You Are Not the Father

mess to fix. All right, We're gonna jump right in. We do not have voice memos again this week, because I said, these people is these these females and these males, they're catching on, y'all voice, y'all, they're catching on. So y'all might have to go back to just strictly typing unless you don't care. Here we go. I've been raising my ex wife's daughter for over fifteen years. She's nineteen now.

She doesn't know that I'm not her real father, and up until recently, I haven't had any problem doing so. But her mother and her family all of a sudden wants to invade and come in between me and my daughter when they didn't care or help me raise her in the first place. I want custody of her and

my other children after the divorce. I'm stuck going through this inside battle of whether or not I should inform her that I'm not her real father, or should I just keep it quiet, because lately she's been interacting with her mother and that side of the family more and she's acting different. So that's all he said. All right, all right, now, listen, I just want to first and

foremost say thank you, brother for submitting your story. You are a man, and I often say men do not open up and they do not open up to women. So I want to first and foremost recognize you for being vulnerable enough to give me this story, you know, and to let me hear your story or whatever, because I know this is not something that you would probably just go around telling people, you know, whether that be your friends, your barber, your pastor whoever you confide and

whatever guy you can fide. And I thank you for coming to me. Okay, now, this is not your biological daughter, but you have raised her for fifteen years. You met her mother and she was four when you met her mother, you married her mom, and you took her on as one of your children, and you have other children biologically with her mother as well. Who was your wife? Who is now your ex wife? All right now, from what I just read, it seems like you are currently in

the middle of the divorce. Let me ask you a couple of questions, because you gave me a short breath, you got straight to the point. But I just have a little bit of questions and I would like for you to follow up with me in this. So what

first of all caused you to to split? If you don't mind me asking that, if it has nothing to do with you know, your daughter you feel like or you know, if it has nothing to do with why you think your ex wife is acting this way, you know, putting stuff in your daughter's head, because that's what could be going on. If you feel like the re and that you guys end it doesn't have anything to do with how your daughter is acting now or what your wife could have your ex wife could have told her,

then we don't have to go into it. But why what ended you? Guys? Also, do you think that her mother has reconvened not reconciled, but I mean reconvene, like just reach out with her ex and this is your daughter's biological father. Do you think that there has been some conversation between your ex wife and him that what prompt him to want to meet his daughter or be

in his daughter's life. Or do you think that your ex wife is just being bitter trying to take the only child that's not biologically yours from you because she knows that's a way to hurt you. You have to think of all these things, you know, and then you didn't quite ask me a question as it relates to advice, But I think that you will want to know where

you go from here. It's gonna be hard getting custody of your daughter because she's not by logically yours, and we know how fucked up the court system can be and unfair they can be when it comes to situations like this. Unfortunately, she would have to sign her rights over to you because you are not baby girl's real father, you know, biological I don't want to say real father, because you are indeed a real father to her. I

don't have a doubt about that in my mind. You're sitting here telling me you want to get custody of her, and you've raised her for fifteen for fifteen years when nobody else did anything, and you stepped in and you did that, and that little girl is always going to love you for that. But I also can't ignore when you said she is now acting funny. Now take into account her age. She's nineteen. She's just seen her parents split. You know, you two, you and her mother, you got split.

I don't know how nasty the divorce was. I don't know how much she was exposed to. I don't know if she saw the negative of it and didn't see it in a positive light. You guys were together since she was or you are all she knows, you know. So I don't know if this divorce is playing a big part in how she's acting. You know, maybe she just wants you two together. Maybe people are putting things

in her head. She's been spending a lot of time with her mom in that side, and and you know, she may be even getting a little curious because she may have heard someone say that, ain't your dad, that's just your your mom's ex husband. You were already here when she met your father. You know what I'm saying, you were already here when she met you. Know your name. I don't want to say your name. Well, actually don't know it, but you know, I want to keep this

all anonymous. I think also another way to look at her acting funny and you being a little up in the air with telling her that you're not our real father, her biological father, in her seeking whoever he is or whatever. I think that you should look at it this way. I watch a lot of paternity court and honey, and that is not your life. I'm not trying to, you know, and inflict anything on you or project what I have seen on you, because I don't know your situation up

and down, back and forth, inside and out. I know what you told me, But you have to leave room for a child who never knew or never have been close or had a close relationship with one of her biological parents. You have to leave room for them to want to do that, to grow up and actually want to know who their real dad is, especially if someone already put that bug in their ear that ain't your real dad, so and so ain't your real dad. That's going to open me up to you know, me speaking

as your daughter. That's going to open me up to, oh, well, who is my real dad? And it's going to be no love loss for my dad that has raised me, the only dad that I've known. But I would like to know where I come from. I would like to know why I act this way sometimes and I don't get it from my mother. I would like to know why the other half of me is this way and it's not like you, dad. Maybe she has questions that she would like to ask this man, why haven't you

ever come for me? Why did you let another man take on the role of my real father? Why did you let another man raise me? But what happened? What did I do? You know? Maybe she just has these questions. She's nineteen, you know, so she is growing into a young adult, and she is well entitled to know her

biological father. This may not be something that you want to hear, and then, you know, it could be many reasons why you don't even want her to go down that road or why you don't you know, don't think it's it's suitable for her to meet him or to take him on as a dad or start a relationship with him. You may know things about him. Let me put her in danger, you know, You may know things about him that that's not good for her, that you

don't want her to be exposed to. You may not just want her to be let down again because this man has done this shit to her before for a fucking fourteen years. So I do understand why you're trying to protect your baby girl. She is definitely entitled and well within her right to know who her biological daddy is, and that doesn't take anything from you. I think you need to go and take your baby to lunch, and you need to talk to her and try to get

inside of her head. You've been raising her for the last fifteen years. You know her, you know her, you know that's how you're able to see that she's acting funny. Take her and sit her down and talk to her. That's your daughter. She may not be yours biologically, but you are her daddy. So I think that you should talk to her without her mom. Without you know, she's old enough to understand everything that you'll ask her, Ask her what's going on, and get inside of her mind.

Let her know you'll always be there for her, but let her know it is indeed her decision if she wants to meet her real father. I think you should be honest with her and tell her that, no, I am not your biological father, but I raised you since you were four. I cannot stop looking at you like you're not mine. You are mine, but I'm willing to share you with your biological dad if that's what you want, Because at the end of the day, it's all about her.

Forget the wife or you know, forget her mom, forget you know. This is about you and your baby and whatever she wants, you have to support her in that. So I want you to do that, and I want you to answer those questions for me, write me back, update me if you can, and if you want to. Like I said, you're already doing something that you probably don't usually do, and that's open up about your personal life. You know so, and I totally commend you on raising

someone else's child as yours. Honestly, that's why a lot of men don't get married to women with a lot of kids, or even just one kid. My son's dad don't even like dating women with children, as if he ain't got eighty five of them. But sometimes that's just the man's preference, and we have to respect that, just like we have to respect a woman's preference, we have to respect a man's preference as well. Talk to her,

talk to your baby. You seem like you want well, you mean well, and you seem like you do well by her. You do great by her. So I'm check back in with me. Thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back moving on. Oh look, did she getting straight to the point. Honey? She said, I need in baby daddy got weird after I bossed up and got a tax company. He's in the streets and was taking care of me. Now I'm making my own bag and he even acting

funny with my son. Helped me with like thirty two exclamation points. Okay, so girl, you gave me a little bit, but I understand what you gave, but you could have gave me a little bit more. Girl. I need to figure girl, I'm gonna get your ass all right. So you said your baby daddy got weird after you bossed up and got your own company. You got a tax company. Okay, cool, So for everybody who needs their taxes done. Damn, I

can't even put your business out there. I can't even you know, help you grow your business, get you some clients, because this is anonymous and I will not say your name. Okay, okay, you have a tax company and your baby daddy is in the streets on the other hand, so he is doing his thing out there in the streets or whatever, and he was taking care of you. But you bossed

up on him and you you went legit. You wanted a legitimate business, and I guess he got tired of you not needing him anymore, is what it sounds like, because he wanted you to need him. Guys really like that. They wanted to have a sense of power and not saying want to control you. But maybe that's really what it was about him. He wanted he wanted you to need him for something. You have his child, so that's an obligation right there. That's an attachment factor right there.

You guys have a baby and you said your son, So your baby boy, he's not even doing anything for him anymore because he's very spiteful and bitter at the fact that you bossed up and now you don't need him. I feel like you're leaving some shut out. I feel like something is it that that ain't that ain't unless he ain't in his right mind, he should want his

baby mama to boss up legitimately. That could motivate him to get off there, or even to clean his money, as they say, because you know how a nigga always want to clean his money baby through somebody that's legit. However, you ain't say all of that. You ain't say a lot of shit, and I think you're keeping it away. You asked me to help you. I don't know how to help your ass. I mean, you ain't telling me nothing. You ain't telling me nothing, and I know you ain't,

and I don't care. So I ain't gonna give you no advice as of right now until you come back and you let me know the real all right, you let me know exactly what's going on. What did you do to him? What did he do to you? What do you think it is other than you bossing up? Did you meet somebody? Did he find out that she was sucking with somebody else? Did you go back to

an X? Did you something? Did you constantly put him down when he was in the streets when you went legit when you got your tax company, did you down him because he was still in the streets? Did you try to degrade him in any way because you said he took care of you. He took care of you, because if that happened, he could in return feel like, oh bitch, I was saying, can you wasn't You weren't shriving off the street money when it was taking of you? You know what I'm saying. When you was living the

lavish lifestyle. I don't know how lavish it was, but you said he took care of you. You didn't have anything to say about it, or maybe you did as something to say about it, but you ain't had that much to say where you wanted me to stop because you were being taken care of. Now you get your business, and that was fuck me, tell me what happened, because there's something you ain't saying, baby girl. And when you do give me more clarity, I will help you fix

your mess up and down. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen, moving on, I'm submitting my story and I don't think anyone can fix this mess at all. My kids. Dad is only top tier when we are fucking period. He thinks he can just get whatever he wants regarding our kids and disappear when he wants, pay what he wants, get them when he wants,

throws court up in my face. He done been with multiple stalker women, women that have threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror. I want nothing more for us to be friends and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb he's being. We used to be able to co parent to a degree. Now it's all bad. I really need a phone conversation to provide detail. But we need Jesus and a public eye. Well, first

of all, you're gonna have to pick. You can't have Jesus and a public eye all at the same time, because it gotta be something private enough for you to get this shit together behind closed doors and then bring it to the forefront so y'all can be ready to teach others who's going through this ship right now that y'all going through. So you find Jesus first and then a public eye in that order, is what I'm talking about.

But first we're gonna start with me trying to fix your mess, all right, So in the beginning, that was very interesting. I think I read a story like this before you say no, you don't think nobody can fix this at all. And listen, that tells me that it is fresh and new because you wanted to just be over with like a snap of a finger, and it don't go like that. You and this man obviously have been together for a long time. You guys not only

have one kid, you have kids. And what I mean when I say fresh, I mean you guys are freshly done, not just fresh meeting each other. I'm talking about y'all can't seem to let each other go. And that's probably where the women comes in. He's trying to use the women as a distraction to get over you because you're still fucking him. Like you said, he's only compliant when we're fucking stop fucking him and stand on it and

stand by it. You know, feelings get all involved and shit, and you probably a little bit more over him than he is over you. So he gets upset every time you go sleep with him, thinking that it's hope for y'all to get back together. And when you shut it down, he shut you down and the kids, which is not bad. I'm not justifying it. Believe that pussy out of the equation. Girl, you better wrap that snap and turt up. Get a damn turtleneck for it. You don't need to be sleeping

with him. You know he hain't in his right mind. Shit, he got bitches threatening your damn babies. All of that. Now, I don't think that he would ever let me ask you that. I don't even know, y'all, But do you think he would let actually let a woman hurt you guys children? You know your children. Do you think that he would actually really do that? Or if this is

something just to get back at you? You know what I'm saying, because I feel like he is very bitter because and then I can't even say he better because you're the one leading them on. I think I think you don't know how strong that shit is in between your legs. I really feel like you don't know. I feel like you use him for sexual convenience and he wants more, and I feel like you're done there, or

you use him for is sex. You just want him to be a great daddy to your kids and a great daddy in the bed every now and then, which you can't have that, and expect for him to act saying I need for you to cut all of that shit out that you got going on. That's where it starts, but on a more serious, serious series. And I was serious about everything I say. I trust and believe. But on a more serious, serious note, he needs to check

the women that he is bringing around the kids. I wouldn't be okay with no other woman being around my children. If you're threatening my children, you know that means he doesn't have his children's best interest. And have you brought this up to him? Have you guys talked about it? Like like what is it? And then how is he throwing court up in your face? Court? Court? Court? Like? What is he threatening to take the children? As he

threatening to get joint custody? Is he threatening to take you down to How does he threaten you with court? I want to know that. And you said multiple stalker women? So now are they stalking you? Are they stalking you and the kids? Are they stalking him? I need to know. I need to God damn no, And are you dating somebody? I need to know that as well, because that also will play a part in his bitterness as well, because he may feel like, damn, how the fucking you just

feel like you can fuck me when you want? Then you dating this person, and they're not supposed to be just in complying over here. Just got it like he's too deep in his feelings to separate Daddy from Zaddy. I like that he's too in his feelings to separate Daddy from Zaddy. Okay, And it's like you ain't helping it, miss ma'am. And you know this man more than any of these other women know this man, So I think

you know what you're doing. You just want to be able to have your cake and eat it too, and you're not ready to assess him when he has these little temper tantrums and shit, because that's exactly what it is. You said that he continues to be a terror and you want nothing more than for you guys to be friends. It sound like y'all need to come on co parenting with me at Rome. That's what the hell is sound like.

It's sounding like that. So I need for when you update me, miss ma'am, you need to let me know where you are and how we can get you on the show. You and him then if he's willing to do so. Because you said you need a public eye, honey, I'm gonna put you in front of a public eye.

All right, I'm gonna give you the public eye. I just need for you to stop sleeping with him, especially if you really, really really want that bond with him outside of intimacy, if you really really want to look up and be like me and Rome, we're really really good friends. We will never stop being good friends. It is what it is. It's always going to be that way. If you really want that, you have to stop intimately messing with him like you. You can't sleep with him bad,

you can't. Now. If that's what you want, then go get your man, go get your baby daddy and make them your man again. But if that ain't what you want, that can't be what you end up getting when you just want some sexual pleasures. Okay, all right, so write me back and let me know. We've come to the end of the second to last episode of season two of Carefully Reckless with your Girl Jess hilarious and look,

I'll be right back. I'll be right back. So we got the last episode next week and then I'm going straight into season three. You know why, because I love y'all so much and I found my niche with this thing. I think I think I'm gonna think we're gonna be good, but I think we're gonna be good. We're gonna be all right. And with that being said in my deepest pam Boys piece, Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio

and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.