Welcome to Can'tflee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and the Black Effects.
Oh shit, we want to hear.
Okay, welcome back to yet another episode of Canfully Reckless Season four. We're in season four, guys, I'm so excited to announce that we're gonna jump straight into it. We have no voice memos. Y'all just don't respect me at this point. Y'all want me to read and mess up and try to catch all errors before y'all even my gosh, y'are so stressful. I'm done before even start. But I'm about to start right now. So this story Cater's Surprise Month. I'm very proud to announce that as well. I mean,
I'm not gay, but I'm proud to announce that. Okay, so here we are. I'm a longtime listener, so you were the first one I thought about when I heard this news.
Okay, I'm going to make this short. Sweet.
I've been dating this guy for about four years now, and he recently told me that he had a couple of sexual experiences with transsexual women when he was in his twenties.
We are both in our forties.
I am definitely an open minded person and believe that everyone has the right to explore. I also don't necessarily like the double standard when it comes to women exploring. But am I wrong for feeling a little bit weird about the fact that he had an entire dick in his mouth?
Damn No, you're not. Sis.
He says that it was just an exploration and that he is not attracted to men. Would you believe that? What would you do in this situation? I really need some other opinions about this. Please keep me anonymous, and thank you so much. Oh baby, I definitely wouldn't be like so Shara said, hard nigga be having big dix in his mouth. No, I'm not going to ever put you all day like that, okay, But her name is
not Charrey, y'all. That was just me giving an example of me Aaron out who tells me their stories.
I would never do that.
That's why you remain anonymous, Okay. The fact that you are open minded and that you said you believe that everyone has the right to explore. I do understand that, but that goes to a certain extent because while you're that way, you also said you just m you just can't get over the fact that he had an entire dick in his mouth, although he said that he was just exploring how many dicks did he have in his mouth?
They'd lets you know that, Oh, was this just you know, a one time, little dingling thing, like you know what I'm saying, Like, how many times did he actually do this?
And then two that shouldn't even be a question, sis, because he actually did keep it a buck with you, and he told you that he had a couple of sexual experiences with transsexual women, you know, and transsexual women they still have the penis, you know, transgendered women, they don't, you know what I'm saying, So we Yeah, he at one point was attracted to transsexuals when he was in his twenties. Now y'all both in y'all forty, so this
was twenty years ago, of course. And I mean, I love the fact that he was honest with you, and I I'm and I'm assuming that he was honest upfront and that this didn't come after y'all started fucking and catching feelings and y'all were already intimate with each other and already were in a relationship something like that. I hope that that wasn't the case. However, you did not let me know, so I'm just going to assume that
he told you that shit up front. You know, a lot of guys they feel like they don't need to bring up their past, especially about something like this that was, you know, over twenty years ago.
So I do respect him in that sense.
However, just like you, some things I just can't get over, Like if you know, if I were you, you know, and in your shoes and open minded and you know, and I'm okay with dating someone who has explored that if that worthy case, I don't know. I can't even see.
That's the thing.
I can't even put myself in your shoes because I don't know.
I can't. I just I really love to go there with you, guys.
I love to put myself in your shoes, but I can't even imagine a man saying that to me, like, you know, hey, I just want to let you know when I was I'm you know, we're forty now, but when I was twenty, I did used to have sexual encounters with transsexual women. You know, I would be like, Okay, I'm glad that you are honest, but this is either the last time you're ever going to see me or we just have to be friends from that, you know, because he gave you a choice. Honestly, he gave you
a choice by telling you. I think that's what he was doing. He was not giving you a way out, but giving you an option because some men they won't tell you that shit. But now fast forward to y'all being y'all forties.
You said that he said that he's not attracted the men. What about it?
Don't you trust the fact that he did give a man oral pleasures before, like oral sex?
Like what about it?
I mean, because one part of it can't discuss you to the point where you just want to leave him alone.
It has to be all parts, Like so, are you more okay with.
Him bending one of the trans women over than you are about him having the penis of a trans in his mouth? Like I because it just seems like that that's the only thing in the back of your mind, like you suck to dick beffore, like that's what seems like it runs through your mind, but not him actually
laying down having sex with a transsexual woman. And then it's like, I want to tell you, you can't like be upset about one part without being upset at all of it, or you know, or having second thoughts about one part without having second thoughts about all of it.
But I mean, you asked me what you should do.
I think if that's going to always be in the back of your mind, you have to be honest enough with him, like he was honest enough with you to let you in on his past.
Because think about it, somebody else could have told you.
Y'all could be out one day walking in the park, you know, and one of his ex exes or you know, former buddies come up and be like, yeah, I was fucking your nigga, and he'd be like, ah when and he'd be like, oh, it's twenty years ago. But yeah, Then what you're gonna do. You're gonna sit there and be like, well that was twenty years ago, you know. And what if he was like, no, he suck my deck, then you're like, oh my god. So girl, you gotta
think about it. You gotta really really think about it, because maybe maybe you're not ready for what you thought you was, you know, and that's okay. As women, you know, we get a little confused sometimes. You know, maybe you do love him, but if that's going to be in the back of your mind, sweetheart, I say, move on and be honest with him, you know, because you do owe him that.
Okay, keep me updated.
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Okay.
I am a seventeen year old woman who lives in Nigeria. I was born in the US, but I am from Congo and have spent most of my life living in Africa. I'm in the serious need of your help. Oh wait a minute, is this about some money, because I don't. Oh well, okay, girl, Well you start off like that and it be like I'm in serious need of your help.
It's like, oh no, no, no, no, okay, Okay.
My dad is cheating on my mom, who is currently in North America trying to find a job so we can finance me going to university. Okay, this is not the first time my father has been unfaithful. Once my mom packed her bags and threatened to leave, he begged her on his dusty as knees not to go.
I know it's right.
I had to carry her thirty pounds suit up the stairs when she decided to stay, and I was only twelve.
Okay.
The same thing happened about two years later, but this time she went back to Cameroon, threatened to divorce him, but was magically cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen two months later.
Oh, I see what are we going? Okay?
My dad's infidelity has been a consistent issue in their marriage, and I know my mom will not leave him. He's a good father most of the time, and I could care less if they are together or not, because I honestly think they're better parents when they are apart. About two years ago, when we were moving to a new city in Nigeria, we lived alone with my dad. I had to do all the motherly duties which I am used to modern slavery type things. Girl, okay, okay, baby.
He was cheating then too.
I found condoms in the trash can and he was coming late every night. I decided to mind my own business as I had my own shit to deal with, and honestly, I was hoping my mother was doing her thing as well. This time is different, as I am too soon to leave the house and I can't have my brother having to pick up after my sloppy, horny father.
I'm sorry, I do not mean.
To laugh I'm just trying to figure out what is the problem, Like you know what I'm saying, Like, okay, because it seems like more of a ventcing session. But I got you, baby, I'm gonna keep going because it's about four more progress, all right. He is so disrespectful and does not even have the decency to cover his tracks. He bought cheap ass condoms when we went grocery shopping and thought he was slick making me go get salad
while he quickly paid for it. We are a carnivorous family. Yeah, okay, girl, so do everybody else. You don't have to You don't have to say we are a carnivorous family.
Oh, let me finish. Okay.
Nobody in this bitch eats salads. Oh a girl. I'm like, all right, but you and I have to say we're not.
We are a carnivorous family.
Like, girl, okay, so technical, I know she's going to college.
Okay, Nobody in his bitch eats salads.
Later that night, he gave me the receipt to throw away and I saw condoms written at the top of the receipt. His first chaps were his priority before our school snacks. He has come home twice with dirty cheats that have wet spots on them, dirty draws you mean that have wet spots on them, and he asked me to put them in the washing machine so it can be ready for the next bitch. STDs still exist, they
certainly did. I am not an idiot. I am not one of the boys, so I don't know why he thinks it's okay to.
Be so oblivious with his adultery.
I don't want to tell my mom as she won't leave him and she is just going to be stressed out on the other side of the world, all right, because your mom is in North America and your dad is somewhere else. Okay, this is none of my business, so do so what the fuck is you telling me for? But I am already stressed out with school and teenager shit, so him adding this to my plate is revolting. I already think men are trash, and he is just reinforcing that narrative for me. If I don't tell my mom,
I also fear bad karma might come to me. But I also feel as though telling her selfish of me, as it would just relieve my guilt.
Hmm.
I need help, my friends ain't shit, respectfully, damn, And I go to a predominantly white school, so I could barely afford my scholarship.
The counselors and teachers there are no use. Girl.
You did a good job of making your life sound like the most shittiest of all shit lives in the world. Honey, hold up, Hold up. I know this shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen, Like, let me tell you something. I'm not gonna say we all have a cheating father, because you know, I don't know about everybody, but yes, I had a cheating father. And the reason why I say, hey, this is because he's not a
cheater anymore. My mom end up getting the strength to leave after just you know, after many, many, many affairs or whatever. But like your mom will get the strength to leave. I do understand. I thought the same thing about my mom at first. You know, my mother gonna listen to this like bitch. First of all, don't try,
you know, but yeah, I think that. You know, every woman has a breaking point, and who's to say that your mom is not doing her you know, but still in love with your father, you know, what I'm saying. Who's to say that your dad is not in love with his wife but he's still doing him?
You know what I'm saying.
And who's to say that this is not this comes from This is deeply rooted.
You get what I'm saying.
Like this is like generational although men at a certain age, man, you should know right for wrong. You got a woman that's down for you. You got a wife, you cannot cheat on her. That's just how some men are wired. You get what I'm saying. As far as you complaining about all the things you had to do for your mom, I get it.
I get it. But you are a child just like she your mother. You get what I'm saying.
You talk about carrying thirty pound bags up to the listen, let me tell you something right now, my son is twelve years old. I ain't lifting shit around that little boy, you understand. Yeah, so we gonna carry thirty forty fifty pound bags for me too. I get it, I understand. But I'm gonna let you know you do sound like a brad a little bit, you know what I mean? Because they still trying to figure out how they can pay for you to get to school. To get through school.
I get it. Your friends ain't shit. Get rid of them, make some new ones. You understand what I'm saying. Everything you told me is solvable. Everything you told me is solvable. It just seems like the only real, real, real issue. And I'm not discrediting you for anything that you're going through, But the real issue is that you really really have a herding bone from your dad, like and I think
that that should result to therapy whenever you're ready. I know you probably like, hell no, because you fed up with him. You only got one mom. He cheating on her, Ben cheating on her. She ain't strong enough to leave, what have you?
Whatever? You know what I'm saying, I understand.
But you can clearly learn not to be that woman from your mom. But we don't know what all she dealing with either. Do you talk to your mom? Do you see what else she going through? All this moving back and forth and shit, trying to be a mom, trying to provide, still trying to be a wife.
At the end of the day, you.
Said she was cooking his favorite meal two months after catching him cheating. Trusting me, I get all of that shit. I've seen it myself, so I get it.
I get it.
Figure out how to get a job as well. Like you know what I'm saying. You got teenage shit going on, Go get yourself a job, you know what I mean? Because at some point, if we see we can't rely on our parents, we got to make a happen for ourselves. We can't sit in salk in misery. You understand what I'm saying. So fuck all that teenage shit. I understand. I understand. But if you got people that ain't shit, drop them. You're still young. You got a lot of
life to live. Go get you a job. Help your parents put.
You through school. Help your mother put you through school.
I guarantee you you won't regret it, because this is your future.
It ain't theirs, it's yours. You know.
Sometimes as kids, we feel very entitled, you know, and we always say things, you know, we always feel that our parents should be doing this or should be doing that, And no, it's my parents' job, all right. If they ain't doing it, who's gonna do it? You?
So get yourself together, you understand what I'm saying.
Figure out exactly what you need to do to man that relationship with your father. You know what I mean, and it has to be a two player game. It can't be just you. It don't even seem like it's
gonna be just you. You know what I'm saying Now, I will say him putting you through shit like giving you a receipt where you did see that condoms were on there, or him making you go buy salad even though y'all be eating meat and shit, you know what I mean, just so you wouldn't see him by the condoms and shit, or him making you wash his dirty drawers and shit, and all of that type of shit. These are the things that you can bring up to him.
You get what I'm saying. You got to bring this type of shit up, whether you do it in a therapy session, whether you do it in a conversation with just you and your dad or whatever. You know. But I just want, I want, I need y'all to get past that hump one day in your life, because just like you get one mom, you got one dad.
You know, you get one dad.
Now they are father figures and they're our mother figures, but we get one set of.
Parents that created us.
You know, most high we have to think for that first, But we have parents that are responsible for our DNA, for you know, our living, our existence. So you might want to, you know, a little older, if you get a little older, because you are only seventeen, you get older, You're definitely gonna appreciate what I'm telling you. And I know you probably cussing my ass out, but sweetee, make
it happen. You're seventeen, you about to be eighteen, Like I said, drop them goddamn friends to ain't shit, because if they ain't shit now, they ain't gonna be shpit later, you know, until they grow up too, you know, and then see somebody. I think, even just for yourself individually, you seem like you got a lot, a lot going on, and you being your head a lot and you amplify shit a lot. Amplifies just a fancy word for dramatize, like you seem like a drama queen. Dramatic as how
in here talk about girl? You know what you wrote to me? You so dramatic, spoiled ass, but either way, either way talk about I had to do all the motherly duties girl, cook.
And clean and on it. If you was out on your own, who the fuck would do it for you?
Exactly exactly man, I remember when I was seventeen. Nah my main't cook dinner every night. I was making that shit. My brother five years older than me, we making that shit. Were trying to figure out how we feed ourselves a mom like you know what I'm saying. Like now, we weren't poor or anything like that, but our mom went to school, she worked, she had her own business, she was heavy in the church. Our dad worked two and three jobs. We had sometimes we had to fend for ourself,
and our parents taught us how to do that. So just watching them taught us. You know, we were visual learners to this shit. So that's just how it is. My little sister now, she's twenty now, but my little sister been raising herself since she was like sixteen years old.
You get what I'm saying. No, it ain't right, but it's okay.
In the words of Whitney Houston, okay and ain't right, but it will be okay. And trust me, one day you're gonna look back and you can be like, man, I was able to do that shit myself, So check in with me. I'm sorry if I'm Ajor Loys mad, because I know you get mad. He said, we don't even eat sale it in this bitch as eat all types of shit high, he said, go get it, sell it, and go get a sell it for me.
Ain't slipping my fucking connubs up in the beg sy.
All right, my big but shit girl, I gotta make your laugh some type of way because you're gonna head give yourself a little all to tack, honey. But check back in with me, sweetheart, and pray so God can send help on Dewey. If you pray, help will be on Dewey. Remember that, if you pray, help will be on Dewey.
Oh my God.
Yes, Okay, y'all, we've come to the end of yet another carefully breakfast episode with your girl. Justs hilarious because what I be doing I be fixing mess, y'all, and again and again and again. I also fix mess on Breakfast Club every Wednesday or every Thursday, depend depends on the topic that we have.
Make sure you call up.
There if you want an immediate measure of advice, because I know it takes me a while to get to everybody's stories when I'm doing my podcast and the hiatus, I know I left y'all hanging real quick, y'all, but I am pregnant as hell, and I just you know, I'm just tired at times.
And I got a lot of the shit going on too.
I have to send to other businesses and all, like getting up at three forty five four o'clock every morning.
That's a strain on my body and on my baby.
So yeah, if you feel like you need immediate advice every Wednesday or Thursday, just listen to the show and call up to the show and I can give you instant advice right there. One eight hundred five eight five one oh five one. I was ready saying it's the breakfast Club. Good morning, bitch. I'm so I'm so sorry, Like no, it's not the breakfast Club. Jesus, all right, y'all.
I love you. He's a can't.
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.