Do they recognize that they're loyal and confident in their relationships and that they don't give up quickly when somebody acts badly toward them? Have you ever told them those things? Our words change I don't know about you, but today is one of those days where I just get excited for what my kids are experiencing, the life that they're living, the things they're learning, the sports they're playing. It just feels like a really sweet and
fun time in their life. But I know that that's not necessarily true in every aspect of their life, especially as they think about the different stresses of being the best and being the most productive. I think that can actually weigh down not only on adults, but also on teens to be the best person that they can be all the time. And sometimes that might drive them to really dark places. And for parents, it can drive us to dark places. Do we just teach our kids to be hyperproductive and
maybe even to make that a God of theirs? Today in the Celebrate Kids podcast, in this daily segment, Facing the Dark, Dr. Kathy's going to look at this. How can we walk through life with our kids to help them build their identity in Christ and not their identity in being really good at a lot of things? So Don't be afraid of the dark. Be careful with
stars. Not every light is gonna guide you, So Dr. Cathy, researchers from the Harvard Graduate School of Education Center for Digital Thriving are exploring some of the unknowns this generation's experiencing as they're the most experimented on generation in terms of technology and drugs and different progressive ideas. They're aiming to detail the pressures specifically that teens face and understand the role of screen-based technology and what that might play in
their development and their identity formation. They find that while teens point to ways that screen time can amplify distress, it may also help them in some cases kind of cope with it. The researchers surveyed 1,500 teens in the fall of 2023. They asked about six areas in their lives that are potentially sources of negative pressure, things like academics, social relationships, and the like. The focus groups of the teens who had not completed the survey later
helped interpret the different results that they found from the survey. The findings reveal that young people are indeed feeling squeezed. About 81 percent of respondents struggled in one of the six domains, while more than half felt negative pressures in three or more. This provided a detailed picture of how teens experience the so-called grind culture. which is really described as the sense of always needing to be productive, to be thriving and striving for other things in different areas
of life, even at the expense of health. One in four of the teenagers surveyed reported struggling with burnout, a state that's common among adults in high-pressure jobs. One focus group participant shared a comment from her older brother, who said that he feels, quote, like a train who's burned off every ounce of fuel that's left but still hasn't reached the station, end quote. You know, Dr. Cathy, I can kind of see
this a little bit in my own kids, to be honest. I think that they are generally well adjusted and are doing well themselves, but they watch different things like YouTube videos, about different small business startups and how to be more productive with their day. And I think the culture kind of naturally pushes them
towards progress. Things like school and sports and all those other things are really at their fingertips, telling them that they should be the most excellent and strive to be the top 10% or 1% in their category. Knowing this, how could we as parents encourage our kids, really in this cultural moment, knowing that so much of the world right now just I would hope that we would stand up against that tidal wave and that we would let our children know that that's not what we expect
of them. They're children. They need to have playtime and rest time and friend time. And yes, school time and chore time and service time and outdoor playtime, et cetera, et cetera. I would pray and hope that we would not be communicating in any way that we expect 100% effort and excellence in everything. To know that teenagers are already feeling burned out is really concerning to me. What does that mean for their future? Will they just want to escape from life?
And is this part of the dropout rate? The dropout rate from our schools in America is absolutely frightening. The dropout rate from college is so high. It's just unbelievable. And is that, again, because they've already spent so much of their energy And now they don't have anything left. It's like this kid who said, I'm like a train who's burned off every ounce of fuel, but
I still haven't reached the station. What a frightening statement. So what I would hope that we would... embrace them in their imperfections, that we would not expect them to engage in everything. And I think parents who are invested and parents who are involved are gonna know the difference between a kid who is curious and encouraged about the possibilities for their tomorrows and a kid who feels there's a necessity to prove themselves for
I like that, Dr. Cathy. And I would say that's generally true. I think that there's always like as people say things about your family, you kind of say, well, that's not 100% all the time. But I think that there's good benchmarks that we need to look at that. Yeah, we don't judge ourselves necessarily always by the goal. You end up judging yourself by the progress that you're making towards the goal, right? And you talk about this a little bit when
you talk about kind of this word balance. You use it oftentimes, especially in the podcast, where you talk about really weighing good things in tandem. And I think you kind of say it, and I'm kind of interpreting this, so that good things don't become ruling things. So you have to choose a good thing of having bedtime with a good thing of working hard and being resilient in your schoolwork. There's good things kind of that we have to weigh in tandem and understand that
there's a time and a place to choose one or the other. What would be some key points that you would highlight to parents as they guide their children or maybe even more me to guide my kids to mature and grow, to actually launch from our homes with confidence that they can choose the right good thing at Oh, that's so good. It's hard, right? So do our children know who they are and why they are who they are? Do they know how they're smart? What's the evidence? Do they know that they're
a joy to be around? What's the evidence? Do they know that they worship with great integrity and truth because you've observed it and you've affirmed that in them? Do they recognize that they're loyal and confident in their relationships and that they don't give up quickly when somebody acts badly toward them? Have you ever told them those things? Our words change their lives. I like to say, and I think it's true, that they become
who we tell them they are. which is why, oh my goodness, we have to be so careful of our tongue and of the words that we say, and certainly even the tone of voice that we use. I think knowing them and helping them know who they are will give them such freedom. I would want to raise children to have freedom to discover who they are and to be that. You know, I've met so many young people, Wayne, who feel like failures because they couldn't be the accountant that their dad needed them to be so
they could take over the family business. I have talked to those young men and women who are successful, but don't feel successful because they didn't fit their dad's expectation. It's almost always the dad that I hear about. And we should have high expectations that are realistic for our children, but we don't raise mini-me's. Right? They're created in God's image, not ours. And they need to be able to
discover who they are. And also Wayne, as you and I have talked about quite often, I would want children to have peace and joy and gratitude for so much and contentment. I can't tell you how many people question my contentment. They'll say, Kathy, is it real? Come on. Aren't you just like pretending? No, to God be the glory. I am content. And that's what allows me to take risks. That's what allows me to speak up. It allows me to have that confidence
Yeah, Dr. Cathy, I love that. And it kind of makes me remember or think through some of the things that you've written about in Screens and Teens, where you really give some important guidance to parents kind of in that. I think Screens and Teens really does also guide parents inside of this topic of being people that are mindful of the different ways that techniques or technologies do guide us or shape our understanding of reality and how we engage
with reality. Noting that, what would you pull from your book to give perspective maybe on these findings that we have from Harvard? Is there certain guidance that you kind of Interesting question. I haven't thought about it in light of this idea that the, but these children, they say that they're experiencing so many negative pressures. And some of that negative pressure is even technology where there are children and teenagers who don't want to be on it as much as they feel they have to
be on it in order to please their peer group. They are fearful of being left out and not being in the know. And so maybe they're on it more than they want. Or I think what's happening for a lot of our young people, including young adults, is that they're on technology so much that they're missing out on other parts of life. You know, they can't take dance
lessons. They can't be the scorekeeper for the school volleyball team. They can't serve at their grandparents' nursing home because, oh my goodness, they'd have to be off of their tech. So I think those would be things I would say in the book would be, you know, know who you are and honor that with the way that you spend your money, time and resources. And I wrote in the book about good
use of tech. There's good uses of tech. You could find out, for instance, a more efficient way to serve at the nursing home. Maybe you've been asked to volunteer in a certain way and you figured out that it's very ineffective, this task that they want you to do. And you go online and you do some searching and you find a great YouTube video and you find a new way to serve and you change the culture in that dining room because of something that you've thought of.
I think that's a realistic example that is a possibility. Another thing that I mention in the book quite often is that we can use tech together. A family can sit down and over one screen they can find the campsite they want to use on their spring break. the whole family could look over a YouTube video to learn a better method for making this bread that everybody else is making, you know, that even your seven-year-old daughter, your seven-year-old
son wants to help with. So using technology together so that it binds the family together and allows you to have a conversation together, I think would be a very important thing that might decrease some of the burnout and some of the stress that the kids are feeling. You know, I really appreciated Dr. Cathy's conversation today. There's a passage that it reminded me of out of Exodus chapter
three. I'll begin reading in verse 11. But Moses said to God, who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt? And God said, I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you. When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain. This passage is the recounting of Moses' life. Moses was a man who experienced deep stress, especially when God called him to lead Israel out of Egypt. In
Exodus 3 and 4, Moses really doubts himself. He doubts his speaking ability and God's choice in calling him. He's overwhelmed, really questioning who am I that I should go before Pharaoh. But God doesn't just reassure Moses by saying that Moses is strong on his own. He reminds Moses of who he is, of who God is. God says, I will be with you. Moses' stress came from believing that he
had to accomplish something beyond his ability. His identity wasn't in being capable, but in being chosen and equipped by God. When he surrendered his insecurities and trusted God's presence, Moses became the leader that God designed
him to be. And I wonder if that's a really great framework for us as parents, that when our kids feel stressed because they doubt their abilities, whether that's in school or sports or friendships or different life choices, that we remind them that their worth isn't in their own strength, but in God's presence in their lives. We can say things like, God
doesn't ask you to be perfect, he asks you to trust him. So, like Moses, our kids don't have to have all the answers and maybe even us as parents don't have to have all the answers. We just need to know that God does and we can follow the lead because he's placed us here, as Dr. Cathy says, on purpose, with a purpose, for a purpose. He will be with us in every challenge that we face. And I think that that's the bright light that shines and cuts through
the darkness, especially with this topic. I hope that's an encouragement to you, and I hope this podcast is a big encouragement to you. I want to thank you for listening to the Celebrate Kids podcast, this daily segment, Facing the Dark. On behalf of Dr. Kathy Cook, my name is Wayne Stender. We're so glad you're listening, and we're looking forward to