I Can't Have His Baby

But you know, y'all know, I'm basically still saying I'd rather listen to y'all than to read y'all shit because y'all punctuation still be off. God damn. All right, but it's all right.

noticed a change in his attitude. It wasn't nonchalant, but it just feels like that he's just putting up with me. I don't know, maybe he is getting bored. It took me by surprise because we literally switched things up and tried to keep the relationship spontaneous. So I'm just confused

on the whole switch in character. I also tell you the story about me not being able to have kids because we did recently have a conversation about it and I did pour my heart out to him about not having kids are being able to give him one, and he did reassure me. But maybe this is the reason why he's been acting a different way. Maybe I did put the thought in his head that he will never have kids as long as he's married to me. I could be overthinking, but that's literally my only theory when

it comes to it. I don't believe he's a cheater or would do anything to hurt me, and we have great communication, so that's why I'm leaning towards this. Maybe he doesn't want to bring him back up, so I won't feel the way. Or maybe it could just be something else, girl, I don't.

he really wants kids? I mean, obviously you can't, but it still matters if he wants to. Has that ever been a conversation? Has he ever said, well, this is something that I want. I really really do want children, you know, because there are other ways that you guys can have kids, you know, other than vaginally. You know, there's adoption, there's so many other ways. You get what I'm saying, Like, is this a situation where you can't do in vitro? Do you not believe in that? Like

not to get I guess too personal? Because if you would have wanted me to know, you would have told me. So let's just scrap that. But have you guys ever considered adoption, you know? Or is that something that you just never entertained? Because if the child doesn't come biologically from you or him, then I could understand if that was an issue, you know what I mean? Like I do understand, But then there is things like surrocacy, like have you ever considered a surrogate somebody to carry a

baby for you? I know, these things get pricey. However, they are alternate routes that you can take if you really do want children. Now, as far as his behavior, him just switching, totally switching. Usually with situations like this you see red flags. You see not a sudden change of pattern, but you'll see a build up, you know what I'm saying. Because the fact that he just switched,

that could be something else. I mean, it could have something to do with you not being able to have children, but it also could be something else because that's a deeper situation, you not being able to have children. I know he has to think about that every day, especially if he wants to be a dad, If he desires to be a father, then yes, that's something that he would have to think about every day, and that's just not a switch that you flip. You get what I'm saying,

So please understand, I'm not accusing him of cheating. I'm not accusing him of just falling out of love with you. I'm not accusing him of any of those things. Only you know what I'm saying. However, we can't just throw away with the fact that it may be something like that because of the sudden mood change, because of the sudden pattern change and all of that. Do you guys not spend as much time together? Does he turned off?

Does he seem uninterested in you at times? Have you ever set him down and talked to him about it? Or are you just trying to make sure you're not crazy and tell another person in your situation before you do actually approach it or approach him. Let me know, and you let me know a lot, but it's still a lot more I would like to know. Also, you've got to understand when you don't communicate. You know, when we as women don't communicate, we kind of let things linger.

Could you have been ignoring signs before he just flipped the switch? Could you not have been paying attention this whole time? So whereas like you notice the end of his build up and now it's just a flip switch to you, like it seemed like it happened in the blink of an eye, Like could you take some type of accountability to say now only if it's yours to take. Don't take accountability for some shit that is not true. But I'm just saying, could you have overlooked how he

felt because he kept reassuring you? You know what I'm saying, because listen, I just got finished talking about this on the last yest with the mess actually not on the last just fix my mesk, the one that I do on breakfast Club. A lot of people cannot tell the truth because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. You know, they're sparing someone's feelings, so you oftentimes tiptoe around what you have to say or how you're really feeling because

you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. That's what he could have been doing to you, and that's what you could have been doing to him, you know, because what if he was never okay with you not having children? Oh what if he was okay in the earlier years of y'all's marriage, but then he developed such a desire to become a father and want more family, you know than just you want a family, you know, like, what if that was the thing for him? What if that's

what he really wanted? You know, So you have to sit down and talk to him. That's your husband, that's not your boyfriend. It's not just a little jump off. This ain't one of the niggas on your roster. You understand what I'm saying. You don't got to hide how you feel at all. I've been together ten years, you know. I'm pretty sure y'all have experienced rough patches in marriages.

I mean, no marriage is perfect at all, you know, So I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be the first uncomfortable conversation that you guys have had to have, especially the elephant in the room. You're unable to have children. I imagine how hard it was for you to tell him that, and how hard it is if he wants to be a dad to reassure you that it's okay. You get what I'm saying. So I think you should sit down with your husband and talk to him and fully get

through with him. And I always encourage people don't get up from their damn table until you have answers that you need. If that other person got to get up, so be it. But that's what we do. We try so hard to tiptoe and to coddle other adults, whether we're in love with them or not, you know, just to save and spare their feelings. No, this is the uncomfortable part of this marriage. It has to go here so I can get what you're feeling. If I got to make you feel uncomfortable to tell me the truth,

I'm gonna do that. So let me you know what is it? Is there? Is it another woman? Is it the fact that I really can't have kids but you don't want to leave me for it because you're in love with me but you still want children? Is it? You know? Is it that I'm boring you? Is it that our sex life has now lost spice? Like? Is it? Because it could be something else? I'm not just gonna jump straight to cheating, you know? Is my communication off? Do you feel like I don't pay you enough attention? Like?

What is it? I've noticed a pattern, like a change in your pattern? You don't hold me the same. You don't look at me the same. We don't talk anymore, we don't go on trips anymore. And this it seems sudden to me. But if this is something that you've been feeling, why haven't you come to me? And right now, more importantly, is the right time to come to me? Because I notice it and it's making me feel like it's my fault. Let me know what's going on. You know I'm in the dark about this, and then you

should get an answer, honey, But let me know. Check back in answer my question and see y'all be trying to help y'all, But y'all be trying to leave little juicy off the fruit. I don't know why I just said that, y'all be trying to leave meat off the bone. I'm just say that. I say, y'all be trying to leave juicy off the fruit. What giry say anything when you're pregnant. I'mna blame everything on this baby. I don't care. I'm gonna blame everything on the baby. I'm tired of

the hell nose bleeding. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Jesus So to all the other pregnant mothers out there. Please let me know if y'all experience dry nose and bloody nose, Like, what the hell? I wake up in the middle of the night, blow my nose. It's all blood like. I wake up in the morning to clear out my you know, just to clear my system out, and it's it's it ain't even muchis and s not, it's blood Like, what the hell is going on?

I've never had this issue. I mean, I have here and there, but it's so frequent now it's not every day, but it's very much more frequent than it's ever been. And it's very weird. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back, all right, John, Okay, so move it on.

thought in the back of my head. Now recently, I went over her house to spend the day with her, and we sat down and was just having a conversation. She dozed off in the middle and snapped back and forgot everything we talked about.

She tells me she don't give a fuck, and I don't have to be around her, and she's not using. I know how hostile you can be when you're under the influence, so I'm not going to hold that against her, but I know I just can't be around that. And also I know that she's still grieving. I tried reaching out to her for a week straight and she did nothing but ignore me, and I'm very worried. I even just texted her to see my godson and no reply,

which makes me even more worried. I love my best friend to death, but I don't want her to go down this hole. And I refuse to go down that hole with her because being around her could possibly make me relapse. But she's my best friend, so I'm kind of in a hard situation. How can I be there for her and not relapse at the same time, because it's very triggering to be around her in that state

and Jess. I know you may not have a straightforward answer because this is a lot, and I'm sorry for even putting all this out there because the story is crazy, but I would love some advice.

understand what you're going through. You know. I watched aunts and uncles and cousins go through that, and some be pulled back into it after getting off the horse, and then some you know, not wanting to be around the others, you know, who've been pulled back in after both of them got clean, and shit, I do understand, and I just want to say congratulations on your engagement. You know. I love that. Love love love that you had a

complete three sixty. And also I love the fact that you were able to form a bond with somebody who was going through something so similar, you know, because then you guys can relate on that journey. You know, however, everybody is not going to be as strong as everybody else. You get what I'm saying, like everybody handles things differently. She lost her mom, You know, she was on the right path until she had another lost. I imagined that her and her mom were closed or her mom was

somebody that helped her, probably out with her son. Now you're off to a you know, a whole nother turning point in your life. You know you've pivoted in such a way or you don't want to go back. However it is triggering for you. Then what you need to do is have your husband or your fiance be that shield for you. That's your best friend and that's the mother of your god baby. I wouldn't say give up on her, and I know you don't want to put

yourself at risk into falling back into that hole. I do understand that, However, you don't want your best friend to go back so deep into that hole. Right And while it's still early, it's so early, I still feel that there's a way that you can catch her. You know, you can pull it back about that shit. You understand what I'm saying. There was a reason that you too connected.

There was a reason that you two actually became best friends, or whether it was trauma bonding, you know, from the drugs behind the drugs, or whatever it was, there was a reason that you two met. You get what I'm saying. And right now you're about to walk down the aisle. I do understand. I'm not asking you to take on burdens of other people. That's not what I'm asking you to do. I'm asking you to also bringing a professional,

but you're the more familiar face. And yeah, of course she lashed out on you because in a way, she feels like you're looking down on her. But this is all why she's high. You understand what I'm saying. And then you know, even when she's sober, it's that guilt eating her up. But she's fucking grieving as well. And she's not grieving the loss of another friend. She's not grieving the loss of a you know, a parrot or you know her a parrot as a bird everybody like

a bear or what. You know, She's not grieving just the loss of some person. What this is? How mom? You know? And I don't know if you know that pain. I don't even know that pain. But I know a lot of people that has that pain, and I understand. I understand. I cannot put myself in their shoes because I don't feel what they feel, but I can understand what it's like losing a person that birthed you, especially if y'all relationship wasn't on the ouse and it ain't

have to be the best. But you only get one of them. You only get one freaking mom. The whole reason that I exist, other than God himself, is gone my mother. You understand what I'm saying. Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. You don't want to fall back into that shit. I get it. You talk to your husband, I mean, you talk to your son to be husband. You talk

to other people. Did you have any other people in your foundation, like any other people that inspired you, that helped you along the way to stay clean, like something else, somebody else. It's going to take a couple of people. But y'all got to get her out of that. Well. I don't want to say y'all got to get her out of that, because then I'm actually putting a lot of pressure on you. But that's your friend, you know what I'm saying, that's the mother of you, god child.

I don't care if it is. You take your god baby, you get what I'm saying, and send a professional in to help her. And then I also can already feel that you feel a sense of obligation as well, because y'all, y'all went through y'all journey together kind disorder, you know. I mean, you met her in there, you met her and rehab, you know, so I just want you to have just a little bit more, you know, give her a lot, give her a little bit more grace, you know,

try to help her. You know, if you can't do it, because you can't do it alone, if you can't do it even with support, then I understand. You know, at least you tried. But if that were you, you get what I'm saying, and the table's returned, you will want her to pull you up out of that shit. You know. You know that behavior all too well. You know, she don't mean nothing that she say that's out of pocket or that's mean she just grieving, And then on top of that, she used and is she guilty? You know?

What I'm saying, So just try, just just try, just try. But in order for you not to slip, you got to have your support system too when you go help her. If your husband, I mean, you know, I keep saying husband, I'm just so happy that you get married. If your fiance has to be with you when you go and a couple other people go, go back to your rehab, snitch on her. Look, look she's backing. You know, her mom just died, she's grieving. Who can go with me to her house? Yo? Come on, man, we gotta get

her right. I can help take the baby, or we can give the baby to like you know, another close family member that she got somebody something. But I need to get my best friend together. That's your best friend, you know what I'm saying. For a reason, thank you for writing me. I'm happy that you did reach out. This is something that I do know all too well, because, like I said, close friends and family on both sides of my family. You know, I have gone through this.

And then I grew up in West Baltimore City, you know, so I've seen this from a child, you know what I'm saying, As a child, from a growing child, I've seen shit like this. You know, a lot of my friends did make it. A lot of them did, A lot of them went back to that shit, a lot of them did not, a lot of them stayed friends with each other, A lot of them didn't. Because people do change, people do evolve, and some people don't, you get what I'm saying. So like, if you can make

a difference, definitely make one. You will not regret it, you know, But don't, like you said, don't put yourself in a line of fire. And you're strong enough to know that, and that's why I'm really proud of you for that. A lot of you know, ex addicts, they're not even strong enough to realize when they can be triggered. You get what I'm saying, because a lot of them haven't reached that point yet. But check back in with me, baby girl. I want to say I do love you.

I even love your friend. You know what I'm saying. I ain't got to know y'all to love y'all. I'm a stranger from the outside looking in, but I do care about both of you women, and of course that baby you know, So just write me back, let me know, keep me posted, and just like that, We've come to yet another ending to carefully reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing, ask y'all.

That's what I'll be trying to do. Y'all, be trying to do it even with this full on belly, this baby growing up in here. Listen, y'all. I said I wanted to have a gender revealed, but I don't know, Like I don't know. I'm just I'm getting the closer I'm getting to, like my getting into my pregnancy, like the deeper I'm getting into my pregnancy. I'm like, look, listen, that gender reveal shit is just something that has developed over social media. That's for the Internet, and I don't

give a fuck. I want to know. Like, of course Chris want to know. That's my boyfriend Slash Babies, and yeah, he wanted to know, but he's down with whatever I'm down with, And like my friends and my family gonna be so upset, but we got the look I'm probably gonna go see right now, like yo, because we didn't have the email for two weeks. But it's just like, nigga, I want to know what the fuck I'm having. I want to know what I'm having, and I gotta tell

I just I can't. Like, I mean, I probably won't tell the world. I don't know, but I need to know. I just want to know. I've been manifesting a girl. I feel like a girl been baking up in here. And yeah, because listen when I say I don't get fucked by none, I don't get fucked by none. That's

real shit. You know. When I was pregnant with ash what I do remember, I don't remember a lot of things, like every little thing when I was pregnant with Ashen, But I do remember being emotional and actually caring about every little thing, and like I was trying to like I don't know, like I just cared a little bit too much about everything, and that like caused me to stress out, like nah, like but I don't know if that's the difference in having a boy or a girl,

but nigga, I just remember that being so vulnerable and so emotional when I was nineteen and pregnant, like like anything, I could see two birds on the roof and just cry because I'm like, I don't know what nast did they come out of? Are they lost? Story? I'm talking about everything. I would watch TV and cry care too much about actors and I'm like, bitch, this is a scripted series. These are actors. What are you doing? Like stop?

And then I would get bent out of shape about little situations that I would be in and I'm like, how what is going on? So I just really really feel like this is a girl because Babe, you can't pay me to give two shits about shit going on today. I don't give a fun I'm talking about all these people coming at me, all these like anything from anything. You can't get me to give to shits about it. Like I am so fucking relaxed and chills and just happy and non give a fuck like I'm for real,

I make fun of everything. I don't care, like I don't care should That's where I'd be sitting there, like, oh you want to argue, You want to argue, baby, argue with your damn self. I'm gonna say, price it like two three jokes and get it the fuck moving, keep it moving. But I love you all, and make sure you tune in every Wednesday to my podcast. Also get your tickets. April twenty seventh, we got the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival and Atlanta Pullman Yards. Get

your tickets on the event. Bright Charlemagne, shout the shut out, every goddamn Dad. That will be me, Whilo and Gilly, Lexandrea. We got a couple other people in the lineup Yard. It'll be some annals. We got food trucks and vendors and all types of stuff. We got people with up and coming podcasts that will be there, So make sure you come and enjoy yourselves. I love you, guys, and in my deepest pan voice, Can't Fully Reckless is a

production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.