New vs. Old

I know you always speak about relationship ship, but I'm coming to you for advice strictly for getting over a friendship or multiple friendships that you know, you know, you grew apart from, or you just don't see eye to eye anymore. So long story short, I moved to a different city when I was in about fifth grade. In fifth grade, I met one of my best friends who I thought, you know, I would eventually be friends until I die with, And then in sixth grade met another one.

In in seventh grade, we all was a trio because they had already knew each other previously. I just never knew that they knew each other. So we made it strong through middle school and even through half of high school now, and in high school, I ended up getting pregnant and I was pulled from public school and I was placed into private school or online private school. So I wasn't there for them as much as I was

supposed to be or I could have been. But just give you a little background, I'm the friend out of the group who don't play no ship. I will smack a bit about them first and ask questions later, so that played a big part. I was like the outspoken person out of the group. I was the one who took up for the entire group, not saying that their soft or anything, but I was just that ongo type

of bitch. Now with me being going, I couldn't be there for them as much as I would have liked to, like I stated already, but one of them, so the one I met first, she ended up getting the second one in to some ship, so she ended up getting her into some drama with some other girls, and the other girls jumped her while she was there, and she didn't do nothing when this is her beef to begin with. You were supposed to do something, not just stand there.

So we instantly stopped being friends with her, and I just started being friends with another one the other one. Eventually, instead of just me being her friend, she felt so desperate that she had to go be friends with somebody we didn't already beat up, and we weren't friends with at first, and so she just started to be really

distant towards me kind of. And then it's like, I'm raised into a household where I'm not close to my brothers and sisters, so I really rely on friendships to get me by, to get me out of this lonely place in my life. And she just started to be

like really really fake towards me. And at this point, I couldn't turn back onto the other friend like I wanted to, and I instantly started regretting not being her friend, because honestly, with me not even going to the school or being a part of this beef, I shouldn't have took anybody's side. Now that I'm older, this happened years ago, twenty one. Now, this happened when I was maybe seventeen.

Now that I'm you know, learned a lot. I felt like that was in my place to just decide on what was right and what was wrong and what I had to do, because it really had nothing to do with me. So I ended up being homeless at eighteen, and I was supposed to go live with the friend that I was still friends with, and she literally left me and my son outside because the girl that I wasn't cool with she was in the house at the moment.

So it's just like, just to sum it up, it's just a lot of ship, that shady ship that started to happen, and I already broke up with the first girl, and then the second girl was weird, so I eventually broke up with her. And now that we're grown, I'm looking at their lives and they're still doing the same thing. They're still fighting, they're still in drama, they're still pulling up to bitch's house jumping them and a mama and

I have two kids now. I have a five year old and I have a temo throld baby, and I'm just at the point in my life where I know that I cannot be their friends anymore based on where my life is going. I'm starting a business, I'm saving up my money to move out of state because I hate Michigan so much. But I'm on a different level than them, and I know that we can never be friends. But I hate the feeling of just not being their friends, and I just don't know how to get over it.

Like I really truly missed them, even though I know we could never be how we was. I often find myself on their Facebook pages looking at what they've been doing, looking at how they've been growing. One of them had a baby, and like she's still on the same ship. So I'm just coming to you to see, like, if you can give me any advice on how to move on from these friendships, I would gladly appreciate it, just because it's just a hard part of my life that

I'm trying to get over. Like I don't find myself crying over it or anything, but it's so hard to not dwell on the past when those were like my sisters that I didn't grow up with. Well, actually I did grow up with them because I was friends with them for so many years, but you know, they weren't biologically my sisters. But it's just so hard not to miss them or not to think about them, and I just want some type of advice. I haven't reached out to neither of them, and I really don't think they

would want to hear from me. Just because of how I left them hanking. Okay, see your story stops there. Okay, well listen, it's okay girl. Look, you don't have to not be their friends. You don't have to. You don't have to hang out with them all the time either. There's nothing wrong with that. You love these girls, and these girls love you. I don't care what y'all been through. Listen. You told me something that y'all went through when y'all

were seventeen years old. You're twenty one. That was four years ago. No, not too long. But you grow every year. You have two children. Now, you know what you want to do with your life. You want to move out of state. You're starting your own business. All good, you're taking care of your children. By the way, I hear your baby in the back cock baby. But you know what I'm saying. As long as you know what your goals are, it don't matter who your friends are. You

don't let people drag you down. You don't do that. Ain't nothing wrong with checking on your friends, get childhood friends, your sisters. You know how many girls don't have that these days? You know how many girls don't have friends at all. Didn't even grow up with friends that they considered sisters. Girl, you know how many fights I've been in for other bitches and how many fights other bitches been in for me? You know what I'm saying. That's the part of growing up. Girl, looks I had a

friend who I stuck my neck out there for. She didn't know how to fight. All she knew how to do was talk ship. And we're in the club and this girl whooped my ask because I'm the same friend that you are, jump out there. But see, you can't be there everybody, this big bitch. I just knew I was, you know, because I I'm quick with mine. You know, you know, you know what I'm saying. But she beat

my ass and I didn't leave that friend alone. I was upset that that bitch stood right there and watched me get my ass whipping neck like she didn't see what was going on. She just thought of dancing to the beat and ship. But I knew she wasn't a fighter, you get what I'm saying. I knew she talked ship. So that's when you you don't say, or I ain't sucking with her no more. No, you realize what she is. Oh, okay, that's the point of her being your friend. Okay, all right,

that's Tiffany. I'm just you know, throwing her name out there. Oh that's Tiffany. I know sean fight, but I know she's gonna talk shit. So I'm I'm I'm gonna keep her at arms length because I don't know. One day we might be out and somebody walk up on this bitch and she won't fight. Somebody hit in the back of head. I'm a fight with her. But if I don't want to be attached to that part of my friend, I don't have to. So you have her for different ship.

Oh yeah, we're gonna go to church together on Sunday's bitch. Oh no, you can come over my house and we're gonna chill. Bring your baby over here. We can haven't play date. Oh, We're only gonna be in certain facinities where ain't no drama gonna be. You have to know your friends. That's it. You watch them through Facebook, you find yourself missing them, you find it's okay, let's because you had a lot of fun together. Girl, hit them

girls up? Hey, how y'all doing. I was actually pondering back and forth whether or not I should hit you guys. I didn't know if I wanted to speak with you. Guys. I didn't know if you guys wanted to speak with me. I'm just saying, hey, I see you guys are doing better now. Even if they ain't that your sisters uplift them up, left them ship. That could be your way of getting them out whatever the funk they got going on. That message from you can actually make them say, oh, Ship, damn,

she doing good. She hit herself up. You know, you might prompt them to want to know more about what you're doing, and then when they see what you're doing, they might want to do the same. Ship. That still don't mean hang with their asks every day. You don't have time to do that. You' twenty one, you on your way place this and you've got two babies there

your friends, huh, mama, Ship. You can't hang out with your sisters all day if the funk you wanted to, because your real friends, the one that was crying in the back and that other five year old, Oh they're gonna be there. Oh no, baby, we first, so they come later. There's nothing wrong with still having friendships with people that you feel like aren't on your level. It's fine. What you have to do is not let them bring you down. You can't let them rub off on you.

And you seem pretty headstrong where you ain't gonna let that happen. You seem that way. You live by yourself. You got your own plate. You know. You could be motivation for them. Obviously, they ain't thinking outside of Michigan. You are. It ain't your job to take them with you, but ship passed on what you're doing. Just put that ship in there. But if you miss him, tell them. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Dropped that pride because you're one. I understand. I was twenty one two and I had

a whole bunch of pride. Shit, Ain't nothing wrong with telling your sisters you miss them, you love them, and you wish them the best. That could open up a whole another can of worms. Listen, they could be missing you right now too. You never know. Be that person you know, and if you don't want to, you don't have to. But I would say do that. You don't want to take that advice, prey on it. Ask God to send you new connections, new people that you can

build healthy connections with. Just pray on that. If you do pray. If you are a Christian or you know whatever or whoever you believe in, pray, pray to that pray and I'm telling you ask God to put meaningful connections in your life, connections that you can benefit off of as well as someone else can benefit. Send your friends that can strengthen you where you lack, they can they can pick it up where you feel weak. That friend is gonna be your backbone. You're strong, girl, you

know there's nothing wrong with that. Talk to your SISIs. Tell them you miss them, your friends, you know, tell them you miss them. It's all right, It is okay. Check back in, baby girl. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. All right, all right, before I play this next and I want to let y'all know this is an update, all right. So look, I've helped this girl three different times,

and at this point, this is my client. This is a regular and she's my client, and we have monthly sessions, so there with her. Just at this point, I consider you my home girl from a distance. But basically I just wanted to update you on the last situation. I'm really just feeling some tea at this point. But basically the last situation I was with, I was talking to this guy that I worked with. He pretty much seemed interested.

You know, he had my number. We texted during work, and you know, he seemed like he wanted to go further because he said that he wanted to text me, but he ended up never texted me. Um, And this was like, are on the weekend, So I assumed that he may have another woman in his life, but like you said, communication is key and I didn't want to assume, so I asked him once I saw him at work a few days back, this man's told me that it

was not another woman, mind you. A few days go by and we ended up coming across each other again at work. He's flirting with me. You know, we're talking and I'm like joking, saying, like, you know you're doing all this flirting, but you can't even text me outside of work, or you know, call me or anything. Why This man said, uh, you know, it's hard to do that when I have a living in my mind, I'm like a living. But I asked him, I'm like, what is a living? He said, I still live with my

child's mother. Your child's mother living with her. Excuse me, is what I said in my mind? Mind you. So he goes on to explain, of course, that they no longer get along, she's always arguing with him, that he wants to just like separate from her. YadA YadA, YadA. I'm taking this all in. I'm not giving no expression, I'm not saying anything back anything. I'm just like I'm okay, okay, yeah, okay.

And he just goes on and on and like, saying that they've been together for twenty years and he doesn't want to leave because of the child, just digging himself in the deepest hole ever. A couple of days go by again, you know, we ended up coming across each other again. Really, he kind of followed me. I wasn't even trying to deal with this man. But why this man goes on to invite me. We're talking like casually, we're not even really, we're not flirting at all. I'm

over at this point, but we're talking casually. We're still at work, you know, still keeping professional or cordial. But why this man tells me or asks me, do I want to go to a Halloween party with him? My nigga, no, I don't want to go to a hallowbein party with you. What I said was, though, I'm not doing anything with you because you have a whole situation. I'm not trying to deal with any of that. Do you understand where I'm coming from. I'm trying to really gauge his understanding

of how messy the situation is. He still is like, you know, just saying all this negative stuff about the woman, like she argues all the time. I know she doesn't love me, YadA, YadA, YadA. And then he goes on to say when I see you, you brighten my day. Whenever I see you, I'm like a kid in a candy store, just saying on this reckless as it's I'm like, oh god, you must be testing me. You must be testing me. If it's not a test, I don't know what is. Because he's handsome, he's tall, he a handy man,

he has a lot going for himself. I'm not gonna live but like, no, absolutely not, I'm not. I'm done with the mess, Jess. I'm done with the mess. Yeah, I just wanted to update you, like already know cut that off, already know, Like he's playing games, not keeping it real, not get himself out of a situation before jumping into a next like show us this level of the maturity and just like carelessness. So yes, Jess, I just want to update you on lis shenanigans that happens

in our everyday lives at this point with these men. Yeah, I hope you have a beautiful day. I love you. Keep doing what you do. I'm always support you. I'm coming to a comedy show here in the d M Feet on December and yeah, I keep fucking girl. Okay. So that's my client, yall. And that's that's my baby. Okay, I'm about to get in her asks a little bit. So y'all know, bead with a girl. You know, damn well, you know damn well. But you already said you know so.

I ain't gonna beat you up too much. Listen, I'm gonna be honest with you. Yes, all of this is true. You brighten up his day. This man is with this woman. He is they've been together for twenty years. He's not going to ever leave her because that's his comfortability, that's her comfortability. I bet you any amount of money they both trying to cheat on each other, if ain't already doing so. You understand what I'm saying. But they have so much together, and they've had so much together that

they don't want to walk away. No, it ain't about the damn child. Listen, you said twenty years now. If they would together for twenty years, all right, if they had the kids twenty years ago, that kids shouldn't even be living at the house. That kid is twenty, but that might not be the case. All right, let's say the kid is younger. Either way, it ain't about the kids. It's about that twenty years that y'all been together. It's about all of the ship that they have shared. It's

about all the ship that they owned together. They own that house together. Butter believe that they ain't paying no rent. They own that ship together twenty years. Please. His car probably got her name on and her car probably got his name on it. They married without being married. They married without the legal contract, They married without the paperwork. Okay, that's what it was. It's giving Yandy mndcense's that's what not. I think they got paperwork now, But no, that's what

that is. That is a life long relationship. And listen, he's bored. He's bored at times he's tired of her. At times, he's tired of her, but he also knows it ain't really ship out here either. Not saying you ain't ship baby, It ain't really ship out here. So he probably liked to go off and have his fund every now and then, just something to hold him over until he misses her again. But you better believe is

still some type of goddamn love there. It is. It is love and respect of some sort, because that nigga turns his phone off or blocks you on the weekends to be with her, you know what I'm saying, to be with his family. Now. Even with that being said, you're saying he's talking all his reckless ship. You said that, he said, Oh you're brightened my day. You're beautiful, and I get butterflies, and I see you in all that ship that may not necessarily be alive. That may be true.

You're a young brother of fresh air, youthful. You got all your teeth, probably a nice, pretty beautiful complexion, all of that. He's older. You said, he's hands and he got things going forward south. He's a handy man. He just gotta live in sir, goodbye, good guy. Damn by calling her living you with this woman, and I can't

stand with a man do that ship. I can't stand when a man lives with a woman who has his children and you come and you talk to outsiders about me, as if we ain't together, as if you ain't hitting this at night, as if you don't wake up next to me, as if you don't block these girls, and as if you don't lock yourself in the house with

me every fucking weekend and we have our time. You're sitting here, going back painting the worst picture possible to get these women a funk with you, when really they should be looking at your ass like you fucking lost your mind, Because why you're still there? If all of this is bad? I know she don't love me no more? All right now? Why you don't talk to me on

the weekend? The fuck stop playing with me? No, he's looking for, you know, little temporary side bitches head there that he can go ahead of his fun with when he's outside the home, because he's been with the same person for twenty years. That's how that ship goes sometimes. But he's not leaving her. You ain't about the funk with him. I don't care what you're saying you ain't about the funk with him. Yeah, he hands him. Yeah, he can light up when you see you. Every fucking

time your light light light up. I don't care. You can turn into a goddamn Christmas tree every time you see me. Sir, we're not fucking around, We're not doing nothing. We're not about to be together. No, we're not Halloween party, myas. That's because it was on a Monday. If the Halloween party was on a Saturday, he wouldn't invited you because he would be with the living, calling her a living. Sorry, you need a therapist. You don't need a little younger,

You don't need a girlfriend and to live in. You need a therapist to help you find that spark with your living again. You need somebody to help you or you need to move the funk out, wake up and realize that ain't where you want to be. But he's too old to not realize that, So that's what I'm saying. No, he may not be happy with this woman, but he loves her and they are working it out in their own little way. Because girl hand leaving that woman. They're

both too comfortable with each other. So you check back in with me. Bring me some more men so I can fix it. I ain't gonna keep playing with you girl. That's my girl, though, that is my girl. I can't the nerve of these man. I'm telling y'all, I'm telling y'all, well, look, we're gonna end the episode right here, right now. I love you guys the way y'all love me back. Tune into Reckless Discussions each and every Wednesday at seven pm only on YouTube again. If you have mess you can

send it to Carefully Reckless. You can send it to Reckless Discussions. I will read or listen if the story moves me and I feel like it's something that I can do. If I have not ever read your story, if you you know, because I I see a lot of y'all mad and my emails obviously I've sent you this that the baby you need some real goddamn help. You need um to go pay for some ship. You don't need for me to repeat what y'all telling me

on this goddamned podcast. Um, A lot of y'all are submitting things and going through things that require medical attention. So I don't want to ever use a severe situation that I think is detrimental to your help and our community, just for the likeness of a podcast, you know, just for likes and views, just for No. I would never I don't want to do that. But I do read a lot, and I do be seeing the ship. But it's a lot of y'all. I can't, you know, man, No,

I can't. I can't. I need you women too, really really seek professional help. I don't want to be responsible for like domestic violence mess. These men are whooping y'all asses, These men are doing ship to your kids. Why the funk are you sending just with the mess this ship? I want to help, but that's the reason why I can't be a real therapist or a real cop, or a real judge or because you can't help everybody. And I'm the type of person that would to help everybody.

I would feel horrible if there was somebody that I tried to help and I couldn't I failed. So please, y'all need medical attention. I cannot. I will not do that. And it's even worse things than that. Other than the two things I just said, y'all are in like really really bad situations. Man, that's statrimental to your health. I can't. I can't. I'm not going to read that and try to fix it because I don't know. I don't know what to do for you, guys. I can't I can't

physically come get you. So what I can do is keep praying for all the men and women out there who are batter than being treated wrongly, in in danger, And just like that, y'all, I love y'all. Tune in next week. Love Up Back, Carefully Reckless is a production of I heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcast from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.