That's Not Queen Treatment

Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back with yet another carefully reckless just Fix My Mess episode with your Girl just hilarious. I'm on Breakfast Club all this week again. But listen up, y'all. We got some interesting stories today and all of them were delivered voice memo. I love it. I love it.

So let's get into the first one.

Hey, Jess, So I'm just trying to make this quick. So basically, I just got broken up with three days ago from with my man.

We were together for him, well, yesterday would have been ten.

Months, so I guess we were together for almost ten months and.

There are ten months in total. Like they weren't bad, but I feel like the last two months we kind of just.

Like argued about a lot, like and honestly, like some of the arguments woul be intense, but I feel like half the time the arguments were something like over He started it because he would just like try so hard to like control my every move, and that's not like what I wanted to allow. Like I feel like he wanted to like control everything that I did, you know, like he wanted me.

To do what he said and how he said it.

So, for example, like if he told me to go right when I was originally going straight, I would be questioning it, like why.

Do you want me to go right? You know which one was straight? And he just gets so angry like and be like, oh.

My god, you don't listen, like if I'm telling you to do something like just do what kind of vibes?

And that's not the same timing that I like.

To be on, Like, you know, if I'm curious about something, I'm curious, you know, like just answer.

The question like why do you want me to go right? When usually I would go straight?

But yeah, So I feel like a lot of our arguments was over that and they got bigger and like blown out of proportion. And at one point, I remember I hung out with my friend. So I was at his house or whatever, and he fell asleep. So I went to go hang out with my friend and I told him I I'll be back. I'm gonna go get pillows.

You talking like stuff like that.

And I'm just like, bro, there's like you got me sitting out each side of your apartment crying over you and you don't even care, and just like get out of here because.

My neighbors can hear. And then another time we got to argument. I'm sorry, it's just like I want you to grasp.

But these arguments were like like because every time we would argue, I would never call him out of his name, nothing like that, Like I'm really a sensitive person, and I feel like he knew. He knew that I was super sensitive and he played on that. You know, mind you I'm twenty and he's twenty seven and he's Dominican, but like straight from the island, So I know.

Like already I was going into a no way, Like you know, they have.

Their own like ways and stuff like that, you know, their own traditions and beliefs. Yeah, I already knew, like it wasn't going to be like, you know, a walk in the park because of.

How different we grew up the culture.

But yeah, one time we got into an argument all because I asked him what he wanted to eat in Walmart and he gets mad because he he would tell me like it's kind of like as a woman, like it's my job to figure that whole thing out, like you know, like he shouldn't have to tell me. I should just know or know what to do, you know.

I would never allow, like for somebody to.

Talk to me like that, you know, because I felt like, you don't really love me if you could talk to me like that.

But the times where it was good, it was good, you know.

So it was just like I let like those good times not define the bad ones, you know, Like I saw it as MM, well, we have good times, you know. When we're happy. We're happy. He's so sweet. He says the nicest things to me, calls me beautiful. I told him so much about my life and my family, like things that I've never told anybody, even be vulnerable around

Now that I'm twenty.

Me and him met when I was nineteen, Like I said, we were together for it's almost ten months and I turned twenty with him, and I did a lot of things with him, like a lot of first as far as life goes as relationship wise and stuff like that, like real relationship. And we work at the same job, so now that we're broken up, I stuff.

To see him.

I haven't even gotten to why we broke up. I'm sorry, I know this is kind of long, but up. We went on a beach shape for three days, for two nights, three days to Ocean City, New Jersey, and it was me, him and my parents, and then my nephew and his son. For reference, my nephew is nine, his son is four. This is my third time seeing his son. So I never met a son previously because of the fact that he was always like he's never.

Introduced his kid to any of the girl that he's.

Updated outside of the mother, so like he wanted to take his time, make sure that everything felt right with me and him whatever whatever. So nine months and he finally decided to introduce me to his son. The first time him was at a cookout, and then the second time it was just like, I was at his apartment for a few hours. And then this trip would have been the third time and my first time spending nights.

With the kid.

Up.

Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial with you Love Me. You'll listen.

So the first nine he was pretty good.

I mean, his kid had some has some severe ADHD that he's truly in denial about. Like, I have a lot of nieces and nephews, like over sixteen, and a lot of them have ADHD. So I know the signs that I know how to tell. And so does my mother. You know, she's a mom like and a grandmother at that, so she definitely knows. And she was even saying it and he was just like no, Like he's only four, so you know he's.

Just naturally hype or whatever. And it's like, okay, you know what, you can be in denial about it. I said, you's your kid, you know.

Then he at one point even told me like because every time I felt like his kid was doing something that he should have done, I told him, I told my boyfriend, as him being his father, you know, it's your choice however you choose to go about talking to him, discipline him all that. So he told me like, oh,

And I think my man got offended by that.

Like I said, he's Dominican, so his English wasn't the best, but he knew a lot.

But I feel like so he made this thing up in his head that I said that.

I said I didn't want to sleep with my boyfriend because his son was with him. So after that, he was like super offended, but he.

Didn't say anything to me that night.

And then our first night there, I slept with him and his child, but his son peed the bed. So the next night I didn't want to sleep there because you know, I was like, I don't want to sleep on blanket side have.

Pists on them, you know. Like granted, now.

Thinking back on it, I should have to my mom because she just suggests, like, let's go.

To the laundry mat. Let's find a laundrum mat around here and go wash your blankets.

But I was just thinking, like I'm on vacation, like I don't really feel like it, and my man didn't want to either, so yeah, I could have tried more for a solution, but I was just like no, like we can sleep in the living room or something like I kind of don't want to sleep on that bed with you know. It was a huge puddle of piss basically.

I know.

And then for him, he was like a dried like it doesn't make a difference, you know, Like for me, he's like a big pet peeve where I'm sleeping. I wanted to be clean, like I don't know, and he just got super offended by that.

The next morning, on our.

Third day, when it was time for us to leave and stuff, I woke up early started cleaning the airbnb to make sure everything was good for when we left, and suddenly he was just like, oh, you want breakfast?

And I was like okay, yeah.

Then I went up to him, He's like, oh, he's not happy. He doesn't want to go to the beach today. So you didn't tell me, And just the next day everything was coming up beut how he felt. He was mad that I said I need to adjust his son. He's like, you've been with me for nine months and you know I had a son, so what is there to adjust to? And I'm like I've been with you for nine months, but those nine months has just been

Up my mind.

You're not going to change my mind. Like I hate you for the way he was treating my son about the pea. He's like, I'm not going to.

Forget I hate you, he said.

You know, Jitless said, I'm not going to forgive you about my.

Son's pee, okay. And it's so crazy to me because we were just okay.

Saturday, we got into like a little bickering about him feeding my parents and stuff, but just not feeding me, and that was it.

But then I didn't think like anything more into that.

I guess he went to sleep that night and was just in his head because I didn't sleep with him, because how I see this. If I would have set in that bed that night, we would still being in a relationship. But then I'm also seeing it like maybe this is a sign from God, Like I don't deserve this, exactly comfortable with this person. This is my first real relationship. I normally twenty and I have more time, but I don't know.

It's just like right now, I cannot see myself with anybody else.

That's not a relationship.

Anybody move on quickly because he really doesn't care, and I don't know. He says he loved me, but how can you love me and be like this to me that he's acting like he treated me, not like I cheated on him. And this is all because you're angry and you're offended, and he's like, I love my son more than I love you, as you should. I'm never going to be that person who's like, choose me over your son, But damn have some more respect for the relationship that we did have, like and I never treated

Of that good stuff.

I did so much for him when his mom kicked him out at the age of twenty.

Seven years old.

I helped him with the place to say, even though he's always saying like I had other options, I'd be grateful for what I did for you. You know, I feel like he was never grateful for what I did And anytime I cooked ROMI, he would never say thank you. It was just something that was I had to do as a woman, you know, it was my role as a woman. And so yeah, I don't know a lot of this is just like it's bittersweet for me because.

I truly love him. I still love him.

Even though I know he had his moments where he treated me like shit. There was that moment where he treated me like a queen, and so I just feel like there's nobody out there whos gonna accept me with everything like my bond and stuff like that, like all that because I loved me some like hispanics and stuff. So have some more respect for the relationship that we did have, like and I never.

Treated him bad.

I would help to pay his bills, help him with everything when he got his new apartment, helped him find an apartment, all of that good stuff. I guess my max that I want to be faked, is like, how do.

I move on now? Like I don't know, Like it's.

So hurtful, But at the same time, it's just like I feel like maybe this was needed, Like maybe we were incompatible. I really wanted us to be compatible. We felt compatible. I don't even know where we went wrong. I don't know why he started like mentally abusing me and gaslighting me and manipulating me.

Like I just don't understand. It's so confusing to me.

Like we were just just on sat On Friday, you were talking about, oh, do you want to marry me? Like as a joke, and then on Saturday morning You're like, I want to break up? And now Monday, I talked to him on the phone. He's like, stop calling me. I don't want to hear good morning from you. I don't hear nothing from you. I don't want to be your friend because if I get a new girl, and I don't want you to think you have a say or anything like that. And I'm just like, bro, do

Crazy exxes and that's not me.

My whole thing yesterday is just don't treat me like you.

Just fucked three times and that's it.

Like put some respect on what we had and what I did for you.

I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, what do you think do you think? Like? I don't think there's no going back for and honesty my family.

She's talking about, oh, like he's gonna try to come back, and I don't see it. He's like a very stubborn, set in his way man, like he thinks this is like old school type of days and it's not. This is twenty twenty three. I don't believe in those gender rules. Whatever I can do, you can do too. And he would cook and stuff, but still I feel like he

Get me through.

If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

Well, thank you, beautiful girl.

I'm glad I can tell by your last name that you a little Latin. I tho you know what I'm saying, so you like your island men, your Caribbean men. When you first started telling me your story, until you started answering your questions about him, I was like, Okay.

Is he older than you? Is he the child? Is he African? Jesus Christ?

Just the way you said that, he's controlling and you're a sensitive person, you know what I'm saying. And then he broke up with you, you know, and then just how he's all over the place. I'm gonna tell you something right now, it's bigger than you. I'm just gonna shop your neck with that, like it is bigger than you. This ain't even about you. You said something that stuck out.

He was little. You know.

So people grow up thinking that they're fucking normal and they're really fucked up mentally.

You know what I mean.

And it's very very hard to get a man to see that he's fucked up, especially if he's been fucked up for some time. You know, you said he projected shit talking about his stepdad and his mom, or his mom and stepdad what, you know, whatever the parents' rules were you, that's what you said.

You understand what I'm saying.

And I just, in my opinion, I feel like this is deeper than you, This is bigger than you.

This has nothing to do with you. Just like when his son pissed.

Into bed and he made a big ass dal out of it, you know, telling you, you know, because you don't want to sleep in a pissy ass bed that could not only fuck your skin up, it could give you bedbugs and all types of rashes and shit. You know what I'm saying. That wasn't about no piss. It was bigger than a piss. It wasn't about that. He was also projecting as well.

You know what I'm saying.

Everything that he does is a projection of how he's been treated or how he has lived up until this point.

You know, or how he was raised.

I don't know if you know his baby mother, but I ain't gonna say look to her for insight, but I would ask him about his relationship. I mean, if y'all were together for a year, well you said ten months, y'all just you know, he just broke up with you. But have you ever asked him about why he didn't make it with his son's mother or what happened in

Where he comes from. So he was never going to change that.

Even with the other example that you gave me, when you hung out with your friend to go get pillows and you know, and you called him and he was shocked to find out that you weren't home.

He just wants to always be in control of your every move.

And stuff like that. You know, you met him young. You met him when you were seventeen.

It's not like you.

Said, and y'all started dating officially at twenty or something.

I'm a girl.

I might be getting you mixed up with something I read here at breakfast club today because this is where I'm doing this episode from. But I don't have time to go back and listen to your whole story. That was a long ass story. But I know that you are younger than him, but he seems like he's like way older Jesus Christ. And then now you said leading to the breakup, the reason for the breakup was the family trip.

You know, his kid got the.

ADHD and he even gave you a permission to verbally discipline him. But when you actually said something about the little boy's feet being on a pillow where people laid their heads, ultimately he kind of got upset. And I think you said, well, I ain't gonna think I know if I am mistaken. You said that this nigga told you that he hates you for the way you treat

Yeah, you said, when it's good, it's good, but when it's bad, it's bad.

Which one is worse to you? Which one is greater? Him treating you like shit or him treating you like a queen? Let's be honest, because because no man that treats you like a queen can equally treat you like shit too. You understand what I'm saying. That sounds like a nigga with schizophrenia. That sounds like a nigga diagnosed with bopolar disorder. That's what that sounds like. That sounds like a mental illness. That's what the fuck that sounds like.

Are you crazy?

No, this is a serious question, beautiful woman. Are you crazy?

You cannot let him be the dictator of your value.

That's what it is.

He's never nobody's ever made me feel this way. You're damn right, Nobody ever made you feel like shit like this?

Did they?

I ain't talking about the queen. Put you can make yourself feel like a queen. You can make yourself feel like shit. Would you ever cause your self harm like that?

No?

Right, don't ever let a motherfucker do that. I don't give a fuck what culture, what island he's from. I don't give a fuck what race he is, what color skin he got, how much money he got, how much trauma he had, And you want to be sensitive to him because you want to walk on eggshells and don't want to piss them off.

I don't give a fuck about none of that.

You're a woman. You deserve better, and he deserves some help, but he's not gonna get it. You ain't responsible for getting him help. Trust me, baby, nine months versus nine years as a whole hell of a lot better than for you being stuck and not being able to get out. Because a man will take everything from you if you let him. He'll take your dignity, he'll take your pride, he'll take everything from you. He don't respect you. I

That's it.

It's so many men out there that's waiting for a queen that's waiting. Listen, I'm serious, check back in with me because I don't like this.

I do not like this.

Girl.

You don't piss me off, So check back, check back in, and I love you.

I love you.

I hope you listen to this and you really get something, take something great from this, because if you have to ask yourself, is this really what love is? Did you ever love me? Then it was never that understand And he's in his own way. This has nothing to do with you, baby girl. He took nine months to introduce you to you to a child. I know some people that takes more, takes longer. You just you know, it just sounds like he's so fucking screwed up. He needs

It probably felt like nine years.

But what I'm scared is that this kind of scarred you, This fucked you up because you're still upset that he's not even telling you to come back. I know you better be done with this shit, and you better update me. You might need therapy after this. Nigga, your damn self. You see, I hurt people, hurt people, and then you will continue to cycle to hurt another person if you don't get help after this shit. Okay, I love you, check back in Damn. That story took up the whole

Taking name.

An Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and the black effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.