Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and the Black Effects, And just like that we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl. Just hilarious. What I be doing, I'll be fixed a mess, That's what I do. Up and down, back and forth, whatever however you see it. So we do have a voice note today, however, it's
an update. I love when I get updates because sometimes I be thinking people don't come back and like update me because I'd be too hard on them, or they didn't get the advice that they wanted, or they're offended by the advice or what have you. But I am absolutely thankful and grateful for you guys updating me all the time. I sound a little tired because I am tired child. I am sluggish as hell today, So let's jump straight into it.
Hey, Jess, thank you so much for giving me your advice and listening to my story. So I did exactly what you said. I took my well me and my best friend. We went out to dinner and I told her how I felt about the whole situation and told her you just gotta leave me out of it, and She was respectful of that, and then she asked me, is that why I have been pulling away from her?
And I had to say yes.
She was a little hurt by that, and I understood. I ended up feeling bad after we left, and I text her and I just, you know, let her know that I love you at the end of the day and I only want the best for you, and it just hurts me to see you have to go through this, So I appreciate your advice. Next question would be, I heard you say I have to elevate.
My friend group.
So how do I elevate my friend group? Right? These girls have been rocking with for ten plus years since high school, some even longer, so I don't want to just abandon them because they make shitty choices and men, because let's be real, they all do. I have another friend in North or South Carolina and she's been dealing with the same dude and his BS for about the same time that my other friend, and I understand if I have to, but I'm thirty years old, so making
new friends is kind of hard for me. I'm a thirty year old Aquarius introvert, so you know how that goes ma'am. So just I guess I'm asking you give me, give me advice on how I can help them elevate without it feeling like a job.
Though without it feeling like a job.
Yeah, yeah, because you're not responsible or obligated to help somebody elevate, you know, because at the end of.
The day, I just want these girls to be happy and know their full potential.
But I'm not going to keep repeating myself.
And like I said and then first and the first message, I don't want to keep talking to a brick wall either. But also I will feel bad just you know, abandoning abandoning them. Yeah, so if you give me your advice, Jess, that'll be helpful. Again. I love you, I respect everything you're doing, and keep on doing a girl.
Well, thank you so much, boo. I appreciate that update.
Okay, So basically, guys, this was a story a couple episodes ago where this girl had wrote me telling me that basically she had to pull away from her friend a little bit because you know, she was just constantly, constantly talking shit about her relationship to her well venting.
I'm sorry about how wrong she's being done in her relationship, but she keeps going back, she's not gonna leave, and the friend will give her advice, advice, advice, advice, and she just wouldn't take it, you know what I mean. And she she's still staying and still going back, and so basically she just wants her friends to know their worth. Now, I did tell you to elevate your group of friends,
not to abandon them as such. I know it kind of sounds like that's what I told you to do for sure, so I would have taken it that way as well. But the only reason that I had told you to you know, maybe it's not for you to get some new friends or you know, to elevate, because it started to bother you and your everyday mental and how and because you are so loyal and so connected to your girls, you know what I'm saying.
What hurts them hurts you.
And if you are going through this unnecessarily and it really has no direct ties to you and how you're living and how and your worth, because you know you're worth, you know what I mean, then that's kind of a setback for you that that's kind of draining for you. And I can see where it even leads to like stress that's like secondhand stress that you're getting, you know, from a situation you ain't even in. So that's why I told you that, you know, as it pertains to
your mental you know. But I don't I want you to abandon your friends, like you said, if we had to abandon our friends for making poor choices and men, then none of us would have friends. Almost none of us would have friends, because that happens. That happens until you actually find the one you want. I had poor tastes and men didn't even know, you know what I mean.
But that's all a part of dating and figuring out yourself and what you will take and what you won't take, and what your standards are and all that type of stuff, you know. So that's pretty much why you sound like you were very fed up and tired of being sucked into somebody else's bullshit where it was starting to bother you.
But if that is not the case, and you're willing to still be around like I said, I'm pretty sure I did say something like also, you can pull back just from that part of the relationship of friendship, you know. I don't want to hear anything about your man. I don't want to hear anything about this, because you're not going to do anything but go back so we can we can actually we can still have this friendship and be sisters, and we can still have our sisterhood and everything.
I just don't want to be involved with that that part of it because I want you to see it worth But you're just not getting it, you know, and you'll get it on your own time. When a woman gets fed up, she gets fed up. Maybe she's not tired yet. And your other friend that you just spoke of as well, they're not tired yet. You can't make them be tired of what they're going through, you know. All you got to do is just be that listening ear until you don't want to hear it no more.
Then you are.
Absolutely at liberty to say, y'all, I'm sick of this shit. I don't want to hear this anymore. Until you are able to stand on your own two feet, put your foot down, and get out of that relationship because it's not doing you any good as a friend on the outside looking in, it's not doing you any good. You're more stressed than happy. Then you just have to proceed with other factors of the friendship. You know. Now we got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast,
I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen now, you being a thirty year old introvert Aquarius baby, I know exactly what that is.
Like.
I have a brother who is in his late thirties. He's an introvert and he's also in Aquarius. I do know making new friends is not something that you guys are seeking to do, especially not at you know, your age, which is not old, but it's just a bit more seasoned than a spring chicken. If you get what I'm saying. You know what I mean, because everybody gets offended when you see when you use the word old or older, like you know, it's just you're growing up and you're
growing out of those things. But I am going to also say it's never too late to make new friends, and you don't have to do that. You know what I'm saying, You don't have to do that. There are ways you can help. You can try to help elevate
your friends going in different settings. If they're in relationships where they are not being appreciated and just being looked down on or whatever they're going through, put them around some shit that shows them what their worth is in environments where they can thrive, Like put them in different settings, you know, challenge your friends, get them out of their zones.
I'm pretty sure that they.
Have like routines that they do make them step outside of that and whatever that looks like, you know, because I'm not saying you got it all together, but you got some type of damn sense, you know, to be calling out the realness and calling out the bullshit that you see that they going through or seeing that they're putting themselves through, and they don't have to go through it, you.
Know what I'm saying. So I do thank you for.
That update that was that was wonderful that you were able to share that with me. And I do apologize if I made you feel like you had to abandon your friends, because no good friends are hard to find.
And I'm not saying that they're not good friends.
Just because they're bad at choosing men does not make them bad friends, you know what I'm saying.
Just show them who they are.
Try your best every time you can, whenever you can, to show them who they are, you know, because sometimes a lot of people need a mirror to actually bust through the bullshit that they've been taking, you know what I'm saying. So just keep pouring into your friends and you know, getting them outside of their box, you know, daring them to do other things. And I as an introvert, that seems hard. It seems like a task, or it
seems like a job. But you'll find in yourself that that's actually for the betterment of you too, that that can make you a better friend, that can actually spark something in yourself that you didn't see before, you know. So keep me posted, baby, So we have a written passage. Moving on to the next. Good morning, Jess. I've been keeping something on my conscience that I'm not really proud of and really have no one to talk to about it. So I would love if you could help me out
with some advice. I just got out of a five year relationship about two years ago, and it was because of evolving in life and wanting different things.
Okay, that's fair.
Even though me and my ex are not together, we still see each other from time to time and would always talk. But the thing that I'm not so proud of, Jess, is that he is engaged and also has a two year old with the woman.
He is engaged to.
Okay the fuck lord, Lord, Okay, okay, you already said you ain't proud of it.
Ain't gonna beat you down, all right.
Yes, I know this is fucked up, absolutely, and once he moved on, I should have too. But it's like, I just can't see him happy with somebody else. And I'm thinking, maybe he isn't really happy if he's still messing around with me after two years of breaking up.
Hmm.
But I see that he posts her on social media all the time, which he's never done with me, and they just look happier than ever. He was the love of my life and it sucks to see him be the love of someone else's life.
Oh and what is more.
Fucked up is that when she calls and I'm laying next to him, she still thinks that's the same man that comes home to her every night. Mean, well, it is. It ain't a different man. It just ain't chill man. I haven't saw him in about two weeks, and I'm really trying to stay away from him, Jess, but this is just too hard. How do I let him go? How do I move on? What do I need to do?
Hold up?
Hold up.
I know the shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial with your you'll listen, girl, Oh my god, I know it's probably easier for me to say it. You know, Easier said than done, is what they say. Girl, Get the fuck up and leave. If you already haven't talked to him in about two weeks, you're already got a head start on what you should do. You're doing good. I mean from where I'm sitting, how it looks. That's great. You haven't talked to him in two weeks. That's a hiatus.
That's great. Extend that shit.
Don't talk to him for two more weeks, and then try a month, and then try another month, until it's been a year.
Then you look up and you passed it. You know what I'm saying.
We have to stop minimizing ourselves, degrading ourselves, sharing willingly, sharing men, because that's the thing you know about her, but she don't know about you.
Okay.
Now, I'm not gonna say she's winning, but she thinks she is because he ain't about to tell her about you. But better believe you know about her, and he gonna keep on fucking with you as long as you let him keep his family and fuck with you when it's.
Convenient for him.
So you're giving him a bunch of power, a lot of power over you.
Of course he's gonna have his cake and eat it too, girl. Duh.
He ain't gotta be with you to fuck you. Yeah, he ain't got to post you to fuck you. He ain't gotta like girl, what Yeah? I want you to hear it, and I want it. It's horrible and as like vulgar as it sounds, as bad as it sounds, that's exactly how bad it is. You're sitting there being stupid for this, nigga. That's what it is. That's what it is. I ain't here to cad on, no fucking adults. You know what's up? You said you ain't proud of it.
I don't see why the fuck you. You ain't reread what you sent to me and made your own advice up to move the fuck on. And I'm sorry. I am sorry. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't and what I'm saying i'm sorry for. I apologize for how brutal this sounds, and how straightforward and blunt this sounds.
I don't feel sorry.
For you, because how about if you were that woman put yourself in her shoes as bad as you already want to be in them. Imagine if that were you and you had to find out that he was still laying with a bit she broke up with two years ago, and we got a kid together, and we're engaged.
You're posted on social media.
He ain't scared to let nobody know who he with, who he's engaged to, the mother of his child. But he's sneaking you around and you laying in a fucking bed when she called you shutting up?
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You laying there quiet?
And they gonna have the nerve to say that ain't the same man that goes home to her. That's exactly who he is, the same man that you're sneaking around with, the nigga that you used to be with. Let that shit go because that them piss me off. I'm happy that you were able to tell me what you're going through, but sometimes we need to wake the fuck up and we need somebody to talk to us just like this. I'm not here to coddle you. I'm not I'm not here to it's gonna be alright. No, it ain't all right.
It been ain't all right two years ago when you broke up. Yeah, you said it. Maybe I should have moved on when he did. So you ain't in denial. You ain't in denial. You know he moved on. You know it, you said it to me. But you're convenient for him. You're convenient. You let him do what he wants. The fuck she don't let him do what he wants, or she would know about you too. That's what I'm saying. She's not winning either, because this motherfucker's cheating on her,
on his family with you. But you really in the dumps, You really ain't winning because you know about it. In fact, that makes you a fucked up ass individual because you know about it. But he your ex, and you can't let him go do a better job, do a better job of trying. Could you sound crazy as hell? But update me. I love you, real shit, real shit.
I don't care. I still love you. I don't care. I don't care.
This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before from my own friends. You know what I'm saying from people I do know. This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before. That's what I'm here to do to help fix it if you let me, because this is crazy, honey, this is crazy. You don't have any obligation to this nigga. You don't have kids with him, You ain't married on the low, You ain't ever the girl. He can't walk down the street with you. He gotta leave out first.
Is it like that? Or you gotta leave out first. Y'all can't go out say that he's engaged. This ain't no girlfriend. This is as soon to be wife who probably about to get pregnant again. You don't know, girl. Please, I bet you one thing. He ain't never tell you he was gonna leave her for your ass. I bet you he ain't never tell you that. Now, if you can come back and do me a soiln and tell me he's told you that, I let it go.
But you'll still be dumb.
I'm sorry, you'll still be out of your mind to think that could ever happen.
He never posted me on social media.
He never don't ever compare what he got now to what y'all had, because what y'all have right now ain't shit.
He just fucking with you, and that's it.
Having his cake and eating it too, doing what a lot of men do for no reason. There's no reason you're available, so okay, cool? And then why haven't you talked to him for two weeks? Because he hasn't responded, right, he probably busy with his engagement. Yeah, his fiance somewhere. You never made it to with him. You're worth more than that shit. Get your ass up, get your ass together, keep me updated.
Like I said, I love you all right and moving on.
Just girl, this ain't got shit to do with shit.
I just wanted to let.
You know.
It won't let me give you five stars, bitch, I go give you five stars because you know you like to rape the podcasts and things. I want to go give you five stars, and they won't let me. Girl, you need to send an email to Spotify and tell them you deserve their fifth star and.
See why the folk you can't get it. Oh yeah, anyways, have a bless day. I hope you Christmas was good. Thank you boo.
Hold up, she said, First of all, this ain't got shit to do with shit. Spotify, why the fuck y'all playing with men? Don't make me have my people spam y'all comments? Because what's going on? Look like we need to talk to some higher ups because they ain't trying to give me what's mine. They ain't trying to let nobody rape me and give me my five stars.
I don't know.
I need to see what's going on with that. But before I get out of here, I just want to say to everybody, man, woman, other, whatever, Listen, If you are in a relationship or some type of situationship and you're feeling like it's a one sided thing, that's because it is. Nobody's gonna have these feelings out of nowhere and for no reason. That's because it is, it feels one sided. It is You should never have to ask yourself, does this person really love me? Am I just here
for convenience? Am I really being treated right? Is he gonna ever change? Is she going to ever open up her eyes and see what I really mean to her? Is she gonna ever? You know what I'm saying. If you got to ask yourself these questions, baby, no, No, you're not where you're supposed to be, and you got a lot more growing to do to be to be sitting there to take that to ever think that's okay. Those type of people don't need to be in relationships.
Y'all type of people don't need to be in relationships right off the bat, because y'all give more than y'all get, and people take advantage of that. People can see that from a mile away. These men, these women who prey on people like y'all. Man, y'all are great people. Y'all give so so fucking much, and you keep giving and giving and giving it to you and got nothing left. Nobody is reciprocating what you're doing. You get what I'm saying.
It is somebody out there for you. It's just that you rushing it because you Everybody want to be loved, not giddy.
Yeah, everybody want to be loved.
That's all right. It will happen when it's time. I was the same way.
I don't give a fuck. Listen, y'all saw me through some relationships.
Okay, I ain't never scared to admit I wasn't the smartest in in my previous relationships, none of them, even going back to my baby dad nigga, going back to ash father, like we were young, you know, Me and Roll made a lot of mistakes together, and then I got other and then I got another nigga. Then I got another nigga. Then I got another nigga. Then I talked to a girl to see if that was cool.
Then I almost be high ass to death. Then I you know, this is also, like I said in the beginning of this episode, this is also how you find yourself as well dating realizing.
Okay, what's inappropriate in a relationship to me? Okay? What am I willing to take? Okay?
Am I willing to settle for this? If he ain't got this part of it, can we build that together?
All right? Cool?
Maybe he is gonna come with this man, Okay, he's coming with this, all right? How can your relationship benefit the both of you? You get what I'm saying. If you got to teach somebody how to love you, that ain't that ain't bad. That ain't bad. What'll make it bad is if they don't give a fuck enough to try or to want to love you.
You get what I'm saying.
I was in a relationship with a nigga who didn't know how to love and didn't want to fucking try.
All right, cool.
I should have left that alone a long time before I actually left it alone. But I was a giver, giver, giver giver never really cared about receiving. But that's where we short ourselves, ladies and gents, that's where we short ourselves. Don't ever short yourself and know who you are. If you don't know who you are, that's what your journey should be before you jump in a relationship.
You understand what I'm saying.
That's what your homework should be. Do homework on yourself, you know, figure out what makes you happy, Make yourself happy before you give all of that responsibility to somebody else to make you happy. You understand what I'm saying. And just like that, we're at the end of another carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I said another one I should say another y'all knowing from Baltimore, y'all know that shit slip up out. I love y'all
so much. Let me go talk to Spotify real quick. Love y'all see you next week. Peace Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.