A Holiday Visit From The Cap’n

Record lights on Andrew's on his phone, shut.

Up and don't press record when I'm not looking. But you knew that we were doing this, Yes I did. You're right, Okay.

I wish it was a little bit shorter because I think that's my favorite of all the songs. It's a fun one, but I wish it was a bit shorter. I like it. So, hey, welcome to Serial Killers. If you're new to the podcast. My name is Scotty B and I'm Andrew. And we talk about cereal and we think inside the box unless it's a bag, and then we don't know what to say. Then it zips close. I'm sorry you're gonna say he what?

Oh he's trying to make think inside the box like he's trying to get it trademarked, trademarked. Yeah you aren't you trying to copyright.

It inside the box? Yeah? No, First of all, don't say that because it's someone else will do it, just like you know, when I was on Extreme Couponting.

Yeah, I always forget that. It's like a fun little side story about you.

I don't know if we've ever mentioned that. We may have, but I was on Extreme Couponting back in twenty eleven, and a line that I came up with and said on the show is and this house, full price is the F word. And lo and behold. Like a month or two later, somebody had the website full price is the F word. Wow, and nobody would have said that. That came from me, truly an innovator.

Let it be known that if I ever get on the show Survivor, it won't ever apply. But I'll be like, listen on this tribe, full price.

Is the F word. It doesn't make sense, but I get it, it won't.

I just want to see that, like come back for you. Okay, well thanks, we'll deserve credit.

Well you had a nice weekend. It's Monday, and thank you for being with us. This is episode number sixty. Wow, we're old. What is sixty? It's just sixty. That's a two quarters then a done. I wasn't talking like the monetary sense, but I get it. We could have been an aarp or that's fifty fifty five. Yeah, wow, all right, so we are we're technically senior citizens.

Yeah we're getting that sweet sweet discount on rental cars.

Yeah, this is stupid. Hey, all right, so let's get cracking with the cereal. You want to get cracking, Let's just back up to that. What what, let's get going? I was just trying to come up with a synonym for going. So you chose cracking. Yeah, I don't know, that's the first that came to mind. Okay, you want to go classic or new classic? You want to start with classic? Yeah, okay, okay, just said underwhelming. Classics usually boring. Okay, so we'll go classic. It's another variety of cereal that

Well, we haven't done cinnabon cereal.

Cinnabon does not exist, and there's only one variety of it anyway.

You've refused to give me. We've done raised Krispy treats, frosted flakes. O uh, it's Kellogg's.

Yeah, okay, special k Yes, it's a special k oh. I know we've done a ton of special case. But there's just so many of them that my cereal sack is overflowing with caves.

Please never say your cereal sack is overflowing going down.

And grab it. You have any idea what riot it is, because we've done a lot of them. What have we not done yet? I don't know. I don't even know what Wednesday make or what we've done.

Okay, something with a coconut, No, no coconut, something with blueberry.

Okay, it's chocolate and almond special k. Okay, but why are the wins.

It's just after a while they the special caves all taste the same.

No, it's impossible. They'll have different possible ingredients in them.

This one has a little bit of chocolate. This one's got some almonds. This one has a walnut. At the end of the day, I mean.

Well the nut doesn't really Okay. The Chocolate Delight special K actually has chunks of chocolate. This one does not. This one has flakes coated with chocolate and slivers of almonds.

I wish Casey was here because then I could have had that oat milk again.

It was so good. I lied and said I liked it. Oh you did?

That was actually okay, So you confess that in a podcast afterwards.

No, it wasn't terrible. Well, you saw I used all of that. I only use my milk in one of them. Yeah, true, Sorry, the box fell and a flake came out.

Do you always scream like a girl? Has that like always been your thing?

What's wrong with how girls scream?

Nothing, it's just when you, as a forty year old man, goes.

Well, when I get startled, I shriek. So what are you gonna do about it? Hid? Whatever? Diamond scares me all the time, and I shriek like a girl, and she loves it. She laughs, and I have a heart attack.

Yeah, it's my favorite to watch you get scared on her Instagram.

All right, chocolate and almonds special?

K on's you?

Ooh what?

I can't get a piece of chocolate?

Where's the chocolate? It's on the flakes, I told you, don't you listen? Oh it's good. It's really good. It reminds me a lot of coco pebbles. Yeah, it's not bad.

Right, I'm just gonna give it two balls on a spoom, just like that.

No, I actually I'll give it three balls. Yep, three balls. I'm gonna go ahead and give it four. That's a little dramatic. I like it. Good chocolate flavor. I don't know the hoof, But do you think anybody's listening to this that doesn't eat cereal? Like, who the hell would listen to this if they didn't like cereal? Two idiots on the radio postic Cereal podcast. This is a radio. Yeah, it's a radio. How is it radio? I don't know. Because you're listening in a speaker, So there's a radio.

What So you're saying concerts or radios because you're listening to the concert at some point through speakers.

All right, you are awarded no points whatever, dude, I you have four balls because I like it.

I yeah, I give this three boles. It's good and that's it.

You want to just start the whole podcast over all, right, but not like the direction it's going.

Let's just play the fast forward button. Hey, scut Andy, you're on your phone?

All right? Theme song some boys Playsports Boys sorts. All right, we're gonna go to the new box now. However, yeah, it's not a box, it's a bag. It is a bag. Cool, and this came from Oh you know what, I might as well just play this Serial Killers listener request. Now, this is not the first box of cereal that our listener, Matt has sent us. Okay, so he sent us this box yesterday, and inside this box is a bag. The cereal has been around probably about a year or so. Okay,

Yeah?

Cooy Christ Yes. Birthday cake. Oh you were excited for a half a second and then you saw a birthday cake. I don't like birthday cake. You like birthday cakes? Yeah? Again?

And I've said this. I've said this countless times. Birthday cake is not a flavor.

It's not.

Do you believe it's a flavor?

Yes? Or no? No? Because no, it's not. A birthday cake is not a flavor. Because if I give you a birthday cake chocolate or vanilla or whatever, or.

It's ice cream. Yeah, please don't take that out.

I'm taking it out now. You obnoxiously coughing? Is just so. It must have He must have been Chip's birthday. He's very excited. Look at him. He's holding balloons and he's very very happy. That's actually his AA recovery party. It probably is great, Chip, Well, it's just great taste of birthday cake cookies naturally flavored sweet and cereal. So what is it naturally flavored with? I just find it funny that the bags they're so floppy. Yeah, but it feels

And my left ball is like gone because of you.

It's got a zip strip. I love that.

Zip strips should be mandatory in all boxes in my opinion. Can't open it unless you can't open it. And then they it didn't open, so the zip strip did nothing. You're almost there some Halloween aftermath decorating. You're doing great, Scott, Keep it up, keep up the great work. Wow, that took four years.

It's tough to open that.

Welcome to episode sixty one.

Killers. We're finally trying birthday cake cook Quiet. Please, that was not me. That was me.

Thank god you poured it in the bowl because people forgot what it sounds like when you pour cereal in a bowl.

Listen, dude, dude, what this is? Well, it's Okay, it's not radio. This is a podcast where people listen they can't see, so it's nice to have sound effects. Millennials don't understand. Here's a sound effect of me throwing a spoon at Andrew. I'm a metal You a hole ow chip your elbow? No, I threw it at your fat belly. I'm ninety nine percent sure I broke my wrist because of you. You toss it.

No, No, I'm gonna be nice and I'm not gonna throw it.

Look, we may have some brand new listeners from GMA on this one, so let's be nice to each other.

Well, technically, GMA will have aired at least a month.

Ago by this time. That's true. It's very possible that Elvis never even mentioned it. So here you go in case you don't know what we're talking about. Like a month ago, Elvis was on Good Morning America's Saturday Morning and pretty sure that he mentioned this podcast. Yeah, so if that's what brought you here, thank you, and I hope you're enjoying this. Hi. I'm Scotty B and this is post production. I'm editing in my voice like Andrew hates. Elvis did not mention us on Good Morning America because

I feel like, don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. Because this is Vanilla cereal.

That's it.

If you actually just tried to pee on me, I would have probably dropkicked you in the face.

Three balls in a spoon, It's not awful.

Yeah, I give it two bowls and a spoon.

And I have to say it's not widely available.

I'm going to say this is a forgettable cereal.

Not much there that I'm enjoying. Matt sent it from Delaware. I have not seen this cereal in New York anywhere ever, so it is kind of regional. I think, do you think people.

Are sad when they send a cereals? Then we don't like it?

Oh? I like it. I just didn't love it.

I'm sorry if it's underwhelming, Matt, I'm sorry I didn't like it as much. Would you give it two bowls in a spoon.

It's good. It's middle of the road. I got you.

I mean, if it's there, if it's the last cereal on earth while I try it. Okay, but that's a pretty sad apocalypse if this is the last cereal I have to eat? Are we just not talking? Are you just leaving me here to dry? Well?

Because I want to play something out to dry?

I forgot the out part serial Killers?

Yeah? What's an episode of serial Killers without a bonus box? What is it? Andrew? Just not just an episode? What's coming soon? Christmas? You're less than one the way? I can't win. I don't know if we could talk over this, because.

It's laugh we can I love talking loud.

I'm gonna shout it off. Okay, Well, the holidays are near. I can't believe it past. It's almost Thanksgiving. That's insane. It's almost Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is this week?

That's insane?

That's crazy.

Happy Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I hope you're spending it with some insane family members. Yeah, because well, never mind anyway, going down the cereal sack?

Oh do that such a personal not at all? Were you about to unleash some inner demons on the podcast about cereal.

The Captain is back with limited edition Christmas Crunch. I can't it's been around years past, you know, but it comes back during the holidays.

And it doesn't have like gingerbread flavor, does it.

No, it's just cap'n crunched with colored trees and is the start gingerbread flavored cereal. There is but a form of life which is coming soon. Okay, it's out there, it's making the rounds. But actually by the time I get it, I mean and talk about it, it's gonna be like December already. But that's okay because Christmas season. That's cool. So Captain. Look, he's all wrapped up with lights on the front of the box, so happy that he's releasing his holiday themed cereal. And on the back

There was that always the thing, and that's Smedley was crunch Beast a thing.

Yeah, he's the crunchberry guy. Remember that commercial I played that one. There was a crunchberry commercial I played one time and it made that silly noise. That's him, crunch Beast. Yes, all right. It's interesting because on the side it shows the varieties that they have available and it says crunchberries, peanut butarter, crunch in regular. But they also have oops aal berries and that cotton candy one is still kind of floating around. Yeah, what what people eat? Cotton candy?

You think just traveling carnivals like in the nineteen hundreds, they just have.

No they're still carnies traveling carnivals in the two thousand. Yeah, but they don't ride by train. Yeah, but a carney is somebody that works at a carnival and travels around.

Yes, but again it's not like old school nineteen hundred.

Oh you rip the bag.

This is a flimsy bag.

There is a flimsy bag. Damn it. I bripped both sides. This is gonna be a tough poor I hope you can handle it. Scut smells like the holidays. What do the holidays smell like to you? Holly and pine cones?

Oh? Yeah, I love Christmas. It's my favorite.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. Even though I'm a Jew, I like Christmas. I do like the holiday season. You work a marathon, twenty four hour day, right, Oh my god, Christmas Day is the best day for me. Chuff freaking ching high, double overtime all freaking day and night. Chuff freaking' ching. Are you serious? That's the one day I look forward to every year.

I mean, is it really that much more money?

It's a bunch. That's nice. Yeah, I could make a car payment. Great, all right, capt'n Crunch Christmas Crunch ready, So there's little trees by both Now wait a minute's crunchberry right. I thought it was just playing cap'n Crunch with colored pieces in it. All it says is sweetened corn and oat cereal fun holiday shapes. But that's definitely crunch Perry. They love it. Stars and trees and snowmen and sam to hats along with the original pieces.

Can't go wrong with the capt'n all right, I'm a steak fan.

Oh. Oh thought that was a cinnamon stick. That's the tree trunk.

Oh, it may have been the knife from the scary cereal guy that cap been invited to his house.

You know, I'm into it. Four balls? Why just four? Can I ask? Because I reserve higher scores for cocoa flavors and marshmallows. I don't get it.

I don't, I really don't. This is like a premium cereal. I gave it five bulls.

Oh I didn't hear that. Yeah, Oh it's another one of your favorites. I was going to say, is it. Yeah? I mean it's delicious. You've never had it before.

But it's crunchberries and I love crunchberries.

All right, we're going off the rails.

How we're reviewing the cereals?

Time to go. That's the timer that we had installed. When did we get that? I don't know. I just felt like hitting the bell. Thank you for listening to serial Killers follow us on social media sites. What that guy? Phil? There's an old man with a walker and he broke his hip and you're laughing at him.

It's just a law firm, law firm. Commercials so like, did you need compensation? Have you ever fallen and couldn't get up? That's their fault, not yours. Call us and we'll sue the crap out of them.

You will get money. And now here's the smoking commercial with the black lung in the operation.

Well, you can't watch this because you don't like visuals.

No, I can't see anything medical whatsoever. That's weird. You know. I tried to give blood one time because they were giving away free baseball tickets. So I went in and they pricked my finger just to test it first, and I started sweating and I slumped over in the chair and like, okay, no, I said, can I still have the tickets? And they gave them to me because I made an effort. But I can't give blood.

And they say millennials are entitled. You are literally like.

I'm giving faint. Can I still get tickets? I can't. I can't. I'm sweating right now thinking about it. I can't do anything to do with But like if I was, if, what is it about it that like freaks you out? And I'm so confused. My biggest fear is I beat it up. If I had to give myself shots every day, i'd be out. I can't do it. I'd have to I can't even think about it. My neighbor has that port installed. I can't even the word port makes me sick. I can't do it. I don't know.

So it's like you're at a rushaurant someone's like, oh, we have a nice port wine tonight.

Dude. As I get older and things start happening to me and I need medical procedures, there's gonna be trouble.

You're just gonna be the old curmudgeon that's like I refused, All right, dad, Well there go your legs.

Dude. I was at the proctologist one time, and I'm not going to say which one is the proctologist, but oh, I'm not going to say what went down. But all I know is the nurse was dotting my forehead with a wet paper towel to wake me up. That's all I'm gonna say. So thanks again, thanks again for listening. This has been Serial Killers episode number sixty.

Well, looks like we might need to start going back to that proctologists because we're in our sixties now.

No Andy, no plus de fact, isn't it forty five? I think forty five is when you're supposed to go for the first one.

I have to go when I'm younger because it's something bad runs in the family.

Oh yeah, lucky me. Cool. Yeah, all right, let's medical talk. Yes, I mean you know I can't do it. I'll fall over. You'll hear a thump, and that will be me. Thank you for listening once again. Please like and subscribe to our podcast as you listen to a review. We love reading your reviews.

It is the nicest thing in the world to get a good five star review from you guys. Or give us a one star and tell us that we're idiots. I mean that's always fun too.

No, only one jerk off gave us two stars. All the other ones are five stars. I love that.

Can I say one thing though, I say that all the time you were like, give us one star.

I don't care.

When I first started saying that, you were the one that was like, give us one star. Don't be forcing people to give us five stars. And now you're like, I need five stars. Only five stars.

One two, three? Crunch? Oh why are you mad? I just you just babbling. But when I speak truth, we're we're done eating and people don't want to hear this.

If anything, this is what they want to hear, is me calling you out on your hypocrisies.

One two three, See you next time. Crunch Yeah, who does that? Jerk? You're a jerk, idiot, dumb face, stupid head, Are you too, yes, jerk man,