ADHD & School Part One- Our Backstories

Hey everybody, it's me. Katie asaurus and welcome back to infinite Quest this week on infinite Quest. We are talking school and ADHD specifically Eric and eyes experience with school. Just you know we recorded this episode of Live on a twitch stream and the response that we got from the chat just as we were recording, made us realize that we're going to need to do a series on this. So this week's episode is more about Eric and eyes own individual. Personal experiences with

school. What school was like for us. And I will be honest. And let you know, this is kind of a vulnerable episode and I do cry at the end. So just just, you know, know that going into things before we get into the episode itself, I want to let you know that the announcements here at the top of the show. Might get a little long, but that's because I have quite a

bit to update. You on first, we want to say thank you so much for supporting us and supporting infinite Quest. I know that I say it every single week, but it is because I mean, it every single week, We would not be here if it weren't for all of you and we are so, so thankful and so, so grateful for the support of this community. Last week, infinite Quest, hit the top 100 podcast in America

for mental health. And we are floored and honored and absolutely overwhelmed with what that means for us. And what that means for infinite Quest. What it means is that we are finding an audience who sees the value and importance and the necessity in what we do in spreading education and advocacy. Casilla about ADHD and depression and mental illness

and that is a profound gift. We are so lucky to be where we are, however, 99.3 percent of our audience across Tick-Tock and twitch and YouTube and here on the podcast listens and Views and enjoys our content for absolutely free.

And I know that it sucks to have to listen to me, say, hey, we have a patreon every single week, but the fact of the matter is, is that Eric and I both lost our jobs during the Endemic and right now, especially on the verge of Eric's move, things are not exactly what we would call financially soluble right now. Supporting us on patreon.com infinite Quest or subscribing to either myself or Eric or both over on the twitch or

subscribing to my only fans. Quite frankly is a really great way that you can help support the mission of infinite quest for just a couple of bucks a month. You know, that's super annoying Trope, where they go through. Just the price of a cup of coffee, you can save an orphaned puppy dolphin or whatever. Eric. And I actually sat down and we ran the numbers.

And if just one in three of our listeners, donated a dollar a month over on the patreon, we would have more than enough to not only finance, Eric's move but make this soluble make this viable and quite frankly be able to bring you so much more education and so much more content. We also want to stress that I know for a lot of our listeners having a few extra bucks a month, is sometimes a luxury that you just don't have and quite frankly, right. Now we find ourselves in that same boat.

That's why we just want to remind you that if our tick-tocks have helped you in any way. If our podcast has helped broaden your horizon or your understanding of yourself or your partner or anybody that, you know, with ADHD the best way that you can support us, is just go, leave us a review, put us share us around on your social media on Tick-Tock on Instagram on Reddit on Facebook, send it

to your grandma. But the more people that we can bring to infinite quest in the more that we can show that there is a need and a value to the work that we're doing. The more that we can create infinite, Quest is a sustainable viable, medium for spreading awareness and advocacy about ADHD and depression, and mental health.

Again, we just want to stress that there is absolutely no pressure, no expectation and absolutely, no obligation, Want to keep infinite Quest as free and accessible to anybody and everybody who might need us. And so that's really really important to us as well again though we just want to close on a moment of sincere gratitude as much as I make jokes about you know fruit snack nation and Eric makes jokes about hey boots.

Heroes we really hope that you understand that we view infinite Quest as a family and a community and in particular this week we want to Extend our sincere gratitude to Eric and moon and scribbles and an for everything that they have done for us this week and and Beyond we would not be here if it were not for all of you. And we are just so so grateful to each and every one of you. I wish that I had the words in the Gratitude but I've been talking for like five minutes.

So I'm going to shut up. So yeah this is our educational episode hard switch into show mode. This is our educational episode. We'll be back next week with some more exciting and cool content. So um, here we go. Transition. That's nice. Okay. You want to do the thing? Yeah, give me a second. All right, one, I'm the preacher wore buttless chaps the but it's far. The children. So the children I'm trying to do that joke without being too loud

Anchorman Anchorman, I'm aware. I'd like her man, topically relevant, hit summer block. So relevant term Anchor Man will never not be Anchorman stepbrothers. Pineapple Express will never not be relevant. Those movies can be referenced till the end of time and they will always be relevant. And and what's that was Electric Boogaloo. Is it? There's a show? Anyways. Alright, that was terrible. All right, so we're going to clap. We do a little clapping clap for

for my making my life easier. Oh this is all. So everybody's seen the sausage gets made, you know, they are there's this is what this is. This is not like, oh, we're performing because we're on the twitch now. Like, I want to be very clear, this is actually how we make our podcast. Yeah. We just bullshit for like 25 minutes and then we're like, oh fuck. Guess we should make a podcast. We accidentally made a podcast that way. One time we didn't talk for a whole, like, hour and a half

accidentally. That was the system. Like, this is the way that episode is gonna go. But we should, at least do the intro. Do you want to okay? Hi everybody. It's me. Katie asaurus and it's me. Hey, dude. Nailed this. Let's so good. You want to tell you? It'll take that. Let's take that again. I'm going to say, I'm going to say. Hey everybody it's me. Hey good and you get a sort of first. This is the first time. First I'm gonna get top billing this time.

This is what's gonna happen? I'm not. I promise I'm not. Her about it, but this time I'm taking it. All right, ready? Okay. Hi everybody. It's me. Hey dude, and I'm Tia source. That was weird. Right? Weird. I wouldn't first weird.

Huh? I'm so today is our first live podcast recording on Twitch. If you'd like to hang out for our live podcast, reporting's follow twitch.tv/simpleflips Quest and switched out TV / KD Soros with an O instead of a zero or and sort of a. No, I mean, zero instead of a know I was almost close to being right. And also twitch.tv slash, hey dude, what are you? Filmmaking stuff. Also I really want mr. Nichols to do a voiceover for us.

Where it's like, I know this ode of infinite Quest was recorded in front of a live twitch audience. I bet he wanted. Yes we can do that before Thursday to I think that would be cool. Yeah, maybe so everyone that right here, yeah, right here. How dare you, I'm not a sexy or sensual voice for you to use at your whims which reminds me. Thank you for listening to infinite Quest. If you've enjoyed this podcast, be sure to like rate and subscribe on your favorite part.

Cast app and if your app doesn't let you do that. Why are you using it? Find a better one. One that deserves you. Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it? Oh no. I followed into your trap. This episode of infinite Quest was taped in front of a live, twitch studio audience. That was so cool, wasn't it? Oh man. It's your nickel. That was awesome. Now, I got out if he doesn't do it, so, it's just us doing

stupid this awkwardly father. So the, the topic we're going to talk about this week is something that Katie and I talked about to each other like a lot. And we've, I do want to say, we've been putting off the subject, but it's a really big one. And so we didn't really know how to approach it. And so, this is likely going to be either part.

Of a series or we're going to get more granular with it as time goes on. But today, we're just going to take the big whale of a topic of ADHD in school or ADHD and academics. However, you want to think about it because Katie and I both had very I think we had similar brains in school but we responded to them in very, very different ways which I think is fascinating.

This is true. So the first, the first question, I wanted to ask to sort of start things well, Unless unless of course, Katie you want to have any, you know, say or you know, you just let me talk for the next hour. Um, I mean actually I want to preface this because one of the things that I think is really important is that it is never Our intention on infinite, quest to exclude.

And one of the things that I have found really frustrating is that my experience, is that of a like gifted programs, like, just gifted programs. My Life. And I've started talking a lot more about that because, like, as I've been sort of like learning more about myself and like researching and all of the stuff, I'm realizing like, how much of my sort of trauma or the things that I deal with are, are very much based in that experience.

But the problem is that, every time I post on Tic Tac about it or I make a video about it, or whatever. There's always at least like five or six people in the comments. You go. Well, what about the kids who did bad in school and And and I never know how to navigate it because like that wasn't my experience. It just, it just wasn't.

And so like I want to be very clear that as we go into this week's episode, this is not to say that every person with ADHD is a gifted and talented kid, nor am I saying that if your experience is different than mine or if you, you know, you struggled in school, like there's something inherently more wrong with you or you are more or less ADHD.

We just wanted to talk about Our experience, because our experiences with school and particularly me, like in Academia, like getting master's degrees, and that kind of thing really informed, how, how I live my life, and how I teach. And so I just want to be very clear that we are doing. We think it's really, really important to not exclude in this conversation. We are just talking simply about our own experiences. Is that an okay way to start that? Yeah, I think so.

I mean, ultimately, I think it would be More of a disservice to our listeners, if we pretended that that was arts or pretended to have experiences that were other than our own, which is something that we try to do in every regard and this is just one of them. You know, we had a particular experience in school which we can speak to and we had we didn't have others that we can't speak to that.

We are immensely curious about which is why I really enjoy hearing other people's experiences in school. Because frankly I can't imagine having any other one than the one that I had. That's the one that I had. Yeah, I mean I mean, I can imagine about them in sort of a wistful, what if way, but I don't know what they were like, you know. So I think that is, yeah, I think it's a really good point. We're not trying to exclude.

We're just trying to only speak to the things that we actually know and and frankly, I And frankly, I want to put also for the idea that Katie and I even when we're just talking to each other, it's really hard for us to say anything. Positive about ourselves without apologizing for it as if to say, I'm not trying to be arrogant. I'm not trying to be whatever but like you know and we qualify it for like a minute and a half

before. Just saying a very simple thing that happened and so I am to stop doing that as much in my everyday life and I'm I'm trying to get K today. I'm just stop doing that in her everyday. Left. But I think certainly, I think on a podcast it's sometimes I'll be listening to the podcast and like, wow, I just apologize for something.

I haven't said yet for like three minutes so because like I mean I think that's a really good place to start the conversation because like that's something that I learned in my academic experience like that idea of like having to constantly apologize. A lot of that is rooted in my Variants in school and it's like weird because like Tick-Tock is

by hell or high water. Tick-Tock is convinced to make me a more mentally sound person and I'm just constantly getting called out all the time on Mental Health, Tick Tock but realizing that has been has been really interesting. Like how much of that like need to apologize and how much of that need to like over-explain and and over apologize and be like, oh I sure hope. I don't offend anybody by talking about my own experience and like how that experience has

affected? And me a lot of that comes out of my experience in school. Huh. That's interesting. And what Realms would you say was it like a very an immediate realm like you the people you're in class with or was it sort of a grander you didn't want to put yourself above or below anybody else. I mean, it was it's a lot. Like, I think it's like year like years and it showed up in different ways and like, like, this is like a weird place to start the like education

conversation. But when I was in kindergarten, like, I remember this, I remember this very specifically. I I taught myself how to read Um, and I taught myself how to read like at my grandma's house when I was like real real little and so when I went to kindergarten, I got in trouble for knowing how to read. And I like, I don't think my teacher meant for it to be like a know you're in trouble but

like, I was a kid. I didn't I didn't know like any better but basically like I remember I was sitting there and I was very quiet like this is like such like a like specific memory from my life but it was like, I I was sitting there, I was reading a book and she came over, she pulled the book out of my hands and she's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm reading a book. She like you don't know how to read and I was like, no, I do.

And she was like, no, you don't. And I was like yeah I do. It was like weird, right. She was like accusing me of lying and so then she like put the book she gives me back the book and she's like well then read it to me and then I started reading it to her and she was like why why do you like what do you like? Well, great. But that's She said, she's like, she's like, well, great.

Like I don't know what I'm supposed to teach you now and so I felt like I had done something wrong because I knew how to read. And so like that was like, my first experience like this was like, I want to be very clear. It was like the second day of school ever. Like, that was my second day was that. And I remember that, I remember that. Like, I was still there. I remember the rug that I was sitting on. I remember the book. I remember, like, with the width like the sun, coming through the

window. And like, I remember what I was wearing. And like I remember that and I remember that moment of like you are bad and you are wrong for knowing something that somebody else doesn't. And so like, I pretended that I didn't know how to read for a really long time, because I didn't want to hurt the other kids feelings. Wow. That's that's such a Good Will Hunting kind of moment not to immediately start drawing. Genius analogies.

Hello. Kitty hear you're quite up there but you're drawn on the chalkboard in your in your custodian Garb. You know and and and Alexander. Big from The Avengers comes up and goes like goes like, what are you doing? And you just gotta sorry, and they looks up in my God. It's right. You got to just grab that book and read it that teacher. I love that that happened. I am honestly going to sleep better at night knowing that that's how you responded.

You were just like, oh yeah. I'll read it. I'm give a shit. It's sort of, like, when a teacher would think you're not paying attention in class because you're doodling, or you're looking out the window or something. And they'll say Eric, like pay attention, I'm like, oh, I was. And they're like, oh yeah well

what did I just say? The amount of times I've heard that and I was stoked every single time because I did know what they said and they were about to look real fucking stupid in front of the whole class. Mmm, I love it. But what so, how long after do you think they did it? Take until you were comfortable like reading in front of everybody and not only that, but like being comfortable knowing how to do that in light of other people. Perhaps not being so good at it.

I mean, it was weird because my mom pulled me out of that school. Like after that happens, like my mom. Moved me to a different school because she was so upset at the teacher for like, what the teacher because my mom was like, I remember like I came home and I like cried and I was like, like I got in trouble for reading and my mom was like, I'm sorry what now, so I moved to a different school for first grade.

And then I was in that school for like the rest of like I went first through eighth grade with like this and it was a very, very small school. So I went to school with the same 18 kids. There were 18 kids in my class. Class from first grade to 8th grade, which was a very weird experience, because when you only know 18, people from grade 1 to grade 8, everybody knows the situation. Everybody knows who the smart kid.

Is everybody knows who like, you know, the kid who struggles is, everybody knows everybody's business, it was a whole thing. And so like my school experience is really, really weird because like, I was mercilessly Fond of I was mercilessly bullied from like first second and third grade.

I was I was horribly bullied because I was like weird looking and I had dumb hair and I knew how to read and I was really smart and I loved Reading Rainbow and so my parents used to tape Reading Rainbow off of off of the TV on to like VHS tapes and they would like bring in like five VHS tapes, a week and my class would watch Reading Rainbow because my parents have cable. We were like, the only people in my class who had cable at the The time.

So my parents were, like, bootlegging Reading Rainbow for the kids in my class, but they used to make fun of me for it. They're like, ah, ha ha, you like Reading Rainbow, like all you're such a nerd, all, you know, how to read and whatever. And so is this weird thing where starting in fourth grade, they bumped me to like a made-up, it didn't exist. Like the, like my it was just like my fourth grade teacher realized that like, I was so bored. I was just so bored all the time.

She like started giving me like harder books to read, but it was like that was the narrative like like for a really long time was just like I was made fun of her, knowing how to read. I was constantly told like I got told by the school librarian that I couldn't check out books from the big kids section because they were too hard for me.

And so like I just kept getting told over and over and over that I was like wrong and bad and I shouldn't know the things that I did and then I was like, I don't know, I don't know where I'm going with this but that's the story. So there you go. Well, I want to Wondering at what point at what point did all that bullshit ariki sort of

stop? I mean I know it probably never stopped but at what point was it like okay did the teachers not feel so freaking insecure about the fact that you knew things that they didn't teach you I suppose. I mean that's what's ringing pretty strikingly. Clear here. Is that eighth grade eighth grade, my eighth grade teacher. Her name was Connie or tell and she was just an extraordinary teacher. She Was so good. I still remember her.

I still remember everything that she did for me and basically she was the first person who looked at me and said like you are not bad and wrong for being smart like you would like there is nothing wrong with being intelligent and that was kind of a turning point for me. Because like for a really long time, like I was like, I was Hermione Granger like, you know, like I was a kid, like I always answer the question like whatever but at this Point there was 18 of us.

Like everybody knew that I was a fucking nerd. Like they weren't like so you know they weren't surprised and so like I just kind of gotten used to like being the nerdy kid

who always knew the answer. And so it was funny because like I posted that video about you know like raising your hand in class like what do you do for kids, who like always know the answer and how do you take you know, how do you take turns that wasn't my experience until high school because all through grade school everybody would just look at me and Me to know the answer, like, if nobody knew the answer my teacher. Well, Katie, what's the answer? And I'd be like, X or Y, or you

know, whatever. And so, yeah, like so that was like, it was like weird. It's like weirdly backwards and then I got to high school and I was like and I had new teachers and new people who like didn't know me didn't know that. That was like, I was the kid who knew the answer? It was weird. I feel like I'm talking a lot about myself. What about you, Eric? Tell me about your it. See what I did? I awkwardly dodged feeling feelings. Ha, ha. Take that.

Don't worry, I'll bring you back. well, I my experience was basically I from as early as I can remember, probably I would say like an early phase school. So when I was, when I was a kid, I lived in Connecticut till I was 12. I moved to Michigan when I was 12 and I went to public Michigan high school. So, I was 16, when I was 16, I went to a boarding school, which is sort of like, an Arts Conservatory for. I played, I was a musician who.

And so, for my Junior and senior year in high school, I was at this this board School for music. I mean it wasn't a conservatory like actually. So we still had actual classes with math and physics and all that kind of stuff and then I graduated that and then didn't go to college. And so that first period that the pre 12. I suppose I Was way more interested in the social workings of how the school's

social whatever is work. The hierarchies how those worked which isn't to say just that I like wanted to be like, what of a popular I mean, on some level, I like I did because I don't know, I was trained to want that perhaps but I was fascinated by how people interacted. Like, I noticed that the people that one would call quote unquote popular. They were just the best at insulting, people, that was the only thing that made them popular.

It didn't necessarily have to do with how they looked or how much money they had or whether or not they played Sports, it was strictly that they were the best insulting people. And so if you went up against them about something they could cause you to back down by insulting you. Yeah, and you would back down from that. But there were also a whole class of people that you were better at insulting people, then, and you were quote unquote, more popular. I was, I was third tier.

I don't want to say these peoples names, but, I mean, I worked it all out in my head, it was fascinating to me. There was all use their first name. Their was h, m + m, two M's different names, and they were immensely. Nobody, nobody mess with them. And then they each had their, like, sort of right-hand person. And then below that, anyways, that was all deeply.

Fascinating to me because every grade also had that hierarchy, which I also figured out because I had a brother who was a few grades above me. And so I was sort of familiar. What was going on up there? So, there was this whole Game of Thrones thing going on and I was a very quiet kid, believe it or not. Well, I was, I was either very quiet or either, very not quiet. But anyways, I was very, very concerned and fascinated by how those things work.

So, whenever I was in class, I was more interested in whether or not like I know that the most popular kid, quote-unquote popular knows the answer to this because I just know that he does. Like, I he's a smart kid and I know he knows the answer, I wonder whether or not he raises his hand. And he either would or wouldn't, and I would be like, hmm, interesting, I'm not laughing at you. But I think this is fascinating the way that you approach this is just like, fascinating to me.

Well, it was just so good at the time. It was so much more interesting than most of the stuff we were learning about because either they were teaching us about something very interesting that they assumed was to way over our heads. So they had to sort of dumb it down in which case it was sort of like frustrating. Like, I know that's not the full story, that's not. What is like that? Be all in his xylem does.

But or there were classes that did end up being very interesting in which case I ended up being very I would I don't want to say I hyper-focused on it but everything else sort of faded away and I was just like, oh my God, what you're telling me that there's an electron thing in the world? You know, they're microscopic little things. And so I was either very concerned with either found the social machinations of the school to be much more interesting than the subjects.

Or very much vice versa. I am man that Fascinates me because and I couldn't choose, which was which I couldn't choose, which one was more interesting to me at a given time. I can't make that, I can't stress that enough because that sort of dichotomy stuck in my head, like I can either focus on the social aspect of school, not just in a, what's my place in it, but just in sort of a anthropological sense of like what? This is fastening? What's going on here?

Or I could focus on school. And so there was this sort of Of, there's Mutual exclusivity to them. That I think persisted for me, were you? Were you a good student or were you a bad suit? What a dreadful student. Always read on paper. Yeah. Oh yeah. Always garbage on paper on paper. Like my teachers always liked me but I was terrible. Well, so I suspect your initial question is actually about. How is what was my relationship to a teach?

Do you know, all this, which I suppose like I just think because I don't like, I don't know. Like, I wasn't like, I was straight As until I wasn't and then When I wasn't everybody treated it like it was a crisis and then I was like, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I just don't want to do stuff sometimes? Yeah, I mean I had a moment in, it would have been fifth grade.

That is the more I unpack myself in the more that I sort of observe myself, the more I'm realizing it was one of the more influential in formative moment. My entire life. It's easy to discredit things that happened before a certain age because you like, I was a kid. What the hell? Who cares what happened then? I burped, but basically there's this program called academically talented or 80 and my brother was in my. I have a brother that was two grades above me.

He was in it and I was very aware of which students were in it in which students were not. Because again, it played into that social hierarchy, if somebody was in academically, talented or not because there was a class during, there's a period throughout the day. Academically talented was happening and you were you either there or you were in LA to language arts to where you just put the dumb kids, basically, and the dumb kids, you should say kids.

I know it was good at school. Yeah, I don't want to social construct. Oh, yeah, that's right. It was not the dumb kids class. I'm trying to make a joke because I was in that class. And so it was not the dumb kids class. There were plenty, plenty of brilliant kids in that class. However, you want to measure Brilliance, they really are brilliant because Cuz they could do math really well or they were brilliant because they could make you stop crying when you were crying like whatever,

whatever their skill set was. So, yeah, I actually I do feel really bad about calling it the dumb kids. Thought it was nothing, but we didn't get tested for academically, talented or screen for academically, talented until fifth grade. So all up until then, I was like, you're going to get in, you're not going to get any, you're going to get it, you're not gonna get in and then that

Jake the day came. I took the test and I didn't get in. And I was put in LA to and from then on it was like the game became. How do I prove to these people that I'm smart which is out. I'm going to call you out because we were friends and I can that's like that is a thing that you do still to this day. Absolutely. Oh yeah. I mean we're like really got to know you.

I was always like this pretentious motherfucker, like I get it, you're Smart. And then like one day, you told me that story and I was like, oh oh I get it now I understand why Eric does this and it's a, but it's like and then I get like upset for you. And then I was like, first that I feel bad for like passing that judgment on you because I was

just like, I had no idea. But then also like, then I'm like that is so upsetting that something as like, frankly trivial as like what language arts class. You got put into based on some arbitrary system of testing and measuring intelligence profoundly affected. Not only your experience in school, but also like how you see yourself as like a grown-ass man? And it's like, and it's weird because like it's another one of

those. Like I don't take care of myself but I take care of you and like because it's like it's the same thing for me. But like I get mad about you, but I'm just like my, I'm just like, Ava, Katie, like it.

It's fine, it doesn't matter. But yeah, I get I get really frustrated whatever I think about that, because I wonder how many other kids are like didn't get into the program and have like completely made that they're like wrap that up into their self-worth or like vice versa like were and you know in the pressure and the expectations and like all of

that stuff. Like I really think a lot of those programs do more harm than good because we're Not thinking about the psychological impact that telling kids over and over and over that they're gifted and they're special and whatever has in the long run. When all the sudden grades don't matter. Yeah. Like what do you do when you graduate school and you're not getting graded on how you know how good your book reports are? You're just have to live your life and file your taxes?

Yeah, the solution. Eric is you go back to school four separate times. That's right. Yeah, That's the best. This that's strategy. That's right. Well, I think the idea of I do want to call them gifted programs but having specific programs for specific kids having a more tailored academic experience for students, I think is a good idea.

In theory, I think the way that we're implementing it though, focuses much more on this concept of there being a linear scale of intelligence and we so we focus more on sort of magnitude and hierarchy, like, you are smart enough, or you aren't smart enough or I think the approach Be much more lateral. Like, oh, you are inclined to do this sort of thinking or making or whatever, you know, you're

very tactically intelligent. Like, when you hold stuff, you can sort of feel how they work and make things and you're very, you know, confident when it comes to cars or something like that. I mean honestly, like I feel like my like real, this is a thing that I've actually thought about like I really genuinely think that like if I were ever to have kids I would send them to Montessori school for that purpose. Which is weird.

What is Montessori school? So Montessori school is like this sort of like different approach to teaching that is more based on like the kid follows their own interests and their own passions like within the context of like a lesson

plan. But it's like it's based on like what the kid is good at and like, rather than just saying, like, every kid has to learn history in the same exact way, because I like one of the, one of the things that I really think about is there's there's a kid in my class and I won't say their name will call him. Steve, Steve Was a horrible reader. Like Steve just could not read well but Steve. Was it like fucking brilliant at Art? Like just like even as a kid

like just could draw you. Anything was so good at. It was like, whatever but was not a gifted reader and so Steve like you got left out of the gifted program because like, you know, the structures of the gifted program said that Steve wasn't Gifted because he couldn't read well aloud. Now, Steve makes like a fucking five million dollars a year as an architect because he's brilliant and so talented and so

smart at other things. And so like that's like, that's the thing is like, I was very traditional, like, traditionally gifted. I was an excellent reader, I was an excellent writer like that's that's that was my skill set? And not only that. And I want to be very clear. I'm just really good at Tests. Like one of my shitty superpowers is like I'm very, very good at taking standardized tests that doesn't make me smart or intelligent any more than the

next person. It just means that like I have a weird talent and skill in terms of like understanding how to efficiently, take a standardized test. And so like, I get mad sometimes about the kids that, you know, for as much as I talk about being, you know, like a burnt

out gifted and talented kid. I get really Be upset about the kids who are left out of these programs because their talents are different because their interests are different like being an incredibly talented artist is just as important as being a really good biologist or chemist or whatever. But it's we're only recognizing like one specific type of intelligence in one in specific type type of like academic success and it just Frustrates me.

You know, it does and to sort of Bring It kind of back to ADHD, I think not only do we value certain forms of intelligence more than others so much so that we don't even call those other forms of intelligence intelligence. A lot of the time I think we also value certain, I would say intellectual dispositions or mental dispositions. More than others. Speaking. Nothing. Of the, of the concept of a disorder. But just the idea that everybody's brain has a disposition, it has a way that

it behaves. Sometimes it behaves in a way that makes you quote, unquote, a good student, or obedient student and sometimes it makes you an obnoxious little little whatever the hell. But both of those dispositions, all dispositions that a brain can come in are useful in some ways by useful. I don't mean how much can they produce for society, but how much can they create a healthy

and satisfying? Iron meant for the person whose mind it is and I think by seeing certain kids like me with ADHD and thinking, and trying to get him to not, have any trying to get him to behave in every way as if he didn't is really harmful and it produces a lot of Shame which is not to say that. I mean ADHD is, is very frequently, not useful in a in an academic environment and it's understandable that a teacher would want to help us. Sort of quell, those less

convenient things. But oftentimes that's at the expense of the things that thinking of ADHD, not necessarily as a disorder, but just, as a disposition that someone can have the ability to think of many things at once and have them all rub together and mushed together. And so, you can think of new creative ideas.

I think often time that gets the value of that gets reduced and gets in gets written off in attempts, to help the more Deleterious effects of of ADHD and that I think I thinkwell. So when I said before that, my mission became to prove that I was smart which is certainly true. My, an equally necessary thing to bring up is it wasn't just a

proof that I was smart. It was to prove that they fucked up by not putting me in academically talented, so I didn't want to be put in academically talented. I didn't want their approval. I wanted them to Admit. They were wrong. And so from then on, I always felt like traditional academic success academic success on

paper. Getting the Praises of my teachers or the other people who are evaluating me, I always felt like that was was sort of letting it was letting them win doing well, because that's what they wanted. What I wanted to do, was for them to look at me. See that? I was smart, see that I was failing and think, wow, we really failed this kid. And that always prevented me from that would. Well that was one of the factors that prevented me from actually

trying. The the story I tell is like if you're going into class and you were supposed to have done some amount of reading from a book, Let's it like it's a it's a literature class and you sit down and the class starts discussing the book. Well, I didn't do the reading. So the game became how well, can I do in this class having not done the reading in most of the time, I could pull my weight. Edge's. That's that's a mood.

I don't know if that's like a relatable grade but like I would do that shit all the time because I know your doubt that I could just be like, well I just really feel like the author is, you know, really trying to say the thing that he's not like it because it's so easy. It's so yeah. Easy to do and then I would start feeling guilty about that. Like did you ever feel bad because like I was start feeling bad that I could just sit there and bullshit and bullshit.

So effectively that my teacher be like that is an amazing but everybody. Should make points like Katie and I'm like, nothing. And you didn't notice like, I think guilty. Yeah. I think I felt guilty. Sometimes seeing I got well, it wasn't guilt. I would say I mean, guilt was part of it, I think. But I think it was fear was the

thing that I was mainly feeling. I mean, I didn't know it at the time but years and years later after dissecting all of it, I think I felt fear If I had done the reading, if I was on an even playing field with everybody else that I wouldn't be as genius as I thought I would be. So I was constantly limiting Myself by not doing the reading by putting the essay off until the very last minute by, you know, not doing all of my homework and seeing if I could convince the teacher to let me

turn it in months, late. I was constantly holding myself back because I was worried that if I didn't then I wouldn't be as smart as I thought I was that it wasn't the fact that these people fuck me over. I just didn't have the stuff. And Incredibly astute self-observation. Yeah, well, I mean, it Factor. That's that the factors into everything that I do. I mean you are my business

partner. I think you see that in me that like I don't start if I started editing every podcast, immediately after we recorded it, that would give me a whole week to make it the most excellent podcast and make it amazing. But I always wait until like, maybe the day before. So, that way, as I have thoughts, I think well, I just don't have time to spend an hour and a half making Bit out of this 5 Second clip.

And I think part of that is I'm worried that if I put everything into it, then the product won't be as good as I imagined it to be and I'd have to deal with that reality. I will confess to you here and now that I have two masters degrees and Shakespeare, I have never once. Read two Noble Kinsmen, I just haven't, do you know how many classes I've been required to read two Noble Kinsmen in at

least seven that come to mind. I just I two Noble Kinsmen sucks, its that's shitty fucking play and so like, but that's the thing. It's like I was in graduate school. I was in graduate school sitting in the back of the room going. Well, the intersectionality of this chapter is very interesting when combined with the character

development that scene. Act three and then in it's the same thing and so like yeah I mean I have that same thing too because I'm like, what if I'm not as smart as I think I am, I've just been an incredibly good bullshit artist, my old, which is not a negligible skill, that's for sure. Not a negligible scale. Hey everybody. You did it. You made it to the middle of the episode. Congratulations.

We're really proud of you. You should probably go drink some water in celebration of this momentous occasion. So, listen, we know that we talked about the patreon quite a bit at the beginning of the episode. So I'm going to skip that this time in the middle. And we just want to remind you that this week's episode is brought to you by Z lulu.com. That Ze l o0 l.com. They so glad I always forget to say that they sell glasses.

It's for you guys. They sell glasses Z little, they sell glasses, they're cheap, they're affordable they're very stylish. They have some crazy cool Styles and bolt just shockingly, bold glasses, options. And so if you want to buy some glasses from Z world.com, you can do that by visiting Ze, L, o0, elle.com and use code. Kto that C8 EIEIO for 10% off your order, which ain't bad. Also infinite Quest has a red bubble shops.

So if you want to go get some cool ADHD and D merch, you can do that by visiting Redbubble.com. People /, infinite Quest. Oh my gosh, we've got blumpkin and helvetica stickers and it's like the coolest thing ever. So go check them out. That's it short. Sweet. And to the point, you're welcome and now here's the part where Katie cries. Okay, bye. I know I said I wasn't gonna do this but I want to do this because I think it's really good

in the chat. We got a really good question that I think is an excellent segue to a really good topic. Yeah, fantastic homework. Oh boy homework with ADHD because like home where I have a weird relationship to homework like I have a really, really weird relationship and I like I And I had my answer is very quick. My answer is what I was like until maybe High School specifically until High School. Homework wasn't a thing for me.

Like I would the teacher would assign the homework usually like in the 10 minutes before class ended and by the time class was over, I would have the homework done because the homework that they were assigning was so easy for me. Then when I got to high school and we haven't even, we haven't even talked about my secret double life.

In high school, we haven't even touched this story yet, which we need to get to because I feel like it's a very important contextualizing story for my high school experience. But in high school, like there were some classes were like I just was like, I mean, I don't have to do the homework, the teacher knows that I'm smart, the teacher like whatever. And so, like, I can just not do the homework and I'll be fine.

And so yeah, like homework. I've really weird relationship with homework because I never I never learned anything from home. Homework was never anything useful. Homework was never anything helpful. It never reinforced anything because the way that my brain works is once I have learned, something I have learned it. I either understand it or I do not understand it. And once I understand it, like,

great now, I know. And so like, I don't need to do fifteen fucking chemistry problems to understand, like, whatever conversion, whatever. And so like, I would get really frustrated with homework because I didn't see the point. What like I already know this. I have shown you that I know this because I'm able to confidently, talk about it in class. Why do I have to go home and do 80 fucking math problems? Yeah. So yeah. I that's what I was sort of

frustrated. Me is the point of homework always seem to not be to not be helping you learn the thing, it's just proof that you've learned it for the, for the teacher. Which from a from a from a you know, a working person's perspective. Like it being a teacher is a job and part of that person's job is having a specific way that they can explain to their bosses, how they're grading their students. It's this percent homework, it's this percent test, its this percent that.

So it's really a way of the teacher doing their job, which is to, you know, measure how well these students are learning the things that it's their job to teach them. And so, I always sort of resented that we're like, you know, the in my head it was like the fact that you're giving Me homework to do over. And over a thing that you know, I know because I was very active, in class is an insult, like it's that's you're wasting my time.

I don't do it that way now because I'm not as cynical but at the time I absolutely was I was like to homework was always the thing that revealed me. It was always the, the it was the thing that pulled back the the cover on the smart kid thing that I did in class especially math class that was always very good at math. And I love math.

And so, I was, I would in class. I would be, you know, the student that the teacher would have to say, you know, anybody, but Eric, like, does anybody want? Eric one answer? This question? Um, this is actually a mood and if Katie anybody, all right, Katie. Sorry. I can remember, several occasions, usually towards the end of a semester where the teacher would hold me after class, and say, like, Eric, what are you doing and say, well, what do you You mean? I know what they mean?

But there was like, well, what do you mean they're like, Eric, I had a teacher come up to me and said you, my God will see here. This one, I will apologize for before I say, because this is very pretentious, but this is also the best example of the things I'm talking about. She said, Eric, you're one of the best mathematicians taking this class. She said, you're the one of the best students taking this clash and then corrected herself.

And she said, Eric, you're one of the best mathematicians taking school? Well, I got called a mathematician goodness you sir. This woman literally, wrote the book, we were studying out of She wrote The Textbook. We're starting out. And she said, why haven't you done any of your homework? Like if you don't do, if you don't do this, then you're going to fail this class and I was

just like, I had no excuses. I knew what I was doing was just like, yeah, sure, still trying to stick it to those people that didn't put me in academically, talented, and so she would strike me a deal. She was like, if you can give me the entire semesters worth of homework by Saturday, I'll give you 75 percent credit on it and so then the game was on and I would just Just hyper focus and just go. Okay, here we go. Then it was a game.

And I would do that. And, you know, it was so homework was the thing that always revealed how shitty of a student actually was. And I think all of the all the thoughts that I'm espousing now and the thoughts that I was having at the time, a lot of them were to bring it back to the thing that we're supposed to be talking about. A lot of those things were me, trying to escape the fact that my ADHD was much more of a factor in my life.

Than it actually was all of those things were try to convince to try to convince me that I was in fact, in control of whether or not I did all this work. I've I was actively deciding not to when the fact of the matter was a lot of the time I genuinely wanted to whether it's homework or an essay, a lot of times I'd be assigned an essay and as soon as we got the assignment might have brain lit up and went. Oh my gosh. That's so interesting. I could write a book about that

but I just couldn't get started. Because every time I sat down, I Got antsy or every time I sat down my head would start to vibrate and so in order to try to not deal with the reality that I wasn't in control of that, I convinced myself that it was out of all of these decisions I had made regarding my resentment towards, you know, the academic establishment and I think those things were there, but I don't think my my not doing the work was a conscious decision, a lot of the time.

Yeah. I mean, I had This. I totally forgot what I was gonna say, hold on, I had like a whole point that I was going to make it everything and then I got distracted because I read the chat keep doing it. I saw you put something in the chat and I was like, oh, we got, we've started. Oh, I know what it was. Um, so one of the things though that I think also for me, that I like just very recently have realized is how kind of like what you were saying? Like your ADHD was impacting.

It like for me, just like in general having a nun. I know it's neurodiversity was like, that was really big. There's wonderful video that I saw on Tick-Tock about like, what something that like you like the neurotypical? People don't understand. And it was this girl and she was talking about like, the why, the why of things like, you can teach me something all day. But if you can't explain to me the why, then, like, I don't care and I don't know if I have

ever felt. So personally called out by Tick-Tock video, because for anybody who was there, the night that Eric tried to teach me math, on tick tock. Live, you will remember this but that was the thing is like I found that my whole whole life, especially like when I was like, like young younger like and less like high-concept stuff. No one could ever answer? The, why for me, nobody could ever answer the like, why do I care? Why does this work? How does it work?

Like, what's going on? It's just like, well, one plus, one is two right. But why, why is one like Hank Green? I'm not trolling you. I genuinely want to know. Answer to that question Hank, Green, true story of Easter story.

And so like that was thing as like and realizing like how much that lack of explanation and that lack of like the why impacted how I think about learning and approach learning is really interesting because it's like now and I always make jokes about this but like I wanted to know how big the turkey was in A Christmas. Carol well why? Because fuck you is why I like I want I I wanted to know, I want to know because I think that's really fantastically

interesting. And three days later of like quite frankly, exhaustive academic research. Like I found that answer and it's the same reason why. I like, I decided I wanted to get multiple masters degrees in a subject that I was passionate about because I wanted to know the wise. I wanted to talk to somebody about like well why why I'm a pentameter why, why Shakespeare why the you know whatever and what I found out is that It

doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're a kindergarten, it doesn't matter if you're working your way through a PhD, there are a lot of people who have never asked the, why question, there are a lot of people in a lot of different areas of study and walks of life and all of this thing who just never ask the why? And that baffles me that absolutely baffles me.

And it and it and it's like, I don't to say it's like upsetting but like getting a master's, like, my master's degree is Like I don't feel like I tried very hard. I really don't like I don't feel like I tried and I thought like getting master's degrees was going to be like this crazy intense constant like just like we're going to learn and we're going to study and it was more of just like what Katie, what

are your thoughts on Hamlet? And I'd be like, well, it's good I guess could be better in some places. There's some plot holes, what about the Pirates? What happened to the Pirates? And then be like, cool have a degree and I'd be like oh that, that was it? Okay. And that but the guilt but I feel guilt about that like I feel genuine guilt for about that because and I don't know why I like I don't know where it

comes from. I don't know why I particularly think of it that way but like I feel really guilty sitting here on my ADHD podcast knowing that there are people who are passing, you know they're like freshman year English going like oh it's so easy for me to get a masters degree. Like I feel extreme guilt about that. I feel extreme shame and embarrassment.

Harassment. And I feel like I can't talk about it. Like, I can't, I feel like I can't talk about the fact that, like, it has always been so easy for me that I feel bad. I feel wrong. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I feel like I'm approaching it wrong. I just, I don't know, like I just I feel so strange about it. Like I'm literally getting emotional about it right now because like I just I don't know what to do. And no one has ever been able to

solve that. For me, nobody has ever been able to like, figure out how to make it challenging enough to where I feel like I'm deserving of the degree or the recognition or anything and yeah. Like I don't really know what I'm, I don't know why. I don't know. Like I just, I don't know. I feel really guilty, I feel really guilty all the time because I'm like, oh, I have two masters degrees and I'm so fancy and I'm like and I built some kind Students and was in some plays and they gave me a

master's degree. Like I didn't do anything special. Like I'm still just me and it's just, I don't know, it's just yeah. If I think it was maybe like imposter syndrome or something, but it's just, it's just weird and yeah, I don't know. I don't know where I was going with that but there you go.

Well I'd say, you know, I've heard you expressed the sentiment about a couple a number of things, and I think the important thing for me to remind you of I'm not, these things aren't true because I'm telling you them, they just are true as you're not taking anything away from anybody else

by having these things. So, the concept of deserving It's not that you're taking it away from somebody who is perhaps more deserving, the concept of deserving is doesn't really factor in and to, in terms of, you know, taking away things implies giving things. The fact that you have those master's degrees has enriched you as a person, Katie, and you have made other people's lives, a lot better by being the person

that you are. And so frankly, let's say deserving was a factor in it and let's just say you didn't deserve them, you do. But let's say You didn't. I'm still very glad that you do because you're the person that you are and you make my life in a lot of people's lives a lot better. So That Katie ha take the compliment whether you want to or not, can we? We should can so because it's got like weird and emotional and

heavy. Can I tell a hilarious story about how I let a secret double life because I told my secret, double life story. Yeah, sure. But before you do that, I just want to point out to anybody who's hearing this right now. If you have a Google phone, say OK, Google. How big is the turkey from A Christmas? Carol, just do that. Just do that for me, please. Wherever you are. Just Plus that out real quick. Thanks hurt.

You love it. So okay so this is and this is a thing and I think part of this also like this is this is some fun. I don't want to say childhood trauma because it's honestly a very funny story, but I suppose trauma can also be funny. But so one of the things that happened to me was because I was good at school and I had kind of figured out how to game the system. I started taking college classes, Classes when I was in high school and so like my first day of high school was also my

first day of college. And so I was 14 going to college. Now, I also want to be very clear that I have not grown since I was 12 years old. Like I have been the same height. I've been roughly the same weight and shape. So like you look at your pal. Katie, and you're like, probably

an adult. So I lived this Weird secret life where I was like 14 I was in college but I didn't want anybody in college to know that I wasn't cool and I didn't want anybody in college to know that I like you know got driven to college by my mom and her purple minivan. That's a true and specific reference from my own life. And so like for a couple of years I like didn't tell anybody like how old I was Like because I just, I just didn't, I would

never. And like, and so, like, in college ice and I started doing this thing where I put I pretended, like I was, I was not very good at school. And so, I would, I like, I remember I took this class, it was a, it was a Theater history class, and it was like a very like 101 Theater history, but because I had already been, like a theater kid, you know, I knew a lot about Theater history because I just read. So, I would like, I had this secret double life where I was a bad college student.

Where Would purposely like fail tests and I would purposely get the answer wrong and I would purposely like, be like, oh yeah, that's like, I'd very confidently, be like Henrik Ibsen, and then they'd be like, no, that was a checkoff play. And I'd be like, oops. And it was like, so I could like, it was like, I was doing this like weird.

It wasn't even like a social experiment, but it was like this weird thing where I like I wanted the experience of being a bad student so I like manufactured it. And then finally like one of my teachers like called me out and she was like, I've seen your papers. I've seen your tests. I know that, you know, this, I know that, you know, this material.

I don't know what is going on with you, but like stop it, like just own the fact that like, you know, this and so then like the next day in class, she like, basically, outed me and was just like, well, Katie, like you're 15, like what I like, you know, you're still in high school and I still remembered like everybody just Like turned around and was like cause like, you know, it was also, that was the weekend that a lot of the guys in the class stop hitting on me as well.

They had been just want to make that that part of the story. Very abundantly clear. I was so confused whilst why so many people weren't as nice to me as they had that. And then my teacher going to be like, well here's the water. What were some of the differences that you noticed going from the high school World immediately to the college

world? I mean, honestly, like I thought it was super novel that I didn't have to wear a school uniform that was like, that was like my number one impression was. I was like, I didn't have to wear a knee socks and culotte to school every day. I thought that was cool but I also have very fond memories of like frantically changing my clothes in the bag was playing say yeah because like I would leave from high school and go to to the college classes, but like

I don't know. Like it was like it was really weird because like, I what was nice is that because The way that I was doing it was I was just kind of taking classes like whatever. I thought was interesting at the time, so I took a lot of, like, Theater history, I took like stage makeup, I took like stage combat, like I did a lot of theater classes and that kind of thing. I took some English classes. I took, you know, like just kind

of it was thing. But by the time I graduated high school, I had also graduated college already. Like I had enough credits to have a college degree and so I remember like my, like, my parents looked at me and they're like, well, do you want to go like what are you gonna do? Because like, you have a degree. Three. And I was like, well, I want to do college for real and I remember that was like very specifically like how I thought about it is like I had not done College.

I adjust, I faked College. It was pretend College, it wasn't real. It wasn't those hundred and twenty credits weren't real because I had had fun, you know, I just like I had had fun, learning them and whatever. And so, yeah. And so then I went, I guess I went back to college or I went to college for real that time and so, yeah, But yeah, it was just like this weird trivia fact from my life of like my secret double life as a college student. I was wondering my honest.

Question is, what did your mom think of the fact that you wanted that? You, you felt the need to change out of your high school uniform to go to college classes? I'm just curious. Did she notice what she like are you embarrassed, was she like? Because my mom would at least want to know, like, I don't know.

Never thought about it. Like honestly, like I think she just got it was like, oh, that makes sense like, you know, because she's not going to to school, she's going to college you know, so like I don't think she ever like, she never really liked made a thing out of it, you know what I mean?

But it was like, I was also like in every fucking activity in high school because that's a let's we still haven't touched on that part of ADHD where she said, oh you're gonna be involved in every activity and you're gonna completely overextend yourself and burn yourself out.

That's that's definitely a normal thing that normal people do but you I would change for basketball practice and I would change for volleyball practice and I would I would change for Honor Society meetings and I would, you know, so it was like just the changing of the clothes in the back seat was a very like normative thing in my house that makes sense. I'm knowing what your car looks like. It's just now making a lot of sense.

At any given time you have like 15 different changes of clothes in your car, which is not which Kitty. I don't mean to like out you as having a car with a bunch of stuff in it, I think. Incredibly useful like that one time. When you, when we went to the Renaissance fair for you, to check your mail and I was because of covid. It was like not going to go in. I was just waiting outside in the car.

I wasn't bored at all. I was like, oh my gosh, there was the complete works of Shakespeare in there. That was pretty cool. I found a really good pair of needle, nose, pliers, that I needed to use later. It was awesome. There is a, I would say a group of about 150 people in Georgia who old and with no irony or You know, hyperbole they literally call My Car. The room of requirement it's just - because it's a real thing. Like oh you need a pirate sword.

I think I've got one of my car like oh you need I don't know like a bottle of wine. I think I got one in my car like it's a real thing in my life. It's just it's just I think I don't know if it's like an ADHD thing but I feel like it's I've made enough jokes about like show me the backseat of your car on Tick Tock to where I feel like maybe that's like less of a. It's a it's a shared experience.

Audience. Well, I think the thing about is, whenever I see something that could be useful in a project at some point, like a build project, I have to hold on to it. And just often enough, one of those things will end up being exactly the thing that I need, and that just perpetuates it for the next year, basically.

So I think, if this is ADHD related, it's certainly not part of the diagnostic criteria, but if keeping things seemingly useless things around, or at least not, obviously useful things around. Is part of ADHD. I think it's because of the whole prospecting thing that we think of so many different possibilities for how everything can play out. We inevitably see the one where this thing is exactly what we need at the time and in which

case we want to have it, right. So that's so hard to get rid of stuff to my gosh. I'm just like, well, yeah, I could get rid of the seven yards of silk, that has been sitting in my closet for five years and I haven't even ever cut into. But what if I need to make a teal silk doublet sometime? Like, And that feeling of like working on something and realizing that you need a very specific thing and the moment you realize that you have it, oh gosh, I would live in that

moment for the rest of my life. So good. I jump out of my chair, I bang my knees on my desk because I roughed from the chair. It's incredible. Well Kitty. Let's so we've been recording for about an hour now and we've been giving sort of backstories on our schooling experience. Look, this has to be a part. Now, because I think has talked a lot about, like, here's like where we come from but we haven't really offered any like solutions to problems were just like, yeah.

Well, so what I was sucked. I don't know. Let's I'm also asking the the chat, this hello chat. Hi everybody. Sorry. We haven't been paying very much attention to you. I feel bad. But if you're down in Katie, if you're down, we could take a break cap. This episode off. People can ask questions in the chat and then do you want to do like a school?

You a while. We're all set up based on the questions that they ask, it's okay, you been streaming for a while now, Katie. So nobody will hold it against you. If you need to, if you need to, if you need to stop right, everybody. All right, everybody. We won't hold it against Katie if she needs to stop. I think maybe a better idea.

I like that that, um, my thought is what if we have them email, their questions to us at infinite cost podcast at gmail.com and then that way, if they've like, Awesome questions. We can also, we can make a list of like the most common ones and then that way also people who are listening to this later after the fact can also send us their questions about school and then that way we can do a part 2.

That's more about like just questions about like because I have a lot of like good school advice like that's things like it sounds like it. Yeah. Complained about school for like the past hour but like really and truly like like Cuz I lived with undiagnosed ADHD for so long. I have a lot of like really good and really effective systems for like oh you need to write a history paper but you left it for like an hour before. It's due. I got you fam.

Here's how to write. Yeah, our before history paper, your saturated day before history paper.

Like I've got a lot of stuff like that but like I kind of want to know like what people want to know and I also kind of want to like make sure that like I think about the answer to my question because I feel really awkward about this episode Eric, I feel like I did that cool thing where like, where we had a really good conversation but I'm really embarrassed and I don't want you to put it on the internet. Oh, Katie booty, booty. Booty boo-boo.

There's a very good episode. You were very in her very interesting. A feel like I just bragged about how good I was at school for like an hour. And I feel like I'm going to hurt a lot of people's feelings because I know there's a lot of people with ADHD who struggle with school and I feel really, really bad and really guilty about it and I'm going to cry because I'm almost on my period.

It's fine. Well, you know, Cody I mean So, I'm a person who struggled with school, like always always, every, whether it was elementary school, or the, you know, quarter semesters of Community College that ended up doing. And the feeling that I'm feeling is not judgment or oh, my gosh. This person is just been bragging for an hour. My feeling is curiosity, how the fuck did you do it?

I mean, I do not like I I'm curious I have questions basically and so we don't questions because we still have like hysterically speaking, we bullshit. Round for the first like 20 minutes. So we still have a little bit of time. That's what's your, what's your question? I want to know. What are your questions? Well so my my main question is just what was the worst part about having ADHD in that experience?

Like knowing what you know. Now about yourself and about ADHD, where did ADHD rear its head during those times? When did you have to deal with it and how did you deal with it? That's a really good question, I think. For me, it was the dichotomy of being incredibly good at school but like not being able to do things like, stay organized because like on, like, novel, vulnerable time.

Going to cry, it's fine. Um, but like I've told the story before, but like, I had my desk dumped repeatedly in school, like, my teacher would literally come over to my little, like, you know, little square desk with like the little cubby and pick it up and just throw all of my shit. The floor and just make me like sit on the floor and gather up all of my stuff and like, organize it. But my system was my system and like that happened.

Probably Twice a month for like, at least my entire third grade year, which all the way also like this doesn't matter but like I'm not going to say her name. But if she's listening to my podcast, fuck you fuck you for doing that. Fuck you for calling me. Four Eyes, fuck you for dumping my desk. I was a child and you were an adult and you mercilessly bullied me for that. Entire school year, for no good goddamn Breeze, and under the guise of it was super funny.

Fuck you. And that time that you saw me in the Free store and you are like, oh my God you were always my favorite student, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you forever. Thank you, I'm fine. I've got that out. But yeah, like so about that was like formula tip for me was like the the desk dumping thing because like I learned that like, I could be as good as I wanted in school. I could be as great at school as I wanted.

And I was like, I was, I was very good at school and I'm a very talented writer like and I think some of that comes from my ADHD. Because I tend to like kind of go like big brain and I can like just think of a story on the spot, you know, that kind of thing but at the same time like I would I was always getting screamed at for like my room not being as clean as my mom wanted it to be. I was always getting screamed at for having a messy Locker.

I was always getting in trouble for having a messy desk like and so yeah like for me it was it was the dichotomy, it was the dichotomy of being so successful and so good and honestly sometimes being proud of that like that, That pride of like I got the best grade in the class or I know that I know the answer, but then looking in my locker looking at my backpack or looking in the backseat of my car and going like I'm never gonna have my life together, like I've never gonna be, I'm

never gonna be able to do it all, but I would just keep trying because like maybe if I was president of the Honor Society that would fix my problem, maybe if I was the star of the softball team that would be that would solve my problem.

Maybe, if I was a star of the musical that would solve my problem and so Everything that I ever did, I was very, very successful at but my room is so messy and my locker was still dirty and I would still, you know, lose the permission slips, and the homework and all of that stuff. And so yeah, it was that that I think is my answer is just living with that absolute painful dichotomy of being told over and over and over that I'm special and I'm brilliant and

I'm whatever. But at the same time, feeling like an abject, fuck up, because the adult authority figures in my life. Conflated. Things like my lack of focus and my disorganization. And my like constant talking in class as like, I was bad. I was a bad kid, was bad kid. I was a bad student. She's great. She's assured. Her papers are so good and she researches so well, but she can't focus. She can't, she can't, you know, she talks over other kids in class like you have to do

something. Hmm, that's it. Well, Katie, I'm sorry. I won't apologize in advance for the question about to ask you, but I want you to answer honestly, if you can, okay, what would you say to that Katie? Now. Oh, God. Fuck you. You made me cry when you cry. I cry. K a credible. It's okay. I would tell that Katie that you are fuck you for making me cry. I would tell that Katie that you are enough. You are enough, as you are.

You don't have to keep trying, so fucking hard to prove that you are worthy of love that you deserve love. Like, I would tell her that the life that you are about to lead is extraordinary and it is Full of incredible people and incredible experiences and everything.

Everything, you choose everything that you focus on for two days or two weeks, or two months, like, at some point in your life, you're going to look back and you go up that Egypt phase panned out for me. And now I know a lot about Egypt and I can talk about this Egypt with this hot archaeologist, shouldn't have a really interesting night together, everything everything that you do.

It is, it's worth it. It's worth it for the experiences that you get for the, for the for just like the passion that you have never apologize for your passion, never apologize for being excited or interested. And for all of the people who criticize you and tell you that you are not enough or that you are bad and you are wrong, they are wrong, they're wrong, they're wrong, they will continue to be wrong and it's weird. It's weird realizing that the Grown-ups in your life or wrong,

it's realizing it's weird. Realizing the grown-ups in your life are treating you poorly but you'll get through it and you wind up with a podcast where you get to tell other people that they're not broken and they're not wrong. And so all that hurt, all that shame, all that anger works out in the end. Just not in the way you expect. You're still not Comic-Con famous though. So how was Brendan Fraser by the way? I'll burn it for ages. Fuck great school.

Just want to check, and I haven't seen you in a while. Run. Run my best friend forever. That's what I call him. It's fine. This is just amazing. Thanks for this, man. What was that? So those are those are good into the podcast. Thanks for answering my question. I'm sorry to spring it on you, and I didn't think of it. You've tuned in to infinite Quest the podcast. Of course you didn't tune in, you've selected it from your digital device and hit play

intentionally. He can't tune in anymore. That's old people talk. And we're hip and with-it. We are young, and so, it's all right, mr. Nichols, I can take it from here, it's because wants to thank mr. Nichols, for a being such a good sport this week because you guys mr. Nichols is just such a cool person and I'm really glad that I get to know him so well, thanks for being our prop to guest star this week, mr. Nichols. Before we go, we just want to give a big infinite quest to

thank you to our newest patrons. We have been absolutely overwhelmed by your support and really and truly, I know I say this every single week but it is because of your support that we are able to bring you educational content about ADHD and all of the other fun stuff that we're doing. And we are just so, so grateful for all of you. So this week, a big infinite Quest. Shout out, goes to Daniela and Crystal and Elaine.

Lane and Megan and Rachel and clue and Judith and Jenny and Keith. And the water is blue. Thank you all so much for becoming part of the infinite Quest family. We are so grateful for your support. And if you're interested in supporting infinite Quest, you can do that by visiting patreon.com infinite quest for more information as always. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for your support. Remember to drink some water. Remember to take your meds.

Remember to be kind to yourself and we'll see you next week from all of us. That infinite Quest. Thank you. And we love you.