Reckless Replay: Never Number One

us about be listening to y'all. So people have been getting snatched up left and right, Like I heard you telling just our business thinking that she could fix our shit whole time. You know what I'm saying. I had some people writing me right and say, oh my such and such had wrote you or sent you a voice memo, but they didn't tell you the whole story. And so now I gotta tell you, but that person never sent it.

That was only one person that did that. Then I had another person, and that uh said that their husband had wrote me. It wasn't even a voice memo. They just knew their story and how their significant other typed damn Ain't that some private eye detective shit. I know that's right, I know that's right. So I think that's why we haven't been getting a lot of voice memos. However, we're gonna jump into this reading right here. Jess, please

fix my mess. The backstory is so long, I don't even know where to start, but the short version is, I've been this guy's mistress for about ten years. God damn. He has a girlfriend pretty much his wife, no kids together, but they both have kids from different relationships. It's clear that he's never going to leave her, and I've always known that whatever. Fine, No, the fuck, it's not whatever. Fine, girl. I like him and maybe even love him so much that I'm willing to be his ride or die mistress.

It's so many things wrong with that, ridd or die mistress. It's bad enough that you already a mistress, then you his ride or die. When the fuck are we gonna stop making ourselves available in this accessible to a man ride or die? No, I don't even care that. It's just the saying words whole power, and I honestly hate that. I've never used that term for myself, not as a teenager, not as a woman in my twenties, and now I'm in my thirties. I don't think I ever wanted to

be a nigga's riddle. Die, I'm telling you, huh uh, All right, I'm continuing. So she says, I'm so crazy about him. I even moved into the same building as him, which his girlfriend also lives in with him. I mean, will due, I literally live over top of him. So lately he's been busy at work and has not been giving me any attention, which is off to me because he always makes time for me. Paranoia got the best of me, and thoughts of him possibly seeing someone else

came to mind. Well, how many other people he got time to see If he lived with his girlfriend and his other girlfriend live over top of him, what the fuck? Maybe he might be seeing someone else. Girl, He might be seeing his girlfriend, that's what the fuck happened, and she may have found out about your little ass, and so he need to take the attention off of y'all real quick, cause shit getting hot. You don't understand now if it is somebody else, what are you gonna do?

What does that make you number two or number three? What does that? I mean You're not number one? Now, listen, you don't have a problem with that. Be that as it may. I'm here to tell you that's some bullshit. That's wrong. I don't know how old you are. I don't know what you're doing in your life right now, but I mean, I can't even say that you're a young woman. I know you've given ten years of a

one sided relationship to a man. And the reason why I say it's one sided because I bet he's your only one, but you're not his only one, and you don't. I hate to talk to other women like this, but wake your ass up. Do you know you're so valuable, You're so beautiful, you deserve to be the only woman a man is with. Do you not know that you know what I'm saying. I need you to wake up here.

I would love to know how old you or I would love for you to write me some more and give me some more information about you, because baby, I feel very very sorry. Actually I am very very upset with you. I don't feel sorry for you, though, because you willingly gave this nigga ten years of your life. You willingly did that. I hope you ain't in your forties. I hope you ain't in your thirties. Baby, I hope you're not older than twenty five. That's what I really,

really fucking hope. And I hope this saints some old last man who got money, because I hear this story all too often. Baby, you can go get your own money, or you can get you somebody your age with some other fucking money, or you know what I'm saying. And it's so many, so many opportunities of love for you in life. And you and you're sharing willingly, sharing a man with one, maybe two other women. That's some crazy

shit you live in. All y'all live in the same building with Inntara, Peter and Amna going to fuck on what is going on? I know you better not get pregnant, and I know you better not ever think about knocking on ay motherfucking door because guess what who ain't gonna leave her? Okay, she lived with the nigga. She the closest to the nigger than you. You still live by yourself, so there's still hope. Because he ain't living with you. You need to move out that goddamn building. I'll tell you that.

But I'm also tell you this. I guarantee you if you leave this man alone, he'll come crawling. He'll come crawling, and you gotta be strong enough to say no. See, he's used to you chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing. That's why he put you on the back burner for whenever it's convenient for him to talk to you, for him to deal with you ten years. Girl, please leave that motherfucker alone and still stay in the same building.

If you can't, just up and leave. So I say, still stay in the building, but start dealing with somebody else, Start having another nigga. Come over there, girl, what the fuck? Get your mind off that shit. That man is downstairs, not worrying about you one bit until he sees you, until he lays his eyes on you. And he's probably scared to death every fucking night that you're gonna knock go on the fucking door, you know what I'm saying. But that ain't gonna do shit, and ain't gonna do shit.

She probably she probably will be mad at them, but she ain't gonna go nowhere. You just told me he ain't never leaving her. You think she leaving him? And do you think you the first person that he cheated with. She probably already know he cheated, you know what I'm saying, Or he's cheating, so you gotta be smarter than her. You gotta be smarter than him. Get the fuck about the situation. Update me and give me some more meat on the bones. Let me know what you end up

coming up with. Girl. Let me know what you come up with. I can't believe that if you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Move it on, Hi there, Jess, please fix my mess. I took a break from dating, and I decided to cut my family completely off the beginning of this year. I realized that I was carrying this childhood trauma for

twenty years and put it past me. When I cut my family off, m I finally came to terms that my mom will never sincerely apologize for choosing a sick man over her daughter, and my siblings picking sides. Lately, I've been smiling a lot, more social and the word no has become my favorite word to say. I know what that feel like, boll. I am in full control of not letting anybody disturb my peace. I know that's right. The minute I've recognized a red flag, that person is

getting dropped with no more warnings. Now I am ready to start dating, but I feel like I won't be taken seriously. Since I am not close with my family. Do you think a man will still want a relationship with me if the chances of meeting my family is very slim? Thanks in advance. All right, well, baby girl, It all depends on how bad your family issues has

affected you. How have they affected you. It seems like it's a lot of family trauma there, because if you had to cut your family completely off, who maybe it was very unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy for you as well, because you're not supposed to surround yourself with anything but positivity and love, even if there is hardly any around you. You have to create that space for you to feel safe and to have a peace of mind.

If your family was interfering with that or contributing to the wrong side of it and or even to your well being, then I am all for your decision. But family is family, you know what I'm saying. So I'm never vouching for you to completely cut them off forever, you know what I mean. Sometimes things just you just have to y'all have to get to the bottom of things. And you know you did mention that you will never you feel like you'll never get an apology from your mother.

It's therapy, something that you guys talked about. Do you not want to do therapy? Are you not ready? You know a lot of people force therapy on people, and people just have to go when they feel the time is right for them, because a lot of people still don't understand what therapy really is and how it can actually help you more than hurt you, you know what I'm saying, or more than exposing yourself. You really may just may just needed somebody to talk to, to hear

you out and to sort things out for you. That's that's what therapy is, help you cope, you know what I'm saying. Not in a negative way now, Yes I do to answer your question, Yes, I certainly do believe that you can still find love with a good man who you can explain this to a man with an open mind, a man who is going to be patient enough for you to explain this shit. Finally, whenever you get the chance. You know, you don't just let anybody

into your business. That's something that you just don't go around saying. Or I cut my family off because of the d and because this happened, and that happened, I don't want them to drive you away, and they make me different, and I don't want to drive you away because of something my family is making me feel and how they're making me act, and you know I act a certain way because I'm not comfortable around them, or that.

You know, all of that stuff can be talked about because it's not really solely about your family when you're dating, unless you are a person of tradition where you want to get married, you want to bring them home to mom and pop. You want to you know, I don't know if you have siblings, but you know you want to bring them around your grandparents. You want you want your man to meet your cousins and you know, your

uncle and your aunts and stuff like that. If you are a person of tradition for a family tradition more specifically, I do understand. I understand that. But yes, yeah, just understand. When you date, you don't date for your family. Okay. And this story and the fact that you ask me that tells me that you must have feel that you lost a relationship due to your family problems. You must have gone through something with a family, with family and

a boyfriend or something like that. But yes, baby, all hope is not lost for you because you're taking a break away from your family, you know what I mean. Now, you said completely off, you cut them completely off. But I'm just gonna say a break. You know, we all need each other. Girl. The world is so fucking nuts and crazy right now. You have to at least give grace to loved ones. I'm not saying be stupid and

let anybody do anything to you. I'm not saying you should willingly take disrespect, no, but just give them grace enough because people do change, and it starts with them noticing that there was a problem that they could have created. You know, the first part is accountability on both ends. So yes, yes, because I felt like this was a two part story. You told me a lot that I want to help you fix with your family, and then you told me some with dating. But yes, I think

you can. But you just update me and keep me in the loop and everything, because I really want to see you going to date, girl, And I see you going to date that's kind of creepy, but I want to know that you will get out here. You know

what I'm saying, There's nothing wrong with that. Like I said, just make sure you keep all communication open, be honest, and if you get serious with somebody, then that's when you start thinking about sitting down with that person, telling them all of this information, and hopefully they will still love you for you. I don't see a reason why man will get up and leave because you and your family ain't saying ou to aye, you fucking with me or you fucking with my family, you know what I mean.

Although there is a bigger picture, yes, weddings and all that, but cross that bridge when y'all get there. You gotta get past this first. So yes, girl, keep me updated, let me know. Hold up, hold up, I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. This is a smooth episode. And then everybody know how to spell and y'all doing good? All right, last story. Then I'm getting up out of here. I got a show

at TSU. Y'all at Tennessee State University tonight, y'all? All right? All right, dad homecoming, yay, yay, all right. Last one, Jesz, I need you to help me fix my mess. Shaking my motherfucking head. I have been in an on and off relationship with my baby daddy for the past ten years. Everybody got this ten word today. In those ten years of long on and offs, he has also been with one of his baby mothers, who he's been involved with for fifteen plus years. Damn, we both have known about

each other and dealt with it accordingly. Long story short, me and him went through a rough patch for about a year where we wasn't involved with each other. No fucking, no chilling, just straight parenting. Not gonna lie. In that time, I did the most. I mean, hey, I was single, I didn't know how to act, and I was heartbroken and did things I wasn't proud of. Hoh well, aha, I see what you did this, she said, hoh well, okay,

so you went and lived your life. Okay. He was a little hot girl, real quick, I understand, I get the translation. Well, fast forward. He got into some legal trouble with that same baby mother and the first person he called was me, of course, And what did I do? Drop everything and ran to him. I mean, because at the end of the day, I still love this man. Fast forward to the present. He hold up, did she end the damn that? Yall? That's how she ended it? How you gonna get me all excited for the damn

story and then stop right there, damn you. Oh my god,

that's some bullshit. I think she did this shit on purpose, because how the fuck well, I'm about to give you advice from where you began the story until now, and then you can give me the second part, because I'm damn sure gonna write you back and ask you what the fuck is he doing now in the present, because you fast forward to the present and then said he and then stopped like he caught you about to tell me his business or something, and said, bitch, give me

the phone. Shit. All right. So you've been on and off with your baby daddy for the past ten years, all right, But he also been dealing with one of his other baby mothers, who obviously their child is older. You said he been dealing with her for fifteen plus years. I mean, I don't know if that if he had a baby with you before her, But you come second. It's basically what you're telling me. You've never been first, is what you also are telling me, because he's never

left her alone. If it's been fifteen years for her and ten years for you, you was the other woman, you know, and then she could still be the other woman as well. Shit, because what if it's a bitch that y'all ain't find out about yet that he been around for twenty You know what I'm saying that you just never know. You said, y'all went through a rough patch for about a year. Y'all ain't fuck y'a ain't

do nothing but just cold parent. And you said that's when you did the most because you was heartbroken and all of that shit. And then you was basically out here on your sexy red shit. You know, you ain't say you was the raw dog queen, but you out here skiing. It's what you admitted, and it's all right. A lot of women have that phase in their lives. It could be before love, after love, all their lives. It don't matter, you know what I'm saying. So something you did say that I did not like. I want

women to stop fucking doing is reducing themselves. This reminds me of what I just said to the girl with the first story. This is again you diminishing yourself. You know, you are allowing a man to have more than one woman. And what I mean by allowing him because you can't make him choose you and only you. You know what I'm saying, He dealing with y'all for convenience. Like when it comes to his convenience, he probably beefing with the

other biby mother. So that's why he fucking called you. Yeah, he beefing with her shit. Yeah, of course he gonna call you. And if he was beefing with you and he got into some legal trouble behind you, he would call her. Do you not see? Sister, Sister, Tiya and Tamara? Do you not see? That's what y'all are in his eyes, twin baby mamas, because y'all both do the same shit for him. That's exactly what y'all are. And that's some bullshit.

And sometimes it takes for me to repeat your mess back to you for you to fix it your damn self. That's crazy. I know your baby daddy, you won't always have to deal with him being around, in him being in your life because he is the father of your child or children, you know what I'm saying. However, he's never going to choose only you. I don't care how many kids you lay down and have with them. He's not gonna ever only choose you. You know why, because

you're never going to demand that. You don't demand that respect from him. You just sat here and told me that you and the other baby mother knew that he was dealing with both of y'all at the same time. Y'all just both accepted it and handled him accordingly. That basically mean y'all went along with it. That's all probably gave him a little bit of lip and a little bit of tantrum, and you know, did whatever y'all thought

was gonna hurt his feelings. But baby, if y'all still at the end of the day laying down with him and still jumping when he's say, jump, or doing things for him, or sleeping with him when it's convenient or whatever, or when you know he's mad and beefing with the other one, that's when he over there with you. You know, it doesn't matter. All three of y'all may as well be in a polyamorous relationship. You know, I know you're not attracted to her. I don't know, but I'm gonna

just say that. But that polyamorous thing was literally just me, you know, being sarcastic. But that's what that is. You already know. I mean, well, It's an open relationship, ain't it, y'all? Just both still mad about each other. When you feel that he favors her more, you get upset. You just said you do the fucking most, and you go out and you start hoing, you know what I mean. Common denominator is him. Get rid of him, Learn how to co parent without co fucking him. Learn how to co

parent without still being his doormat. Learn how to do that. A lot of women do this shit too often, you know, more often than not. I can't stand it. Know you're fucking worth and that's so cliche, but I'm never gonna stop saying it to women, because you need to know. If you don't know, do shit to increase and to promote self love for yourself. You need to love yourself. I'm not saying you hate yourself, but you damn sure

don't love yourself more than you love that man. I'm gonna tell you that because you dropped everything and ran and he called you because he needed you, Because he needed you, that's probably the only time he call you when he needs you for something. And yes, it feels good to be needed. It feels good until you need the same motherfucker. That needed you. You understand what I'm saying.

It feels good until a motherfucker keep needing you and you're not getting anything back, not even love and honesty like that type of shit. You know what I'm saying, loyalty, faithfulness, all of that shit. Compliments, back rubs and talking about no judgment. He makes you feel good. It's only you and him when y'all together, it's only about you. It's about you when y'all ain't together. That's what the fuck

you want. That's what every woman wants. I don't give a fuck who turns their head away and who driving in a car listening to this shit right now disagreeing with me. Every woman want that. I'm not a man, so I can't speak for them. But listen, everyone want that shit, whether you want it from another woman or from a man, or from a group of people. That's what the fuck you want a group of people at one time, you know what I'm saying. Because everybody like

different shit. They got different purposes. But everybody wants to be loved. That's one thing we all have in common. Everybody wants to be loved. Okay, So I think you should pay attention to who you are. You know what I'm saying, because another man could be making you the happiest woman that you've ever been, you know what I'm saying, and you could be making the right man the happiest man that he's ever been. So update me, girl. I need to know what the fast forward was looking like.

I need to know what today is looking like, so I can give you further advice if you come back, if you come back, because sometimes I fix somebody mess and I gave it to him to blunting and they be like, fuck Jess, I ain't talking back guard, but that's the risk that you run when you let me all in your business. This. I'm not in your business just to tell everybody what the fuck you're going through.

I'm literally here to help fix your mess. We just got listeners because I'm telling you ain't the only one going through what you sent me. So that's why we do this shit. That's why people listen. You know what I'm saying. But guess what. We've come to the end of this episode, and I know y'all gonna be looking forward to the next week's one because that's when we'll

be able to pick up with his last story left off. Okay, okay, so in my deepest paying voice next week, y'all Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.