You're Not Even a Citizen???

those priority this week. How I'm gonna do it is I'll do for the first two weeks out of the month, I'll do voice notes, and in the last two weeks out of the month, I'll do the red stories because I still want you guys to send in paragraphs or whatever. I joke and play. When I say, you guys, don't punctuate. I can read through it and I can make sense of it unless you just playing damn slow. All right, get your ship together. We're gonna start off, jump straight

into it. Here we go. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I've been listening to since episode one of this podcast, and girl, I love you. I love you, Rails. I missed just with the mess, but I know why you stopped doing it with your son and Chadwick, and I respect that. But anyways, my mass is family related, and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it

really could get. So I have a cousin, and me and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins, similar age, and we got to be older, you know, groups mingo, I have a date his friends, he would did a few of my friends. Always was you know. That's how it went. As we got a little older, it started to seem like he wanted to kind of shut me out but still dat my friends. So I had a friend and at the time, he had a child on the way, and I invited my friend to

a family event. She met my cousin, unknowing to me. They exchange numbers. Fast forward a few weeks later, him and his baby's mother fell out because she went through his phone and found messages of him and my friend. When I approached my friend about it, she kind of told me, basically, it's none of your business. I didn't tell you it's not your business, So I left it at that. Um From there, she kind of just distanced herself from me and let it be known that she

didn't want to be my friend no more. Basically, she got what she was there for. So that was the end of our friendship. My cousin and I never really mended things back to where we were, but you know, feeling his family and I still was around him here and there. He meets another friend of mine, the same

thing things go left with them. She's actually a closer friend of mine, and she tells me what he actually says about me when he's with her, the things he says about me, and gives me insight on why every time he dates one of my friends they stopped being my friend. He was going as far as saying anything

that you hear from my cousin, don't believe it. Just completely assassinated my character, just attacking me and making me out be somebody I wasn't because he was a piece of ship, to say the least way, cheating, running around and always assumed that I was going to be the reason why he got caught up instead of realizing that everything you do when the dark comes to the light.

So now after I'm aware of this is what he says about me, I've just sense myself even more the girl that I was originally friends with that stop being friends with me has been in the background all this time, and now she's pregnant, he's gotten himself into legal trouble, and she's going to be dealing with a child on

her own for a bit. I have history with that particular situation, not with the child, but with having the loved one go away because of the law, and I'm battling should I reach out to her After everything I've done, I've lost two good friends behind my cousin, but essentially

those were not my friends. I've come to terms with that also that if they were supposed to be my friends, they'd be in my life, and it's you know, I I take responsibility for still allowing him to be on my friends, but I also understand that again, if they

were my friends, they would be there. I respect the second one more because she at least was honest with me about it, But I'm battling with the fact that the first one is carrying a child that is a part of my blood, and then also knowing what she's gonna be dealing with because my cousin is going to be away, and I don't know if I should reach out, or if I should just be like, bitch, fuck you, this is your karma from five years ago, because I

told you why, it's not the funk with him. Help me, Jess, help me girl. Girl. First of all, I just want to say, you sound just like Gabrielle Union girls. Where to God you got the Gabrielle Union voice. Hey, you sound like somebody else, but that is not why you're writing me today, all right, So anyway, let's get into it. I love your voice, by the way, girl, the raspiness, Girl, I listen. I ain't weird and nothing like that. I

just love certain voices, girl, and yours is one of them. Okay, So you can go about this two different ways now, and you would be totally within your right, well within your right to pick either one. Now. The fact that he does have a child on the way, and he is by the first friend who was gonna be destined to get that karma one way or another. This is

still your blood. So I can tell that you're a family person, you know, like you said, you and your cousin were raised as siblings, you know, and you see that a lot in families period. You know. I was gonna say black families. But I mean because that's the only race that I've seen it, and because that's the only race I am. But we do that. You know, my cousin London was raised as my sister. You know

my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother. And we are big on family, a very big family oriented family. So I do understand that. Now, although you and your cousin are not as tight as you guys used to be thanks to the females and all the ship that he does or whatever, you seem to still have a certain attachment. You always have him in your heart somewhere because you guys were raised together. It's a lot of history there now. Just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all were like

siblings slash cousins. So I get it. That's a bond there. It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it's still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to see his child grow beautifully and you know healthy. I know you would love to be there for the birth. I can just tell. I can hear it in your voice. You love your cousin still and you would love anything that he produced and that and that would be a

baby and your first friend child. Now, listen, I ain't gonna let my personal experiences and how I feel about it dictate how I speak to you with this situation, because I'm not gonna be biased at all. But Karma was definitely knocking at her door. She answered it, she got it. I would only reach out to her if it is only about the baby, just to be honest with you, because females like that, they don't tend to change. And she was already grown when she made this big,

gass grown decision at her big age. And then your cousin just moves so recklessly. He didn't never seem to be serious with either of your friends. It's just females that he was just fucking And you were forewarning these girls and they're still just going along with it, you know, like all whatever, whatever, because I bet he find it's hell, ain't he? I bet he fucking fine? Child? Please, But

what's significant about your story is his family. I get a lot of relationships, stories and questions and and things that I would advise people on, but this is family, and so this is a little bit more delicate, you know, because y'all are always going to be blood. I want to know have you talked to him since he's been in jail, because obviously that's where he is. You said

he got into some legal trouble in this girl. She will be raising the baby on her own for a while, and then he has another baby as well, because he had a girlfriend the whole time he was sucking with your friends. Man, niggas everywhere. Well he was everywhere and now he is in one place for a long time. But um, have you talked to him? Has he written you? Has he wrote you? Has he you know? Is there are there letters? Like? Because I think that you should

speak to him first as well. I mean it's not not to ask his permission about the baby, but I think you should kind of bridge that gap to reconcile, be the bigger person and kind of get through to him a little bit. Like, look, man, we were raised a particular way. We were raised as brother and sister. Okay, we got older, we went our separate ways, and you know, you started dating my friends, and you know you you're a womanizer, You're not really a loyal, faithful guy. So yes,

I told my friends. I was forewarning my friends. I didn't want to see my friends hurt. You're always going to be my cousin. You were in a relationship, for God's sake, so I was actually trying to save you two and save the damn girl that you were with who had your baby. You know at that time, do you walk around get one of my friends pregnant, wasn't

even with her. Then you fuck enough one of my friends and the cycle would have probably still been going on today if you were physically able to fund more friends of mine. I don't think you should blame yourself for any of this, Honey. I heard you say, you know, it's my fault that I put him around my friends. Now, all people are people, it's social. You could be around women that Nigga can be around women without sickeness, dick in one. It don't matter. No, that's not your fault.

You're not his supervisor. You don't have to supervise his interactions with women just because they're your friends. You shouldn't feel that. I think you should reach out to him, Definitely have a conversation with him and just be real and told him you have this baby on the way by. You know one of my former friends, and I want to reach out to her. I don't know how you're

feeling about it. Do you think it's yours? First of all, baby, find out if because you know, these bitches ain't ship, maybe lie and we know what type of friend the first one is, so we don't know. But find out if the baby is his, and see if he even thinks it his or whatever. And out of the love for the baby would be the only fucking reason that I would reach out to her. But to be honest, if I can give you my like what I would do, I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. I wouldn't.

You're gonna get to know the baby, you're gonna grow up. And then that friend may even have animosity towards you, because nobody likes to meet the person that told them that they would be here one day and they're actually there.

Nobody likes that I told you so. And even though you're probably not that type of person, she's gonna feel that off the rip, and she's gonna already be probably bitter towards you because now she's in to such a waition that she never thought she would be in had she listened to her friend that one year she wouldn't be here but yes, it's out of the the cookie crumbles. So only if it's about the baby, if the baby

is his. But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But check back in with me, girl, check back in now. We got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Alright, moving on, guys, Hi, juss I had a question for you. I recently ended my relationship of a year and a half with a man. We lived together. We don't have any children together, but he was very close with my children. He didn't have any children of his own. But I

end up the relationship for a couple of different reasons. One, I had helped him apply for a better job because he wasn't he was working a minimum wage job, and through that I found out that he was not a US citizen, and so he lied to me about his citizenship, which is a red flag for me because I'm in the military and that could have affected me and my clearance to I ended the relationship because over a year and a half, I never got to meet his family,

even though they're here locally, and that's a reflect to me because I want a family who's going to embrace me, my children and just the lying and all that. But I still feel so bad about ending the relationship because I still have love for him. How am I able to move on from this? Because it wasn't like it ended nasty per se. It was just I got to a point where I couldn't accept what was happening anymore because that was a huge lie. And then the family

thing really threw me off. But my question to you is how can I move forward and moving on from this relationship. I could really use any advice that you have. Thank you so much. I love you and your comedy. Oh you're so sweet. Thank you girl. I appreciate that. I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate

what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes, they're there's no way that he could have possibly thought to not eventually tell you the truth when he realized, like how detrimental ship could have gotten for you and your family, Like you said, they could have affected your clearance.

That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. Now, I do understand sometimes people keep these type of things from people just protecting themselves from being broken up with or you know, from being looked that crazy or being deported, or but you loved him. You know, you are in a relationship for over a year and a half, so you think I'm gonna be with you and you don't tell me about this ship, but I gotta find out

because I'm actually trying to help you work, girl. So what I would say, what could also be an option, is that he knew that the only way that he could be granted citizenship is if he could get married. I think that he probably wanted to you you, to marry him, really really fall in love with you, because he probably didn't have any money because you obviously you said he was. He was trying to get him a job.

You know, usually people come over here and they pay for someone to marry them so they can get their card. You know what I'm saying. I know lots of people that has has done it. That's a real thing. But because he knew he didn't have any money, he just chose to do it the more fucked up way. And I think he still felt for you. I'm not saying

you don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't the initial agenda upon meeting you, and you're in the military and all that, because that could be the only reason why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you about that ship, like you and your family could be going through some ship right now because he didn't keep it up front with you. That's not good to even put you and your kids at jeopardy like that. So do you really love me? Was this year and a

half fake or what? Like? I need some fucking answers, you know what I'm saying? Like that, that is me speaking as you demanding for answers. They're like, just be honest with me. I already love you, We already did the work in the relationship. Is this real? Do you love me? Or did you just have a plan to be granted citizenship and you use me to do so eventually? Because like you said, you want a family, So I know you have talked about marriage, y'all had to. I

don't even have to ask you that. I know that because you want a family, you want his family to accept your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a fucking year and to something that may not be a lot of time. That's a lot of time to me, especially if you're around my kids and and you know you know my family and I don't know yours. Yes, that's a red flag, Yes, ma'am. Why the hell didn't I get to meet your mom? Why the hell can't I meet your family? What what he said to you?

You said they're locally here. Did he ever give you an answer on why he hasn't let you meet them yet, or he hasn't introduced you or even you know what I'm saying. Have you ever talked to his mother on the phone? Have you ever even seen him face time? Just anything? If not for real, then my point is proven to be true. He never really had any real mm hmm, any real plans on keeping you around once y'all got married, You got that green called girl, that

boy was gonna be out. And I really honestly believe that. I really honestly believe that, because why the hell haven't you met his mom and his other family. I'm very very sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry for you and your babies because I know that they've already gotten to know him obviously, I mean ship they had to, they had to get to know him. I do want to extend an apology, like, oh my god, I hate that you're going through that and you don't deserve it.

But I think that you should let it go because it's already a year and a half of your time wasted. And the reason why because I know you love him. The reason why I say wasted is because I want to open your eyes to what funk I think he was really trying to do. And I know you had to think it in the back of your mind, but because you love him, you probably didn't want to face it that that's what he was doing, right that was

his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda. It was a motive behind all this love and this relationship and all that. I think it's best for you to leave, I do while you put a whole year and a half in it, and that is not a short amount of time. I don't think it's an extremely long amount of time for you to leave that ship alone right now, because imagine y'all could be five years in and then this motherfucker's life and then it's the

way you found out. You found out because you were trying to help him get a job, so he would have never told you this. You understand what I'm saying. You would have never told you this. That could be another reason why he didn't want you to meet his family either. Now they might tell it and I'm not here on it, you know, or unless the family was down with the plan from the jump, come here and meet somebody, marry them, and then you can be with

us forever or whatever the fuck. You know. I'm really frustrated that she's going through this ship, So don't mind, my curson, and I'm very sorry about that. But check back in with me. You are way way wait, wait to deserve and of something else, of something more than to be dealing with this. Check back in with me, girl. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. That's some bullshit, y'all. Like, I really don't like that. I don't like that for

her at all. You never know who you're sleeping with, You never know who you're sucking dealing with. You never know. She was in a relationship with this man for eighteen months and he lied. Now what I want to know and she didn't tell me, was when she found out was that recently? Was that when she just broke up with him? Is that what she just broke up with him for or did she continue to be in a

relationship with him? Because she says she just can't deal with it anymore, that means that she was actually trying to deal with it. And you see what we do as women. I can't say men do this, because I'm not a man. I don't know, but I know women do this. We often. I'm gonna say it right, I'm gonna just saying the way I know how to say it, and then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want to take it. We actually will dem our happiness for someone else's and I actually spoken this before in the

previous episode. We'll dem our happiness and even be a little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to be happy for our man, or our women, or our husband or our wife. Like we we will do that. Why why why why? Why why should you being happy cost me any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I don't really think that love is difficult. I don't think that love is working. And listen, I'm actually contradict to myself because in previous episodes I've said this, love is hard.

Love is work. Love is no. Love is what you make it. It's not the love. And I was just talking to my best friend about this. Take this, and I'm in this episode. It's not that love is hard. It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking

be with somebody, you ain't got yourself together. So now you're trying to offend for two and you mentally don't even know what the funk you want or you don't know what the fund is going on with you. You've got issues that you don't even know you have, and you don't even see the issues until somebody else is there to ignite that ship in you. That's your significant other. When you jump in these relationships, people don't know themselves

until they get with somebody else. Because people, you have to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh ship, this is what I'm doing this? Why are you acting like this? Because what I'm doing And then sometimes that's

even dangerous. That's why you gotta make sure you know who you are and you get all your ship together before you try to be with another motherfucker, because now that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these issues now that you never even knew you had before, Now you blame it on the other person because none of this was happening. I wasn't like this until I met you know, you were like this. You just what, never

with nobody that showed you this ship. It's deep, it gets deep, it gets deep, and that's why a lot of people need therapy before they get in relationships. You can't take two funked up people, put them in a relationship, and then now they go seek counseling together. Na, No, no no, no, because y'all just learning how to be together. You're not even learning how to be alone yet. When you know how to be alone, that's when you can fathom learning

how to be together with someone else. If you can't be alone, that's scary because you ain't always gonna be with your partner. So what the funk will you do when you're alone? You'll go crazy. People don't understand that it's deep, and I could go deeper, but y'all gonna have to wait untill next week. And just like that, we come to the end of this episode with your Girl just hilarious. Carefully Reckless. Y'all need to tune in each and every Wednesday, seven am and watch Reckless only

on YouTube every Wednesday seven pm. Catch it tonight. Happy Holidays and happy New Year. Found talk to y'all. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.