Sex, My Ex & Babies

a lot going on. I know, if anybody can understand, all of you hard workers out there who listen to me on your way to work, do understand or when you wait home from work, you know. So I just had to take the time to explain to you guys, because I don't want to leave y'all in the dark. Now. As y'all know, I just recently closed on in a state that's a huge home in Maryland, where I still am.

So I wanted to do things given, and I've never ever hosted for things given like cooked everything, serve clean. Like I've never you know, entertained and had games and all that, you know, fun and all that type of stuff. I've never been a head of something like that. And I actually did it, and I loved it. My parents came, my cousin, my son's dad, my best friend. Like I had my family there and there was no negative vibes. Listen,

I didn't even get on Instagram for Thanksgiving. I took a break not only from carefully Reckless, but from social's period. So you know, I got a lot of work to catch up on. And I do want to say first and foremost that I am sorry that I left y'all hanging, but it was for a good reason. So we're gonna jump right in because I'm back to fix and mess. This person wants to stay anonymous. Dug. Now she gets straight down the business. She didn't introduce herself. She didn't

tell me what the ship was gonna be about. She don't have no intro. This is where it starts off. I swear to God. Fast forward. Everything was going great. We had sex. Then weeks later he texted me out the blue saying this isn't going to work. I was devastated because I really liked him and could see us together long term. Shortly after we stopped talking, I found out I was pregnant. I reached out to him immediately to let him know we struggled with deciding to keep

the baby or not. In the end, we kept our son, best decision we could have made. But then he throws a bombshall let me, letting me know that he has someone else pregnant as well and was sleeping with her during the same time we were dating. Unfortunately, she ended up having a miscarriage. I actually recently just had our son. I contemplated on truly telling him how I feel because I want us to be a family, and he showed

signs that he does too. He thinks if we get together it would only be for the kid, because he is there for my daughter as well, but I don't think so. My feelings for him never went away. He then tells me after our son was born that when our son was two weeks old, that he was dating his ex again. But they're not together now, but he acts like he wants to be a family with me and the kids. Should out let it go or move on? Okay, well,

I think it's quite simple. Sometimes I feel like y'all just have to hear me read y'all ship back to y'all, because listening to this, what the hell do you think you should do girl. Now, if a man is just showing signs that he wants a family, if he's just just mind you keyword. Just if he's just a k A only showing you signs and not voicing it verbally that he wants to be with you and he wants to be a family, then that's not really what he wants. See a person, not even only a man, a person,

a right man and woman. When we want something, we get it no matter what. And if we want it bad enough, we speak it into existence. We we long for it, we crave it, we make time for it. It's not an option, it's literally a priority. So you would know if that's what he wants. You seem very unsure when you speak about what he wants, but you are certain when you speak about what you want. Now, I have a couple of questions for you, and you're gonna have to come back and write me because I'm

a little confused. You say, when you first started the story, fast forward everything. But see you can't fast forward because I don't know how long you guys been dating. Because if I'm just going off of what you said, you kind of caught feelings a little quickly and that's probably because you guys were having unprotected sex. People don't understand there's a release of energy and hormones that you swap that goes out of a woman into a man and

vice versa. When you have unprotected sex, you're attaching yourself. Okay, men can do this far better than women can. Women you have sex with a condom, okay, it may be a little easier to detach yourself, but sex is very personal, very sensual. It's mental and more emotional for women than it is for men most of the time. So you're attaching yourself to him. And you didn't tell me how long you guys have been together and tell me where

you met. You didn't tell me anything. So now I don't know any red flags other than the fact that after y'all had sex, not too long after did he tell you that y'all made me to break that's because he was probably cheating on somebody with you. He was dealing with you, but there was someone before. You trust me because you then later find out after you had just something that he was actually involved with his ex and even after your son was born, so he had

lied about it. He had eventually come clean. But I think you should let it go because this is a back and forth thing. You don't want this to be a Tara Mina and Peter situation. You don't want that. I don't know if you guys are familiar with loving hip hop New York, but Amina, Tara and Peter was like a love triangle. You know. He had babies with Tara,

and then he would go back and forth. He married this new girl name Amina without Tara's knowledge of knowing anything, but he was supposedly still in a relationship with Tara. I want to go marry someone, got her pregnant, then goes back to Tara when him and Amina ain't doing good, or when they are doing good. He's just having his cake and eating it too. He's bouncing between two women but getting them pregnant each time. So I think they

each have like three kids. No, I mean it has two kids by him and Tara has three or four. I think Tara has because she had to to begin with by him. You know, either way, you don't want that type of situation. All three of them are doing way better now and I love all three of them, by the way, but you don't want to be caught in a situation like that, because as long as a man is able to be on and off in your life,

he will. That's not something he'll ever cut off. You have to do it, and I think what he said is right. He said he thinks if you guys got together, it would only be for the kids, because he is there for your daughter as well, which is good. That's good that he's a stand up guy. And he also accepted your package along with you. But that doesn't mean you have to accept his baggage along with him. He's

not gonna leave his ex alone. I feel that they are bonded in another way because they miscarry their baby. That's not an easy pill to swallow. That's very hard, you know, and I don't know the circumstances. You didn't really tell me everything, but I do know that this does not look good for you if you proceed to pursue this as a relationship. He's already telling you everything you need to know. It doesn't matter about the signs

that he shows. I mean, that's just good sex. I mean, that's that's because you know he has you right there for whenever. But I think you should check back in with me and let me know how it goes. I think it needs to pay attention to red flags and signs. I think you're so busy wanting that family dynamics so bad that you're you're turning a blind eye to everything

else that he's doing. You know what I'm saying. You're making it out not to be that bad, and it will end miserably for you if you keep yourself in this. You know, so check back in with me, let me know, give me a little bit more clarity on the back story of you and your man or whatever he is, her man, y'all, man whatever, let me know. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast,

I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, Hey, Joss, I've been celibate kind of by choice for almost a year now, and this ship is difficult. I have a baby daddy that I would like to use for the parallel tango, but we ended things rocky. We had a very hostile, very volatile relationship at times. So that kind of makes me think twice on the fun buddy situation. So should I just keep on waiting for the one to come along? Or should I just get my rocks

off with baby daddy. It's too much stuff going around these days, so that's why I want to stick to someone I know. And it's hard being celibate, especially when I'm ovulating. I hate being a woman sometimes. Also, even though we ended things rocky, we're still cool with each other. Please help me figure this out. Thank you, and then she sent another message. Sorry, last thing though, don't have

to be included with the mess unless you want. But on your last episode of Fix My Mess, the girl with the inconsistent baby daddy sounds a lot like mine. Like to the t, could you ask her if his name is Corey because he never told me about having another child or baby mother. I'm trying to see something. Thank you in advance, girl, No, girl, I ain't asking how that that is so funny. Let's get back to

your mess and then we'll address Corey and them. Okay, so you have a baby daddy that you do but you don't want to jump back in bed with because y'all have y'all had a toxic ending, a rocky ending. I wouldn't call a toxic because y'all had a rocky ending. Okay, well, it doesn't matter if you guys had a rocky ending. How are you guys with co parenting because you say

y'all are still cool and all that. But if you'll cool with each other but not cool enough to have sex every now and then, that means it ended on some infidelity type ship. That means it ended where you can't trust Tim, but you know him so you're most comfortable with him. There are a lot of things going out here these days, and your baby father could be one of the carriers or what the fun is going on out here. You never know because you haven't had sex with him in a year, So that's kind of

like having sex with someone new too. I'm pretty sure you don't know everyone that he sleeps with. You don't know everything that he does, and he don't know your every move either. I know, being celebrate as hard. I actually did it for eleven months one time. It is hard, but that's when I introduced myself to toys. Now, if you're not one of those women who don't enjoy self pleasure, you know um and you know we got all types of toys, bullets, roses, all types of goddamn toys out here.

If you don't like to partake in that kind of stuff, I do understand there was a time that I wasn't comfortable to play with a toy either because I didn't know where my own spot was. I didn't know like what spots the hit. I thought that I needed a man to sexually satisfy me. I really was under that impression that a toy could never do that, because that before you get introduced to toys, you're like who sucks themselves? Like who who literally takes enjoyment and pleasuring themselves? But

if you don't know how, then I get it. If you feel like you're ready to break your celibacy, then do so. I will not hold you to the chains of celibacy if that's something that you want. You know now you are a woman, and yes we do have needs just like men. But just like you're back and forth in your mind about sucking your baby daddy, that would be anybody that you would meet. You can jump on a dating site, meet somebody, you can start going

out meeting people ship like that. I would take my chances. I'm just gonna let you know what I would do because I don't have really a concrete answer for you because it's something you ain't telling me about you. That baby daddy. But this is what I would do. I would meet someone new and let them know up front what I want, you know, and then however it goes is however it goes. I remember doing that with my last relationship. I only wanted sex from Daniel. That was,

you know, my most recent relationship. I only want a sex woman. Then I fell in love with his dass like you know what I'm saying. But I was up front with what I wanted and so was he. We both never really wanted a relationship from the jump. That's just something that we developed as we went along to get to know each other as friends, and as two friends that was having sex two people that were having sex every now and then, well a little bit more than every now and then, you know what I'm saying.

So I think it's worth giving it a shot meeting somebody new. Now. If you don't feel like doing that work, then that's fine because you do have to get to know anybody that you lay down with. Yes, these days, back in the days, in the future days, whatever, I don't really think that anybody should go around just having sex with people that they don't know. However, like I said, girl, you don't know what the funk your baby daddy been into.

And I also understand that there are a lot of things going around out here, but there are also a lot of condoms still being sold too, unless you just ain't one of them. I advise you to protect yourself whatever you do. And then if you really don't have no real intention on ever opening that door with you on your baby daddy again, I wouldn't do that anyway. I would stay away from that because then that prohibits both of you from future relationships outside of each other.

You're always gonna start having these feelings come back because you're all about to start being intimate again. You can get pregnant again because obviously you don't like condoms all right now, I'm I'm joking, but you gotta really really sit and think about it. Is it worth me laying down with Corey again. Well, he suspect that we're trying to get back together, Well, that then open the door for me to have all these feelings to come back.

You have to think and be careful about that. Anyway, check back in with me, girl, But I'll check on that Corey situation. I'll reach out to the girl and I'll let you know have a good day. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on to the last one. Hey, Jess, I need you to fix my mess. So have an X that will just call A. We dated for about a year and a half back in twenty nineteen. We

broke up mostly because we grew apart. However, at that time I started having an emotional relationship with someone else, and he was also texting a previous ex of his. Despite the situation, we did end on good terms and have remained friends, even casually hooking up here and there. Here is where it gets messy. My ex a has a girlfriend. He started dating her a couple of months

after we ended things. I'm not proud to say we have hooked up several times during their relationship, and recently he messaged me telling me that he misses me, he misses our relationship and wants to spend time with me, not just sexually. When we were together, he was going through a very rough time and I stuck with him through it all. I never stopped loving him, and I believe the feeling is mutual. However, I recently started dating someone who I really enjoyed spending time with and he

treats me like nobody ever. Has Not to say my ex treated me bad because he didn't, but our relationship wasn't perfect. Also, from the first date, it was like we instantly clicked. So what do I do? Just do I talk to my ex to see how serious he is and where he sees things going? Or just move on with my new boo? Who will call D And I also forgot to add the mess. My male best friend of about twenty years recently expressed to me and my father that he has feelings for me, and I

can't say I don't feel the same. But he also explained that he's scared to ruin our friendship, which I am too. However, I find him very attractive and we have shared explicit photos and videos with each other and still talk frequently to this day. Girl, you a goddamn busybody. Okay, First of all, you're not even in the love triangle? Baby? You in the love square? How is you? And three niggas all right? Now? Wait a minute, I got to go one nigga at a time. I can't be Jesus

christ All right, let's start from the beginning. So your ex boyfriend A, y'all were together. I get that, and y'all dated for a year and a half. You saying y'all broke up because y'all grew apart. But before y'all broke up, y'all both were talking to other people. He was talking to an X and you just started talking to somebody that you had been interested in. So y'all ended up breaking up, like you said, but on good terms. He got in a relationship with somebody, and then you

got in a relationship with somebody. But y'all still both cheat on your partners with each other. Let me tell you why that is, because nobody can just get over someone that easily. Now, you were there for him, he was going through a dark time. You never stopped loving him, so y'all shared a different type of bond. Okay, So I imagine he doesn't have anybody else who's ever done

that for him. I may be wrong, but he'll always have a special place in his heart for you because you were there when he was down and he was going through that rough and dark time. And people do need those type of people. You need friends, you need family. You need support when you're going through times like that, and you obviously ever left him filling down, you always were there. That's something he'll never forget. So that's why no matter who he's with, he'll always cheat with you

no matter what. Okay, now, you now you do know what you reap is what you saw. And you said that you knew that he had a girlfriend, yet you were still sleeping with him. But y'all were cheating on each other when you are were with each other. So y'all just a bunch of damn cheatas anyway. So I ain't gotta give you no advice on that, because girl, you all over the place. Then you got a damn best friend that came out to goddamn what work and told you and your dad that he loved you, and

you said, I can't say I don't feel the same. Well, how the hell do you feel the same about him that he felt about you? But you're debating on leaving the nigger that you with right now for your ex a. I can't keep up with you. Now, You've got to stop this now. The question is what do you want? Are you ready to settle down and be in a relationship are you? Are you ready? And even when you do get in the relationship up and settle down, are you still gonna cheat with A or anybody? Or be? Be?

I'm gonna give best friend be because you know that's best friend because I'm pretty sure D don't know that you're cheating on him with A, and I'm pretty sure they don't know that you really secretly in love would be. You need to really self internalize everything. You need to just sit and think about what it is that you really want. Are you even ready to be in a relationship. That's why people have to stop thinking that love is just a game. Okay, you have to stop thinking that.

And you may not even realize that's how you treat it, but you're treating this like a game, almost, baby, This is like a competition. And there's three different guys on the line who obviously all three of them love you, and you love all three of them, you know, but you need to really really figure out what it is that you want so you can be in the right

mind when you choose the right one. Okay, girl, check back in because you're a busy body, all right, And just like that, we come to the end of yet another Carefully Reckless Just Fix My mess session. It's been good. Tune in each and every Wednesday, and then my deepest pam boys peace h H. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.