Love Triangle

whole episode. I'm not gonna stop doing them, but I'm gonna do them every other week because i want to give more people a chance to get their stories out there. But the lengthy ones I will do every other week. And listen, don't let that discourage you from sending your voice memos. If you want me to hear your voice, if you rather talk about it than write about it or type about it, then you can certainly do it.

Just no, it may take a few weeks for you to hear yours, because I'm only gonna do the voice notes every other week. Okay, this woman sent in her story forst one, Jess. I pray this DM finds you. You are one of the ones I respect because you keep it so real. Please fix my friend of twenty years mess. Okay, I'm gonna make it quick, but you're about to be like shit. Okay, my best friend been married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years

who was married to his wife over fifteen years. Hold on, bit what wait a minute, Let me let me slow this ship down, because, for one, why you ain't putting no goddamn punctuation points in here. It's just one big, long run on sentence ship. And then you're gonna write in all caps like it's really really that good, if it's all going together. I can't understand. Let me try

to make sense of this. Okay, my best friend been married for eleven years with a boyfriend of nine years who is married to his wife of over fifteen years. I've been in this friendship and seen it all play out very peaceful. Both men loved that girl to death. Her husband will kill her if he ever found out about the boyfriend, and the boyfriend treats her like gold. I'm scared for her, though, And the one time I tell her to stop, we fall out and her boyfriend's

wife gets a message about them. I would have never done that, but she thinks it was me and haven't spoken to me in months. I love my friend, but the ship is foul and how is it love? I'm married of ten years, but her ship got me on my husband case all the time. Anyway, should I try to fix us or say fuck us and our friendship? For her to think I would go and tell that woman anything about her and the woman's husband. I got

pics of them and everything. If I wanted to, I could let her know everything, but I would never because she's my friend. I just want her to stop it because she's being dangerous. All right, So you are not writing me for you, You're writing me for your friend. First off, I want to say you are a good friend for trying to get help with your friend's issue, because that's exact actually what it is. That's a motherfucking issue a k A. A problem b k A A

big motherfucking problem. What's going on? So your best friend married for eleven years, but she has a boyfriend that she's been with for nine years. That means she started cheating very early in her marriage. She was only married to her husband for two years before she decided to get with his boyfriend. Now the husband don't know does the boyfriend know that she's married? See that's what you

didn't tell me. I want to know if the boyfriend knows that she's married, because what would be easier, and I'm not justifying or trying to give anybody any ideas with how to get away would having a boyfriend and her husband, But it would be easier if one of them knew. It's like, how the hell do you keep up a nine year relationship and an eleven year marriage without either of them finding out about each other. So I would think her boyfriend knows that she's married. However

she feeds him the fact that it's complicated. I just feel like he just has to know because he's married as well. So what she has to lose, he in fact has to lose as well. So the only person who don't know would be your best friend's husband and her boyfriend's wife. Well, the wife knows now, but the only person in the dark is the husband. Jesus Christ, And you want to know from me if you should try to reconcile with your best friend. She's been your

best friend for fifteen years. I don't feel the need to throw away the friendship over this one. It's not your problem. I know that you love her. She's very close to you. It seems you know and she's your best friend. I mean, should I have one. I've been best friends with my best friend, SHANEA for nine years, so I definitely know how attached people are. So they're

best friends. Man. As far as you holding the grudge against her, being mad at her because she's mad at you for something that you didn't even do, that's just friendship. That's friendship. Friendship, Okay. That that's a set down between you two. That's a one on one lunch, that's a link up, and y'all just sit down and talk about it, because honestly, it's not like she feels that way for no reason. I mean you said when you told her listen,

they just need to stop. You got a husband and you got a boyfriend, and it's like, yo, you know your husband will kill you if he finds out that you're cheating. Blah blah blah. You said, y'all fell out, she blew up on you. Okay, that's because she's gotten away with it for so long she doesn't feel the need to stop. She's getting away with it. She's having her cake and she's eating it too. You understand what I'm saying. So in her mind, you're my best friend.

You're my ride or die. Even if I am doing something wrong, you can tell me, but don't ever go behind my back and snitch on me. You get what I'm saying. So and coincidentally, even if you didn't reach out to the wife, it just coincidentally happened that the wife had found out that her husband was cheating. I don't know if she knew that he was she for nine goddamn years. But I know for a fact that

it was just coincidental. And it may have seemed like because if I was your best friend, I would think the same thing. I would be like, Yo, it's mighty funny that after you tell me that you don't like what I'm doing and how I'm moving this nigga's wife, after nine years of her not knowing anything, his wife just hits me up. Even if you did go to the wife, I ain't gonna hold you. I don't see

that completely wrong. However, it pulls your loyalty card with your best friend, because before I will go and tell this man's wife, I was set down with my best friend's husband and tell him I ain't gonna hold you. Now, I'm built very differently. I don't give a funk. I just don't do that. I don't condone that type of ship. And I'm not saying that this is something that I would definitely do. Oh, go to the husband, go to

my best friend's husband. No, I would just go to my best friend's husband before I would go to my best friend boyfriend's wife. That's two goddamn uh. And then do you know both they in a relationship for nine years? That means that boyfriend know you, because I'm not gonna be in a relationship with nobody for nine years and not know their best friend, not being around their best friend, not ever being the same vicinity with their best friend. You know what I'm saying, This has been a nine

year fucking affair. I know that you you've been around this man all the while, knowing that it's hard to even be around him. And you know you're close with her husband because that's who she married, and that's your best friend. So you're in the middle. Whether you want to believe it or not, you're in the middle. My thing is that would make me take a step back from my best friend too, just when people live their lives recklessly and wildly like that, knowing that they're hurting

people knowing that they can possibly hurt someone. And you even said it her husband would kill her. I don't know if you meant in literal terms, but and ain't like Wayne saying nothing like this before. People get caught cheating, People kill each other. People, Oh my god, people kill over love. People commit suicide over love. People do crazy things, They kidnap people's children over love. It's all types of ship in this world that we got going on right now,

and it's worse than it's ever been. So I think you should try to salvage the relationship with your best friend. I mean, because you two do owe each other a conversation. And I'm not saying just you. Notice I said you too. You both you both owe each other conversation. You both

owe each other redemption, you know. I don't know if you know if this relationship is still going on between her and the boyfriend, because you said when the wife found out, you cut the story off there and you wanted to know what you should do about your friendship. I'm assuming you don't know because you haven't talked to

or or whatever. But hopefully that wife found out for the fucking better and they're working on their marriage, and your best friend is working on her marriage with her husband. Was the two divorces going to funk on something? That something either way? Because I kind of want to fix her mess and not y'alls. God damn, this is crazy. But have a conversation with her. Swallow your pride and tell her listen. It really hurt me that you thought that I would seriously go snitch on you behind your back.

You cut me off when I was trying to tell you that what you're doing is not right, it's not acceptable. How would you like if your husband had a non affair on you? How would you like to find that out? Like, that's not good. I'm married too, And what the funk you got going on? I mean, looking at my my husband crazy because you never know you're sleeping with a stranger. Your husband been sleeping with your sneaky ass for nine years and had no ankling, had no idea that you've

been cheating on him for nine fucking years. It's weird, it's disgusting, it's a slap in the face. It's an insult to the covenant that we had were married bitches, And I just felt like, if you didn't want your husband girl, you could have stayed single, or you could have got divorced. I was just being a friend telling you I would never go and snitch on you. These neat to be your key points when you talk. You need to let her know your frustration, but don't come

at her. Talk to her. Just talk to her. Don't come at her now. It may get heated, but she probably got so much to tell you. You just never know. And honestly, she probably needs you more than anything right now, but won't say it because y'all both got chips on your shoulders. Y'all want to be mad at each other, but y'all miss each other. I can tell you've been this girl's best friend for fifteen years. I know y'all

got inside as and all types of ship. Y'all. Y'all probably want to send each other means and and funny ship online all day. Like y'all, bitch, listen, go make up with your friends. And whether you guys make up or not, you can say you tried. You can say I redeemed myself. I just wanted you to know the truth. If we walk away from here and we're never friends again, I want you to know the truth. I did not do what you accused me of. But I just want you to get your life together. Boom out, that's it,

that's done. All right, check back in with me, girl, Thank you Jesus. That's that's crazy. That's crazy. Hold up, Hold up. I know the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Alright. Moving on, Hey, jos, I'm here with an update as well as another question. So to clear things up, I was with my boyfriend for four years and never met his kids or family.

Oh I remember this story. Yes. I finally put it all on the table and told him how I felt. He claimed he never thought to include his kids in his personal life. What he asked for time to work on my issues, and I said okay. Fast forward a week later. We get into a very small disagreement and he ignored me for a week. Well it couldn't have been that damn small. He finally texted me out the blue a week later and tells me I don't truly love him. At this point, I just said fuck it.

I told him he never truly loved me and the relationship he was giving I didn't want. Next thing. I know. He's telling me I'll never hear from him again, and if I see him out, then act like I don't know him. The nerve of this motherfucker shaking my head. It's been ten days and we haven't spoke since. I know I'm better off without the relationship, But is it crazy that I still want him as a friend. I'm alone in this state and could use his wisdom and advice.

He's forty three and I'm twenty nine. Let me know, just boom that your question right there. So listen, his little forty three year old ass is playing games with your baby ass. Okay, that's what it sounds like to me. He's playing games with you. No, listen, not every older guy sought out to play games with these younger girls. Some some older guys just genuinely are attracted to younger females, not little girls, younger females, younger women. Um, and you

are a young lady, are almost thirty. Not saying that you're too fucking young for him, but I think that he's playing on your feelings and taking advantage of how you feel and taking advantage of the fact also that you moved to the state to be with him right, And he knows you don't know any want and you can't just up and leaving, you know, uproot again and go back home, or go back where you want to go, or go wherever. He knows that. So he's playing on

that fact you you don't need him. I think you got comfortable with knowing that he's always gonna be there. He's always, um gonna take care of you or gonna make you feel better. And I think that he also has spoiled you, and you spoiled him as well. With accessibility. He knows he always has access to you. He knows he can call you and make you feel a certain way and you'll be feeling that way for a week. He he knows, he, like you just said, he ignored you for a fucking week. How to funn you do

that to somebody that you love? How the fun you do that to somebody that you're in a relationship with. How the hell can you do that? Going back to the first time that you wrote me, you said that you were in a relationship with this man for four years and haven't met his kids. He told you kids or any other family. I mean you you met in passing a brother and a cousin. Who's to say they were his real family members? Though you don't know, you have to pay attention and the ship like that. His

kids are his immediate family. Why the funk wouldn't he think to include them in his personal life when they're his people. They're his persons that came out of his damn balls. How the hell don't you include your kids, whether they're grown or not. I've been your girlfriend for four years. How the funk I don't know your children, never seen them, never laid eyes on them a day of my life. They've never spoken to me or anything. Wake your ass up, baby, Wake your ass up. Get

out there, get to know other people. I'm not saying date established friendships. Go to a couple of barns and nobles. I'm dead serious. Go take walks around the park. Start doing ship for you, because once you start focusing on yourself, that's how you make people mad. That's the sweetest revenge to work on yourself. Because you're a little damaged to be sitting here dealing with this ship. It must be

something in you. I don't know if it's self esteem, or if it's you know you're comfortable, or you you know, complacent or you know you're twenty nine and you haven't even reached your third decade of life yet. Seriously, I want you to get yourself to cather, get out there, should go back to school, do something with yourself. You don't need him as a friend. You don't. He ain't gonna be no friend because he already know how to unlock certain feelings and play on your heart strings. So

you don't need a friend like that. No, you don't. He need to get itself together, and what you need to do is take his advice. Do what he tell you to do. Act like you don't know his ass. All right, don't ever hit him up again. I mean, I know it's easier said than done, but I've been in your shoes, and I'm telling you you'll feel better knowing what I know. Now. Oh, I would have loved for just to fix my fucking mess and tell me. Oh, do what he's saying, because once you really do it.

That's why I told you to do it, because he knows you're not ever going to do it. You're not gonna do that. You don't want to cut him off. You're in love with him, but for real, for real, like I said, cut that motherfucker off and start living for you and watch his as crawled right back up in your ass. To believe that. If that's what you want to go with it. If not, by boom, check back in again. Thank you? All right, we got one last one and then we're gonna get out of here,

says I need some advice on the podcast. Don't say my name because he listens to. So. I was with a guy for two years. Prior to that, I've been in nothing but abusive relationships for over four years. My last dude chased me for about two years. Then when he finally got me, he did me bad, like real bad. I found out he was positive. I found out he cheated with a plethora of people. He has lied about having sex with certain people and lied. He's abusive, narcissist,

and a manipulator. I'm twenty five, he's forty. I have my own and he does too. But he knows I have low self esteem as far as my looks and body, and he plays on that badly. We've been broken up for a year, but won't leave each other alone. What should I do? By the way, just three days ago, a I I know sent me messages of him fucking him after he's saying he still hadn't had sex, so

he's a liar. Jess, Oh my lord, alrighty, already, already, already, sweetie, Jesus, what is up with these forty year old men messing with these nine year old motherfucker's these people in the twenties. Okay, So, judging from your page, which is private and you have a cartoon thumbnail, I don't know if you're a guy or a girl. However, I don't want to assume, so I'm just gonna speak as if I'm talking to a woman or man. It doesn't matter. Now you said he

was positive. You didn't say he was positive? What like he what covid? Uh? Gnarhea. It's a plethora of STDs, just like those plethora of people that he was fucking lying about. He was cheating on you with those people. Hmmm. I don't understand why you ask me what you should do, Like, just just listen. It's like sometimes people need to hear their story back to them. Sometimes you need to repeat people so they can hear just how crazy this is.

You have to take yourself out of your situation and look from the outside in and I'm going to help you do that. I understand why this is so hard for you because you have been and nothing but abusive relationships, whether that's emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever. You know, you've been in abusive relationships over the past four years, so you've kind of gotten used to abuse, which no one should ever have to go through. Nobody should ever have to

feel this way. So you're you're kind of a magnet for abuse, And don't take that the wrong way. That's true.

People attract certain spirits and certain behaviors and and then they wonder why, because if I'm right, you're a people pleaser and you think you can help everybody, and you like to give everybody the benefit of the doubt because you also have low self esteem and you think you're not good enough for the people that you really really want to date, that you really really see yourself with, or people that you've even tried to get within the past and it hasn't worked because you have low self

esteem being rejected all that ship. So you're taking who takes you, You're accepting who accepts you, and ultimately you're settling. You're settling, and you are giving benefit of the doubt to everyone because people change. Yeah, people change, but people can't change people. People change themselves. Now, you can help people change, but you're not even in the right state of mind or where you need to be for you to help someone else. You know what I'm saying, because

you're still suffering real with something. You're still you know it's something about you reading your story. It's deeper than just dating. This is something else as well. You know. I need you to figure out what that is. Babe. I don't know if I can help you with with within yourself. I don't know, but I do. I want you to know that I think that you should stay

the funk away from this nigga. I'm telling you that because when somebody shows you who they are and you keep turning a blind eye to it, you're not being real with yourself. Now, you're lying to yourself about this person they're showing you. Now, they're not telling you who they are. They're showing you, which is better because you

can tell me anything. But when you start showing me the type of person you are, that gives me the liberty to say, Okay, I don't want to deal with this, or I can deal with this, but you are settling and you're staying in it because you just want someone to love you. You have a true desperation for love. You have an unruly desperation for love. And you cannot and will not be happy like that. You're not You're never gonna find happiness, never gonna be happy for long

like that. You're gonna end up miserable, and you can end up losing your life like that as well. Because this abusive ship, this is a cry for help, and I need you to go get help. Okay, leave that motherfucker alone. Seriously, he's showing you who he is. You don't need any more confirmation, you don't need. I don't care if he begs you, whatever the funk. I don't give a fuck. Y'all been broken up for a year,

but y'all can't leave each other alone. Uh, that's because you know you ain't going to where leave you said. He plays on the fact that you don't. You're not confident in your body and your face and how you look. Leave because there is someone out there that's gonna love you for your body, your face, your personality. When you wake up in the morning, somebody's gonna want to smell that motherfucking morning breath when you go to bed and nice, somebody's gonna wanna cut it up and hold your ass.

You understand, So, man or woman, whatever whoever you are, I don't care. You need to let that go and start healing on yourself. And listen, you will never be healed. That's what I want people to understand. There's no way that you can be healed. Everybody always running around something. Oh I want to I want to date somebody that's healed. I want to make it that's already healed. Already. Listen, You're gonna be healing for the rest of your life.

Everybody who's been through something is going to be healing for the rest of their lives. Why, Because the world doesn't stop is new trauma every day, new situations, new ship that we can't even control, that are out of our hands, that are affecting us, that we didn't even think had anything to do with us. Oh, but it does. So the things that you think don't affect you will.

It's almost humanly impossible to find someone that's completely fucking healed. Seriously, Now you can be with someone that can assist you in your healing. Process that can help you heal. That's called building together. That's called working, building a strong foundation, open honest communication, doing everything the right way, not lying about ship I'm talking about. That's how you start a true healing process. And who's to ever say that you

will be healed one cent? But if you do it the right way, you'll end up turning out better than you would if you keep living life like this, sweetie. So I want you to check back in with me, um, and I want you to know something. I love you. I don't know you, don't know your name, I don't care, but I love you just as a person you are. You're enough. You're enough. Stop thinking that you aren't because a person says it. That's just another person with the

same skin you got. If you cut them, they're gonna bleed just like you. Just know that. And just like that, we've come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session with Dr Jess because I'm fixing mess all day and then my deepest pam boys peace. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,