Embrace Who You Are!

give my advice and all of that. This is different. I want to tell y'all about somebody bringing me their mess in person. I did a show a few weeks ago, and I did a meet and greet, and I'm not going to say the name of the city because I don't want people to go find out, because honey, all I need to do is say what city I was in. They will go and find this guy. They will going, you know what I mean, Like it's everything too, It's

too much these days, people do too damn much. So I will keep this man as anonymous as I can. I did a meet and greet and this guy came up to me and he had asked me what would be the most effective and most safest way to come out to his friends and his family. And this guy, he was a younger gentleman. He told me that he was in his mid twenties. He was saying that he's known that he was gay for a long time. He's been knowing, he's been having these feelings and since he

was about fourteen. He said that he did actually date a girl though, and he tried to date a girl even after he realized he was gay, because he didn't know if this was just a phase. He didn't know if this was just him being curious. You know, he didn't know if he was bisexual. He didn't know yet, and a lot of people have a hard time with that.

You don't really know. It has to be a whole series of emotions or a whole process before you actually get to that point where you can look in the mirror and say, Okay, I am a gay woman a gay man. It has to be a whole bunch of feelings that you go through or you know that you haven't even probably processed correctly because you don't know, you know what I'm saying. So he was telling me, there's a stigma being put on gays. So I'm scared, you know,

and I'm scared for my profession as well. He was telling me that he works in waste, so he's a trash truck worker and he works with a lot of his friends that he actually grew up with, who has no idea that he's gay. He and his friends also went through college together, and that whole time he had to hide who he was. He was he was sleep with women and you know, take one for the team and you know, and really fight his gay feelings just so he could fit in with his straight friends, you

know what I mean. And that was his whole college life, he said. But he said he's tired of it. He's tired. He's tired of it. He graduated college at twenty two and for the past three years he's been thriving in his major and he is just tired of hiding who he is, or having to hide who he is. He has one friend who knows, and that friend is not gay. That friend is by and he wants to come out, but he just doesn't know how. He also is an avid Jess Hilarious fan, and he actually told me that

he is aware that I helped Prince come out. Now, for those who don't know Prince, Prince was on Reckless Discussions season one. That is my brother and friend, and that's the guy that I call twin. Prince is not my real brother. He's not my real twin. He's not my biological friend. I mean, he's not my biological twin or brother. He is my real friend, though I call on my twin because we have the same birthday. We both share February thirteenth for our birthdays, and we just

happened to hit it off as friends. Chemistry was always great from day one, and boom, here we are four or five years later. So yes, I helped Prince come out. And Prince was a barber. He was a really, really good barber, and that was a reason why he didn't want to come out as well. He was like, wow, man, I don't want to lose my clients. I don't want to lose my respect or my reputation as a barber because I'm gay, you know what I mean. And it was a lot of emotions that he had to go

through too. You know, Prince also suffered suffered past tense from depression, you know, and it's very easy to slip in depression when you're battling who you are, constantly having to hide who you are every day just to fit into society, you know what I mean. So what I told him was keep your fucking head up. Fuck everybody, because if you live constantly for somebody else, you'll never ever be comfortable with yourself. You'll never ever step into who you are if you live in for everybody else.

Then I asked him this, those people who you are living for or living to fit in with, are they living for you? Could you bet your last dollar on these same motherfuckers living for you hiding who they are. Imagine them hiding who they are to please you, just to fit in with you. Would you even allow something like that? And I bought tears to his eyes, not that that was something that I was trying to do, but I bought tears to his eyes because he actually

felt what I was saying. Fuck everybody and how they feel. If they disagree with who you are, they only need to respect you. They don't need to agree with your lifestyle. They don't need to patch you on the back for coming out. They don't need to kiss your dick and balls for saying, yeah, I love men, they just need

to respect you as a human being. And I remember I sat down at the Breakfast Lub a couple of weeks ago with trans woman Laverne Cox, and she was telling me, I don't know why people get so hung up on people having to respect them. No, people don't need to respect you. No, people don't need And I been fell out of that. If everybody, if I felt that way, if I felt the need for everybody to respect me, I wouldn't. I don't want to quote her a verbatim, because you know she was saying a lot

of shit, but I totally disagree with that. No, you need to respect people as human beings. Yes, yes, yes, we do, Yes we do. Because before you are trands, before you are gay, before you are anything, you are a fucking human being, before you are black, before you are white, before you are anything, we are all the same as human beings. That's what we all have in common. We are human, We are people. So that's what we

need to respect each other as first. Any of that other shit after that tweach their own, even the shit you can't control. You can't control you being gay, You can't control you being white. You can't control you being black. You can't control that. But we don't have to conform to any of that. We don't have to respect any of that. We just have to respect firstly as humans. That's what I'm always gonna stand on. I don't give

a fuck. Okay, that's just what that is. So in that moment, I saw him as a human being, and he saw me as a human being. And I told him, not everybody is going to see you as a human being because people can't get past your sexuality. A lot of people can't get past you being gay. A lot of people ain't gonna get past it. But that's not your job to worry about the motherfucking people. It's your job to worry about yourself. Do what's in the best interest of you, for you and buy you. You can't

have other people dictate your life. Don't hide behind who you are. Stand tall, walk in that shit. He was mainly worried about his profession, is what I got from it. He kept going back to him being a trash truck worker. And he was just like, man, you know my friends that I work with, they have no idea and my profession. You don't see gay niggas every day, and it's just like it's I'm scared, you know, and I do a manly job, and a nigga. You can be a man

asked gay man. That don't matter. Just because you gay on me, you ain't manly. We got some buffneck niggas fucking other niggas out here, and they doing it and doing it well. Oh, every gay is not flamboyant. Every gay nigga ain't the same. Some niggas you can look at and tell they gay. Some niggas you can't. Some niggas you can't. Some niggas you might want to fuck with just because you can't tell they gay, and they so goddamn fine. Like listen, there's no specific look to gay.

It's either you all or you ain't. You know what I mean. And as far as his fucking job, I said, listen, you are a beautiful black man. Okay, you work and waste. Okay, you work with trash, you work in one of the most wealthiest fucking industries. Okay, you make money. You got your head on straight. I wish y'all could have seen what he had on his ass was swaggy and dapper at the same time. He looks so goddamn good, and I'm like, you worried about your fucking coworkers. Nigga, we

work with trash. Y'all better accept that I'm gay and keep it the fuck moving. What the fuck are you gonna say, Oh, I don't want that gay nigga working around my garbage. Get the fuck out of here. You're gonna accept me because right now we all stank nigga because we working with trash. Ain't no way. I'm just a gay nigga working with trash. So it is what

it is. And I had his ass laughing by the end of that fucking meet and greet man, And it was amazing to actually share that in person, you know, and it actually motivated me for season four of Carefully Reckless. I may just actually provide visual to this audio and actually sit down with people and work with them through their mess in person. I may I may do that, like I may want to do. I just I could not get past the fact that he was bold enough to come up to me, and he just he was

vulnerable enough to talk to me about it. And then he actually he waited to the end of the meet and greet, the meet and greet line long as hell. He waited at the end and he was one of the first people on line, and I seen him kept going to the end of the line. I'm like, why is he doing that? You know? And he paid that forty dollars for that picture and set his ass down and talk to me, and we talked for like a good fifteen minutes. He laughed, he cried, nigga. I almost

cried too. I was drunk too, you know, I drunk people be I almost cried with him, you know. And then we hugged and then that was it. I told him check back in with me, and I actually gave him some really good advice, and he said, I feel better. I honestly really do. I'm not just saying this because you're just hilarious. I feel better. I feel so much better. And yeah, I want to go talk to my friends. You know. They my coworker is just but they are

my friends. And that's when I calmed down a little bit, because I was I was over there, like, whoa, what the fuck? They act like they shit, don't stank, and y'all working around shit every day. Get the fuck out of here, you know, And he was like, nah, these my boys, man like, these are my friends, my real friends, and I just needed this extra carriage. I needed this extra courage to tell them. You know, you gave me that, and I just was happy. I was happy that I

was able to do that for him. So if you're listening right now, baby, I love you, and I'm waiting for you to check back and with me because I don't know when I'm gonna see your finance again, So you know, check back in with me. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back moving on. This is actually someone that wrote to me. Okay, hey, Jess, I've been a big fan of yours for a long time, and I happen to be a trans woman and have

seen all the controversy surrounding your thoughts toward us. I recently watched the episode where you were on Breakfast Club and spoke about Britney Griner standing up for trans women playing sports in the WNBA. You have no idea what it's like being a trans woman. Our girlhood is different, and the fact that y'all just can't accept that y'all are not the only women in this world is so cruel.

I still love you so much, but I strongly encourage you to educate yourself on the trans community and everything about it before you speak about us again. I'm team Brittany on this one. Okay. So, first of all, thank you so much for writing me. I know you must have worked up a bunch of courage to hit me up and talk to me following what you just saw. And I love you too. Thank you. I love you first as a person. Like I just told the guy in the previous story and told all my listeners, I

respect people as people and that is it. That is all. I respect you as a human being. First of all, I want to be very careful with you, not because you are trands, but just because you already feel that I don't like you. Guys. I know you didn't say that, but I feel like that's what you are trying to say, that I have some type of something against you. Guys. I do not. I do not. I'm gonna be careful for you only because you think that. But I'm gonna

tell you this. When you said I have no idea what it's like being a trans woman, no I do not. I will never know what it's like, and neither will I ever want to know what it's like. You know why, I don't have to know what it's like because I'm a real woman. I'm a real woman, a biological woman. I was born with these parts. I'm going to die with these parts. I will not change my parts. I have no desire to change who I am, and that

goes for gender, personality, sexuality. I have no desire. I know who I am and I'm standing on that because I have the parts to prove who I am, Okay, to prove what I was born as. I will always be a woman, a biological woman, a real woman. And I never thought that I would see the day where I have to preach the fact that I am a real woman to somebody who is not and who will never ever be a real woman. You have no idea what it's like being a woman. Okay, you have no idea.

You will never know what that's like. You will never know what that's like. Yes, y'all, girlhood is different because y'all are trans girls. It's always gonna be different always. That's what y'all have to accept. We don't have to accept that, y'all have to accept that every trans woman, every trans man, y'all have to accept the fact that you are chasing something that you will never catch. And

I need for y'all to understand. I respect y'all and I love y'all as people, but I'm never going to ever ever minimize myself me as a real woman, So y'all could feel better about y'allselves. Never will I do that. And I still love you so much, even after having to put you in your place. I love you, really do. Hold up. Hold up, I noticed shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If

you love me, you'll listen now. For the Britney Grinder thing, Brittany Grinder said that it's a crime that trans women are discriminated against as far as sports goes, and she said it's a crime that they can't play sports with women. Trans women can't play sports in WNBA. I think she was a bit dramatic with that. I don't think it's a crime, like I said on Breakfast Club, and I'm gonna say from now on, no, it's not a crime, Brittany.

It's not whether she's trans or not. She stands with trans women and that's totally fine, and nobody's like abolishing her for that. We're not trying to destroy you, brittany Where. Nobody's saying that trans women shouldn't be allowed to play sports. I totally disagree with them playing sports with biological women, though you know why because you still have strength of a man. I think, and what I said and what I know this person also heard me say on Breakfast Club,

get youall own sports. The trans community should have their own sports, just like they should have their own bathrooms. They should have their own everything. Y'all got your own pronouns. Y'all got your own everything. Now y'all should have y'all y'all got your own encyclopedia or your own books or some shit LA. I think no, I think that's the gaze.

I don't know. I don't know, but what I do know is that it's completely unfair for trans women to play sports with regular women, with real women, with biological women. Ain't no goddamn way. No. I will never stand for that. And at the same time, I don't stand against trans but I don't stand for y'all playing sports with biological women, and I don't not the same way, and vice versa. I don't think that a transman should be playing sports with biological men. Baby, you can still get hurt. Somebody

tackle your ass. You out of there. Seriously, you were born a woman, so your testosterone ain't the same as these biological men on this field out here. Okay, And that's just facts, that's just what the fuck that is. I ain't got to be no scientists. I ain't gotta be no no, no, no, no, no, no, no genetics specialists. I don't gotta be nobody working in no fucking lab to say that, because that's facts, that's factual. With that band said, we're gonna wrap this episode up, but before

I do go, I want to say this. I want to say for Britney grind Or, I am glad that she is back home. I'm glad that she's back home. I'm glad that she's staying, that she is standing up for her beliefs and what she believes in. I'm happy that we got our own back, you know, a fellow American, African American, but a fellow American. She's not stuck in Russia anymore. I buy ass won't go back over there, you know what I mean, or break any laws in

any other countries. You know that was a learning lesson, but I really feel like she didn't get what she deserved, because nobody deserved to be treated the way she was treated in another country in prison. You know, I will never ever say that she got what she deserved. That's fucked up. But I think it was a learning lesson and I am happy that she is home. And I do want to also say, whether y'all think I do or not, I'm letting you know I love all people.

I love all people, whether you're gay, your trance, you're street, you're white, you're black, your other, whatever the fuck you are. I love you because you are another person. You're another human being, and you were born into this world and you did not ask to be here. So that's why I love you. And just like that, we come to the end of another Just Fix My Mess segment on

Carefully Reckless with your Girl just hilarious. Catch this podcast each and every Wednesday, and in my deepest Pam voice, peace.