The Parent Trap

it's story time. Okay. So look, I was dating this guy, and listen, I know every story that I tell you all about me price starts like that. But bitch or whatever. When you date a lot of guys, you got a lot of stories. So listen. He was successful in his own right. And you know, y'all know who I am. Cool. He had a child. I have a child. After dating for about two or three months, I let him me ask. Yes, he met Ash. Now fast forward, we were dating for about five six months. I never got to see his

kid at all. I mean like, he wouldn't even bring the little boy up. I would have to ask about him, like, how is your son? Is he still alive? What does he do? What does he like? Does he look like you? Who does he look like? I don't know anything about this little boy except for that you have a son. It was the weekend. Ashton's dad usually gets him on

the weekends. Something happened. I kept them home, but that was usually when me and the guy would hang out during the weekends because I will be gone during the week all the time. Called the guy, look, got my kid. I'm not gonna be able to hang out this weekend. I got my son, So we're gonna do some kids ship. He said, okay, cool, Cool, Cool? Can I come along? I said, okay, cool, We're going to Urban Air alright, fine, cool. I'm waiting for this nigger to be like, I'm gonna

bring my son to you know what I'm saying. We five and a half months in almost six I'm like, okay, cool, you know I ain't gonna bite the little you feel me? Cool? Bring him around. He never said it, never said anything about it. So when we hung up, I text him. I said, it wouldn't be too much for you to bring your son, just so ashen can have some company, you know, while we're all there. The nigga texts back, Now he'd be with his mom's on the weekend. Nigga

here with his mom all week and the weekend. When do you ever have this kid? Like, when do you ever ever in your life? Like? What's going on with this? Later I found out after we stopped talking because he did something else that made me unattracted to him. So whatever, Later on we became friends because you know, I don't hold grudges with Nigga's don't funk with no more is whatever? You know, if you cool, are you cool? You were probably meant to be my homeboy and not my lover,

So that's fine. He tells me why we at lunch one day, oh Na, my baby MoMA didn't want me to bring my son around you, And as long as I was messing with you, she didn't let me see him. That's why you never saw me with him. Now, when he said that, a couple of red flags, you know, shot up for me. That's all I need is one time for motherfucking red flag. And there was a couple of Okay. The first red flag was she not be

over you. She must not be or she cannot be over you if she does not want your child even to see me. To meet me to be around me. If you only been together in three years, you got to be digging shorty down still to this day, to this day for her to be saying, oh, no, she can't come around my child. The child is five. You're telling me you haven't been together since too. You haven't been sexually attracted to us since the baby was two

years old. Y'all haven't even laid in the same bed or felt the same about one another since the baby was two years old. Then that's a lie to me. You ain't gonna tell me nothing. I don't give a funk. I don't care the second red flag that went up. You, as a man, chose this unofficial relationship with me, over seeing and being able to build a bond with your child. That says a lot about you as a man, sir. I'm just being honest with you in this very moment.

Like I told him, Yo, you really put five months on a shelf with your son for five months with me. That says a lot about you as a man. I actually have way less respect for you. Unless it was something else, you understand what I'm saying. Unless he was still seeing his child just when he wasn't saying me, I told you I was gone during the week, So

that's the third red flag unless you were lying. You mean to tell me you ain't been able to see your son in five months because you was fucking with me, because she was dealing with me, because we were unofficial, and when I stay unofficial, I'm heavy on the un You feel me like, seriously capital you in official That means you was still going over there sucking un sucking or during the week I'm saying, maybe still putting in her head that you were gonna come back so you'll

canna be a family. You just working on you and and you you you're trying to fix yourself and you know, feeding her all this bullshit. That further complicates the relationship that me and you have because now I'm looking at you like, damn, are you even a father? Did you lie about your son? And then it also further complicates the co parenting situation because now you can't even raise your child with her like you want to or like you should be able to, because she forbids you to

take the child around any other women. Hold up, Hold up, I noticed ship getting good, but listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So that was story time. Hold that for me. Now let's switch over to carefully reckless discussions. Does your co parenting situation put a strain on your current relationship or current relations For me, I think it depends on

how serious the relationship is. How serious the relations are, because you're gonna be dating someone, but you know, as a man and a woman, you kind of picture where it can go within like the first month. You know, some people need two months, some people even need three to get that clarity, to get to know that person, get to see what type of rule they're going down, you know what I'm saying. But when you do get the clarity, you can kind of see where it's going.

So then later, you know, kids and ship come into play. But it depends on how serious. Now, if you're talking to somebody that you see yourself with and y'all haven't really put a bow on it yet, meaning make it official, but you know that this woman is gonna have to meet your kids, or you know this guy is gonna have to meet your child or children or what have you,

then you let that happen. Sometimes depending on who the other parents is there needs to be a conversation in place because a lot of baby moms can't handle their children being around other women, especially when it's like a cycle, and that's vice versa. Let me explain. So, my son's father, little baby father, y'all know, room, When we first broke up officially, when Ashton was like one year old, Rome didn't jump into another relationship. No, he did not I did.

That was the only person that I fell in love with in my whole life, Like Andre was the only person that I was in love with. So I introduced him to my child a couple of months after us No, no, A couple of weeks after us dating. Yes, that I'm sorry. I ain't know lying now, am I bad? I said much? It was weeks, you know. Rome, on the other hand, he was not trying to be committed to anybody. He was still getting over me. He just knew he didn't want to be a one woman's man. He knew he

couldn't do it, but he wasn't over me. So you know what happens when you get a bunch of rebound bitches that to take your mind off of the one you really want or you wish, you could really have. So it was one week it was this bitch, and then the next week it was that bitch, and then the next week ad that it was this girl one then and Rome had my son around all of them. Why because it's good and bad. He would always have his son. For one, Rome always had Ashton all the

time I worked Rome with self employed. But if you know what I'm saying, but you know, he still had my son all the time. He was a student, he was going to college, had my son and in the damn school with him everywhere. So it was good because he was just a committed full time father. It was bad because my son had to grow up around all these women who kissing on him and taking pictures with him and posting them and all this ship and everybody thinks, oh,

I got oh, I'm met his baby. So I know he he really gonna think he really gonna stay with me, Na bitch, No no no. Kesha had the baby a week ago, and two kid had the baby the week before that. You know what I'm saying, ray Nisha gonna have a baby next week. But this is just your week with the baby. So the baby is a runnal at this point you feel me like everybody get their hands on them for a week. That's it. That was

the bad part about it. Now back to my relationship with Andre after room, my co parenting situation definitely put a strain on my relationship because Rome wasn't over me. So Rome didn't want me to have anybody else around his son, and he made it such a big fucking deal that this one dude, this one man was around his son. But I couldn't make no type of fuss about nothing. And I didn't why because I didn't care.

I didn't care if he was around Raineum on Monday, if he was around Precious on Tuesday, if he was around putting the lape on Wednesday, if he like I didn't care about that. Why because my feelings were already expired for Rome. I was fed up when I was with him because all I was doing was being cheated on while I was pregnant up until I hand the baby, up until the same day we broke up. He ended up going out with a bit that night, so I

was done. I had mentally checked out a minute ago, like like a while before this, but I was trying to make it work for my baby I've always wanted a family like the one I grew up in. Two parents, where two children, we grew up in a house together. We were fine. Never even knew that my mother my father were having complications when I was younger, because they knew how to hide their ship. They didn't put their ship on social media. They didn't tell everybody in the neighborhood.

They didn't go on TV, they didn't call I on we didn't call Dr Phil. They handled their problems together, so they raised us together. Does it put a strain on your current relations your co parenting situation? It can in many different instances. If you have a bitter baby mother, yes, If you got a bitter baby daddy, yes, it really does happen because a lot of people can't let go of feelings and really pay attention to what the child needs.

It's about the child. When you say co parents parents, it's a child involved, there are children involved, or else it would be no parent at all. Now do you feel it's necessary to raise the child in the same house, now, listen, it's too answers to that. A lot of people feel different ways. You know, back to how I was feeling, I was willing to be miserable and unhappy with Ashton's dad just to raise ash in the same house. And then I kicked myself an ask and woke up like,

oh funck, no, uh, I can't do this. I gotta do this for me myself. I gotta think about my sanity, my mental stress, my uh. I gotta get the funk out of here. I gotta I gotta break this off of this there. As bad as I wanted Ashton to have that family dynamic, my baby was whineing' gonna remember ship I left his ass. But a lot of people feel that way, and a lot of people have done

that years on years, and yes, for years. You'll be miserable in the same house with somebody you've got kids with, only because you want the kids to see y'all grow up together. That's not a good thing, though. It's not a good thing because if you are miserable and if you are unhappy, it will start to show even in your performance as a parent. I'm talking about toxicity at

its best. Sometimes it may hinder a child for you to stay and raise them in the same house knowing that you and the other parents are not good for each other. Y'all can come to blows. Y'all can mentally abuse each other, y'all can verbally abuse each other, And then the child gotta be raised, gotta grow up in that household where his parents were bickering, Her parents were bickering. Their parents were bickering their whole fucking life. It can

hinder a child. If you raise a child in the midst of negativity and dysfunction, that is what your child will absorb and be fucked up. Then there's counseling and therapy that you've gotta pay thousands, thousands of dollars to. You know, some works and some doesn't. When you can just prevent that ship and think of yourself. Now, I'm not saying be selfish, you know, but think more about the child, think about the long term of it. You may think, oh, I want I want my child to

grow up like I did. I had both of my parents. I really did fine. But that doesn't mean that something is gonna end up being wrong with your child if you choose yourself, because listen, if you separate yourselves, the baby can have too healthy environments. Sometimes you need that breakaway to live apart, to feel free and to be happy again, to be jolly, to be in a positive state of mind. I'm telling you, the aura is better,

the environment is better, the air is clear. If a baby got to places like that, they can go mommy house and daddy house. I promise you that baby will be just fine. And that's that. Now. Is it easy co parenting when you aren't together, like if you're not in a relation ship with the mother or the father, is it easy? In my opinion, I feel if the only goal is to raise the child the right way and not focused on each other, then yes, me and my child's father, for example, that's like my homie. That's

my nigga right there. You know, that's my man's for sure. I'm not attracted to him in any type of way, you know what I'm saying. No, that does not mean he's ugly. Baby father ain't ugly by a long shot. And saying he might be boldened in the corners, you know, but that's one thing he ain't. He ain't never been. It is ugly. But I'm saying I'm not attracted to him. There will never be another relationship that comes out of

me and Jerome, but we are tightening it. We're very close and a lot of times I joke in my videos and I say, you know, we're like brother and sister. No, for real, we fight like brother and sister. Then we're back cool like brother and sister ship like that, you know what I'm saying, or like two best friends with regular friends, like you know, we're cool as fuck. He calls me for advice about women, you know, about the

women he's dealing with in his in his life. I don't call him about the niggas I'm dealing with in my life. You know, Rome is very Rome is very childish, so I can't call him like that. He was like, well, first of all, Nick probably ain't got no call. They could probably don't look like me. They could probably like, you know, like Rome is that type of nigga, Like you know what I'm saying. But that's not because he's

attractive to me. That's just who he is. Period. He'll say that ship about a bit she was dealing with in the fourth grade. If she came and asked him a question about the nigga she dealing with. Now, that's just who he is. You know. You have to understand

Rome to love him. So the task is at its easiest when all love is gone when when the feelings are no more, when you don't feel some type of way about your baby mother still, when you still aren't hoping for a future with your baby father or whatever, when you aren't leading the other on, or you know, bullshit in the line and all that type of If there are no ties intimately, no ties mentally at all, then yes it is easy co parenting. But then there

are other levels to it. One parent maybe financially fit and the other parent may not be. So you know, you got the moms that run down child support, not even the ones that do it out of spite, the ones that do it because they really need it. You know what I'm saying That you're not really providing what you should be providing for your child. So that's why some of these women do it a lot of women more than often do it out of spite these days.

But what it's really for is the child. And when you need something that you can't get it from the dad, that's what you do. You're gonna put that mother on child support. It's just the negative connotation wrapped around child support now and ship, so a lot of people look at it differently than it should be looked at it's solely for the child, and then you fled out. Just got dead beat parents out this bit like for real, the other parents that don't want to do ship at all.

It ain't even got nothing to do with him being in a relationship or y'all not being together. It's just that he don't do period. It's just that she won't do period. You know what I'm saying. You got those I don't know what to tell y'all about that. Just keep praying for that per and keep your fists high. Okay, Now we got a commercial, and if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

That brings me to just fix my mess. And y'all know I always turned to y'all for instances like this so I can relate to y'all as y'all can relate to me. Now, I asked on Instagram, is it easy co parenting when you're not together? How so go? I'm gonna read a few responses off phenomenally. Marie on Instagram says no, because mine don't want nothing to do with the kids unless he can have me. And this happens to women more often than not. That is very very

fucked up. Honestly, I'm very sorry. So you're doing this by yourself. You are what they call a single mother baby, and I'm very very sorry about that, Marie. Damn. But I don't care how bad you need that motherfucker, how bad you need that brother to be the father for them kids. If that ain't who you want to be with, you bet not crack them legs open, because he needs to know what's the respect thing you got. I had that standard for yourself, and he needs to know whether

I'm fucking with her or not. She has my children who she works to take care of every day of their lives. He needs to come to Jesus moment with his dumbass self. MS dots Sparkle eighty four on Instagram says, yes, it's easy. My son's father and I've been doing it since he was too and he's about to be fourteen. It's about our child, not us, and it works, thank God, hallelujah. I love it. It's about the child, the child. Like I said, you wouldn't be a parent if you didn't

have a child. So when I asked a co parenting question, think about the child. This person wants to remain anonymous. Easy as hell. We are the best of friends and we aren't attracted to each other at all. Our children was affected by our divorce long ago. However, they eventually got over it. Oh well cool, that's good. That means that your children may be grown now. I love that. I have no feedback. That's perfect baby to say. Here's

another one. My baby mother is a lame. She brings my son around every dude she sleeps with, so sadly, no, co parenting is not easy. Now listen, brother, is the co parenting not easy because you still want your baby mother? You still have those feelings for her? Is that why she's a lame? Is that why you had to disrespect to her like that before telling me what it is? Because you still didn't tell me how it's not easy?

How does her bringing your son around every nigga that she sleep with making it hard for you to raise him with her when y'all are not together? That was the question. Mabe, go back to the drone board. How let me next week, I might I might read it. This last person says, yes, it's easy. I felt when we were together we had two different ways of parenting, which was confusing our son since we've been living apart and we're not together, it's easy, or raising my child

my way. Wow. Okay, this was the first and only person that had this response. Now, when you think about it, that's a little toxic, but I do on the stand it that means that y'all didn't see no future in sight for y'all. Anyway, she said they had two different ways of parenting, which confused their child. Now, she never made it about them being together or having love for one another, or being bitter or whatever. I don't know what their relationship with each other was like. However, to her,

it was about the child being raised two different ways. Now, I bet she's not the only person in the world with feels like that. That's amazing. I have really really nothing to say about that, because all indeed, it was about the job. I love that. So listen, people, when you co parent, you just have to know what is right for the child. If you are dating someone and you never get to meet their children, that's the red

motherfucking flag. If you're dating somebody who got kids and you never see them with their kids, you never hear about their kids, that's the red motherfucking flag if you feel that it is hard to co parent because you are in a relationship, there needs to be some type of closure that you and the other parents have to get to the bottom too, just so it's healthy. It's healthy going forward for you, the child, and any other companions that are in the way. And boom the end

of the episode, just like that. I love y'all because y'all love me. And next week tune and I got a very special episode for y'all next week Wednesday, Every Wednesday, hump Day and my deepest pan boys. Peace Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.