The Gary Before Christmas

Twas the Gary before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a wall was left standing
Not even this louse

The drywall was hung
With a belch and a swear
No MHIC either
He just doesn't care

The children were horrified
hiding in their bed
The reviews of his work
Oh, what they read

Passed out at the library
A filthy redneck
We' re calling our lawyer
Just look at our deck!

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see
What was the matter

When what to my wondering eye
Should appear?
He knocked over my mailbox
And he's drenched in cheap beer

Out of the cab he fell
So angry and drunk
He cussed up a storm
And wow he sure stunk

He asked for down payment
On work to be done
I asked for his license
He said he had none

I told him to go
Gooobye and goodnight
He threw up and said
"Hey you wanna fight?"

As the cab drove away
And I wished him to hell
"We just hired a crackhead"
As the front gutters fell.