Back In The Building!

Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect, And.

Just like that, we're back on the air.

Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious, where I'm fixing mess.

That's what I do. That's what I does.

Not only do I do it on The Black Effect for Carefully Reckless on my own podcast, I do it on Breakfast Club, on B E T and everywhere else. You can listen to Breakfast Club back. Just make sure you tune in every day. You know, I ain't knowing it every day, but I will be, and.

I'm speaking it into existence. That's how you got it.

You gotta speak things as though they were speak as.

My bad Lord. I know that was in your good old book.

I know it, but I don't really know it verbatim, so I ain't even gonna touch it.

We're gonna jump straight in. Okay. So I've been getting stories from everywhere.

Okay, now that I'm doing Breakfast Club and now that I'm out and about, more and more people are asking me in person. Oh, Kenny Kenn, I just had five minutes your time, so you can hear me out fix my mass. It was this lady at the airport, and she asked me what should she do about this? I was in Charlotte over the weekend and I met a lady in the airport and she wanted to take a picture, but she also said, can you help me with my mess? I was like, I don't never help nobody in person.

What do you do?

You go get your man back, that's what you do, because obviously he moved on a little bit too quick.

And that's what people do.

They they jump in relationships, they jump out of relationships, and well, people do jumping it out. But this wasn't her case. Her case was they were together for six years and they were having a lot of problems or whatever, so they were gonna take.

A break, but they still lived together. So that was the thing. Now, separated living together.

I wouldn't even date a guy that tells me that he's separated, but he's still living with his girl. Now. They weren't married, they were just boyfriend girlfriend for about six.

Years or whatever.

But their struggles is why they broke up. They both were struggling, and that's what it can happen. You know, finances, that shit can actually bring a wall up in a relationship and drive two partners away from each other.

That shit would make you go crazy because if you if you feel like you.

Can't financially provide for you or your family, or you or your girl or you were your guy, it fucks with you mentally, you know what I'm saying. And that shit, that shit takes away from your confidence. It messes with other areas like sex. You don't want to have sex, no one. You can't get it up because you broke you know, you can't get wet because.

You're thinking about what you're gonna do. Your bills are.

Going unpaid and all that type of stuff. So they fell up on hard times and they broke up, and I guess he still needed that fulfillment from somewhere. He ended up meeting somebody getting into a relationship ship three months after the breakup, and then shortly after, admits to his ex that he made a mistake, and that's when he told her, I'm in a whole relationship and I don't know.

How to get out of it.

So he came to her to ask her for advice to get out of the relationship with the new girl so he can be back with her. What the hell is going on? Just break it off with that girl, you know what I mean. I told her to tell him, just break it off with the girl, like you just got to sit down and just be honest. Like he was honest enough with you to tell you all of that shit. He was honest.

I liked that.

That's how you know they were friends. That's how you know there was a strong foundation. A lot of people don't have that they were friends. Some people would be half scared to death to go to their ex who they're still in love with and tell them, yo, I moved too fast. I got in a fucking relationship and I'm not over you, and I don't know what to do. How can I break it off with this girl because I don't want to hurt her feelings because she she's

That's a bit step.

That takes a lot of patience and a lot of damn dignity and also no ego and no pride, because that that could never work with a motherfucker with pride, could never work. Pride be so damn big, ego, be so damn big. Oh he got me fucked up, be so damn big. But I really liked this. I like that he was very, very honest with her, came to her about the shit and was like, Yo, what should I do? And she didn't know, so when she saw me,

And then I'm also asking you, how do you move now?

How can we like, how do you just deal with this situation? You know? So that's how you deal with it? Get your man back obviously, you know he loves you, and you left him. Y'all just needed to get over whatever y'all needed to get over. Sometimes the end is not always the end, you know. Sometimes it's just to be continued. Y'all need to do y'all best team up to break up with that girl together, so y'all can continue get back with me, get back with me.

Because you said you was gonna listen.

I told you I was gonna talk about your story on my podcast, So make sure you follow up and you update me so I can update my listeners. Moving on, So I did Breakfast Club a couple of days ago, and you know I fixed mess on that now. As I said to y'all previously, that was this girl that called up. And I ain't gonna say this was dumb, but sometimes people just.

Need to hear themselves talk.

That's why I like when y'all give me y'all mess, because when it's borderline obvious, what the fuck you need to do? Sometimes you just need to hear your story told back to you. So this girl called up and said, I wonder why I keep ghosting men.

I never make it past the talking stage, right.

So I was like, okay, okay, okay, trying to figure it out because when people say that I never make it past the talking stage, you know what it is, right, It ain't them as you because you said you never make it back so that means almost every guy never makes a pass to talking stage because you ghost them. What about them makes you want to ghost them? She said, Well, it's only the guys that I like. I don't ghost

DA's your handsome right there? Girl.

You said you ghost the niggas that be chasing you, but you don't ghost the niggas that you really like, So that means you're chasing behind somebody too. That's how it always go. The good girls always want the niggas who really don't want them for them. I'm not saying these niggas don't want you, the ones that you really like. But you like a guy to play on to get you, like a guy to act like he don't like you. And I think a celebrity just said that.

One of Ruby Rose just said that.

She said she quote unquote, I don't know, well, don't quote me at all.

Allegedly.

I think Ruby Rose they says she like guys who don't like her back or who act like they don't like her back.

Huh, you want to get nigga, don't you shit? What you mean? You want a nigga to act like you don't like you?

I excales, I f a you're talking about. So that's not the right way to go. And that also means that you like toxic shit because you like for a motherfucker to feel one way but act another. That's toxic as shit, girl, and I think that's mental as hell.

Don't do that now.

The guys that are chasing you, they probably wanting it downing you, probably calling you and texting you every day, every doing everything that you want from these niggas that could care less. That's probably dicking you down every now and then. And that's probably a smutting you out. And the reason why I say smut because you having sex with all the ones you like, but you ain't trying to give no pussy to the ones that are chasing you.

That's crazy.

How about you stop to chase, turn around for a second and pick one of them niggas who chasing you and see how.

It actually goes.

That's why you don't get past the talking stage, because nigga's too soft for you. The niggas that chase you too pressed and too and too soft probably for you. Get one of the niggas a chance, girl, I'm telling you'll probably be right with kids. Settle down somewhere, and you'll be writing me next year and talk about Jess.

Listening to you.

It's the best thing I ever did in my life. So get back at me, girl, Get back simmy. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast, I swear i'mnna beat your ass.

Listen.

Moving on, So last week we had somebody in person. We're gonna do one every so often. We have another person in person today that is gonna allow me to try to fix their mess.

I ain't gonna let you know who they are.

I'm not gonna let you know what they are because everybody is anonymous on this show.

So yeah, take it away.

Hey, jazz girl, I'm urt Okay. So I just got of a four year relationship. Wow, it was a few months ago, so you can still say it's fresh.

And I just started being okay with dating a game and I started talking to this guy.

And you know, when you're starting to get into an relationship, you want to let them know what you've been through, just so you won't go through it again and give them more insight on you. So I'm letting him know what I've been through with my ex, and he's trying to say that I'm comparing him to my ex, and it's not.

That at all.

It's just literally, I don't want to repeat the same cycle that I've been through with my ex.

Is traumatizing, you know, and it triggers me.

So I just want to know how can I communicate with him without making it seem like I'm comparing him to my ex.

Okay, So there's two ways that that could be taken. There's two perspectives on that, because while you don't want to be compared and people actually do it, sometimes you do have to let that.

Person know what you just went through, not only so.

They won't do it, but so they can handle you accordingly, they can handle you different, and so they can be like, oh, they can have a reference if you are triggered by something or if something happens, it's like, oh man, she went through this so or he went through this, so this is why they act like that. Okay, and then all right, now we're going to try to break that

I think it's a meet in the middle type of situation.

Let me ask you this, how often would you bring your ex up or your passed up?

Because that also plays a part too.

I remember when I was talking to this guy and he brought up his ex every day, not because he wanted her, not because he liked her, you know, or he missed her. He bought her up every day because he was just that fucked up over the relationship that almost everything reminded him of being with her, even when he was talking to me certain things. You know. She was also an aggressive person, and you know I'm not always.

Aggressive, but my voice very aggressive off the rip.

Especially if you don't know me, you can take every almost everything I say the wrong way, you know what I mean.

And I'm not even from New York, you know, we from Baltimore, so you.

Know, but I would tell him, y'all, I'm tired of him about your fucking ex.

I don't like this shit. I'm not used to this shit.

Nobody has ever spoken on the X so fucking much do you fucking want her back? Or because honestly, like I was so fed up, and I was so like offended and defensive, Like I was just very like not even trying to look at it in a way of oh no, he's kind of telling me what he went through, and.

He's just very very fucked up. It was just very severe.

How often you know, would you bring up your past or your ex to this guy?

To be honest, not that much, but I noticed it started becoming more frequent when he started acting like my ex. He can start, you know, doing malicious stuff.

You know what I'm saying.

It would be the same shit that my ex used to do, and I would bring it up and I'm like, okay, that's the shit that ran me away from him. That's shit I don't like. It makes me feel uncomfortable. So I fall back and he's like.

I'm not your ex. I'm not your ex, you know, stop comparing me to him. I don't do the same but like him, Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

So that's what I'm trying to battle with and get him to understand.

So you actually said the words, you're acting like him.

Yes, Oh my god.

No, you're not supposed to say that because all right, so all right, we'll stay asked this.

Tables were reversed, right, tables returned, and he told you, you know, you act like my ax.

You would go to fuck off?

Right, Yeah, it's a better way to say it.

It's a better way to say it.

And to be honest if the nigga act like niggagg like X to be honest with you. But a better way of saying it is I've been through this before.

I've been through this before, and.

That's why I made myself single. That's why I left my last relationship. I don't want to.

Go through this no more.

I'm not.

This is a trigger for me. This scares me. I'm not. I didn't want something not doing that again, I'm not.

He's still being compared, but it's not yo, you act just like him or you act like my ex. Because if this is a man that's trying to build something with you, regardless of him acting like your ass, that could drive a man crazy, that could fuck with their self esteem, and that could always put in the back as mine. She might really fucking go be back with that nigga, because if I act like that, nigga.

She might as well just go be back with him. You know what I'm saying. You know, and literally you saying the same thing.

If you gonna act like my ax, I could have just stayed with my fucking ex. But that's not what I wanted to do. I don't want that type of shit. No, more like I don't want to be treated that way. I didn't like this part about the relationship. So you either got to like compromise with me, change that or that's it. But y'all want in a relationship. Y'all were just talking and because I know you said you didn't

Oh hell no, uh uh hold up.

I know this shit getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.

If you love me, you'll listen.

Yeah, it's a lot. It took a lot for me to get to say that he acts like my ex. I'm having a conversation with him and I'm not even bringing up my ex, but I'm just educating him on myself and also about things that he do that I

And I'm like, he stop doing that, and he's like stop doing what? Like stop making it.

Seem like I'm crazy, Like I don't know what I'm talking about, Like yeah, absolutely.

You know, and then he'll drag it on and drag it on, and.

That's when I exploded, and I said, you're starting to act like my ex, like, don't ever make me feel like I'm crazy and I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to educate you on how I am and tell you about it, and then you're kind of dismissing me because you don't want to face it or you don't want to hear about it.

You don't want to hear about Yeah, you don't want to hear about my ex. You don't want to hear about my ex.

And you don't like want somebody tell you about yourself exactly, and it has nothing to do with my ex at all. But now, yeah, since you want to make it about my ex, you acting just like him. Yeah, and that's just how I felt about it.

So what did he do when you said that? Did he stop talking to you? Or Oh, he was trying to kiss my ass about it?

Because usually what I do when I'm feeling some type of way, I back off. So he's literally just trying to kiss my ass. Like, Okay, you know I didn't mean it like that. Because I stopped talking to him for maybe like a day, he started blowing me up, calling both my phones and just acting crazy.

That's another thing in my exit. That's a red flag. Ladies. Don't let niggas call you. You know what I'm saying, Old ladies, if you got your phones, don't give them both none. By the fuck.

How shit, I'm gonna be married and my nigma have both my numbers.

Shit, Please do you better not call me on this one?

Shit because husband's be calling a lot, not that I've ever known, because I don't have one shit. I think the question is being changed. Do you even think that I'm ready to date since I'm dealing with all this?

Or should I just finish healing?

Well, to answer the second question, You'll never finish healing because life goes on, and you know it'll be new problems. Unless you bury the old ones and get them ironed out and put them under, you know, put them the rest, it's going to be new ones, So don't. I don't think it's any such thing as a fully healed person, because that would be a perfect person. You see what I'm saying, Well, they don't exist. We need some type of trial and tribulation. We need some type of obstacle

But the idea of.

Love and loving someone and having someone love you is always beautiful and it always seems like it'll make sense, and it seemed like that's what you want. But how has your last relationship even changed you? Did you even think about going through a whole phase? Did you say, I want to date a couple of niggas, I want to have a roster people.

I just talked to you.

I want to just be by myself until maybe we can figure it out.

Maybe we won't figure it out, or when we do.

You know, I went and dated other people, so now I know that he's for me, or like, how do you feel in that aspect?

Well, I did want to just, you know, just take my mind off it, like have distractions and everything. But sometimes I do get connected to it absolutely, and I don't want to talk to nobody else. It's it's a lot of work talking to a lot of people, having a roster you didn't having two phones, that's a lot, I know. So I was just talking to him and then he started acting like that, and then it was so easy for me to fall back because he's not my ex right, I'm not used to him, and he's

Yeah.

Now, if you talk to somebody else and they end up doing the same thing, it's going to be the type of guys your track because you know what you are like to help people, like to fix like brokenness in some sort of way. So yeah, like you, it'll be with your track more so because you have a big ass, hard you keep getting these batter than scoring people. Yeah, what about girls, y'all? Think about some girls?

Actually, no, I got a few honeys on my roster right now, and you know what this is over, I ain't doing this shit no with a few honeys.

After you sitting there and fucking just yeah, but you know I'm not really gay? Oh so you so you fake? No? Listen? Oh I'm confused.

Can you see why people stay anonymous? Then and be like her fake gay ass?

You bring a fake gaze on a community, You bring a fake gaze on the podcast.

Now, where you can just bring a real gay up dad, but you're scared of the real gaze. It's like, no, you're at my show every weekend. I ain't scared of y'all. I love y'all.

I love, love, love y'all. So listen.

That is the end of the episode. I ain't got no advice for this damn girl, because I.

Like what you're doing. I love what she's doing.

She's dating. There's nothing wrong with that. She's fucking dating. People think that dating is when you're with a person. No, that's in a relationship. When you're dating, dating is just seeing who you like, getting to know a person, and you can be more than one person. You don't have to be having sex with more than one person. If you all whatever makes your book float. But I'm saying everybody don't always have to date exclusively. Dating is you

I see you next week.

Yes.

Can't.

Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.