A Sugar Daddy, A Tired Bestie & A Crackhead

let's just get into it, y'all. Hi, Jess, please pick my story because I've been contemplating writing you for months since I've been listening to your show, one of your first listeners. Oh, thank you, girl. Here's my story and how I need advice. I've been seeing this man for almost three years. He's fifteen years older than me, but that's not the issue. Damn, fifteen years older than you. Sorry,

I will not judge. Here are my concerns. Okay. So in parentheses, she says, believe before I typed this, I thought of everything. I'm an overthinker. I've been seeing this man for almost three years. I'm thirty four, he's fifteen years older. Okay, So he about fifty, he about to be fifty. He forty nine. Now here's the issue. He's married. Damn,

but hold on. When he told me that and started explaining the situation, I immediately said no. But then he courted me for months and I was still saying no, ain't no way. He quoted you for months and you was still talking about no. You was giving in, girl, or you wouldn't be writing me. But I'm not that type of person. Okay. Then he started showing me instead of telling me. For months, he started showing me how he lives, what it's like, and we both grown. He

didn't have to tell me. I could see what he was doing. He pursued me for a while until I gave in. Okay, I have four access to him. When I say full, I mean full. Okay, Wait a minute, that that was it? Like what the fuck? Okay? So you stopped the story right there? Interesting enough. I don't know what the hell you want me to help you with. I mean, you did say please pick my story because I've been contemplating on writing you for months, and then you said, here's my story, and how I need advice.

I've been saying, this man who's fifteen years older than me for three years, and I mean, you're thirty four, he's fifty. He's married, but you not does hype of girl, so you didn't want to involve yourself. But he courted you for months and you finally gave in. And now I'm guessing he'd told you he was going to leave his wife for all this time, all this time, all this time, and the date for him to leave her keeps moving significantly back, back, back and back, it keeps

moving further back. That's what I can assume. I mean, but you just ended your story. That was it bull So I don't really know what the hell you want me to say, Well, what specifically you need help on, But I'm going to tell you right now you just signed up to be an accomplice because we all know what he's doing. I mean, I was reading between the lines that you were giving me, and he basically sell drugs. He in the streets and shit, you know all right, cool,

We've all had our share of those. I'm sorry. I can't speak for all women. A lot of us have had our experiences with men in the streets. Whether they're older and younger, they're all kind of sort of the same. So yeah, basically you've become a mistress and an accomplice. I mean, are you helping him run his business? I mean you're fifteen years younger, so he definitely could benefit from having a young girl. This is like Diddy and Karasha, you know mine is what did he going through? But

I've dated in the streets. I've dated older men in the streets as well, and yeah, they love to pray on younger women, they do. It's something about us that keeps them youthful. They like to We keep them younger. We keep our air to the streets. They use us when it's convenient for them and their business and their business affairs as well. We are much much easier to manipulate. So of course he wasn't gonna give up pursuing you to court you, you know, after him telling you that

he's married. I mean, shit, what is a young girl's dream? A nigga with money who can buy them anything, who can do anything, and who feels like she has loved the right way. That's all a young girl needs, you know, to give your heart to a man. That's all. I'm speaking from experience. So I guess you just need advice on one leaving this motherfucker. I guess you do. And I'm telling you your thirty four year old ass got

a lot more life to live. This wouldn't be the first time I told a young girl leave an older nigga alone who is married, who is never obviously going to leave their wife. I'm gonna tell you the same. I think. Listen, you've had three years of fun, amazing sex, I imagine, amazing gifts, everything, the thrill of being with an older gentleman, sneaking around, not being caught, and all of that shit. But I'm gonna tell you this Also, if you think that wife has no idea what he's doing,

you're just as sick as he is. Trust me, she knows what's going on. It's nigga fifty. He's been with this woman for a long time, and imagine all the bullshit that she's been through with this street nigga. So even if she doesn't know about you specifically, she knows that it's somebody else's turn. She knows it. I mean, because you're probably more than likely not the only one that you know he's cheating on her with or has cheated hit with. But yeah, that's that's something that you

should just definitely walk away from. For one, it's not good for you and your youthfulness because at age you're real quick bull and it's just somebody out there for you that deserves you and that you deserve you don't. You don't need to share a man with a woman because neither one of you are winning at that point, you know what I mean, neither one of you. His wife isn't winning, you know, because she's the wife and all that shit. No, you weren't winning, oh, because you're

You're just the side bitch. You'll get all get all the money, you get fucked on, and you get everything handed to you. Nah, you're still not a priority of his either. Nobody, nobody has the number one spot, you know what I'm saying. So that's all I got for that until you tell me what else I'm missing, or you tell me what else you had to say, because girl, you wasn't finished. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back, all right, y'all.

This person said, Hey, Jess, I would like your opinion on weak friends. This has nothing to do with my other situation, but this has been bugging me for a while. I have a friend that's been with her baby daddy for years, six plus years. During that time, he had put her through the wringer. I'm talking about cheating with the same girls, damn near The whole relationship had her sleeping in a car while pregnant. She bailed him out of jail multiple times. The side chick threatened her child.

the strongest one out of my friend group. But it's like I'm talking to a brick ball sometimes, because what's the point of asking for advice if you're not going to take it?

what I'm saying. When it comes to times of intimacy, you know, what can she do? What can I? What can I do? Jays? And then I give her advice and she just don't take it, you know what I mean? Like so then it's like, damn, what am I talking for? You know, because I told you what you need to do. You need to leave this motherfucker alone, you know, because y'all got a child and shit. But it's like he come and whisper sweet, nothing's in your fucking ear, and

now he back the same day. You know, at least your girl let one day go by God damn like this, it's definitely traits of a weak minded woman. And these are things that we are afraid to call our friends out about. You know, if you're the strongest friend in your group, it's time to elevate your group. You understand what I'm saying, or go find another damn group, because you can't be You can't always be the smartest and the strongest one for so long, because then how do

you elevate? How do you grow? It has to be somebody smarter than you always and somebody stronger than you because you need guidance. Everybody needs guidance, some type of way. So not saying leave those people alone who are not growing and elevating and trying to find their way just like you. Some people like just sit in a misery. But you can't attach yourself to that. So what I did with my cousin, I didn't cut my cousin off. I cut her off from telling me anything about her relationship.

And there's a way that you can do that as well, you know what I mean, Like, because that's your best friend. You know you can't let her weak mindedness or you can't let her beyond let's just be honest and call a spade of space. You can't let her stupidity coming between your friendship. Now. It can make things a lot more tent. It can make things a little awkward between

you guys. That can even arise some issues. Okay, cool, but no, you can't break up with your best friend over some shit like this is man as mad as it makes you, as mad as he makes you, as bad as it seems, and as stupid as she seems like she is. Trust me, she just she just needs

to get tired of it. And to be honest, you're probably the only one that she has when it comes to this, because if you tie the hand about this shit, I know her sisters and brothers or cousins or other friends or aunties or whoever the fuck else she talked to, if she talks to other people about it, you know, because this is embarrassing me just reading it, so I know she's embarrassed just naturally, you know what I mean.

And he don't give a fuck about her embarrassment, you do, you know, It's to the point where she don't even care about herself being embarrassed. She don't give a fuck how dumb she look at the end of the day. But trust me, she knows. She's been going through this shit for six years. She knows what's good for her, She know what isn't. She's just not over him. Some people have in their mind the man, these men will change that. The longer I stick it out, he's gonna change.

She has to be close sort of change he has to. He will, he will, I know it. All he's gonna keep doing, you know, which I hate to say is keep proving or wrong or he may just change. Who knows that. But nobody got time to put in another six fucking years for this or four years. It will be a decade in four years, you know what I'm saying, Like nobody got time to keep seeing their friend go through to hurt and shit. I think you just cut

her off from that part. You just tell her. Look, man, I'm about sick and tired of hearing so much about this nigga, what he don't do, and you know, I feel like I'm in a damn relationship with you and him, you know, and I'm sick of it. So I just, I really really don't want to cut you off as my friend, as close as I am to doing it. I love you so much, says I just rather not

hear anything about him. I don't want you to even part your lips to tell me nothing about this nigga, nothing until you're telling me you are absolutely done and it's over. Like, I don't want to hear nothing else about it. Everything, every piece of advice I give you goes in one ear and out the other. You know, every day you wake up and look in the fucking mirror, you're not being treated right. You're not. And this is not even setting an example for your children. Y'all got

kids together. He don't do shit for the kids. Nothing, But do you want to fuck on you and lay up with you and cheat on you and do all this shit? Have his cake and eat it too? And you're making that possible for him. You are giving him the cake, You're cutting it for him and feeding it to him. So we have to be honest with our friends and the people around us. Man, I think you'll be fine. I think you should keep it a buck with her and just tell her straight up listen. I

don't want to lose you as a best friend. So you keep all of that bullshit away from me about your love life, and then we can move forward like that. That's it. I don't want to hear nothing about him if it ain't about my god kids. I mean, I imagine you're a god moom or you know, you call her kids your niece, so your nephew. You know, if it ain't about them, I could care less about what they father got going on with you and their father got going on. I don't care. That's it. That's all.

Keep me updated, though, let me know and trust me. I want to let you know something. You're not doing anything wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just trying to be a good friend. And sometimes what we do is not enough for somebody to open up their eyes and see what they're really going through. You understand what I'm saying, so it's not your fault and you're not doing anything wrong. Hold up, hold up, I know the shit getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds

of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Okay, moving on last, but not Looise. Hey, Jess first, I love you so much. Now let's get into my mess. I'm thirty from East Baltimore. Okay, fire cracker and have a hard time letting go. I've been in a situation on and off since middle school. The issue is he has a drug problem, crack problem, damn. Over the years, I've tried to save him, help him, and change him,

but obviously nothing has helped anything. I understand addiction is something he has to want to change in order for sobriety to work, but I have to go. I can't waste any more time. I've moved on multiple times, but I find myself missing him overall. We have a friendship and he's fun, and these other men are boring and I don't have a genuine friendship with them. I don't do drugs and don't want to be with a drug user.

But how do I stop comparing? How do I find friendship in these other men before I try and take it further? I low key believe he's my person, and I won't be happy with anyone because of this, But I know God got better for me than a crackhead. Damn. First of all, just relax with that, all right? Anyway?

weed at first? Was he bought up around drugs? Is the environment that he's in. Does he have a lot of buddies that does crack? Is in his household? You know what I'm saying? What about his parents? How is he you know, not making excuses for him? But nobody just gets on crack. I think we should all. You know, I'm from Baltimore too. You from ball You just set it yourself. You're thirty from East Baltimore. I'm thirty one.

I'm from West Baltimore, born and raised. I grew up watching people get high and you know, a lot my friend's parents and my family members and shit like you know what I'm saying, Like I've seen that myself. And I'm telling you, nobody just starts smoking crack like off the rip, like just off the jump off top, Like nobody just does that shit. You understand what I'm saying. So what prompted him to choose that drug of preference? You know what I'm saying, Like, why does he prefer

crack or whatever? You know, I do know that there's one of the cheapest drugs you know what I'm saying, But why is he that down and out about it? And you may have talked to him about it, but you didn't put that here, So I need you to let me know, Like have you ever talked about counseling, a therapy or rehab for him? Does he tell you things like he wants to get off of drugs? How

old is he? Like where did y'all meet? Is he worth taking a break from the relationship aspect of it and y'all build on a friendship while you help him overcome this sediction, you know what I'm saying, And then y'all revisit once he's clean and shit later to be together. You know what I'm saying, saying, Like what is it worth that? You know? Because you're thirty? You're thirty, you

know what I mean? Like, I get it, you want to date, you want to be out there, you want but if this is your soul mat and you really feel like this is your person, then yeah, like you know, is it worth fighting that fight? You know what I mean? Like, obviously it is to you. You feel some type of way, you know, and I know there is more for you.

Nobody deserves to be with you know, a drug addict, but no person deserves to be a drug addict, you know what I'm saying, So that could still be your friend. Just take a break, take a pause on the intimate part or looking at them as a lover, and just be his friend, you know what I mean. If that's not taking away from your life, if it's not causing any detriment to you and what you got going on, be his friend. Help them, but definitely get back to

me on that. I need to know what's happening with that. But to all three of the storytellers, that's what I'm gonna start calling you, all the storytellers. People who's messed that I'll be at ten than too fixed. I love all three of you. I love all three of you, whether you be ladies or men, I definitely do love you. And I thank y'all, each and every one of my listeners every week tuning into Carefully Reckless with your Girl

just hilarious because I'll be doing well. I'll be fixed and mess and in my deepest paying voice, catch me next Wednesday. Can't Fully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.