My Bestie is Buggin

I appreciate you all. I want to tell you all that every time I get the chance to, we're gonna jump right in because around the holidays people got more problems. So we're just gonna listen to something. English is not my native language, so you will know just my accent. This is about my best friend of six years and more. I love her so much, but recently I've been feeling

a type of way about our friendship. We both live in Germany, different cities now for about four years a little bit more, but we have a lot of history together. We see each other maybe three or four times a year, and I love her so much, but I've been noticing that our relationship only thrives on misery and particularly my misery. I feel more comfortable coming to her with bad news

because she'll be there for me. And I know that she will, and she has been there for me so many times where nobody else could have helped me but her, and I appreciate her for that, and I feel like when I am going through bad situations, I get the genuine type of her. Let's say, I feel her closeness more than when I'm coming with good news. When I'm sharing good news or like good things that happened to me,

I always kind of regretted afterwards. Do you know that a feeling when you tell someone something good and they give you like a very disappointing reaction, and you're like, why did I just tell you that? This is exactly it. The last situation, I was going through some stuff with a guy that I was dating, and I didn't like

the way he treated her. Actually when we were going out for dinner, and after the dinner, I was venting to her that he was so disrespectful and that this is very important for me that he treats my friends good, you know, and respect my friends. And I was just kind of venting and telling her like, this is a definitely a no for me, and then I said a sorry, I think I'm just ranting, and she said I enjoy it. At that moment, I just felt like, what do you

mean you were enjoying it? What are you enjoying me being disappointed at him, or me being hurt, or me telling you that I'm about to bring up with this person, or me feeling so frustrated. Is that something to enjoy? I didn't say that, of course, but it just kind of clicked in my head, like, Okay, I think something is off here, and I kind of kept thinking about it. Now I've been distancing myself. We used to call every weekend.

I am kind of letting that go a little bit for me to figure out exactly where I want to go with this. I definitely don't want to lose her.

We were planning to meet in December for the Christmas, but I kind of apologized and made other plans just because I feel like I'm not ready to face that or I feel like I'm in a good space right now and I don't want it to blow up, you know, or I don't want to I don't want to feel like I have to hide myself or like not tell about my life or keep the good things secret because

I don't feel supported that way. And I just want to say, agad, this is my best friend that I don't want to lose and I just want to navigate through this. And my question to you is what would you do if you are in my place? And have you ever been in a situation where you just did not want to lose the person but you kind of feel like maybe they're not for this phase, you know

what I mean. I chose to distance myself a little bit till I figure it out, and I might figure it out and I might not, And I'm just that's why I'm a little bit like, ah, I need help. What if I lose this person that I love so much just because I'm not able to face her and tell her. Girl, I need you to be happy for me, please, as much as you are there for me when I'm going through something bad, I want to be able to come to you good news and not feel disappointed. Thank you,

Jess for your time, for your wisdom. I hope I hear an answer from you, but even if not, I just love you so much and I'm so grateful for your journey. Honestly, I've been big fan since long time, and I kind of feel inspired by all of the things that you went through and how you grew and everything. Anyways, love you so much and hope to hear from you. Okay, so, baby girl, are you actually gonna get some fixing of the mess by just today? Because I think that um,

this friend. If I'm not wrong, and listeners, please write me and let me know if y'all think what I'm about to say. It's true about this friend that she is having all of this who blow with? It could either be two things. She is either one obsessed with you. Has she ever showed you feelings of attraction? Has she ever acted as if she was attracted to you? Has she ever acted as if she liked you a little bit more than a best friend? That could be happening.

Not to say that she's officially gay or she's into women. She could literally just be only into you. That is so possible. You know what happened to me. I am not gay, and I don't think I ever was gay, but I was interested and attracted to this one particular female when I was younger, and I've never looked at any other women to be attracted to them or to be intimate with them since then or before her, you know, it was just only one woman that I've ever been

infatuated with in my whole life. So that's why I say I'm not gay, because you know, obviously that thing is over and I never looked at another woman again in that sense. But maybe she is just very possessive and obsessive with you. It could be either that or her life is just so shitty or not going the way that she wants it to go, so she thrives

off of others pain, off of others misery. It's generally hard for those type of people to be genuinely happy for someone else's success or for someone else's victory or over coming hardships in their lives or anything like that. You can't genuinely be happy for someone if you're not where you want to be and you let what you're going through make you an envious person. I think she envies anything that goes great for you if she's not a part of it, and then that could very well

be both things. She could be obsessed or and really in love with you, and her life really isn't going the way that she would want it to go. I think you need to kind of distance yourself exactly what you've been doing. I know you guys were supposed to meet up for Christmas, like you said, but just something in your mind is telling you something, and it could be your woman's intuition telling you, look, no, don't even do this, don't put yourself through this. It's the holiday.

Revisit this later. I think that's the best thing you do. Not want her to mess up your holiday. You've got some good ship going on, and you go tell her. God knows she's not gonna be happy. But she literally only thrives when you're going through ship. She loves for you to need her. And the fact that you said I just want to call her and be like I need you, I need you, or you know, I wish I could call her and tell her I need you. That's what she wants to hear more than anything. You

understand what I'm saying. That's what she wants to hear. People love for you to need them, and as a person, we need other persons. You understand what I'm saying. Everybody needs someone for many different reasons. However, I think this situation can get a little dangerous. This sounds like a fucking movie. I've watched movies like this, lifetime movies and ship like that. But no, I think that she is just really obsessed with you. Yes, distance yourself, and I

also think later this deserves some attention. This deserves a conversation where you too, should go meet in public. Not that she's gonna kill you or anything, but I just think in public you'll get a different response, or more of a genuine response, because if you guys are alone, I don't know, I think maybe it'll get very heated, very intense, and in public. People generally act civilized more in public, you know, than they would behind closed doors when it's just you too alone. So I would say

definitely deserves a conversation. This is your best friend, like you said, of six years. That's a pretty long time for you guys to actually be good friends and to know each other. And this seems to make you very uncomfortable. I think you just need to sit down and talk with her and tell her how you feel, exactly how you feel. Don't sugarcoat it at all. Tell her because she obviously tells you how she feels, and understand Before

I move on to the next story. I want you to only take what I said about her being obsessed with you or like secretly in love with you. I'm just assuming that because the part where you said she doesn't like you with any men like you know, she tries to find something wrong about every guy you deal with. And then also when the guy treated her a certain way, or when you bought it to her attention that the guy had piste you off or whatever that made her feel good, she wanted you to get rid of him.

She doesn't want anybody else closer to you than her. I don't know if that's men or women, but if it's like men, that's an issue. Now. It's totally understandable for women because I have a female best friend who gets upset when I go around calling other people best friend, and as she should, I don't get upset because she don't do it. I do that. You know, I've adopted best friends over the years, and where are they now?

Non existent? You know, I literally still just have two best friends, my male best friend and my female best friend. But the fact that she's like that even with men like the opposite sex, and y'all two are not even intimately involved that's so weird. That's a little too territorial if you ask me, because sweetheart, why you ain't got no damn man. If you're not lesbian, why the hell

don't you have a man the fuck? So Yeah, I think you need to sit down with her and have their conversation, but definitely still distance yourself even if you do miss her. I think it's bigger than you just missing her. Y'all need to get down to the root of why she is the way she is. Just check back in with me, baby girl. And for you not to be from here. I know you explained that you're

English was broken. I think you did pretty good. Now we got a commercial and if you click off this part, okay, if that's the way, I'm gonna beat your ways listen. Now moving on this one is an update, let's hear it, Hi, Jess, I wanted to do a follow up with you from your December twenty one podcast episode. I was the woman who was in the military that found out my ex boyfriend was not a US citizen. I found out back in May that he wasn't a citizen when I was

helping him apply for a job. We did not break up until late November, so I tried to deal with it for six months, like you had guests. He lived in my house and I was paying all the bills just so he could save up for an immigration lawyer to take care of his citizenship. Another mistake on my part as far as his family. They always made up excuses when I would ask him to ask them to meet up. All I'm busy with work, all I got

this going on. All I got that going on. Never talked to them on the phone, never talked to them on FaceTime. I did make him sure with the text though, like of him texting his family and their BS responses. Yeah, they never found time. After a year and a half, and that's when I finally kind of realized, you know, is this how I want my future to be for

the rest of my life? Knowing that I'm only going to be spending time with my family and being with someone whose family never wants to meet me or give me the time of day to even judge me. I have a feeling it's because I'm not from his culture and I already came into the relationship with two children. But I am taking your advice and moving forward. I'm in the military. I have a bachelor's degree. I do know my worth. So thank you for all your advice.

And you couldn't be more right about like, ladies, you really don't know who you're laid up with. I mean, I spent a year and a half of this person and had no idea that he wasn't even a citizen of the US. And I really be on top of my investigation ship sometimes so that that was such a shock to me. And I think back, like what if I would have gotten married to him, what if I would have had a baby with him and then found

out such bad scenarios. It's like you said, a year and a half is a long time, but it's not detrimental. So I'm going to take your advice in the forward, thank you for helping me with my mess. I'm so grateful. I forgot to mention to you. I'm stationed here in Maryland, so I hope to see you at a future show and keep doing great things. Oh baby girl, Yes, you got to come to the show. Girl, you gotta come to show. I'm actually having a show at Constitution Hall

in d C on December thirty one, that's New Year's Eve. Girl, come out and let your hair down and just have a drink or two and enjoy the comedy. Is gonna be me, de Ray, Ricky Smiley be someone. I don't know if you're familiar with all of them, but they are also phenomenal comics. We're just gonna give you all a good show on New Year's Eve going into the new year. All right, now for your update, baby girl, I'm so glad. One thing I want to point out to you. I don't want you to ever feel stupid

as a woman. You know, and like you said, you'd be on your investigation ship sometimes so you didn't even know how you missed it. Love, genuine love. I'm not gonna even say you were blind, like no. Men are so good at what they do, just like we are. It was easy for you not to see it. I understand. It's easy how you thought this man loved you and not saying that he didn't. I believe that he actually really could. I believe that he could have loved you

this a year and a half. There's no way humanly possible, even if it is your motive to just receive a fucking green card or citizenship or whatever, you naturally fall in love with a person, or start loving a person, being with them every day, getting to know them, actually sharing experiences and good conversation and bondmanship like you actually

naturally just start loving a person. This is eighteen months, so I don't want you to feel the least bit of stupid or dumb or dent or whatever because you didn't see this coming. It's okay. I just am happy that you did get out when you did. Like you said, you could have had a child, You could have actually married this man. You could have gotten pregnant. I ain't

trying to hear that ship about his fucking religion. And look, I'm all for respecting everyone's religions and beliefs and morals and all of that, but if it was such against his fucking religion, he wouldn't have gone a year and a half with you and your kids living there and all that ship. He wouldn't have done that. His parents, his family, they some bullshitters too. Like I said in the previous episode when you first gave me your story, No, they were in on it. They know that their son

or whoever he you know. I don't know if you're specifically talking about his parents, but you know they know that their family member needs to be granted citizenship, and so them foreigners baby listen, by any means possible, well, they do what they have to do to be granted citizenship because they don't want to go back to their country. They don't want you know what I'm saying, it should we don't want to be over here, but you know whatever, they want to come here, they want to live here.

Sometimes this is a better life for them over here. And I don't know how to fun, but this is a better life for them. A lot of those people from other countries and ship, you know, so, by any means necessary, they're gonna do everything that they can or they feel is necessary to have a better life, even if that is at the expense of another American because a lot of them look at us like we already got it. Look, they're living great. I want to go live like them, even if it involves sucking us over.

A lot of foreigners look at us like the most selfish country ever, and we are. So I don't ever undermine how they feel about us. But your whole situation, it was very petty and fucked up. I'm just glad that you're gone. I'm glad that you did not have any kids with this man. I'm so glad, and again I thank you for giving me an update, because I really was worried about you, girl, I really was. You know, sometimes I read people's stories and a lot of them stick.

I'm not gonna say that some of them aren't important, but some of them really really stick. And I'll go to sleep thinking about some of you women and some of you men that are really in these detrimental spaces and in these situations, and it's like, yo, I know these people need help more professional than me. But the fact that they're even giving me the exposure of what they're going through, y'all letting me in. I appreciate that all the time. You know, I'm not here to make

fun of you. I'm not here to judge you. This is a judge free zone. You know, this is a safe space. I want people to know that I'm going through shipped too. You know, I've gone through ship and I know I'm gonna probably go through some more. That's what happens. That's how you overcome obstacles. That's how you become victorious. That's how you become resilient, and you stay resilient.

That's how you learn to endure anything. And that's also how you learn to help others when you recognize something that they're going through because you've been through it, or you can relate to it, or you have seen it before. So I appreciate you, girl. Hold up, Hold up, I noticed ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on third one, I'm gonna read before we get

out of here. I'm submitting my story and I don't think anyone can fix this us at all, So why the hell are you writing me? Girl? My kid's dad is only top tier when we are fucking period. He thinks he can just get whatever he wants regarding our kids and disappear when he wants, pay what he wants, get them when he wants, then throws court in my face. He didn't been with multiple stalker women, women that have threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror.

I want nothing more than for us to be friends and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb he is being. We used to be able to co parent to a degree. Now it's all bad. I really need a phone conversation to provide detail, but we need Jesus and a public eye. He yo, I might have

to bring yall on co parents and Therapy. Me and Rome are actually starting up season two of Co Parenting Therapy where we'll be sitting down with other couples, couples that are not trying to be together or no, they can't be together, but they're still trying to create a

healthy environment to co parent with their children. So, if you have any submissions for that and you would like to appear on the show and you are in the DMV area, Even if you're not, still submit but if you're in the d m V area, you could be on the show within the next month or so and it premiers only on YouTube. It will start like I said, January. All right, now back to you, girl. This is just a case of I love my baby mother. I'll never let her go okay. And you know why. It's because

you still are periodically fucking him. Even if y'all don't have that relationship with y'all fucking every day, he knows he can call you, he can get some or even if that's not the case, let me stop. Even when you want some, you'll call him and he come running. That's actually bad. That's bad. You ain't supposed to be doing that unless you're planning on being together. You ain't supposed to do that. Like you said, he's had multiple women and all of that, that still ain't stop you

from having sex with him. And it must be something really, really really good about you. Baby, you're snapping turl and have an ask because he keeps coming back, and then it's causing him to act out even in parenting, when he can't it what you want from you, he takes it out on the kids, you know, like not getting them. I'm not saying beating on him and I'm like that I'm sing, but not getting them and not doing what he needs to do for them. And you know he pays when he wants to pay for ship or he

come gets them whenever he wants. That's because you haven't completely cut him off from the cat. Once he realizes okay, we can't be intimate, no more ashamed funk with me, then maybe that's when he'll start getting it. This is strictly about the kids, but you have to set that boundary. This is strictly about our children. We have to raise them. As effectively as as we can. We cannot confuse them. Mommy and daddy ain't together, but Daddy come over here

every Friday night, stay to night in Mommy's room. What the hell is going on? And then when we're with daddy we see other women, we get threatened by other women. No no, no, no, cut that nigga off and just make him a co parent. That's it. And I mean that girl checked back in with me. And just like that, we come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session

with your girl. Just hilarious. Make sure you submit, like I said, your copy warranting inquiries to the co Parents and Therapy page and send send send your stories here on the Carefully Reckless page. Tune into Reckless Discussions, Tune and tune in age and every Wednesday at seven pm only on YouTube, and then my deepest paying boys piece. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and

The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.