Elf Fell Off The Shelf

My entire thing. I mean, Jesus, because you have the patience of a saint. You just talked my dad through a zoom meeting for forty five minutes and we're not even sure that.

It were No. I'd really try and be nice to owe people when it comes to technology. Oh my gosh. Sorry, if we sound very out of breath or just frazzled, it's because we recorded this intro and then I realized I wasn't recording on zoom.

So yeah, so we just did like we just talked about a whole thing.

Well, it was two minutes. Like, let's not get dramatic.

I know I'd like to eat.

Bomp, bomp, bomp.

Welcome to Serial Killers. Today is Monday, December nineteenth. And Andrew, thank you very much for trying to assist my dad. Don't know if it worked or not. I really hope it does. It makes me feel bad that I wasn't able to do my best. It was like a really important court thing because he's a court stenographer.

That's so cool. You couldn't figure out.

How to record the zoom meeting on his thing, and I don't know it could be trouble because it's legal stuff.

Hah.

So hopefully everything worked out for him.

Going to look through that and be like, uh, what is this?

I did recommend to him. That was someone like one of the court guys just calls him on his cell phone and he puts the speaker on so he can hear what they're saying.

Yeah, I mean I think that's an option.

What's going on?

Oh? Why is it playing from here and not from my beautiful blue tooth? Yeahing bluetooth.

Well, just we'll just play this. Oh god, what are you doing?

Just give it a second?

All right? Well, this is the Cereal Podcast where we talk about cereal. We'll try it, we'll eat it. We'll let you know whether you should eat it or not.

Oh I love that. Really, we try it, we eat it, We let you know if you should what was it?

Eat it or not?

We try it?

All right? Please don't thank you for listening to us today. It is the holiday season. I think Andrew's trying to pull up some sort of holiday something. What is that?

Oh my god? All these did you notice YouTube has way too many ads? Now every damn second.

I get a granger, I can buy garbage cans from you.

Oh, this is a live Christmas.

Oh look at the yule log. I like the other sound that we had better. But this is fine. No, no, no, don't don't start changing stuff. It's fine. So Christmas is just days away, and uh, thank you Newman Newman.

Claus Newman.

Yeah, so his best he was a Target or wal Mart or whatever big box store that he was at, maybe a local supermarket. I don't know. But he's like, dude, I found it and I'm sending it to you. And he's the only one that came through, not that everyone else didn't try, and we do appreciate it. But it's Kell's elf on the shelf. North Pole snow cream cereal with marshmallows that magically cools your mouth as you eat.

It's gonna taste like a Menthol cigarette.

It certainly will. Yay, But there's no fire or cancer involved.

Yeah, thank god.

Oh we don't know. Well maybe yeah, they did have that incident.

So oh this is the official Oh this is the official cereal.

What happened of the North Pole. Look there's a big elf orgy on the back. Oh god, they're having fun back there, faster, faster, faster.

Oh god, what the hell is this about?

So we've had the sugar cookie one and we've had the chocolate one, and they both have marshmallows, and this is the new one for this year. So I don't know what's going on here. I don't know what to expect. But it says it's supposed to cool your mouth as you eat it, kind of like it's gonna be like sinex or like vic something or other, you know.

Way up at the North Pole, out in the Arctic chill, the Scout Elves rolled and rolled a snowball down the hill toward missus Claus's sweet chop KaBlam. They saw it crash the snow cream Scupo Mattic made it yummy in a flash. This brand new North Pole cereal recipe is frosty, creamy bold. It's tasty, icy, magical, freezy, crunchy cold.

Let's eat it? And how is this isn't Christmas music? Okay, well it says no. It says no copyright, which means it's not even real.

Yeah, where too little elves? Oh where too little elves? We're on the North Poles.

Watch Okay. So it's blue and white with little like almost uh hot chocolate marshmallows. They're little.

I don't like him. This Christians scoot. It's very fun.

Yeah, but it's one you don't have to pay royal, it.

Says Royalty free music. Yeah, it's because if it's not really still gonna get flagged somehow like frosting. Oh god, right, that's a lot. Can you lower this a little? Seriously, It's like, my brain is whatever. We're recording this on jingle Ball Day, which is December ninth, So sorry for if this isn't yeah, because when they were recording, we're pre recording for we're making sure there's episodes while we're on break.

Right, So today's a very very busy day. But we are here for.

You, and my brain hurts because if we.

Didn't record today, you wouldn't have anything else for the rest of the year.

This is gonna taste like a menthal segarette.

I think no, I think it's gonna taste like frosting.

I don't think so.

And I'm wondering how the cooling sensation works.

So you have to eat a marshmallow to get that.

I don't know. Let's go tastes like frosting cereals and then the taste goes away. There's something cool happening at all. You think that, like if you were sick, this would open your sinuses. No, and they.

Really built this up into something that it's not.

And the cereal is not even good.

That's what a bummer like.

They can't do that magically cools your mouth as you Yeah, you know what cooling your mouth? The cold milk? Yeah, the cereal has nothing to do with it. This is dumb.

I want to try a marshmallow?

What a fail? What is that noise?

What? Oh?

No, yeah, I don't taste anything. This just made me mad. I was so excited for it.

Yeah, this is just cereal.

You suck? Yeah?

Can I just try to marshmallow?

Nothing? I'm kidding Newman. You don't suck this cereal does? It doesn't make any sense to me.

Honestly, we should start a class action lawsuit because this is false advertising.

It actually is that lady with the velveta just did did you hear that story? No? Yeah, so you know the cups that you put in the microwave.

Oh, isn't it like a certain amount of time?

Yeah, it sounds ready in three and a half minutes. No, it isn't you have to prep it first. That's not three and a half minutes. And then it has to cool. That's not three and a half minutes. So she's suing them.

Let me say we could do that maybe, Like, no, no, I've eaten every part of this individually just to see if I could taste a cooling sensation. There is no cooling sensation whatsoever in this cereal.

I'm I'm giving it one ball and one spoon just because a it's not doing what it's supposed to do, and the flavor is really not there.

It's not there. It's not there. It's it's this is this is a giant letdown.

Huh, what are you gonna give this? Andrew?

I'm gonna give it a spoon? Wow, don't scam me. Seriously, I was so excited for this too. Look, it's not horrible.

It's not like Keto crap, but it's just it's it's not what it No, No.

You're right, it's not Keto crap. But at the same time, like, there is no good taste.

There's nothing doing. It's very bland. There's not even it's not even sweet. No, there's no cooling.

It has a weird aftertaste.

Did you notice that I certainly did.

And I don't know if that's because of the quote unquote cooling sensations.

It's the cooling chemicals.

Like my mouth does feel maybe a little cool. But now is that like psychological.

Yes, because there's no. This is yes, because there's no. This is a fane of epic proportions.

Yeah, this is honestly for our spoonies, which sorry, you're not going to get it, not this year. No, no you are, but like early next year.

Right, not this year, You'll get this twenty twenty two Spoonies and twenty twenty three.

We're doing it like the Oscars. We're awarding the best cereals in twenty twenty three.

But of the year twenty twenty two.

Yes, because we just don't have time right now. But let me tell you something that's gonna be on worst cereal list. Wow, I already feel it, all right?

Should we move on to a very good cereal?

Yeah? And I know for all of you who maybe ate this, please let us know your thoughts, because this is this is a giant letdown.

It's very elusive. I don't think that many people have eaten it because I haven't seen it anywhere.

Well, you shouldn't because it's a piece of crap.

That's probably why. Next BB, thank you from BB from Phoebe from Queen. You know what, there's some chemicals in there that's messing with my brain. I think I'm high now boy BB from Queens, thank you for the nest Lee nest Quick cereal. This is from Canada. Okay, new look, We've had nest quicks before, but not from Canada. Okay, Canadian cereals have been letdowns. Can I tell you that because I feel like we don't what like a lot of Canadian cereals. We did like the tim Bits remember that?

Also on the back of this, okay, there's many things that I have questions about. One, why does the elf on a shelf, the female one have to wear a skirt? It's all a onesie.

So they know that she's a female.

Wouldn't they know that.

I don't want to piss anybody off here, but I mean generally, when you put a skirt on, you think that it's a girl.

It just it's not. That's stupid. You're wearing a onesie too. Why does the ice cream the ice cream? Why does the snowball. Say splat, it's snow. Snow doesn't splat.

It's not a liquid, you know, it's I could splat it in your face if it wasn't hard.

But that looks like water.

Okay, dude, I don't know it's art. It's I don't like it right, Like, can we have the nest quick please? He's wearing a it looks like he's wearing a soccer jersey.

They still use the bunny.

What's his? He has a name, doesn't he?

Next? Quick Bunny?

That's quick thinks a name.

His name's Carl, Carl, the Nest Quick Bunny. Trust me, I know these things for chocolate source the feebless. Hmmm mm hmm.

There's like a brownie.

Oh that is delicious.

I think it's gently that this is a General Mill cereal. Wow, No, it's okay. It tastes like a brownie, but not a you know what kind of brownie?

Person are you? Do? You like like the edges?

I like the corner. I like the hard, crusty corner. Name.

This tastes like that. To me, that's delicious. I'm gonna give this four balls in a spoon. That's great. Not as good as and chocolate is like a cocoa puff. I would say sometimes you bite into a coca puff and you're like, whoa, Yeah, the chocolate, it's just a little it's a little odd to me because it's foreign chocolate. So I'm giving it three bowls into spoon. I like it that we're making North America foreign chocolate. Now, well it is, it's not.

It's not. It's not that sweet. And that's usually what happens from other countries.

Where is this coming from a land called Canada.

It's like I said, it's more cocoa than it is.

We're super close to Canada right now.

I know we could touch it. Whole green corn.

It's North America.

Sugar, de germed corn meal, corn syrup, cocoa, high mono unsaturated canola, canla and or high mono unsaturate. I don't think that any of that's good for you. Probably not color.

When has anything we've eaten in this podcast been.

Good for your carbonate? Try calcium, baking soda, natural flavor. Oh it has I naya sea mind. I can't see without my.

Nice mind, my glasses, I've had them right there.

For the three calciums. You notice that I did, I know you do that on purpose.

To make No, we don't. I did it to be nice.

Did I say I give it three bowls in the spoon? I'm not sure if I said that or not. Okay, well, how do we get back to the screen so we can play the thing the international the back right after this thing?

Oh commercial?

Yeah, so I guess we'll be back right after this beep.

Beep and wow, I beat two. Yeah you did so.

The next thing that we'll dive into was sent to us a month or two ago from our good friends Carla, Marie and Anthony. Oh. They sent us a box of stuff, and these are the two that are left in the box. Now, would you like granola or would you like keto crap? Or should we just do both? Since we're only.

Let's do granola granola? Yeah, okay, granola crap.

No, the granola's not crap. The keto is crap. This is Kroger birthday cake granola clusters.

No.

Now, we've had birthday cake before we had the Target brand, and we had way too sugary. What's wrong with sugary?

We didn't like it.

I didn't think we did.

No, we both agreed that it needs it like Starbucks coffee.

No, like it.

I can tell you not because I remember the cliff that I was gonna pull for the socials.

He's gonna text us any moment. Yeah, you liked it?

Yeah? I always love when he does that.

You know he did. He was a pretty harsh critic last week. He's like, I hate that. Remember that text he sent us?

Yeah, he didn't like when we were doing prank calls. I didn't either, But sorry, bro, that's just life is a prankster.

I didn't like it.

Live life on the edge.

Speaking of living on the edge and get better soon. Stephen Tyler? What he's not feeling? Well?

Do you know him personally?

Yeah? He had to cancel a bunch of shows in Vegas.

Were they shows that you were going to?

No?

But you know, how do you know Stephen Tyler from Aerosmith? How do you know he's Aerosmith?

What's living on the edge?

You probably only know him from that meteor movie Armageddon? How do you know the meteor movie?

Ready?

No?

Yes, Kroger Birthday cake naturally flavored granola clusters, which means you know what was he want? Yeah? You can have it absolutely squirreling.

Gave him the expensive coffee machine.

No, I didn't. I give him the food. No, can we explain we're moving. Yeah, one of the cleaning guys just came to the window and asked if he could have the food that I've given a lot of stuff to him too. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Yeah. Anyway, I don't like it. I do, I don't. I don't think birthday cake is a flavor. I've said it. I'm gonna say it again. This just tastes overly sweet and it's unnecessary. I give it two balls. I'm giving it four balls, so I'm doubling your score. Yeah, I like it. I would never use this on anything like what kid would ever put?

Like you could put to some plain yogurt and would be delicious.

I'm not going let's be real with ourselves. What Who's going to Kroger and say to themselves, Oh, I have a delicious vanilla yogurt.

No, dude, go.

Great Kroger birthday cake granola costers.

Oh, but plain yogurt would be great vanilla yogurt.

It might be a little bit too sweet. With plain yogurt, this would be great. And here's where it all falls apart. Birthday cake with confetti sprinkles. So is are you telling me the sprinkles make it birthday cake?

Yeah?

So anything with sprinkles now it's birthday cake festive. Yes, that doesn't make sense a little bit. Sprinkles don't have flavors.

Thank you Carla Mooray for picking this out because I know it was you and not Anthony.

Thanks Carla, I know you love it when we call you Carla.

You know, let's just bang out her next one. No for another episode we have listen, you should have been back there. Yeah, we still have all that. Oh that's exciting, and I'm not moving it with us.

I didn't look.

Let's just do this.

No, save it, No, dude, let's just eat it. We gotta get I gotta go. I gotta go to the Madison Square Garden.

We still have to record one more real quick? Ready, all right? So she also sent us Simple Truth Keto, grain free garbage, Cinnamons.

This is gonna be arable.

Let's just bang it out real quick. We know it's gonna be disgusting. We're gonna spit it out. So listen.

What is the bag made out of paper?

Oh?

You must love that.

No, it's like it's like plastic lion of paper. Hold up, but it looks like it's orange.

How many cups were there?

I added more? We're talking about I just put to more. I just grabbed too more.

Oh okay, I'm gonna look back at the footages.

Why what did you think?

Because we're always planning to do four cereals?

No, I literally just grab two more.

Hum hm.

Now I have to be very conservative with the milk because we're gonna do one more episode after this. We gotta be careful.

Okay, these look like trees by the way, like this looks like tree bark.

Please excuse my wrongness. In the last episode, I said that we were gonna do the minis this episode, but since the Christmas cereal came in the awful Christmas cereal, we we uh we bumped the minis to the.

There is zero smell to this. They look like they're honey glazed, but not like honey glaze like of cheerio. It looks like it's barbecue meat. Yes, well, look it's like barbecued something. It looks like Spaghettio's.

It could or also like tiny little fuions that a barbecue flavor. Here we go. That is the worst consistency of any cereal I think I've ever had. I don't I might go right after bad. It's terrible. Yeah, it tastes like a baby diaper.

Eh.

No, no, no, I'm sorry. No, simple truth. Oh okay, So this is Kroger's. This is kroger is like healthy you know brand?

No what it tastes like? What the checks mix?

No, don't, don't even a bagel chip?

No, it's like a bagel chip, but worse.

No, bagel chicks are delicious.

I love bagel chips, but not as a breakfast cereal. Imagine pouring milk on one of those like powdery bagel chips and that's it just doesn't work.

Where's the cinnamon?

There is no sin him?

What are you giving it? Nothing?

That's like that? That that is that is a that spit out?

Yeah?

Gross, I spit it out me too.

I give it nothing.

No. The consistency is weird. The taste is weird.

I couldn't even let it get it past my top.

So gross?

Thank you, Carla Marie.

No, why would somebody make why would someone make this? Who approves this? I'm confused?

It get there it says he's oh so good.

It's not all so good, Liar, so bad, liars. This episode was so disappointing. It started on a disappointment. You no, it's ending on a disappointment. And I'm just sad.

But it says delicious flavor.

And I'm sitting in front of a birthday cake cereal that tastes stupid and the nest Quick cereal that is pretty decent.

But thank you for listening to Serial Killers.

Guy.

I hope you're enjoying your knica and have a very very merry Christmas. I'm sad. I'm also sad.

This is terrible.

Hopefully Santa brings you some good stuff.

I hope so, because what the hell is this?

Well, next week, Andrew, you're gonna be very excited, and I promise we're gonna do it next week because we are going to record it right now, stupid. Thank you for listening to Serial Killers. Please follow us on all social platforms at serial KILLERSPC dot com. No, at serial Killers piece Malvin, Yes, and check out the website that Newman so graciously takes care of for us. Thank you Newman, serial KILLERSPC dot com.

Thank you Newman. But also Newman. Did you buy the cereal like two? I no, No, I want to know if he had it, and if so, I want to know what his thoughts were.

I don't think Newman eats cereal. Oh yeah, you're right right.

He did tell us that. All right, Well, I'm sad.

We'll see you next week. Merry Christmas, everybody.

Oh, Christmas be over by the time we end the episode.

No, today's the nineteenth, okay, so it's still it'll be the day after Christmas. It is. Today is the first full day of Hanukah. You got another seven nights. Cool and Merry Christmas. So until we see you next week the day after Christmas. Yeah, you know what. You have to listen to the next episode next Monday at six am and we'll explain why. Okay, so make sure you turn it on at six am.

That's weird.

Thank you for listening to Serial Killers. Until we see you. I don't know if we're gonna do a ball chat. We're gonna try, but maybe we'll see Wednesday, maybe or not. If not, you know, it's a Christmas present to us. Thank you. We'll see us. Say crunch, crunch, everybody. This made me sad. Wipe your tears,