Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back with yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. Another jets Fixed My Mess. You already know how I do. This week, we got a guy. Listen. I want more of my guys to submit, okay, because you'll remember, ways back before I started to jett Fix my Mess segments, I used to always talk about, you know, broad topics
that people were scared to talk about. And one of the topics where black men and how are men predominantly black? You know, do not open up about things because men just don't feel like they can open up. They don't like to let their guards down. They don't like to be vulnerable, you know, like women do, or like women just naturally are more so than men. So I'm actually very very happy that I do have a guy who
submitted voice notes, guys, and he sounds sexy. Y'all tune in, Hey, just I am going to try to make this as short and detail as possible. So some keypactors. I am a transgender female to male transpant. My girlfriend, she's a full blown natural woman. God has loved her death. We've been together for about saying about nine months. I've known of her for like five six years. I chased her and she wouldn't give me time to day. She was
in la ship. But I finally got a chance to when she found out my job was later like down the street for her, so we started kicking it. In the beginning, everything was cool. She was this very ambitious person, like she was doing ship for her, laying gold things that don't serve her, trying to get her mental together, start a new job. And of course we knew each other's past like she was him about how her past relationships.
She was the one taking a lead on everything. She was the one getting their credits together, thinking look for houses or start buying it together. Ship like that, you know, boss bit ship. So those are things I fell in love with her about. But I also fell in love with her because she provides a space for me to be me, for me to be vulnerable, and I feel like I got to fight with the world on why
does ever to be here? So that was cool. We got together, made an official It's like all of a sudden, you know, things in her life just started going downhill. You know, I don't mind she going out here because she happens in life. I'm a very spiritual person. I believe she is gonna happen. But as long as you believe in yourself, trusting God, trusting to God, and you you know, you can get through it. I support her
through it. A lot of times she got scared because she wasn't just used to it, and she would mention a lot of times like I'm the first person male or female that she's ever been with where she could really let her feminists side out and trust to take them. You know, I'm a country boy. I was raised how to treat a woman, so I just thought it was doing what I was supposed to do. She don't losing
her job. She got very ill and had to get a surgery done, as well as some other illnesses going on to nothing like life brand name, detrimental ship like that. Before a very good few months, she was down bad. And then it got to a point where she was about to be homeless because the time she was living with her family was very toxic. So fast ward as a guy close to town her about to be homeless and trying to find a job. Me, I'm just a naturally good hearted person. I'll even I'll give a homeless
person the last thal. I got a little trying to help people. So I went and got an apartment for in my name because she couldn't because the ship with her eggs how that ship was not the fun her whole life up. But I got her apartment my name, even furnished that bitch myself, furnished bedroom, living room, kitching appliances, all that. I went that guy there for so she can get a first start in her own place again, so she can get back to finding herself, becoming independent again.
She pays the bills in apartment was wearing, got it for I don't live there. I'm a truck driver, so I'll be going all the time. I wanted her. We talked about living together. She wanted me to, but I like to follow my ancestors, my spiritual guys, and they told me now it was not the time to do it, because I'm also on a journey of self discipline and financial discipline, and I'm really just trying to stay on
the road trucking as much as possible. Right now. Stap my bread up because it's when twenty four, I'm trying to buy property. I'm trying to get my business ventures off the ground. So cool, but her being on home space, Like I know she's appreciative for her she says it all the time. And even with her new job, it's like things are getting worse for her still, like she's been this very depressive state. She doesn't know who she
is anymore. I mean, I don't have a problem with her getting away because she keeps mentioning it, and she's getting weight, she's exhausted all the time, She's been calling off for work a lot, being transieden to understand depression and anxiety a lot. I understand what any transitional period in your life can be. Cat way of told you, and I'm very patient with that. But you know, we talked about it's like you should really get therapy because there's a lot of ship from her past, even from
growing up, that she hasn't healed from. And she agrees she needs therapy, and I told her it's it's actually kind of requirement for me because I will listen to her. I don't mind being to supporting her, but I don't have all the answers to save her. And that's when therapy has to come in because that ship can get draining for anybody, and I just want her to grow and she said she understood that. And ever since, like November,
she kept saying she's going to get therapy. Then if it came, well, when Jay Ray comes in, that's when she'll have insurance from her job. I was like, well, I can't pay for you to get there. She's like, no, she don't want to do that. I was like, well, there's free programs. She don't want to do that either. There was some specific one she wanted to go to and she just wanted to wait until she had some
money first. Cool, so fast forward wearing Jane were now she had some extra money, but instead she buys concert tikis where she planning to take a trip somewhere for some festival. And then you know, I mentioned it. Girls like so have you looked to a morning therapy and she was like yeah, but I'm just scared right now because I'm going to open up stuff. I don't know if I'm ready for that. They open you up, they take it out, and it's going to hurt for a minute,
but you help. That's the whole point of this journey is to help, and she's like, I hear you. I was like, you know, if it's a financial thing, I can help you with that, but she's like, no, she doesn't want me to do that. And plus, if her heart isn't in it, it's not gonna make a difference whether I pay for it or not. I just don't know what to do, just because now outside of the depression ship depression side issue, I can stick by her
through that. But it's like even for future wise, with marriage and ship, our vision on marriage is kind of different. It's not far off. I feel like with work it can get there to where we're on the same page, as well as certain ship like holiday celebrations. With work, we can be on the same page. But I'm starting to realize, um, outside of that, like it's hard for somebody who doesn't know who they are anymore to be
in a relationship. And I've expressed that to her, have also expressed with our differences and maybe it's not the best time to focus on the relationship. Why are you going through this and not saying we need to break up? I mean, I'm gonna truck driver anyway, I'm never there. So I told her, like I even admit her, I am not in a place right now to put our relationship as a priorithy my side priority right now. It's stacking my bread because I want better for both of
us financially. And she understood them. Like I said, from experience, I don't think she need to be in a relationship right now, but I don't I think she's gonna take that well on top of what she's going through mentally, because she has had a history of people leaving her in the midst of certain ship happening in her life,
and it's caused her to have some abandonment issues. And I don't want her to feel like I mean, I've expressed I'm not going to go anywhere, but I need her to folks on her like date herself to things for herself. And when she says she does these things, she just it doesn't help. And I don't know. I don't know what to do. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial with you Love Me.
You'll listen. I know I'm all over the place, but when I visioned my future with the person I want to call my wife, I visit somebody I can trust to hold me down when I'm not on my a game at the some moments. Because I'm very traditional. Where as far as I'm provide, I'm gonna protect you, I'm leading my I'm trying to build an impart for whatever reason. If I fall off, I don't think I could trust her.
I don't know if I'm saying that right, but like I feel like, if you're gonna be somebody, you trust them with your finances, your health and all that. I don't think she would do anything bad to me, but I don't know. I don't think she would know how to handle it either, if that makes sense. But I don't know. Just as I've dealt with depression personal before, so I understand that I'm never gonna leave somebody because they're not okay. I just need to know how I
should approach this, if that makes sense. Appreciate you just thanks in advance, love you, Hope you have a great day. I love you too. First of all, I want to say I appreciate you for being brave enough to expose yourself, give that type of awareness on such a broad platform such as Carefully Reckless, and you could help other transgendered people come forward and tell their stories to me. See, thank you very much. All right, now let's get down to this girl. Man. Okay, so I understand and how
it could be very draining. Understand you you have a great deal of patience. I can just tell in your tone how you talk and internalize certain things. You really process ship before you make moves and before you know what I'm saying. All right now, with her, she was on an a game. Everything was happening, everything, all the good ship, and then she got sick, had to have a couple of surgeries, her health diminished, her spirit diminished,
her joy was wiped away, her confidence gone. Listen, that's a lot on a woman. I know that you're not undermining her pain or you're not disregarding how she feels. But I'm just telling you for confirmation as a person who had it all, who can go from that to having nothing, which is how she feels. I'm not saying that she does not. She's nowhere near where she was. That's recipe for disastrous depression. Seriously, for a long time,
what could almost seem permanent. If you understand what I'm saying, and I know you have to understand because you're with her and you see she hasn't been happy in a long time. So maybe that's where those concert tickets came from. You know that trip. It's not in her heart to do therapy yet. That's not to say that it will never be, but it's not in her to get therapy.
She is scared of those can of worms that will open up if she sits down on the therapist couch and have to unleash everything that she's probably purposely buried so deeply because she's not ready to face that yet. You can't make her ready, like you said, you don't have all the answers. You want her to get professional help, and until she's ready, she'll just be depressed. She'll be in this depressive state. So believe me, she's gonna try to do whatever that she can do within her right,
within her wants to try to be happy. Maybe that concert would be a breath of fresh air to her baby. Maybe that travel would be a breath of fresh air. Some people feel like they don't have it in them to do therapy. She may get it later, but that's not what she wants right now. She's not ready, and that's okay. And then with all that, going on a relationship with a man who's never home. That doesn't help either. Now, while you can't help that, because listen, this is your
bread and butter, this is your job. You have plans, you have places to go, and I mean that career wise, you have a plan. You plan to be a CEO of your own company. That's a fucking plan. Not a lot of people have those. I don't know what her plan is, or even if she has one, but you can't make one for her. She has to come up out of that on her own. That literally really has nothing to do with you. Her depression of where she is health wise and her confidence, it has nothing to
do with you. It has nothing to do with her relationship. You feel like she's lost everything, and she could kind of make you feel like you're all that she has because she's so used to losing people in times of triumph and an obstacle and all of that. I understand that as well, but that's still not your fault. So I understand both of you. However, you can't dim your light trying to help somebody else shine. You understand if it's going to in some type of way affect your happiness.
You can let her go without being selfish. You understand what I'm saying. Like I said, her issues are not solely with you and the relationship. It's with where she is in her life. At this point, you could still break up with her, leave the relationship, and still be a friend. Now I know she ain't using you. She only want you to pay for therapy. You know what I'm saying, Like we know that's not the thing. But
she doesn't need a friend. She also needs a therapist, She needs counseling, and she needs self love as well. She has to love herself enough to know that she can pull herself about it and ship, especially since you've confirmed to me that her health issues are not life threatening. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So now what can I do to pull myself about as fucking mud? Because I haven't been here all my life. I slipped into
this ship. Now I can pull myself out of this with the help of friends and therapy and all that type of ship. But she has to want to do it first. She can't sit around open and being miserable. Those type of people love attention. They love to stay there because that's the only way that they feel good about themselves is when other people feel sorry for them. Sometimes that's not all people, that's not all cases, but sometime, and that's what it seems like you're describing to me.
I think the best thing for you to do is to move on. I think you need to let it go. You ain't there anyway, the Nigga ship, your aunts ain't never you're my fucking trap, Robby. You ain't never there. She needs somebody who's gonna be there. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just letting you know the god on the truth. You've got things to do, and you even said it yourself. The relationship is not
your priority right now. So you still, in the hindsight, ultimately have to do what's good for you, what's best for you, and that's not being selfish. That's not being selfish. You have no kids, you're not married. There's no legal obligation. You know. I ain't like you're gonna be a dead beat daddy or dead beat husband or whatever. No, no, no, no, no no. You have a plan and you want to see it through. And I believe you will. You can help her construct a plan. You can help somebody do
something all you want. If they don't see it, they ain't gonna get it. They ain't gonna do it until they're ready. You know. That's saying that old saying. You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make them drink it. Period. You've done all that you could do. It drains you, but you can still have her as a friend. I know you love her simply how the way you talk about her, But sometimes that's just not enough. You loving someone so much, it's not
enough to some people. That may be in my opinion, it's not enough all the time. So I think you should check back in with me. I think you should sit down and have a real conversation with her. You should let her know exactly how you feel. I think that YouTube need to take a step back from the relationship and you need to let her know where you are in life where she is. Guys are not on the same page. You have different beliefs, even different beliefs
than she has. So I would confidently say a marriage between you two would not work since everything is kind of a little different. I mean, I feel like the beginning was honeymoon phase and then not because everything went downhill. You're kind of seen red flags of things that she wouldn't take charge of if you two were to take
your relationship to the next level. But either way, none of that matters, babe, because you're not even ready, because is your priority right now is your career, developing your businesses and getting your business off the ground. You got a whole fucking plan. Ain't nothing wrong with that. So it looks like love can't even happen for you until or who knows, but it ain't right now. But you could still be her friend, and if that's what you
want to do, then do that. If not, I understand that even but you can't be chained to her and be guilty into staying around because she's always been left by people. You can't do that. The question is why has everyone left her? Why not saying it's her fault? But if we're talking about more than one relationship and all that type of ship, then that's that's repetitive behavior. And then after a while, who's the common denominator? You understand what I'm saying, So it's just a lot more
to open up your eyes too. But like I said, you already got your mind made up going that road, make your money, open your business, start your business, become a beautiful, black, healthy businessman, and you know, then you'll meet your wife. I believe it's all in the cards for you anyway you follow your ancests, that you talk
to those guys and all of that. I believe they know what's best for you, because you see, they told you right now in a good time to move in and it wasn't you've seen that that came to pass, you know, But yeah, check back in with me. It's all in communication, be honest with Sometimes uncomfortable conversations are the best ones because then you leave it all there
on the table, You leave it all right there. It ain't nothing that you held back, so somebody can't say, well, I didn't know you felt this way, or I just was trying to protect your feelings. No, sometimes it's okay to have uncomfortable conversations. Everything's gonna be easy, peasy, be honest, be open, be transparent, and then check back in with me. And I love you too so very much, sweetheart. Listen
to these episodes. Been the ones. Okay, look, I'll be trying to get more it and the one story with the voice notes, and but y'all be giving me some juicy ship. These issues are getting more tense, these stories are getting deeper and deeper, and y'all be really happy me on one. I'll be over here, crime and tense and praying while you're talking and missing half to shoot y'all be saying, because I can't get past the first
ten seconds, because I'll be just oh my lord. I want to help all of y'all as much as I can, you know, So keep submitting, keep submitting. I want more more men to submit, to open up. I really enjoyed today's episode, not enjoying his pain and not enjoying you know, what he's going through, but just enjoying being able to assess a man instead of a woman. Transgender or not, it doesn't matter. I love the fact that he could open up to me. You know. That's great. That's unlikely,
especially with our men. So definitely, definitely, definitely do more tuneing in than you ever have before. We've come to the end of another carefully reckless episod sol with you hilarious. Fix my mess, Just fix your mess. I'm gonna be
fixing your mess for the rest of my life. I feel like I don't know or until podcasts go out of style, I'm not sure I should take this ship on to shut I don't know, y'all let me know, But until then, tune into co Parenting Therapy every other week Me and Little Baby Father got a new episode dropping this evening at seven pm. Make sure you tune in only on YouTube. Tune into Carefully Reckless also each and every Wednesday morning wherever you get your podcasts, and
then my deepest pandboys peach. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.