Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
Oh Shit, be back on the air.
Welcome back to get another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess.
Hilarious. What I be doing.
I be fixing mess and I'll be fixing it all the time, and now not only on my podcast, which drops every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast. Now, I don't gotta say all that anyway, I do it on Breakfast Club Now every Thursday.
So y'all can call up.
The number is one eight hundred and five eighty five, one oh five one the j Infies line hit it up. So anyway, the first story somebody sent me this long ass excerpt this is. This is longer than a passage. Okay, this is like a chapter of a book. And y'all know pregnant jest do Now, I do all everything, So please, I'm gonna have one of my producers read from me and then I'll fix the mess.
Hey, Jess, I.
Need some on relationship advice, as in, how do you get rid of someone who just won't let a relationship go. I'm completely over the father of my children. We've been together almost ten years and I was completely in love with that man and thought he was my best friend and soulmate. It must have been the sex because I was completely digmatized. He played me damn near the entire relationship, but I didn't find out until two years ago, and
it's been a complete mess. I suspected him cheating and things fell off, but I never had proof or he made it seem like.
I was crazy.
Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant and engaged in him. I picked up his pants and his phone fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God was basically telling me to see the truth. What was in the phone was way more than I ever expected, and he was complete slut, even fucking around with women I knew and saying the money as gifts while not helping with the household. To make it worse, he messed with women at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our most recent place.
I'm so over his lives and bullshit.
Last year, I was ready to get my own place, but he guilt tripped me and said it was best for the kids to stay together another year.
Well, this year has been hell.
He's so toxic and it still has drama with females coming to my door tells me I'm making things up. I can't deal with this. So recently I got my own place without him knowing. The lease is almost up, and I'm doing everything in my power to jumpstart this man into finding a place to live or even rehome him to another bitch for all I care, But he refuses to accept it and still makes it seem like we are going to be together. His family refuses to help and even encourages.
Him to stay with me.
I don't even know what to do to get rid of this man because he literally needs me for everything housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but rarely helps with household bills. I don't want the father of my kids on the street, and he still needs to watch the kids while I work, But I also don't want him laid up in my new apartment. Think he could say there, we don't have family that can help with the kids, so it's just us taking care of them.
So we were basically stuck with each other. Any advice t'n be.
Homing my baby daddy, and so don't fill in the blinks that you are not having sex at all and there's no chance to ever getting back together.
Just big with everything. Y'all listen, I have but everything before I jump into our story. I got everything big for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath like real oniony, but the cream cheese and it.
Is toasted with extra butter. Baby, thank you. That's all I gotta say. Now. I do not like calling my beautiful black woman clowns.
But baby, i'd be lying if I say you as in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and try again. Why are you worried about a man who don't give a damn about your feelings at the end of the day, being put out on a damn street.
Oh, because he the father of my children.
He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother of his kids when he was cheating on your ass for the past ten years. What you just found out about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped out the pocket.
And you washing his clothes.
What I believe if he ain't putting his hands on you, if he ain't got no gun to your head, if he is not holding your children hostage, if he ain't doing none of this car.
You can leave his ass. Let him be on the fucking streets.
Now, Listen, what he may do is go be with somebody else for the convenience of it. Because he seems to like being taken care of and his family raised them wrong.
Don't give a fuck.
Wud nobody say they raise them wrong because they're still encouraging his cheating ass to be with you. That's because you're taking care of him. You're not responsible for your children's father. You're responsible for the children just like he is. Leave his ass. Talk about oh, and don't there's no feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together. We're not what happens when you want to date the fuck because I know he's still dating. He just probably ain't bringing the
bitches around you. And also, if you're able to take care of him, then you should be able to take care of getting a babysit up for your kids.
Why you gotta do anything? Look, I don't care. I do not care.
I see mom's do it all the time, without their families, without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men, because every man out there not like that. And we have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now, we do this shit. You feel sorry for him, yourse to have a soft spot for him. That's crazy. He didn't have not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't
seem to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said, unless he beaten your ass up and down the house, or like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head, all that you can walk the fuck out of his life period.
Get a restraining order. Oh but then he can't see the kids.
He wasn't worrying about that when he was with Denise, Vanessa and Rudy and Claire.
He wasn't thinking about none of that.
Girl. No, I think you have lost your everlast of mind. And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women need to be told that by other women who are completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend. I don't know you, never saw you a day in my life. You know what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she should do.
You know what I'm saying. You still love them? I know you do.
You know I'm not saying that you are attracted so on or you don't you know what I'm saying, because all right, taking account me and my son's father, we are way past intimacy. We're not, you know, attracted to each other anymore. I haven't dated Rome since before our baby turn one year old. Like that's just how that is, you know. And I often say that we're like brother
and sister. So I would give Rome the shirt off my back, yes I will, But I would not give him a place to stay in my house because I am in a relationship.
I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.
No.
There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.
There are still boundaries that has to be set and have to be put between you and your baby daddy. What's wrong with him getting a fucking y'all? If he ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs. He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him as one of your kids. That's just not what it is. That's not what it's supposed to be. But about what
I was saying about Rome, Me and Rome are close enough. Well, I never want to see him on the street either, but he can't come into my house.
He can't.
And a man, a real man, would never let himself be on the fucking streets. You know, of course it's circumstantial. But if this nigga got all the sense and all the high mighty power to go cheat back to back like that and sending money to other bitches, this nigga was fucking with bitches and y'all complex where y'all live, and you worried about him being thrown out on the streets? Are you dumb? I'm sorry, Like, uh, we're not going for that. Sometimes we need tough love as women, and
I'm here to give it. But I'm serious, like this man, this is not what love is supposed to be. This is not even what a friendship looks like. He don't respect you, says, why the fuck you sending money that you don't have or that you claim you don't have when it comes to me putting your ass out on other bitches to other bitches, like why what are we doing? What are we doing here? His priorities is all fucked up.
It seemed like you were engaged to a kid. You had babies by baby a baby mindset ass Nigga, we're not doing that. We shouldn't do that in twenty twenty four. We shouldn't have never been doing it, like we shouldn't have been ever doing it. But it needs to stop now, So you need to get back in touch with me and update me.
Sorry.
Like I said, sorry for the tough love, but baby, we need to give it to each other because I would want somebody to talk to me like this if I was, you know, stuck in a situation like this, How the hell you stuck? No, that's some shit you speaking over yourself. You ain't stuck with him. No, his aad stuck. He's stuck in his own way, So get out of your way and push his ads to the side. Raise your kids, and when it's time for you to date, you go date shit.
But check back in with me, boom.
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Next story.
I'm gonna have Tailor read again because I got finished the other hand of my bage wheel.
Hey, Jess, I just needed some advice about my job.
I feel like I'm very stuck, almost like I'm trapped at this job. I'm a carrier, so I kind of like FedEx or ups, but I'm actually an independent contractor, so I own my own vehicle, but I don't make my own hours or any of the cool stuff that you actually get owning your business. And I have been working here for almost three years. My uncles are the managers. The job itself is not bad, but I can't take all the arguments between the employees myself, included the vehicle issues,
which I'm responsible for. Because I'm an independent contractor, I can never do any of my side stuff on a consistent schedule basis because I never know when I'm going to start in the day or when i will finish in the day. So I actually have a YouTube channel Tasha die Oh, But because I never know when I will start or finish, I can't dedicate as much as my time to my YouTube channel or my only fans.
It's very frustrating because I have so many ideas for my YouTube channel and more than what I want to do. But by the time I finish work, I'm very tired because my job is very physical. Then on my days off, I had to tend to my family and any other things I couldn't get done during the week. And I also believe that part of my feelings stem from me knowing what I want to do and trying to take the steps to do that, but not having very many
options because of where I live. I live in Rockford, Illinois, so there's not much going on here, but I am very interested in photography and videography. Also, I would like to take my YouTube channel and kind of make it a podcast, but there isn't very much business for that sort of thing around here. I just want to know if you had any advice that you could pass along to me, maybe how I can get my foot in the door. But also there's my job that I have now.
I'm just in a tough spot because I just I get paid a lot of money. Well for me, it's a lot of money. If I got paid hourly, I would get paid between twenty three and twenty five dollars an hour. I don't actually have any real skills, so I can't just go somewhere and start out at that much. So that's why I'm having such a tough time, because I don't want to take a pay cut if I'm not going to be doing something that is helping towards my career goal.
So I like how she saw it talking about I'm having all these problems, like with my job.
It's not working out for me, Like you know, I feel like basically I'm a host to this job and I don't have time for my only fans. What girl, Listen, if I tell people all the time, if you're doing something that don't bring you joy, if you're doing something that doesn't seem passionate to you and it feels purposeless and you're not happy and you can manage financially, do
what you want to do. It seems like you do have a passion for, you know, talking to people with communications so YouTube, being blogging and you said you have a podcast that you're starting and stuff like that. That girl, I'm not one to tell people quit jobs, because as hard as it is to get a goddamn job, and you sit in me here complaining about one, it's just
ass backwards. However, if it's not bringing you joy in your stress and every day you find your peace disturbed, girl, quit the job and do what you are most passionate about. I see a whole lot of people that stream, you know, they're only fans and they make money off their YouTube and all that. But building a platform, I'm telling you, baby, it's not easy. So un let's Tasha dot Oh already got a lot of subscribers. You will not be making money like you was at your job.
I think. I don't know if you pray.
I don't know if you know if you are religious in any fashion or whatever.
But I'm a Christian woman, and I pray.
I pray every day every day of my life, you know, and certain things I pray for When I'm confused about certain things. I don't go to people for advice. That's why I'm happy that y'all come to me. But I don't go to people for advice because I don't like for people to tell me what to day.
But go it.
So I pray. So just pray on it fast, like do you know? That's my advice to you. You do make good money, all right, So I say, give yourself about another year there, stack your money, save it, you know, pay your bills. That mean you're gonna have to cut out all your extra expenses, you know, whether it's just leisure or just for pleasure. Cut all of that shit out, really grind, build that savings account up, and then you
can invest into your business. Or why not stay at your job and use the money to invest into your blog and invest into your cause. Listen, I'm telling you you don't just gain a platform overnight. You need to invest. You need to I'm talking about get videographers. That comes with videographers and photographers and shit like you got to stand out these days. That is a very competitive space
because who the hell don't got a podcast? Okay, Like when I say, I'm so sick up everybody fucking having a podcast, I ain't trying discourage you, but goddamn, what do you be talking about on here?
But let me calm down.
I think you should use the money that you have to invest in your business that you really want to develop, that you really want to get off the ground, and you want a catapult.
That's what you want to do.
But nothing happens overnight and you can't look at your career or something that you want to do is microwavable, that's so instant.
You're not gonna be able to do that. You can't.
I've been doing this shit for about not podcasting. I'm talking about, you know, being in the social Like this is my ninth year. Now you get what I'm saying. I started this shit in twenty fourteen, so no, this is my tenth year. Like I started this ship when my son was two years old.
You get what I'm saying.
And I done went through so many hardships, you know, like with trying to build a brand and marketing, it's a lot to go into it and just having a bunch of followers and a bunch of subscribers.
You gotta work at that shit.
That's why all those people that you see at the top, they didn't just blow up last night, you know, like ad Era, You remember Diarra and Ken they were doing this shit like a long time ago. You know, some of the biggest bloggers been in this shit for like what six seven years plus.
So if you quit your job, you don't want them my fucking money.
Now, you said that you like videography and photography, you need to start offering your services. That's gonna get you out there and start getting you booked and stuff like that. You know, do you own a camera? Do you own any equipment? That's why I'm saying That's why if you don't you need that job, because that shit gets expensive as well, cameras and like I said, lighting and all that shit, and even taking short classes like you know,
like these seminars. Not all of them are scams, but some of them actually do teach you shit, you know, consultations or whatever. You know. My video guy does consultations. I loos work on Instagram. He does all my edits and that's the guy that you see that makes my video magic, my visual magic on my page and stuff. You really have to put yourself out there. But I wouldn't leave my job just yet. I get it, but try.
Oh way.
If you're an independent contractor, what you should do is you should be able to make your own schedule right or you should be able to at least work for these and take three for yourself to do your business. How old are you did she say how old she was? I'm guessing you're fairly young, but check back in with me. You know, I think it'll be wrong for you to walk away from your job now, especially since you make good money, Especially if you don't have any kids or anything.
You really have nothing holding you back.
Stack your money and invest in yourself, so when you finally leave your job, it can be for more than just the reason of or I got my own blog, I got No, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a CEO of this, that, and the other. I make my own business. I mean, you know, I make my own money, and that'll be your success story. I used my nine to five to pay for my entrepreneurship period. All right, girl, So so make sure you update me on your progress, you know, just just let me know. But I do want to
know how old you are as well. It does sound like you're fairly young, and that is the end of that story, looks.
So we got one more.
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
If you love me, you'll listen.
Oh we got a voice note, Shaw, we got a voice note. Okay, here y'alls.
Yeah. So my question was basically, being from Baltimore, I wanted to know, like, as a first generation in college student, I see a lot of myself and justin how she was able to put both theom on the map. So my question basically is how is just able to navigate her success and enjoy it while not letting survivors get to her, because coming out the city, it can feel like, Okay, I'm the only one that made it out, and that's something I'm going through right now.
Okay.
So somebody asked me a similar question like this before when I did mister Jay Hills podcast.
He's also a fellow Baltimorean, my brother.
He is now in Atlanta doing his thing, bigger than ever and only growing bigger with his business. But he had asked me the same question, Actually, do I ever have survivor's guilt? Baby girl? Hell no, I'm sorry, there's no other way to put it. No, No, I don't. And then somebody else had asked me when I first listened to your voice, No, did I feel like that
earlier on? You know, cause I've been in this game, in this business, in this industry or what you know so called for going on ten years now, you know, And so.
Did I feel that way early on?
No?
I just knew I had to get the fuck out. I knew coming from where I grew up, I looked around. This is not where I need to be. This is not where I have to be for the rest of my life. This is not where I'm gonna be for the rest of my life. Fuck, No, I can't do it. So survivor's guilt absolutely not. What I like to see more success come out of Baltimore. Yes, is that my responsibility? No, I had to get to a point like that, you know where I said that and not felt bad for it.
I used to feel bad for saying shit like that. Now I don't. Everybody is responsible for themselves. I try to help wherever I can. I give money, I give opportunities, and all of that. Now, whether or not people going to do what's right with the money and opportunities, that's on them. I have too much responsibility and too many things that's going on in my life that I need to focus on because I need to continue to grow my riches.
I need to continue to raise my child.
I need to continue I'm pregnant again, I have a family. I got other goals as well, not just to be successful financially. I have to build generational wealth. That's what I'm doing, and that takes a long time. I was just piggybacking off of what I said about the story, the previous story. No, it takes a long time to get where you really can say Okay, I'm comfortable. I'm still not comfortable where I am. I still got a lot of work today. So no, baby, I don't feel
survivor's guilt. No, I don't, and I don't think you should either. You said your first generation college went to college. If anything, the people around you, your family, and your friends should feel motivated to see that anybody can do that. We got some of the smartest motherfuckers in Baltimore City.
Let me tell you.
We're smart, We're creative, We're an innovative city. We make gold out of dirt. Okay, we can do that. Shit, I've done it. So many people can do it, but a lot of us are in our own way.
You know what I'm saying. Then, a lot of people are afraid to.
Explore new things because we get so accustomed to where where we come from and how we were raised. You get what I'm saying, And Nah, that's not the way. You gotta jump out there. You gotta step out there. And so don't feel guilty. They're supposed to feel pushed and motivated by what you do. And don't feel like you have the responsibility of taking care of everybody because you don't. You just the baby and you trying to find your way your damn self, and you've seen ambitious.
That tells me something. You have some type of ambition. You can't teach that. So even if you tried to go back and gather four or five family members to do that, they gotta have your mindset.
You had a mindset to say.
I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna get up out of Baltimore, I'm gonna do this, I'm a this, I'm this, I'm gonna at A B and C.
And so I get all the way to Z and then I'm gonna start over. You get what I'm saying.
That's your mindset. You're not stuck. You're not stuck, and you didn't want to be stuck. So if we get to get out of our own way, we won't actually ever have to blame a person for making it and not coming back to get us. How about you following me? How about you chase me? How about you follow your fucking dreams. I'm not gonna come back and get you. Because sometimes we go back and we don't make it
the fuck back out where we were. It just is what it is, and that comes with the hate in the city to see somebody who actually made it be successfubl.
So you know how it is in our city, You know how it is.
I can't speak for other cities, but I imagine that shit is not only in Baltimore City, It's in any any urban city. You get what I'm saying. And it's always like that. A lot of people want to pull you back in. They scared to see you flourished. We want you to win, but don't win too much. You gotta take us with you. But what the fuck you doing
while I'm grinding? What you're doing, while you waiting for me to come back and get you, You still sitting there chilling and shit, Nah, ain't no growth there.
I can help.
I love to help people who have potential, who want to do something.
Maybe they don't know exactly what they want to do, but they got.
Some type of some type of ambition where they can meet me halfway or just a little bit something that I can take and I can parachute that bitch. I can help you amplify what you are already thinking or with your ideas, then bring it to life and help that out for you.
You know, so, I thank you for that question.
Baby Girl, and that is the end of the Carefully Reckless episode. For today, I love you guys. I just want to give a big shout out to Atlanta. The second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival was so fun and I want to also give a shout out to Wallow and Gilly. They were funny, fucked. The engagement that they had with that audience was great. I want to give a shout out the Horrible Decisions. They also had a
good show as well. And then they said, t I came through there and I wasn't even there, Talo, Why the fucking ex them to stay for me?
You're as one finance man.
Ha. All right, y'all, Well, make sure you tune into Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect podcast network as well as The Breakfast Club on Thursdays. Make sure you call up and so I can fix your mask. One eight hundred five eight five one oh five to one.
Peace Can't.
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.