075. The Importance of Resource Parents

Casa Connection Podcast. Into the world of foster care here at Casa of Somerset Hunterden and Warren Counties, better known as Casa Shaw. I am Jeff Warren, the Director of Outreach here at Casa Shaw, and we are with Hi, I'm Tracy Heisler, the Executive Director for our local program. It is great to be in your ears and we've got a great episode coming your way. Well you say that.

Exactly. Who knows? Because we just riff. We literally just riff constantly on this podcast platform here at the Casa Connection Podcast. But we're going to get into a subject matter we really have not dove into since we started the Casa Connection podcast. uh many, many moons ago at this point, and that's resource parents, or as some folks within our community will still call resource parents. Foster parents.

and the importance of who resource parents are within the foster care system. So we're gonna get into this uh discussion here. I think maybe Tracy, if we could Go back to people I people who are listening to this, not that they're gonna be confused, but they're like, Wait, you call'em resource parents, you call them foster parents for years and years and years, decades and decades, they would be called foster parents. Well, fun fact, Jeff, I actually know where this change came from.

Ooh, it's so w so we went from foster parents to resource parents. When did that happen? Well, I was a foster parent, as you know, in in Illinois and that was the only term I had ever heard. Yeah. And then we heard a shift where we s we started calling them resource parents and so we actually looked it up to see what that shift was. And there was a law in twenty thirteen in California called the Resource Family Approval Program or R F A that started in twenty thirteen and people really um

began to adopt this term resource parent nationally as a result of this legislation in California. Yeah. Yeah, and I think what's interesting is if we reflect on that word resource. Folks, if you have been listening to the Cossack Connection podcast for any uh any semblance of time, we talk about resources a lot here. And I think that is uh

Kind of the key here. You know, re resource parents. We are talking about concrete resources here at Casa Shaw a lot as well. Having resources for individuals who are within the system is really important and Key entity within the foster care system, uh, resource parents, and that word resource is in there, and it's important. Well and and the differentiation um for resource parent foster parent the resource parent is somebody who's trained and certified to be And an adoptive. Uh

Not just one or the other. Right. Um and I can tell you though the role of the the resource parent is a tough one. Um They not only are taking in somebody else's child, but somebody else's traumatized child. And trying to create a safe space for a kid who, you know, may be acting out in ways that um are unfamiliar um in raising their own children.

The other thing about resource parents, at least when I was was fostering, um, you don't always get a lot of information. And so you have these kids with blank slates of what's happened to them, so you don't really have a context. Right. Um, and I know the laws have changed to some degree that resource parents were supposed to get more information, but our experience has been that's not always the practice. Yeah.

Um and there's there's big blank voids. Yeah. Um we've had resource parents over the years who have had really important things to share with the court, but because they're just temporary resource parents. Temporary. Pro temper resource parents. Yeah. They're not always given the same weight or respect or voice, I guess. That's what I've noticed. W in working for Casa all these years. The respect.

of the resource parents. I I just I haven't seen it as much. And I know I'm a staff person here and I deal with the communications of this office, but I am a peer coordinator. I did have a case before, you know, I I I am a CASA volunteer, been through the training. But I noticed that too, that there's there's not as much respect for the resource parents.

And and I think that resource parents are often in a very difficult position and particularly if they are looking to adopt this child, there can be a a fisheye of Is your concern really based in the child's best interest or is it because you want to adopt? And and is there a different motivation for the things that you have to say? It's a really tough space to be in.

Um Well, I wanna if you don't mind uh getting to that tough space, because I do know you've told me stories of you being a resource parent, you being a foster quote, foster parent in the past. And I know from individuals' experiences here at Casa Shaw, there are really good experiences that some folks have being resource parents, but there's other times when it's not the greatest, to be honest.

We do need more resource parents in our communities, but to kind of get into the feels of what it is, if we can, that that trepidation that folks may have Because I know there are people in my community where I live that said, you know what, I would love to be a f uh a foster parent, a resource parent. But I don't know, I'm kinda scared because I don't know what I'm getting, you know? Like can you describe that at all? And like I mean that's a very real thing. It it is. You know?

As you know, I've I've worked with hundreds of children over the years and I think a lot of it really depends on what the kids have experienced, what their level of resilience is. The attachment to the biological family. Right. Um, I've seen, you know, drug addicted babies and I've have to give every accolade to the resource parents that I saw who just for hours would rock these inconsolable

Babies as they detoxed and you know, I'd go for my visit for an hour just to give'em a break and sit in the rocking chair while they just cried and cried. Yeah. There's there's no joy. Right. Um you know, and and I've I've also seen kids who had been through tremendous horrific experiences. be so attached and grateful to a safe, caring, engaged adult who provided stability and structure in their life. And I think that's that's more the norm, correct? That's more than norm.

It is because I I wanna I feel like I wanna dispel like a myth out there that all foster kids are bad, all resource kids when they come into the house are bad. People are scared. They don't know what to expect. Oh, is this kid gonna do this? Is this kid gonna have a meltdown here? What am I gonna do if that happens? But I think it's mostly positive from what I have experienced within the Casa. world. I would agree with that. But if you think about

being a resource parent, you get into it because you care about children. Right? Whether it's because you want to adopt or you just wanna be a safe space during a troubled time. But the goal is always reunification. Yeah. Right. End of the day, yeah. And and you might be hoping to adopt, but if the parent meets meets their minimum sufficient level of of care and and is able to complete their case plan. The kids are gonna go home. Yeah. Um, and that level of heartbreak

um is always right there. Yeah. Um so being a I think being an effective resource parent takes a really mature big heart.

It does and we need more of those people in our communities. You know, whether it's a i I I have seen billboards in our tri state area Specifically doing outreach, saying, you know, we need more more resource parents, you know, we need more folks to take.

Children, you know, who have been removed from their homes. Is there a way that we can describe to folks listening how they can go about doing that if they want to? Like if somebody wants to become a resource parent, how can they come how can they go about doing it? Sure. Your local state child welfare system undoubtedly has a website about what the qualifications are within your state and the common ones are over twenty-one years of age, have a clean criminal record.

have enough space within your home, not to have too many um people in your home. There's there's usually a cap and there's a square footage requirement. Um Oh, I didn't even know the square footage requirement. Okay. Children need to have their own beds and there needs to be enough square footage for them to have space.

One of the and and you have to go through a pre-service training as well. Here in New Jersey it's called Pride Training. Okay. Um but the names differ, you know, across the the different jurisdictions. Um, with obviously loc local state, federal background checks, child abuse record checks, all those kinds of things. Um being a resource parent is a tough gig. But it's also

a beautiful mission for the people for whom it's a good fit. And and I give every every accolade to good resource parents because you know what? These kids have been through so much and they need a safe space to land. Um and some Some safe harbor in the chaos. Yes. Structure. Yep. Care.

And it you know, look we've looked at it from a child's perspective many times of you know, different foods, different smells, different rules and strangers telling you what to do. Mm-hmm. But if you look at it from a resource perspective. A resource parent. They so wanna be a little bit more. Yes, they're they want to provide that foundation. It's not necessarily something that's gonna last forever, but a foundation to help propel them to what comes next.

And and and that's what's really important about resource parents, folks. who are listening and if it's something that you are interested in, I think you not only need to we talked about like the physical things that need to happen at the house, a square footage, you know, need to have a bed, but the mental the frame of mind that you need to be in to be a resource parent. Um that that needs to be there as well.

And and you know there are two two spaces that I think um are important to highlight. So I was at a conference In the last year or two, where they were highlighting a a partnership between the resource parents and the biological parents. Ah. Where they were deepening engagement and the resource parents took on like a mentoring role almost for the biological parents. And then when the transition of reunification happened

the resource parent was still there as a support for the the parents as they tried to reengage in their role as a parent, which I thought was really beautiful. Yes. And and supportive. And strategic as well from a social standpoint. I I can't believe you just mentioned that. Folks, we have no notes in front of us because that was like a perfect segue in

Something I was going to ask you. Do you have anything else on that that you wanted to dive into? Because it's a really good segue into something else that I wanted to do. Yeah. how biological parents must feel knowing that their child is with a resource family. and what that might do to Again, from a mental standpoint, what it may do to the biological parents, I'm not good enough. Somebody else now has my kid.

Are my kids going to like it there more? Are my kids going to have more resources than I am able to provide? Therefore they do not want to come home. That mentoring that you're talking about, that that a a strategic aspect of this I think could be really, really impactful in a positive way. I if it's more more mainstream, if that's more of a mainstream thing, because I think we do see that at times.

You know, where there's that I'll I guess I'll just say it, the jealousy perhaps of a bio uh mother or father uh seeing what is done over at the resource house and they're just not able to provide it and just what that balance must try to be like. And and you have to to look at it from a resource parent perspective of making yourself vulnerable enough that the parents know where you live. Right, right. Your phone number.

I can see a space where it's not always the best met. Right. The other thing I was going to mention was the at least here in New Jersey, we've seen a significant increase in children being placed with kin, with relatives um, who are serving as resource parents for these children. I think we're seeing that across the country too. And I think so too.

other variables, right? On the one hand, it's so awesome for kids to be with family who know their history, who know their customs, who know they speak their language, who, you know, are they culturally a fit. Right. But on the other hand, there's also history there. And yeah, my crazy sister Sharon, she's been high since she was twelve.

And and and every time they mess up you know, there's that running record and commentary of how you're a big screw up as a parent and now I have to raise your kid. Yes. Mm. Yeah. So That's very real. Yes. So finding that space um where there's good cooperation and respect and communication between the biological parent and the caregiver, whoever that is.

Um, and support for the caregiver, particularly when kids have meltdowns after home visits or you know, with their or visits with their parents or Who are like I had a case where this one little girl couldn't go to the bathroom unless the resource parents stood outside the door to guard it. Right. Um

Those are very real challenges. Um, but you can make a difference in the life of a child by helping them to feel And this is why casa is so important, because we can be the conduit to having this all come together. Quite frankly, and I'm not meaning to to speak poorly about anything, but usually county agencies don't have the bandwidth really to be able to facilitate.

And that's why CASA's so important because through our volunteers and through resources we have, we're able to in training, we're able to help facilitate that that positive communication. And you know, I have always looked at CASA and communicated to our advocates in pre service. I see us as the hub of a wheel. All these different agencies are the spokes. Yeah. And all that information should funnel back to the hub for us to be able to Collate it and share it with the court.

Absolutely. Well, do you have anything else here? This is a great episode. This is a fantastic went quick here. I'm looking at the time here and I'm like, wow, we gotta start wrapping things. Up here. I I I I think it's an important discussion for us to have. And hopefully in the future, we'll still be able to talk about resource families, resource parents.

what they mean with regard to the overall foster care system because sometimes, like we said at the top, I think sometimes they uh they they aren't uh they're ignored at Yeah, and and and our system couldn't function as it does without the help of resource parents. And Um, you know, as you know I've been doing this for twenty five years now, and there have only been a handful of bad resource parents that I've encountered in that time.

And so I just want to give a shout out and a thank you to all of those resource parents out there who are serving so selflessly on behalf of these children. They they need you. And we're grateful to you for being that safe harbor for them. It's a great way to end this episode. We hope that you will share the Casa Connection podcast with others.

your network head on over to our website kasashaw.org we've got a lot of resources a lot of great information for you to just absorb you can head on over to youtube and search Casa Shaw subscribe to our YouTube channel we've got a lot of great videos up uh specific our family video series that you can watch and We've got a lot of great things that we're going to be talking about in the future here on the Casa Connect.

being said everyone take care We'll catch you on the next Casa Connection podcast. Have a great