Communication is Key

with in the future. If I can provide any fixations for your mess, I will. That's why it's called Just Fix My Mess Now. Y'all sent me some really interesting situations. It was like y'all was trying to top the people last week. All right, everybody's name will remain anonymous. First one, here we go. This is a man. Yes, y'all know. I love celebrating men opening up because they don't usually do so, so I love this. Hey, just me and

my girl has been together for quite some time. I lost my job and she is in between jobs, so money is tight. However, we still make it through for the kids. But she has a shopping addiction and she always puts that first, What do I do? Because I don't want to leave, but I will her priorities are not in the right order. Well, I will say, you sound very responsible, and coming from a man, that's something you usually don't see. You know, usually the man is

the frivolous spender. You guys spend your money on shoes and all that type of stuff. Now, women, we have shopping addictions, yes, But if everything ain't right at home, if the bills are behind, if the children ain't all taken care of daycare, school to wish and all this stuff ain't paid up, you have no business. No business shopping now. Grooming is different, getting your nails on head done, you know, looking good is different anything extra like the shopping.

You said she has a shopping addiction. If she's in between jobs, she ain't even supposed to be worried about shopping at all. Then you said kids, all right, so I'm assuming that you have more than one child together and y'all live in the same house. Somebody needs to find a job, somebody needs to work. She's in between jobs, and you lost your job. You told me a bit that was a mouthful. You need to get a job.

And she needs to get one too. You need to sit down, an asshole, talk to her about this too. If you haven't, that's something that you'll never tell me. You'all never tell me if y'all bring this stuff up to them or not. So I don't know if this helps you, but if you haven't communicate that with her, because it sounds like she's irresponsible as a mother and as a wife or a girlfriend. She sounds very irresponsible.

And now it could be one or two things. Either she's selfish or she is spoiled because you've spoiled her. Now it could be a thing of when you guys were up, when you had your job and everything and you pay the bills, and she had a job and you provided everything, so maybe she could spend her money freely on herself and shopping and all that. Maybe you didn't know that you were creating a monster. If she

has always had this issue, that's different. If she's always been careless with money and very wasteful with finances, then that's something different. That's something that should have been talked about. You should have been noticed that even before your kids or right after whenever it started. But that is a communication thing. As well. You can sit down and talk to her about it. If she disagrees, you make a decision from there, because you always have to do what's

right for you first and then your kids. And I know a lot of people are going to disagree with that, but there's no way that you can take care of your children if you're not mentally prepared, if you're not right, if you're not in your right state of mind. So you have to make sure that you do what's best for you and then your children, and it's best for you. It's not staying in How can I put this because

I don't want to. I don't want to deem your relationship negative or like put a negative connotation on your relationship. I don't want to do that. But you seem unhappy and very frustrated with this, and if it's not fixable, you have to do what's right for you and your kids. Hopefully that helps. Okay, this is from a woman. Just My boyfriend wants to be a rapper. He has been rapping since he was sixteen. He's thirty three now and

hasn't popped off with his career. We have spent so much money traveling, booking shows and he never popped as an artist. He has little gigs here and there, but it's not bringing in any money. I don't want to crush his dreams. However, he needs to know how I feel, because this ship is going nowhere. Okay, so you didn't pose a question like you're asking me what you should do.

But I'm just gonna assume that you're asking me what you should do, and what you should do is not crush his dream but still be honest with him, Babe, this is not working. I don't know how long y'all have been together, but you said he even rappings and see with sixteen, So obviously this is his passion. This is something that he wants to do, whether he pops

with it or not. Everyone wants to make it. But just because you don't make it does not mean that that's not your passion, that's not what you want to do. It's just that he hasn't blown yet. I don't know if you will. These days, it's easier to make it, but it's not easy staying hot. It's not you know, you got TikTok and things of that nature, and rappers and celebrities are much more easier to get in touch with Than to reach then back in the day, you know Than used to. So there are ways that he

can make it. I mean, does his music suck in your opinion, it's all about if it's good or not, like it is it good? Because if it is good, it just means he hasn't met the right person yet or met the right person that could take him, or he doesn't have a team. Is he doing it all alone? Is it just you and him? Is he independent? Like what's going on? I need a little bit more meat to the story. But I feel that you can be

honest with him without shattering his dream. You don't have to say niggati, sh it ain't working unless his ship is bad. That's where you have to be honest. It's not being a hater. And a lot of people think that if you disagree with something or you're hating, you being a hater. No. No, but it's good to be honest with people. No, this is not going to work. No, this is not no, this is not gonna stand out. Nobody's gonna bump this ship in the car. Nobody is saying, hey, yo,

put on a little dug from down the street. He dropped some hot ship last week. Now, if nobody's saying that, then no, you have to be honest with him, that showman girl, and you want to stick the sade him, then stick beside him and tell him the truth. It's not going anywhere, Babe. Do you think that you could

step back from it and get a job. Let's get a job, and let's work on it until we Because there's nothing wrong with chasing your dreams, but you have to be able to take care of yourself while you're chasing that ship. You can't chase it and end up homeless.

That has worked for some people. But if you are the amazing girlfriend that I think you are, because obviously you do support him, and you have been supporting him, you're just seeing the of the road here, I think that you could be honest enough to tell him, like, Babe, I've been here with you, I've been in the gym shooting with you. You ain't making these shots, all right,

So we gotta move on to something else. Maybe fall back from it, come back to it, but we have to make something shake because bills are still here, life is still here, we are still moving forward. This is not making us any money, This is not gonna you know, so you just have to sit down and communica again. Communication. Don't be writing me asking me nothing, just for me to keep giving you all the same. Man says the ship communicate, but I love y'all, thank you so much.

Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Moving on. Hey, Jess, So I just recently watched Couples of Retreat on v H one. Had no idea you were on the show. My situation is similar to Claudia and kJ I've been with my man for four years and I want more children. He already has to but he doesn't want anymore. He told me this when we first met, but as time

went on, I thought that it would change. I love him dearly, but don't want to settle if I'm not getting what I want. I really do want more kids. Okay, I do understand, and that is a similar situation as Claudia is. Yes, but the thing is, you already have children. Claudia don't have no kids, so she's like she just

wants a child, like she wants a baby. Every woman should have the experience of having a baby if they want to having a child, it's it's something beautiful with it's multiplying, it's creating life, like you're making people like you know what I mean, Like you made a person a person that that is yours and that will be

yours forever. It's something sacred about that. That's amazing. But when you're in a relationship and someone doesn't want the same thing and they do tell you upfront before y'all even get official and become so in love and all of that, he did tell you this. I'm not sure if kJ always felt that way about him and Claudia, you know, or just period, like he didn't want any more kids. But I'm gonna tell you this. Your boyfriend told you so. It's really really your choice, and you

told me you thought that it would change. But it's very seldom that you can change a man's mind about something like that. Only he can change his mind, and it's not even effective. If he loves you enough he'll give you a baby, it's not even that. Maybe he has reasons why he doesn't want any anymore. Now, that doesn't mean he doesn't want you or the relationship want to marry you. Doesn't mean he's not gonna marry you, doesn't want you to be his wife. He just doesn't

want any more kids. And I know this is repetitive, and I don't want to seem redundant, but he told you up front, so that's the only thing I can see. If these things weren't talked about and you guys are four years and and because four years is a chunk of your life like that, that's not no little bit as time and it hasn't changed. But he did tell you still, so he really is against having more children.

That's what we see. That's what we know. I'm so sorry because I know you do want a baby, but I'm happy that you already have kids, so you have experienced birth and pregnancy. You just want it with him, and you want more kids. I do understand. But sometimes things don't work out the way that we want them to work out. And that's just what it is. Baby girl. I'm not telling you to leave this man, and I'm not telling you to stay. I'm telling you to pray

about it. I don't know if you're religious. I don't know if you're Christian. I don't know if there is a higher being that you pray to mine is God, and I would literally just have a talk with God, and I would have a talk with him as well, and tell him not to persuade him to have a baby. Just tell him what you told me. I thought it would change. I did, if you haven't already, I thought this would change. I love you. I don't want to leave you, but I want kids. I know you did

tell me upfront that you didn't. However, things do change, and I thought it it would change. Not that I could change you. Make sure you say these things. Not that I could change your mind, but you could change your mind. You never know what life may bring. You never know how you're gonna fell in four years, three years, six years, You never know. I don't know what your experience was before with the children. If you guys been together for four years, and this should have already been

talked about. If not, it's still fine. It's not too late to go and talk to him about these things. Get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to have any and if it's just dead end, it's dead end. Baby. You gotta move on if that's what your heart tells you, or you gotta stay stick it out. Ask him about adoption. You know there are different ways. I don't know. Maybe it's the pregnancy part that scares him. Just get inside of his mind and try to talk and figure out

what's going on with it. Again, communication, But thank you for writing me, baby. I'm so sorry. I know she wore her child. Because child. I want more to with the way these men is set up. Baby. Now, we got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Okay, moving on, just I've been in a monogamous relationship for a long time, but my fiance complains that it's getting boring and we're growing apart. However, we don't want to call it quits.

He recently acts for an open relationship. At first, I thought like he got me fucked up, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad. What do you think, m Yeah, I see, I think a little different. I don't care how long we've been together. And this is just me speaking from my personal perspective. I don't give a funk how long we've been together. I don't care if you're getting bored and nigga spice it up some other way.

We are not bringing in another person to help us with a relationship, because before you know it, you will be alone and that bitch will be with that nigga. Believe me, he already told you he's getting bored. But y'all don't want to bring up. No, ya don't want to see each other with someone else. That's what that is in my opinion, And I may be wrong, but if he were to leave you and go be with

someone else, that will hurt you. If you were to leave him and go be with someone else, as bored as the relationship got and as far apart of y'all group, he would still have a fucking problem with that. So that's the problem there. Y'all don't want to let go because y'all do have so much time in history put in and all of that, and I do understand that. But people do grow apart. They do, and maybe you guys just have to separate. Maybe you'll have to be done with each other. Go do you he go do

him whatever and come back. Because y'all didn't even make it to the married part. You said your fiance sweetie, So y'all haven't even made it down the aisle. How long were you all together? Ship? And he proposed, and all of a sudden he's board. I don't know how long have y'all been engaged because black people got a motherfucking have it of proposing and then forgetting about a day. I'm what, just gonna be engaged for life? Like, no,

that's that's not what we do. I think what you should do is you used to sit down and y'all should really be honest with each other. I feel like y'all are not honest. I feel like he's not being honest with you about becoming bored in a relationship. I just feel like maybe his heart is not there anymore, maybe his mind isn't there. Something ain't there, something that is not gonne. There's a disconnect, there's something going on.

I'm not saying it maybe with another woman. I'm not trying to put anything in your head that doesn't need to be there. I just want you to see and don't play yourself and don't let him play you, because, like you said, at first, you was like, oh no, he got me fucked up, and rightfully so he does. I love how open he was with you to even try to suggest something, so y'all won't you know, But it's like he wants to pass is like, uh, it's something that it ain't right. It ain't right. Have you

guys ever had threesomes before? Have you guys ever? You know, I don't know. I don't know that. It's just like, that's not something that just comes out of the fucking blue from a fiance. Is he already dealing with someone? That would have me thinking like, are you already dealing with somebody? But you're so far in here because we are about to get married or were supportively getting married, but you already got somebody on the side, So now you want to bring that person in And it's my

mind would be going, and it's going right now. And I'm not saying that's your situation. So just forget all that that I said, but keep it in the back of your mind. But don't you know, don't harp too much on that. Just sit down and be honest because that's communication. But that's also a bunch of bullshit to me. It's just something that's not right there. I don't know if you're not telling me something or whatever it is, but sit out and make him be honest with you.

And if he cannot be honest with you, you still feel that it's nothing, then yeah, you need to exit stage left quickly easily. Don't pass go, don't collect two d go leave. I'm sorry, but that's that's how I feel, alright. Moving on last one. Oh, this is from a baby. I love this, and baby, I mean she's she's saying she's seventeen. Okay, My parents threatened to disown me if I continue to date my boyfriend. They don't like him, the life that he lives, and the fact that he's

not our race. Would you continue a relationship like this because I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. Hm, the fact that you're a baby. And I'm not gonna ever tell you you don't know what love is. You don't know, you don't know what I mean, because it's absolutely possible that you do. I'm not gonna tell you don't know what love is. But you have a whole lot of life to live. You're very young. You're in high school. I'm

assuming if you haven't graduated early. Now, what kind of ship is this boyfriend into and what fucking race are you and him? You? You left a lot of little shit out. I don't know. I can't even make an assumption and say oh, she might be white and the boyfriend might be black, because it might be the other way around. He might be a white boy and our parents is like, uh, he may be Hispanic, He maybe Asian, Russian, he might not be rushing. But but you know what

I'm saying, he could be anything. So I don't know. I don't think she wanted to disclose that information. However, I do feel like you should talk to your parents find out what is it about him that they don't like. And he could just be a bad boy that they see could easily influence you just by being around him or his girlfriend or you know. That's so many ways.

Like I was seventeen years old before I was a teen ager, before my my parents didn't like every little boy I thought that I was gonna be with, you know, they didn't. And I also dated older when I was a teenager because I've always looked older, you know, a little strong in the face, got strong features, whatever. So I've always looked before my time, right, So I always dated up until I actually got older. I used to lie about my age all of that. Ship is it

that I used to date niggas in the streets. I used like it could be that. I'm not sure again race. I honestly feel like if your parents didn't say that, maybe that doesn't have anything to do with it. I don't know, I don't know. It sounds I ain't eve gonna say what it sounds like. I ain't even trying to paint this picture like this. But to me, it sounds like you're white and you got yourself a black boyfriend and your parents ain't feeling it. If it is

about race, it probably just because he's black. If this is the case, it don't have to be about race. Acthor. It could be that he in the streets, It could be that he's older, it could be all those factors, all those things that I just said I went through as a teenager. So sit down and talk to your parents. I see that you said I'm definitely picking my boyfriend. If that's how you feel, I can't stop you. Apparently your parents can't even stop you. But you do have

to talk to them. They're your parents, and they have your best interests at heart. They're your parents, So sit down and talk about it with them because you're their baby. You know you're their baby obviously, And I love how you said parents. So you have both of your parents still not a lot of young people can't even say that. So that's good that you eat and still have both of your parents. So God bless you. But talk to them, be talked to him for you get your lot as

whip girl. And just like that, we've come to the end of another episode of Carefully Reckless with your Girl. Just hilarious. Now let's just fix my mess that is the ship. I might go a part three next week, but I might not. I don't know. I might give it a little rest because y'all. Y'all got have some problems, all right, But it all boils down to communication. I

see a lot of people don't communicate these days. That's been the issue with every story that I've looked at, everything that I've looked at, it just seems like you guys don't communicate. So open your mouth, even if it's a hard conversation. Hard conversations have to be had as well. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong. You have to be able to have hard conversations and marriages and relationships and friendships with family. In business, hard conversations you have to.

You can't run from it. But thank y'all, I Love y'all and I know y'all love me. Tune in every Wednesday. Hump Day also turned into Reckless Discuss Every Wednesday at seven pm on YouTube. Love Y'all piece Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.