My Baby's Lazy

Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and the Black Effect.

Oh shit we on a air.

Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jessilarious.

And what I be doing.

I'll be fixing mess not only here on the Carefully Reckless podcast on the Black Effect Network under our Heart, I be doing that shit on Breakfast Club each and every Thursday. Well it alternates between Wednesdays and Thursdays or whatever, but that's what I'll be doing, y'all. So We're gonna jump straight into it. And I'm so excited. Guess what your guess why? I guess why?

Yes? Why? Because we have a fucking voice memo. Thank you. So we're just gonna jump straight into it. Here we go.

What's so, jes, I don't think I ever ever heard a guy come on here, but maybe I'll be the first.

Please bear with me. I do have my son in the car.

Okay, you not with You're not the first.

Out with my significant other for probably a little bit over three years.

We just had our second child a week ago, and I would.

Say within these last three years I have been having issues with you know, her not wanting to grow and just you know, help me push you know forth in my business, you know, and and and just help help me. Just just be that that woman for me that they can sense. So when we had our first child, I you know, gave her the option to go to work or stay home, and she is not to stay home. And and and that's how I like it.

Man. I feel like, you know, any I feel like.

Own black men shouldn't have their significant other, uh stay home and.

And take care of the household while we're out doing the farmwork. And my Max was just trying to build and grow my business.

And you just make sure that my family never have to go to work. And I would say, one of the things that really gauzes me is we're avery almost home, buddy, is that she does.

Not put forth any effort to show that she values he has been while I'm not here going to work for difficult people, if you know what I mean. It's just as a black man working out in an American assistance of all in general.

But I'm sacrificing that so she ain't got to deal with it.

And I don't wh I keep my boys on, you know, so while.

I'm putting forth, you know, my hardest work, working overtime every day, putting network on Saturdays, and then coming home and working the extra you know, three to four hours on my own personal business that I've.

Been working on for the last you know, four years or so.

I need her to ask me step up and hold it down at the house, and she has.

Not been doing that.

Like literally for the last three years some of my relationships, she has literally not done anything.

And I said rules, like, hey, if.

You're gonna be in stay at home mom, you went to homeschool like kids, let's start working on the curriculum for them, you know, because I don't agree with the public school system. I feel like young black men should

I cannot destroy my family like that. You know. I got two boys that needs me and the two playing household. It's just that's extremely important to me because I didn't have that and it affected me a lot.

But when you're dealing with somebody who don't respect growth and developing themselves as a you know, person in general, it really bothers me.

And You've got a lot of people who are just okay with just.

Going to work and and just looking forward to the weekend, and I'm not. And I'm like, I'm.

Grinding, and I need my partner to know, like, hey.

I need you to grind with me one quickst album. With my business, you know, I'm probably projected to make an extra thirty to fifty thousand dollars in my small business this year.

But I'm doing everything by myself.

Like I have to answer all the emails, I have to talk to.

The people that I hired to work for me to.

Do some software stuff and engineering type stuff. I gotta do all that. And it would really suit me to have her hands as emails, have her contact, or even have her do.

Some social media stuff for me. But it's literally like she doesn't really value it.

And like, sexually, I love it if I love having sex with her, but for me to boost my energy with her, it's just like I need some type of intellect between us to be formed, because like, it just doesn't really drive me to want to be so romantic when I have somebody who don't even care about growth.

And I would say we are.

In therapy right now, but I don't really see therapy working when I have already communicated.

Her like, hey, look, look if I need you.

Like it's tough out here, man, and I need you to you know, I need you to pick up that second half.

Of me while I'm at work.

And I do understand what got kids and she's a stay at home mom, but imagine if she had to go to work, and it'd be a lot different.

My question to you is like how do I how do.

I get her to understand the value that she brings to me as for one being at being at home taking care of kids, having a freedom not to go to work, and didn't deal with the bullshit.

I deal with, you know, It's like, how do I get that through her? Because like I have already maxed out of my life. I bought my second house when I was twenty nine years old. I make good money, you know, I got my family.

You know, it's just the thing that's lacking is that that woman. Man Like, I need her to pick up and be that rock for me.

Man Like. I literally, I literally do so much to the points where it's like.

Me to the point where I'm like, man Like, a lot of men go through this kind of shit and they end up getting aside piece or something like that, Hey we home, but let's go in to eat.

They end up getting aside chicken. I ain't trying to do that, man like.

I like, I like my girls, So just just help me out.

Man.

But I like what you're doing in the breakfast club. And keep up the good work. You're doing great. Your reading is getting a lot better too, by.

The way, a whole lot thanks.

First of all, you know what, I'm gonna come back to that, all right, I'm gonna come back to that. Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. But no, I just couldn't get past your baby in the back. You know, even though I have I'm pregnant right now already. That just gave me baby fever again. Babies, just give me baby fever period, pregnant or not, honey, I just oh

All right? Anyway, all right, let's get to that. And then secondly, thank you so much.

I appreciate you and and the fact that you complimented my reading or whatever, which is why I'm glad that you sent them the voice. No, nigga, ha ha, so I would have to read just shit because that was long. But let's jump into it. So obviously, either you two are from totally different walks of life, you know, y'all, y'all are bought up different differently. You know, you care about things that at twenty nine, like you said, you

Three years.

You let this go on. Okay, Now, I know you said you've talked to her and everything. I'm gonna just give you a couple things that it could be if it ain't the different worlds.

Okay, she just had a baby. That baby sounds fairly young.

I think you said he's a couple months or no, you should she just had a baby a week ago something like that.

I know you just said that.

You y'all have a newborn, of course, a small infant child. Have you ever thought about maybe she is having post traumatic stress disorder? Have you thought about like, maybe she is miserable in her own right, Maybe she wants to do something else so badly with her life. Maybe she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom just because that's the mold that you want her to fit.

Me, because that's what you see for her.

Have you ever thought that maybe she had dreams but she put them aside to have your two babies.

You get what I'm saying.

Have you thought about the fact that what's running through her mind when you are out there and those two babies are that she's not getting proper sleep.

Have you thought about that?

Now?

These are not excuses, these are facts, and this could very well be what's going on with her.

I just want to tell you don't.

And I know you're not discrediting her, and I know that you feel that you have given her grace, But have you you got to think about that? Have you given her grace all right until you are able to have a baby and then have another one and then you want me to cook and clean and still you know now, listen, it's been done. I'm not sitting here telling you that it is not possible, because baby, it is possible.

It's possible. Black women do it every day.

White women do it every day, Hispanic women do All other women do it every day. I'm not here to narrow it down to race, but I'm just saying women do it every day. Okay, so it is not impossible, but everybody is different. Their mindsets are different. Okay, everybody is not strong after birth mentally.

You get what I'm saying.

And then you say you bought up the thing of Okay, we can do therapy, but I feel like me talking to her should be enough, should be mm hmm. Because you're in the house, you have a bias opinion. You know you're in it. Maybe y'all do need a professional. Okay, I understand.

Brother.

I just want to say congratulations on you being that strong black man for your family. All right, you're building an empire and you wanting to take care of your family because it's not. There are many brothers like you, but we need more. You get what I'm saying. I do understand. I understand, But I also need you to understand the other side of it as well, and that's her side. You come home to a dirty house, you feel yo, she could very well be depressed as fuck.

Right now.

You know the baby's crying, and then you know sometimes you got to come home and cook. Let's compromise, okay, baby, piece of day can be Thursdays and Fridays. You don't gotta cook Monday through Friday. I'll give you that check in with her how.

Is you today?

Baby?

Why is the house dirty?

Is it something that I you know, it's something that was bothering you today? How's your mental? How do you how are you feeling? Come here and sit down. Let the baby cry for a second. Let there is nothing wrong with a baby crying. They strengthening them lungs. I'm telling you all right, So nothing wrong with a baby crying for a little minute. Y'all go sit in the room somewhere. What happened? Why is the house dirty? Furthermore, before we get to the house being dirty, listen, how's

You're already frustrated with it.

So if she's frustrated and you're frustrated, that's all it's gonna be is just boom knocking heads, knocking heads, you know what I'm saying, Instead of knocking the boots, y'all need to get back to y'all. Y'all sexual spice. Y'all need to be able to put them babies down. She needs a schedule, she needs a schedule, she needs to prioritize certain things.

But you have to get through to her mental first.

Make sure she's mentally okay and not just being lazy, because we can always mistake what we think somebody is going through for some shit that they're actually really going through. You get me, I hope you getting me all right now. I absolutely applaud you for putting me in your business because you did not you absolutely did not have to do this.

But I'm happy.

And no, you're not the first man to come on and actually ask for my advice on an issue.

And thank you for being so open and vulnerable.

You know, most of our black men do not feel comfortable, you know, And because you came to me with the situation. I know that you would be down for therapy. I know you got to get inside your woman's brain. Babe, you have to we hurt just like y'all hurt. You are a black man. You are a black man, which means, yeah, it is a lot harder for you in this world, whatever industry you in, whatever workforce you and than other races.

Of course, you get me. You get what I'm saying.

But at the same time, it's hard for us too, all right, to be the bore of the house.

You know, we bear everything. You get what I'm saying.

If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. That beautiful woman of yours probably don't feel beautiful no more. You understand what I'm saying, So you have to meet her on those levels, and you already working hard.

You are. I'm applauding both of you.

I want it to be that communication where y'all take I don't even want to call it the ego and pride, take all the hardness away, take the defense away. Try not to offend her so much, give her grace in the conversation. Babe, Look what's wrong we need to see a professional.

Let's do it. You know, maybe you should take.

And I don't know how your finances are set up, set up, maybe you should take maybe one week or even four days off of work, three four days off work and live in her world and see watch her everyday pattern. I'm not gonna say, put cameras in the house, because what the fuck. You ain't spying on your girl. I don't know if you said your wife or your girl. You're not spying on her. You want to have a day in the life of her. First, You're not home with them babies all day, not all day, all right,

So I know that's not hard.

And I know that it sucks like hell for a man to feel like he cannot provide for his family. So that's where your mindset is, and I love that for you, But I want you to give her the grace in the conversation to make her feel safe enough to tell you, baby, I don't feel I don't know, I don't know what it is. Maybe she don't even know how to communicate that. You know, because you always come home on ten. You know, I'm not saying you're

I'm not saying that.

He's coming home violently verbally attacking her and shit, no, no, no, no no, but she's very fragile. She just had another baby. She's very fragile. Treated that way all right. I'm not saying coddle her and make excuses and all of that, but you still have to understand we're very fragile. You want we give birth and PTSD. I think that's it. That is very real. That is very real. I just saw a video the other day of a woman screaming to the top of her lungs at her baby in her baby's face.

I hate you, I hate you. The baby was crying.

What was the husband doing recording his wife doing that shit instead of removing the baby, removing the fucking baby from the room. And then when he posted it, he captioned it, my wife has pt AS the I mean, she has post traumatic disorder. She has she's not she's not been well. So why the fuck are you recording or posting or putting on the internet embarrassing her? Probably not enough, fucking right, mind. She was a home mom

You understand what I'm saying. How old is she?

Like, give me a little bit more feedback on it. Like I said, I'm not beating you up. I'm not beating you down.

Brother. I actually really do love that you came to me with this story. All right. This is the first time I've actually gotten a story like this. It's very relatable and it's very real.

I just want you to understand, like I understand that you need her, but she needs you too. You understand what I'm saying. She needs you and the babies need y'all. So y'all got to make sure y'all straight for these babies. You know, I know you don't want to leave her. I can tell you love her, I can tell you hold her to a higher standard. I can tell no, you don't need no motherfucking side piece honey, because before you know it, you're gonna have to take care of.

That one too.

Don't play with it, all right, because what you're doing for your wife, the side piece gonna look up and then you know, or your girl, main girl sidepiece gonna look up like, oh sure we can take care of me.

No, bitch, keep it moving.

He got two children and he got he got a home to fix right now. So no side pieces ain't never the way to go unless you motherfucking leave her. And you ain't trying to do that because you told me so. I want you to take into consideration that we need y'all to we do. And I know it feels like you're fighting the world, that you got a lot going on already. I know what it feels like. I know, I know, I know, ugh, But you can be her rock. Look that's what partners do. You need

You gotta live in her world too, boo.

Like I said, take them two days off, you can probably take one day off and see what the fuck she go through, all right?

You know now, if she is just lazy.

Uh.

You know, sometimes you gotta make a motherfucker get.

A job, you know, Yeah, get on out there and get on out there. I don't know if y'all have active parents or you know, family support. All right, take them babies to my I mean, pay her a couple of dollars or whatever.

You know what I'm saying.

You go get a job and see what it is. See how it is out here. That's if she is lazy. But you don't know. We don't know, So look, figure it out. Try your best to figure it out. I know you tie it, but she probably is too, all right. I love you, shit, I love her too, shuit. Make sure you check back in with me. I'm glad that you send me this story. And just like that, that took up the whole episode. But that was a good goddamn story, y'all.

All right?

Good, and I'm gonna keep on working on my reading for this brother.

Make sure you get your tickets if you have not yet, for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival, where I will be fixing mess on stage live again. Like I said before, I will be pulling people, unprompted, unprovoked, out of the audience. To fix your mess on the spot. That's how I do it best. Get your tickets if you have not yet. VIP is sold out, and you can also pitch your podcast first Come, first serve. It will be a table there or a vendor or something.

Can't.

Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.