What You Know 'Bout Love?

of divorces. The rates are as high as they've ever been. So grab your t because it's story time. Okay, So I once had a friend who started dating a guy. He was older. She was very, very attracted to him because she had never dated a guy like this before, not of his caliber and his status. He owned his own businesses plural, His children were grown. Now she's my age twenty eight, so this is something new for her. Right.

Everything was going fine. By his birthday, they had only been dating for about a month thirty days, and they went out of town, had a lovely trip. She took him to dinner, she bought him some gifts, even playing a little surprise birthday party with some of his closest friends. That's what the dinner entailed. Now, they took pictures at this dinner party, some kissing, some not, but they took pictures. Now, women love to take pictures more than guys. That's just

what we love to do. We love a good selfie without man, or a good selfie by ourselves, but we love pictures. Doesn't matter, especially if we feel like we look good. That day, she took a picture, she posted it on her page. Now they've only been dating for thirty days, mind you, and she was fresh out of another relationship with the guy that she never posted. So this was like different behavior that I saw. I'm like, oh snap, she posted this guy cool. He had a

problem with that, she told me. The day after. He asked me to take it down. I noticed he got a little quiet. I said, all right, well, did you tell him that she were going to post him? And she said no, I just did it. I said, damn, well, why, she saidcause I can do what I want. I mean, like, we've been going at it. We had a solid month, Like although it's thirty days, it's been solid. It's great. I spent every day with this man. I really really

like him. He's into me. I'm into him, I said, okay, cool. She didn't take the picture down. They got past it. A few days later, she comes over to his house to spend the night. She asked him, why didn't you post the picture, and he said, you posted enough for all of us, Like you know, and I'm really, really a private person. I don't want my business out there right now. And then we've only been dating for a month or so, you know what I mean. I want to make sure this is right before I put anything

on social media. And then I'm a grown ass man. Social media really don't matter to me. I really only have social media for my business, to promote my business, to reach my my customers, my markets. So they watched the movie. She was quiet the whole night, she said. She admitted to me she had an attitude about this. He went to sleep. She went in his phone and posted the picture of them kissing on his page. She went in his phone because I don't think you'll hurt me.

Let me. Let me say it again. She went in his phone as this man was lying there asleep, and posted the picture of them kissing on his page for him, and she hid his phone under the bed. He wakes up early because he got to go to work. He's looking for his phone. He wakes her up, Look, babe, have you seen my phone? She's like, um, I don't know. So he goes out to his car. He has two phones. He goes out to his car to see if he

left that one in the car. While he's outside, she reaches under the bed, gets the phone and puts it under the pillow, as if it was there all that time, Like this nigga didn't check under the pillow first before. So he comes back in the house. She's like, oh, chuck under the pillow. He already knew, she said. He gave me that look, bitch that he already knew that I had had his phone. He just didn't know what I had done. Now he went on the social media.

Of course he checked it, you know, amongst other things. He probably when you wake up anyway, regularly he gives her a look because he sees the picture. It's Hella comments, Hella likes more than he has ever gotten before, because this is something new to his followers too, which are a lot of customers and old friends. By the way, like I said, he's an older guy, so this is kind of crazy. Now this guy was previously married. Well he is still married, but he was separated from his wife.

Still married, though still going through a fucking divorce. You understand what I'm saying. He tells her she needs to get the funk up, she needs to leave, goodbye. She starts arguing, She's not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. He's like, you're gonna get the funk out of here, or I'm called police. Real ship. She got the funk out of here because she don't do police, all right, nobody wants to do fucking police. She leaves. She's upset, she thinks about it. She calls me. She's like, Yo,

I don't think I'm gonna ever get this nigga back. Um. I just feel like he was hiding something because he fucking deleted the picture as soon as he saw that I posted it. So I said, Yo, maybe he deleted the ship because he didn't post it. I said, damn, did you find anything in the phone. Did you go through the phone or was that you're only a and that you post the picture so people can know about you. She said, I did go through it. I ain't gonna lie.

I went through his DMS. I went through his Texas and went through his call logue. See who we called, See who he was talking to, you see who he was talking to about what whatever? I said, Did you find anything? She said, no, not really, nothing that I have to be worried about. No, not at all. I said, okay, and you still posted the picture? She said, yes. That made me want to post the picture even more because I didn't find anything. As dumb as that fucking sounded.

I just let her keep on going. Now that's the end of that story. The thing about that situation to me is she kept telling me that she didn't trust him because he snatched down the picture, insinuating that he was hiding her from people, from other bitches that he might have had, or other females, or even not even darning the fucking wife that's trying to take them for everything anyway ship that she can use in court. They're separated, they're they're done, but they are still in the process

of divorcing. That's not an easy process. It's not easy and it's not cheap, you know what I mean, especially when you have a spite full spouse. So take it easy, is what I'm telling her. I said, listen, so you don't trust him. But baby, now he can't trust you because you went in his phone. So like you now have the same problem where he did trust you at first until you gave him a reason not to. He

never gave your reason not to trust him. You are carrying baggage from your last relationship, from your past, probably even your childhood. Because she was my friend, so she would tell me about previous relationships, and none of what she ever said she was cheated on in them. So this comes from somewhere else. This was deeply rooted. She has trust issues already, which is a sign of toxicity. That's very toxic for you to go in somebody's phone

without their permission. He already, he already gave you the password to the phone, because I asked, how the hell did you get in it, and she said, he gave me the password. So you used that, the same thing that he trusted you with. You used it. You used it against him. You used it to be sneaky. That's conniving. You don't do that. So imagine what else you could have done. Imagine what else you can do. And he can see this now, he's seeing this. Now, that was

a red flag. That's toxic. That's why a lot of relationships don't make it today. Now, the definition of toxic, it means the quality of being poisonous. That was very poisonous. You invaded the man's privacy. And I know a lot of you that are listening has also done the same thing. Ship. I don't even went through a gos phone, but I have never went and posted myself. That's taking it a bit further than just going through his phone. Her goal was to let everybody know that he has someone new

in his life. He needs to tell people about me. You want people to see that's something you can see. If people see it, they love it. People thrive off of seeing other people's love, or seeing what somebody else has, or because they were very nice and dressed up in the picture. She's very caught up on image, which is, you know why we are no longer friends, amongst other reasons, but imagery. Imagery, that's what people will get lost these days.

Because everybody wants to be goals. Everybody wants to make the explore page. Everybody wants to give somebody else something to go oh ah about. She was looking for validation. Definition of validation recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile, the action of checking or proving the validity or accuracy of something. That's validation. A lot of people seek validation from others. Will Really, you don't need anyone to validate your love

for a person. You don't need it anyone to validate how you feel inside about a person, because it's nobody business. You are the only person who is supposed to know. There are supposed to be some type of sacred privacy that you and your significant other, you and your meet you and your potential boyfriend or husband shares. You know what I mean that y'all have to share, that you have to keep something sacred. Everything cannot be put out

in the forefront. Especially today, social media has grown to be a very very cruel place, a place where you can say anything, a place where people hide behind their computers and their accounts, and they ridicule people. They bully people, They make up lies, they try to defameing people's character, They try to destroy and diminish reputations. Stop seeking validation. You don't need it. Get validation from God, whether this is the person that you're supposed to be with or not.

And if it's not that serious and you just want to, you know, have sex with this person or you know anything, whatever tickles your fancy, whatever your goals is for this, be honest and put it on the table with that person. So you're you're giving that person a choice, because what if that person wants to get married, but you just want to suck this person. You want this person to be a fun buddy. That's why things shouldn't hit the internet, and if they do, not so fast. Another thing insecurities.

She had insecurities. Okay, she is not firmly fixed. Being insecure is being uncertain and anxious at the same time. That is why a lot of really and ships don't make it as well. People try to ignore that they're insecure and really still force themselves to try to love a lot of people are pretending that they're not. You have to fix yourself in order to go into a real relationship with somebody where you could wholeheartedly be yourself and trust someone start to grow a bond. That's why

it's good to be friends first. Another thing that's really popular that people have made relationships based on these days. Sex Now a lot of women. They play around. You know what I mean. I've done videos on Instagram about this. Say you're dealing with a guy. You meet him, you have sex with him early, whatever it happens, you have sex with him the first two weeks that you're talking. It's bomb, It's good. His head is good. He makes

you come more than once in ten minutes. Whatever. He tickles every oh, he hits every spot, makes you feel good, best sex you ever had. You automatically feel like, should we go together? I ain't letting this go? But what are the the qualities? You can't just settle for sex. He may be abusive, not only physically, may be mentally abusive. He may be emotionally abusive. He may have baggage from other relationships as well. He may be broken as a

man because he didn't have his father around. What are his other qualities? Can he cook? Can he clean? Can he help take care of you? Now? Can he take care of you? Can he help take care of your needs? You know what I'm saying? Um? Can he be affectionate? You know, because sex is is different. Affection is not only sex. Does he make you feel wanted? Do you feel like the only girl in the world. When you're not having sex, when he's away from you, do you

worry about is he with somebody else? It could be bomb sex. But he's a cheater, he's a womanizer, he's afraid of commitment. All types of things go into play when you're trying to really build a real relationship. Things that we have gotten away from that destroys our relationships these days, that they had some time go back in a day. Communication. A lot of people are scared to communicate. That's why a lot of relationships fail. No one is

telling someone how they really feel. Communication, and honestly, it goes hand in hand. A lot of people do communicate, but they lie. A lot of relationships are built on lies loyalty. Not a lot of men and women know the real definition of loyalty these days. Trust. If you have trust, you can build if you trust someone. Now, trusting someone takes time. When we first meet a person, you have to at least give them a chance, you know, to try to trust. That's what a lot of people do.

They jump in these relationships knowing that they have these goddamn trust issues. You're not allowing someone to show you that you can't trust them. First, you can't go in to something banking on it not working because you're waiting for something to go wrong. You're so anxious and insecure from your past that you're waiting for this man to do something wrong, or you're waiting for this woman to to step out because your ex wife did, or your ex girlfriend did, or you saw your mom do it

to your dad. You know what I'm saying, I gotta get rid of the baggage. Also, like I said, affection, I'm talking about affection looking into your partner's eyes. On dates. You go out to a restaurant nowadays, and people are on days, they're in their phones the whole time. Nobody is making eye contact when they're talking. Nobody is really into the person that they are with because they're so busy, both on social media showing each other. Oh look, look at this, Look at this. Oh my god, can you

believe that? Oh my god, Tiny and t I got into it this week. Oh my god, tyres just he getting a divorce? Oh my god. You know you're so worried about other people's business. That's also a reason why relationships fail. You're worried about everybody else and not each other. That brings me to the segment of Just Fix My Mess where I asked some of my fans and my followers to give me some of their personal dilemmas, their personal situations that I can kind of help them maneuver through.

So I posted on Instagram, what are some of the main problems in relationships slash marriages these days? Giving experience of your own go under score underscore, Nikki says, everybody think they know everything and don't want to listen to the other person. Also, it's so easy to find your ex or someone who liked you online when you and your bull are going through problems. So the quick fixes vent slash fuck someone else. Back in the day, you

couldn't jump online and swipe left. You didn't have booty ass and dick picks in two seconds. So y'all was mad, got over it and got back with each other. Now it's who's next, Go Go, Go go, and Nikki, you are totally right. A lot of people do not like to listen to the other person. And then another thing accountability. It takes a great amount of dignity as a woman to admit when you're wrong about something, to admit that you are insecure to lay your flaws out there and say, look,

I am sucked up. So sorry, I've been sucked over before, but I do love you and I want this to work. You just have to help me. You have to bear with me. We have to work and build this together. That's accountability, that's honesty, that's communication. So you are so right, NICKI lead Box on Instagram Instagram name Already Box Jr. Says my wife is not nasty enough. You won't have a wife after this because you did not tell me you want you wanted to remain anonymous. I hope Mrs

Already Box Junior ain't ain't gonna hit is um. But let's get into her being not nasty enough for you. Does she do other things with her other qualities? Because listen, this is what I always say. You don't let someone go because they can't do one thing. You can work with them. You can teach them, Teach her how to be nasty, tell her what you like. Compromises a very

important factor in relationships and marriages. She has to be willing to compromise if that's the only thing that you don't like about her, But that cannot be a deal breaker because she's not nasty enough as you can, Babe, you want to watch Plaulin with me, Let's do some some role play. Let's let let let me do whatever, find out what she likes, tell her to come into your world now already. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be honest enough to express this, because yeah, you should.

That cannot be why you stepped out. If you did, I'm not saying you did. Maybe you did, maybe you did not, But I know you think about it because you're a man. And if she's not nasty enough, there are women who are, but you can't get into that. You have to teach your wife how to please you as she can teach you how to please her. And you have to be willing to go that extra mouth for your mate, for your husband, for your wife. That's how you keep your wife. It's easy getting married, It's

hard keeping the person that you're married to. It's hard staying married after a certain point of marriage. Okay. Maria Henriquez Tall Underscore and Underscore Fabulous on Instagram says Jet doesn't work and isn't looking for a job. Talks to other women on social media while I bust my ass at work in school, oh, she gave me the nigga's name. I hope this is that that's what she did. She and this is not a misspelling. But um okay, Jit, get your ship together. A matter of fact, funk that hey,

you ready for you? Baby? Leave his ans. Honestly, I feel like you. You're a woman, and obviously, if you're in a relationship, you should not feel single. Do you understand what I'm saying? You should not feel single, You should not feel alone in your relationship. You should not feel lonely in your relationship. So Jit need to hit the motherfucking role. Jack and Maria. I'm looking at you on Instagram and you are beautiful and you and and your Instagram name is tall and fabulous girl. Get you

a taller and a taller and fabulous man. Fuck a Jit, he don't work any motherfucking way. Girl should last one. I'm gonna read fat boy underscore, BENI says, funk all that what you're trying do? I'm trying fuck in your voice? Wait a minute, so this is why niggas can never participate in ship. I ain't trying to fuck you, fat boy Benji. Come on now, ship, let me go to your page. Because no, I'm at the road. Shot Ah.

You got a nerve to have your page open first of all, and you look like Florida Evans, a fat ass Florida Evans with a smaller bush. Get your ass out of here kind of time for this ship. That's why you can't give Nigga's nothing to participate in this. Nigga looked like he invented detention. Get on my fucking nerves. So I need everybody except fat boy Benji. Everybody's story that I just read off. Y'all need to go back

and evaluate yourselves first. The guy who's not satisfied with his sex life in his marriage because his wife is not nasty enough, re evaluate yourself. Go sit down with your wife and talk to her about that ship. And if there's no resolution, then you take the next step. Then you'd be honest with her and you say, look, if I'm not getting here, I have to go get it somewhere else. I'm a man. You have to You have to cater to me. We have a covenant, we set our vows. This is a marriage. This is not

a girlfriend a boyfriend situation. You have to compromise, confide in her, talk to her, Nikki, you are so right. People have to take accountability and when something is not working, sit down and talk about it and get back right with each other. That don't go look for the next best thing because you might catch something out there. Ain't nothing out there with a whole bunch of COVID and STDs. Don't because I'm telling you another thing that is more

popular than breakups and divorces these days, raw sex. The STD statistics are at all time high. I'm talking about like COVID, strap up, protect yourself, Maria, do better because you know better and you deserve better. Now let's kick it over to current news. Sage, the Gemini and super Scent are broken up. Now listen these too. We're so fucking cute to me. I don't give a funk When nobody's saying the comments with I, I don't care. They

were cute as ship. I love Supercent. That's my baby, Sage, you fucking trod it and I'm gonna slap the ship out you when I see you. Nigga, I want to fade and my best ras B voice. Nigga. Now I know, I ain't no violence, ship, I ain't no straight, I ain't no street ship. But when I see you, I'm slapping the ship out period. Now that that's out my system, because Supercent is my girl. She's real. She's she's a

single mother, you know what I mean. Not saying she doesn't have help with her babies, because I don't know that to confirm that, but she's a hard working, fucking mother and she is now single. But they have been in love and been looking very much in love for the past two three months now, you know what I mean,

And I've been loving it. It's nice to see a black couple, a black woman who feels appreciated after feeling depreciated, that revivement of yourself, that spring cleaning of a bad nigga, and then it comes another one that makes you blossom, you know what I mean. That's what she was showing us. Only to have now been broken up with this nick and what I did not like about the situation. I'm gonna tell you this. Nigga posted a couple of days

ago single on his Instagram story. Nigga, you a fucking clown. I just want to want to be very very honest with you, because y'all could have kept that ship under wraps. Now listen, It may very well not be over. They may still work it out. We don't know. We only know what they tell us. We only know what we see online. And once y'all make it out business, we get into it because the internet is not a place

where you can mind your fucking business. So you do not put on your story single I'm gonna suck how mad you are, my nigga? Don't put that out there, like, why would you even do that? For a fucking reaction right from us? That's that's not cool, that's loving hip hop ship. That's oh they've recording Real Housewives of Atlanta type ship. That's reality TV bullshit. And that probably more than likely hurt her feelings. I know it did. It would have hurt mine. As tough as we are, we

still have feelings. So that was clowned out to me. I did not appreciate him doing that. But Horma and I wish my baby super the best future and death de Or. They've been kicking it for a while. They've been looking happy, they've been looking like they smell good. Everything they dressed it like. I don't know about y'all, but I've never seen this out of future. He seems

genuinely happy with deaths. And she's a beautiful girl. No surgery and don't look like this girl in handles ergery not could be wrong what I'm telling you, if she did, that's one of the most natural bodies I've ever seen in my life. And it ain't it crazy how you gotta question every single body, you know what I mean. But she's a beautiful, brown skinned girl. Sh don't pack too much makeup on her face. She got a nice hairline. She don't need no lace front, you know what I mean.

She she got all her teeth, she looks good. Our music is prop and she's also um an artist. But it looks like they're thriving off of each other. I've never seen Future post a woman so much and I love it. And then also I haven't heard him say anything disrespectfully about women or disrespectful to women or pertaining to women since he's been with death. Why because she's

keeping his attention. Hain't worried about nobody else. That's when you know you have the one, when you're used to being in everything and ship and when the mothercker come along and grabs your attention, And have you only worried about that person focused on them. My god, I bet you,

by golly wow, that's what That's what everybody needs. That's why I meet me to sit as low ass down some goddamn where, because he talks about everything and everyone and always is focused on someone else and other problems and everything, except for like when he was in a relationship with Milano, that's all he did was talking about other bitches, talk about his ex, talk about other ship that other people are going through. If you paid more attention to her, then you would be happy. But that's

not where he is in his life right now. Maybe not so, I guess what we have yet to see what's gonna happen with me, But I do wish him the best in his love life. Tamiya and Grant Hill not want to highlight this couple because I know a lot of people when you think of relationships and goals and people that you want to be like, a lot of people say Beyonce and jay Z and Will and Jada, those were the two most highlighted couples by the people.

But then we clearly seen jay Z cheated on Beyonce and she made a whole fucking album about it, and she even told the nigga. You try that ship again, you're gonna lose your life. Like I'm that was the most smooth ship this nigga. The the next time we've seen Beyondce, jay Z was glued. He was with ver. He was on every tour show. You know what, let's get the kids, because I ain't gonna lose this bitch. Let me. He went on tour with her. The next year, he went on a whole lemonade tour with the bit

he looked. He was like, oh no, you're right, baby, right baby. But they were goals. And do you know why, let's dig deeper into why they're fucking goals. They were goals because people look at who they are and not what they mean to each other, and not the real love surrounding them. Jay Z is one of the most wealthiest businessmen in the world. That's goals in itself. Beyonce most legendary, epic and icon, one of the most gifted women in the world. I'm not gonna say talented. Beyonce

is gifted. God gave that to her. She even singing straight out the womb period always been twisted and turning them lott of hips and and working her, you know her because I don't want to say talent because it's way beyond when you're born with it. It's a gift, and I feel as if she was. But that's goals. Them two together. Their love life, that's a different story. That's not goals. We don't know what they go through. We know they've been through ship. Maybe Beyonce got goals

for somebody else. Maybe to me and grand Hill is Beyonce's goals. But I know damn well that they're mine. To me and grand Hill, they are. They still keep the spark in their relationship. Hey loves her. You can tell the way he looks at her. He loves her. You can tell the way she sings to him, she loves him. These are two celebrities that I follow, you

know what I mean? And no, no, not on Instagram cause you know, I'll only follow four people and about gonna follow Ashton because he don't post on them, so it's like, you know, about to be three. But I follow these people. I go to their pages and I look at them and they're very beautiful couple. Will and Jada. They were also goals to society at one point in time, until it comes out that. You know, it's been rumored that they were swingers and ship. They've never copped to that.

But just this past year, we've we came up with entanglements. We've seen that they go through ship. We've seen that they haven't always been happy with one another. You know what I mean? That that's the ship that they don't put out there. Why with they that's the meaning of privacy. But we were all so shocked and in disbelief when we saw that they weren't that perfect couple. Sierra and Russell. I'm coming to them because they are also goals as well.

That man loves this woman, that woman loves that man. And the family. I love it. Gabrielle and d Wait I love I love their love because they're real. They show us how you can be your man's best friend. They show you how, Oh my wife, that's my homie right there. You know what I mean? They have more than just oh pictures posted. They have personality. They have fun together, They talk to each other, they communicate. They're so into each other that they're not fucking worried about y'all.

That's a real relationship, that's real love, and it's beautiful when it's real and when it's built on all the right things. First of all, you have to build a friendship. I said that earlier in the episode. And you have to put God first. I need for y'all to understand a lot of people ask for a Sierra's prayer. You know that's that's like a thing. Now, see Ira, what's your prayer? But listen, you can't ask for her prayer if you don't have the faith. You understand what I'm saying.

You cannot ask her prayer if you don't even have a relationship with God. God Like, don't ask me to send you a man like that. And you don't even tell me how much you appreciate me that you wake up every morning. You don't even you know, you don't even know yourself yet. You're not ready for a man like Russell Wilson. You're not ready for me to do for you what I did for them because you're still broken. You still have ship that you need to get yourself to. Well, now,

God ain't gonna cuss at you. You You know what I'm saying that, So I'm sorry about that. I'm paraphrasing, but you know that is real ship. Don't ask for a prayer. If you don't pray already, if you don't pray for yourself, if you don't even know who you are, don't ask for no God damn prayer. And on that note, that brings us to the end of the episode today. Okay, now we went a little longer. You know what I'm saying. But this was some ship that I needed to get out.

I needed to talk to you all about this. Another message I want to leave y'all with. Don't think you have to date everyone you like, because more than likely you're gonna like a lot of people. That's natural, that's human. And don't think you have to date everyone that likes you. Okay,

just let some people like you. I had to find that out the hard way, you know, giving this nigga chance, giving this nigga chance, giving this nigga chance, until I looked up and I was like, damn, my, my, goddamn, hold up, wait a minute, hold up, hold up, damn it. Let this nigga like you. You don't even like him. You're just giving him a chance because they're like you. You can't do that, ship, because ladies, you are worth more, men, you are worth more. You have to find out who

you are. First, you have to get rid of your you know, not your flaws, but get rid of your insecurities and become comfortable with yourself. You have to be able to sit down and tell a person what you're dealing with, what you're battling, and how they can be of help to you if they're willing. But give a person a choice. Don't just jump in a relationship hiding all of your problems in the closet because you're ultimately being selfish. You're not even giving that person a choice

to say, all right, this nigga guy trust issues. I ain't gonna sunk with him. Instead, you reflect all that ship on her. She don't deserve it. Ladies, you reflect all that ship on him. He don't deserve it. So again, y'all need to learn learn learn the five keys to a relationship communication, honestly, loyalty, trust, and affection, the five no nos in relationships, imagery, toxicity, validation, insecurity, and just sex. Okay, and that's it for real Love and Relationships. Episode three,

I killed It. Make sure you're tuning in the camfully reckless next Wednesday. Matter of fact, every Wednesday. I love y'all and I know y'all love me back. And with that being said, and my best deep Pam voice, peace, no, no, no, no, he don't know how the way. Let me not fucking peace. I'm I'm gonna be. I'm gonna I'm gonna do it right next week. I'm hungover like a motherfucker. Hit me your ass, nicker, shut the fuck up. I've been out hit on my cash, so you hustle. I've been what

s I don't know happen. Get into listen carefully. Reckless is a production of I heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.