Single for the Summer

doing it. I love Tony, I love hearing about y'all reckless situations and how careful y'all are being, and how reckless some of y'all are being, and how to goddamn careful y'all being. But that's not gonna stop me from helping you guys where I feel I can. So we're gonna jump right into it. These were sent to the Carefully Reckless d M. By the way, where you can submit yours if you need Jes to fix your mess or to help fix your mess. We're gonna start with

this young lady, just please fix my mess. I am African American and I'm dating a Callcasian man l Mayo. Look she she laughed after that, because she probably thought I was gonna laugh. No, keep on. We've been dating for almost seven years now. I've never really had to worry about any racism until now. My first encounter was when I had to move into his cousin's house with him because my mom kicked me out. I wanted to invite my brother over to hang out, but it never happened.

Didn't think anything of it until my boyfriend told me why. He said his cousin said he didn't want my brother coming over because he doesn't want him to steal anything. My brother is an amazing black man. He would never do something even close to that ship piss me off. But whatever, I'm going to stop right now to tell you that's your first mistake brushing that ship off. I'm

gonna continue. Then, me and his brother got into an argument one day in front of their friends about him not being able to say the N word if it's in a song. My boyfriend and I moved next door to his brother didn't have anywhere else to go. We were all having a get together. Friends were in our backyard and the brother was in his yard. My boyfriend mentioned that he wanted to watch a basketball game. His brother said to bring a TV outside. I was like,

who's TV? Not mine? Too much going on over there? His brother said, well, ain't that what they do in the hood. I said, I don't know. I've never been. He responded and said, well, your hair looks like you've been in the hood. I had foe locks in my hair. He said this in front of everyone, and no one said anything. They might have even laughed as well. I told my boyfriend and he said his brother was just

joking and brushed it off like he always does. He's made several little comments like that, always says something about my hair or just me being black in general. What should I do at the end of the day. That's his family and they aren't going anywhere. We have a daughter together as well, which makes it worse. Well, ain't that about a black bitch? Because now he has a niece that is also black and white. She's by racial but you can't take away from her being black, which

is something that the brother clearly dislikes or hates. Now, I'm gonna tell you where you went wrong. I'm not blaming you for this whole situation, but this kind of has me. I rate alright, sweetheart. Earlier in your story, you said you brushed something off right, the comment about your brother not being able to come over to their house because he didn't want him to steal anything. He already stereotyped your brother. I don't know if you thought that deep into it or you just brushed it off

because you love his brother so much. But baby, you chose him over your brother. Subconsciously, you did that. That's something that should have never rolled off your back. I don't give a funk if you had to stay in their house or not. If you did that just to keep a roof over your head, that ain't the roof I would want to be living under. I would live outside before I live with a racist piece of ship. I'm telling you that who you are is more powerful

then who the funk you're with. I don't like that your skin color is a threat to them. Your brother was a threat to them, not because he thought he was still something. But these people are intimidated by us, to say the least over anything that we do. Now, you didn't tell me much about your boyfriend, because the brother seems to be the problem here. But your boyfriend is the fucking problem if he don't check his brother.

But that's his family. What he likes his brother may not like, but he still needs to demand respect from his brother. You now have a child with him, and I bet you, before you even got pregnant, you were experiencing racism. You said you didn't experience it until now. No, no, no, Maybe you weren't paying enough attention, or maybe you were just turning a blind eye to it. You were ignoring it purposely because you were so in love with whoever

the funk your boyfriend is. Now, I may seem like I'm coming at you and your man, and respectfully, baby, I am. We can't change the way his brother feels. We probably can't even change how you feel about your man. But you cannot be okay with abuse, verbally, mentally, racially, whatever. You cannot ever be okay with that because you want something to work so badly, because now you have a baby. Will he treat your baby how he treats you. You said you had locks in your hair, and he affiliated

locks with the hood. He affiliated bringing TVs outside with the hood, As if white people don't have hoods, as if white people don't live in trailer parks, as if white people are all clean and ship, as if child listen, m hm mm hmmm. Because white people can be some of the dirtiest, most disgusting motherfucking people that walk this earth but turn up their noses at us, they put us down. Are you understanding really what I'm saying, sweetheart?

Because your Instagram name is black Queen. Okay, now I'm not gonna put the exact name out there, but in your Instagram name it's black Queen. Do you really think that of yourself? Because if you don't, no one else will. And I'm gonna tell you what I mean by this. The moment you believe that you are a black queen, you start treating yourself that way, you start carrying yourself that way, and motherfucker's will know that ship speaks for itself. You're a black queen and you know it. You wear

it outside and in. So if you were wearing that ship the whole time, even while you were living in your boyfriend's brother's house or even being around them and ship like that, I guarantee you he wouldn't hate you to your face. He would not show that ship to your face. You were too timid, you let that ship happen, which is why he kept running with that ship. And the brother is so fucking weak, Your boyfriend so fucking weak,

he don't even know he got a black queen. He does not, or he would never let his brother even fix his little white tight ass. No lip have an ass mouth to say anything like that to you. Yes you need to fucking leave, Yes you do. And I don't even really be telling people that you need to leave. And you need to get your daughter out of that ship or she will be treated the way you were treated. But it's gonna hurt her even worse because this is going to happen as a child. She's a child. I

wouldn't trust them bitches around my baby. I wouldn't even trust them to be alone with her by herself. She would not be able to go over her uncle's house, or her grandparents house or not, none of the motherfucker's on his side. She, my baby, would not be able to be around any of them, none of them prejudice pieces of ship, I promise you. So that story had me a little all right, But you need to put yourself first. You ain't your baby for or your baby.

That's all I'm gonna saying. Mhm m hmm. Moving on, This is a short one. Hey, jas Me and this guy broke up and he said he's trying to get himself together, but since then we've been distant and don't really talk or see each other no more. But I don't feel like it's another female. But I don't know if I should just leave it alone or just have patience. Well, I'm going to give you a nice piece of advice. And this is not even only pertaining to your situation.

This is pertaining to people period. Sometimes people do have to get themselves together because a lot of people getting relationships and don't even really have theirselves together. People getting relationships and and they have things that they need to work on so they can understand themselves better so they can know what they want. A lot of people getting

relationships and don't even know what they want. How you going to know what another person wants and even be able to give it to them if you don't even know what you require? You know, so, I wouldn't ignore the fact that he said he wants to get himself together. He could be doing that. It could be another female, it could not be we don't know. And the fact that you said that you don't think it is. We're just going to x that out completely because I don't

know him. You know him, and you know him better than we do you know? And I say we me and the carefully reckless listeners. We don't know him like you know him. So I'm going to take your word that there is not another female. How was he acting when you guys were together? What led up to the breakup? What did he say? You know what I mean? Was he acting weird? Now, I'm sorry, weird is not the not not a good word to use. I have to be careful when I'm using that word, because just because

something is unusual doesn't mean it's weird. So was he acting unusual? Was it kind of abrupt? Was things going on? Did he seemed bothered at times? Did he seemed down? Did he seemed you know, you have to study a person. If you're going to be with them, you have to get to know them. I just need to be able

to know what you saw. It's good to have patience with everything, but it's still is always good for you to take care of yourself and do what's right for you and do what's best for you, because if you're ready for love and he's not, if you didn't do anything to help him make that decision of not being with you anymore or taking some time off of the relationship to get itself together. Then I think you should move forward. He'll come back if that is what he wants.

Maybe your relationship is not going to be what he wants for another three years. Do you then wait for him? No, you have to put yourself first, baby girl, always, always and forever. Put yourself first because it's the right thing. It's good for your mental Maybe he just wasn't mentally stable. I do think you should check in on him every now and then, not even trying to get with him or not even you know, trying to see him or whatever. Just extend an ear, Just extend a hello, just extend

a greeting. Just hey, how are you. I know, last time we left off you said you were trying to get yourself together or whatever. Are you okay or I'm not saying this to get back with you. I'm just checking in on a friend. Address him as friend, and depending on how he reacts to that, you'll know if he just didn't want you and want somebody else, or if he really just needs a friend and not a girlfriend, because sometimes that's the case as well. But I trust

that you would make a good decision with that. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the next one. Hey, jass, So my baby father is in jail and he recently called, not to talk to you, his daughter, but to talk to me. He was saying how he appreciates me and all I did for him when things were good, and how he's going to be a better father. He was

sorry for the abuse and everything I told him. His apology don't mean ship to me. I need to see actions, but I'm scared to even give him a chance to show himself because of the stuff he did to me. Please help well, baby girl. The fact that he calls you to talk to you and not his baby, that's a sign right there. I mean now, I do give him credit for apologizing to you, because some men can't even find it in their hearts to apologize after doing a woman wrong. You know, it's just their pride a

lot of the times. But he did apologize. But after a while, apologies are like broken records, you know what I'm saying. It's just like I'm tired of hearing it and seeing no action behind it. Yes, you do need action. But you also have to think about this. He's in jail, and we know not every man in jail, but a lot of men in jail. They get there and they don't have women in jail to talk to. They're confined.

They're isolated from the outside world, from friends, from family, from bitches and holes, you know, from girls and all that. Ship and so the people that they depend on. It's easy to depend on you, guys, because you are the only ones giving them attention. So it's easy to jail talk me out of my panties. It's easy to tell me what you're gonna do when you get home, and all the changes that you're gonna make when you're home and all that. And then when you get home, I'll

give you a chance, and you still do the same ship. Now, I don't know him, I don't know his past, I don't know his pattern. Is this something that happens all the time, Because you just answered your own question. If so, you don't fall for ship like this just because a man is telling you this ship repeatedly every day on the phone, because he's in jail. This is what he's going to do. But he didn't even ask to talk

to his baby. Before he hung up. He didn't say, let me speak to her, let me hear her voice. But he told you he's going to be a better father. Well listen. That's how you can start. Call and speak to her. Call and talk to her. Call and ask her how her day has been. Call and ask her her favorite color. Caller explained to her that you're not there, but you're going to be there. That's how you can

start by being a good father. Because you physically can't reach out and touch her, Sir, you physically can't put her to bed. You physically can't be there to hug her in the morning when she wakes up, So you can start by verbally doing these things, always telling her how beautiful she is, how how much you love her. But no, you call and beg and plead your case to her mother. Sweetheart, I think you should tell him

these things. You should voice how you feel about him being a good father right now, doing as much as he can do with what he has. If your heart is in it, I wouldn't tell you to give up, but I would tell you, even when he gets home, make his ass work to show you that's where he really wants to be that he is sorry for the abuse in the past. Now, you didn't specify the type of abuse. You didn't say whether it's emotional, physical, verbal. You didn't say that it could be all three, it

could be just one. But whatever abuse it is, none is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse, And I feel that you should still pace yourself even when he gets home if you still feel like you want to, but it's that's something holding you back. Listen to that something and make him work to be in your life. Intimately, he has to be a father to his daughter, and if you feel that he's not a danger to her, then that's all you guys. Can focus on him being a dad first before he's a man to you. Okay,

moving on to the last one. You'll really are giving me some ship to work with today. Okay, I'm still not even over the races, dude. I'm I'm so piste off with this ship, but I'm I'm gonna keep my cool because it's about just fixing the mess, not making ship messy. Earth mhmm. All right, hey, Jess, I'm going to try to keep this short. My X and I dated for about four years and now have been broken up. For about a year going towards the end of the month.

My question is should I be triggered by her actions over the last year. She is now engaged and was proposed to four months after we broke up. I'm glad that she is happy and has found the person that wants to spend the rest of his life with her,

but things just aren't adding up. My female best friends were lurking on her page after I told them not to tell me anything and found out that her new man said something along the lines of I've loved this woman for the past seven years, and she replied, I've been in love with you just as long. Mind you. We dated for four of those years, and she's never

mentioned this guy at all. Mind you. She's still trying to act all friendly with my family and sister to this day, and my sister even asked her before we broke up if there was another man. She said, no, should I feel betrayed. Let me tell you what you should feel, sweetie. You should be happy. You should feel relieved. I'm gonna tell you that's what you should feel. You should feel like there was a weight lifted from your shoulders.

You should feel like the luckiest man in the world that you did not have to experience finding out that she was in love with somebody else while you were with her. You should be jumping for fucking joy because there is a woman out there waiting for you that you now won't miss the chance to be with because you're not with this girl anymore. Because you felt she was for you, but she did not feel the same. You are a space filler until she got the courage to leave you to go be with the person that

she really wanted to be with. Now. She didn't want to hurt you. That's why she's still being so cool with your family, and she probably still don't hate you. She don't want you to hurt. She never wanted you to hurt, but she was just not in love with you. You weren't her person. I'm happy for her, but I'm even happier for your ass because there is somebody out here waiting for you. You're a good guy. Obviously you bet not be no day and push over, but you

are a good guy and you are the prize. I want you to know that, King, you are the fucking prize. Think about how you would have felt if you would have found out she was cheating on you. Think about that because in this situation, you were the other guy. It seems like he was. But they have been secret

lovers for seven years. You were dating her for four of those years, so that means that they were just working through some problems maybe, and you were just a rebound or someone that was occupying the time and loving her and whatever else you were doing for her until they got their shipped together. Now that their ship is together, they're happily married. You shouldn't worry about that ship. And

it's easier said than done. But trust me, you are doing yourself a disservice, still trying to investigate the past, trying to investigate, and they're sleeping together at night, happy that neither one of them have to lie anymore to another person. I think your female best friends and your

sisters they should also cut ties. I think your family, all of them, they should cut ties because that's not doing anything but raising more suspicion and more anguish for you, and it's keeping you stuck in the past or you can't move forward amicably, and you should be able to. No, you should not feel betrayed, babe. Not now. The only time you would feel betrayed is if you were still with her, it's okay because you dodged the motherfucking bullet.

And just like that, I'm going to end this episode on that note. Y'all tune in each and every Wednesday at seven am to carefully reckless shout out to The Black Effect, shout out to I Heart Media, and also shout out to Reckless Discussions primiering tonight episode. Make sure you catch it, listen and love it, and in my deepest Pam voice, mmmmmm, I can't believe ark. This is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect.

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