Fighting for Family

this is what I'm doing. So if my voice is horse and I sound like somebody's dad, it's because I've been screaming to the top of my lungs filming this movie. By the way, the movie is called Pretty Stoned and it drops on four on v H one and TV and all that other good ship the Viacom channels, you know. Anyway, So unfortunately we do not have voice notes. So I'm gonna be reading bad with me, Chad, because God, I've been reading scripts and all of that, and I know,

I let me stop trying to shut on y'all. I'm not trying to shut on y'all. I'm just saying I'm goddamn tired of reading. Well, just because y'all don't want your boyfriends and y'all beloved loved ones and best friends and all that ship people that y'all following up with to hear your voice because they recognize you a little stinking as voices. I got to read, all is nonpunctuality. So let's jump straight in. Hi. Just see. My name is Kiki. I'm twenty one from Detroit and I need

your help. Well, there goes anonymous. My father was shot and killed when I was three years old, so I grew up without my father and was raised by my mother. Growing up, I made bad decisions and men and some women as well, even though my mother did the best she could raising me and my brother. I'm writing you this because throughout my life I lost a lot of people in my family. A year after my father passed,

I lost Grandpa, my dad's father. When I was all right, you left out a word, but I guess you're trying to say when I was younger, when I was a baby, my father's mother passed. My grandfather did reamy years before I was born, and she is my bonus granny and I love her. By the time I turned seventeen, I lost my mentor. She was danced and choir director for years I never got to say goodbye. By eighteen, I lost a few of my uncles. By eighteen I lost one of my uncles, a few months after another uncle.

In I lost my aunt, and most recently in April, I lost my granny, my mother's mom with her past, and this one was really hard to accept. She passed right before her mother's day and right before my twenty one birthday. What's really eating at me is that the last conversation we had, we argued a little. She had always been independent, but just got sick. She was no longer able to do things on her own, as simple as just drinking a glass of water or using the bathroom.

The last thing she said, basically was get out, I don't care. The next day we placed her in the hospital because she wanted to go. That day, my mom took her in and she was talking, but by the time I got off work, she was on a ventilator and basically in a coma. Oh my god. She never woke up and passed away two weeks later. I never got to say her voice again. My question is how do I manage all of the loss I have seen and been through all my life and still continue on

gaining happiness for myself. PS. My bad girl for calling you Jesse. I was typing too fast and didn't realize until it was already sent. I love you, girl. I do not mind you calling me Jesse at all. First and foremost, you are a very strong young woman. I'm glad that you sought the courage to even reach out to me and be as vulnerable as you were to share as much as you did. Losses are not easy, especially back to back to back to back losses. People

have different ways of dealing with losses. UM. I noticed that you told me about all the people that you lost, but you never told me just how you managed to deal with it or how how you have coped in the past with it. You said, the hardest loss that you had to take was your grandmother, and that was so hard because you guys kind of ended not on a really bad note, but not really a good note. You guys argued a little bit. She had told you

to get out. Um, you guys had differences, and Um, the next day she was placed in the hospital and two weeks later died after you not even being able to hear her voice after the argument because you were at work and didn't get off until later on that day, and she was already on the ventilator by then. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of your losses. However, you're still twenty one, okay. Nothing can sue the pain, nothing can

bring those those loved ones back. But you, being twenty one and still at a very young age and still having so much life to live. I think that you should take this as a stepping stone for what has prepared you for this cruel world that we live in today. We do. We live in a very very cruel world. We live in a world where you can see somebody here today and gone today. You can see somebody this morning, they're gone this afternoon. You know, you can see somebody

the night before they're gone the next day. You've gone through a lot of that. I think starting your healing process looks like therapy. And I don't mean just fix my mask. I mean like some real, real therapy, not so much deeply rooted issues. You already know what they are. You already know the deal with your parents and your grandparents and in all of the branches on your family tree. I think it's just a matter of you surrounding yourself

with positive energy and going to healing groups. Like Also, I just recently gave this same advice to someone else I was helping on this podcast. I'm having a deja vu moment very vividly as I spoke on this. There are healing groups and support groups at churches, and if you're non religious, there are different support groups that are non religious, um that you can act really participate, and they have them weekly. Sometimes people need them more than

once a week. People need them daily until they're able to kind of grasp what that healing looks like, that self healing looks like, and then you need these groups less and less. Like I said, surround yourself with positivity, things that make you happy. There has to be something that makes you happy and um, all this turmoil and through all of these losses that you've encountered in your younger years in life up until now, there has to be something that you know makes you happy. And you

have to have a happy place to go to. Even if there's something in particular that doesn't make you happy, that has to be someplace that brings you good memories, UM, happiness to look forward to. Something like that. Are you dating? Do you have many friends? Are you satisfied with the job that you have. Do you have a pet? Do you have an emotional support dog? Do you You You know

because I have one. When I was going through not being able to juggle being a full time mom and a full time entertainer because my son was in school and and I was on the road a lot, I got a dog. I used to take my dog, Vain, who's a French bull dog by the way, and is going on three years old. March is his birthday. And don't play with my dog. He's an aries. I bought him,

and he bought so much joy to my life. He actually helped me cope with being alone and away from my son, my biological son, you know, because I say my dog is my son as well. They're very good for emotional support. They're very good for when you do feel only. They're good for breakups. They're good for losses, They're good for filling that void. And um they never leave you, they never turn turn on you. UM. I can't speak for every breed of dog, but I know

that your frenchie will not because mine hasn't. And this is not my first frenchie. I've had too, but there are multiple outlets that will help you with where you are in your life right now and how you feel like there there can never be happiness, and how it

seems like it's never ending misery for you. There are different outlets, So I just I want you to take into account that there is help, but I want you to go lee on an actual couch and actual therapist couch and and get through this because you definitely can check back in with me. I want to make sure you're fine. I want to make sure you're okay. You know. I love to do the check ins. Okay, And by you being so young, I think you're gonna figure it out.

I really do. I see a lot for you. Tell me a lot more or a little bit more about yourself, about your social life and are you an introvert like I want to learn more about you other than just your losses that you've been through, you know, the loss of your loved ones. Uh. There there are so many other things I bet that you can tell me. There is so much more to you. I know it is, so check back in and let me know it's a lot of things you didn't tell me, because I want

to know exactly how I can help you. You gave me quite a bit, but it's not enough of you. You didn't tell me about yourself, gave me a lot about the family tree. So check back in with me, baby girl. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back and moving on. Okay, we have a guy this time. Then he did not send a voice note in, so I'll be reading his story.

Here we go. If one was interested, how would one go about being your friend with benefits only sexual benefits, nothing more. Ask me for a friend. Get the fucking offer here, ship, I'm trying to help people. You trying to bust a nut, sir. Look it's going on. Hey, Jays, I really don't know where to start, but I will say. I'm a twenty seven year old mother. I have two girls. The oldest is ten and the youngest is six. My

kids no longer live with me. My aunt did an emergency custody order on me back in while I was at work Walmart. But before that, I let her know that my last child, dad kept popping up to my crib at all times of the night, accusing me of laying up because I never answered the phone when he was calling. At two thirty am, three o'clock am, so he pop up. Growing up, I was taken from my mom at three months, from her sisters who had three boys of their own. But the aunt I was with

first she had two boys and one girl. My mom had two boys than me. I never really got the time to be around my mom, so I really don't know her like that, and she died when I was ten. I was literally getting passed from both aunts back and forth. The one who has my kids now have kids that are mentally not there, and one of them has to be at least thirty six. He works for when Dixie and the other got to be at least thirty. He

plays games and works at Walmart. The youngest is in the military, and he witnessed his older brother doing weird ship when I was younger, like catching him sniffing my panties by the washing machine to peek through the cracks in the bathroom door when we were in a trailer at the time. Then when I was with the other aunt and we came down to visit them, me and my girl cousin would get in trouble for laughing too loud, so our aunt would make us come in the living room.

We'd fall asleep eventually, but every time we woke up, her oldest son he'd be in between us. So after my kids got taken, I moved back and with the aunt that took me at three months. She'd let anyone crash at her spot. I had good days just as well as terrible ones. The aunt with my kids would come by to visit her sister, so I'd get to spend five minutes with the kids because she didn't stay long. And every time the kids see me, they come running calling me mommy, but my aunt be rolling her eyes.

This the same lady died ten times from a heart attack in oh six goddamn, and came back to life acting like a Christian. But she once told me I was going to be good for nothing but laying on my back, and she said she was going to haunt me if she was to ever die, which I felt like she's already dead because I have custody orders saying to get my kids on Mother's Day all major holidays. Last time I tried, which was about two weeks ago, I show up to our house. She had church music playing.

I sat at her table, opened my folder with my court documents and a calendar to discuss the days. This lady just started yelling and telling the girls, tell your mama, you don't want to be with her, and they started crying. So I kissed my oldest and told her, Mama, finna leave. I don't got time for your auntie drama. Me and my girlfriend of three years moved to Florida in June,

of which is an hour away there in Alabama. It's like this woman didn't expect me to come from my children, and it's while she's brainwashing them with mother in their right mind. Once their little girls living on the couch with them when God knows who's walking in and out all times of the night. It was times my car would break down and nobody would help me to get work done on it, and not even the ones living with me at the time because they were too busy

or too sleepy. Then again I got in some mess back in so I asked my aunt what she get the kids, because I didn't want neither dad having them because a lot was going on. Even though my case didn't come up until mid I'm in the process of handling that now with a lawyer because I have court next month. So I'm gonna work on the custody case right away when I get my chips straight. I've been

at this hotel job for six months. I put a position in stating she's not going by the court's order, she's not allowing me to see my children, and I feel like to take it a step even further to help my fight. I want to bring up her child touching me so bad, because honestly, I don't feel comfortable with my girls living there. What you think about my mess?

This is generational curse that needs to be broken. My grandmother called Alzheimer's an oh four and the aunt that I was with at first all he's left me with her. We had a big household which belonged to my grandmother. My aunt just took over, moved my kids four hours away, and she never came to see her mom when she was sick because she was too busy taking care of somebody else's mom. I literally had to feed my grandmother med's, bathe her, feed her. Most of the time she would

spit the meds out. One night, a man knocked on the door saying he see our grandmother walking towards the cemetery we lived on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. It took an hour to get to a store. Plus I was barely in school. I had asthma bad, so I was either in the hospital or home with my grandmother. As soon as my mom died, she was living with the aunt that has my kids now, her sister. I moved in months after that because I kept getting

in trouble. Me and my younger cousin was fighting too much, so I said I wanted to leave, and once spring break came, I left. I get with the aunt that has my kids now, and she's never there. She's out in the streets coming home, falling on the floor, drunk as how, and all kinds of stuff. She went Christian and really got worse. If you ask me, all she does is mumble under her breath. It's weird. I could go on and on. Girl you have She's always saying I'm on drugs, and she labels it badly. All I

do is smoke weed. She calls it dope. But I don't smoke dope because I know I'm gonna have to pee clean for my babies, so whenever the time comes, I'll be good. Okay, So, honey, child, you were ever reware, and I still don't even know exactly what your question is as to how I can help you. So I'm just going to try to assist you as best as I know how after reading that long, long story. Hold up, hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If

you love me, you'll listen. So obviously, there are family issues, just like my girl in the first story, there are family issues there, and these seeing a bit worse because it's like your family is not even a damn family like your aunts and and your cousins, and you know you're being touched, and then you having to deal with the fact that the very same house that you grew up in and you were touched and your kids are

under the care of those same people. You know. So I can only imagine what you're going through, how it's making you feel as a parent. You feel helpless, you feel useless, You probably feel like you can't even help your children. And the fact that you did mention there at the end that you know you need your p to be clean, your urine to be clean. I'm assuming your own probation supervised, that is, and UM, I don't know what your charges are. I don't care. You just

need to get your children. You need to get yourself together so you can get your children, because there's some things going on with you as well. I'm not gonna sit here and blame every single thing on your family. I'm not blaming anything on you either, because now what what is blaming anyone gonna do for anything right now?

But there are issues that you have as well. There's trouble that I can tell that you are in and out of, not just that one time in there is a demons you're fighting, there are there seems like a dark cloud over your head wherever you go. I need for you to get yourself together and get your children. Your aunt seems to love your babies, but don't really have the best interest for you. Um. I feel like she may be bitter and fed up with you. I think whatever you have done in the past, uh, maybe

in her eyes, you haven't taken life serious. You could have done more as a mother in her eyes. I feel like so she's kind of bitter towards you. She kind of maybe feels like you didn't do enough to get your children, you know, and and a lot of people that take on other family members children, they kind of start resenting whoever the biological parent is because I'm over here is taking care of your child, your chill drinking.

In a lot of cases, not just one, it's children, multiple children being taken care of by family member, and you out here just still on drugs. So you are here, just still doing what you're doing. And you're just out here in the fucking streets and ship. You're not even making an effort to better yourself. So you can show me that you at least are trying to get on your fucking feet within a timely fashion. Like you know, Tom is fucking ticking, and kids grow up. They don't

get younger, they only get older. So you know, I know a part of your aunt is like, look, I raised my children, whether they're good boys or not, good boys, bad boys, good children, whatever I raised my children. I'm doing you a favor, the due diligence of what a family should be at all times, because it takes a village. And she is head of your village because she has your children and has had your children for a while.

Now that's coming from her side. From your side, you need to get your children because you don't want them to go through the same thing you went through. No, you weren't brutally raped and all that, but you were touched and it could have gone that way. Your cousins smelling your panties and all that. Ship And they're now older. This was when they were younger. Only god knows what the hell they are into now if they're still that way. Not saying that, but I'm only going off of what

you told me. One of them in her thirties and the other one in late twenties or what what have you. Whatever, you need to get your children, get yourself together, get a job. I'm talking about, go through the courts, do it the right way. Don't fight your aunt. Don't try to reason with her. Don't. She's so angry and still bitter and still piste off with you right now, you know, especially how you said the meeting went when you went

to go. You know, when she bought the kids over to the house for five minutes and she's telling the kids to tell your mother she y'all don't want to go with her and all that. And you know your kids are only getting older, they're going to start seeing this and developing their own rendition of what family is in their minds and it cannot be this. So you

have to do what you have to do. Put on your big girl panties, get yourself together, go get your children, check back in all right, and if you haven't heard it in a while, I don't know you, but I love you. And just like that, we're gonna end this episode. We had too very painfully emotional stories. Oh my God, or should I say emotionally painful stories. I'm over here

and between sets about the damn cry Jesus. Both of these women have gone through traumatic stress, a great deal of trauma and their families, and um, I'm praying for both of them, and y'all should do the same. Make sure you tune into co parents and therapy with Rome and just that's me a little baby daddy as we're sitting down with other parents who are trying to create healthy environments for their children to grow up in and to raise them amicably, move forward amicably without trying to

be together, so that lives on YouTube. That it's taken the place right now of reckless discussions while we work on revamping season two, which is still coming, y'all. Less in the works. I leave y'all hanging house of jewels coming. Make sure you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday on your way to work in the mornings and the evenings wherever you get your podcast at. And then

my deepest pam boys, peace, see you next week. M H. Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.