Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effects, And just like that, welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess.
Hilarious.
Listen, I'm gonna jump right into fixing some mess because I'm on my way to Puerto Rico, but I have to deliver this episode, y'all. And I'm also coming down off of a fucking cold, so that's why I sound like somebody's granddad. So let's get it popping, Jess. Hey girl, I know you have hello people to get to, but I need you to fix my mess. And I hope you read this one day. First of all, I love your podcast, and hey, don't talk about my grammar and
punctuation because I'm really typing this like you're a homegirl. Anyway, let's get to it. It's gonna be long. Let me start by saying, I'm twenty five years old and I've been dating my boyfriend, who's about to turn twenty eight next month, for about two and a half going on three years, but we've met in college. I was in
a relationship from twenty nineteen to twenty twenty one. Around twenty twenty, he started a YouTube channel, and I was very supportive of his channel until it started taking away time for him to spend with me. First of all, that was crazy at shitineteen twenty nineteen through twenty twenty one. Around twenty twenty, yes, you definitely typing this like my motherfucker homegirl because I can barely understand, but bear with me.
I was always transparent about him not spending as much time with me, but he never made an effort to change this, and I began to get on dating apps and eventually met someone and stepped out of my relationship.
What should I do? Well, you stepped out of here fucking relationship? What do you mean where you should do? You should step back in it? I mean did? Okay?
Now you left no meat on the bone from me. You told me this was going to be long, but it was in fact very short. All right, So let's gather all that we can. So you're twenty five and you've been with your boyfriend, who was about to be twenty nine for almost three years. Y'all met in college and in twenty nineteen, but you are in a relationship. This one is kind of confusing, but basically you said all that just to say, you cheated on him, you stepped out on him, and you don't.
Know what to do.
You feel guilty. I think you should go to him. You should talk to him, sit down and tell him why. A lot of times when people cheat, they do have reasons. Not all the time, but more than likely, there is a reason why somebody would step out of a relationship that they that's fixable, that's doable, that not. I'm not going to say that you can tolerate, because when you're tolerating somebody, you're literally settling, like all right, I'm tolerating you.
You're like, no, No, that's when you're fed up and you should y'all already grow apart. What I mean is is if it's still work on able, Like if you can still work on your relationship, then that's what you stay and do. I mean, you obviously love this person, You've obviously devoted some years, so I would definitely say there is still something there, So yes, it's worth a sit down. You go and talk to them and tell your partner exactly how you feel. We need to stop
being afraid to communicate in relationships. That's one thing that we as people struggle with anyway. Like communicating with each other, keeping it a buck, they say. I call it being honest, being straightforward without being disrespectful. Now, sometimes communication can go bad both ways, like you could either not be communicating enough or you can over communicate.
I think over communicating.
Is better because it's better to tell somebody to pull back from some of the shit they say than to try to pull some shit out of somebody.
And you never know.
Your man could have definitely saw the signs and figured out that you were messing around, you know what I'm saying. So I think you should sit down with your man and tell him listen. You don't spend enough time with me. I find this quite boring, and I find myself looking for attention outside of our relationship behind your back, of course, because I don't want to leave you, but I'm not happy here.
What can we do to fix this?
If you're not mature enough to have that conversation and he's not muture enough to listen, then you need to let that go because obviously communication is not y'all strong suit.
That's not a.
Strength in your relationship. So that's what I think you should do. I think you should sit down and talk to your man child, because I'd be beating somebody's ass up and down if I found out they were cheating.
Just come to me and tell me.
You know what I'm saying. Got to save you a slap in a punch, all right, all right, check back in with me. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Moving on.
Hey, Jess, I need you to fix my mess. I'm not sure if you do parental mess a girl, I do it all. But that's what I have to bring to the table. For background, I am eighteen. I live with my father and stepmother. I am Christian and very outspoken. That sounds like my cousin London. And I really am loved by a lot of people and try my best to be a good person. I have been in therapy my whole life, but recently I started with the therapist and told her about my parents and how they are
extremely toxic and abusive mentally and emotionally. I eventually got diagnosed with the react of attachment disorder. That's when you do not attach any parental figures because they were taken from you or abusive. Okay, okay, thank you for enlightening me.
On that.
So basically I didn't get modeled what a healthy relationship looks like. So all throughout my childhood I have been constantly ridiculed and made to feel like I'm an awful person, constantly being called selfish and considerate, lazy, and manipulating me to believe this about myself for years. Wow, well you stop there, babe, But I think I can figure this out. Since y'all are leaving me to pick up the pizza is this morning, now, let me just go hit on
and do it. Looking at your profile, you are such a breath of fresh air. Looks like you are the life of the party. People do love you. You are just so happy and bubbly, is what it looks like from what I can see.
So basically, you either.
Want me to tell you how you can I don't know reconcile with your parents, or how you go on in life without knowing how a healthy family is structured.
I'll just give you both, okay.
So obviously it's something they're deep rooted with your parents, which may have led to the abuse. Are you an only child? You didn't leave a lot of meat on the bone for me? Are you the baby? Are you the middle child. Are you the oldest child or are you an only child that actually could play a role as well?
Also, when did your parents have you? Did they have you early?
As hell, when they couldn't even beat parents themselves?
What happened? You know?
What do you think caused this trauma? You know what caused them to be this way? Not justifying it at all, but it's almost more often than not a reason why parents disconnect with their kids. You know what I'm saying, find out how their parents treated them. Is it one parent or is it both parents? You know because you spoke about the fact that you live with your father and your stepmother.
Where is mom?
You know, if you don't mind me asking, if you don't mind coming back to update me with more information. Where's mom? How are you guys' relationship? And what's going on with the step mom? Is your step mom a comforting, nurturing woman. Do you get what you need from her that you never got from your real mother? You know, your biological mother. I don't want to say real mother,
your biological mother. Hear you say, throughout your childhood you have been constantly ridiculed and made to feel like you're an awful person. What are some of the things you do? You said you were being called selfish and considerate, lazy, and you are manipulative. What are some of the actions
that led to people saying this about you? You know, because a lot of times, depending on how you were treated growing up, that's how you tend to treat others, because that's all you know, that's all you've been taught. So I wonder if you've become this kind of person or you've developed this personality about yourself based on how you were treated growing up, or based on who your biological parents are. Because a lot of shit is hereditary too.
Let's not play games, you know what I'm saying. Let's just say it for what it is. Sometimes you end up like your parents, even if you don't want that. Shit is just in your blood. You understand now, I don't want you to take offense to that, but I don't want to.
I don't like to coddle my people.
I don't like to coddle I really don't, because shit is real out here, you understand, And you're eighteen.
You're eighteen, and you've already been through some stuff.
I can honestly tell you know, but I don't want to treat you like, oh my god, I like like I pity you, or like you need my pity, or I, oh my god, I sympathize so much. No, no, I'm an impath and I feel you. I want you to tell me exactly. I want you to do some homework. You eighteen, I need you do some homework.
Baby.
Tell me what you do. Tell me the type of person you feel like you are. Tell me if you even feel like a good person. Don't tell me what somebody else thinks of you. Tell me what you think of yourself. You understand. Let me know exactly what you feel. You're strong, your your strengths are as opposed to your weaknesses, you know, and how you feel you developed them, and how it pertains to your life in terms of holding you back or pushing you forward or making you permanently
suspend your family. You know what I'm saying, Expel them, because you talk as if you don't you don't even want to see them. You just told me you have a whole disorder basically where you don't attach parental figures because they were taken from you or abusive. You know what I'm saying. I don't like that I don't like that you struggle with this react of attachment disorder, Like I don't like that, you know, so put some more meat.
On the bone.
I can't really give you advice because first of all, you didn't finish your sentence. I mean, you didn't finish You didn't ask me a question. You just told me, heyj s, I need you to fix my mess, and you explain what was going on. So I do want to get to the bottom of it. And you know, and because you're young, you're so young, and you have so much life to live, and you're so charismatic literally scrolling through your profile, you know, beautiful kid, you know.
So I want you to get back with me. Let me know what's going on, like below surface level. You know what I'm saying, Get deep rooted with me, you know, because if I'm a fiction mess, I'm gonna need all love it.
You understand, all right? Well, I love you.
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Last story. Hey Jass, I love you and you're my favorite comedian.
Oh thank you. Boot.
We've met a few times at your meet and greets in my state. Here's my mess. How do you handle being disrespected? Recently, I cooked dinner for my wife. We've been married a year and a half and I'm blessed to have her. After I cooked and sat down to scroll on social media, she wanted me to come closer to her on the other side of our couch. We have a sectional, so I got up and went to sit next to her. She wanted to be all on me, and I told her one sec I'm watching this video.
It was a discussion video. She felt that I was brushing her off, so she made a shocking comment. She said, I'll call someone who wants to be all up on me. Oh that hurt me and made me cry.
I bet it did. Shit.
We got into it and I went upstairs, but before I got up and set their quiet, I felt low.
And dumb and small. I understand.
I didn't want to fight with fire, so I didn't say anything smart back. I asked her why you would disrespect me like that? She followed and wanted to talk. Okay, so if she following, y'all are pissing me off this morning, because basically that's the advice right there. She follows you and she wanted to talk. Did you talk to her? How did you feel about it? I understand? Let me, let me, let me calm down. I understand. I'm not
going to shy you away or steer you away. I'm going to fix your mess because I think I.
Know what you want. I think I know how you feel.
Even after her sitting down talking to you, or you guys talking, or whether you did talk or not in hashing that out, even if she apologized fifty eleven times, why the fuck would you say that? What would make you want to say some shit like that? I am your husband, you know what I'm saying. So that has your mind wondering? Are you fucking with somebody? Do you already talk to somebody that be all up on you?
Like bitch? I just wanted to finish a video real quick.
I just cooked you dinner, damn like you need to say your grace and fucking eat like.
Like you feel me.
I cook dinner. Let me watch this video. Also, let me ask you something else. Is your ass always on the phone? I mean, I'm gonna ask you professionally first. Are you always on the phone? Do you always be on the damn phone? You know, because that's one thing. Even in my relationship, my boyfriend hates it. Sometimes I can't sleep straight through the night, so I'll wake up around like three or four or five, and I don't I'm not gonna get up and go in the gym.
I'm not gonna get up, and you know, not right now. I do work out, but some times you just want to lay there, you know, and I'll grab my phone and I'll be on the phone.
He hates it.
He hates it because he has this thing. He's like, let's talk to God first, let your feet touch the ground first, before you get online. It's so many things online. It's so many It's a cruel world in real life, but it's also even crueler online, you know. But we have a choice. We don't have a choice but to go out here in the world. We don't have a choice when it comes to going out in the world.
But we do have a.
Choice to control what goes in our minds, to control.
What we look at.
We do have a choice, you know, and internet is one of those choices that we have. And I choose to wake up, open my eyes and jump on my phone. And he can't stand that. So I compromise with that. I'm like, no, okay, nope, I won't So now I won't grab my phone, so maybe round nine ten o'clock. I mean, I have to work online as well, so he understands that. But that shouldn't be the last thing you do before you go to bed, and it shouldn't be the first thing you do when you wake up.
So I set all that to ask you is that an issue for her?
Do you? Is that something that you always do? You always be on the damn.
Phone, and she like, look, come on, like I just want to kiss you, damn show you some attention. Boom, Like, let me know, because you ain't leave a lot of meat on the bone either. I do understand that you were hurt, you know what I'm saying, and that made you cry. I definitely wouldn't have cried, and I'm gonna tell you that right now.
I'd have been like, well, who the fuck is it? You know what I'm saying.
And see a lot of times it depends on the person. It depends on the type of person that you're arguing with. Because I like to match energy, which is very toxic and not good all the time. So I'm not promoting that. I'm not saying, oh, we should do mash that energy, match that energy. No, because you could have easily said, well, should I have cast somebody who can be all up on me too, or I've cast somebody who give me my space?
Then boom.
It had been a whole will and fighting a mouffucker. So but you didn't say that. You cried and you got upset. So you're more emotional and that's fine. So that's maybe why she wanted to talk. I know she felt bad. Tell me what happened when you guys sat down and talked, you know, because I really can't give you advice moving forward until you let me know how
that conversation went. But I can just ask questions and request that you update me and you know, keep me posted, because this is a story I do want to see end well. I mean, you know, I want to fix it and see it. You know. See, you guys come out of this reconcile for sure. And sometimes as women, we can get so fed up and so upset and throw temperate tantrums and say things.
To deliberately hurt you.
Deliberately say things to hurt you, like intentionally, you know, what I mean. So if that's what she was doing, she should never do that shit again. Because you're supposed to love your husband. You're supposed to protect his feelings. You're supposed to you know what I'm saying. You're supposed to do that as you're supposed to do for your wife, you know, or you know, whether it's a wife and wife, husband, husband, whatever, You're supposed to respect and love and encourage your partner,
you know. And even when you guys are upset with each other, you have to love each other, you know what I mean. You still have to show that you love each other when you're upset, because that's the difference. That's the difference. That's how you can really still feel somebody loves you. Okay, So definitely definitely tell me how you know what happened with that and get back to me. Well, y'all, we've come to the end of another episode. John, I about to go catch my flight going out put.
Harico with at Mimian.
Yes, Mimi in thank you, saying Mimi in get back to y'all next week.
Oh and in my deepest fan voice.
Peace classic classic Can'tfully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and the black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Assass