Protect Black Men

was just last year. I do remember my aunt and my uncle being one of the couples. Now, I'm related to my aunt. She's my biological aunt, and my uncle is my uncle because he's married to her. My aunt is hmm, very snobby. She's the rich auntie that you know most families have. She's very straightforward, she's blunt. She's like me, but more disrespectful. And her husband, on the other hand, he's very quiet, laid back, chill to himself. I love my uncle. He's cool. Obviously they were having

a problem in their marriage. I don't know why the hell they would even come on a trip and try to mask their problem. But game night. Right, the night before we left, we were playing the game Guestris. That's when you gotta do charades or whatever, and it's a team game. I don't know why we didn't do men versus women. I do not know why, just to keep the confusion down and it would have bit more fun. But we decided to do couples against couples. Now it

was four couples. So it's eight people, two teams of two couples each. Right, Oh my gosh. They couldn't agree on anything. My oun uncle, they couldn't agree. First of all, when he first got there, they were very distant. They were being caddi toward one another. The tension was high. It was awkward as fun to be around them because you knew, you know, when two people are beating you walk into a room, toy quiet or they already quiet when you enter the room. That ship is crazy. Right,

So we're playing a game. Round one, they couldn't agree on ship. Round two, couldn't agree on ship. They grew more heated and heated. By the end of the game they were at each other's next yea like real ship. So my uncle says something like, man, I'm out of this motherfucker. I'm I'm out. This bitch went on the balcony, went to go light up a blunt. On his way out. She said, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. He just mad because I make more money than his ass.

All bets are off. Now he turns back around, he gets upset. He looks like, how the fund can you even say this ship? How can you even say this ship in front of people. I told you she had a few drinks, so did he. But women, one thing about us. When we hit we hit below the fucking belt. And that ship is not healthy, not in a fucking marriage, not in a friendship, not in any type of companionship

you got going on. Never hit below the belt, especially against somebody you love, in front of a bunch of people. I remember no body checking on him either. I remember that nobody would to go check on him, even the other guys. I mean, I guess they just didn't want to insert themselves into the business of my aunt and my uncle and ship like that. But all of us was trying to calm her down. We all was checking on her, and you know, even my date, I remember

him check. Oh, I remember who it is now, but y'all still ain't getting that information. He would to go check on her. Everybody was checking on her. Nobody went on the balcony with my uncle to check on him. He's smoking a blunt heat chilling. He quiet anyway, so he's very unapproachable looking. So I guess that's why as well. I remember the next day when we all woke up to leave, because that was our our last day on the trip. Our flights were in the afternoon. We woke up,

he was gone. He got up and he flew the funk out. He didn't say goodbye to anybody, nothing like that. Now, with that story in mine, today's topic is a black man's vulnerability. It's important to talk about that type of ship these days because it's a very feminist time in life right now. Women we get the spotlight a lot more now, and that's great. You know, the black woman is strong. The black woman is this, The black woman is that. Yes, we are where everything alpha and omega

and everything in between. You take us away, you ain't got ship. But at the same time, we still have another another piece of humanity that we tend to just forget. That's the man. You can't spell humanity without man, and we we tend not to give a funk about a man's feelings. Now usually the next segment is just fix my mess. However, I knew, I just knew there would be no men who would willingly address their vulnerabilities and insecurities or whatever, and we have that. But that's the

problem with our men these days. We have to get them to talk more. And I know the tradition is, you know, men don't cry. Men are not supposed to cry. Men don't be weak. You can't open up about ship. You have to keep it all inside because you're a man. You gotta be strong, you got to be barbarian like. But that's bullshit, because men still have hearts, they still have feelings. They're women without pussies. That's it, like a woman is a man without a dick. We are the same,

We're all people. We just have different ships between our legs. That's the only difference between us. There are lots of insecurities that men struggle with, and it's a lot of ships that men deal with that women deal with as well, but it's overlooked when it's a man like men get cheated on, they get raped as children. You know, men go through all types of ship. They go through money problems, they go through losing friends, they have confidence issues. You

got men getting surgery nowadays. If you don't like the way you look, change it. That's not only meant for a woman, you know what I mean. There are a lot of things that men deal with. But then you have the falsehood of ego. That's the mask that they put on so they won't have to face themselves or face their real problems, and also so no one around them will know what they're really going through. That's why

it's very important to have barbershop talk. Like you know, how we go and get our hair done and we talk to our styles about everything. Well, I don't know, these days, these stylars are so fucking messy. I don't know. I don't talk to my styler is about a motherfucking thing. But you know it's easy, you know, as women we go and we talk about ship, talk about these men we're sitting these shares and let these women do our hand. We start spalking up conversations about how niggason did us wrong,

and and then how we're doing a nigga's wrong. You never know what's gonna come out of your mouth and a fucking hand saloon because you're comfortable. You're amongst other women who are having some of the same problems. Now put the same thing in the barbershop. The barbershop setting. These men have these conversations, but I'm telling you a lot of times because I used to work at a barbershop. Yes, they have the same conversations we have, but men still front.

Men front for other men. No man wants another man to know his struggles. Whether he's the man's best friend or not. He does not want anyone to know his struggles. You're always supposed to be the perfect strong man and anything your friendship. If you've got a group of friends, you want to be you want to appear as the richest friend, the friend that got it all together, and you don't. Now, men have a lot of issues that they struggle with. That's why they can't properly assess kids

and women. You know what I'm saying. I'm not making up excuses because this is not every man's problem, but majority you'd be surprised. And I was having a discussion with one of my buddies and he calls it the trickle down theory. A lot of these men's issues are deep rooted, goes back to their childhood, goes back to generations and generations before them, great great grandfathers. They didn't know how to love properly because their father didn't do that.

Their father didn't show them. Their father didn't put him on his back and you know, run around the house with him or wrestle them, or you know, or wrap them in his arms and telling me loves them. None of that. I remember a picture that was going around with whis Khalifa kissing his son Sebastian and his mouth. Now, a lot of men they had something to say about that, a lot of women had something to say about that.

But that's why we feel like we that's I said, we like I'm a man and sometimes I swear I am, you know. But that's why men feel like they got to be so hard up, because they're scared to show affection, even to women. Scared to show affection. That's why a lot of gay men are scared of coming out. It's just a man is a man. At the end of the day. They have hearts, they have feelings. With Khalifa

teaching that little boy love, he's teaching him love. There's nothing wrong with him kissing his son in him off. That's his fucking son. Mind your fucking business. Then, on the other hand, you got a man who never kisses his son, whether it be on a forehead, cheek, whatever mouth. You got men that never kiss their fucking sons. Never Now, imagine those young men that's gonna grow up who don't know how to show affection to a woman. No no, no, no no. They they might think kissing his mushy. They

don't want that ship. Oh no, no, no, hell no. My father never did. Dead no no, no no. Even if you did have a mother that's affectionate to you, telling your father plants the seed. Every household needs a dad, Every child needs a dad, and every child needs a mother's love, but also the love and affection from a father. That's why I praised Russell Wilson. He shows love to Baby Future, He shows him love. He's not hard up

with the dude with the little boy. He's not that one on one they get Sierra is not always around when Baby Future is in the care of Russell. You know what I'm saying. He wants that one on one showing him love and affection, not saying his father doesn't. But I only know what we see, and we see Russell giving him that affection. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back again. General curses that has to be broken. Maybe someone's father

beat their mother growing up in aboosive household. A lot of guys seeing there, their mothers get beaten by their father, seeing their fathers even you know, beat on them. That's also a generational curse. That's also how a man feels like he has to be so tough. When my father beat my mother, my father, another hugged and kissed on my mother. Us saw that, So that's what I am. My own brother can't stand his father, but in hindsight, he acts just like his dad. You know what I'm saying.

That ship sticks with your kids, and that's why generational curses have to be broken. That's exactly why. Or it'll be hard for you to be a parent, it'll be hard for you to be a husband, it'll be hard for you to be a brother. It'll be hard. You have to break it. Many therapy, just like us women many love. A lot of times, there is no framework, meaning nobody taught this man structure. Nobody taught him how

to be honest with himself about his struggles. Nobody taught him how to open up about them, you know, whether it be to other friends. That's why men are so scared of therapy. I'm not about to go lay on the couch and and tell no woman how I fail. She can't help me. I'm I'm I'm a man, I'm tough and no, but I don't want nobody in my business. That's where manipulation comes into play. Most mass manipulating men have these issues deep deep, deep down inside. Manipulation can't

just come from nowhere. My son's father is very manipulative, and now so is my son. My son hasn't even lived his life fully. He's eight, and he is a little manipulator for real. He gets it from his dad. But you know, Jerome has a lot of issues. Jerome is my son's father's name, is a lot of issues that he hasn't come to grips with. He hasn't put out those fires in those roots yet. And he even told me, I mean, sometimes I think about going to therapy, but then I mean, what is that ship gonna do

for me? That's that ego I was talking about. That goes back to the falsehood of ego. What do you mean you're trying to be so tough, You're trying to appear as something that you've trained yourself to be, so you don't have to deal with the issues, you don't have to face them. But in all reality, you will never be happy, you will never find love, You will never ever ever stop going from woman to woman looking for what you're missing if you don't get to the

root of your problem, your own self. This is what I've told him tom after time, even examples and movies that they put in front of our faces on why did I get married? Angela and Marcus? She constantly put the man down. That's what my aunt did, put the man down about making less than she did. But then why did I get married? Marcus was pro football player. They started with his money. He got hurt, he got injured,

and then the burden fell on the wife. Nevertheless, she picked it up, but she threw it in his face. This is my money, Marcus. You ain't going nowhere. You ain't gonna leave me because this is my money. That forced that man to cheat. He did not want to leave his wife. But dealing with a woman seven, that's throwing something in your face, that fox with a man's dignity,

that fox with a man's pride. So he cheated. He cheated with someone who ain't gonna do that ship that ain't constantly talking about he broke and reminding him of his past, and oh, yeah, you you did make money until you hurt yourself. Now you ain't got nothing coming, you know what I'm saying. She constantly reminded Marcus that he had to work for her in her salon the episode of Martin where Martin was so upset that Gina

made more than him. He didn't even know that ship and it came out that she made more than him. He was pissed the whole episode. Now, these are real situations that they put on TV. Yes, it was a fictional sitcom, but it's real life. Ship Men deal with all types of ship. Men deal with financial struggles, men deal with aboost from their women. Men deal with a lot. These black men, man, they go through a lot. We're

gonna take it back even further to color purple. Remember silly and Mr. He beat that woman and she still want to go get up and cook for the family through the baby's hair. All of that. That was regular back then. That was fucking regular. And then he had a fucking mistress who was sucked up in the head as well. She was being mentally abused, she was being prostituted. But Mr was dealing with struggles far beyond the abuse. Maybe he was abused when he was younger and Ship

like that. He couldn't love Silly, he couldn't love Setter, He couldn't love anybody, probably because he didn't address his own issues. He would beat the shut out of Silly and she would get the funk up and go cook dinner for the family, like it was regular. That should happen. Even back in slavery, the black man has always had to bore the physical part of slavery. You gotta think about it. When the black man is born, they were

trained by white men. They would take the biggest black man, this is the one I got to do all the work, then the workout in the fields and ship. They would get them real strong and buff like animals. They treated the black man like animals. That's what the black man was used for. The black man was seen as a machine, a strong ass animal, beaten when they didn't move, beaten for not doing something right, beaten no matter what it was for. Nevertheless, they were fucking beaten, which takes me

back to Mr. And Silly. When she didn't do something right, he beat her. Sometimes she wouldn't even do ship. He would just beat her. His ass was beat you know what I mean. It's the trickle down effect that my homeboy was talking about. It's also the devalue of a black man. And even fast forward to the Welfare Reformation, when blacks started finally getting government assistance, the rules were a black man couldn't even be in the fucking house. For a woman to receive any type of benefits, the

black man couldn't even be in the fucking house. So the black man had the hide. Of course it was for nest, but when he would come around for the visits and shipped to still keep up the benefits or whatever and all that type of ship the evaluations, the man had to get all of his clothes out of there.

And and no man could even be in the house, No fucking black man could even be in his own house for the family to receive benefits, to receive help, and in my opinion, welfare reformation is what started the I don't need a man mindset for black women. Black women have had more training on how to defend themselves from a black man then to how to love a black man. I'm telling you it started right there. In my opinion, you're gonna always see a black woman even today.

I don't need no man, I don't need no nigga. I do this ship by myself, like bitches love saying that ship. Listen, you do, you do just like the man needs us. Black women need black men, and black men need black women. I don't give a funk how you feel, what you say. If you turn this podcast it off right now, I don't give a fuck. Yes we do. We need our men and they need us.

And that's also why black men are so aggressive. Not all of them, but a lot of the majority of these men are so aggressive because we've been taught to defend ourselves against them. So of course, like even when when you first meet a man, we can see a nigga walking down the street if it's pasts a lord too tight or depending on you know, the sway in his walking or whatever what he got on. Oh bitches game, oh bitch he's out drugs, like we're judging them at

the fucking door. You haven't done that. We judge these men and then we get upset when they're with white women, but we often have that. We don't need your mentality. So actually we throw these niggas away. That's what we do. We're throwing them away, and we can be very spiteful. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. As black women, Yes, we can be very spiteful because, like I said, we

have been trained to defend ourselves. So when a man do finally open up. Let's say he opened up and tell you about his past or he has an insecurity, he tells you about one of his vulnerabilities. You take it, you love him, he falls for you. Y'all get angry and you throw that ship in his face. You bring that ship up and you throw that ship out there at him. Well, you was telling me, whatever the problem, whatever the issue is. Then they shut back down and

don't tell you, ask nothing else. We have to protect our black men just like we expect them to protect us. We have to get them to talk more. We have to get them to talk more. A lot of men grew up in foster homes and being passed around from group on the group home. I remember, I had a man that worked for me that told me that man, there's some real shiit sys growing up being passed around from group. I'm the group almost like Jail. I feel like he was trying to tell me something. Maybe he

was touched, maybe he was raped. That's why he's so fucking mean. That's why he beat Nigga's the way he do. That's why he's had encounters with women and fucking children. That's why he's not scared to take a life the ship that he had to go through growing up. Now he has a lot of children, A lot of them got both nine ten children, and all of them are mixed. None of them are fully African American. He also explained to me why none of them are fully African American.

He loves mixed women. He loves Hispanic women. They're more submissive. He doesn't have to worry about them going through his phone. He doesn't have to worry about them calling him out of his name, poisoning him when he's sleep, or anything. I'm like, nigga, what the hell have you been through with black women? What the fuck? That's why he said he's scared the day another one. He told me this, I ain't suing no black women scared the day to fucking black woman man. Black women think their men, is

what he said. I can relate to that because sometimes I feel like I am you know what I mean. Like we're tough, we're very very tough, we don't take no ship, but sometimes it's okay to be soft. Sometimes it is. You also, notice how black men don't marry black women, even going way back to your grandmother. Now, listen, black people will stay together for years and years and years but never married because we've had no examples to

look up to. Now, I don't want to hear nothing but no Beyonce and jay Z and grand Hero and to Mia and and Russell and Sierra. No, no, no, no, I'm talking about way back, not not celebrities. Don't throw no celebrities in my face. Let's go way back. Old people will stay together for fucking ether and still still don't marry each other. I don't know what it is about it, but it's hard to marry. We had no

good examples. Even these days, it seems like people can be in love when they have babies, they break up. The divorce rate in black marriages is way fucking higher than any other race because people get married without getting to know each other. People get married with hidden factors, like men men don't like to talk about ship that they've been through. You have to really, really really get to know yourself and really get to the bottom of

who you are before you marry someone. And a lot of times, because these men do have these masked egos and this type of ship, they go in a relationship being someone that they've trained themselves to be, being someone that they're really really not. And then when you're married, you're stuck with this person and you realize, damn, I did this too soon. But no, you're gonna keep making the same mistake if you don't get to know yourself, if you don't get to talk more. We have to

get black men to talk more. If you are a black man. Listening to this episode of Carefully Reckless today, the topic was a black man's vulnerability. Hit the email. I'll give you advice. We'll get to the bottom of it. Ship, open up, open up to me, that's what the hell I'm here for. I am a black man sometimes, so I got you brother, look at me as your brother, but not real ship man. A black man's vulnerability is so important, and we need to get our black men

to talk more, get them to open up. So black women hugging, kiss your black man, black man hugging. Kiss your boys, your baby boys, your children, your son's black man. Call your father and tell him you miss him, you love him, even if you know him and you ain't got a relationship with him. Before you leave this earth, make it your business to at least look your father in the eye, tell him you love him, give him a hug, palm his head, all of that. Because love

is love, whether you're a woman or a man. Remember I said, the only difference between a man and a woman is what's between the legs. And I'm gonna leave it right there. Thank you for listening to another episode of Carefully Rightless. We'll be back next Wednesday. Hump Day and my deepest pan voice Pace and me, just you got your ass, nigger, Shut the fuck up. I've been out hit on my cash, sod you bout my hustle,

I've been stop I don't do no Black Thing. Getting Carefully Reckless is a production of I heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.