Who Taught Y'all to Type?!

thank you so much for the advice. I really needed that, especially coming from not only another black woman, but also from someone on the outside. It was his cousin that made that comment about my brother, not his brother, and I don't trust them around my daughter if I'm not around. But I can't control what my boyfriend does. If him and I split, my anxiety will go through the roof because now I'm not there to protect or defend my child.

Her dad obviously won't. H They've already made little comments about my daughter's hair. She's gorgeous and has white people hair long, beautiful and super curly, unlike her cousins their kids. I feel like they're jealous. And my boyfriend told me that his brother always had a thing for black girls. So I don't know. It's just confusing. It's a lot to deal with, and I'm tired. I don't know how to defend myself verbally. I freeze up. If I had the words, they would flow, but I don't. Okay, girl,

you need some more mess fixing ship. Oh my god. So, no, you cannot control what your boyfriend does. No, you can't. You cannot control what he does, but you can control how your child grows up. See this is a little hard for me to kind of guide you through because this is in fact his child as well. No, you cannot control what he does. No, you cannot. I don't even know the type of relationship that he has with his daughter. Does he love her? Is he kind with her?

Is he gentle with her? Is she a daddy's girl? Is he very very close with his daughter? You are thinking the right way, because no, I wouldn't want them around my child. I don't trust those people. I wouldn't trust them. You said they already made comments about her hair, and she has, as you quoted, white people hair. I would disagree with that, because that's where the curls come from. The curls actually come from you, baby, That comes from you.

White people have long, thin, stringy hair, sometimes it's thick, but they don't really have coily curls. They don't have curls. I mean, that's your DNA. Don't give them all that credit. I just want to be very clear with you about the part where you said your boyfriend told you that his brother has always had a thing for black girls. Now, that could be true, but it ain't the type of thing that we think it is. Ain't no way you had a thing for black girls, but you are constantly

verbally abusing them. There's no fucking way. You're very judgmental and and stereotypical. I don't know that he fits the mold of a racist man in my eyes, from what I gathered from your previous email and to this one. Now, are you freezing up because you don't know what to say? Or are you freezing up because you're scared, or you really don't know what to say, or you don't want to hurt their feelings, or you you're just trying to keep the commotion down. What is your reason for freezing up?

Because I can help you out with the words, Babe, I can help you out with the words, if that's all it is. I still feel like you're kind of protecting your man, protecting you know. I think you want to just keep the commotion down, but they are going

to keep disrespecting you. I don't think that you should have to live miserable because you want to give your your daughter the life of a family like that family life that because she'd be even more fucked up growing up in that setting where one side of the family secretly hates the other side of the family because of skin color, because of race. And then now it's speaking as her I am both of them. I'm white and I'm black, So I don't know which way to go.

You know, she'd be more fucked up growing up that way then growing up with Mommy in a happy place, still seeing her family, not trying to ask him out completely. But she needs to grow up in a loving environment. She's a kid, she's very innocent. She didn't actually be here. You guys made her against her will, so she doesn't deserve this. So you have to now take charge as a mom and put her first and do the best thing for her, because you obviously have not been doing

the best thing for you. So if you're not gonna do it for you, do it for your child, and that will make you want to do it for you. I'm telling you. That's my advice. Check back in. Let me know, baby girl, and listen. I just want to tell you this. I love you. I don't even know you. I love you. Though you're very strong. You're stronger than you think you are because you're dealing with this and you don't have to. I'm not praising you for dealing

with this because you shouldn't want to. You don't have to. You're a powerful, strong black woman, but you are strong for putting on this this armored skin, acting like this ship. Don't fucking bother you, acting like you can't get a bout of this ship. Younion gotta be treated like this. Check back in, babe. Moving on there, Jess, please help me with my messy ass mess. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now and have gone through a lot together, mostly due to a lot

of my drunken black out mishaps. A bit would be crazy sometimes off that damn consle. He goes, Okay, bitch, I me too, But this is not about me. This is about you. However, lately, we have been trying to openly communicate better and not keep our feelings bottled up inside. But I don't know how to approach this situation and

I need your help. We have been amazing lately, but I had gone through his phone when we weren't doing so great and we weren't even having sex at all because he isn't fucking me, he gotta be fucking somebody else. And I see he is on Tender and Facebook dating and he is in fact talking a bitches. Oh. Furthermore, he went to Vegas a couple of months ago and tried to meet up with one of his old friends and told her that he wasn't with his girl anymore.

They didn't meet up, but they faced time for about two and a half hours at three in the morning. We've been doing really well, but I have been keeping this information bottled up for weeks and just don't feel like we can move forward unless I mentioned the disrespect and him still having contact with his friend. All right, ma'am, So let's just start here. If you're ask what and so damn drunk all the damn time, you would be able to pay attention to your man, and you would

be able to see these things before they happen. Okay, listen, Drinking is cool sometimes, you know what I mean. Social drinking is cool. Occasional drinking is cool. But it becomes a problem. And you know it's a problem because you don't just drink to have a fun time. Baby, you said you get so drunk where you black out. You said drunken blackout mishaps plural. This is something that you do. This is something that he has to cope with. Whether you see it that way or not, it's hard dealing

with an alcoholic. Sorry that I called you that, but honey, drunken blackout mishaps. I think that you just admitted to me that you were an alcoholic. So while I'm not judging you because I love alcohol, I drink about five six times a week that's by day, so I'm not judging you at all. However, I don't abuse liquor to the point where I have drunken blacked out mishaps. All right, now, let's move on to him. You said you've been doing very good lately, but you found out some ship that

you didn't bring up to him. Obviously, I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about it. I think it needs to be in a very warm, calm setting, and you do not need to drink before you do this. Feel free to do whatever after, but do not drink for this because you need a clear conscience. You need to really see what his angle is. Why, what would make you make a tinder? What would make

you turn to Facebook dating? Do you need someone to just give you this attention because you said one of his old friends he went to Vegas weeks ago and he didn't even see her. He just face times, or he is looking for attention. I don't even think he's looking to be with someone based off of what I gathered here which you sent me. I don't think he's looking to replace you. I don't think he's even looking to physically sexually cheat on you. I think he is

missing that attention. You lack that in a relationship, and just like us, just like women, if we're not getting what we feel we need or that attention, you know, just the basis of a regular relationship in our relationship, and we don't want to leave, we'll look for it elsewhere. We won't leave, sometimes we will, but sometimes you just love the person that much where you want to stay. You just still lack certain ships that you know you

can get somewhere else. And then you you feel like you're fine, You feel like you're patching it up, but you really want the person that you're in a relationship to do it. So I think that, um, it starts with working on yourself, and I do think that it starts with communication. I don't think you should keep that from him that you know this, you know. I think you should go at it from a different angle and

see where that leads you. But he he wants attention, and um, I think you should sit down and have a conversation with him about that, because it sounds like you have a great relationship. It sounds like that you've commended it lots of times before telling me the small problem. This is very very small in my eyes compared to other relationships and the other hardships that people go through. Keep me updated, baby girl, Stay off the COSA, thank you,

Hold up, hold up, I noticed ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on, Hey, Joss, So I've been in a relationship with a man for twelve years. The relationship itself is okay. He treats me right, buys me things, open doors, et cetera. The problem is it's been three years and we both have children, and I've never seen what they look like. M hm damn yep. Three whole years together and all we do is sneak

around our kids. I've been to his home and he's been to mind several times, but we're always hiding one another from the kids. His are a bit older and mine are younger. Should I continue with this relationship or my waste of my time? I'm unsure if it's my age or what. But he's hiding me this long for a reason. I've met no other family either, but a

brother and a cousin. I'd love to get married one day, but I feel like the path I'm on will have me in one of those relationships old folks have where that's just my little friend for fifteen years. Well, if you are speaking this and you know that's not what you want, you shouldn't end up there. Let's just start there. You know where you don't want to end up. You clearly just said it, but you said you feel like you're going to end up there. That's actually settling and

letting yourself go. You're being in love lazy. You shouldn't do that. You're getting tired, you're giving up on your love life, and you should not ever speak that way because words are very powerful. Don't put that into your universe. You will not end up like that. Please. Okay, So I'm confused. You've been in a relationship with this man for twelve years or three years? Okay? Wait, wait, wait,

what's what's going on? Okay? So you said I've been in relationship with a man twelve years, and then you said the problem is it's been three years and we've never met each other's children. Okay, So I'm just gonna take this as a typo, because girl, that's man think Mathan. I don't care whether you've been with them for three years or twelve years. Either way, that's too fucking long for you not to know someone's children. Three years? Are

you serious? And then I'm a bit confused because you said both of you hide each other from your children, so he hasn't met yours, you haven't met his his or older, which I really don't understand because if they're older, what is keeping you from introducing me to them? What is keeping you from bringing them to see me or having us in the same vicinity. I don't know. I don't know why. Why can't we be in the same setting? And if you've been my boyfriend for three years, your

kids don't ask about me? Like do your kids know you're in a relationship you know, as their father? If you're very close and tighten it with them, they would know that you have a girlfriend. Am I correct? I don't know. Does he refer to you as a girlfriend. It's a lot of questions I have for this particular story. I don't know a baby girl? And what about your kids? Why haven't you introduced them to him? I know you said they're younger, but is this because you haven't met his?

So it's like, Okay, I won't let you meet mine because I won't meet yours. Because I don't think that's healthy either. I think that it's a waste of your time. Already you are being hitten for a reason, and obviously so was he. But it seems as if you were hitting first, so that's where your retaliation comes in at has he ever asked you about your kids? Then? When you guys have for conversations. Do you talk about your children? Because I can't imagine being in a relationship or even

fucking with somebody for three years monogamously. I can't and not know a thing about their kids. For one, I love kids. I don't know if if he does well, obviously because he has them, which also doesn't mean he loves kids. But I don't know. I just can't imagine that I want. I would like more information on that, But I do think from what you've given me, if I had to make a choice, I would say, yes,

please walk away from that. It doesn't seem like he he wants to meet your children, if he hasn't already. It doesn't seem like that. It seems like you want to meet his. It just doesn't seem like you two are on the same page at all. I think maybe he looks at you as somebody that he's just dealing with. I don't think he wants a serious relationship. Or maybe he is still involved with another woman and the woman

may just be his kids mom. I don't know, does his kids have the same other Again, this is you've given me a lot, but you've given me a little. You know, you can give me a lot of information on it, but my decision is yes, move forward. Please get the funk up out of that because I'm gonna need you to know my kids, especially because they're young and I've been with you for three years or twelve. But girl, you're just the ball of Confucius. So luck tapping talk to you next week, last, but not least,

Hey Jess, is it true that you can all? Right? So I'm gonna struggle with this, but maybe y'all can help me figure out what she means, because I think I know what she means. But we're just gonna try to get through what y'all. Y'all need to slow down and proof reread, y'all, ship, This is a d M. Y'all have to read it. Y'all have the option. We all can unsend, rewrite correctly, and send again. So start

doing it, ship. Hey Jess, is it true to say that you cannot have a man that has his ship together, is a good person, and has good dick. You can only pick two out of those three. My boyfriend and I have been together for about eight years. We are twenty seven and twenty eight. We lived together in New York City. My boyfriend loves me more than I thought anyone could. Overall an amazing and kind person. He is, though an alcoholic and does not have any aspirations. God damn,

this took a turn for the worst. That escalated real damn quick. I feel like I am the leader in our household. But as I grow older, I realized I want a man that inspires me to be better. He is my best friend, but I want a husband. Child. I know what you mean, baby, I definitely understand and listen a lot of y'all answer your own questions in writing me and I love this. I love it. I love it because now I'm just gonna repeat back to you in a more translated way what you just said

to me. You have grown tremendously since y'all got together. Y'all been together for eight years. Still young, but y'all are growing. You're grown people. He has good dick. Yes, he's an amazing person. Yes, looks good. Yes you didn't say that, but I'm just gonna say, you know, but he don't have a ship together all right. Still after eight years, and you've grown tremendously mentally, emotionally, you have grown. Because you're telling me you want a husband, but he's

your best friend. Sometimes you don't have to marry your best friend. Sometimes people are meant to just be friends and best friends. Yeah, he's your best friend. He's not your soul mate, and you don't necessarily have to marry your soul mate. But it doesn't seem like y'all are

really really tied together anyway. When you outgrow somebody who just don't get it, who struggle with growing with themselves, sometimes you have to separate yourself from them because it's an equation, right, there's two people, so it's it's like a whole math problem. When you take away one number, you have the one number that stands alone. You have to leave him to figure that out for herself because

you can't pull him up with you. If he's not climbing, you understand what I'm saying, because then he's deadweight, so he has no aspirations. That's not your problem, and you shouldn't make it your problem. Listening, you have no children, you have no biological ties to him, you have no

obligation to him. You're not his wife, And before you decide to go ahead and settle and get there, you need to break it off let him find himself and come back to you if you feel that he is in fact the and that you would love to make your husband, or that is going to make you his wife. He's your best friend, is good. That's good. There's nothing wrong with him being your best friend. He does not have to beat your husband, though, he can just be

your best friend. He's very comfortable where he is. You know, there are good things about him. But a person with no aspirations, that's not going to be a healthy marriage, especially with a go getter like you. If you were just like him, yes that would be more compatible, but you're not. You need a man, a motherfucking man slash husband. Okay, so yes, it's communication. I think you shouldn't tell him that you're leaving. So no, no, no, I don't just

skip to that. But honestly, you you don't sound happy, baby, you really don't. So I think eight years is enough time for you to um give to someone who's not helping you, girl, who's not building with you. You need a strong foundation, for one. It seems like you're the only foundation. You're the table. He didn't bring anything but just good dick. Good dick is everywhere. It's not a bad dick too, but it's good dick everywhere. Don't go any further than eight years with this check in let

me know. And the last one, Hey, Jess, I really need slash want you to fix my mask, but my mess is too much to type. And I know it's anonymous, but it's still personal. Seven seven six three. Hold up, bitch, Wait, ma'am, I cannot call you. I'm not gonna call you. What what are you talking about? It's dealing with my relationship and happiness versus fear of losing out as bad as I want to help you, which I ain't gonna call you. You know that, so you better get the typing ship

these people. Funny is that we're gonna end it just like that girl. Now. I really want to hear what she gots. I might get prints the caller. All right, listen, everybody has a story and everybody needs help. If you don't know where to go, you don't know how to assess your situation properly, please send me a dam to the Carefully Reckless page the d M I repeat carefully Reckless podcast Instagram. Send all of your stories, your inquiries, all all the advice leaders y'all send messages to the

d M on the Carefully Reckless page. I will not see them if y'all send it to my jest hilarious official page is so many I stopped checking those d M. You can also send your stories to the Reckless Discussions official page as well. I checked both of those. I love helping y'all. I really really do make sure y'all fucking proofreading, though, because it'd be a lot of ship that I'd be having a piece together. But I shouldn't have to put your story together to fix your ship,

all right, put it together right? And just like that, we're gonna end this episode. I love you'all. Make sure you'll tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday, seven am. Tune into Reckless Discussions every Wednesday seven pm only on YouTube and in my deepest pam Boys piece clad love. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.