Cleverty, my peace, what did you think of that horrendous play?
Oh, my dear lord, Earl of Sandwich. I must tell you that Shakespeare he is long in the tooth occasionally, But my goodness, for this one Romeo and Juliet dastardly, dastardly.
I mean, if it wasn't for that fine Jane Bartholemew who's playing Juliet, who has the finest buzzard the side of London.
I do agree Jane is well carriaged, but the acting it needs several more years.
Oh lord, look at those semens starving. I would give them fivepence, but I have to spend it on air, and I gave my wife, the bitch, the rest of my money. You know I need an ale.
I'm quite thirsty. Misself piece looks, Oh there she is.
Her bosom is even better off stage, so plumped, so rosy, so milky darth.
How it remind me of a winter pheasant gussied up and inflate it.
H miss, oh mock lady of the theater. Would you care to join me and my dear dear fellow peeps into our coach. We are going for an ale? Well, I suppose the girl just.
Get quite famished from being on stage all night. Dear, good old of Sandwich.
So it's an evening, then come with us.
Oh, I suppose I'm to be sandwiched between the Earl and his vassal.
Ah, here's a coach when we are going to the White Stylow Tavern down codswell Way.
Tell you, sir, everybody in close the door. Oh this birth On that performance was quite wresting.
Oh, thank you so much.
I learned to read old Body a year ago, and I've been studying the Royal Shakespeare Theater and father told me I would be a street urch and no, I said, I'm an actress. I'm a lady of the theater.
Oh yes, well, very respectful.
There.
Would you like to see my new pocket watch, my good lady.
Oh, I've never seen a pocket watch before.
Now look at this and see the hands how they move around? You know?
Actually, Lady birth On On, you I actually have an even older pocket watch if you would like to see. Oh, I can't reach into my leggings. Would you mind getting it out for me? Yes?
Oh, dear, that's not.
A pocket watch you're feeling. Oh my goodness, the clock is Striking twelve.
How it ticks?
How it ticks me? Lord?
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends. You've filthy horse, your husband's gone, and you've got books and a bottle of wine to kill. It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip. I'm sure it's memoir. It's Martinis.
Celebrity Poop Club. Read it while it's hot.
Celebrity poop Club. Tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books.
No boys are a loud cleto say it loud and cloud Celebrity book Club. Buzz me in, I brought the queer voe Hellllo best friend, How darphin go merrily, merrily merrily? It goes quite well for me. How does it go for you?
Um?
Well, I've and better. I have seven boils on me face.
I can tell that doesn't look good. Have you tried beef?
Come?
Hey? Really good to see you, really good to see you. Just sorry to all. It's about to get pretty like ce List and like this episode, like.
Se is generous about to deal theater, girl up in here.
Big sweatshirts. This is hades Town, like Laptop stan Ley's Yeah, no before like getting into the book, let's just here we are to I heard office.
I just walked by a guy's desk and he had like a massive bottle of no sugar hazelnut syrup on the desk.
Like coffee mate or syrup.
Like straight up syrup that like Starbucks would have like in the back. Oh my, that I think he's just like pouring into his coffee throughout the day. Well, like to do constant even more.
Because then you're watching yourself use it throughout.
Yeah, this year's supply of hazelnut syrup looks like the bottle is about half spent.
Also speaking of indulgent man.
You guys, we took a journey this week, wild, an absolutely wild journey. I am so glad we read this book.
As we said to each other, I actually do wish like I had more time with it.
I mean I could keep reading this book for like another month and like go back and like do it over again and get even more because like.
And like a fine difference. There's so much.
Every age is so rich.
So full, so rich of history. It's been called one of the best bedside books I think ever written. Oh it's so bad side because you just pick it up and you're like, here we go and you read an entry. Ladies and gentlemen, who can we.
Be talking about one of the most famous diary of all time, right up there with.
And Frank Elizabeth Gilbert.
And honestly way more interesting than a Frank Frankly and you know, much like our last book we read gd it's famous for writing book, which is cool. Although you are he may know him from his work as an admitry in the Royal Navy in London throughout the sixteen sixties and later a member of Parliament from Harwell, Yes.
Queen, you may know him from basically being the voice of the Stuart cabinet and the monarchy coming back into play.
That's right, we're talking now about none of the the baddest of the Stuart Restoration.
Yeah, the horniest naval administer.
I know from seventeenth century England. None O. There, that's Samuel Peeps and his book, The Diary of Samuel Peace. Let's get right into it. So he's kind of like the upper middle class guy who's like a bureaucrat who like lives at the house of his lord and it is still being kind of feudal seventeenth century England is a time of great tumult. In sixteen forty eight, Charles the First is deposed the Interperior call the Interregnum where
Oliver Cromwell Harram becomes the leader of England. They call it the Protectorate, and they're like we're going to be a republic, like we're done with the monarchy. But you know, it's short lived, like many revolutions, it's sort of undone. And in sixteen sixty, after Oliver Cromwell dies, things are in kind of disarray and Charles the Second, who's Charles the first son, who's been in exile in the Netherlands, comes back, and basically that's right when Samuel Peep starts
this diary. He just happens started this darty in sixteen sixty and so he keeps this diary for this decade that is like insanely pivotal in British history, like start of the Stuart Restoration, Great Fire of London, great Plague, great Play, you know, the Dutch War. And then he's also like this secretary who's high in the navy, and so he's kind of like organizing the war.
He's doing so much like war admin and like sending seamen their money and like also going on ships.
And what's cool is that he's like this middle class kind of bureaucrack guy, but he is like, you know, amongst the elite, and so he like knows the king and he's like always that means the people, and like he's seen all of this high society gossip.
Kind of like the Tina Brown. He's literally the Tina but also literally is gossip girl.
But he's also like Forrest Gump, where it's just like you're just at every like major event.
History, NASA man on the moon.
Right, and you're seeing it all happen, but then being like, but I also wanted to fuck my wife's maid, like while it's going down.
Let's talk about we read the modern.
Edition, yeah, and I will say, are you aware that this book is a little ubraged, Yeah, which is that we were literally the sex scenes are like dot dot dotted.
Yeah, And I'm so little like it's very unaware of the sex scenes because I started watching this very like on Roku TV BBC like movie about him, and it starts off with him like fucking a woman while he's in jail through the bars.
I don't remember.
That's exactly, That's what I'm saying. So I was already like I've been in this book, and he is really horny and we're obviously going to get into that, but like he is never like saying like we.
Fucked, okay, talking about the sex thing for one second. So this is when he's having an affair with Deb, his wife's maid.
He's which all it was kind of customary.
Then yeah, and this is when he gets caught on October twenty fifth, sixteen sixty eight. So home, into dinner, and after dinner all the afternoon, got my wife and boy to read to me. When he says boy, he means his like male servant. And at night w Battilia comes and SUPs with us, and after supper to have
my head combed by Deb. So Deb is the maid and she's just like combing his hair after he takes his wig off, which occasions the greatest sorrow to me that I ever knew in this world for my wife coming up suddenly did find me embrace seen the girl dot dot dot. I was at a wonderful loss upon it,
and the girly also, so I looked it up. The actual passage is and then like not like for like ninth greater version, it was she did find me embracing the girl with my main hand in her honey, stop, yeah, see you?
And why honey? Yeah, I think it's fingers. I think it's like four fingers.
I was gonna say three, but you might be right on the four. Also, hands are smaller.
Get out of my history books. Can you also imagine like how dirty his hands must have been. I mean, I guess everything was better than everything was dirty, but it was so like his hands were probably like steeped in beef towel.
Yeah, and everything's covered in soot, and there's just like fires everywhere and coal everywhere and like everything and just like fish and you're just eating sardines with your hands.
Yeah, and he's been like, oh my poor deb did come down with sickness. Okay, I am like now pissed because almost every entry is like I laid in bed with my wife, or he's like being horny for someone else.
Yeah, and you're like it's a lot. But he then he talks a lot about kissing girls, and you're like, just to kiss just a kid, and half the time kissing is like so then I kissed his wife and you're like, hah, so you're just kiss her on the cheek, but then till me He's like, and I did see a woman in the stairwell next to the King's quarters, and I did go ahead and kiss her, thinking that she was a woman of pleasure, and she did kiss me, but we did only but kissing, and for that I
did feel guilty. And he stole back.
Office and he'll be like, if another man is there, and if like the Lord of Sandwich is then he's like and we all kissed merrily, and they're being so Cortison hands doing square dances or whatever and like being so dances. But then he'll be like, I walk down a path, I saw a very attractive woman and I walked back and he's being so like kind of like shy and being so like her bosom was fun.
It's crazy because it's like, so they're like doing straight cruising, like straight cold heterosexual cruising culture is alive and well in sixteen sixties London.
Yeah, he's always like getting like dressed.
He's always getting dressed and like also like.
This this book is half of it is him just being like, Okay, my wife says that lace collars drawn to the back that are silk or in fashion.
So I need to go get her a lace collar and I'm so pissed, and then drop fifty shillings at the exchange. And he's always going to the exchange and be like, ugh, drop more shillines and fucking gloves. But then he's always been like, wait, I just got these new pants and they're so fast.
Yeah, I know. It's like as he's in town, he's like, wait, I got these stunning gloves.
I also love. It's insane to think about. He's always talking about going to the office. No, I know what it's like going to the office.
He's like ex executive, but it is this like fab girl boss kind of way. Yeah, he's like has all of his maids like dresses with but then they're dressing camp. But he usually has a drink before the office.
Oh well, he has his morning draft.
Jarnie draft, which I guess I learned is because like they couldn't really drink the water so that they would all have kind of like light ales. Yes in the morning, right, nobody.
It's so girl busy because then it's like after the office, then you do a full pub crawl. It's like he's not so besotted by the affairs of the state. He's still just like I'm making time for just like conversation and friends like this is literally like one day after work at noon Harry Ethel came to me and went along with mister myloord by coach as far as Hasbury Court, and then we sat him down and went to the clerks, where we came a little too late, but in a closet.
We had a very good dinner by mister Pinky's courtesy, and after the night we had a pretty good singing and one has it sung alone after the old fashion, which was very much cried up, but I did not like it. Thence we went to the Green Dragon on Lambeth Hill, both the mister Pinky Smith Harrison Morris that sang the bass, Shepley and I and now we're saying all sorts of things, and I eventually with good success upon things at first sight. And after that I played
on my flagiola and stayed there till nine o'clock. After that, Shepley Harris said, and myself we went to Westminster on foot and at the Golden Lion near charring Cross, we went in and drank a pint of wine. It's like you're going to one tavern, you're having dinner in a closet, more ale, next tavern, next another wench more Ale, and.
It also shocks me more. I'm like, damn, like carriages really are speeding up here because I'm like, you're actually hitting up a lot of places. I feel like early American history, they're always being like, oh, it took me two days to get to the tavern home, and it's like, I mean, London, it's a city, it's closer, but like he's always like going by boat to like another bar and then like hopping in a carriage to like another lord's house. Then they're catching a play, then he's back home.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's the difference between like more like village frontier suburban life versus like the central core of London.
Like American suburbria started and like and he's being like core city.
Like yeah no, it took like Paul Revere a long time to ride to Lexington on a horse, but he's.
Like literally downtown.
He's like in downtown London and he's taking like a boat like four blocks and.
Then it's like lock boat, which we need to bring back.
I know, and then he's walking three blocks around their house and then like walking back across the bridge. It's kind of like it's all pretty es central.
So let's get into his relationship with his wife. She's French, and they have like kind of like the most just like to this day, like modern but like accurate display of a relationship, like.
It's the most normal relationship ever. It's actually kind of crazy.
Like here's this passage. This is by the way, right before his brother dies. So to the change, and then's home where my wife and I fell out about my not being willing to have her gown laced, but we lay out the same money and more in a plain new one. At this she flounced away in a manner I never saw her, noah, which I could ever endure. So I away to the office, though she had dressed herself to go see my lady sandwich.
She's so she buy.
And buy, Yeah, she buy and buying. A rage follows me and coming to me tells me in a spiteful manner that like a vixen, and with a look full of rancor, that she would go and buy a new one and lace it and make me pay for it and then let me burn it if I would after she had done it. So she went away in a fury, and it's so classic fight where she's mad. But then he's like, I'm mad because you're actually so mad. The way you're mad about this gown is toxic. Yeah, and now I'm mad about that.
It's like the fact that you flounced like that is actually so toxic. And she's like, it's actually insane that you would rather buy your new dress then pay for me to get this dress laced, and he's just being like, lacing is like a waste of funny.
It's also crazy. She actually like, this whole needs so much money because you need to pay every time to get your gown lace, which makes sense. It takes hours.
Yeah, I mean the amount of like up keep goes into clothing. And it's interesting when you think about fast fashion and the czars of today.
Instead of buying another shirt on sheen right, get a gown laced, pay a local woman to lace your gown.
I do think that there's a happy medium, because it does seem to me that the clothes need constant repairs and it's just like the pants are being sewn by one of the house wenches every single day.
But it's also the economy. Those wenches need jobs.
No, that's true. No, you're right, and from like a Kinesian perspective, it makes sense, just like the wench has got to be doing something, you know, if she's not she's not sewing, then she's getting she's saying her deep Yeah.
So I learned a crazy thing about Charles and his wife Catherine, Queen Catherine, who actually the public hated and did little research myself because she was like Portuguese and like was Catholic but converted.
He talks so much about the Portuguese the book. He keeps being like they're so ugly and weird and their town is gross, and like they don't make sense.
Because I was like, what's going on? Because he's being so gossip even though he's always like fighting with his wife. At the end of the day, there's so many like cute paragraphs where he's being like, my wife and I laid in bed and had so much discourse about.
Not yeah, no, they're having discourse about like life, ARTI theater, like it's really.
Beautiful, politics, finance, and then he'll be like the king does not like his wife and for she can bear no children as well.
People hate when a queen can't bear a child. It's really But the thing is people love Charles. He was called the Mary King, and I think there was a huge amount of joy at like the monarchy being restored.
But people were so happy about that, and I think people just didn't get that she literally was just I mean.
Well, but she was sick girl. Remember how she's sick for like she's the queen was possed because she's sick today.
Kay, Yeah, and everyone hates Megan.
It's like her name is also Catherine. That's crazy, yeah, because she is hard sick for like hard six months. And he's carrying on with like two different messages and everyone's talking about and he's being kind of like he's the King's being like a little bit obvious boots about it.
He's no get this. So her best friend was like her maiden, and then he fired her maiden so he could have his mistresses become her maiden, which Samuel Peeps also does. Yeah, they're all being like so sister wife and being like, well, obviously I'm gonna be fucking my wife's maid because it just makes sense, like keep her around.
Yeah, it's just about domestic convenience. And also like if she's on the payroll, then it's I mean, and it is a little bit more like abusive power in this way, but it's also bit more like, you know, fam keep in the family and also pay women what they are owed. Just to continue with the wife for a second, he's always so mad at her for being messy, which is the most normal relationship thing ever. I just like, there's
so many instants in the book. After dinner, my wife went and fetch the little to us, which were very pretty ones. After they were gone, I went up to put my papers in order, and finding my wife's clothes lie carelessly laid up. I was angry with her, which I was troubled for. It's like this is always getting mad and then feeling guilty about getting mad.
And this, by the way, is right after he did buy her a new petticoat. It's like the way I've been in this like fight where I feel like I'll see Maya like buy a new like vintage like Sonia riquel piece, and then I'll see it crumpled into her drawer and I'm like, do you want to respect the clothing?
Or not okay wait when so after like she finds him, like we're saying three or four deep in in the Maid, she makes him fire the maid, which she does with tears in his eyes, and it's like, wow, this is so dramatic and.
You're streaming down.
You can't be our wench anymore.
You can't.
I'm sorry, you must go.
But then like right after he fires her, he like goes and like tries to find her, and then he goes, so, I could not be commanded by my reason, but I must go this very night. And so by coach at being out dark eye to her close by my tailors, he like finds out where she's staying, which is by his taylor's house.
She's like perfect and you get new liggings.
And she comes into the coach to me, and then he writes a mix of French and English as like a weird way of like concealing. He goes, and JA did beze her? I did, nevertheless give her the best counsel I could and beze.
Yeah, what does bezi make cin.
Beze means to kiss, but it also means to fuck, So they fucked. They fucked. He's definitely four deep in the uber like he's down.
And the coaches a clop clop, and he's like, why don't you actually step outside. I'll pay the fare whatever it is. Yeah, and he's like damn, I'm like so sorry I fired you, but like one last tussle in the uber.
No, but you know that he's getting a really bad rating from the driver and.
Then everyone's like, dude, do not drive pep.
He's always getting so much honey juice all over my appols and it's.
Like so much like petticoats are flying and he's like getting under so many layers. And then like there must have been such a business in the lacing and dressing because they're always like fucking and.
Having to be.
Someone's been like pay me five pence and I'll lace up your breches a get.
Know, and you have to like pay all these just like freaky little beggars. You're like throwing Chillians left and right to get relaced after you fucked new job.
I mean, honestly, their Marge was so sexy because he hires a man to teach her how to dance, and he's always hiring people in a very noble way, like to tea.
Because she needs the class, she needs something to do. She's pattering around the fucking house. I can only re upholster the fucking chambers, like so many times a year. We need to teach her to sing.
Teach her to dance. And then he's always shopping, of course, because it's like, I mean, I feel like he's so us in that thing where it's like, Okay, you have an appointment in Soho, you're doing one podcast in Chinatown, and then you're like, well, I'm here, so why don't I sure?
Yeah, literally my change, and she.
Yeah, so of course I'll like go into the glove store. He buys her these globes and he's like, and I assume that he meant like world globes, and he was like, I think she had the mind to learn about them, So I bought her globes and I can't wait to teach her about them. But then with the dancing, he hires a teacher and then it's literally so merry because it's a hot guy.
No, and then he's like, wait, me thinks I should not have hired this guy, and like they're being so talking and one time he comes home and he's like they weren't even dancing. They were just talking. Literally, they were just scur scene. He's like, meddle me, but then he admits it. He's like, but I he's turned on
by it. And he's also just like and I know that I too am a bit naughty and perhaps have elements of dishonesty that perhaps I have not shared, and I shouldn't be so quick of judgment, which is so.
Modern of him, because I feel like, honestly, I feel like it got more conservative in the eighteen hundreds to be more like, well, I'm the man and I can like go rustle about in petticoats. But he's like, no, I get it, Like I'm so naughty with like every lady.
Yeah, of the house. And I do think that this time was also like about like pleasure and like and enjoyment and like there has been so much like back and forth. The Protestant Reformation was like hugely tumultuous throughout Europe and like the Anglician Church of its hard one hundred years before. So when I was kind of this mix above, but like Catholics were being like, Okay, we're getting with the classics. It's like, but people are still doing it. And Charles the san was like more tall.
Boats the way it mirrors today because this is the time of also the plague, and I feel like it was just like they're having their like twenty twenty two when everyone like now became obsessed with like vodka Rigatonian like yes and Martini's and pleasure and just like yes, because it was we all want booths and like excess.
Yes, post pandemic people wanted excess because the plague happens in sixteen sixty five or something like copper through this. But then also you know, after the tumult of the interregnum and then endless wars and.
There, I feel like they wanted the monarchy.
They're like, oh they did. Although there's an interesting passage. So one of the things that's so crazy is he's literally on the boat with the king coming back from the Netherlands. He just happens to be on it.
It's like he's so casual guy about how he's hanging with the king.
Yeah, he's like very chill, deeply chill. So like when the king comes back, there is a lot of excitement and everyone's having all of these like bonfires in the city Great Joy all yesterday at London a night, more bonfires than ever and ringing of bells and drinking of the King's health upon their knees in the streets, which methinks is a little too much. But everybody seems to
be very joyful in this business. He's like, everyone's been a little bit too King Pilled, like, yes, the King is back, but let's all just like calm down.
He's like, we don't need to have bonfires about the king, like I've hung out with him.
And he also says, so they then dig up Oliver Cromwell and put his literal rotting head on a spike in front of Wismondster Abbey and it stays there for twenty years.
No, and he's being like, and I got a message. The limbs are beginning to smell.
It's like so gross and barbarican insane. And he also he's like, I think this is too far, Like we don't, and he says, he's like, you know, I think Oliver Cromwell was a brave guy to like try to lead England into a republic. I got it didn't work out, but do we need to be so oh, King Pill that we're like pulling him out of the ground, Like that's crazy.
Because I feel like the way he sees the king, like he's kind of talking about him like he is like a dope friend, but he's kind of like, yeah, he's also my friend. Like I don't know, he's not doing anything like so amazing, No.
I mean he you know, he cares about order, he cares about civility. He cares about like thinking the lords of running well and like and like when.
He sees, you know, all these seamen begging and he is being like, well, the government actually does oh each of them twenty pounds. Yeah, and he's insulting the government from not paying them. But he's also a little bit like grossed out about like how begging they are.
Well, he's also kind of from a pr perspective, he looks bad, yes, and he realized that he was like, let's not be too like indulgent and excessive because it's gonna give revolution vibes when everyone has like so many debts and they're seeing the king in his court like carry on like so em merrily, right.
And he's like, then they're gonna be so mad at us.
But also when he's on that boat, the part where they're gazing upon other women out the window, very calm again and I pretty well, but my head ached all day. The lieutenant and I lay out of his window with his glass looking at the women that were on board the vessels nearby, being pretty handsome. The level of horniness it requires to be on a ship looking through a spyglass out of window at women on other ships, like they're in full petticoats on the deck of another ship. It's like, what are.
You you know, the sea is so rocket right, and they're all like covered in so much like turkey blood.
Right, that's like turkey blood coated woman in petticoats so far away on the deck of another shipping flock. How well carriage?
She is like, there, aren't like you get so horny in the army because you're just like all in your little bunk.
And being at sea makes anyone horny.
Probably on the boat she was a little more like, heave ho, don't you.
More?
Okay, wait, okay, now it makes more sense, Yeah, okay, all right, carry on.
And he's okay, wait. He also he goes onto the ship. It is also very like navel admin guy that like finally gets to do something and he's being so like, ooh, I get to go on the trip. Yeah, he like writes his a state and writes his will and tells his wife.
Right, your will every time you go on a boat, because you never know.
I'm gonna start doing that. And he tells his wife and he's been like and I was besotted and saddened and she may never see me again. And then he goes on the boat and he's like, I'm so happy to like not be with this hoe and he basically is like, I'm glad I don't have to think about all of her bullshit like on the day today of like if she wants her gowns laced or not.
Okay, wait, so I want to mention that the patches.
Let's get into patches.
So apparently women of the day were wearing patches of fabric on their face. Like little I was.
Shook by that because I was like, I've never seen this in like a you know many of the point.
He was like he was like saying that it was hot, and he was like and like the King's mistress did look very well carriaged and becoming with her three patches, and.
It's like a sign of being like I'm ready to be horny, right, it's flagging again. They're straight cruising doing.
Modern like bandana culture. Yeah, and like one on the middle of the nose meant that you were like in heat like and like it's a little bit like acne patches today that gen Z is just.
Imagining it very be your a but also much more like made of horse hair and like velvet because.
It's basically just like one little piece of velvet that you're licking. It's probably silk, like definitely silk that you put on because it's adhesive just with saliva.
We should go to get some silk patches. He's always like learning about fashions from his wife and like some he's into and some he's not. Yeah, like his wife tell him that like this certain type of like neck covering is really sexy, and he's being like, I hate it, but like my wife likes it, so sure, I feel like it's very how like big pants are in fashion and it's so just like a horny guy being like I don't want you to wear huge pants, but like if it's in.
Fashion, sure, But then like six months later he's like, Okay, actually he's.
Looking Yeah, he is just just has to get accustomed sometimes, like to the styles of the day, and she's being like, no, look like seriously, patches are in, scarfs are in like perry golds are in.
And I need you to relace my gloves and give me the seven shillings for it. And he's like, you dastardly wretch, I'm going to the Dolphin tavern. Okay. This is him just walking on the way to work one day to my lord in the morning where I met with Captain Cuttings, but my lord not being up and went out to Charing Cross to see Major General Harrison hanged drawn and courted, which was done there, he looking as choful ast any man could do in that condition.
He was presently cut down and his head and heart shone to the people, at which there was great shouts of joy. It's just like the casualness of the public executioning. And then like later when he's just like I paid seven shillings so I get a good spot standing up on like a cart to view this other hanging. And it took like three hours to see the hanging.
No, and he's being so public concert about it, being like no, and like I did go to like the cup opening and then heard like someone was performing and like the Killers performed.
It's absolutely barbaric, And it's like on the one hand he is being like, no, we shouldn't have these heads on a spike for like a year in this nasty and like it's unnecessary. But then he's also just like he's a man of the day. Yeah, girl, I'm going in the execution.
Yeah, Like are you It's like, are you going to be execution later?
My girl?
Execution tonight, Queen.
Hung John in quarter tonight, queen.
Okay, here's the only time I found. I don't know if you found, because this book is heavy. That his wife finally accuses him of like cheating too much, like obviously it's a very donats, don't tell, and she knows
what's up, but it's with her chambermaid. And this is on Sunday, Lord's Day, up into my chambers to settle some accounts there and by down comes my wife to me and her nightgown, and we begun calmly that upon having money to lace her gown for second morning, she would promise to wear white locks no more in my sight, which I like a severe fool thinking not enough begun to accept against and made her fly out to very high terms and cry, and in her heat told me
of keeping company with missus Nip, saying that if I would promise never to see her more of whom she had more reason to suspect that I had hat four of Pembleton, she would never wear white locks more. So It's basically like he hates when she wears a wig of white attached locks, and she's like, if you don't fuck missus palmer Bolton anymore, I won't wear white locks. I mean kind of a good deal.
No, I mean this is the politics of marriage in the day.
And he's like it vexed me, but I knew to shut my fat mouth.
Basically, he's just like, I'm getting a free pass here and this is as good as gold.
So like she's just saying no more wigs.
And also the realities he knows he is going to go see this nib again.
Yeah, he's definitely gonna see her. He's just like, I'll just hide it a little bit more and just say yes, I won't.
I love how this book is a diary that goes here by year and day by day, day by day, and you do and like he's constantly just being like, okay, so now I have seven hundred and fifty pounds, but I hope to one day have two thousand pounds, like he is being this girl boss.
Because I think the book starts he has very much more like two hundred pounds.
And then he has fifty seven hundred pounds by the end, which I looked it up. That's one point four million in today's term.
Okay, damn.
So he is like this middle class bier carap but he he's basically rich by the end.
And I guess he takes a lot of bribes, which I was kind of like getting catch during the book because it's like so pounds this, and he's always meeting up at a tavern and somebody giving him stuff.
Because people are always like getting hanged for robberies and like random stuff and like deserting the army. But I guess bribes was like more chill.
I think he's just like probably like at a tavern and like another earl is like you take one hundred pounds, okay, and then you let me go on this boat, and he's probably like taking out his quill and doing something quill life.
I just let when he starts sixteen sixty one. He goes at the end of last in the beginning of this year. I do live in one of the houses belonging to the Navy Office as one of the principal officers. And I've done it for a year and a half after much of with work. Now I'm almost settled, my family being myself, my wife, Jane, will Hugh or Wayneman mccurley's brother also I left.
Who was he says, gurlyes like Gurly is.
Myself in constant good health and in my most handsome and thriving condition. Blessed be Almighty God for it. He's been so like this is my year.
Yeah, my house.
No.
Whenever he ends a year, like after Christmas, like he'll be getting in a fight, and then like he swears off drinking, like which is so dry January.
Every year he's always.
Being like, I woke up sick and the maid who I'm fucking, I had to bring like a bathtub, and so I was vomiting so much, and he's like it was probably from the drink I had tonight. And he's like, I made myself a vow and I need to keep to my vows. But then he'll be like, well, but then I did meet like Earl of like Quaddle two, like at the Lord's Tallow tavern, and like we did have beers. But sometimes he's been like they were actually wasted and like I only had a drink.
No, and he's like being so judgmenttal and then be like, oh but then my head ached the next day. There at that one time he goes to dinner, he's like and I could not believe that I had but not one sip of wine the entire dinner.
No, he's like proud of himself.
But it's like that happens once.
No, it's very I was like, damn relate when you're just being so like, oh yeah, I'm actually good Seltzer.
Thanks at night home and found my wife come home and among other things, she hath got her teeth new done by Laroche and R and D. No'm pretty handsome and I was much pleased with it, so to bed just like.
He's like, damn, your teeth aren't so fucked up anymore.
She got bed. She got these new teeth from roams amazing. She was looking hot. Honestly, she was handsome as fuck.
Okay, so when he like witnesses the great fire, and he is like really sad about it, and he's being like, oh, and like everyone was dying, and he goes. So we were forced to begin to pack up our own goods and prepare for the removal. And did by moonshine carry much of my goods into the garden. And I looked this up and it was just like he was being so fab and like burying all of his fine cheeses during the fire. And he was like, by daylight three hundred houses in London had fallen.
This part's insane, so they'll be at not knowing how to remove his wine, did dig a pit in the garden and laid it in there, And I took the opportunity of laying all the papers of my office that I could not otherwise dispose of. And in the evening so w penn and I did dig another and pour our wine in it, and I my parmesan cheese as well as my wine and some other things. Burying cheese during.
A fire me just like burying your like parmesan and wine.
You know, the fire is absolutely devastating.
He has empathy and he is like, oh, I did go to bed sad yeah, but I'm also bearing it.
Brought him to tears to see all of London a flame. What I thought was also really interesting is he literally tells the King like he's like running to the palace and he's like at Whitehall and he's like, girl, we need to actually take down all these houses because for those of you who don't know, most of the houses were thatched roofs okay that goes out like okay, yat and a fire okay, it's insanely combustible match lit. And so he goes to the King and he's like, girl,
we need to pull these down. And then the King commanded me to go to my Lord Mayor for him and command him to spare no houses, but to pull down before the fire every way tell him. So he was like, you're right, girl, Like he was actually like helping stop the fire and like pad the King's ear.
No, he wasn't being so like I'm just drinking and like writing random papers and letters like he was running about town. He was.
And I have to say, like, one thing I live with this diary is it's so like he has such a curiosity about the world and an interest in people, and it's like there's so much is his.
Interest in people.
There's so much plot. He's always like talking about everyone in the town. Like when I have kept the diary.
It's so funny because I was going to ask you, I wonder not to read anything, but what have your diaries been?
Like I actually kept the diary recently when I was traveling in Europe and and I was being like so girl and like bottomless at the airport obviously like stop doing the trip, but I was being like pretty like I'm a writer and like, you know, doing kind of like.
Be more diddian about it.
I was being more diddian and like as I sit on the train as we cross the border into Hungry and I'm like writing like floor descriptions of like the vegetation, and then like and you can see the crumbling tower blocks of the Soviet regime, and then.
Like, oh, how I sip my espresso Soviet.
And I'm talking about, you know, my own insecurities and my relationship. It's pretty introspective. It's very like giving main character energy. Yeah, and like I'm not being like so talking about every person I meet and like the more plot stuff that happens, unless it's like sexploits, which I do write down.
You're like, well, if other people are having sex with me, I'll write it down, Yes, right. What I loved about this is like, no, I'm sure that diary is amazing public.
But I'm just saying like I'm being like a more like narcissistic, introspective quirdo.
He really is like a diarist of like his time, of.
His times and like all the stuff that's going on. He just has this realless curiosity.
But it is kind of this more sexy British way where it's a mix where he is being introspective still and be like, m my wife is vexed, but it will be mixed with like wrote the paper, put out the roof fire.
Yeah, but it's one sentence of being like I felt bad about yelling at him. I'm like, I would be writing three paragraphs just like. And I do wonder if this dynamic that I find again and again and my relationships comes back to my childhood and you know.
Like and maybe the gloves actually symbolize my father. But at the same time, I will say I feel like his style of diary when they uncovered that in the eighteen hundreds was so new. So I feel like the way you're writing in many most write a diary happens because he did this, Like you see, it's possible not to just be like we cross the Allegheny River.
Yes, because I'm also writing as someone like who has like read one book by Don't and is like writing kind of for an audience in a way, whereas he's not really writing for an audience, like he one day thinks that someone's gonna read his diary, but he doesn't think it's gonna happen in his lifetime.
No, And I feel like I've written diaries, yeah, like in the past of either just like so much like scribble and emotion and it's much more teen diary and angst and.
Lyrics.
Yeah, and they're way more like lyrics mixed in with just like I don't know why she thinks that, and like will I ever be this cool? Like and it's not being like today was September eleventh, yeah, or it's being like Trump hassassinated golf course I bought a coat, yeah, like we should be. I mean I feel like my Twitter is being more that and like Twitter stuff and
they will publish that, and they published little observations. No, I am inspired, and I do want to be more like giving one thing that happened to me, one emotional thing.
And then one like topic event of national importance, and then one of local importance.
Exactly local politics, national politics, shopping culture. I guess that's what the vip unch is.
One thing that struck me is how we've mentioned about how similar his daily life is to our daily lives. Now. He's like going to the office and getting into fights with his wife, goes to a play, goes to a bar, goes home and like has so many is hung over the next day, like anxiety about money, counting this money like and gets up, goes to work, do it all over again. But one thing that struck me is that I feel like we are actually much more isolated in our lives now.
Yeah, because he is like doing this thing where he's much more going to the town and like you're just going into the tavern where it's like, yeah, we may like go to you know, jeans and you're seeing people you run into, but just kind of more of a daily.
And every element of your life than had more people. It's like they have seven winches at home, their middle class family but they have all these servants. People used to have servants styling. Like he's getting his haircut and like shaved, like every week at the barber's, but like he also at one point goes to the barber to get a tie put on, to get a cravat because he's like.
Well again, they need everything tied in the count's lace.
Right.
It's like, what if our lives were so much more social where I was, you know, hiring someone to come over to dress me, yes, which is kind of our modern days being should I wear this?
We have the group chat, thank god. But I do just think we are so even in a city like New York and millions of people, it is so easy to go an entire day without ever having a meaningful interaction with anyone. We go to the gym, we scan our little barcode headphones on. You know, it's like we're not knowing the butcher. Okay, we're throwing it in our car. It's like we use the electric razor at home. We're
not going to the barber I have. I'm not having a mourning draft with my locals and discussing the matters of stage.
Well, I don't know. I feel like coffee mob is so morning draft and I am like running into a guy I see there every day and he's being so like, yeah, I actually like, maybe do want to move back to Cambridge?
But you're not talking about affairs of state with him, and that's the problem.
But I think that's enough to talk about the affairs of state of the culture of Cambridge sometimes, yeah.
A little bit. Okay, you have your college I am. I guess it's like I go to a coffee shop and it's like I say hi to the breest or whatever, and like, I'm not woon girl, give you. It gives me the gen Z heart with the hands thing and.
I anyway, you should hire a houseboy that you beaten like to dress That's what I'm saying. I think you want a dresser.
Six home wenches.
You're like, here's the thing with so much more social with the wenches. Okay, what happened to that?
I just miss all the life or could we have like neighborhood wenches, Like I don't need six bunches in my apartment because it's a railroad. Ultimately, you want.
Them like classic upstairs downstairs. You want them all to be like in like bunk beds in a shared railroad.
One house on the block should be the Wench house. And then like we are.
Six gay guys and it's like a hype house.
It's like a hype house of gay wenches. They each have their own apartment that's like as big as my apartment, but like they're just coming to the other like they're cleaning, and but like I'm seeing them and like I'm fucking one of the wenches. You know what I.
Also love about, Yes, I'm gonna get you a wench for Christmas is the amount of like theater he does see. And I think we've like made theater thing only like women and like gay guys like and it's like, yeah, it's become this like more faggot coded girl thing to do. I mean, I guess like comedy is so like straight guy. But my wife and I to the puppet play in Covenant Garden, which I saw the other day, and indeed
it is very pleasant here among the fiddlers. I first saw Dyl Simer played it on sticks, knocking up the strings and is very pretty. And he's seeing a puppet show for the second time and giving it a review.
Yeah, and now we would not be like uh, I just saw this puppet show last.
Yeah, and he's like, but I will to my wife again.
And I like that. He has like, you know, a critique of everything he sees, and he's always like, well, the acting was bad, the writing was okay, Falstaff was good, but everyone else sucked.
Which we have to get to one of the best lines of all time in the book. And he goes, well, I just saw Midsummer's Night Dream. It was dreadful. It's like you never hear someone in the past actually being like that Shakespeare play sucked. Like all we hear is respect for Shakespeare, I know. And I was like, we actually just talked about like maybe seeing a random production that you're.
Like, it's actually like, like Shakespeare died not that long before, so it's still just being like, yeah, we can talk shit about it. We don't have to have the person who ever lived like some are good.
He's like, yeah, I saw The New Joker. I actually wasn't that into it.
Wait, you remember the part where also woman spits on him by accident. But then he was like, but she was hot, right, but she.
Was attractive and I did enjoy a spit.
Here we go. I went to mister Cruz, and then to the theater where I saw again the lost Lady, which do now Okay, he's ex seen things multiple times which do now please me better than before. And here I sitting behind in a dark place a lady spit backward upon me by mistake not seeing me, but after seeing her to be very pretty lady. I was not troubled at it at all. It's like, you are kinky boot E is kinky boot I guess we should maybe get to the plague quickly. Yeah, it is so Covid.
And all the rich people are going to the country and he talks about all.
These people and fleeing in their coaches, in their coach in the country, and like when it starts, he's like, so the plague is kind of in Amsterdam, and we're a little worried, and we're like, are we quarantining the depth chips? And it's like it's literally verbating the same thing that happened, or we're being like boo, here's a case and there's something going down in Wuhan. Where is that? And then like you're reading these stories or being like it's crazy and everyone's like.
You shows and then you're like Huh, there's one case in Philly, and then yeah, everyone Insley is getting in their coaches and like buying new coaches in out of their country.
Everyone fleet Manhattan, although it's insane, is at some point he says there was seven thousand people a week dying in London, which is more than was ever dying a week in New York City during the height of COVID.
Imagine how crazy that was in London in sixteen sixteen crazy.
And he's talking about just like.
You're walking by and its people with toils.
Like a dye where the smell must have been horrendous, but like, were you so tolerant? You know, yeah, everything smelled bad.
Because it's like everything smelled so bad, but like truly like seven thousand bodies probably like rotting, and then they were burning them and that's more people burning them, and then then they're coming up to you being that give me bread, give me and you'll like stay away.
And then it's like they were like not even having enough room in the cemeteries to bury the bodies, which you could like pay more to be buried in one of the cemeteries.
That's probably what he was taking bribes.
For be like, fine, I'll bury your wife in the cemetery. But he was also being like it is shady that they're saying that they're not going to bury everyone.
Because he does have respect for the dead.
But I do think it's actually quite well of him that he doesn't flee.
I was gonna say he doesn't. He's like, well, and another cabbage went and lady of this goes, and he stays with his wife and they just kind of like hunker down, and he doesn't flee to their He doesn't actually have country house. He's like always like visiting.
Because he is ultimately like so the lord, and he's always like obsessed with his lord, and it's just like, can you like stop sucking your bosses like slash landlord's dick like so much.
Your sub lord. Yeah, it's like he's more obsessed with his lord than he is the king.
Yeah. He thinks his lord is like so smart, so noble, like so respectub me.
Maybe because the king is like further away, so he's like can be more critical. But the Lord, he like really does have to like suck his dick and like go dancing with and like eat musty.
Yeah, and I wonder how much of that is. So it's like if anyone ever did find the diary, it would actually be worse to be talking shit of imagine the Lord than about the King.
Like the Lord would be like you're fired.
Yeah, and then it's like he would literally have nowhere to live.
But he has shit on the Lord here.
So right, because the Lord's having an affair, but also the Lord's like wife is having an affair.
Yeah, because he's always been like, well, then I also kissed the Lady of Sandwich. Yeah, and then he's been like she was my lady of Sandwich. You're my lady of Sandwich. I don't know. They're all like Polly at the end of the day. Wait.
I love this scene where he describes a butterface dined at home and busy again after dinner, and then abroad by water to Westminster Hall, where I walked till the evening and then out. The first time I effa was abroad with Doll Lane to the dog tavern and there drank with her A bad face but good bodied girly.
No, he's a horrible face, good body.
Wait when he says well carriaged, he means like that's what I was thinking.
He means like garage donk. Well it also because the Betty coats are making the be donk even bigger.
There's so much like so how can you tell z it?
Because the way the bustle moves rocking, it's like making everyone looks a lot right, like those are as like being pushed.
Ok, we didn't talk about the thing where.
He kisses the mummy again knk.
He's okay. Ecromeniac all right, he is an ecromaniac. Basically, he's just like in a crypt at Westminster Abbey and there's just like the Queen Catherine of Valois who has been entombed for like two hundred years, and he goes, I had the upper part of her body in my hands, but I did kiss her mouth, reflecting upon it that I did kiss a queen, and that this was my birthday, thirty six years old, that I did first kiss a queen.
Wait, and by the way, he is thirty six and just being like, you know what I've done a lot. Yeah, I've kissed a queen. I have twenty seven hundred pounds saw Shakespeare this year, hated it into boet on seat. I gotta feel like we're at the same place he is, I know, I think.
Because it's like we're not known, but he's not like super famous beyond like just his job, like within his like professional circles, but like.
He's running into people at plays and people are like, oh my god, I just saw your things.
Yeah, and people like, oh my god, you just testified like a parliament or whatever, like that was good.
That was cool, And like you know, they're like inviting him to dinner and we're.
Doing like kookie stuff like you know that we can write home about like.
Literally yeah, and it's like that's the thing. He was writing this, not because he was getting a published. Like right again, our diary may be found in two hundred.
Years, right, So that's why we need to be more. Trump's assassinated today.
Yes, got a sandwich. It was good. Mutton was bad, wife was mad. The segments segment what does she eat? What does she how does she live?
I mean we've discussed a lot about what does she eat?
I think it's it's ale in the morning.
Yeah, because that's the water of the day and you're moving to win so much a lot of fun. He is definitely having like three squares a day because I feel like sometimes he even goes home for lunch from the office, but then it's like also hitting up a tabin for some goose. And then it's like always doing supper. He's never missing supper. Sometimes after he gets home from another supper.
Yeah two, because like maybe he'll do like go to a tavern. It's kind of like apps and he's being a little more like sliders about it.
I do want to I feel like he was classic like thin until he was forty two and then like got a little bit jubby.
To me, this face though, is also so like skinny fat guy. Oh yeah, you know what I mean. Like I feel like he's not eating anything in the morning ale, it's just kind of like puffy.
You don't think he's having some just like the hardest bread you've ever had.
It may be like the hardest bread in the entire world. But sometimes he's running off and he's like, I didn't have time, and then he's like starving.
The bread has been adulterated with chalk.
Chalk bread. He's doing chalk bread. And then like lunch is like marrow goose Mutton, and the night is a little more lobster. Mutton was much lobster, which was interesting because then lobster fell out of fashion.
Because lobster used to be a poor man's food, and then they rebranded it as luxury, which is crazy.
Yeah, and they're like rats of the Sea.
Can't wait till they rebrand Tilapia's luxury in ten years. No more lobster crab.
We're having like talapia mac and cheese.
Right, and it's like road and you see it on the menu and it's like market price.
MP Talaia.
I do you feel like there's that one point where he says he went to someone's estate and like he's on orange for the first time, and I'm like, okay, I feel like they're wanting for citrus over there.
Yeah there was no acid up in there.
Yeah they need it for I'm sure they had like plenty.
Of salt potatoes.
Also britches, gloves, silks, velvet.
Silks, amazing pocket watches. He's a watch guy like Rolex, let's go vintage. And then he does get wigs.
Yeah, there's that point where he's like I had to go to my barbers to pick out all the gnats from my wig and there's all this like I mean, everything's nasty. There's like larvae in your.
Hair when someone's like pulling your wig and it's like disgusting. But yeah, he loves clothes and he loves silks and like.
And so how do they live? I actually think they are very like silk brocades on the wall and like they are little silk couches. And they're doing the house every year because you got to give the wife something to do.
So it's like and I think she's choosing like new gorgeous curtains.
Yeah, and they're doing hugest bed.
And I also think like by the bed, like a few nights a week is like a huge basin full of vomit.
For sure, at least once a week he's vomiting in the basement.
And then there are so many like mirrors because like in dressing.
Rooms they're small mirrors.
And she's like turning side beside being like how does my bustle look?
At one point he does go get his portrait done and he's like, oh, I feel like it's not gonna look like me.
He's being actually so you with like a painting.
With a pain of himself and.
Just back to like drinking. Is it like a copper goblet copper for wine and maybe ten for ale.
I feel like he's way too much of a drunk to like be getting a different glass.
Okay, it's just one coup.
It's kind of grabb and go. Yeah, like or he's so Stanley cup about it, where he's walking around with his big mug all day, like going from tavern to tavern, just like filler.
Up, putting so many like nastiest charms on it.
And like having the little like black patches the coach.
Everyone's putting their big steins in there.
It's jingle jangle, jingle jangle while you're like four fingers deep in a wench. I mean, okay, wait, who.
Are you in the book? I kind of feel like we're both kind of peeps in this way because.
We are both getting into fights with our wives about like them leaving clothes places.
Yeah, but then like I'm being like Maya, like you bought too much stuff in the real real and then I'm going to talent and getting so many new shoes and so many shirts. Yeah, I'm like projecting my shoppaholicism.
Yeah, and like my my wife has always been like what about this, like house in the Catskills and being like with what Monday buys Diesels shirt. So yeah, we're both peeps in this way for sure, but then also we're just like gossip being at court too.
Definitely like Cortissans in the court and like also like maybe like I'm in like a play that he's being like that was bad and I'm being so and I'm just like a beggar.
I honestly give this book five Yeah, literally like five boils out of five coach.
Ubers with Stanley's out of five, Like this is unreal. It's the switch literally like this walk so every diary published diary could rock.
It is one of them, densest every like it takes Bridge, yeah, because every single page has so much in.
It, so much history, but it's so many jokes.
Yeah, and it's just funny. It's hilarious and it's so deep and you get to see history happening. But he like is like we said, it's like he's not this self indulgent bitch with his writing. It's like he's just giving you plot plot plot plot plot.
Here it go bang him out anyway, everyone, Bedside Book. Okay, that's what's perfect is you can just open to an entry and be like, oh, he took the coach to Saint James Theater, like you don't have to like start from beginning to end. Okay, guys, well, tally ho.
Tally, My carriage is here best best. It was dark before I could get home, and I land at churchyard stairs, where, to my great trouble, I met a dead corpse of the plague. The corpse sadly was our producer Darby Masters. May she rest in peace. But I thank god I was not too much disturbed by it.
Well, when I woke up this morning, I actually had a pot of chocolate ready made for my morning draft and I shared it with our supervising producer Abu Zafar. He actually got quite sick from the chocolate, and he didn't die, but he was down with a high high fever for a couple of days and came right back at it. A good glass of ale cured him. Never chocolate again.
I do hope that he can continue on in his marriage with Lord Chancellor's daughter Henrietta. A fine carriage, young girlly she is.
This brigade of celebrity book Club was executive produced by none other then Queen Christina.
Everytt our music was composed by the right Honorable Stephen Phillips Host who for many many years lived in a very very very small cabin, not very well appointed, but was a tremendous talent. Sadly he died of gout and no amount of pigeon could save it.
Actually shocking because he died was only one pence, so how did he get out? He spent all of his money a liver, nail and cheese where which brings me. I had my portrait done the other day by one Sir Teddy Blaz. I actually had to pay him twenty pence and then my wife said, well, what on I have a portrait? And I said, oh, you old wench okay, I'll get you a portrait anyway. He is very fine. Find him in town on corner to Studio five on Cromwell Street.
Our previous arrangement at the Royal Navy was endeavored with one prologue project, so of course we had quite a row of a shillians and we decided to part ways on amicable terms, for which I wish him all the best in his travels to the embassy in Tangier.
Now, if you ought to give us a shilling or two We wouldn't mind because the kingdom is falling. I'll be honest. So do go to Patreon dot com, sash CBC's pardon and you will hear. You'll get more letters from us, these much more well.
Let dot chat very expensive, and we do ask you for your patron is Patreon dot com and silk is up and you can hear more about discourses on many a variety of subject amen