"The Bible" Part 2 feat. Cat Cohen (RE-RELEASE)

Celebrity Diva. I feel obese right now.

I'm so stuffed from all the holiday parties and all the duck I've been eating around my Christmas table with my good friend's family, loved ones, and colleagues.

I'm also so freaking annoyed my family. My mom won't shut the f up.

There's nothing worse than the week between Christmas and New Year's Sorry, does anything happen in this week?

Okay? I just put on fleece and watch reruns of Reba. Sorry.

If I was a world leader, this is when I went to all my invasions because no one's paying attention.

Anyway, Christmas Diva, Look, we're gonna rerun part two of our Bible episode.

Because this season is about once again celebrating His wisdom, generosity, beauty, and kindness.

And we want you to go into the new year with a new direction paved by him.

So glory Beat to the King up on high as you tuck in.

What awesome R and listen to Bible episode Franks on deck.

This is the Bible Part two featuring CaCO and Amen.

Who's that knocking at the door.

It's all your friends, you filthy horse. Your husband's gone, and you've got books and a bottle of wine to kill.

It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip.

I'm shook its memoirst Celebrity Book Club read it while it's hot.

Celebrity Book Club, tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books.

No boys are a loud.

Celet bo say it loud and cloud Celebrity Book Club.

Buzz me in. I brought the queer voe. Hey friend, my sister in Christ, How are you.

My beautiful brother in christiandom it is so gorgeous you. I had the longest day. I was in the Sea of Galilee for like six hours. There was in soon traffic at the port. It's trying to doc you know how it is.

Oh girl, I'm with some goats. Okay, they all had leprosy. But funny thing happened.

Oh let me guess they didn't even want to be healed.

Oh no, they all just want to walk around Jerusalem covered in leprosy.

Right, I'm like, your limbs are falling off. Just accept Christ into your heart. People are insane these days.

But finally I had some wine. It was water, but this like really hot guy came up and like changed it for me. This is so crazy. We have one of the strongest sisters in faith joining us today.

Yeah, one of my favorite, favorite favorite disciples from Sunday School, Saturday School, all the schools. Really, she's a lover, she's a fighter, she's a friend, she's running for governor.

She is she's a family woman. Oh and by the way, to our listeners, yes, this is our what we're calling now our annual Bible episode, and we are doing the Second Testament and were.

Sorry, sorry, the Second Testament colloquially known as the Bible Part two. And we have one of our favorite Christians here with us. You can hear her that gorgeous, sumptuous many people say, French voice coming into the microphone.

You know her from her faithful special on the pics.

Of called the Twist Dot Dot Dot. She's gorgeous. It's actually the twist dot dot question mark. She's gorgeous. Ladies and gentlemen, Cat Cohen, Catherine, o.

Oh, I am feeling the power of gratitude. I am feeling the heart of Jesus, and I feel like He is filling me up through both of you, and I feel so full with Jesus is filling.

It's so uncanny the way it comes out of you, like so realistically, you know what I mean, Like, I feel like I can feel the sexuality and the repression and then the re unrepressed sexuality coming back.

I don't know anyone who embodies Christ more than you.

I try and live in his image. And that is a hymn. And that is a guy, a white guy with a beard with long hair, long hair, looks like a member of Fleet Foxes. That is what he capital h looks like. And I don't want to hear otherwise. And he can fill me up any day of the week.

I love my God. He's awesome, Our God is You're an awesome God.

He reigns from heaven. Number of with is umbella and love them.

So let's get into a cat cat you obviously you have a background in this world.

Well it's really twisted because I'm you know, my last name's Cohen. I am half Jewish, but growing up in Texas, I ended up going to Evangelical church and then camp in Arkansas, camp called Camp Ozark, the incomparable Camp Ozark, where you were encouraged to la la la la, live out loud in Christ's image. It destroyed my brain. It ruined, it ruins lives. It's the most twisted.

Place, so scary.

How did you come upon Camp Ozark? Was it like a hot fellow popular girl was like you gotta come this summer.

Yeah, it was cool. Like in my high school, it was like a cool place to go. It's like, we're going to Ozark and like my church, I like a lot of people, A lot of kids went to Ozark. It was like I was a fifth Session. A lot of Houston kids did Fifth Session and I was actually an osage, which is like about the sexier tribe, and it was all about Fifth Session. And there was like always a theme song and the main one I remember is La La La La, Live out Loud And is

Like everyone is like you're silent all reading your DeVos or do you read aloud to each other?

You were reading you like read a verse and you talk it through. I remember one night sobbing on the steps of my cabin with this friend of mine because we were so worried about how our our Jewish friends, our Jewish friends and family were all going to Hell and we were really sad about that.

We were just right into the Second Testament. I was like, Okay, this is so Kanye, Like the whole Second Testament is like yeah. And then the Jews did.

This basically also like the second I went to college and wasn't around these people, I was like, oh wait, I don't want to do this anymore, and was somehow Marocans able to like fully snap out of it. But I was telling thee before we started recording that it was very cool to like memorize long Bible verses and like have them to say to people like And I texted a friend of mine who I'm s so very close with, who was also part of the church, and

Let's do it. Let's get into it.

There'd be people at Ozark where you'd just be like like, hey, Brandon Luke three eleven, and he would just like say it, and they'd be like a party trick.

It would be more like I can't talk to Brandon because he's making me feel impure and I and you had to wear a one piece of bathing suit.

Even underclothes, like while you're sleeping.

Well, the thing to wear was that you'd wear a sports bra underneath a one piece bathing suit. And then girls would get in trouble if their shorts dipped below like the hip part, and it was called hipskin, and they'd be like, no, hipskin.

Girls, hipskin to it. That's so sexy, hipskin. We should come up with skin shorts that are called hipskin.

Wait, No, hipskin is a great name for a brand like skin skin.

Oh, I got another pair of hipskins. I got three, just three, every color.

And it's Hipskin subscription. It's a it's a post script, a post Christian subscription box.

Today's episode is sponsored by Hipskins.

A monthly subscription of sexy shorts that obey God.

Use code pure at checkout?

Did you before we get your favorites?

I have it?

Did you like make out Campo's arc?

No, No one wanted to kiss me for so long it was hell. I remember once I had a crush on this boy. Yeah, I know, I had I had a crush on this boy once who wore this like Maroon Arkansas hot Go razorbacks and what I I Literally it was like a movie I watched in real time. My friend tell him I'd have crushed on him, and I watched him and his friends all start pointing at me and laughing. Oh that's why I do stand up calmed.

Wait, wait, that's so the Taylor Swift song like have you ever like kissed somebody in a crowded room and everyone was like laughing.

You except no one started clapping?

Wait wait and then just but were there? Like were there was like the sluttiest girl at church camp in the sluttiest guy, Like was there an insanely impure hand jop happening underneath the rectory or whatever?

This this camp was so twisted that like the coolest girl was like the most pure and like had a boyfriend, but they didn't care and they woudn't kiss until they're married.

Wow.

And a lot of these a lot of these camp couples that we looked up to, it was so clear they're now in retrospect that both sides are so closeted. Yeah, and that's why they that's why they could That's why they could obey. Yeah, right, like I want nothing to do with you.

The guy has like an eight pack in like is showing so much chip skin and is just like I have no Yes, of course I would love to kiss Kayley, but I won't. And it's like you're in Chelsea now absolutely just.

Well you were just like me and my fiance both love musicals. We're actually both auditioning right now.

Yeah, exact.

Okay, so wait, what's your favorite verse?

I mean, yeah, this is Ephesians, which is kind of like Alts which is chic for by grace, you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing. It is the gift of God. Ephesians two eight interesting and the classic one. Another classic one is Philippians four thirteen. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Okay, so these are kind of like classic Girl Boss ones where it's just like, hell, yes, bitch.

I can just totally Yeah.

The New Testament to me was much where it is very Kardashians in this way, because it is very just like he shall who have give bread, will not eat the bread until we all rise in the name of Christ. And it's like basically, don't eat carbs until like you become like holy in his It's.

Very it's very tech talk like to me. So for those of you who don't know, the Second Testament as we call it, is kind of like it's kind of

And it's so Nixium the whole thing.

It really, it's like, yeah, the around girls time to get branded.

And I guess I'm just like okay, so there's nothing else to do, and like your boat is docked at like the port of Galilee, and you're like, well, this random guy with long hair is talking. I guess I'll go listen because what else am I doing? Like no one has a phone, so it's just like, yeah, he was kind of the only game in town. But then it's just like so much of it that he's spouting is like, you know, and not to poke holes in the Bible because I would never.

Because it is and it makes sense. It is really aged well, hasn't it.

It's just very like this is kind of general acid advice, just being like do unto others, like things will go well if you believe in yourself, and just like good luck.

It's very love is patient, love is kind, whereas old husband's very like put blood over your door, like take a lamb penis.

Yes, everyone's always like raped. And then there's nine sheep and they're boarding ship and this is just like and there was a blind man and when Jesus, okay, this part is insane to me. There's like a blind man. Jesus takes clay, puts it on the blind man's eyes and fixes his sight. It's the first lasik.

Lasic was originally Clay, I mean. And then all of it, you're just like, also, they're just they run through stuff so quickly, so like yeah, then he cured a lunatic and someone with palsy, and it's just like they're not even really explaining, and so I'm like, next, I do feel like it's like you know there's many explanations, but it's like I feel like there's a lot of Munchausen's

No. I was like I get that, Like God was like Jesus is my son, blah blah blah, and that whole thing explained. And then oh, with that, I believe totally totally. But then I'm a little like, so he has so many powers, I need like a little more if you can kind of explain like background, Oh.

I don't really remember. I mean I really blacked out like those years for the most part, hence me having to text my friend. But I know everyone was very obsessed with the Holy Trinity and with understanding that like God is one and like they are all things through

Did you say no?

Just like in my head? I was like wow, I mean I must really believe.

Wait, so you were looking for like for what we call the physical signs. You were being like mmm, actually like that guy looks like Jesus, or just like I'm seeing across right now like in a shadow.

I kept just being like I don't feel these things everyone's talking about, Like how can I construct it?

We're girls on the ski trip and I can't like coming back to like in the you know, bunk bed being like y'all like literally like Jesus, God came to me like on the slope, and I did.

Like today like God witnessed to me on the slope, like I totally saw him. I saw through nature's beauty. I was seeing him. But then also like our favorite game quote unquote game to play at night was that we'd obvious sleeping in these big rooms like in bunk beds, and our favorite game was just to like start making sex noises and see if anyone knew who it was, so I'm like, there was also that a bunch of virgins moaning.

And that is actually like the most high school game I can say where it's just like you're all such virgins and you're being like, wait no, like sex okay, sex noise competition. Okay. I want to bring up this line because I was a little confused by it. Matthew eleven sixteen, If we may.

You know, I really I told you, guys, I wish I had my high school Bible which was hot, pink and black, and said my name.

I love how slutty hot topic that is. Yeah, like the Bible itself, like the cover or your highlighter was like pink.

No, the cover, the cover it was the Bible was actually I get you, guys. Love this a gift from my eighth grade graduation from River Rokes Baptist School and they give me a slutty pink Bible.

Oh wow, wait like the cover because girls get a pink Bible.

Yeah, I'm boys got blue because gender right.

And if a man hath unto him a woman and she doth commit adultery, you shall take her eye out.

Do not test your husband. You are on a treadmill towards Jesus, with him side by side at all times.

I was surprised that at some point they say like they're like, okay, divorce is all, but also like not encouraged.

They kind of well, from what I was understanding on Wikipedia, which is some would say the modern Bible, it was kind of saying like New test was being a little bit more like, listen, we know that people are doing divorce, and they.

Are doing a lot of couples are open, Like if you open, that's kind of happening now.

So we're gonna kind of turn all of the like you know, you can only eat a goat with three toes or whatever thing into like a little bit more of like metaphor vibes, and everything's being like a little bit more of just like Jesus is kind of speaking broadly and just being like and if you feel that that's wrong, like that that's wrong. But ultimately his love is light, and my stone is bread and bread it's water, but water is you, and I have to go.

I have to.

Oh wait, God, there's a there's a passion that spoke to me as a girl boss, if I may so, it's John sixteen twenty one. We all know it. A woman when she is in travail, hath sorrow because her hour is come. But as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembers no more the anguish for

A man that is so wise. And I think that's exactly what I felt shooting my special I was like, okay, through Christ, unto me is born.

And it was travail, and you were like, my hour has come, like it's.

Giving, was giving travail and it was servying my hour.

But ultimately, content is a man. Content.

You think content is a man, you know, because it loves me.

Content to me is statue a woman.

But see this is where I think it's reversed. And you're only saying that because you're like a vicious consumptive toply. But I think I think I have shared. I think you're ar because if you think about it, if you think about it like, oh, we think men colonize, the conquer whatever, but like what is the ultimate consumer? You know, the woman, the whole, the cavern, the woman take it,

Right, So when I post wearing a straball yeah yes, Parney, yes, party, And when I scroll, I am spreading my legs.

If a man can post, I can post two, and I can post multiple times a day.

And that is Kardashian seven twelve.

No, Courtney posted, I sent it to you guys a John today. Let me just pull it up, yeah, she said John for today. She posted that, yeah, we love because he first loved us, which is that's yeah, so true, literally is so true.

Can I say something though about that? And this is where I really kind of as I was reading this, you know, Jesus, he's running around there's so much geography in this book.

He's really not I mean, he's so van life. As you said, he looks like he's simple process.

And he's just like going from town to town, lake to land. It's just endless, just been like and then after Usha Lah and Malabeth. We went to Zabaloon and everywhere his fan life ask goes. It's just him being like, oh I can save you. Oh, actually, all you need to do is love me and you'll be fine. It's just like the narcissism.

It's really outrageou.

Yeah, the savior complex and just like maybe he is literally the savior, but it's just like, how do you get to that point without thinking like, I'm so amazing. All you have to do is love me and your problems are solved. It's also can I say this only child syndrome?

He's very only child? Yeah, yes, because it's just like when he goes to that wedding, the infamous water to wine moment. He goes to the wedding and he's like there with his entire squad and he's like, mom, sash Mary Magdalene, can we have wine? And she's like we only have water and he's like pissed that he's at this dry wedding and that it's like fine, I'm turning it all into wine. And then the mom which is also classic boy mom to like think your son is like the most amazing.

Yeah, it's fully asking Michael Imperioli for fifty thousand years.

Stephen doesn't wait.

Sorry, I've seen a couple episodes and very hotel rooming.

Yeah, interesting thing to abstain from at this time.

But.

I'm famous contrarian. I cannot do what it's popular. However, obviously I've had the ending spoiled to me by social media and I got it, and that's really interesting.

No, the thing is, I want to be clear about this, Like I literally love God. I think God is amazing, But God is not Bible me.

Right, what is God? What is God to you?

Like a tree nature? If I had to go there? We all believe in God?

Okay, yeah I did for like four weeks after reading Mariam Williamson's book.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like I was absolutely on board. I was like, she is the divine and she is everywhere, and she is love and she is like coming back to my authentic truth and just like I am in her, and I believe that something connects us all and like the collective consciousness is real and like I am not like an island and to myself, nor should I be. But I have forgotten about that, I guess, But gone, when did you?

I guessed even did you like when did you stop like it just you went to France or something like that, did you just.

Vacation or kind of well, I think, which really says like my God is actually just like travel, and so it's like and then when I actually go to France, I'm like, oh, I forgot about needing kind of that because like ultimately God is a crutch I think. And so so it's like when you forget about the crutch and you're just living your life, like you can call that God, but like you're not actually calling it God because you're busy living.

Yeah, you really need God when you're like in New York in your home office, you're not nothing to look forward to. That's when you really need God.

For me, I don't believe in God, but I truly do believe in Santa in this way, I guess.

Like I get it is God.

My boyfriend, because like I feel like he does represent like I know he's not quote unquote real, but like there is like a joyfulness and I guess that's what and he is man with the beard like because I feel like when I was young and I was like, how do I know if God? Because I went to Unitarian Sunday School where they just teach you obviously about like other religions, and it's just like more school. And so I was like, wait, no, there is a god and is like a guy with white hair and he

You know there's something about the all father, you know, other religions. Obviously in Norse tradition, Odin does have a beard sometimes and he's sort of like an old man, and there is this comfort right in the masculine elder we look up to who has been there before us, who is strength, who's even like maybe feels safer than the dad figure because the grandfather is maybe not going to like fuck you in the same way because he's like a little he can't get out of bed in

He is like also being like, yeah, tricks were hot, but it's like in like a cute grandpa way.

Yeah, there's something charming about like that sort of letrousness when it's over the age of sub Hugh Hefner, right, I mean, Hugh Hefner is a Santa to many.

Yeah, Lily, I really see the light of God within you. So, oh you do that what you will?

I mean, I mean there's also something about Italian and like being a childhood divorce, but also like food and Christmas and everything religious.

My season it's Sagittarius, it's roast.

I do feel a little bit knowing that I was baptized. I do feel a little bit saved. M just in case, literally, just in case, we're so, did you have a cat Christian?

No, I had to. My mom's side is extremely Catholic, so which is different than this evangelical stuff. The evangelical stuff was truly just to be a popular girl at my school and it worked. I wasn't not popular, but I wasn't top tier would be best that b list like I was. She was at the party, but I wasn't invited because I wasn't sexual. I wasn't sexual, so there was no need to have me around.

Did you collect pens.

In a way?

Okay, like, yeah, a lot of a lot of.

I know what you're saying, but that's not that's not what it was. Okay, but I literally know exactly what you're saying.

I know you get it, and I know you have the picture.

Actually have a bit of a masculine energy when it comes to academia. Like my handwriting's bad so which means, of course, guy's.

Girl so hot.

And I think because I.

Have pcos I actually have extra tistore room.

Oh I didn't highlighters and that's why you like whiskey exactly.

Oh oh oh, anyways, yeah, I was baptized and confirmed Catholic.

You are you? Oh absolutely not? No, nothing, no God no. Then you know, my parents raised me as a freelancer. They were very they were busy working their jobs and having a sort of a rotating string of nannies every year, and so I was kept away from the church, and I was taught that the church was wrong. We only went to the church to like buy a Christmas tree. The only Christian woman I had was seven a m. Mass Easter morning on the ski slope once and my slope,

Both of you guys went on like religious religious ski outings.

Steen is religious. Well, you know when when you go when you go fast down a hill, you do start in field God like a little bit because you're kind of like you're at the extreme of what nature can let you do. Gravity, right, gravity is God's work.

No, I mean last time skiing, I that's I like, I think I actually did start praying when we went skiing last year and for a month because I was in it was so horrible and I was like I was in ill fitting equipment. I was like the fear of God was within me. My legs hurt so much they're about to give out, and I literally was like praying. I was like, just Lily, get for this.

I think you need to be a border border chick.

I want to be a border chick.

So bad.

But I'm like, I feel like that involves even better balance than I already have. Do you bored? No? Okay, you're more ski Okay. I want to bring up another girl bossy quote in here, and this is I think it's Matthew again. And when the King came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment, and he said, unto him, friend, how earnest thou in hither not having a wedding garment?

Now, like yeah, for the very you're just getting your tucks and they're just like you can't rely on them for anything. And he's just like, what what's wrong with it? She's like, you're not gonna wear a vest. You need to wear a vest. All the grooms men are wearing a vest.

You need to wear vents, you need to wear the shoes you need, like are you serious?

And God, and that was God was God saying that, Lily, can I ask is your version to my version on all the all the Word of God is in read.

I've actually bought the Bible on my kindle for one ninety nine.

So I can't.

I can't. I haven't looked at it in so long it scares me.

Okayburg found dead pressed bye on like my kindle which is from twenty fifteen, and it's like so slow, and it's just like Bible one charge.

It is a shib three yeah, but I mean, honestly, it's still a deal. The amount of wisdom you're getting for two dollars.

I feel like I read the Bible lesson. I was more interested. There was this book my friends and I were all obsessed with called Redeeming Love. It was a novel about a prostitute who like gets to find love through Jesus by like praying and being a virgin again.

Wow.

And I used to want my crush to see me reading it.

What was the cover? Was it like a dress? I'm a prostitute.

It's a woman called red dress.

I'm gonna say it's a because it's like there's the

Oh I have the Kardashians always been Christian?

They've well, because they've always been. Because the thing is when they're when they like want the other sister to take them seriously, they say Bible.

Oh my god.

They're always just like Bible, like it just means I'm about to say something really important or Okay. So this book that you read, it's more of like a deb it's more like a Southern deb. On the cover, she's kind of worrying like a gotten with the wind dress. Yeah.

I was picturing like kind of like a cartoony this night and it's not like an old time you prostitute.

Wait, and I have a question, Kat, did you have a dead ball? Did you have a coming out moment or not?

I did attend one or two dead balls, But that was not my family's vibe.

Were they were the Cotillion's Christian in nature.

Or more like that was more like the A List popular or just generational wealth vibes. The A List was like cool Christian girls. Beyond that, I don't remember, did you?

Like the rest were losers, so I don't remember what they were doing.

I really blacked out all those years.

Is this traumatic for us to kind of bring you back to No? I don't.

Honestly reading those verses though, it just makes me like it does make me a little upset. I'm like, this is so fucked up. Like I think if my parents knew how intense it was, they wouldn't have wanted me to be involved.

It really is crazy because you were rebelling against them with like insane Christianity. They were like, what is going on here? Like you were like original, just like TikTok maga girl, But that's effs so insane where it's just like two women shall be grinding at the mill, the one shall be taken and the other.

You're like, and.

What this makes no sense? One girl works in a mill and the other doesn't.

That's like, sometimes life is life is like that, and I think Jesus message is very just like sometimes you're at the mill and sometimes you're not, and it's kind of like.

Sometimes and sometimes you're working on a project, right.

Yeah, I mean a lot of it is very like stop complaining, which I think is generally good advice. I wanted to talk about the Last Supper for a second. Do you remember this scene in Luke where they're at the Last Supper they're having all this unleavened bread, which sounds very Are you like flat to me?

Right? Is that like kind of that or is it more flat bread like Armenian Levache.

I was thinking Levash as they make it on the Kardashians, which is again our really only reference for Christianity, it seems, yeah, but when they like go to our media for that one episode and Kanye is just like, oh my God, like we invented a church and then they leave. But like I I wonder if it is matsa, because I know that that's very important in religion as well. But

No to me, well the whole because there's again so much bread in this book.

The no I mean, yeah, I was like, where the where is the end dive salads, Like.

Where's the where's the word thank you?

Where's so they're having less bread? But then it is this thing where he I didn't realize this because I had sort of never read this originally when I heard this story, and by the story, I mean when I listened to the song Judas by Lady Gaga, But I realize that so like Judas the Famous Trader is like at the dinner with them, and Jesus knew, and he does this thing where he's like, but behold the hand

It's also giving, like real housewives. It's very they're going on a trip together and it's like, I can't believe she's at the table.

Yeah, it's giving, she's at the table. But then he's just like, guess who the murder is? And now it's a murder mystery dinner party and we're all just like it.

So it's actually so like poly adult games. I'm having a murder mystery party.

I think I would like a murder mystery party.

Honestly, I was actually looking up someday look really fun, I have run.

Okay, my parent used to do them, like with their wine tasting club, your parents. Honestly, I'm well, one of the guys that they're wine tasting is an actual warlock and he was always single and now just like does that just mean he was gay? And he was always wearing like an amulet, and I remember it they did and like one of their parties, I played the dead body.

My god, I looked it. I booked it.

I booked their role and I was like so into it and it was being such a fagot and just like all the adults were having all their wine and breeze, just like reading their note cards, just being like was it, Pamela.

I mean, your parents are so eighties nive out. I feel like they would be like having a dinner party. Then someone actually would be like caught dead in the lab.

I would say, Okay, a couple of other things before we go to segments. I mean, one thing that struck me about this I feel like I was a little bit starstruck reading this. I was like, you say, sir Harold or just like just like kind of the book, like you get to a like a phrase that's you know, just like a house divide it cannot stand. You're like, wow, like this is where this comes from. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of random. You're like, wow, like this is just

It is like this comedy special that it's like the office people are like, yeah, people are still.

British office.

Wait is a British office old testament and American office? Yes, very testament.

Steve Carral is my Jesus and he can get it.

When do you think Jesus is coming back?

Or no, oh, that's such a good question. Okay did you used to think in like Ozark days, when did you think Jesus will come back? Like in your lifetime? No?

I kind of still was like I don't think so. I don't know, it seemed a bit much. It seemed a bit much to me.

Yeah, I what is like the destruction of the world. That's like the because I feel like that is obviously coming.

Second Coming. Yeah, that is sort of concurrent with our conversation.

Second Coming is here is I'm almost crazy. It's almost like maybe Jesus already came back and like left again.

I could see this happening, where like there were some people who knew about it, but they kind of like and then also some people missed it and they felt like, oh fuck, that was him, wasn't it He was? And he was just there for like forty five minutes and it's kind of awkward, and now everyone's kind of pretending like he's got to come back, and it's like you actually just missed it, Like that.

Was it like like a celebrity wearing a wig at a restaurant and you're like I see them, Yeah, you see them.

It was amazing he was there, and like he wasn't even in Nazareth, just like he was randomly just like in Vancouver for like forty five minutes out of lunch and then like that was it.

Vancouver, And we're.

Kind of just like, oh my god, you've been to Vancouver.

I feel like it's so you.

I guess I think it's like you're famous and they like, you know stuff there.

It's very ship off, like hot teens there to shoot c W shows. Yeah, and they come back seven years later and there's like billionaires but they have no friends or life.

They like don't know how to speak to people.

And they're dressed like. I shot three seasons of the Elder Crown like and it was canceled even before we shot the first season somehow. You know, my parents had their honeymoon in Vanus No, with the Warlock. Yeah, their third Yeah.

They were like white lotus sharing rooms like connecting rooms with.

The Warlock Vancouver in the seventies.

It was see that's I feel like Jesus did come back in the seventies in Vancouver and he visited.

Your parents on their honeymoon and he was Since then, it's actually been all downhill.

Because that was like the ultimate cult time and everyone was looking like him, so did.

You Everyone was looking dislike him?

Yeah, everyone was being very long hair, fair enough.

Where did your parents' honeymoon cap?

Oh?

Yeah, very quick cut.

Everyone go around and say where your parents?

These are icebreakers that we used at campus Ork.

Oh my god, need to send y'all picks from this place. It is really like, oh, my parents, I believe honeymoon in Hawaii.

Okay, fucking sexy, very classic. They were twenty five, that's so beautiful, strong today.

Apparently they had.

Sex night and it was awesome.

No, they were just told me recently that they had like a Catholic I think they had a Catholic priest marry them, but he was hitting on one of the bridesmaids, which is incredible.

Priests are gay. Here first, Lily, did you I'm.

Literally trying to think. I'm like, did you guys honeymoon? I know they did a euro backpacking trip when my sister was one.

Oh my god, cute.

And we're so alps. But I don't I honestly will have to ask my mom, Like, I don't know. I know they just did. They had a wedding, and then I know they did like a second wedding for all my dad's like Italian relatives think, yeah, just let us.

Know and you can share whatever you're comfortable with. In terms of the details of their.

Celebrity.

What does she eat, what does she live, how does she wears? Does she wear? How does she live? Okay, let's start with what does she wear? I think it's interesting. I think God is obviously very robes and rags. Modern Jesus like would obviously be more.

Just like.

Oh wow, actually, isn't it?

But isn't it more eventelic guys win like really long t shirts and tight pants.

Oh, I know what you mean.

I like there's two, there's actually two, Jesus, is there is? There's like super poly long shirt hemp like from a weird.

So many half necklaces wide, a lot of rings and bracelets, the beads. Yeah, but then I also.

See this like car Heart just like double knee pants Tan.

Living out of his car in Bushwick and like, yeah slay like new Girl all every night.

Full fuck boy, come to Galilee with me, Beanie.

That's true.

It sounds hot.

Carhart Jesus and like Etsy Jesus.

I think. And then back then it was obviously like more rags and robes and everyone was just always in like the most perfectly like modest toga that was just like hanging just so like you.

Put the prostitutes of sorry sex Workers of Nazareth Nazareth, like were they in this dress that s.

W the Swan sex Workers of Nazareth?

Oh was it? Like? Were they in like kind of like more you know, scantily clad things, do we think or was it like ankle vibes right, you're just showing ankle and wrist.

I feel one shoulder. I think it's one shoulder. I also think it's just like weird subtle things that made me wouldn't see you know what I mean, just like, oh, like she has like one fern leaflet like on on the left shoulder. It's kind of hanky cody. Oh that means she takes it up the ass and like she's down or it's like the back of the dress is dirty in this bird way. We were like, oh, I know why, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I mean, but the back of the dress is like so dirty because it's like so much clay.

Like everything is probably so dirty back then, and like the way.

They're tying sand and all the crevices so sands constantly dusty.

Okay, what does she eat?

Obviously bread leon bread, bread oil, olive oil, rosemary like dips.

It's very like.

Toa like tura massoal like to zekee like hummus totally. I guess I never saw hummus mentioned in this book.

But like, yes, do they do yogurt like a Sozeki is that happening, because I guess it is so goat. So they're like, has dairy happened?

Darry's definitely happening. I feel like there's always like milking a cow is such a metaphor.

Right, Okay, I actually I just not this is against the rules. But I did just google hummus in the Bible, and it does say Ruth and Boas met in Bethlehem and he offered her what seems to have been an ancient form of hummus. He said, come hither and eat of the bread and dip dimorsal and vinegar. They do talk about vinegar a lot, and I think that maybe vinegar has like is like maybe an overly like a broad translation for a lot of different things, because.

It could be wine. I mean, it's also probably how they.

Could be apple juice, it could be olive oil, it could be maybe even hummus in this case a.

Dip of vinegar, right, because.

There's a thing where Jesus is on the cross, do you remember that? And like some like town's person gives him vinegar from like a leaf or something, And it's like, if I'm dying, do I want to just drink straight vinegar. Actually maybe because it's like so good for you.

Right again it's Poppy Snider. Yeah, it's apple side. It's they're doing shots of apple side or vinegar for like gut health, like the dot under.

Right, if you're being crucified, Like a way to boost immune system is vigar.

Top ten things to eat before you get crucified. But meat wise, I was gonna say, I feel like it feels very like classic Thanksgiving, Like it's all like spit fire, not Thanksaving like Christmas, like lamb ros and like braised chicken chicken tajeans.

Sounds very good.

Yeah, it's a dinner party good Yeah, winter dinner party stuff, you know, root vegetables, yes, tons of vegetables. Squash Is that too.

Far, Lily? I think you're getting to autumnal like we're talking about Israel here, Like I don't know, I mean maybe they do a squash over there.

Who are you in the book? Cat?

Isn't there like a why who takes a bath on a roof? Or is that old testament?

I'm sure there is somewhere.

Yeah, there's so few women in the in this amazing book.

Yeah. Yeah's always like a wife. It's always just like kind of general wife vibes.

Because there's so many women an old testament in this book. I was like, this is so Boston movie. Everyone is like, oh, meet my brother Tom's friend Simon, and like we're going out with Matthew, Luke and John. You're like this lacrosse team.

I kind of think maybe I'm married, just because obviously I'll say it. She's a liar, like she obviously was cheating on Joseph and like got pregnant and then was just like, okay, randomly immaculate conception, it's not crazy. And Joseph was like obviously like sad and couldn't get it up and was just like so cocked and was just like, wow, my pure wife got pregnant. And it's like, babe, read the room, you know what I mean.

I've been keeping up the charade for years to protect Joseph, I.

Know, to protect his fucking fragile meleygo.

Men are garbage people, thank you?

Yeah about the track on three twelve, Men are garbage? Oh wait? Ps I finally looked up oh wait, Houston Austin three sixteen, and I guess that was him. I thought it was like him being Christian, but it was him actually just being like, no, Austin three sixteen is I'll whip your ass, like as to another wrestler. You guys are looking so blank me talk about.

I looked up John three sixteen and it was about getting into heaven, and I was like, that's interesting. I forgot Austin. I mean, Austin's not one of the books.

No, no, no, so Stone called Steve Austin. No, I got a bustler it was, but like on all of his T shirts it says stone Fill sixteen. I thought always his thing was that Bible quote. But I looked it up and it was like there was another wrestler that I guess was being so Bible quote and he was like, suck this like Austin three sixteen, like I'll whip your ass.

Okay, you guys, I hate I hate that.

We still like it's just it's unfair to you because you did explain it again, but we still still that's okay.

We're moving on.

And that's what podcasting is. It's raw and it's real and for God, so love the world that he said his only begotten son et cetera, and I always you guys.

I hate to do this. I have to hard out here right now. I want you guys.

Okay, Well, I guess actually it turns out your fucking Jesus because you're always like parting ways and going to Galilee and like another city. I guess I'm John. I don't know why, but I'm just saying that I'm the.

Girl on the bath in the roof.

Right.

I give this book I don't know, two out of five. Like Floggings, I'm a little bit just like it kind of skips over stuff really quickly, but there's so much boring and stuff where it's like and then I went here and it's just like, I don't know, let's get a little more color in here.

Give me one point point seven Mason Jars of Natural Wine out of five. I'm just like it repeats itself. It's confusing, but it makes me feel like I should understand it, so it makes me feel stupid, which I don't like. Kat, What's you're reading? Like?

Seven seven Hemp Friendship Bracelets past amongst.

The girls just braiding each other.

Christians love love, love to wear lots of bracelets and necklaces.

So true, Kat, You've given us so much wisdom today.

This is.

Your past.

You guys actually read the book.

I feel the book.

I try and live the book. But I'll keep praying about it, and I'll pray for y'all tonight, and thank you.

I'll pray for you too, Okay, praying for you both honestly as I make sex noises in my.

Bunk murder dinner, murder dinner.

At murder dinner. I'm sure I'm not going to ask you where people can find you, because that's honestly the dumbest thing anyone could ask. It's just like they can look. Thank you.

I'm trying to get on TikTok are y'all on tick.

That's something I can do at my age.

I am to browse other Christian pages.

Girl defined yeah you know, but we do have to talk about that in person.

Next week we will, Okay, you guys, I am running.

I love you.

I love you in his name and his son set the file in his name.

Club kids, best praise be he'alv have a blessed day.

Love y'all.

Bye, thrown on back. This Benjage episode was presented by Prolog Projects, edited by Benjamin Frish, with that a total support from Andrew Parsons, Percia Berlin, Leon, Madeline Kaplin, Narlene. Isn't that okay? Well, you know the names are. Current producers are Darby Masters, supervising producers of Huzza Far. Executive producer is Christine Everett. But you know it's been the