Jealous Spirit

Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.

And just like that, we're back on the air.

Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode which your girl jeffs hilarious. I am here fix the mess. That's what I do, That's what I always be doing. And I promise y'all, I'm gonna have an intro. Trust me, Trust me, y'all. Y'all might have put it on. It might be on here already.

I don't know.

They ain't updateing me yet. But I've been fighting for this intro, y'all. We've been just a fighting, and they said that they was gonna have us one.

So I think we won.

So until we hear, until we hear the jest fix my Mess. So until we hear the just fix my Mess intro, we gotta keep spam in the comments and shit. I told y'all, spam Charlamagne comments, spam the Black Effect comments, Spam I Heart even Breakfast Club. I don't give a damn envy. Everybody's including I don't care. Everybody's included. All right, We're gonna jump right into it. I got a voice, No y'all know, I get excited for voice notes because I hate we y'all write them long run on sentence

Shit.

I'll be fighting. I'll be fighting, y'all, but jumping right in.

Hey, jes So, first off, I just want to start with thanking you for even replying back to me and letting me know how to submit my voice memo or voice question or whatever you call it. Absolutely, I really appreciate that because I do have a mess that I need you to fix. And then I also now that I see that you do respond directly back.

Once again, much appreciated.

I will have a second issue that I would like your guidance on, but it's not necessarily a mess.

Well, bring it on, girl.

I'm trying to.

Get into the arena that you're in as far as fixing people issues and just talking to people and hearing people. Weut because I'm working on my psychology degree, so this is.

Something that only helped me.

Nice. Nice, just get ready for these next eight or nine little voice notes, because this one is about the end, and I will tell you my mess on the next one.

Oh she's so cute.

Listen.

Real quick backstory, y'all. She had hit me up and asked me before how can I send it? Because it keeps stopping at a minute, And I know that I heard somebody sending one longer than a minute before. But since it ain't gonna work on here, nah girl, people just be sending eight, nine, ten to eleven them. I dodnet check twenty of them before somebody, and that was one story. Somebody sent me twenty voice notes in a DM because they only go up to a minute.

So here we go.

So to get into what my actual issue or mess is about, let me give you a little background. So my husband and I we have been together for going on eleven years, but have been married for two. We

Now she from either Memphis or Saint Louis tom on, no issues there because money bag Yo said like that and Nellie said like that. But they from two different places, So which one are you from? Boo, I'm sorry, let me go ahead and finish your story.

Well for that and his action, So for the most part, you know, relationship is cool, not no issues. So we of course have mutual friends. Mutual you know, other married couples or couples that have been together for a while that we you know, kick it with, go out with, do house parties with the space party, you know, things like that dinner, you know, be there for each other's kids, events, less stuff like that.

All cool, all cool, and most of those are.

Actually his friends from childhood that I've just happened to gotten really close with their women, you know what I'm saying, because we all dealing with guys who've been dealing with each other, so we can kind of relate, yeah, in that aspect and kind of you know, Kiki and haha about how goofy.

They are absolutely real nice lotok group, real nice look group, nothing wrong with it at all.

We both also have, of course, our own separate friend groups.

Because we're approaching.

Forty, you know what I'm saying, So we've had lives before each so of course we have our own separate friend groups. And there was a time in the first like maybe three to four years of our relationship, and this is even after we had our child.

Oh, let me mention that we have two kids.

Actually, my oldest show way, how the hell you forget that he's been.

There since he was two he's now twelve, and then our child that we have together is eight. So going back into it, about the first three to four years of the relationship, this guy had a standing date every Friday with his homies.

And I don't even want to say what.

Third nights were called, because just in case anybody's listening.

That they probably are, they would know exactly who I am.

I'm talking about because I've been told my voice is pretty unique absolute. But anyway, that that was something they had every single Friday.

I'm not a clingy person.

I actually prefer, you know, my autonomy and being to myself of the time. I consider myself a friendly introvert, you know what I'm saying. I can be with people and be social and all of that, but I'm a homebody for the most part. So him being out every Friday didn't bother me, not one bit.

I'm not one of those.

Girlfriends that's gonna call your phone and text you and see where you at when he's out.

He's out. When he come home usually come home drunk, and then.

We do what we do and have a good night after eat them been out with the guys.

So it was never an issue, is what I'm trying to say.

Never in goag and mind you, this was every single Friday for years now. Me and my girls. You know, we're all moms, you know what I'm saying.

We all have.

Kids, so that's where the majority of our time is spent is with our family and with our kids. But we do try at least once a month to get out and do something with just the ladies, you know, leave the men and kids at home, have some have.

A mommy day. You know what I'm saying.

You need that friend little brunch. And it's usually in the daytime, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, moms need that. You know, we're kind of all past the club and stage. I did that in my twenties and early thirties.

I'm over that.

And I also had a fake idea like the age of sixteen, So I'm over the club. So basically just letting you know the activities that we do our mommy approved Yeah, I'm saying, usually in the daytime, the most is gonna happen.

It's bottomless mimosas you know.

I know that out the way.

And so he and I came up with an agreement just to kind of, you know, let the other person know when we have things planned, just in case we were trying to plan something with one another. So, like I said, me and my girls, we plan our things. It's usually like once a month. It's planned out weeks in advance. I let him know weeks in advance. You know what the plans are he still moves kind of

Oh yeah, such and such as doing this and do I'm ready run over here and cool. I'll let you you know what I'm saying. Once again, I'm not a cleaner.

I don't mind, but it seems like, and let me say this, it's not even so much as me being out with my other friends outside of him. It seems like for some reason he takes that time that I'm away from him as me like not wanting to be I don't even know how to explain it.

It really is like he's jealous. Like he will.

Start an argument over something patty like literally, I've had my hand on the doorknob, ready to walk out the door, and he'll start wanting to argue about something like literally to where, And it's embarrassing because my girls, he's loud. And then even more so than that, like if I am planning something with somebody else that's like.

You might be from Houston.

I feel like I hear a little bit of heuston areas because you kind of sound like Erica Banks.

God damn all right, sorry, go ahead, Like when one.

Of our birthdays come up or something like.

That, he seems to take issue with it, and then we'll come power what I've done for him to what I'm doing with or for my friends and phrase it in a way that he feels like I'm giving them more attention, are doing more for them, which is never the case. And let me say, just he and I go out often. Sometimes he plans to date, sometimes I plan the date. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay. So

I said, you know, I didn't take up.

All wrong with right for anything.

So, and it's just that's just one example, and that has been a repetitive thing. Whenever I'm celebrating, That's what it is. Whenever I'm celebrating somebody else. He will then compare that to what I've done for him, and all of a sudden, what I've done for him is not enough, mind you.

I go big for his birthday.

We don't went to comedy shows, concerts out I'm through surprise parties. We don't have expensive dinners, you know what I'm saying. And his birthday is around a holiday, so it's always something major going on that we attend together or I plan something for us in the family. So he's never left out, he's never forgotten about or put on the back burner or.

Anything of that sort.

So and once again, he's always very much happy with what it is that I do for him, until.

It's time for me, something else.

For somebody else, And he is then starting to compare what I've done for him to what I'm doing for them and feels a certain type of way about it, And I don't understand that, Like, I don't know if he has some type of attachment issue that he hasn't delved into, or was there something going on on those every Friday days that he was doing that he wasn't supposed to be doing. So now he thinks that I'm out doing stuff when I'm at like, I literally do

Know where I'm at.

I mean, we cool and get along any other time outside of this, outside of me wanting to do something outside of him.

So like, how would you handle that?

You know what I'm saying, Because I'm not the type of woman you can tell me where you can't go here and you can't go there, I'm grown as hell, you know what I'm saying. He didn't meet till we was almost thirty. Like, I had a full life before you, and I'm still gonna live even while I'm with you.

So like, how would you handle that? You know what I'm saying.

I've suggested therapy, He said, oh, you always trying to stay colagize me. That's what he goes to because of course that's my field. So that is how I think about most things. And I feel like everybody needs some therapy. Everybody has some trauma that they trying to get.

Absolutely.

Also, I know in his past relationship before me, that was a issue. His ex was out doing lord knows whatever with whoever, and so maybe he's just a little jaded from that.

I don't know.

But in my case, I've not In my case, I've not done anything to warrant him come in to me the way he does whenever I want to do something outside of him. I've never cheated, There's never been any infidelity, not even an inkling of it.

That's never anything he's ever had to worry about.

Yeah, so I just really don't understand why he tries to hold me in. So you know what I'm saying, like, what's your problem with my friends?

Bruh?

Like why can't I go hang out with my friends? So that's basically it. I know I'm probably over my eight minutes, but I just wanted to give you as much background as possible, to give you an idea of where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling, and see what your thoughts are on this. How would you approach this type of situation? Like how can I get him to realize he need to just chill out?

Like what would you do?

Because I trust your judgment, you give really good advice. So yeah, curious to hear how you would handle us, Jess. I look forward to hearing. Thank you well.

First and foremost, thank you for being open with me, Love. I appreciate you for even letting me in on your business so I can try to fix your mess. First of all, not first of all, I don't want to say first of all because first of all, it's not like I'm about to get smart.

First thing, is he a middle child?

Like?

Is he middle child?

It just I mean, you gave me a lot of context, yes you did, but I want to know like his childhood to be honest with you, because yeah, past relationships, they yeah, of course they can have an effect on you know, effect on you for the rest of your life after them, depending on how you know.

Detrimental it was to you, to your mental.

Or you know, how severe it was, or even how great it was, and you'll never knowing that you'll never get that back again. So each relationship definitely takes a toll on whether it be for good or bad, on people, especially if they've been with a person long. All right, so you're two years Mary, I feel like I've heard a story like this before, and we see it every day, you know, spouse being kind of sort of jealous of

That's why I asked, see a middle child.

You know, most of the time middle children they are I don't want to say it, like kind of forgotten about, but they're kind of you know, they're the middle because the firstborn's automatic top priority, you know, until the second one comes, and then that's the baby until the third one comes, and then the third one gets you know, the third one gets all the by that time, gets the least amount of discipline. They're they're you're more lenient

But the middle child.

Is always the one that have like the complicated Well that's what it's known to be. Traditionally, middle children are the most complicated ones. They have the most complicated lives. They're forgotten about or they're put on the back burner for this, that and the other, blah blah blah blah whatever. That's why I ask to see a middle child. That definitely a lot of y'all maybe listening to this like that, what that don't make sense? No, that that will have

But listen, this is the thing. You're married.

You've been married with him for two years y'all been married for two years, I think you said, but y'all been together far longer. Y'all have a child together, y'all have a eight year old baby, well, an eight year old child. I still thinking a baby, because you know he's a kid. So I'm gonna say, you'll have a eight year old baby together. Is this out of nowhere? I mean, like just suddenly out of nowhere? You know,

Not cheating?

Because I heard you say loud and Claire, I've never cheated. I've never wanted to cheat. I'm not a cheater.

I don't do that.

He has, he's never cheated on you and and all that. Yeah, but did something happen? Cheating is not the only thing that can result in something like this and behavior like this. Have you did you ever have a friend who you told him about was cheating on her husband or And I know that y'all have close friend groups, like your girlfriends are basically married to his, his homeboys and shit like that, So y'all are a conjoined group, like y'all know each other, You're all comfortable with each other.

Y'all group, his boys grew up with him. You know your girls.

They all been around these people for a long time, these guys for a long time. So I'm just trying to figure out, was there ever a friend who wasn't in a good relationship that confided in you and you went home and confided in your husband, which happens all the time. That I mean, it has to be a reason that he gets so jealous of your social life outside of him. You know, Is he stressed out at

You know what I'm saying?

I'm not justifying the jealousy and how the I mean the arguments that he picks. I am definitely trying to give him benefit of the doubt and justifying why he's jealous, because that doesn't just happen. And then you're his wife, you know what I'm saying. No, y' all been together way too long for this to be a thing. You know, if it was a thing at the beginning, then that's

And it has to start at home.

If you can help heal your husband, or you know, help work together on that and use your major to do so what you learned in school. Because you seem like you're well devoted and committed to doing this. I think that your husband could be your first project. I mean, it's home, it's very personal. And then it also gives you an experience not to tell your clients when you have a boatload of them, because baby, I'm praying that you have like a client list as long as the Blacklist,

Y'all do things together.

Everything that you do for him is great until you do something for somebody else. There's an issue there. There's an issue there. You got to get to the bottom of it. You have to get to the bottom of it. I think that you have to sit down with him and you have to lay it all out.

Baby.

It's just me and you. It's just me and you right now. I'm not playing psychologists. I'm playing a wife who is trying to figure out what's going on with her husband. Because this is I think you should let him know the detriment that it's causing you the like I think you need to let him know.

I'm gonna say it again. Put the people in the back, let him know.

Communicate with your husband, telling him how you feel. You don't want to leave him, You're happy with him, but this does not make you happy. Everything outside of this makes you happy. Why can't we get on the same page with this? Why do I feel like there is some type of jealousy streak with my social life as it pertains to my marriage. I don't you know. I don't like how you make me feel when I'm about to go out. You make me feel bad for going out.

I don't do anything, you know, I think you need to.

I think you need to get inside of his head, you know what I'm saying, Like, really, really beat it in there. Talk talk to him, Talk to him, talk to him, you know, that's the first thing. Communication and then be honest. He needs to lay it all out on the table. But you need to figure out what's going on in your marriage, honey, because it is all hope is not lost. I mean, that's the only problem you all are having. And I know it bothers. You

You understand what I'm saying.

So you gave him a lot of praise, and I do love that. Although y'all are having issues just with that, you gave him a lot of praise. So I know you love him. I know you're not gonna leave, and you shouldn't. You know, you fight for this. This is definitely worth fighting for, like real shit, and with all the meat on the bone you told me, I don't

So I don't know. I like I said, well, I'm not gonna say I don't know. I do know. I know that you need to talk to him.

Y'all need to look into therapy individually and then do marriage counseling together together. You know, step outside of your psychology bag. You know what I'm saying. Maybe he don't want to be looked at as a client. You know what I'm saying, Maybe y'all should go to somebody together that could also help you and your major. You know, just just seek counsel yourself because it can help you. Nothing helps you out like experience. Nothing is better than