Jess, Fix My Mess!

And I'm gonna name this episode just fix my mess now. This is a segment that I was doing back in season one that I stopped doing. Don't ask me why I just stopped, do you know what I mean? But I'm picking it back up now. And I asked you guys last week on the Carefully Reckless page to submit some of the most complicating situations that you're going through right now, that you've been through and that you don't ever want to go through, or if someone close to

you went through something. Just keep it anonymous, because unlike last season, I'm not gonna put anybody out there, and a lot of y'all didn't really care about me putting your names and Instagram handles and social media handles out there because you know, you just didn't care. But I'm going to keep everybody anonymous, you know, just turning over a new leaf, and it will still help people, whether people know who you are or not. So these are

stories gearing toward relationship problems. Okay, First one, Jess, I've been with my man for eight months. I changed a lot of ship for him, including changing my clothes when he feels that my outfits are too seductive for public. But I feel my outfits are empowering and I don't want to change them, so I stopped. Whenever he gets upset, he screams and yells and calls me thoughts, what the funk should I do? What's my standpoint? Because I want to leave, but I do love him? Okay, Okay, so

I can see both sides. This is the thing. No man wants their woman to be walking around showing leavage and showing body parts that only he needs to see. So I definitely do understand. You know, if he feels as if your outfits are too seductive and he wants you to change them, if you are willing to change them, if you love him, that much and you're willing, then

it's nothing wrong with that. Now, what is he doing to you that's making you not want to keep the deal like it was and then you want to wear your cities out and ship like that's the thing. What is he doing? Is he not reciprocating any sacrifices or any compromised like because that that's a compromise. I would deem that as a sacrifice. You sacrificed your style for your man because he feels some type of way about you dressing like a damn hooker. Okay, mate, you didn't

say that. I'm an chill out all right, My bad, but that's what it looks like to him. And I've been through a similar situation. You know, my previous relationship. My boyfriend did not like for me to wear my body all the time. He didn't like for me to be tworking all over the internet, and Ship didn't like for others to see what his eyes should only see what's for him. You know, in a sense, you belong

to that person and that person belongs to you. When you officialize something, officialize is not a word, but damn it, I made it up. When you officialize, I think officiate is, but I like officialized, when you officialize a relationship meaning this is what we're doing, we're moving forward, we're together, we are one together, not even marriage, just a relationship. You have to be secure enough and you have to set those boundaries. Look, this is what I don't like.

And he told you that, But something had to happen for you to go back to wearing that ship. Maybe he's not compromising enough for you. Maybe you feel like you've been compromising for him and changing yourself and and he hasn't done anything. But he has a list of demands for you. So I don't think if you love him,

you should leave. This should be a conversation piece. You should sit down and talk to him, and you know, dress up in your lingerie girl, dress up in your goddamn law garay and you know, strip for him and do all of that, you know if if he likes that, and then you know, you get them all riled up. Feed him some strawberries his favorite fruit. Something, give him like a nice little tease, like a nice little strip show, you know, and put it on his ass right and

then sell them. Babe, Listen, these are my issues. This is the issue I know that you don't like me having my body out. I know that. However, this is my issue with you. I felt like you're not compromising enough. I changed for you. I don't feel like you're changing enough for me for me to keep on keeping up with your demands. If you want to stay, stay. I don't think this is a big deal. Honestly, guys, and to all my listeners out there, y'all can give me

your feedback. If y'all feel like my advice, you know, was good enough for my baby almost at a name. If you feel like it was good enough, let me know, because I feel like this is not big Ladies, this is not big man. They can make it through this. They just have to communicate and he has to be willing to compromise with your list of demands if you have any as well. Okay, everything has to be reciprocated

in a relationship. Okay, moving on. I was dating this guy for about a year, but I had never been to his house. He always would come to mind, or we would get hotels and we would travel. I would post him, he would post me, but it was just something that would keep me from coming over his house. I asked him and he would always go around the situation and want to take me out or come to my house. What do you think that was about, Well, the fact that the story is described in the past tense.

I think you figured that out your damn self, or or did y'all break up for a whole another reason, I don't know. Because you said you dated this guy for about a year, I honestly wouldn't automatically skip ahead to thinking that he had someone living with him or he was necessarily living a double life. My mind would go to, and this is only because you said, y'all

posted each other. You know, you are posting each other up, were going out on trips, he was with you, He was always your house and hotels or whatever, just whatever. That's the main reason why I wouldn't automatically go to the fact that he may have had someone else living

at home or living a double life. I will honestly say that maybe he didn't have a place to live and he could have been living with his mother, or he could have been staying with a homeboy and was leading you to believe that he had his own home or whatever, or maybe he never even spoken of it. But you know, women minds wander, our minds wander. If we don't know, something will start running in our heads and we will make up some ship and we will

get in our own way. I do feel like you should have told me a couple of his responses when you would ask him, why can't I come to your house? So let me come over? Because you said that he would always go around it. How would he go around it? What are the things that he would say, like, oh, no, my ship, my house dirty right now, or you know, or I'm getting the carpet pulled up and ship like whatever. But this was a year, a year, and you hadn't

been to his residence. Maybe he ain't have no goddamn residence, or think worst case scenario, maybe he was living a life. Maybe he did have a girlfriend at home, or a wife at home, or a man at home, a boyfriend at home. It doesn't matter. Nowadays, you never motherfucker know. So you have to make sure you know a person

before you even solidify anything. You have to make sure that or at least that you know the basis, because let's just be honest here, nobody is gonna ever know everything about their partner before they decide to make it official. It's mary folks still getting to know each other right now, still learning each other right now, said this day. It's people who have been in relationships for years who still don't know each and everything about each other, who still

are learning each other, you know. So you have to remain cognizant of that as well. But you were supposed to give me some more meat to that damn story. Girl. You definitely was. You're actually out of that based on the tents of your statements, So I don't need to give you any advice. But you did ask me what I thought. Like I said, I really think that he doesn't have a home, you know, giving all the factors of everything that you described, I don't think that he

had anywhere to stay. I think he may have been staying with somebody or whatever like that. Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Okay. The next one is from a guy. I love when my guys right me. Because everybody thinks I'm just all for the women. No, I'm for the people, baby. Okay. So this one is from a guy. Why every time I get into my girl's car. The passenger seat is

not how I left it. It's linked all the way back. And you already know what the funk that's given. Okay, Okay, So he didn't pose a question at the end. He's just letting me know that he don't like that ship every time. So have you taken this to her? Now? This man did. I can say his name, but I'm not going to Oh my god, I want to call you boy. Your name so bad. Listen, have you talked to her about it? You need to go to her. Go to her? Okay, and listen. Do you have your

own car? Because why are you always riding with her? Basically? No? And listen, listen, No, I'm not down to you. If you don't have a car, that's fine. If you don't have a car. And if you don't have a car and she does and she is your only means of transportation, is that the reason why you haven't bought this up to her? If you haven't because you feel like, all right, this is her car. You know I ain't I ain't driving right now, but every time I get in this

motherfucking car, this ship linked all the way back. I'm guessing further than when you lean it back. That's what I'm guessing, because you said it's never how you left it, okay, So that means one, you're always in her passenger seats, so that means you're never driving. And then too, you pay attention, motherfucker. That's that's what that means. You pay attention. I do get it. You have to talk to her. You have to talk to her. Some girls leaning all the way back. She might have a home girl, or

she might have a guy in the car. It may not be somebody that she's sucking with it. Maybe I don't know. It could be a homeboy, a cousin, Like do you notice a guy best friend that she has? Like you, you have to sit down and talk. Things are so childish to me. These are childish. And the reason why I'm deeming it as childish, guys, because these are just one two questions that you can talk to your mate about. And if you ain't scared, you know what I mean, you can go and talk to your

girlfriend about that. You're supposed to be able to call your bitch and be like or go in the house and be like, yo's come here, come here, come go go in and get her asked up if she sleep or go get her out the kitchen, if she's cooking, take her, pull her away from the TV. Listen, come here, let me let me show you this real quick. Take her ass outside by her hand, lead her around the car, Open up that goddamn door. Show her, Yo, this ain't

how I left it. What's this like? You know? Talk to her, ask her, and I guarantee you you either gonna get the truth or you ain't. But whatever her responses, you're gonna know what happened. Whatever the fucking response is, You're gonna be able to get the truth. You will know something right or you was just overreacting, you said every time you get in there. So either she is frequently cheating or she not, it gotta be the same person. If the ship always linked back, it gotta be the

same person. And if she is cheating, that means this bitch love niggas that don't drive. That's what I'm just gonna keep it, Keep it simple for you, baby. She just she loved the fact that y'all depend on her. She loved the fact that y'all need her. A lot of women love to be needed. They love to be a necessity to a man. You get what I'm saying.

They love for a man to depend on them. I need for you to get your own car, and if you in her house, get the funk up out of there too, because if there is another man in her car every time you get out, it is another man in her house every time you leave out. So I need for you to understand that, brother, and we're gonna move on. We got another man, yes, lord, I love it. Yo. My baby mother has been receiving child support. But my baby is well taken care of by me and her.

We both work and have jobs. So why the funk and my own child support? Right? She uses the money to buy nice things for herself. What the fuck? You'll say, what the fuck? I get it and makes you upset and listen. On a more serious note, these women they do that ship. There there are mothers out here like that. There are men out here, these fathers who are taking care of their children and they are still on child support. Ship.

I know men that keep their kids, primarily single fathers who are on fucking child support literally, like my father was just one of them. My father was just on child support for his daughter and his daughter lives with him. My little sister was living with him and still was on child support. You feel me like, it's just hard. Once you go on, it's hard as ship to get

you off. That's why I always tell ladies, listen, if you don't need to put him on child support, if you absolutely don't need to and you're not doing it out of spite and you really really fucking need child support, don't put them on there unless you really need it, because it's hard as fun to get a man off, and that's not the way you hit below the belt.

If a guy is really taking care of his child and you don't need the state for those extra benefits and you don't need to go through the courts to get him to take care of your child, don't do it. All other personal ship don't have nothing to do with the baby. Seriously, And I know this sounds like cliche, but this is real life ship that women go through and men go through. My son's dad, rome little baby father,

he on child support. Two of his kids moms have him on child support because them bitches was mad at him, not because he don't take care of his kids. He still take care of his kids. What y'all don't understand is when y'all do that ship out of feelings and all that type of ship, and y'all get back cool with the nigga, then y'all feel bad. Then y'all try to take him off, but the state don't work like that. Now. They're not just gonna oh he he good this week?

Are we gonna take them off and ship? Now? It's so many loopholes and so many hurdles and obstacles you have to jump through and go through and conquer to get a man off of child support. It's not that fucking easy. And then also when you put a man on child support who's taking care of his child, you're actually taking away from with the child could potentially have if they weren't on child support. Because even with my son's dad, he's on child support for one of his kids.

He was doing so much more for her before he was put on child support. So it's like, damn, you didn't sunk that up because you're mad because the nigga ain't with you, but he's still taking kid of his baby, and you had the baby so he would stay with you. But you've got to understand also that these men are not staying for these babies. A baby cannot keep a man, and that is very selfish to a child, very selfish. So I'm sorry, brother, I'm so, so sorry, but you

need to take that ship to the courts. Okay. You need to be able to provide proof that your daughter or your son or I don't know if it's children are well taken care of. You know, you need to see counsel and you know, try to get custody or joint custody or something like that that will help you out in that situation, because I know how that looks

and I know how that feels. There's been many a times that my son's dad has cried over that ship, like, yo, I'm literally going broke trying to take care of my kids and page you'll support, Why the fund do I have to do both when I'm already taking care of them? You know? So I definitely do understand your frustration, and I'm sorry about that, brother, because a lot of times

these women ain't shipped, These mothers ain't shet y'all. Lord, Now we got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen Okay, moving on, I broke up with my nigga. Oh my god, stop saying nigga, this is this is a young girl right here. I broke up with my nigga. And the crazy thing is I started falling for his best friend. His best friend is the one that I wanted from the jump, but he was in a relationship already.

I broke up with my boyfriend around the same time he broke up with his girlfriend. Would that be bad if we started to link? Bitch, let me tell you something the way you just asked me that motherfucking question. You already linking with this nigga. Don't don't sit here. Don't sit here and try to Yeah, I'm talking to you because I know you're listening, all right. Don't sit here and try to act like you ain't already make up in your mind that she was gonna funk with

that nigga before you broke up with his friend. Don't do that. Okay. You know I ain't for this ship. I ain't for it. You know. I support a lot of funk ships. Sometimes I support a lot of ratch city. You know, I support a lot of ghet on this. I do a lot of messy ship, but not this that as nasty as fun, and they're not just friends. They ain't just homeboys, but they're not co workers. Okay, they're they're best friends. You just said to me you had your eye on the best friend before you even

pursued his homeboy. It must have been a reason why he wasn't able to date this nigga. He was in a relationship, right, so you played house with his homeboy and monitored his relationship the whole time because y'all just out of nowhere coincidentally broke up at the same time, broke up with your boyfriend and girlfriend at the same damn time, And you ask in me, would it be wrong for y'all to link you? Motherfucking right, is wrong

that you're sucking that nigga? Yep, I ain't even gonna answer it, like you didn't already go see him, stop playing, And honestly, I'm gonna take it a step further. You might have been sucking around with the best friend while you was with your boyfriend, and the poor boyfriend don't know, and the poor girlfriend don't know. I hope they all listening, because that's nasty. And her name is Stasia. I'm gonna put you out there, bitch. Anastasia is her name, Anastasia

right to seven? All right, I ain't gonna put out the whole Instagram. And I just got mad at that because that's some nasty as ship. Girl. You already knew I wasn't going to agree with that ship. I'm moving on from that. That's that's disgusted. Okay, moving on. Okay, I like this one. Hey, Jess. I am a wealthy author. Okay. I have four books out and I'm on my fifth one. I am currently engaged and about to get married. I presented the idea of a prenup to my fiancee and

he refused to sign it. Am I wrong for that? Well, let me ask you a question, and you're gonna eventually write me back. Is that a dealbreaker for you that he won't sign it? I need some more information, I need some more meat. I need to know how long you've been together. Were you struggling with him before? Like, what was he with you when you didn't have anything? If you if you've ever had nothing, you know what I mean? Maybe you have never been in that predicament

of not not trying to put that on you. I'm just saying, was he there? You know what I mean? Prenups are always scary for people because there has been a stigma put on them. A prenup is an agreement that you signed prior to marriage that states you leave this marriage like you came in. You leave this marriage with whatever you brought to this marriage. That's what a

prenup is put in place for. Okay, Now, without the prenup, if you guys get a divorce, she would then have to give up half of everything that she worked hard for, or even if he didn't have anything to do with it, half of it would go to him, you know, and then depends on any other things that their lawyers work out or whatever. But is it a deal breaker for you? I can't even really speak on it until I know,

you know, because I'm gonna give you this. Charlemagne and God just sat down and did an interview, right, and I love him by the way, he and his wife they don't have a print up. And he explained the reason why she's always been down for me. She was my rider die when I was in between jobs. That woman was taking me to work, helping me fill out applications. She was paying all the bills. There were times where I didn't know I didn't have a damn job, and

she was still grinding. She was helping me and and taking care of everything, you know, and our kids and just all of that ship. I could never present her with the fucking prenup, is what he's saying. I would never. That's my best friend, that's my you know, she deserves half of that ship if we ever get a divorce. But we ain't getting no fucking divorce, is what he said. You have to be sure when you walk in down that out that you don't even expect to be divorced.

A lot of people get married with the notion that they're not gonna be together forever, or maybe we won't make it to the end. These days, it's just like people date with options open, keeping options open because they're so scared that the ship won't work. You can't date like that, you can't marry someone like that. You can't be in a marriage unsure. I gotta be able to know if I'm walking around with a ring on and I got a husband, I ain't think about no motherfucking divorce.

I ain't think about none of that ship, even if we're going through some ship. I ain't thinking about canceling my contract on this, nigga, because that's exactly what a marriage is, a contract before God whoever. You want to look at it like that or not. Ship, we're not breaching no motherfucking contract. We ain't doing it. I mean, we're not breaking no fucking contract. Even if you breach

the contract with infidelity, with flies whatever. All right, we're gonna sit down, we're gonna think about we're gonna, you know, it's other routes to take real quick separation, and we're gonna figure out if if if I'm better over here and you better over there, and then we can talk about divorce. But that ship shouldn't even be on your mind when you're getting married, well before you even walk down the aisle, you know what I mean, they're in

the engagement phase. Is that a deal breaker for you? Woman? By the way, I just want to take a moment to congratulate you on your fifth book. I congratulate your wealth, I congratulate even your engagement. I'm so happy you're a woman. You're doing your thing. Let me know about your book. You didn't even say you're you know, maybe you didn't want nobody to know who you who you were. I get it, definitely, that's probably why. But I will support

your books because I read sometimes. You know, it's just sometimes, but I'll be reading or whatever. And I got a lot of people that will read to me, you know, if I don't want to read. So yeah, but I definitely do understand how you feel, baby girl. It's just a conversation. It's a conversation and it shouldn't be a hard one even if it is. Are you willing to even set there for it? Are you willing to do

the work? You're not even married to this man yet, but there is a reason why you're engaged, So don't forget that. And just like that, we come to the end of yet another Carefully Reckless episode. Just Fix My s is the new segment that I got going on right now, the new and improved segment that I got going on right now. Make sure you write to the Carefully Reckless page followed by Jessillaris Underscore Official. You can go right to my followers. I'm only following seven people

found the page there. Submit your inquiries, submit your questions, submit anything that you need advice on, and any other topics that you want to hear me touch on. I love you guys. Tune in every week. Next week hump Day, Carefully Reckless, and then my deepest pan Voys. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.