Trauma Response

paragrams that y'all be sending me. So here we go. Hi. Just long story short, I have a five y'all with an abuser, and the abuse has come to a boiling point where I cannot take it anymore. It doesn't stop I fil charges. Don't get me wrong. I fight because

because I watched, because I have to. But now that's to the point where I have to constantly get a tool with his family for disrespecting me, and the girlfriend because she feels like she's a time into my child and I don't understand that considers you don't have no kids, and I would never send my child with somebody rather problem with me. I am sick of the abuse. My son is extremely traumatized, and I need space. I was in the relationship for five years. I have been beaten

to the point of having a concussion. I have a babar to sept them. I've had patches of hair and and you name it. I don't want to be that parents away from his father, but I have no idea what else to do. It is paining to have to do this, and I know he loves his dad, but it is draining and it is not fair that he gets to come around beat up on me and then go live his life. He's for me while we suffer. I love the fact that you're in rome have a

good relationship. I thought that maybe taking tips from you with help, but he's so severely messed up in the head and have too many mommy issues for me to do it to even compare with. I need your help, baby. You already know what you have to do. So you r in a five year relationship with this man. When did this fucking abuse start? Like? When did it start?

Because if it's always been something that you kind of like let roll off your back, maybe he felt as if it was okay because they'll do what you allow. You know, men will do what you allow. Maybe you ignored red flags because there's no fucking way this man has beaten you to a point of having a concussion, and you said some other ship that was going on with you, patches of hair missing and all the other ship, and you stayed after this. Now I know what you said.

Don't get you wrong. You fight, but you shouldn't have to fight a motherfucking man. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you fight or not. You should not have to fight. You're children's father. You shouldn't have to fight no man, but definitely not a man that gave you a child like funck No, how could he even feel like a man beating on a woman who is the mother of his child. And then, you know, you said, you get into it with the family, and you know

his girlfriend. He has a girlfriend who he's probably more than likely beating the funk out of as well, but she has a problem with you, and so your child is traumatized and all that ship. No, no, no, no no no. You don't want to be that parent who does not allow your son's father to see him. However, this is detrimental to your life, y'all argue, y'all fight. You have to fight his family. You know, you have to find a way to explain to your baby white

he has to take a break from daddy. You know, just Utio, your son's dad gets himself together, fuck the girlfriend, fucked his family. It's about you and your safety. It's about staying away from him and explaining to him why he needs to understand why you need a fucking restraining order or a peace order or some type of order put in place. Now. I know the laws a big ass fucking joke when it comes to domestic violence and things of that nature. But you need to do what

you can. This is not something that I would let roll off my back. And you actually need more help than Jess fix my mess, girl, You need the whole Alma of God. Obviously this is dangerous. I feel for you. I will keep you in my prayers, but this is dangerous, God damn Like and then your baby boy is so young to even have to go through this. Do y'all fight in front of him? Does he hit you in front of your child? You know like that this is this is a lot. You told me he was traumatized,

so maybe that is the answer to that question. Yes, y'all actually do this in front of him. That's not good, that's not healthy. That's showing your son that he can disrespect women. If his father acts out in front of him. It's showing him that my me is a punching bag. You know. It's showing him how to treat women, which is not a good thing. You understand me, So I understand you don't want to be that parent that takes the son, that takes the child away from his father.

But right now you have to be that parent, and you have to do it for the well being of yourself, for your mental sanity, so you can raise your son the right way, so you can be in the right mind to even raise your child, because if you ain't no good, you can't be no good for you. Baby. All right, check back in with me with an update. Girl, that's really sad. I don't think people really understand the severity of an abusive relationship. I don't think people really

really take it serious until they can't get out. I think people ignore, ignore, ignore, They hope for the best. They pray that this man changes, or they pray that the woman changes, because you know, women can be abusers as well. They continue to stay in these relationships hoping that the person will change, and more times often than not they don't and people wait too late to do something. I really hope that she gets helped for her and

her child, because that sho ain't nothing to play with. Seriously, hold up, hold up. I noticed she getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial with you love Me. You'll listen moving on. This is like my fist time trying to send this message. I just feel so ashamed, but I just I feel like I have to just let it out. I won't get therapy.

But I recently saw this TikTok trend where you know, girls were saying like, if a girl wants to be your friend and she doesn't have any friends, then that's a huge red flag. And when I first saw TikTok, I was like, man, funck y'all bitches, Like, what the funk? There's mad bitches that have zero friends but our hello cool. It's me on bitches, zero friends but too cool. I guess I don't fucking know. Let me just start off by saying this. I didn't have a good life growing up.

You know, I didn't have two parents who you know, watched me and taught me things. I'm learning things on my own. Girl, with a single mom. My dad passed away when I was a kid, when I was a baby. Um, so my mom, you know, I had to pick up the pieces. I have nine siblings and she had to figure out a way to keep a roof overhead, you know what I mean. I had three jobs, was living

on Section eight. We didn't have any money, and my mom's starting, you know, starting from the bottom when I was young, and that resulted to me, you know, having a very traumatic childhood because you know, when you leave siblings with other siblings and and I don't I don't blame my siblings for what happened to me as a baby, but you know it was it was somebody's fault because I was just a fucking baby. I had something very traumatic happened to me that I did not deserve, and

it was because I was neglected. You know. My mom left me with my siblings, but they never watched me. So I imagine a kid six seven years old just roaming the streets. Nobody gives a fuck. I mean, sometimes my sister would come back home from partying with her friends. She's a teenager, you know what I mean, what teenager wants to take care of her a baby. She would see me just roaming the streets and be like, Yo'll go back in the house, and then she would change

and then go back outside. And that's when I would just leave, whenever my siblings would leave. And yeah, just a lot of traumatic things happened to me at that age. I don't really want to get into it, but whatever you think is the worst thing that can have happened to a child is what happened. What happened to me. So back to what I first said about friends, I found myself in my twenties not really having any friends. I like to take it back to when I was

a kid. Fifth Great, there's this girl. You know, she had a boyfriend, she had a lot of friends. I was just really jealous of her. So what did I do? I just bullied her. Young me had friends. I've always had friends in school. I was never a loner kid, Okay, but I was just a bully. This girl literally got a Valentine's Day gift one time and I fucking threw her ship in the fucking garbage in the fucking toilet. Told her fight me in class, fight me, because she

was like, yo, why did you do that? Graduations spilled milk on her gown dress, like why everybody was laughing? Like what I was so problematic? Middle school? This girl lets me borrow her laptop and I bring it back and on the bus I find a view of her dancing in her underwear showed. Everybody in the bus humiliated her for what? Middle school? This girl I was jealous of how beautiful, beautiful she was, bullied her, constantly made fun of her on her face, wouldn't let her join

my friend group for what. I don't even know. High school my best friend her sex stape was weeked. All she asked me was you'll find out. Can you please find out who did it? I find out who did it. I gave her the name. She said, who told you? Because she needs to know everything? And I told her, I'm not going to tell you because the girl that told me told me not to tell her for what reason. I don't even know. Another girl that I was really close with, you know, I grew up in the same neighborhood.

We were always close. I literally just stole her iPad just to piss her off. No, it was iPod, sorry, you know, like the music shuffle. iPod stole it from her house, told everybody, and I was like, bitch, you're not getting it back. Just bullied her no reason, just

because I felt like it. It's just so many fucked up things slop with my best friend's boyfriend, stole every nincause she had ever been with, talked about her on social media, told all her business because I was matter for no reason over me fighting her when I was drunk. That she was defending herself pissed me off, so I went on social media. I was still drunk, told all her business on social media. She still forgave me. One day, we were at a house party. I didn't want to

drive her to her house. I was drunk and I didn't want to get a d u I and I knew how to go to my house, but I didn't want to bring her with me. Just left her at a party. Anything could happen to her, just left her, didn't care, no empathy whatsoever. And there's so many other things, but I just I can't think of it right now. But those are just a list of things throughout the years that I've done for what reason exactly, I don't know. And now I'm in my late twenties, I don't have anybody.

I don't have any friends. I don't have anybody to talk to you. I don't have anything. I have siblings that I'm close with, but it's not the same. There's things that you want to talk to your friends about that you can't talk to your siblings about. And I just want a connection. I just want I want real, you know, friendship, womanhood to circle around me. But I feel like I'm getting the karma over all my younger years of screwing people over. But is it really karma

if you had to funk up life too? You know what I mean? How am I supposed to know how to treat people if I was never taught anything, I was never shown anything. My siblings idea of trying to raise me was beating the funk out of me. I remember when I got suspended in fifth grade for bullying that girl. My sibling was like, I opened the door. I already felt bad for what I did. He was like, I got a belt and I got a hanger, which one am I going to beat the funk out of

you with? And then I got I got beat up. I skipped class one day in high school. He put his foot in my fucking chest. I couldn't breathe. I stole my mom's husband's credit card and bought a bunch of ship. Literally, my face was bleeding, my chest was read from how badly I was beaten, just all around, just me getting abused in my house, and now I'm going out and I'm abusing people. I don't understand why

I'm still suffering, Like why am I suffering? And why am I feeling the karma of what I did to women in the past, and now I have no friends because of that. I don't understand how karma works, Like, I don't get it. I don't I don't get what I'm doing. I do want to change. I see I see it now. You know, after all these years, it took a one TikTok for me to realize that I'm not good. I'm not a good person, But I always felt like a good person. I always felt like, damn, like,

what the funk? Why why did that person do that to me? Why did that person backstabbed me like that? No one's ever done any of the ship that I've didn't done to people. The worst thing that people have ever done to me is probably just talked me on my back. That's it bird rooms about me, like there's nothing that anybody has ever done that. And when I

say anybody, I mean like in regards to friends. I mean, I've had a lot of very very traumatic stuff happened to me because of my family, you know, But I'm talking about like friends at the moment. You know, I've never really had a friend that was like horrible to me. I've never had any of that. I mean, I've had fake bitches around me. It was because I was fake. I've had fake friends because I was the fake friend. I've had backstabbing weird bitches because I was the backstabbing

weird bitch. I was the company that I kept, you know, So how do you change now that I've acknowledged that all of the ship that I've done and probably even done more, I can't remember right now? What do I do? You know what I mean? Do you think that I should just not have friends for a little bit longer? Should I write down and think of all the stuff that I've done, like list by list of age by age up until now. I'm still young. Of course I

have more life to live. But I don't want to keep living like this, you know, I don't want to keep attracting bad people, And I'm like, why am I always attracting bad friends? Why am I always attracting bad friend And now I realized that I've always been a bad friend. They relate to me. They love the fact that I'm just like them. Envy my sister. She has

had the same friends because she was a kid. When I tell you this girl, there are people from like when she was a child still asking about her, still praising her, I'm so jealous of that. Like, I don't know what she does. She's a very private um. She doesn't really tell me anything. I think she knows that I'm a fake ass person, so I don't don't I don't blame her. I don't know anything about about that girl.

I don't think anybody knows anything about her. And I admire her for that, um, and I love her for that. She's always been there for me. Even though I've never really had any real friends. I can say that my siblings in my adult years have been my bestest friends.

And and I don't think they know like how much they need to me at a time like this, send my life for I've just had a horrible ship happened to me you know, over and over again, and you know I can see that even though like none of my friends ever stuck, I think my sisters have definitely like have stuck with me, you know, when I love them like so much. But I feel so lonely now and I feel so shitty. I feel so bad, and I wish I could apologize to those girls. I probably

traumatized them because I was traumatized. I definitely want to change. I want to change. I want to be better. I want to have an amazing circle of friends, you know, and I want to be happy, and I just want

to move on. And I'm tired of crying all the time when I'm in my apartment by myself, and I realized, like, damn dish, and you just finished the whole fucking bottle of wine by yourself night after night, thinking you're having a ball, but deep telling you and just lonely, and the first person that talks to you end up spilling along with your secrets because you genuinely want someone to talk to. That's me right now. But yeah, thank you

for listening. Oh and I know I know it'll get better, Damn baby girl, If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Listen. Let me tell you. You sent me through a series of emotions with your story. I'm going to tell you I went from being said sorry for you, disappointed, angry with you, content with you, proud of you, wanting to beat your ass, still wanting to hug you, grab you, and just hug you and tell you that it is okay. I'm not

gonna sit here and say it's okay. You should be forgiven for everything you did. Know you didn't sucked over some people, but you already know you did. I don't have to beat a dead horse. You already know what you did was wrong. And when it comes to karma, no, no, I don't believe that's what you're getting. I don't believe that this is your karma or any of that ship. What I do believe it's hurt people. Hurt people. Yes, you was traumatized from a kid up until you were

a adult. You got the ship beat out of you. Your mother didn't raise you, your father died, You and your siblings had to fend for yourselves, so you basically raised yourself along with your siblings wherever they could pitch in and help raise you as well. Y'all raised each other. It's nine of you. I see things like this all the time. I grew up around families like this. I've seen it. I'm gonna tell your story. I'm serious. Someone who was once a friend of mine, y'all may know

this story. A couple of years ago, this girl had put my personal information all over the internet. Not my sister. My sister had did it to me, but I had a friend. She put both of my phone numbers and my address because I had made her angry. We were arguing back and forth, and she did that. You know, I had to move out of my house. I had to change both of my numbers, the same number that

I've had since middle school. That everyone knew, everybody in the industry, old friends, family, all that people, important people had to change that. She came from a big family. Her mother didn't raise her either. Her mother was somewhere chasing men and ship like that. You know what I mean. She don't have her father. Her father is actually dying, if he's not already dead, but he was never in

her life. Didn't even want to meet her while he was sick on his deathbed, didn't even want to fucking apologize for anything that he did or anything that he didn't do as a father. Her and her siblings had to raise each other in the house. She used to be walking up and down the street barefoot. Same ship that you are describing to me happened to this girl that was once my friend. Every friendship that she has created and she has been in, she has fucked up. So when I look at you and I look at

your story, you remind me of my old friend. We've recently reconnected. I will never ever, ever trust her ever again in my presence, with my new address, with any of my numbers. But we kind of speak here and there on social media. She's pregnant now, but she describe some of the same things that you described to me.

She was a very lonely person. I don't know if she is now, but I have forgiven her for everything that she's done, because there were some really good memories that we had in our friendship, you know, before all that ship went down. But I realized she's hurt from her childhood. You are hurt from your childhood, and you inflict pain on others because it was inflicted on you. Hurt people, hurt people. I know that's a very cliche saying, but it's true. You are very fucking hurt and you're damaged.

And I suggest that you get into like a peace group. I don't know if you go to church. I don't know if you're a Christian or not or whatever, But there are all types of groups, different types of groups that you can get in to build your social status learning how to treat people. You said you don't know how to treat people. You can start by first writing down how you want to be treated. What do you want to feel? Do you want to feel how you

felt growing up? No? Funck No? Do you want to feel like those girls that you ridiculed and you tortured and you bullied? And ship? You want to feel like that? No? You don't want to feel like that. Do you want to do that ship? No, you don't want to do that ship. I think that that's a good outlet for you. You should get into one of those groups. There are other people just like you. You feel like you're lonely,

there are other people who feel just like you. You're not the only one that's dealing with that, you know. I think that that's what you should do. You should should seek social groups to be in. You know, I think you should continue to reach out to me. After listening to you, I will be checking in on you. Uh, this is off air, you know what I mean. This is not only for carefully reckless. You cried. I can

tell you're hurt. You still need to heal. You still need to get past what happened to you as a child, because if you don't, you'll let it hinder you for the rest of your life. You know, you still got a lot of life to live. You know you answered a lot of your own questions. You know what you need to do going forward. I think that's the healthiest thing for you to do. That's a good start for you. You need therapy as well. You need counseling before you

get in these groups. There are things that you need to get out. You had a lot bottled up. I could have given you your own episode with the things that you and I could sit and talk about back and forth. I want you to check in with me. Jesus, girl, you got me fucking emotional. Girl. You need to check in with me more, way more um and I'll be checking in on YouTube. And I want to let you know I don't know you from a can of paint. You don't know me, but from one woman to another,

one young lady to another, I love you. I do love you. I think you need to hear that. I think you need some type of affection. I think you need to reunite with your mother as well, you know, and tell her how you feel. You don't have your dad. You don't have a dad, you know, but you still do have a living parent. I think she gave up on being a mother, so you blame her for a lot of things. But I think that you need to talk to her. I think you need to seek counseling therapy,

like a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I can't sit here and tell you that I know the accurate difference, Like I really don't know the exact difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. But should We're gonna figure this ship out together because I'm all about helping people, not just women, mainly women. And then I want you to seek those piece groups, you know, those social groups and ship they're everywhere everywhere. I know you don't want to hurt people

for the rest of your life. Who the fund does you couldn't have been getting no type of enjoyment out of fucking up other people's lives and sucking up all those bonds and and fucking your home girls and niggas and ship like that deep down inside. No, no, no, no no, you thought that ship made you better. It didn't. Temporarily it did, but no, you're right back to square one. I want you to check in with me. I'm serious about that. And on that note, we're gonna end this episode.

This one has been a very emotional one for me. I'm not gonna lie that that ship is gonna be on my mind. But I want you guys to tune into co Parents and Therapy at seven pm tonight, Me and Jerome are sitting down with our very first guest,

and you guys do not want to miss it. Make sure you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday morning as early as seven am, whether you're on your way to work, on your way to the gym, already at work, or already at the gym, taking your babies to school, wherever you find your podcast, make sure you tune in every week and in my deepest pamboys, Peace, Love, can't Belie. Reckless is a production of I heart Radio

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