Saving Y'all On Set

doing this episode. So I'm still helping all with y'all mess. We're gonna jump right in and we got some voice notes. Y'all know this makes me happy, happy, happy because I don't have to read all y'all non punctual asses. All right, here we go. Hey, guys. First off, I love you and I've been keeping up with you for a long time. I can't wait to finally see you on the your shows, girl, because I'm always gonna laugh and you keep me cranking up,

so thank you. So I'll just teach you with the headline, which is I need help fixing my mess because I'm obsessed with my ex and get ahead to rhyme. But this beast year, just like it's been getting out of hand and at my big age, which is thirty one, newly thirty one, I need to stop. Never in my life have I ever hited me and made me feel his way. So my question to you is how do I move on and let go? Just let go and

move on. I'm really having my struggles with that, and I'm hoping you can help me fix it or just give me some advice because your girls just feeling little. So honestly, I'll try to make this bank story quick. So I met my Mr Big and when I say Mr Big, yeah, I'm talking about like how Carrie Brashaw having Mr Big and sex in the city. So I met how when I was twenty one and he was twenty five at the time again this year, and he was everything to me. The connection was truly Junior Waine.

We share common and tradus and we just had a lot in comment, even down to the gym. So during his time period when I met him, I was going through a lot. I was going through a situation no car, not have my own place, and I had a two year old daughter at the time. My relationship with my child's father was terrible and to better explain it, it was absolutely frustrating, like trying to comparing with my child's father. It was like we couldn't even agree that one plus

one equals too. So, needless to say, when I met my Mr Big, he was a birth of fresh air. So two months in, while my Mr Big was being the best thing ever and having me on cloud nine, no sex involved, he was helping me out and being consistent, making me really happy, like he knew how to listen to me and have real conversations, intellectual ones and funny ones. I felt like I met my best friend, sold me. I was mainly in love for him bomb show. He

admits he's married. Instant heartbreak, so I left. He chased me down while I was an emotional rank or a period of time. I definitely didn't make it easy for him, but my intentions was to leave because I knew it was the right thing to do. And finally I gave in sex included. Shi got rope when he told his wife about me, and that was just a whole another

fucking chapter, but I'm skipping all that. Maybe not so wife came to me as a woman, even admitting that she cheated on him thirst and wanted me to fall back so they could work it out. Ranted they were, in fact that family with two kids involved. I'm not into breaking up our families, but I'm like, bitch, you clearly wasn't thinking about your family, and I know we all make mistakes, but I'm in too deep at this point, so I attempted to walk away, Like several times, I'd

leave and come right back. And it was a back and forth, back and forth thing for several years. When I finally got the courage to let him go, like literally, I'll say like a year later, they finally got divorced, an official divorce. I automatically knew he wouldn't need time to recover and get adjusted to his new normal, maybe even on a couple of bitches. At this point, I leveled up a lot, no home card, career and phone number, same email, unfortunately, which is how he got in contact

with me. We fucked and he told me later how he has a new situation, but it's rocky. I'm pissed by this point because we just sucked in. I felt like him telling me after the fact reminded me of how he told me how he was married long after I fell in love with him, had I known he had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even had slept with him. Maybe y'all would have had he been up front, But let me decide, because now I feel like I'm playing

side check to your new bitch and I'm living. I'm living because I feel like damn Like it's like, man, you just see me as being a savage to whoever you dealing with, Neil, And I've been in that side bitch category for so long with you because I had hopes that you would leave your situation us. I know, cliche, but it's my truth. And I was very much younger at that time, but I was so in love with this name that I stayed around and I shouldn't hear if I should have just walked away, no matter how

I fucking felt or whatever. But that was me at two being dumb and stupid, and then twenty three being dumb and stupid. You know, I'm like, oh, new year, do big, Like I'm just trying to be on some whole different type of time. However, it's like that's like, once he came out of that situation, I honestly thought that him and I stood the chance to where we can finally come to each other both single, he's not with nobody, I know, with nobody, So now we can

work on us eventually, not so quickly. So I'm not trying to sound like I'm blaming this thing entirely on me. I do take accountability, you know. Yes, he played his part with telling me, you know, things that I chose to believe. But aside from that, it's like one time and I were fully single. I want us to gradually grow.

Bottom line, the nigga ends up ghosting me, and we spend a whole of time together and I'm thinking it's finally us officially bonded and growing towards our future, thinking we about to be on this whole new chapter for us,

and this nigga end up ghosting me. By this point, we find us into a pandemic or whole pandemic, and it makes me think of it Beyonce and justin timber Lakes song The End of Time, and it just had me thinking, like, damn if if this is we're going in like not because of like as long as we're together as a family, I'm happy, you know, And it's just so crazy. I don't know what can I say.

It's like I was shocked because he was never one of ghost me, and that ship really sucked me up because I was always the one doing a ghost thing, you know, or the so called ghost and but it was just like damn, like you you know, turns out you ghost me because you got her pregnant and you know, you didn't have the balls to tell me that you had a baby on the way. And it's like then, you know, turns out the following year y'all had a

baby or whatever. And I found out. I find us out through a family friend and because again we're not on social medid or whatever, and and it's like, you know, and I'm not gonna lie. I was happy for him and everything, but I cried like a little bit, you know, and and I had to get it out of my system because it's like, this is the man who I

wanted to spend the rest of my life way. I want to have a child next and all that, and it's like, damn, I had to be the one to pop a playing b Hold up, hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on or whatever. He had a beautiful baby boy. I'm happy for him, and then it's like he not even with the baby mom, no more or whatever, like

that was a done deal. And it's like wow, you know, so I do think like that that could have been me in that situation, however, and moving along, it's like boom, he asked me on social media, you know, and this is like two years later, and if you knew her history, you knew we never followed each other on social media at all. He follows me on Instagram, so I follow back, and it's like, you wanted me to see this ship down. You engage, but you're not even with baby man number

one or two. You gotta hold new bitch, And it's like, okay, cool, I'm happy for you, but no, I cried like a little bit or whatever. It's like because you see the Insta rand stories being posted up and everything. It looks all terrific, and it's like I got me thinking, like damn, and I know I wouldn't be tripping so hard if I had a good situation going on for my own self, you know, and I was involved with somebody when I was in love, but I'm not. That's not my reality

for me. Unfortunately, you know, the dating pool is full of ship impiss and it's like he's the only man that I ever had a real connection with, and it's really hard. It's a real hard pull to s follow, you know, because it's like, I don't know, I know, I sound like a crazy person, but this is just the truth, and I'm just like, how the funk do I move on? Do I block this motherfucker? I don't

have the balls do that. I told myself I wouldn't go back on his page, So mind you, him being engaged currently is more recently, Like this is like I found out he was engaged summertime of last year two so prior today, I found that about for my family friend, another family friend that he was you know and engaged

and everything. And it's like, yo, I guess I gotta tell these family friends don't keep me up with ship because it's just it's just too much and I'm not taking it as well as I thought I would it. And again, like any any information after that, it was all learned by me, like because I'm the one over here lurking and searching the pages, so it's like I'm

looking at her page, I'm going at his page. I'm finding information even down to the part that gets me that how and again I know that will work for her, don't work for me, will work for me, didn't work for her, But however it's working right now for her. Ship might as well to say, because they only would know each other for a year and got engaged. And that's a slap in the face to me because I'm like, damn, and how many fucking years that I waste on you?

But it is what it is, you know what I mean, like, and I'm just trying to I just don't want to be like on it, like I'm not this person, I'm not this woman who. I don't hate the girl, and I want to make that very clear. I do not hate her, you know. I notice sound like I'm hating Ship,

but I don't hate her as a person. If anything, I admire her because I'm like, yo, it's a lot of her that I see and myself, Like, it's a lot of things I've seen me and her got in comment, it's a lot of me that I see I heard, so I'm like, what the funk? Like, you know even then too, our body shaves and just how you know, like some of the ship that she'd be posting. Again, this is me just being upset and lurk in or whatever and and not on something like obsessing all day.

But this ship takes up a lot of space in my fucking mind. And I'm just being real honest, like because I sit and reflect like damn like ten years and reflecting back on how it was and the fact that I haven't met a man yet who makes me feel the way that he does. And you know, he

was a man who really really saw me. He gave me my flowers when my baby father was giving me garbage, you know, giving me a lot of ship and hating on me when I when I elevated, and you know, instead of being proud like, oh my baby mind going goove with her life and and you know what I mean, and me and my baby father in a good space

now or whatever. But it was just you can only imagine how disgusting it was for me to just like just deal with all of that, and and how it really made my Mr Big look like Mr Big you know what I mean, Like he was Mr Big Shot in my world. So how do I move the funk on? Is just where I'm at, Like I don't want to be this person. That's just like, you know, being this way or whatever. I don't I'm not trying to cause harm to nobody. I'm not like that. I'm not in

that kind of mental space at all. But I do sit back and just think so much. And then on top of that, it's even worse than like, Okay, I know I'm getting my body goes together, but she get her body goes together to not only just that, but he also looked so much fucking better. Keeve been mine when I met him. You know, we had a lot in common with like keeping our weight down, working out jim dates, all the kind of stuff stuff that I see them do now, and they don't work out these

together and everything. So I'm okay, I see only work at videos, That's what's up. But him, like I've always been attracted to this man, Like this man's found the motherfucker. I just might have to insert the picture so you can see what I'm tripping on. And that's just the end of that chest. I'm sorry to be so long windy with this whole thing, but how do I move the funk on? And just like full big, like what's your vikes on? That because I don't know, I'm not

a crazy person. I got a lot of good things going on for myself. I do the day, and I said, the dating pool sucks, but and you know, I love just being a mom and doing what I gotta do. But it's like my know, you know, my operlation clock, you know, it was taken away, you know, and it's like eventually I'm one another baby in its heart trying to pick a motherfucker. Because after going through my first situation,

my first baby father, they already get PCs day. So I told myself I was not having another baby, and so I found the one and it's like, man, it's hard, Oh my god. Also, just I just would like to add that the way that this impacted me, it has this pros and its kinds. And so just to mention the pro once I found out that he was he was engaged. Last year of two, summer two, I actually just went hard. It put a battery in my back and I went into to a gym because I know

I picked. I put it on a lot of weight since the pandemic, So I d losing thirty pounds before the year was out. That was my goal. UM twenty five my goal. It just did something to me, So that's the that's the pro point, you know. But um, I mean and not to use that as my you know, motivation, my drive, but it has been, you know, just be honest.

So I don't know. I'm just trying to get ready for a whole new thing because I'll be damned sitting up here, you know, watching them and had a beautiful way, you know whatever, and I'm over here just all out of shape by the way, like at depending on these fucking quarantine pans. So um, but yeah, that's all I want to share. I just you know, it's it's prosing

kind toy. But best believe I'm not all crazy like sitting outside his man's house or stalking her like I don't even know the girl, never met her, you know. So like I said, the stalk it is so bad. It's wearing like on social media because like I learned so much off of their page because um, they post so much, they post every thing. But that's what that is. So I just want to want to be in a hold new space. So that's what I want to Thank you, just thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to

this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So I told you all, I'm at work, So now I gotta walk to the front go get my goddamn food, because that's just how it is on set. I don't like the ship that he got here. All right, let

me get to you, sweetheart. First of all, I want to say thank you for being so open and so vulnerable with such personal information like it's it's something that you that women often feel ashamed of sharing, how vulnerable they are and how dumb these men make us feel, and how stupid we may feel that they make us look. And we ain't stupid. We know that we're not, but it's easy to make us feel that fucking way. Hello, thank you so much, baby girl. All Right, there we go.

I'm about to finish talking. I just had you. Gotta fucking work at work. I'm doing my fucking podcast, wild iman fucking podcast. Say okay, lord, I got cramps, Lord, Lord, Lord, and you'll get my food at the front. I got cramps, y'all. This is a lot, but it's very very real. All

right here we go. Sorry about that. Okay, So what I want to say to you, I'm gonna tell you immediately what I feel like your problem is No, I don't think that you're a hater, but I think that you're so busy being envious of the time that these women have with him versus you focusing on yourself, you leveling up, knowing what you're worth, and realizing that you're never gonna be first to him because you look up. Ten years is gone and you've been playing seconds since

you met him. You understand, when you learned that he had a wife, you were upset, you were disgusted. The anguish took over, but you still never let him go. You still never set a boundary and said, oh no, I can't funk what you you married boom. In fact, you saw comfort and being with him because his wife had admitted to you like she cheated on him, So you felt like it was okay. So you made a mental contract in your mind and you you stayed bind it to it. Whether you really want to admit it

or not. You put yourself in the situation, you kept yourself there. It's like you negotiated the terms yourself. Okay. So since his wife cheated on him, shan't running about a happy life paying a happy wife with her husband. So now that allows him to be able to cheat with me with no regard for her feelings because she cheated first. When in fact, you want to one day become a wife. You would give anything to be in her position, because she's the wife, right, that's what you wanted.

You wanted to be a wife, You wanted to be a family. You want to have him as your husband. Nobody has ever made you feel the way he made you feel. You, God, damn right, nobody has ever made you feel second. Nobody has ever done that. Oh, your baby daddy did, and this man makes you feel the same way. You know. I'm laying on you think because you I'm telling you, I'm regurgitating back what you told me about yourself. And it takes for someone to hear

it from somebody else's mouth, something about them. Um, you can tell me story all day. You don't hear it until you hear it back. You really ain't listening until you hear it somebody else tell you your ship back to you. I want you to think about that. Think about that. You're never gonna be number one to him. You never was. Not saying it didn't love you, not saying it didn't feel anything for you, but he's obviously a womanizer. Ain't what the first baby mother? Ain't what

the second baby mother? And he wouldn't be with you, and you kept saying you wanting to be in their places for that time being that he had with them. Why you in your place? You was just as free as the bird and didn't even know it because you was holding your own self captive to him. He wasn't even holping you captive. He just figured that you would be there every time he called, and you were. So that's how you move on. You look up and you realize how fucking free you are, and that you're not

even that wife. Stop lurking, Stop stop looking at that ship for what. I don't care what what that life may look like on Instagram or or whatever. You know. God damn well, behind closed doors, that man is still cheating on her because it's a couple of yous that he's had. Apparently he loves younger women that he can pull the wall over their eyes and ship. He getting older, Hell, he's getting older. He ain't getting no younger. Yeah, the dating pool is full of ship and piss, and these

niggas love to swim in it. So that's what he's gonna keep on doing what a wife. He just sucked you last year and he was engaged. He ain't ready to get married. It looks good these days. People get married for the wrong reasons anyway, just to have those great pictures to capture and share with the world full of motherfuckers who don't know or give a funk about them. You better get yourself together because you sound very intelligent

and two goddamn good. There a lot of another ten years go past chasing the motherfucker who ain't gonna chase you, Okay, running up behind this man girl, and he only four years older. Years, he ain't getting no motherfucking younger. He looked good, bit you look good. You know how many other niggas out here looked good that don't belong to nobody that's waiting for a woman like you because you

don't belong to nobody either. You don't belong to him because he's never claimed you and you know, took up all his damn episode. Girl, you better check back in with me. That brings me to the end of this just fixed my mess episode for carefully reckless. Y'all tune in each and every Wednesday when you're way to work, when you wait to take them babies in school, on your way to the gym, whether you gotta wake up, listen to go back to sleep, sparking your morning blunt.

It don't matter. Tune in and tune It's a co parents and therapy with Just and Rome This Wednesday, every other Wednesday night at seven pm and in my deepest pam Boys, I love y'all. Peace Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.