More Questions, More Answers

Hey everybody, it's me, Katie azureus and welcome back to infinite Quest. Before we get started this week, we just wanted to let you know that originally we had intended to have this week's episode be about Kink and ADHD but basically I'm really sick right now and Eric's computer is broken. And between those two facts we decided that we just really weren't up to having like a freak. Death conversation about that

kind of serious stuff. So instead we decided to do another question and answer session, we got some amazing questions this week. So we're super, super excited about them. But if you came for the Kink episode, that will be next week instead. So just wanted to let you know that going in. Also I'm editing the podcast, do by myself this week and I have no idea what I'm doing so, um, I'm sorry if it's bad II, think maybe it'll be okay, but I don't know.

I We've never used a software before my entire life and I'm really scared. So, also we have a patreon. If you're interested in supporting us, it's patreon.com slash infinite Quest. We have a red bubble shop and I think that I forget what I'm supposed to say because I'm so nervous about editing this episode. All right, so I guess it's time to start the show. So, here we go. The ability to like really edit the podcast this week suits, you have to sing the intro song.

I go missing. I also this song. Yeah. Because I don't I don't I there's no possible way for me to get those files so you're going to have to sing it. All right. It goes a little. Something like this. A little something like this. We're only in it. Two separate cats, but subjects, but but but but typical Capital purposes. Jingle jingle, jingle jingle jingle people. It was it honestly I'm I'm impressed by how accurate that was. Like, I didn't expect that level of accuracy.

Also is it weird that? I like if you if you ask me like right now like sing the theme song, I couldn't do it. I can't, I couldn't. I couldn't make that happen. That's not a thing that I could do. I think that's very strange. Well, II mean I've listened to that thing like thousands of times.

Its Simplicity, the only Like the theme song in my head, sounds like the amnesty theme song from The Adventure Zone, which if you would get off your ass and fucking finish balance, you can you could know the amnesty because the amnesty is the best theme song that they've ever had. And I will die on this hill. But in my head, I don't know

why. But whenever anybody like, oh, singing the theme song I just start it's just the MC theme song in my head is to completely it's two different styles of music. It's two different songs, it's who completely different things, but in my head I'm like, yeah our theme so I was the am To see things as well. How does, how does the energy theme song? Because those are known in an earner burn earned. And unearned, did Lu doo doo doo? It's really good, but it sounds like it's a real.

Oh, that's Sounds like until it paints. I feel that paints a vivid picture of cryptozoology and in the in the in the back woods of West Virginia in a really compelling way which is exactly what our podcast is about. Hi everybody. Welcome to infinite Quest this week, we're going to be for Bigfoot. We should we should have like make we should make a podcast. Do you want to make a podcast about Bigfoot? Just saying he doesn't exist. I mean, I do have a doctor on

cryptozoology. So That's true. Well, so this week we're going to do an episode about Kink which even plugging but because of the non-computer thing and the fact that we're too and I'm sick, I'm so sorry, 500 miles away. And Katy's pretty sick. Also we're she got it. Covered test tomorrow. Everybody don't freak out. Yeah, I'm okay. I just have a lot to do another inspection.

So anyway we're going to instead of a king episode because they're easier to do with minimal editing whatever is and from long distance. So without further Ado we have a question. Number one, Katie you have the actual names of the people, who asked you want to read? I do. Yeah, I'll do that. And then also, I'm also Set a timer because we're setting a timer. We're so good for us last time. So it did bring to do that. You want to do, like, seven

minutes. Because we have a couple more questions than we normally do. Yeah, I think that's great. Lightning around it. Okay, so cargo culture wants to know. How do you train yourself? Not to start a million hobbies searching for that hidden dopamine inside each of them. So It's just that I've not brought my a game today. Our code. So sorry, that's okay. I feel terrible. Let me do. Katie, I will straight up. Do a solo podcast if you want today.

What do you want to talk about? What are you going to talk about? Organ solo by yourself. The fucking questions. How about I ask you the question? I bet EHD podcast. It's the now, it's not and then I answer them. How about I ask? I'm fine with that Katie. It's totally, I just lie. I'm just I'm just, you know, when you're like trying. To get in the zone. But the zone is moving because you're on cold medication. Yeah, Katie I can I can take a lot of weight here.

I promise, I'm not sick, I'm medicated. I took a walk like took a walk but we can you can lean on me. I was listening but then I decided about it. Okay, all right car who culture wants to know, how do you train yourself? Not to start a million hobbies searching for that hidden dopamine inside each of them. I'm going to set a timer for like what do you think? Six minutes seven minutes. Let's do it. Well let's do six minutes. We gotta go. We gotta remember good amount of questions here.

All right you ready? You can veto the timer if we have to. Okay? Yeah, sure. Go. Oh god well, so I just want to say that currently. My hands are covered in paint and wood stain and sawdust because I have, and those are from three separate Hobbies. Oh, and and paper pulp now that I think of it because I just started making recycled paper. So that's a fun new hobby. But so I guess I would say that I'm qualified to answer this question but ultimately I think don't don't stop yourself from

starting a million hobbies. I don't see why you would the only exception being they can. Get really expensive. So I think like if you're not spending a horrible amount of money on these Hobbies, then why wouldn't you? It's fun and plus then you're like, you're familiar with stuff if you're ever like you know at a party or something and somebody's like yeah I had a paper making phase. You can be like oh my God I to also had a paper maker case as

well and that's really fun. So there's like if it's not super expensive than then don't the other thing being if you have a roommate or like a partner that you live with having the mess be everywhere is that can also be a serious.

Tremont. So I'd say try to have like a default storage situation for your hobbies, like, have like a little shoebox that has all your paper making stuff in it or a little toolbox that has all your little modely' stuff in it, or whatever your hobby is, just have a way of storing it.

That's, that's like easy. So you can get yourself to do it and so that your stuff isn't everywhere because I think those are, the two big things that having a lot of hobbies, like, can actually cause that aren't good. Is Spending a lot of money and having them be mess everywhere. So I think if you're not spending a lot of money and you're not making your roommate /, partner /, whatever go crazy by having mess everywhere. Then why wouldn't you dude go for it? Like make have a bunch of

hobbies? I think like, yeah, I mean, I think that the two don't like the well, the three downfalls are one money because every time you switch Hobbies, there's like that moment where it's like, now I have to go to the craft store and buy a printing, press. Or something, you know? And then there's the mess obviously.

But I think the third thing is time though, to being cognizant of like, oh yeah, you know, it is it, as much as I would love to know that I'm going to have time to try every single Hobby and master every single hobby. Some Hobbies take a lot longer to master than others. Like that's the other thing is, like, I love Lego. Like I love building Lego, but I love Lego because it's like, you open the box, you've read the

instructions. You do this thing, And then and then it's finished and you have like an R2 D2 or a baby odor, whatever you know what I mean? Whereas stuff like playing the guitar or learning, the violin can be a lot more nebulous because you could do that every day for the rest of your life and still never be a master, you could never be perfect at it, you know. So so I think thinking about what you want to get out of your hobbies, like what what the

purposes are you wanting? Explore creativity. Are you wanting to make something? Are you wanting something that like, passes the time because like reading a book is, is absolutely a hobby. You know, book reading books is a hobby but writing books is a very different type of hobby than reading them. So I think really sitting down and taking the time to unpack, what you're trying to get out of your leisure time and your spare time and your creative time. I think that's really important.

As well. Yeah, that's that's a good point. I think it's rarely happened to me, but it has happened to me in the case of bookbinding, I think it was where the hobby Decay source of frustration rather than relaxation. Yeah. And so I think. Yeah. That's like a secret secret bonus thing to think about that. You know, sometimes Hobbies is can become frustrating and whatnot and and it's okay to quit them. Like I think I hear a lot from people.

They feel bad when they put it, when they put aside hobbies and never come back to them and I think that's totally okay like it's a voluntary thing that you're doing to enrich your life and if it's no longer enriching your life, then fine and if you didn't drop, you know, 10 bajillion dollars on it, then it's no big deal. If you you know suddenly don't use those tools anymore. What's your what's your favorite hobby that you ever started? Oh coffee stirrer modeling, for

sure. Yeah, no question. I mean it's definitely I wish there was a way for people to understand how good you are at it. Like I really it's true though. It's true. Like, you tell me, you make models out of coffee. Stirrers and I was like, okay, nerd, like whatever. And then the first time I saw them like I was like, Oh no! You're a fucking artist who uses coffee, stirrers as as his medium, like it's not This building like you but like you're so good at it. Eric, you're so good at it.

Well thanks. I mean, please do keep going. But I think what's interesting about coffee, sir remodeling is well, a number of things, I could just go on forever, but there's no book on it. There's no correct way to do it. There's no, we have to solve us know, like yourself. Exactly. You have to come up with methods

yourself. And for that reason, like, there are methods that, like, literally only, I know, because I invented them, because why the fuck, would anybody ever invent a way of planking a ship with coffee stirrer? You know, I don't know. So there's that. At, but there's also a structural part of it and a creative part of it. So there's like, all this sort of just raw structural architecture of stuff, is, how do I make these materials behave in this way?

Such to serve this function. But then once you get there, then there's this whole creative aspect of it. It's like, okay, once this thing work structurally, what then can I do with it? So I think that one is the best one. I've come up with had a lot of staying power. We're probably at a time, but now I got to know about you yours. Oh man, I was asked you. What your, what your worst. Close the hobby that you hated the most like, you were like, nope. This is not, not at.

This is not for me. We're like, I started. And I mean, it was like, nope. Yeah. Because my, my fastest turnaround from starting a hobby to quitting a hobby was, when I decided I was going to play soccer, I needed soccer. I hated soccer more than I have.

And I'm like, I like I pretend to be not as sporty as I actually am because I think like, it helps me Me with the fact that I'm usually like too depressed to like go outside and exercise some like I'm not good at sports, I'm like I'm actually pretty good at sports but like, I was not good at soccer, I was terrible at soccer. I hated it. I hated it so much. It was like, it was like, that was the one that's like the one. I remember, like, I will never never again. No, no.

How long did you let? Were you doing it? Like in school and you signed up. I was saying and then you peaced out. Yeah. My mom, my parents made me stay in it for like two months because I begged I begged and begged and begged to please let me play soccer. I was like please please please. And so they went out and bought me like the shin guards in the shoes and like all the stupid shit that you need and then I immediately like day one. I was like, fuck this this is awful.

This is the word. I hate this I hate this so much. Was it about soccer that? Made you like just by, I think it was, it was two things. It was the fact that it was a lot of running and I was very I was very out of shape little kid because I mostly stayed inside and read all day, so that was the first thing. But the second thing was like I didn't understand how the game was played like the same way because like I, you know, I'm very good at softball.

I'm a very good softball player. I'm also pretty decent at volleyball and weirdly very skilled at badminton. Nobody. Nobody needs to be talented. Badminton, but I'm fucking great at badminton but soccer was like, you know, if softball and badminton aren't like sprinting soccer, is long, long endurance running, and I'm not built for

like, endurance running. I'm doing I'm built for like, I got to get to second base, haul ass like and so, yeah, I think I was just like, I was Not physically suited for it. And I also didn't understand it well enough to care, and so, yeah, that's why I hate soccer. If you place ourselves. Okay, not here to judge you. I was, I was, I was about to make a similar disclaimer because I think mine my like, worst relationship with the hobby, like that aside from

music, which is just far. More complicated is skateboarding. Like I love skateboarding. I think it's amazing. It's Fascinating it's like awesome to watch. It's like there's all the

science involved. It has like a whole culture around it of like supporting people in a lot of, you know, I'm sure they're jackasses you skate, but a lot of people are like, they'll be like these shredding killer fucking skateboard is at the park, but then they'll be like a kid who's like 10, who's like struggling to just ride and they'll like be like, they'll support that kid and teach them everything they know and everything. So it's like wonderful in every

way. But when I actually skate, It's a lot of endurance. You'd be surprised at how exhausting it is to push constantly. And if you're all, you know, if you're ollieing, if you're jumping on a skateboard, it's it's just like jumping up and down like 30 times in a row and I am just dreadfully out of shape. And so I could only ever skate for like a couple minutes at a time, which is not long enough to like, get a really good practice session in such to get

better. And so, it was a weird mixture of, like, I love skateboarding. I still love skateboarding. I think it's fascinating, but I'm just so frustrated. Was my inability to get good at it. So, it's weird. Like, I think that's leave it to two, former gifted and talented kids to be, like I wasn't good at it and so I hate it now. Okay, stop skateboarding. Was my brother's thing. I never skateboarded because my brother skateboard and so I was like that was his thing.

So I was like, I couldn't skate board because otherwise it was copying him, so that's fine. Okay, next question. Progressive organizer wants to know reading this creative. And now this question doesn't make any sense. They want to know, how do I help my ADHD partner? Get organized. So, our house isn't always a giant mess, but like, I'm picturing Like Bernie Sanders organizing. His sock drawer rate. Like, are like AOC hanging up her her?

Her clothes. Crazy Progressive organizer Progressive. Yeah, so skating, what are ways that you can? For your ADHD partner and getting organized. So that your house isn't always a giant mess. I have an answer. Can I go first? You don't ask me. Yeah, of course. Okay thanks buddy. This is going to sound mean. It's going to sound mean but it's not me. This is true. Is one of the best things that I ever learned about organizing or

or mass or cleaning or whatever. Is that you Have to remember that mess means something different to everybody. And I think the most important and most powerful and most useful thing that you can do, if you are struggling with your partner, or anybody in regards to like, mess is talk about what defines a mess, what is a mess? What is a mess to you? What is a mess to them? And how can you meet in the middle? That is my number one piece of advice, because I get this question.

All the time. I don't know about you, but I get this question all the time. Like, my ADHD partner is a mess. How do I help them? And I go, well, is it a mess or does their system look different than your system? And I think that's really important to remember because like, right now, my office is a mess. It is is a dirty boy in here. It is a dirty dirty boy. But even when it's what I would consider clean it.

L cluttered it's still got toys and Legos and and Rich, Victorian Widow of robes, all over it. So I think that's like a really important thing is sitting down together and communicating openly and honestly, about what your needs are in terms of like cleanliness, and organizing and figuring out where you Matt should wear. You don't match. Yeah, absolutely.

I think we touched on this a bit in the relationships episode but once you have that common understanding and you reach an agreement on what a mess is and what clean means and all that you can then identify gaps in your methods or procedures such to support each other. So for example, Katie like I know you you're fine doing dishes but you hate putting away silverware. Hey, it's the worst thing, it's the worst thing. It's the worst part.

It's so but all I saw, I saw Tick-Tock the other day of a, somebody was like, what's something that you didn't realize you didn't have to do, until you were an adult. And this woman, just like grabbed she took the silverware out of her. Her her watching wished, her dishwasher and just like drop them in a drawer. It didn't even, it didn't have like a little organizers in it. It didn't have any, I would like that. Drop them in 100%. How I would love my life.

If I wasn't married to Chris Chris can't handle it. Chris can't handle the silverware being all mixed together in the drawer. But like, that was like, that was like a bone of contention. In in our marriage for months because like I would I would do that. I would just throw everything in the dirt like fuck it.

And Chris was like I can't I can't and so we came to a compromise in the compromise that we came for is like we have the little organizer but he puts the like most the time, he will put the forks in the spoons in the little slots because like it's just it's too much for me. It's too much for my brain and it's so stupid. It's like multiple degrees but putting the forks away. Nah fuck that shit. So dumb. Well, I think that's beautiful.

I think that's a wonderful example like coming together, like to reach a common goal. Like how are we gonna get the dishes? Put away and identifying like where you can support each other, I think that's awesome because like, you know, I don't mind putting them away.

So if we're ever together and I see you unloading the dishwasher, I will like secretly, I'll try to like every time you step away from it, like grab a couple and put them away because I don't want you to like feel bad that I'm doing it, but I also want to do it for you. So it's your so Oh sweet. I'm great. You are really great. This is like, just every question. I'm just going to end by giving you a compliment.

I've decided I'm super into it. Oh, you're it's thank you for being a lovely enough person that I will do anything for that is really cool. Doing it for myself. I know that's why we work so well together because we just

take care of each other. Yeah, I mean I think okay so so defining this, I think that's the first thing and then also like, Making sure that you understand the sustainability of their systems, like I was, I was talking about this today, like, my mom came to visit one time and she decided apropos of nothing that she didn't like how my kitchen cabinets were organized, because it didn't make sense in her head.

And so my mom took everything out of my cabinets and reorganized it in a way that she liked it. And that was one of the biggest fights that I've ever gotten into with my mom. Because I was like, you don't understand what you just did. Like you thought you were being nice. She thought she was being kind, but she destroyed months of systems that I had put into place because she didn't like it didn't make sense in her head and I was like, it doesn't have to make sense to you.

It's not your house. And so I think that is really important is, if you're helping an ADHD person, get organized is important that you fundamentally understand why things are the way that they are and how things are the way that they are. And, and Not trying to change them because it makes more sense to you to do something a certain way. Oh absolutely. I think it always comes back to

communication. I mean, I know that's such a trite thing to say or that's the word, but it absolutely is like whenever I get a new roommate and we're having that initial discussion, it's always, you always kind of want to go oh, it's fine. Don't worry. I'm not like super whatever about dishes or anything, it's fine, I'm sure it'll be fine, which may well be true, but I think it's, I always try to say like, so, how many days in the sink is too many days? That because for me I'm like

three days. It's fine. That's fine. That is fine. But like do some people if it's there for more than like six hours, that's like no bueno. And so even though you might think you're saying to somebody like we're on the stand page because we both agree that dishes shouldn't be in the same.

What too long is is very different and so I think yeah having those those difficult conversations that might even seem unnecessary at the time, but to try to make sure that you're you're identifying In clear terms. And once you have figure out ways that you can support each other, in a way that is hold on his word. What's the word? What's the word Equitable? Yeah. Well and their cousin to the next question that I wanted to ask Max.

Mae wants to know, do you have any tips regarding safety? My partner has ADHD and often leaves doors unlocked or leaves out stuff, the dog could get into and I worry all the time. And I think that's that's a that's a Sure. But different enough question but I like it because I think it kind of ties into the same thing. Yeah, I think so. I am like in, you know, I have a roommate but I don't have a partner that lives like I don't live with a partner. But for me, myself, I do that,

too. I'll like forgetting to lock doors or leaving like, you know, a lick. They'll be a dirty knife on the, on the counter and I'll just go, you dirty dish and I'll put it in the sink. And that's very dangerous. Don't do that, he sat, by the way, because then you reach into the sink and you slice your hand over. So little things like that, I absolutely do. I'm more like leaving a burner on, I've left like a burner on overnight.

Did you freezer your you were muttering something like you were about to say something, super profound. Like come closer. No, I'm sorry. I was like, I was, I've said I'm so sick that I'm trying not to like cough into the microphone and it's just like, it's really hard to keep muting and unmuting myself. I'm sorry, I didn't know my mother. No, it's not. Awful, I'm so sorry. It's okay. Um, but I think this is one of those situations where there is no like big trick.

There's no like oh, you know, but have a phone charger on both sides of your bed. So that way when you flip over, you can still charge your phone, which by the way, changed my life. It's one of those things where you just have to through however, you can Just go. Okay. Did I leave the burner on? So like if you just cook food and you're like you just made your plate a Nachos or whatever and you're leaving the kitchen and you're like like a little Goblin with a sack of gold.

Going over to sit on the on the couch and watch Sherlock and just round on your nachos. Like when you do that, have a little ding in your head that goes like wait, scan the kitchen like burners off. Yes sink off. Yes, you know, whatever, like, assemble a procedure that you just become eventually become second nature, you'll have to do it manually for a little while. But as you strengthen those neural Pathways it eventually just becomes second issue.

Like for me when I leave the house so that one make sure the door is will do make sure my forgetting my keys. I always hesitate before I shut the door. So like I'll never just grab the handle and shut it.

I like grab the handle and before it closes, just stop for a second and like, check check Mike, he's due to the handle, make sure it's locked and closed it and that felt really weird to start doing, but now I just don't even think I do it every Single time and I'm on like a I think I locked myself out of the house like two days ago but before then it had been a very long time so that and so I suppose making sorry go ahead. Well no please I just talk for very long time.

I mean I was just going to say like it's also really interesting because we're living in the Modern Age baby and for be specific issues. Like there's also and I hate it because it's such a traits taste like steak. But like there is an app for that if it's like a, oh my gosh, like my partner, consistently leaves the door unlocked or oh, my partner, consistently locks themselves out of the apartment

or whatever electronic locks. Like they're literally locks that you can get where you download a little app and you can unlock and lock them from your phone. Even if you're not there, like people using for, like, Airbnb is and stuff all the time and I realized it's like spending money. So it's just like, oh, let me privilege like Mom spend more money. Money to solve your problems but I think sometimes like there are

there are our problems. We're investing in a solution that allows you to support your partner and to solve the problem. I think sometimes like that can that can honestly be worth it. You know, like there's there's a couple of things that I have around the house that AR that way that are just things that I bought because I was like, this

is a problem. This is a problem that we're having And this item or this object or whatever will at, you know, the cost of X dollars solve the problem for all eternity. And I think like, that's really important to remember is that sometimes, like, if your partner is really struggling, if your partner is really trying and making the effort but it's still, you know, they're still locking themselves out or whatever like electronic box or

something like that. Like that can be like literally life-changing and it, and it and it's a pretty simple fix to a Ongoing issue. I don't know if that was good advice, because I just saw like throw money at it, but let me

know. I think it's great advice to me is one of those things where if you can't afford it, then I think it's absolutely worth it. Yeah, there's also, um, is it attendant that has like there's like a little tile above, you put above the door or something and when you walk out, your phone knows that you're leaving that room and says like, hey did you bhupathi Shmoop? You know, and then you go. Yeah, I did phone. Thanks. Yes. That is that doesn't end.

Which I just would like to remind you. They're gonna, we're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna talk to us. Eric, we're gonna, we're gonna have all this crap. I forgot we stood you. Sent that email? I forgot about that. I just want, you know, that, that wasn't an ad. I was looking really thought I really don't know. Speaking. I was like, Eric like they're, they're they're going to talk to us about talking about their stuff. So you just can't for one for free. How are you game for free?

That was $400. I didn't. I've totally forgot that we something like well, no I mean I think about that like because I like I invent that idea in my head, all the The time I'll be like oh there should be like a little proximal proximity thing and I'm like, oh wait that totally already exists a whole thing.

But yeah, I mean I think I think sometimes like they're there are solutions that you can find that are less about like fundamentally having to reprogram who you are as a human being and more about like if it's like a safety thing I think especially like safety. Like safety is something where it's like. So serious. Where it's like if you leave your door unlocked like

something. Very Could happen. And so it's like I understand the importance of trying to change the behavior but like there's also I don't know I don't know if that was a good answer. Not anyway, moving on, nothing else. Joe. Oh well I've one more thing and that's this is inspiration comes from my parents might my dad has ADHD is this is simple. But effective sticky notes. Sticky notes like just signs everywhere like ever since I was a kid there has been like a little like 5 years old.

I am Member, there's always been a sticky note on the front door of my childhood house. That just said keys and it was right at my dad's. Like I level just had keys and that's how we didn't forget his keys. He hooks to, of course, but you can set things like that everywhere like on your refrigerator door or something like that. That just says like to make

burners off question mark. You know, that kind of thing or like can, you know, is food on the counters question mark, but but, uh, to remind them to do that, so simple, yet effective. Yeah. We have a note on our door that says, only little bitches, love leave the door unlocked because I always leave the door unlocked and so I put a note on it to remind me and I made it funny and silly. All right, next question. Brina, Marina wants to know,

where do you get your glasses? Well, Brina, Marina, my my glasses are from Z will who are in fact, a sponsor of infinite Quest. And for this month, if you use code, kto, you get ten percent off your order. My green ones are called Album glasses, you can check them out on Z little.com that see ELO all.com. I snuck in a commercial break. Eric, you're welcome, which is that count, does it have to be a certain length because we all I could Riff on your Glide, love your glasses, dude.

I really do like, I absolutely do. Yeah, ever since will, because one of the first things I think was right after we spoke for the first time I noticed that you clipped your microphone to them which is apparently like iconic kto Soros energy. Well I guess I've always admired you. Boss is because I also need glasses and I'm just I don't know what looks good on my face

acid shopping here. Yeah. As long as we go to Zeal rule that's that's as long as that's the case and we'll use use that, that sweet sweet promo code. Kto. Katie of ten percent off your order at Z little.com. Alright? Also do that, not just to save as type of 10%, but it lets lets them know that we sent you and that that people are going.

Yes, that's the most important thing is because I trolled them into sponsoring me. So if you use the discount gonna at least make some know that like some people actually took them seriously. Hey everybody. Congratulations, you did it. You made it to the middle of the episode. I'm really proud of you.

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with your order. They're setting you free stuff. If you use the discount code, that's bananas honey. Playbox where sexual Wellness meets play, they asked me to do that part and I got really nervous but I think I did Okay, so do I go back to the show transition? Okay, this is a really interesting question and so I'm going to give us a couple extra minutes on the clock to for it. I'm very interested to see what your response to this question.

Will be you ready? Okay, I'm not going to say the person's name and I will become clear why? I think my friend might have ADHD they are showing many many of the symptoms and I think it'd be a good idea for them to talk to their doctor. How do I get started having that conversation? Whoa. Whoa, isn't that good question? Yeah well wow. So I'm thinking about this in real time because that was not

on the list. Katie, I was, but that's good because very far off list at this point I'm sorry I was gonna say Eric, I went broke off the jump. All right. So also because I gather my questions live like because I'm using the Q&A on Tick-Tock. So ideally I started off this podcast with I think I had like 98 questions and by the end of it like right now, I have 109 because people are sending them in live time. So I just keep getting more Question.

Wow, that's cool. Oh, we could we could even like tell people when we're recording and then they could they could send us in. Yes. I bet I'd be cool. Well, do you have thoughts that you want to start? Because I could like, yeah. Do you want to start with that one? Because I could say like what my thought process is but like I don't know. I'm not really. I've some might. Well would you like to go first?

Is our yeah I'm like I'm honestly really conflicted like that's one of the reasons why I wanted to see what your response is going to be because like I see it, I see it, two different ways and I'm going to Use like a very personal anecdote. But my sister struggles with depression, and my sister was like, very obviously, struggling with depression like very, very obviously. And I remember there was like this one point where she had come to visit, and she was in my

car. And she was, she was talking to me about stuff and just the stuff that she was saying, in the way that she was saying it. I was like, so, when are you going to go to therapy for depression like when like you are This I forgot to start the timer, but I basically looked at her and I said, like, what the way that you were talking about this? The way we were discussing this like this, you need to get some help.

Like you need help and she's kind of taken aback by that and like we kind of got into a little bit of a fight about it but I think that she needed, she had be, she had gotten so used to the experience that she was having as being status quo. Whoa, that I think that there she didn't have the cognizance to be like, oh, and I can do something about this, like, I

can get help. And so, it took an external conversation that that came from, somebody that cared about her very much to be like, hey, friend, like I think you need help, but at the same time, like, I have been intervention and four separate times that come to mind immediately about like my depression and my eating disorder. And all four of those times. Like I was like, yeah, I know.

Thanks, you know, and so like I think it's it's something where it. I think my answer is like, I think if you wanted to talk to in this specific circumstance of like, I think my friend has ADHD. Should I talk to them about it? I think maybe a better way to do that. Not that you're wrong to have

that impulse. Pulse but maybe a better way or a more strategically advantageous way of beginning that conversation are having those conversations would come from a place of like, hey, I've noticed that you're struggling with XYZ thing. Are you okay? Can I support you rather than being like? I think I've diagnosed you with this mental illness.

I think maybe is, is the direction that I would, I would go with it. You know, because I think it's important people know that there's help available.

I think there's there's like in my sister's case, like I really was like I really think that it's time that you, you talk to somebody professional about this and she was she was at a place where she was ready to hear that and she was willing to hear that but I've been in that same place and not been ready and willing to hear it. So your results May Vary I guess. Is my answer Wow, that was the Ramones really good answered Haiti.

Was it? Because I feel like if I feel like it wasn't a good answer at all. No I think it's a good answer. I think my so yeah I'm conflicted to because well I guess my first question would be is there Behavior clearly something that they're struggling with and not addressing or is it something that you that is affecting you negatively?

That's real that's a real because Certainly if somebody else's behavior is affecting, you negatively, you have the right to approach them about that behavior. What how much needs to negatively affect your behavior? Such as to Warrant an intervention is up to you. I would say substantially because people have the right to behave. The way they want to behave

within reason, of course. So if there are like harming you physically, like then, of course like you know, like my dad, for example, talks with his hands because he has ADHD hyperactive type in. So he's poor motor control and He's a very good Storyteller and he would flails his arms around. Still does flails arms around when you tell stories and he would hit people, and it's like which in.

So my mama don't like it talk and be like, hey, it's okay that you do that but we need to talk about your your awareness of your your surroundings and you do that. But if it's just like a little Annoying that their ADHD symptoms causes them to, I don't know, talk for a little longer than you would prefer then I would say that you it's that's you don't have the right to make them question their their sanity

about that. So I think at that would be, it's an interesting making that call would be very difficult. However, if it's affecting them negatively, if they, it has become clear that they are struggling because of their, in

this case, a DHD symptoms. And they might not know something that you do, then I absolutely understand that you might feel compelled to bring Up with them and in that case, I think trying to make it as non accusation or as possible don't say you're behaving wrong, therefore you need to get this checked out or anything like that.

And especially don't say, you have ADHD or even say you might have ADHD because frankly unless you're a doctor, then you're not really qualified to say So I think but I think what you said is Katie is is spot on and saying that I've noticed you've been having you've been struggling with this. You voiced your concern about this and I think also it's

important that they have vote. They have verbally Express, their their struggles with it because if they don't verbally say it, if they don't say confirmed that they struggle with it, that it bothers them, then You might be planting something in them that wasn't already there. Like hey I've noticed that you interrupt people a lot, you know. And you're speaking to them about that from the standpoint of you assume they're concerned about it will but maybe they weren't and now they are.

So I think being very delicate about that we're assuming that they're not working on it, that's the other two. Yeah. You know, like because I think that's something like that. Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you there but like the video that I posted about anecdotal communication. They were like so many people who were like, oh yeah.

Like I'm really self-conscious about this and like, it's something that I'm working on. And so I think that's the other thing to keep in mind too is like, you know, if your friend is, is, you know, living their life, and they, there are, there are things that are issues or whatever, like that's very different than being worried about them as a person, you know. Yeah. And like, they might be going to therapy twice a week to work on it. They might be On, you know, ADHD

medication or whatever already. So like, if you don't know, the whole story, like my inkling as to like, maybe don't because I feel like it could just cause a lot more hurt feelings, but I don't, I don't know if that's the right advice. Like I really don't know if I'm giving the right answer in this moment. Yeah, I think Honestly me neither. I think me personally, I would generally lean towards not intervening, which is not say that which is not to say that intervening is wrong.

I think there are certainly cases in which in which it isn't if you're worried for their safety or the safety of others, but I think the evidence would have to be pretty overwhelming to cause me personally to feel that I have the right or the moral imperative to intervene. But I think the big questions to ask in that Relation R, who is being harmed by this and how

much are they being harmed? Because if the answer is, who's being harmed me and how much not very much, much don't say like, that's you don't have, that would be unjust. You just basically mean to them at that point, but if the answer is, it's harming me and quite a bit or it's harming them quite a bit then perhaps, but that's a A really interesting question and I want to be really careful that I'm not advocating for any

specific behavior. I'm not advocating that one should or shouldn't intervene because it's such a case-by-case thing. Yeah I think it's and it's very contextual person. Absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, I guess that would be my answer would be. Who is it?

Harming much is it harming them and really consider what the best way to communicate with this person would be perhaps the person really Science and you can say, like, you know, there's a lot of really interesting research about this thing that you voiced your struggles with, you know, and then we'll just show them the door. For example is people generally don't like being told what to do, you know? Yeah. Um so yeah be delicate. Always come from a place of love and concern.

Don't come from an accusation or place in really think hard on on whether or not that's what you want to do because it's a big deal to come up. Is somebody and say, hey, I think you're mentally ill, I mean that's a big thing to do. Yeah, I have no idea. I'd like I was I was really interested in that question, but I'm realizing that like now, I'm like really cautious about giving advice on it because like, it's just it's that's it's so case-by-case.

Like I feel like, that's one of the reasons why I didn't answer it over on Tick-Tock because I was like, that's more than a 60-second conversation, totally. It's it's really it's it's a really weird thing because if somebody's leg is broken, Then it's pretty clear. Yeah, you know you don't have to convince them that their leg is broken. You don't have to convince them that your leg is broke. Their leg is broken, or what they should do about it.

Well and they can't like concealed it from you and they can't deny them. But mental, mental illness is somebody might not want to believe that they have a certain mental illness and and even if they are willing to believe that they have it, they do want to fucking hear it from somebody else. You know that's just an immensely delicate situation. Yeah. Great doing another question. Sure, my phone is I have 20% and I and I can't charge it with my kin. All right. Do I have?

What oh I said do you have questions? Oh um that I want. I would like to bring up. You mean from people that have sent me questions or just me down because I have a million questions. You could ask me one question right now. What would it be? Oh gosh. Katie. Let's let's save that for the Kink episode next week. Great. Can we like, can we actually commit to it being next? Let's commit to next week. Well, will you know if all of our testing comes out, there are covid.

Testing comes out, good. Then we'll be in the same place next week and we can we can do that. Thanks Bank of America. I know, right? Jesus. What a couple you if you don't. Well, well, well go for it, go for it. Yeah, let's do it. So, I'm not going to use their name again for the same reason, but with anecdotal communication. My friend has ADHD. How do I approach telling her? I don't feel seen. When she only talks about herself, Well, I love it.

I love these questions because I feel like I'm like, Delilah now. I feel like we've turned into Delilah a little bit. People are just like Katie Derek. Like like Delilah help. Is that a that's not a reference to the Plain White T's song is that it was like a It's like a Q&A Show's been on the radio for like years and years and years. Like people call it and they like ask your questions about like, relationships and stuff and she's always like what she gives. Like really like, good advice.

Usually comes down to. Like, have you tried talking to them about it, which is about what I'm about to say. Delilah, what's a radio? And can I get one in a shack? Yes, you can. I think they're called Best Buys. Okay. Gotcha. It's also, do you say Best Buy or Best Buy or Best Buy? That's how do you best by emphasize the best? You don't go Best Buy. No Katie. No, I don't. You know why? Because, because because I'm a, I'm a reasonably sane human being with a bright future.

My dad used to say Best Buy and it would drive me insane. He's like we got its best by beard. That's by hi Best Buy, that's fine, that's fine. Okay, it's one way to stop is lighting. Okay, get so what you're saying Best Buy, you're referencing the by that the by By is because the buys the best, it was the best by. It's not Best Buy. It's the my guests by because I've reduced it down to one single noun and that's and Best Buy. That's like, it's the name of a store.

It's not, it's not, it's not a noun with an adjective, you know? It's like it's like the this like PetSmart, is it pet? Is it a Mart of pets like, ' or is it PetSmart wear it? Because it's like pet and the For shopping their pets. Mart or is that smart? No, no. Because like what? We'll, so if it was, if it was possessive pets, apostrophe s March, then it would be like this Mark here. This is for pets. They just can't. They don't have thumbs and they can't talk.

So you gotta buy their stuff for them. But if it's pet pet smart, that would imply that pet is a verb, not just meaning to like caress. But yeah, it like you, if you're gonna pet, you got a pet smart, dog, get a PetSmart. That's what I always thought. I always thought it was fun a little more Charming. It's true. Do it. This is this is not matter but

fucking Dan my friend. Dan had never seen the arrow on the FedEx truck before and I've like pointed it out as a joke and it like changed his life and I feel really bad because like this is like last week I was like yeah, you know the arrow on

the FedEx truck. He's like what well does he know that the the arrow beneath Amazon Points from the a to the Z because if they have everything from a to z, I've, I thought it was looks like a little smile because of the, because of the Amazon smile program. Oh, that's all right. Not that. That's I hop. Well, they, they don't, they

both have snow. Amazon smile has like the thing where you sign up and then it's like you get money like a little bit of money goes to the charity of your choice whenever you buy something on Amazon. Oh you don't know about this. Yes I don't smile. It's super kind of mad where it's like hey Jeff. Why don't you with your staggering wealth? Just give a give the A fucking money anyways. Yeah, papa Bezos gives a little bit back if you sign up for the smile program.

Well, you know what? Every time I buy, every time I buy something on Amazon, a like a 10/10 goes to my community theater back home, and in the quantities. That's nice. Yeah. What was he doing? Anecdotal evidence. This person was saying that they're Franco, right? Okay. Boy, there was any big girlfriend has ADHD and my friend. I always see how can I approach I don't feel seen when they only

talk about themselves. Well I think 80 my answer is carefully and with great tact I would say that too. Well I would also point out that like I like that's something that I think a lot about anecdotal communication for one anecdotal, communication is when somebody's telling something that happened to them and the way that you relate to them is by saying something similar that happened to you. Which I want to be clear, is okay. Yeah that is a perfectly fine way to You too Kate.

It is when it is taken dramatically into the excess that it becomes a problem. Yeah. Because there's like, there's a way that like a narcissist would do that and be like, oh, that reminds me of the time I was in Prague, you know. Like it's I think it's clear when somebody's doing it for like a self-serving, arrogant purpose. And I also think it's clear when somebody's doing it because that's how they relate to people. But so that.

But I would say, yeah, I would say carefully went in with great tax and Like an advice to like the person with ADHD. In this situation, I've always found because I'm really insecure about when I do that to my anecdote were communication. This is literally how we communicate is the first week of our knowing each other was, I would say, did I ever tell you about the time? And then you would say no. But did I ever tell you about the time?

And then we would just go back. We didn't ask each other a single question. I because I started paying attention because I thought it was so funny because we were both so excited. Excited to like get to know each other and share like our lives and our experiences with each other. So there is never like a moment of like and how did that make you feel?

It was like, oh my God I had a shitty place to and like that's okay because like we I think since we both communicate that way, it wasn't a problem of like well Eric always tells me stories when I'm trying to tell him my story. So like I don't feel seen, I was like oh he fucking gets it.

He gets like my brain and how I talk but the thing to keep in mind and thing To remember is that not everybody is like us, we just got lucky in that we tend to I think really see eye-to-eye and how we communicate and so like that's where the Trouble Comes is when you have somebody who really does need the questions and who really does need to feel like you are listening to them, not prepping your next anecdote, that that style of communication can get really hurtful?

Yeah, totally absolutely. I think, like, advice for the person in a situation with ADHD, who communicates anecdotally, something that can really help make that other person feel seen is after you tell your anecdote end it with a question that gives it back to them. So end it with would you know something like is that sort of a simple? Is that a similar experience to with what you're having? Or did you argue having this problem that I just had as well?

So A sort of serve it back to them because to an anecdotal Communicator, that telling an anecdote prompts them to just go. Oh well, here's an anecdote of my own like, what we do but to a person who isn't it? May seem to them that you just stole the conversation and then just left them with nothing at the end of it. And so, I think one shortening, the story. Like, don't make it a whole thing, but it sort of. Oh, yeah, that happened to me. Once there was this guy was such

a dick. What up, what up, what did you do? You know? So Shorten the story and then serve it back to them. At the end is really some sort of, sort of a mixture of the two Styles. So you can still communicate in a way, that's effective to you. But you're also translating it in a way that makes them feel seen and passes it back to them, so that they can continue, you know, doing their thing.

So yeah, I think, you know, again, communication is always the most important thing and sometimes communication requires translation. Yes correct. Yes. Sweet as your phone battery doing Eric. It's real close. It's like I'm worried. It's going to go before we can do the outro so we might want to, we might want to do what I want to wrap it up a little bow. Do you want to say, do you want to do want to do one more question, or you want to wrap it up here? We say, oh, I see.

Let me see. Let me see, let me see. Okay, you can also like screen off. It's okay. Oh well, yeah, if you have another question. Let's let's let's do it. Let's let's go. Let's go for it. I'm down. I've got one more. Oh God. Now I have to pick one perfect question, and I'm just going to take as long as possible to do. It doesn't have to be a perfect question. Katie the probably a lot of these are like Kink questions and so I'm going to save them for next week.

Well, I got one about body doubling, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, somebody asked can watching TV or listening to a podcast serve the same function, or is that a type of body doubling? And for those who might not know, body doubling is, when you have another person physically present, while you're doing a task, that you might not enjoy like cleaning or doing your taxes or something to sort of calm, your brain and in some ways keep you accountable to keep going.

There's also I think I've read some interesting psychological stuff. That I barely understand if at all about why humans tend to perform better when they're with company. But so basically that's what bodily doubling is in this person is asking if TVs and podcasts is sort of the same type deal.

I have an interesting perspective on it because of tick-tock because one thing that I found out is that people constantly use my Tick, Tock lives as like bodily body doubling and so like they'll use My live feeds to like clean their kitchen or whatever, which I think is really interesting.

I also know that like a lot of time like I think but I think that it's different because I think there's a difference between something that is non interactive like watching TV or having a podcast on and interacting with somebody. Whether they be there in person or like virtually like on a tick tock live or like when we do our Zoom clean, clean buddy, cleans, you know, I think those are I think it's different. I think like TV and podcasts like a lot of a lot of people

with ADHD. Tell me that they do that. They'll like have TV on in background or a podcast on. Well they're getting stuff done and I think it's because it's it's um I think it just provides stimulation. Like I think it's just another thing for you to focus on so you're not like to solely focus on like how shitty and boring it is to clean your room but I don't I don't think that there's the same amount of like interaction that counts for Felix specifically body doubling.

Yeah, I would agree. I think I'd agree. I think because I think they can often serve similar functions and that they help you get a thing done. Whereas I think with body doubling for me, I think there's an element of accountability to it. Like if I quit halfway through, you know if we're doing our cleaning parties and I quit halfway through you'll know and you know I don't think you'll yell at me but I'll know that, you know, and it's sort of that incentive.

Sighs me like, no, I want to I'll keep going. It also helps me with task engagement. Like so with a podcast, like I always listen to podcasts and I do dishes and clean and stuff, but that podcast is just there whenever, so, it doesn't help me engage with a task. Whereas, if you and I say, oh, hey, let's clean the thing now, and you clean the office while I clean my room or something like

that. That's like, that's a, that's a duration that's occurring now, you know, so it's not put off a bowl so it helps me engage, but the task. So I would ultimately say, I don't think it's a type of body doubling, but I do think it is another tool that helps that can help an ADHD person. Do a task without losing their mind because it's so boring. And I have a suggestion about

that though. One of the things that I learned was like there are certain types of and I think there's like there's been like a lot of studies done on this and I don't know any of the science behind it, but there's been a lot of studies done on like music that will like maximize your productivity in terms of stuff like that. And like classical music is really good for like certain

types of things. Rock music is good for certain types of things so like if you're struggling with a task while you're listening to something or like in the background consider not just completely giving up on it but changing the genre because like that's the thing is like I can't clean if I'm listening to classical music because I my brain just So listen to the music and it and it won't focus hard enough to clean. But if I put on some like, you know, trash pop like Kesha or something.

Then I'm like yes, let's dance. And we're going to clean it. It's going to be awesome. And so, like learning that about myself, like that was really interesting that like different genres of music helped me in different ways and I think that's really cool. Yeah, totally. Yeah, with me cleaning death metal like really brutal. Death metal keeps me going hard because it's impossible.

Isabel to do something slowly and lazily when there's just blast beats happening behind you, rings of Saturn is a great band. I've been listening to lately, just if there's any metal heads in the audience or people who are thinking about it and they're not the most accessible so you might but well Kitty for Dethklok so mermaid, her mermaid. I just I really like Dethklok like a non ironically like I really do enjoy as clucking I think it's They're serving funny shit.

Yeah. Hey, do you want to do want to not do be doing the podcast anymore because you want, my phone is, is yelling at me to that it's doing, it's doing the whole be due to your, dude, you're gonna kill me so I think you probably should. All right. Well, everybody, that's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for stopping on by and listen to us, talk about stuff next week. Casey and I will be in studio

together. We're going to be doing an episode on. Kink, which we've been looking forward to for a really long time. So if you have any questions on that, feel free to email us at infinite Quest podcast at gmail.com, we have a patreon. If you want to help support our mission of mental health,

awareness and advocacy. It's patreon.com slash infinite Quest. We also have a red bubble shop, it's red bubble.com, people / infinite Quest or if you just search in proquest on red bubble, it'll come up. You can get some cool merch. We got new ADHD and D merch. We have the Villa Fionna smack. We're Haven Loft map, which is came out. Really cool. So yeah, that's yeah. Any other any other housekeeping stuff that? I totally just forgot.

No, I was just really like, usually the interstitials take me like a solid, 45 minutes to get, right? And you just like, busted it out and like live. I was just really impressed. Well, that's the think what I'm recording. An interstitial like at my computer that would have taken 50 tries. Like I can never get it out but I'm just doing it like here. I don't know. It's weird. Weird. I got to figure out what that is. That's right. Well, you did a great job. But yeah, so we'll be back next

week. It'll be a more standardized episode, but we're gonna, we're gonna edit this as best we can, and you'll be hearing it, I guess, tomorrow of well, today today, you're hearing it whenever you're listening to it because space and time doesn't count on podcasts. So, yeah, thanks so much for listening and I know we say this every time, but we just want to let you all know that we are so grateful that you are part of the infinite Quest community.

It is an honor and a privilege to get to do this every single week and we have been so overwhelmed with just your support and your kindness and just the enthusiasm of this community for what we are doing. So, thank you. Thank you all so much and we'll see you next week. Be kind to yourself. Hey everybody. Before you go, we've got a few new patrons who have joined the infinite Quest, family. And so, we just wanted to give a huge shout-out to the following folks.

Thank you to Kitty Brianna. Caleb, Ashley, Never Too Late to sing and Elizabeth. We are so appreciative of your support. We are so grateful for your believing in infinite Quest. And if you would like to join the infinite Quest family, you can head on over to patreon.com and finished Quest. That's all for this week. So one more time from all of us that have been a quest, be kind to yourself This. I can remember that. We love you. Okay, bye. I can remember that. We love you. Okay, bye.