You know, sometimes the way that kids define themselves is interesting to say the least. It's often negative. There's books out there right now that talk about this generation being an anxious generation or a generation with intense mental health challenges. And sometimes it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we see that our kids are looking negatively at themselves or their generation,
what should we do? Is that healthy? Today in the Celebrate Kids podcast, in this daily segment, Facing the Dark, Dr. Kathy is going to look at this. What do we do when our kids are battling this? And how should we speak well and truth and life into their generation? Before we do that, I just want to remind you that these episodes this month have been brought to you by Summit Ministries. Summit Ministries is a fantastic partner for
us here at Celebrate Kids. They do these two-week camps, and my son is getting ready to go on his Summit experience here in a couple of days. One of the dynamics of what he's looking forward to with this is the fact that he gets special time with other teens who are really asking some of the big questions that he's asking.
But it's also a fun time. They go hiking and they do a lot of other things in the downtime that build community, that create shared experiences, not just sitting through classes, taking notes and asking big thoughts of big people that have big ideas and are learned, like Dr. Cathy and John Stonestreet and some of
the other teachers that'll be there. They also get a chance to really be friends and have people that are Christians also in their age group really encourage them, kids that are in high school and college that could really walk with them through this season of life in some really fun and unique ways. If you'd like to check out more on Summit, I encourage you to go to summit.org forward slash Celebrate Kids. That's summit.org forward slash
Celebrate Kids. Use the code Celebrate24 if you want to register for this year for some additional money off your registration fee. Now let's turn to Dr. Kathy Don't be afraid of the dark. Be careful with stars. Not every light is gonna guide you, So, Dr. Cathy, last month there was an hours-long lockdown in a school in Maryland. The students started texting loved ones as they huddled in the lockdown positions during this stressful ordeal.
And there were SWAT team members that they heard in their hallways kind of running through and checking different things. And in all of this, there were text messages that the students sent back and forth to their parents. And now these students are taking these text
messages and putting them on display. so that, as one student said, they can really present the experiences of American teenagers to bring to light the contemporary issues that they're going through as part of this demographic inside of society. The presentation is called The Complex City, and it will be part of next year's Smithsonian Folklife
Festival. This is part of really a growing trend in youth and young adult culture to create presentations on different social pressures that they might be experiencing to sort of break a wall to the outside world so that others can see
in to individuals experiences. The apparent goal of many doing this is really to step beyond the assumptions that many might hold kind of in society and different places in society to get students' voices or other young adult voices heard so that ultimately policymakers, lawmakers can actually understand what is happening
in the lives of people who really aren't of age to vote. So, Dr. Cathy, when we see this as parents, sometimes it's natural to maybe take a defensive stance that these kids are just being, I don't know, bombastic and have really a desire to have some relevance inside of society. So they're trying to carve out a place for them. They need to really earn respect is kind of a natural sense of many parents. You have to earn the right to be heard and to participate in
society. What should our posture be to this movement that's happening right now, where it feels a little bit, I don't know, dystopian, or I don't know if it's like French revolution, where we just need to stand up and rise up and kind of break walls so that other people can see the plight and the challenges and really the perceived oppression that young adults and I've never thought about this before. So this is a brand new idea.
And the first place that my brain goes as I listened to you is that when I was a young child, we had drills in school where we would climb under our desks. But the reason I'm bringing that up is, I don't define my entire childhood by the fact that once a year, we crawled under the desk and tried to fit under there. Or once a semester
we had a fire drill. So here I am reading that these young people are going to be a part of a Smithsonian show, so that we understand the plight of being a teenager today, where once in a 12-year educational cycle, they had SWAT in their school. And I don't wish that on anyone. I hope it didn't happen. More than that, do other people need to know what happened? Yes, I don't disagree with that. I would hope that most people do understand much
about teens. So part of me is concerned that they think that they're so unknown that they would have to put this incident on display. I'm concerned that they might think it is a representation of their teenage years. Let's also display the phenomenal creativity of this generation and the inventions and the entrepreneurship that
we know high school kids have already had. Let's put on display the beautiful musical performances and the arts that's been created and the mathematical genius that has invented a new policy. Let's put on display the 10th graders should go down the hall and help the seventh grade dyslexic kid achieve greater success academically. There's so much that's so good that's going
on with the generation. And so I'm a bit concerned about, well, not a bit, I think I'm very concerned about how limited Yeah, Dr. Cathy, I think it's the nature right now of much in the world that we see ourselves almost as victims of what's happening, and therefore we maybe appeal to somebody further up the rung to acknowledge the reality that we've been victimized or we've had something bad happen to us, and it now is reshaping our view of the world. How
would you say we should respond to that idea? Is there a way to bring youth and young adults maybe out of this place where they feel victimized into a place where they can, you know, stand with and lead with adults? Is that a healthy movement or is there a place for them to be kids and to, you know, develop and grow? And maybe as parents, we just need to relate more
What are some of your thoughts there on that? One of the things we sometimes talk about here at the ministry is our concern for the lack of a multi-generational view of the world, where in our churches we have kids and adults separated by age and even marital status for adults, and it's so fake. In our public and Christian schools, we have 28 seven-year-olds together
all day, and that's never how the life is going to work outside of school. So I'm certainly a believer in multigenerational conversations, even multigenerational groups. I love it when my church works to do that. We have a system at our church where women get together across generations, all the way from our teenagers, all the way up to the 80-year-old, and it's just been phenomenal. They get together once a month for dinner
and fellowship or coffee and fellowship. They teach each other a new game or whatever, but it's been really interesting to hear stories from the 16, 17, 18-year-olds who did not know the older women in our church who have discovered great wisdom. And that's, you know, the authority of the elders. I think it's just so
super that we've been able to kind of express that. And then we've got the older women who aren't as afraid of our teenagers anymore, you know, who have kind of wondered, you know, why do they dress like that or look like that or listen to what they listen to? So it's been really amazing. So I would love Yeah, Dr. Cathy, I think that's really fun. When you think about that, is there a rhythm or even like steps that we should take to practice listening to people who might not
be in our generation or might not be in our kind of natural sphere? How do we listen well to kids or maybe even to other people that aren't like us? Do you have any ideas or thoughts for Yeah, we could talk all day about listening well, right? You know, listen longer and to, you know, a classic response to that, Wayne, would be to listen Listen to understand. Don't listen to judge. don't
listen with preconceived notions, and that's hard. I will often go into a conversation with an assumption, and I have to put that aside, because if I listen with an assumption, I don't hear the truth, and I don't give the person the respect the person is worthy of. So do we listen to understand? We don't listen for judgment. We don't listen for our turn to talk. We listen to understand. We listen to respect. We listen to honor. And I think one of the most important things we do is we listen for
what they don't say. As well as what they do say, like if somebody comes to me and they always talk about relationships, that's telling me that their belonging is their goal. Like that is gold to them. And when, when they don't have healthy belonging, they have nothing. If I have somebody who comes to me and they're always talking about
performance. that I'm learning that their security is in how well they do and they choose to not take risks and they choose to put themselves under authority of people who will already like them so there's no risk. So you can listen to what they don't say that is lacking in their world that you could maybe introduce to them to give them a more abundant life. You can listen for what they are saying that is maybe going to show a real bias
I love that. Dr. Kathy, I think that's really helpful. It's a practice that I need to start incorporating maybe like right after we get done recording here, just that idea of listening well and listening to understand, but also listening in such a way that I acknowledge the things that they're not saying. That's really helpful. You know, Dr. Cathy, though, in some of these relationships, we're going to have kids that, you know, don't participate.
They don't talk. They might be acting out. I would say maybe they don't feel seen or heard. These feelings, I think, really are driven by a perception and that perception really drives the reality and causes them to act in such a way. And so many times when we experience that, we just feel stuck. And it's natural for us then to kind of just throw up our hands and walk out the door and not even try to engage that kid or our kid
in those situations. What should a parent do if they really feel stuck, that their kid is maybe acting out in that way should kind of maybe get attention or affection or love. I don't know if that's what I'm assuming the kids doing it for, but maybe they maybe they're not. Maybe they're just kind of acting out, choosing not to engage or not to talk and and maybe to be short or curt with their answers. What should we do when we feel stuck like
There's nothing wrong with getting help. So we certainly can reach out to a relative, maybe our siblings, maybe our moms or dads, maybe a neighbor, a member of a church life group, somebody, and say, hey, I've noticed this behavior in my oldest daughter, and I can't get through to her. She seems stuck, and I don't know what to do next. There's nothing wrong with that. To get professional help, of course, is totally appropriate. Let's get the issue of
parenting out of the closet. Like it is hard today. So we can go to a coach or a counselor and say, Hey, can you help me here? I think, um, again, I would ask, you know, why are they stuck? Have they been stuck a long time? Why are they presenting now? We believe at celebrate kids that there's always a trigger. Like no one has 24, seven, three 65, anything. I mean, it's very, very rare. Now, if you're clinically depressed, clinically anxious, then there would be a 24-7, 365 reality there.
I would respect that. And yet, in most cases, there are triggers that cause our reactions, which cause our reactions. I would want parents to kind of look back and go, okay, who has my daughter been hanging out with? Who has my daughter been listening to? What has my son been watching? Has my son been alone in his room a lot? What choices has he been making lately that may be contributing to the fact that he is acting out? Or what have I been doing lately? Have
I ignored him? Has the younger child, like I'm potty training my youngest kid and dealing with the picky eater, and so is my 14-year-old feeling ignored? And it's legit. And do I need to have a conversation and say, man, this is a tough season for you, and I'm so sorry that the younger kids are demanding so much of my time. How would you like to help me out with that? Can we do something together this weekend, just you and me? Want to go for a
walk? Donuts do you wanna go to a game and watch your cousin's gonna be in a game, I don't know. And I would say one more thing, Wayne, and that is that sibling rivalry is huge here. Kids act out for attention when they're lonely, when they're angry. And often it is a sibling rivalry relationship that parents aren't aware of. It's as simple as you just affirmed a brother and now they feel less than. And
that's competition and that's judgment. And so when children learn to respect their siblings and when children understand that siblings are unique individuals, therefore parents will treat them differently, then it is a healthier family dynamic. So I would encourage parents to also investigate whether or not there are some relationship dynamics going on
among the siblings that need to be talked about. And if the kids are old enough, you look them in the eye and you say, it's unacceptable that you don't allow me to honor your brother's good work and you expect me to honor you when in fact, There was really in that moment of time, nothing necessarily significant to draw you to my attention. It doesn't mean that I like you or love you less. It doesn't
mean that I don't think you're capable. But in that moment, you should have been able to handle the fact that your brother had done really good work that I needed to acknowledge. As Dr. Kathy was talking today, it reminded me of an obscure passage a little bit that I want to bring to light here. It comes out of Genesis chapter 3, and I'm going to begin reading at verse 17. To Adam he said, because you listened to your wife and ate
from the fruit of the tree about which I commanded you, you must not eat. now cursed is the ground because of you and through painful toil you're going to eat from it all the days of your life it will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat plants from the field by the sweat of your brow you will eat the food until you return to the ground since from it you were taken for to dust you are to dust you will return This is a weird passage for us to bring up right now, but the
thing that struck me a little bit about what Dr. Cathy was talking about is how we need to listen, and really listen longer, really listen to understand. I wonder what the course of history would be like. Had Adam not just listened to his wife to appease, but maybe listen to understand. I mean, they had walked with God in really powerful ways and had really a unique relationship with who God is and the whole Godhead
and spending time with Him. And here Eve brings something up to Adam, and Adam doesn't listen to understand. Adam just listens. goes forward with it. I wonder if as parents, when our kids bring up concerns that they have, or sadness that they're experiencing, or what they really feel like their generation is known for, if we listened to understand and then responded with truth to say, that's not who you've been created to be, or God has created this opportunity for something so much
more, what do you think God is doing here? And to listen to have them really explain where their heart is, not that their heart's in a good place, but that we understand that their heart is in a place that might, well, really does need a bright light to shine and cut through some of the darkness of their thinking right now. I hope that's an encouragement for you, and really I hope this whole podcast is an
encouragement to you. And I want to remind you that this podcast is brought to you by Summit Ministries, a really fantastic partner for us. You can go to summit.org forward slash celebrate kids to learn more about what Summit offers, not only with their summer programs, but also their gap year programs, their adult sessions as well, and some of the other things that they do at Summit, which is, you know, providing curriculum and worldview training for families that might not
be able to make it out to a summer session. You can do that by going to summit.org forward slash celebrate kids and use the code celebrate 24 at checkout. I want to thank you for listening to this daily episode of the Celebrate Kids podcast, what we call Facing the Dark. On behalf of Dr. Kathy Cooke, my name is Wayne Stender. Thanks for listening,