon.

The milk is kind of okay, I'll give it two balls.

Yeah, it's not great. The nut is nice, I'm sorry, the nut inside you mean the almond, Yeah, the almond sliver. The almond sliver is nice, but the flakes are blah yeah, it's wholly underwhelming.

You know what. I agree with the word blah Yeah. I think that. I think that works.

It's like a wampwomp cereal wampom.

Yeah.

I wish you had like a noise that you could play.

I do, but it's somewhere in there. I don't know where they keep the wamp wom.

You gotta get back on track. We gotta get commercials back. We got to get some sound effects back. Where is that?

You're right, I don't know. It's it's it's here somewhere. The only thing I can pull up is a Chips theme, and you don't want that, so I'm not going to play that, all right, So let's go down to the Cereal sack for serial number two?

Or could you mention Chips? So you have to play it now?

Okay, there is that one listener who laughs every time we play it because it makes you angry.

It doesn't make me angry at this point because it's you know, it's your special thing.

Not really. Okay, they're due for another movie pretty soon.

Oh really?

Yeah? No, all right, I'm going down that ticket. Here we go. Listen, all right, So these next two cereals we are advertise. They advertise on the Big show, Vita cost. You've heard a Vita cost, right. I buy my cliff Nut butter bars. There are my favorite, the tart cherry and cash youw butter, So I buy them there. So while I was buying them one day, I said, you know what, let me see if they have cereal. So I went to the cereal tab and I found two

Okay, all right?

And it's activated super food Cereal Radiant Raspberry. Now, I like fruit. I like fruit and cereal. You say it makes your throat clothes up. Don't know if that's true.

When you shake it, it sounds like a swarm of bugs.

Maybe that's why the dragonfly is on there.

Yeah, you're gonna open it and locust they're just gonna pop out.

All right. I'm gonna have a problem with this. It says radiant raspberry with alo vera, which I didn't know that you're supposed to eat and put that on burns right from the plant. Schisandra berry. I've never heard of chazandra berry before. Rodola. That sounds like a dirty body part. Yeah, see buckthorn.

That sounds like a really really expensive person's name. Hey, I'm sa Busle.

He's wearing an ask on what a dick?

Hello?

And prebiotic fire not probiotic prebiotic, so before it's pro it must be pre Yeah. And I don't know what any of these things are.

I guess it helps with the go.

It's organic, it's sprouted, it's non GMO, it's gluten free. Hey oh, look at that. It's sweet with coconut sugar. All of a sudden, all these coconut sugar things are popping up.

I'm just confused.

That's what it looks like. It's a superfood, So that's good. Okay, it has live enzymes. It's bioavailable. What is bioavailable?

We're gonna be eating basically like a live plant and it's minimally processed.

Look wait, look at the bioavailable logo. Like that's a stomach like pooping.

Something tells me that this is going to be you're gonna open. It's gonna be like, please don't eat me, ideal nutrition activated. It's like the Wonder Twins. Okay, all right, but wake up to something new.

Every bite of our Radiant Raspberry Superfood cereal contains tart raspberries, crunchy coconut, and the superfood goodness of beautifying herbs like rodiola, see buckthorn and alivera. Plus we've added a blend of prebiotics to support your body's overall wellness. Try a ball with your favorite milk or use as a topper on your smoothie or yogurt to start your day off right.

Wow, all right, A lot of explanation for this one, for something that's not going to taste good, and we both know what we.

Might be pleasantly surprised. Oh my god, something went up my nose as soon as I opened the bag.

Good thing you like sneaked into the bag.

No, I didn't. I turned around your douche.

Now you have to add an E in front of the episode because I said douche.

Yes, douche is not a bad way. You can go down Aisle six of the supermarket and get one.

Fine. Well, the way you used it is rude. You can't, but I did. Yeah, And now I have to add an e.

If you put an E on this episode, you're the biggest something that would really make an E. Now stop, there's nothing wrong with a douche.

Here we go when a kid is listening to this with his mom in the car and they're like, don't listen?

One, two, three? What what the hell? It fish a lot of nothing. It's cardboardy right, I don't know. I don't taste any raspberry or coconut. I don't like it. I really don't like it. Oh. On the little tab that I ripped off on top, it says I will see my light growing stronger and brighter. Is this a Jesus cereal?

No? I think it's like a weird Sells Crystals type of cereal.

Ye, this is.

Disgusting, and I give it one spoon. This is disgusting.

I'm going to give it a bowl and a spoon.

Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, it's not a little bit of raspberry kick to it. The only kick is the kick to my throat that it's giving. This is disgusting.

Fine, one ball, it's like dry wall. That's my bottom line. One ball. No, it has altered my brain.

I'm legit thinking that they like punched a hole in a wall and then mix it with grass, and we're like, it's for good for you.

I don't know.

It's heavy.

Well least we'll poop well later. I don't know.

I don't I don't know what this is going to do to my body, those live plant bodies.

I don't know. What is your living intentions?

To never eat this again?

Because all kinds of sayings all over this bag that I missed before. This is the eat.

This is the live left love of cereals.

So activated is food at its highest potential, a living intentions. Activated is an outlook, a way of being, an a mantra for intentionally shifting life into high gear. That's why we make incredibly flavorful snacks and meals with real nutritionally dense activated food.

Everything they just said is a lie that was not delicious and even the least well, the cereal is dense.

That's about all. That's about all.

I don't even know if dnse is the right word, so disgusting is what I would use.

All right, let's get off of that. Hopefully the next one will redeem a little bit. But remember I'm on the healthy session, so I'm not very positive either. This one's in a box.

And can I just say, this is why if you're a healthy food eating person who wakes up and has a good morning after eating that cereal, I'd be miserable.

This one's paleo and vegan and gluten free and no sugar added. You know what, let's just not even. Can we just not even?

What are we not going to do?

This is stop it at two? We have to do it, all right. The cereal brand looks like it's called Nuco and Uco I think, And I don't know if that's a bowling ball or oh it's a coconut so yeah, coconut crunch.

Okay, I like coconut.

Yeah. See it drew me in, the name drew me in. I didn't read much else about it. No sugar added, vegan, gluten free, non GMO.

It's legit, starting to scratch.

Certified USDA, and it's kosher.

On top of that, you're only gonna get me for so much longer, and then you're gonna need to get my EpiPens hold on. Their mission is giving back to Filipino farmers and their communities while also supporting health and wellness by giving back to our bodies. What is nuca Coconut crunch? This crunchy, grain free cereal made with three simple, sustainably sourced ingredients coconut meat, cocaine, water, and palm starch. I know the inside of the coconut is called the meat.

All right, let's just go.

I'm really thinking I'm gonna have some things from that Raspberry.

The glue on the box is just horrific.

It just absolutely despised. I already tore it up that all these cereals like are basically just lawn shavings, and they're like, it's activated health for you.

I'm sorry, but there's some kid in a garage with a hot glue gun that a ceiling is. Because that's exactly what it was. It was very very hard to open. Okay, hold on, they automatically get a spoon no matter what happens. If this is disgusting, this cereal cannot get no bowls, no spoon.

Is it a sealed tab?

It is it is. Look at that it's a zip bagness. So they score right there, get you get an instant spoon for that. That's I mean, we could projectile vomit on the computer and they still get a spoon.

Where and I'm really not trying to make this up. Like a poof just popped up from the back when you rip the tab. Really, yes, I don't know if it was the shiny metallic on your shirt, but like a little poof popped up.

Was it coconut meat? I don't know what that was. I have to say it smells nice. I love coconut like same. I'm that guy. I mean, I think we've talked about this. We're on the beach. When they walk around with the machete, I always ask for a coconut. I love them.

Remember when we got one of Miami together and it was the worst coconut we ever had the twenty bucks for it.

This could be the biggest flake I've ever seen.

Save it.

No, it's going in your cup.

Thanks. Oh, let make sure I vomit it up.

You know what. Listen, I think we're gonna be pleasantly surprised. I really do.

Okay, it smells very coconuty. Let's set our intentions before we have this cereal. What's your intention for the next week, Scott think, I don't even know what you're saying, all right, My intention for the next week is to have a great road trip with Gandhi and Diamond Sweet. So it looks like that are you're not sitting your intention. It looks like this is one big brittle piece almost and they just broke it up. It's not really flakes. It looks like it was it was made in a big

One? Two, three? Oh, Oh, it's good.

It's paper.

It tastes just like the coconut water that's inside the coconut or the milk or whatever they want to call it. And it just tastes like that and it's hardened. It's not really bad. I see I see the berry thing, Like, if there were berries in this, it'd be really really good. This takes me to an island, Andrew, Yeah, I'm sure. Do not staten island like an island this.

I just know this is gonna make my throat clothes. Why coconut does that for me? I can't really eat it raw.

Now, if there were some dark chocolate shavings in here, it'd be spot on.

Don't you think it's just just like the consistency of paper.

I'm telling you, it's not a flake. It's like coconut dry, got some stuff sprinkled on it, and then they just break it.

Up like a coconut bridle.

Yeah. I like it. I'm giving it three bowls.

I h I like it. I'll say that much. But it just the consistency is weird for me, Like, I can't get over the consistency, right.

Allow two bowls in a spoon. I got to back it down. Why because I'm with you. I still have some in my mouth and I don't really like the way it feels. Yeah, it's taper. The taste is okay, if you like coconut. It's not a bad cereal. It's not.

And this only has three ingredients. Yeah, okay, that's insane.

Coconut, organic coconut water, which I told you is what it tastes like, organic coconut meat, which is, you know, coconut, and organic palm starch.

I will say for only having three ingredients, because we've had cereals where they're like, this is healthy, and then we eat it and it tastes like literal butt. This is the worst. And I would say mixed in with things like granola, this would actually taste pretty good. I mean really, the only sorry with with yogurt.

Really, the only thing that's in here is coconut, and it's great. Made in California, of course, Oh no, I'm sorry. It's distributed by Health Source International in California. It is a product of the Philippines.

I gotta say it's not the worst. And I do give this two bowls in a spoon and it's resealable.

Look at that. I'm gonna zip it, yeah, so it'll stay fresh for the next person to not eat.

To be honest, I might actually take that home. You got it, because I have some yogurt I need to put stuff in.

The box is very flimsy. I mean the box is pretty much paper.

They probably made five boxes, and we were one.

Of the five to buy it. For recipes and more. Follow us at Cocoa Buy New Coo.

Yep, starting starting in the throat.

Do you need me to call you an ambulance Andrew?

No, We're good for right now. But if my tongue starts getting any puffy or I'll let you know.

Okay, Well, I can't steal the box. It's all torn and busted up. But hey whatever, thank you for listening to Serial Killers. This has been an underwhelming episode, but we do thank you.

No, I felt like it was a fun episode. I really enjoyed it.

Okay, there was anytime I get to spend time with you scat. Hey, you know what, if that's all it takes, then I guess that's why we do bull Chat. Do you know what was even the worst cereal ever? The one that ce Buckthorn is in, see buck Thorn, see you later. Yeah, that was the raspberry thing.

Yeah that was gross.

Now should I see if that company has any other flavors or just let it go?

I say let it go. I don't want to firefly cereal ever again, or a lightning bug cereal whatever it's called.

It was a dragonfly.

Yeah, that's stupid.

Do you know they sing dragonflies? They're very frightening looking.

Yeah, they got the big ass wings.

You know what. On Wednesday's bull Chat, we'll talk about bugs we don't like.

Done, say no more?

I got a list, although that might have been last Wednesday. I don't know why. I'm so confused. Thank you for listening to Cereal Killers. It's the podcast that's serially right what it's serially it's full of cereal. I know we'll take that. Okay, follow us please? Serial Killers PC on all platforms I mean well not all, I mean because we're not on like what what's it? What's a platform?

Like? We're not on what TikTok?

We should be?

Yeah?

Can you go get that right now, like, get it now before this airs, because someone's gonna steal serial Killers. I'm sure it's already gone, but serial killers pic on TikTok go take it and you and I'll do these these dances with Cereal.

I don't know what that was, but yeah, sure it was a TikTok dance. Okay.

And we're gonna like juggle fruit loops.

Okay, you could do that. I'll watch.

We'll see you next week. We'll see you Wednesday. Just we're everywhere. Please listen to us, Please follow us, please rate us, and like us and subscribe me. Love reading your reviews and fell us. Oh can I just see real quick vers any new ones? Hold on, Andrew, just take the floor, please, there's a floor. Take you love reading your reviews. They are so fun. Well they're not always fun, buddy.

I like reading even the bad ones.

I mean I do too.

I enjoy them.

Here is my issue. We are now down to four point nine stars. We are no longer a five star podcast because somebody is a jerk.

How many reviews do we have? Three hundred something?

Well it's just three hundred and forty five ratings.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Now, the last review is still from June twenty third. We really need to get on it.

Yeah, give us more reviews, please, please please. We like reading them and they're fun.

But only if they're positive.

No, you could go negative too. Say you hate me, Say you hate Scott, say you hate I don't know something that's going on in your personal life and that's why you're giving us one.

Do we ever get on cameo? How come we're down on cameo?

Should go on cameo?

Remember that? Okay, it's new me.

Let's do everything, all right, we'll do what fifteen bucks?

I think ten? Ten?

Okay, yeah, start small.

Yeah, let's do fourteen. That way we get seven and seven. I love that there's some kind of fee or something. Yeah, so that way we would get five and five. So let's do Let's do fourteen a weird number. Yeah cool.

This way we get to keep the fee and then we could be on cameo. Hey it's Scott abe and Andrew. We heard it's your birthday. Crunch.

All right, let's get out of here, dude, untill we see you next week. Say crunch again, Andrew, Crunch. That's it? Yeah, I got nothing else? You got nothing, do you have something I know. I'm just I'm really honestly having a tough time closing this box.

Well yeah, I mean, good luck got us.

There's literally an entire stick of hot glue jamming it up and I just can't close it. Literally.

Oh well, good luck with that.

I can't. I gotta go, all right bye.