What Is You Doing, Baby?

can send in paragraphs, essays, whatever you want. But if you do send in a paragraph, or if you write it or whatever, please spell check before you submit, because that might be the reason that I don't read it in. Your story may actually really be good, and I actually may have some really good advice for you, but please felt check, guys, please please please jumping straight in, Hey jos I need help. I'm sick of my baby father and his damn Okay, okay, I'm gonna start that over then,

all right, Hey Jess, I need help. I'm sick of my baby father and his inconsistent ass. Ways, let me backtrack. We've been together for seven years, have a child together, and all through the relationship there was something that should have caused us to break up, like his first baby mother or the jail stuff. But I stayed and we have a child. Now. One thing she's gonna keep telling me is we got that child. Okay, they got that child.

So if y'all didn't know for the third time already, and I'm only ten seconds into the story, they have a child, all right. Now. I had to go through so much from my place. I called home on my own with nothing but minimal assistance from him. I got my keys, he lives with me. There's no real bills being paid. He's still got stuff going on with the law. And all he can say for me to not want to give up is because of love or starting over.

But it's said because I want to start over. And she wrote that in all caps to y'all want to start over, and not with anyone in particular, just a do over to be happy. I don't feel loved or appreciated. I feel used. I feel like I'm here for comfortability. In the minute he gets go, he's gone. Now. I don't know what that means. That could be some new slang. And if y'all know what it means, then y'all tell me.

If not, We're just gonna keep on rolling, mainly because I don't try to make him feel bad, but I get mad at him when he thinks he has some say so on some ship in my house. I don't want to be like it's mine, mine, mine. But I worked hard alone with my child and he just piggybacks off of what I do and what I did. I have to help him do everything at his twenty nine years of age, job applications, everything, and I know it's

not because he don't know how. He just feels like I should, and when I don't, I'm always looked at wrong. I'm starting to resent him and I'm not sure what to do. Yes, I love him and my in love. No. Do I think I've outgrown this. Yes, but I'm also a virgo and I do impulse of things when I'm in my feelings. Your podcast always gives me clarity on things. Oh okay, baby girls. So look, I'm gonna start off by saying I'm gonna quaries and I do impulsive things

out of emotion. So I don't think that's a sign thing. I don't think that that's an astrology thing. I think that's more of just an emotional person. Who you are all women, I'm not even gonna say we're women. So we do that because all women don't react that way too emotions or when they're in their feelings, and all men don't do that. I know men that do it,

and I know women that do it. It's just you are very in tune with three emotions, and sometimes we don't know how to control ourselves when we're so deep in our feelings. So don't put that on all Virgos because I'm pretty sure all of Virgo's listeners probably like girl, I'll be doing it, you know. So you ask yourself a series of questions, you know, And these are all the questions I was gonna ask. Other than do you love him? I know you love him, I was going

to ask you, are you in love? You know? And that's two different things. A lot of people have their own beliefs on that, their own thanks I call it thanks. They're their own beliefs or thinks on that. But I believe that there is a difference. I do believe that they're Also is a difference between loving someone and loving someone unconditionally. So obviously you don't love him unconditionally. You're not in love and you think you've outgrown him. So basically,

I'm gonna tell you what you're looking for. You're looking for a confirmation. That's what it is. It seems like you already know what you want to do. You know that you want to start over. You put that in all caps, girl, you wanted to start over, and then you didn't only write it once, you wrote it twice. You're done. You're tired. You're tired of him leaching, You're tired of being superwoman of the house. And listen, while that is something that we will always have to do

when you leave him. If you leave him, if you're just in the household by yourself with your child, yes, you have to be superwoman. You have to be a hero to that child. You have to be the role model, you have to be the stature you do. But when a man is there, some of that weight is supposed to be lifted from your shoulders and you don't feel like you have a support system. Basically, he leans on you for support, so does your child. So who do

you lean on? And I understand that, So you feel like you can do it by yourself without the man in the house. If you're doing it with the man in the house. You understand what I'm saying. So I think you're just looking for a confirmation. Girl twenty nine years old and you have to help him fill out applications. Listen, that is not your oldest child. But I know that it feels like it. I know it feels like I've been in a relationship like this before. The only thing

is I do not have children with the guy. But I felt as if I was taking care of someone else's son who was supposed to be taking care of his responsibilities and helping to take care of me in my household because it was my house. He just moved in it. I was always the breadwinner, taking care of him and I and my son, you know what I'm saying. And there were times that I struggled trying to take care of all three of us because I didn't always have the best damn job, but I could always fend

for myself. After going through a bunch of obstacles when my son was younger, you know, I vowed to never ever go back there again, so I've always worked my ass off. So listen, I do understand. If you're looking for confirmation, I'm giving it to you. Yes, yes, yes, because the only thing that you said positive about this whole ordeal is that you do love him, That you do love him, but you love yourself more. You love your mental stability more. No woman or man should have

to live miserably to accommodate somebody else's feelings. I was just speaking on this on last week's episode. We robbed ourselves of happiness at the expense of other people's feelings. We lose ourselves in our relationships and our friendships and and with these bonds, and we we attach ourselves to these people, and we give them the sense of entitlement by doing so. That allows you, in some cases, to even give power to someone. You know you're you're giving

someone power over you. When you dim your light to shine, there is brighter and they ain't even gonna shine on their own. You understand what I'm saying. So that's what you're doing. You're constantly building this man up, and I think it's training you. Now you've come to the point where I don't know how old you are, but if he's twenty nine, I guess you're not too far before or after him. You know what you want. You're a woman,

a strong beautiful black woman. I'm looking at your picture right now, you and that sounds kind of creepy, but you know that I'm looking at your picture right now. Relax, I just want to take some pictures. I'm joking. I'm sorry. Um, you seem like you know exactly what you want, not

seeing you know what you want. So now you just have to take that step, and that actually needs to be a conversation with him as well, and do not let him say, well, you seem like, yeah, I'm gonna let him keep reeling you back in because this has been the same song and dance for a while now as you have put it. So I think you should sit and tell him there needs to be a conversation. Communicate with him exactly how you communicated with me. Tell him and just say listen, I'm going to let this go.

I know that we have a child and I and I've tried, and I tried, and I tried to make it work for my family because I don't want my child to grow up in a broken household or two different households. But I cannot keep carrying all this weight by myself. If he doesn't understand that he's still got so much learning to do about the woman he was with all this time. Because he's supposed to know you. He's supposed to know that you're tired. He's supposed to know that he got to get his ass up and

get his ship together. He's supposed to know you will leave his ass. He's supposed to know that he is fucking replaceable, whether he is your child's father or not. He's supposed to know, but he does not. So sometimes you gotta show motherfucker's something for them to learn. And that's just it. Checked back in with me, boo. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial with you love Me. You'll listen. Moving on, Hey, Jess, girl,

I'm gonna just get straight into it. I don't know if it's more of a question or a conversation, but what is up with the mentality of men these days? Girl? I'm still trying to figure it out. At thirty five years old, I am finding that the problem with these men are one and the same within the African American dating community. Come on, stats now, I have never been good at sugarcoating ship. So here we go. Where is

the black man's mentality today. Are y'all trying to be thugs, hustlers, pimps, bums, delinquents, entrepreneurs or just plain old felons like do better my Brother's because I'm finding that the ones trying ain't trying hard enough. And this is not to ignore the many independent, successful black males. I know y'all exist, but this ain't about you. All right now, I love her, Okay, you could be doing everything right in a relationship and your mentality still be long. I try not to judge a

man for being on hard times. I met my man at work, but ship. He's not stable, doesn't have his own apartment, lives with his dad. We've been together for a year, but don't ask me about moving in. Now I have to question why a grown ass man doesn't want his own ship. Moving in. Ship is for marriage, because if you miss me so badly, marry me, Like damn. I want to go to my man's house, lay up in his ship, smell his clothes, wash his dishes, see

how he lives and maintains. I need all men to drop this mentality and pick up a new one, because I'm a grown ass woman. You niggas have no education, no experience. Get the jobs you can get, work your ass off, Let that hustle man street ship go and create stability for yourself and your family. I was homeless before too, and now what I value most in this life. The only thing that matters as an adult is stability. M hmm. I would love to pack a bag and be at my man's house or whatever for the day.

This is a serious issue, clearly because all of y'all are miserable, trying to live together, thinking you're saving money, moving too fast and making this ship the new normal. Ladies, cut the desperation and leave that man outside. Funk all that moving and ship for real, for real, start making these men stand on their own. It'll be a domino effect, hopefully. Anonymous. Please, oh baby, listen, let's just time out for a second. Lord. I want to shout up and down my house right now.

She spoke so many words, dropped so many gems. And do you know what the first thing somebody will say about this woman, Oh she's an angry black woman. Oh she wants she got our ship together, She wants everybody to have their ship together. She think her ship don't stink can't nobody go through nothing. You're not gonna meet a man who's just gonna be perfect. That ain't what she said. And she's also says she's been homeless before, and so she knows what the meaning of stability is.

She knows the value of being stable. He knows what that can do for your life. This girl don't need no goddamn advice. You're asking me to fix your mass girl, you don't even know. You probably just fix some of my ship. Damn. So now I gotta go back and see what the funk she needed, because hold up, I ain't all right, right, right, okay? And I was gonna say I ain't. I ain't fixed the sheen tell me about a specific man. She just want to know why these niggers out here acting this way? Why is the

mentality of a man so shallow these days? Really? Seriously, Now, I'm not saying you guys aren't confident. I'm not saying you guys don't believe that you look good. You don't believe in yourselves. You just don't want more for yourself, and if you do, you don't act on it. There is no action behind it. That's what she wants to know, and she's thirty five years old. She's trying to figure out. She says she was dating a man for a year

now he was already living with his dad. Now, she probably gave him the benefit of the doubt because I know a couple of you' all like, well, she don't want to stay with him for a year. She knew he was living with his dad when she met him. Yeah, but she tried to give it some time. That's what she's saying. She gave it a year. The nigga still was living with his dad, and he probably asked her to move in with her, or when we're gonna get a place together. She want to be able to date

until married. No, we're boyfriend girlfriend. We're doing this ship right. You live over there. I live over here. Now when we get married, nigga, we can move in. We can talk about all that moving in ship when we get married. You missed me so badly, You missed me bad enough to be with me every night, you know, to sleep with me every night, to wake up with me every morning, to live with me. I cook for you. I do all of this ship. Where we are one now we

are under the same house. Old nigga, marry me? Where is that ring? Okay? I do believe, I do, I do, really do believe that people get in these relationships barely even knowing each other. Yeah, you could be with somebody for six months and still don't know everything that you need to know about them before moving in with them. I'm not saying you're gonna know everything about a person

in order to live with them. No, you don't need to know everything about a person because listen, there are married couples that still getting to know each other that have been together for years and years and years. Because as people grow, people change. No, no, I hate that we're change. I'm gonna change that. Listen. People evolve and some people grow together and some people don't. Some people evolve differently than others. Some people evolve differently than their mates.

Some husbands evolved differently than their wives. So yes, you will always be getting to know your partner. Okay, So don't take that the wrong way. It's nothing wrong with that. But I think that these young people and these older people both they getting these relationships without even really knowing everything that they need to know about a person. Then they moved together, and you know, to save money, They play house, they play in the marriage thing. Nobody even

talks about being married. We're gonna moving together. I don't even know if the funk you even have a desire for marriage. I don't even know if I'm gonna be with you and five years or even if that's something that I want, because no one knows what the future holes. But you do know what you want. You do know,

and you can dictate what you want to. You can depict your life off of your wants and your knees and and your goals and what you are looking for, what you're striving for, and then before you know it, that's wasted time, wasted money, wasted effort. And now you guys live with each other and you can't stand one another. And then you thought you was gonna get this amazing guy, and you thought she was gonna get this amazing woman, and it was gonna be that way. Now y'all didn't

get to know each other. Y'all didn't get to miss each other, because now y'all live with each other. And what you didn't know before you know now. But now you live with this motherfucker, So now everything she do pisses you off. Everything he would do pisses you off and you want out, But y'all signed the damn least, so now you're in limbo. I totally agree with everything that she said. Listen, and she is also speaking from experience.

She's not talking down on anyone. She's speaking from experience because she was homeless before, she struggled before, and that's how she learned the importance of stability, guys, and getting something on your own, getting that ship on your own, being independent, not meeting a motherfucker for nothing. Now, listen, everybody needs somebody, but that's not what I'm saying. Listen. If I need a thousand dollars and I didn't have it, and I called my mother and she couldn't give it

to me. I called my father, he couldn't give it to me. I'm going to get it some type of way. Now I'm a hint on this, and then I'm moving on because this is a serious thing. This is a very serious question that she asks. Why are the mentality of guys like this these days? Listen? She said, where is the black man's mentality today? Are y'all trying to be thugs, hustless pimps, bums? Delinquents, entrepreneurs or plain old felons.

And mind you, she shouted out the guys who are all the successful black males, But she ain't talking about you all right now, all right, So I see that a lot. I see that a lot too, Babe. I do the thugs, the the bombs, the leeches, that the niggas that leach off women, and and you know what I'm saying, I'm gonna tell you all this. And I was moving on on YouTube. Me and my son's father used to do this series called co Parenting Therapy. I don't know if you guys are familiar. If you're not,

check it out listen. We started this over the pandemic, and I remember Jerome sitting next to me saying, oh, yeah, this is a new day and age. Now I want a woman to take care of me. I need a woman to take care of me. I'm okay with a woman taking kre of me. I want a woman to take care of me. Times have changed, so yeah, now y'all take care of us. And I remember the feeling that went through me. I remember the fine hairs on my skin just stud up. And I remember back handing

the ship out of Jerome. I'm talking about just so Bunyan like right, Cross has goddamn face. And then I woke up. I'm like, oh, ship, I had a day dream of me smacking the ship out this nigga for saying that on a platform. That was a day dream I didn't touch in real life. It's actually you can literally see me in a trance when he says that, you can see me zone out and just go into my own mental space. When he says that, like I checked out, go watch them episodes. I could not believe

that he said that. I'm like what He's like, yeah, sh it, I don't care. And this is right when I was about to stop that series because that nigga was moving into a place that I helped to move into and I helped him buy some furniture, and instead of saying thank you, this nigga was like, damn, you wrot me a bedroom set with no mattress. Again. I daydreamed that I pushed this nigga out in front of the car, got in it and rolled them over, backed

up and rolled them over again. I remember daydreaming that, And this is very revealing to you guys that I have these strange visions. But I would never do anything to hurt my son's father, just just letting you know. But I cannot believe that men actually think like that. He doesn't think like that now, because we've come a far, far along fucking way and he no, damn well, he

ain't read be in my life thinking like that. And that ain't what you're about to teach your damn sons either, And that ain't what you're teaching your damn daughters to take care of these niggas. No, you don't raise a woman to take care of a man. You raise them to take care of their households. Don't get a misconstrued what I said. You raise a woman to take care of her household. You raise a man to take care of his family. It's two different things, and y'all can

beg to differ all you want. Now I'm going to speak from experience me growing up. My mother took care of the household, Okay, my father took care of us the family, not saying he had nothing to do with the household. But the woman is who makes the house at home, Okay, the man is the provider of the family. I'm not even gonna say traditionally. That's how I was raised, and that's how my friends growing up was raised. That's how neighborhoods was, that's how communities was, that's how it was.

I guess you can say traditionally. I don't really like to even use tradition. I don't really like to use that word because everybody has different traditions. It's different traditions for different people. So I really don't like to just say, just throw my tradition out there on everybody. But that's how I was raised, that's my belief. So back to you, girl, you are on the right path of that, and I think you need to stay exactly how you are. There

is nothing wrong with how you think. Girl. That will be a man somewhere worshiping the ground you walk on. You stay true to yourself and you stay thinking like that. Girl. I love this. I love what she said. Should we need to check back in with her, don't we? Don't you know how I tell them? All right, y'all check back in with me after I try to fix the mess. Ship. We need to check back in with her ship m And I think it's safe to say we get ended

right here today, y'all. Thank you for listening in with jest hilarious and another episode of Carefully Reckless. Us and tune into Reckless discussions. Each and every Wednesday, we got another episode dropping to nights at seven pm only on YouTube. Check in tune in every Wednesday morning at seven am, on your way to work, on your way to take the kids to school, you want to wake up and listen to Can't Fleep reck Listen go back to sleep, so bid if you're listening to it at work, don't

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