Fixing Mess Forever

love it. What you got to say. Me and my boyfriend, we've kind of been dealing with each other since I was sixteen, he was eighteen. He got a baby. We're dealing with each other for three years, had a baby, and then we fell out and didn't talk for a year, and now we've been back together for a year and then had another baby at all. When we got back together a year ago, he told me that he was done with the bullshit. He wanted to be with me and only and he loved me. He was in love

with me. He was gonna trying his hardest, trying his best to get me and keep me. So he got me, and I felt super secure at first, but lately, since this one situation happened, everything he does has me side eying him, and it's not comfortable because we lived together, we're raising the family together, and I feel like I don't even trust the man that I'm sleeping next to.

So I told you I had a baby. When the baby was around one or two months, his phone was in the in the kitchen and lit up, and I've seen that he had missed a call from D. So I'm like, who is D? Because I know everybody that he talks to, and I don't know who the D is. So I look at the call log and I've seen that they had been on the phone the night before for about an hour and the text messages were super dry. So I just asked him, I said, who is D?

Like who is this? And he's like, oh, it's just a girl that I used to work with because he used to have this job. He got fired after Christmas. So he said that the girl was a co worker and that you know, it was just talking on the phone, like they had never met up or done anything outside of work for real. So I believed him because, like I said, he made me feel secure and I trusted him, and YadA, YadA, YadA. Come to find out that was all a big, that juicy fucking a lie. When I

saw his phone, I was around two months ago. Fast forward to three weeks ago, I lost my debit card. I'm looking at my car and for my debit card, and I opened a little I called the sunglass hatch in the front. Opened the sunglass hatch and I see a piece of paper with a phone number and an address on it. So I'm like, whatse information is this because it wasn't my handwriting, it wasn't my piece of paper. So I put the phone number in cash act and the name comes up and it's the d girl. So

I'm like, why does he have her address? If they never did anything outside of work, why would you need her address? So I'm like, okay, I'm to hit her up because if I go to him, he's just gonna keep sucking lying. So I hit her up and I said, this is his girlfriend. You know what's going on with y'all?

So she was like, oh, yeah, he's real cool. That was my dog, but we don't We haven't talked in a while, and he used to come over and we were smoking talk so I'm like, come over and smoking talk because I told her, like he said that you were a coworkers sol, what's up? And she was like and um, we never worked together. So I'm like, well, where did you meet him? And she stopped responding, which is fine. So I'm pissed, right, I go up to his job. I get my car. He's like, what's wrong

with you? And I basically told him I'm not working with you right now, like you're what was wrong with me? You're my problem, you lie, you cheated, blah blah blah. I'm going off. So I go home. He gets home from work and we're talking about it and he's like, this is what happened. You made me feel this way. So this is what I did. I created the plenty of fishing can because you wouldn't talk to me, and I wanted somebody to talk to me and give me some attention. I'm like, how am I supposed to trust

that you want physically cheat on me? Would have one day I decided not to have sex with you for a month or two, You're gonna go out and cheat, Like that's what you're gonna do. Because if that's the case, if we were going out and getting things from other people who were lacking at each other. Then I would have been gone a long time ago, because you it's there plenty of things that's wrong with you, and I stuck with you and learned to love you how you

shouldn't want to be loved anyways. So that was one situation, and then ever since then, I'm just been a side eying him. Like today he left to go to the store and I hear somebody yell out hey, and they said his name was just saying his name is Joe, Hey, Joe. I hear somebody y'all hey Joe from my bedroom window, and I didn't know you were back. So I went out on the balcony and I Loki was looking for his mom because she said she was on the way, so I thought that was her. So I go out

on the patio to look and and nobody's there. But he's getting out his brother's car, so I'm like, okay. So he get in the house and I'm like, oh, who's that that saying hey to you? And he gasped at me. He was like, I don't know what you're talking about. You sound crazy, You're tripping, and nobody saying my name. There was a girl here for door dash and I held the door open for her and she said thank you. I'm like, I definitely heard somebody saying hey Joe, but okay, and he's just like, na, no,

you're tripping. I'm like, oh, you didn't see me walk out on the balcony. He's like, nah, I didn't even see you. So that his brother comes over and he's like you he told me about you was mad because he thought I was mad at him, like, oh, you got holes walking around the neighborhood and saying hey, because we just moved here last Wednesday. We've been here. I don't even know what it is, but we just got here. So no, I don't think you got holes all around

the neighborhood. That's not what I was thinking. My problem is you gaspling me, trying to make me feel like I'm crazy, that I'm hearing ship when that's not the case. I heard what the funk I heard. You didn't hear it, so all you had to say was I didn't hear that and left it at that. But you wanted to make me feel like I'm crazy, So he told his brother that I was mad, So his brother is like, yeah, he told more you were mad, Um, I saw you

come out on the balcony. So I'm like, oh, so, y'all did see me come out on the balcony because he said he didn't see me. He's like, oh, yeah, we've definitely see you because I said, look at day shure. So I'm like like, just I don't know what to do because I want to be with him, and like, I don't see us ending. But it's like, um started to get the fucking vibes that I did when I was a teenager dealing with this nigga like and all his bullshit, and I don't like it. It's not comfortable.

I don't want to walk around with the attitude because you're pissing me off, Like I don't like that ship. And then we just moved to his hometown, so it's like he knows everybody here and I don't know nobody. I don't talk to my family, I don't talk to my moms. I talked to you with my brother, and I have one friend that lives in Georgia and my brother lives in Charlotte and I'm in Michigan. So it's like I don't have nobody. All I have is him, and he's letting me down big time, like he is

letting me down right now. And I don't think he understands that because everything he does needs a justification. He can never just admit I was wrong for that and leave it at that. It has to be justified. So I don't know what to do, Like do I break up with him? Just say fuck it? Because I can't keep living like this. I don't know what to do. Tell me what? Okay? So I definitely understand, baby girl.

I want you to calm down because I know, even with you telling me that you were getting worked up, you're very frustrated. You are. I'm not gonna say walk away. I'm still not. I'm still not. Y'all have been together for a while, since y'all were teenagers. Y'all been on and off. I'll say more so on then off. So that's why I'm not telling you just to walk away

and just to give up. It's just that you two have known each other and have dealt with each other for so long that I'm not gonna say you guys are growing apart. But sometimes people can mistake growing pains for growing apart. It just seems like that you two

may need some time away from each other. Now these days, you can't say that to somebody, you know, a younger couple, they'll automatically think that someone is going to be with someone else when they say, oh, we need to take a break, or you know, the person who initiates the brick has to just be going to funk with somebody else. No, that's still true. That's very valid. Self peace, self joy, self love. Those are three things that are necessary in

a relationship because you're still your own individual person. No, you should not be having to walk around with an attitude. But let's figure out what he's going through to you know, I know, I understand. You move to another city for him, another city and state you don't have nobody, so that also plays a part in your frustration as well, on top of dealing with this bumpy road that y'all are on right now. Then you'll have kids together too, so that can also play a part. You have to figure

out what's going on with him. Where's his head at? He has friends, he has family, he has a foundation there. Okay, but that doesn't mean he's happy either. That doesn't mean it's not something going on with him mentally? Where is he mentally? Where is he? You have to figure it out. That's just the conversation. But if he's going to sit there and act like you crazy and try to flip everything on you, then that's when you fall all the way the funk back. Even with having children, that's when

you fall all the way the funk back. I don't know what your financial status is. I don't know if you have a job or you know whatever, if you are financially stable enough to go get your own place, just to create space between you two to see if this is really meant to be, just to see it's nothing wrong with that. You can't lose anything that you wouldn't have already lost anyway, You understand what I'm saying.

You can't lose anything by taking a step back from this relationship if you weren't already supposed to lose it. Maybe it's not supposed to be there, Maybe you're not supposed to be there, And I get it. Sometimes you just don't know what to do. I understand. But that's why there has to be solid communication between you and him, and he cannot play these games. He can't. It has to be a reason why. But he can't play these games.

If you feel like a man is cheating on you, if you're not an insecure person, most of the time, you're fucking right. Even if you are an insecure person, something had to make you that way. But most of the time, well, a lot of times women get in our heads. We get in our heads and we'll create scenarios that aren't even remotely close to being true just because we haven't caught a person cheating, just because things saying fishy. But I've been wrong many of times. I've

been right many of times. And I'm not saying whether you're wrong or right, I'm saying, most of the time, when you feel a person is cheating on you, they are. You've started to give your everything, You even utrooted your life and move to a total different state to be with this man. You don't have friends, you don't have family. That can also be a thing that he's taking advantage of as well, because totally picked up and moved to where he is so he can feel like he's controlling

the situation. It's easy for a guy to feel that way. He knows you have no one there but him, and I guess your one friend. But he knows that it's for him solely that you moved, so he already has in his mind that he has controlled you to a certain extent. That's why he does things and say things like, oh, it's because of you. You were doing this, that's why I went to get her number. It was it was that's why you were lacking this. That's why I went here to get it. That's where And you made a

valid point. Well, if it was all about what we lack, I would have been left your ass. I stuck with you. You're lacking a lot even now. You've lacked in the past, and I still I still never stepped out on you. I gave you my all, I'm giving you my all, but it's it's draining me now. I'm tired of this ship. So y'all two need to sit down and talk. If you feel like you're not getting any thing, yes you

need to up and leave. Yes you do. And I trust that you can do that, and I trust that you will because of the type of woman I feel that you are. Just the way you speak, just the way you tell me your story, I can tell yeah, you have a backbone. You're just in love with a man, that's all. And we can same week for men a lot of times. But no, it's just that we give you are all we expect the same thing. We don't

get it. Now we have to act the fucking donkey. Okay, before I move on, I want to ask you something real quick, girl, What fucking year are we in? Why the fuck is bitches right in their numbers and the addresses on papers and sticky notes and they is still leaving them in the car. That's how my father got caught you one time. How the fuck it what from back end? And I'm talking about back in the day? Who is still writing down numbers and addresses? Any fucking

lied about that? Girl? Bend as motherfucking co workers two. So keep this ship in the back of your mind. I'm not gonna say leave. It could be a bumpy road right now. It could be something that he's going through. But don't ignore ship. Don't forget ship. Motherfucker's lie all the time. They lie all the time. That doesn't make it right. But maybe he wasn't sleeping with her. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe that was just somebody that he was

getting attention from. Because you were lacking with giving him attention. That still don't make it the funk right. And if he's gonna play around with you and try to flip shit on you and ship like that, then maybe it is time for you to take a step back. That maybe what you need to do check back in with me. Like I said, I don't know you're living situation. I don't know if you are stabilized enough financially to go get your own place just to see what happens with him,

you know you. I don't think you need to be in a situation where he feels that you need him so he can do whatever the funk you want to do because you need him. You're not gonna leave him because you're in a whole another city. I don't want him to feel like that. You're a little cripple, you know what I mean. And you can't go and fly on your fucking own because you all away in Michigan. You can make a life anywhere for yourself if you're strong enough to do it. You don't need no friends,

no family, no nothing. You don't okay, but you need to be in your right mind. You can't let him have everything to do with your mind. You can't okay, so check back in with me. Girl. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, we have another voice note. What's up, Jess. My name is Lamisia Patterson. I'm from the West Side of Chicago. I am twenty nine years old. I don't have a

just fix my mass situation. I just really wanted to get on here and applied you for your work. I am a big fan since your Instagram videos, like since your oh YouTube videos like I'm a real, just larious fan. I love you. You're funny as hell, and I just want to be a part of your podcast like shot me out, I love you, put me on an episode to say what that you love me? I love you too. Lamisia not get the funk on ship making me mad? I thought she had something to say. I love you too, girl.

Do that ship no more? Now? All right, my bad, y'all, We're moving on to some real ship. Okay, So nobody else sent any voice notes in, but they did write me large paragraphs. So here we go. Hey, jas, my name is John. I am a transgender male female to male. I have known this girl for about two and a half years, and we dated for a bit at the beginning, but she flipped out and started tripping because she didn't

believe I was on the phone with my mom. We went back and forth as friends after the fallout, and recently started talking again. I let it be known that we were just friends from the beginning, but she still tried to press a relationship, introduced me as her boyfriend, and called me bay, babe, baby, et cetera. I usually nip it in the bud, but it still happens fast forward. I told her I didn't want to be with her relationship wise, and that she was a great friend and

I wanted to keep her as a friend. She got upset and started making it as if I was the bad guy and that I let her on when I made it clear that we were just friends. I want to keep her as a friend, but I don't think she can respect my boundaries. But she is a good goddamn person and I like her dot dot dot as

a friend. Oh. I mentioned I was trans because during the argument, after telling her I wanted to be friends, she started addressing me using feminine terms instead of masculine, and that is kind of why I am in a bind because we always make up, But disrespecting my transition just ain't it. I definitely understand. First of all, I'm going to tell you that I'm absolutely proud and I give you the utmost respect just for telling me that you know you are transgendered. You went from female to male.

But let's just start even before we get to her disrespecting your transition. She seems like a very secure female. Off the rip. You told her you were on the phone with your mother, and she didn't believe you that she were on the phone with your mother, So something they're just that's a red flag that she thinks that you would have to lie about being on the phone with your mom. Maybe she's been through some ship and

shanet able to trust no damn body. I understand when people get into arguments, people feel like they have to win. Some people just have to have the last word. Some people just gotta win. Some people just have to hit below the belt at times and sometimes every time. And that was wrong for her to do. But that's the

reason I feel that she was doing that. She wanted you to hurt, and that is the only way that you could hurt because what other reason would she have to say that she's trying to hurt you, Because I'm gonna tell you how she feels. Even knowing that you were born a female and you have transitioned into a male, she still is in love with you. She is in love with you, knowing every part of you. She's accepting of you, know your transition, and and she just really

fell in love with a good person. Because I can see that you are a good person from what I can gather from reading what you sent me. You know, you seem like a really, really good person, and those are hard to come by. She's taking the fact that you only want to be friends with her as rejection, when she shouldn't even look at it that way. She should look, Okay, this man still wants me in his life as a friend, because I obviously I'm still somewhat

good of a fucking person. He doesn't want to be with me, But that doesn't mean that I'm not a good person. You're looking at all her attributes, her traits as a person, her personality, her character, and that says a lot about her that you even still want to remain friends with her. You said she was a good person, but that hurts when you want to be with someone and they're telling you know, I just want you as a friend, you know, because she probably can't figure out

why the funk she's not good enough. So these are just motions that she's probably going through. I've been in that predicament as well. And if right, that's what it is, she's just focusing on the negative part of it because she wants to be in your life, but not as a friend. And and she sounds like the type of person that if she can't have you, no one can. That's very toxic and very dangerous. But yeah, this girl is madly in love with you, and that person is

also dangerous as well. If you can use something against me that I told you or that you know it's a sensitive spot for me, then you're a malicious person. You're vindictive. That says a lot about you. You're very selfish as well. Why are you trying to hurt me? What does my my sex change? What does my transition have to do with me not wanting to be with you? Why is that even coming up with a negative connotation behind it? If you love me, why would you use

that against me? So I definitely do understand that part of it as well, and that hurts you. I imagine that hurts you because this is a woman that you love. So I never ever ever tell people to sever ties with friends or lovers and ship like that, but I would say take a step back from her because she need to deal with her own hurt her own way. You can't be a punching bag for her just because you don't want to be with her. Thank you for

submitting your story. I know that there are even some things that you left out about her because you don't even want me to judge her because you still love her. But I know your relationship wasn't all peaches and cream. I can tell that her mouth get a little slick and that she may have an attitude problem as well as need anger management. But you didn't tell me all that you know, and that's because you still love and respect her so much that you ain't even gonna try

to throw no dirt on our name. But that's one thing that you can't get past. I can tell I know it because you did bring that up, that she'll even refer to you as a female that's her own and secure self. She needs to deal with that, Yes, you should take a step back from that, honey. You should and let her come around, because nine times out of tense, she's gonna need you before you need her. And moving on. Hey, Jess, please help me. I'm twenty

four and my boyfriend is forty two. We've known each other for six years and we've been dating almost three years. Since we've beneficial, he's had a stroke, a heart attack, flatline, lost his job and home. Goddamn. I stopped going to school to get a second job to support us. Right now, we're working at waffle house and the pace sucks. I'm mentally exhausted and physically drained. He pressures me to give him a baby, but his daughter doesn't even funk with me.

Every time I try to leave, he plays mind games about how I'm giving up on him, and he doesn't want to end up on first forty eight or snapped. All right, I'm afraid and I'm close to giving up. Okay, sweetheart. Wow, So you're twenty four and this man is forty fucking two. Okay for one, that's already a problem. Now. I know that I date older guys. I know I do, but that's now you're twenty four, I'm thirty. I'm just starting to step into these older niggas, okay, and I'm loving it.

But back on you, twenty four years old. This man is forty two years old. Already too big of a fucking age game. You said you've known him for six years, and y'all been dating for almost three years. Okay, since y'all beneficial. This man has had more health issues than a little bit. Now, I'm not coming at him for that. That's something that he can't change, and I understand that. However, that's what happened when you get up there in age, okay. And that's also what happens when you live a hard

fucking life. And that's also what happens when Carma catch up to that ass. All Right, I'm just gonna say that, and we're gonna move on. He'd lost his job, he flatlined, he had a heart attack, a fucking stroke. All this, you stopped going to school. You a baby young enough to be his daughter. You'll stop going to school to support y'all. What man in his right mind gonna let his girlfriend do that? What real fucking man, man, I put a d on end with real fucking man gonna

let you do that. What real man gonna let you drop out of school? Baby, let's just start here. I'm gonna help you realize you're worth like this. Who in the right mind gonna let their girlfriend drop out of school to help them? Now, this niggna went from all that he was and you don't went from school. So now both of y'all working at the motherfucking wifele house, and the pace sucks. You goddamn right, it sucks for a forty two year old, it better suck. You're twenty four.

You still need to be in school. You know, ain't nothing wrong with you work in a wiffle house, but not with your forty two year old boyfriend who ain't doing ship but depending on you. You're mentally exhausted and you're too fucking young to be. You're physically drained, and you're too fucking young to be. You're letting this man physically drain you. And now he talked about he want

to fucking baby. You dropped out of school. You work at the waffle house with him, and he's pressuring you for a baby, but his other grown ass daughter don't even funk with. Oh, I'm getting it. Now you're saying his daughter don't even funk with him? Not you. Okay, So we got one child that don't even funk with him, but he's pressuring another child. Who was you to give him a baby? Okay? All Kelly, Damn. He plays mind games with you because he knows he can control you.

You've been letting him do this. He got you to quit school to help support him, so he already know he has control over you. He controls you. Where is your father? I would love to know? Where's your mom? Do you have older brothers? I want to know more about you, because how did you get here? And them little jokes that he says, You know, I ain't trying to end up on first forty eight or snap. Sometimes they ain't playing about that. Sometimes they ain't jokes. He

might be dead as serious about that. And now you're afraid, but you're close to giving up. Oh my god, I'm afraid that nothing that I can say will even help you. It won't even get through to you. I'm afraid of that. I really hope it does, though. I feel like you need to get the funk out. I don't care how you do it, but you need to get out. Has he ever put his hands on you before or are these just a little harmless threats that he says when

you say you're gonna leave. I don't know, but I know you're smart, and I feel like you can figure out a way to get the funk out without ending up dead or ending up a victim of domestic abuse. I feel that you can get out. You're young, and with all these strokes and all the attacks and flatlines, that motherfucker might not be able to catch you, so you might can leave while he's looking ship. Let me know, because this pisces me off. This pisses me to funk off,

and I want to ask you. Are you from New Orleans? And is that where you live? Just reading your Instagram name, I think that's where you may be, but let me know. Check back in with me, because no young girl deserves this, but I want to know more about you and how the funk did you even get here? And we're gonna end the episode on that note, y'all, thank you for tuning in. These three stories got me and my goddamn feelings.

Um again, feel free to send in voice notes telling me your story so I don't have to read it or get it wrong or I would love to hear your your voices. Guys. When y'are telling me these stories, it means so much more to me. Again, you never have to say your name, you never have to tell me your significant other's name. You don't even have to tell me how old you are and where you're from. This is a safe space. I want everybody to feel

that they are safe telling just their mess. And I want you all to feel like I can help you. And when I can't, I'm gonna let you know. But until then, make sure you send in all of your feedback. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Also tuned into Reckless Discussions tonight at seven pm. I'm so sorry that we have to take a hiatus. Last week your girl was sick. I ended up not having COVID or monkey pox. I thank God because God is good and all the time he is good. I think I said it wrong, but

either way, he he's good. Tune in every Wednesday at seven am to Carefully Reckless and in my deepest pan boys, peace. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,