This week it's 1988's The Night Before . Winston Connelly (Keanu) wakes up in an alley wearing a dirty tuxedo and must recollect how he got there, and where the heck is his prom date, Tara Mitchell (Lori Loughlin)?!! AND the police chief is her DAD?!!! Who's Tito?? Honestly this is a pretty solid 80s flick with a very high energy turn from Keanu and a cameo by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic, bearing a classic lesson for the era: if you're a horny nerd, put yourself and your crush in da...
Aug 13, 2019•1 hr 47 min•Season 2Ep. 9
This week: part 4 of the Toy Quartet. The toys have learned to die, what's left but to learn how to live? Our boy is Canadian action figure Duke Caboom, and the tragicomic figure of Forky sparks a theological discussion. Choose life.
Aug 06, 2019•2 hr 2 min•Season 2Ep. 8
This week: we warp forward to 2019 again to cover the Netflix original romantic comedy Always Be My Maybe , starring Ali Wong and Randall Park. Childhood friends Sasha (Wong) and Marcus (Park) have not spoken to each other since some friend-ruiningly awkward, post-funeral car sex as teenagers. Now adults, their lives having radically diverged, and they meet again to fulfill their romcom destinies. It's a genre film that competently runs its paces, but the lynchpin is KEANU, playing against type ...
Jul 30, 2019•2 hr 22 min•Season 2Ep. 7
This week: Keanu is in this movie for like a collective minute and a half, so we HAD to watch 1986's intensely homoerotic "Youngblood." Hunks and hockey and following your dreams is the formula here, another disappointingly disjointed attempt at a teen sports movie. I mean, at least there're some highly symmetrical heavy hitters in here: Keanu, Patrick Swayze and (a very stilted) Rob Lowe as the titular Dean Youngblood, along with Cynthia Gibb. Most importantly, however, is that this film marks ...
Jul 23, 2019•1 hr 36 min•Season 2Ep. 6
This week: part 2 in what will be known henceforth as "The 1986 Trilogy," the surprisingly solid and underseen River's Edge . Inspired in part by the 1981 murder of Marcy Renee Conrad, it tells a tale of anomie and moral turpitude among a group of teens in northern California. Keanu plays Matt, looking appropriately scuzzy. Dennis Hopper is in it, and there's a pretty memorable turn from Crispin Glover which the hosts are divided on liking. We all agree Tim needs a good punch in the face though....
Jul 16, 2019•1 hr 52 min•Season 2Ep. 5
This week: we warp back in time to cover 1986's Flying , AKA Dream to Believe , AKA Teenage Dream , wherein young gymnastics hopeful Robin (Olivia d'Abo) tries to make her local team despite a prior knee injury and living in dreary Buffalo, NY! Our boy is in a kind of 'Ducky' role here, the ever supportive dude who it's so obvious is right for Robin. This one's kind of all over the shop folks, like a leering John Hughes doing Flashdance type of thing....
Jul 09, 2019•1 hr 52 min•Season 2Ep. 4
This week, Patrick, Jake, and Matt reach the end of the John Wick trilogy, with JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3: PARABELLUM, Keanu’s biggest hit in years. They discuss the evolution of the franchise, how it manages to keep topping itself, Keanu’s place in the landscape of modern action cinema...and also go on an extended tangent about award-winning musician Enya. Contains spoilers for the 2019 film Tell It to the Bees.
Jul 02, 2019•1 hr 48 min•Season 2Ep. 3
This week: John Wick is back, and so is guest Siddhant Adlakha (Polygon, Village Voice). He joins Patrick and the Brothers Torpey to discuss the second installment in the Wick saga, as well as important topics like Hannah Montana, Indian film censorship, and…who is Mortdecai anyway?
Jun 25, 2019•2 hr 17 min•Season 2Ep. 2
The journey through Keanu's career begins, unexpectedly, with a look at one of his more recent iconic roles: the grieving, dog-loving murder machine: John Wick. In the show's inaugural episode, Patrick, Jake, and Matt revisit Chad Stahelski's modern action classic, and explore what it meant for action cinema, and more importantly, for Keanu himself.
Jun 18, 2019•1 hr 55 min•Season 2Ep. 1
They're back! Finally! Patrick, Jake, and Matt reunite for a brief introductory episode to answer the important questions: what is this podcast, why are they doing it, and most importantly...why Keanu Reeves?
Jun 17, 2019•28 min
It’s the final episode of We Heart Hartnett (for now), so that means it’s time for Big P and the Brothers T to finally answer the most important questions: what are Josh’s best and worst movies? What sort of films do we want to see him in? What did we learn from this whole weird experience. And…does Jake know what sort of music the Max Rebo Band plays?
Nov 20, 2018•2 hr 11 min•Season 1Ep. 35
It’s the penultimate episode of We Heart Hartnett! This week, Patrick, Jake and Matt, having watched all of Josh’s feature films, dig deeper, discussing his short films, TV appearances, and even his TV commercials. It’s the final level of obsessive Hartnett analysis, taking this podcast further than probably anyone wanted.
Nov 13, 2018•2 hr 12 min•Season 1Ep. 34
After months filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, this week the podcast finally reaches the end of Josh Hartnett’s filmography…or at least his most recent movie. Patrick, Jake, and Matt hit the slopes to discuss the snowboarding survival drama 6 BELOW, and with it enter new territory: the recent phenomenon of the faith-based film. They explore this, as well as topics like whether the show Entourage was ever good, the return of Penny Dreadful, and the recent film FUN MOM DINNER.
Nov 06, 2018•2 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 33
After weeks and months of frustration and disappointment, Patrick, Jake and Matt FINALLY arrive at the movie they’ve been waiting almost a year for. It’s time for OH LUCY! the best film Josh has made in a long, long time. Beyond an in-depth discussion of the film, they also find time to discuss the Merovingian from the Matrix sequels, a potential Riddick decalog, hot takes on binge watching, the band Everclear, PLUS a drinking game for this podcast!
Oct 30, 2018•2 hr 14 min•Season 1Ep. 32
This week, Josh travels back to World War I in what might be the lowest-grossing movie of his career: The Ottoman Lieutenant. But other than this boring movie, we cover such important topics as: which host is the Gollum of the group, the MTV Movie Awards Matrix Reloaded parody, the exact definitions of holocaust and genocide. Plus: more about our pitch for Patriot Pictures.
Oct 23, 2018•1 hr 51 min•Season 1Ep. 31
Matt is back! And just in time to talk about the modern western crime drama WILD HORSES, written directed by Robert Duvall. The movie is bad and boring, so a lot of time is spent discussing other topics, such as: nu-metal, the VOD film market, and our pitch for a low-budget action drama film called Delivery.
Oct 16, 2018•1 hr 48 min•Season 1Ep. 30
If you’ve never listened to this show before, do not start with this episode. This week, Matt is out of town, so Jake and Patrick take a break from their Josh Journey to reflect on the past year of the show. Somehow past guest Chris Decerbo convinced them to allow him back to share his 8 pages of typed feedback on every episode of the show so far. This episode might be a disaster, but at least it has a long story about Patrick’s dad winning lacrosse world championships and.
Oct 09, 2018•1 hr 45 min•Season 1Ep. 29
This week Andy Webb, the biggest Penny Dreadful fan we know, joins us to close out our coverage of the show. Does it stick the landing? Does our boy Josh continue to wolf out? These questions are answered among the many tangents such as our pitch for Matt’s cameo on the show Billions, our ideas for multiple Penny Dreadful spinoffs, and Patrick’s angry rant about the Bailey School Kids.
Oct 02, 2018•2 hr 17 min•Season 1Ep. 28
Penny Dreadful continues! This week Patrick (who is audibly sick) and the Brothers Torpey continue their quest through everyone’s favorite gothic horror drama in which Josh Hartnett plays a werewolf. It’s an eventful season, featuring witches, throat ripping, necrophelia, and some cozy sweaters. Plus: Patrick reads mean tweets about himself, we discuss why Josh isn’t in the new Halloween movie, and the Torpeys pitch their commercial for Mountain Dew: Code Red.
Sep 25, 2018•2 hr 8 min•Season 1Ep. 27
After several years making obscure indie movies few people have seen, Josh Hartnett returns to the mainstream. But this time…he’s on the small screen. This week we kick off our 3-episode run covering the prestige Showtime gothic horror series, Penny Dreadful. In this episode we spend a lot of time debating the evolution of “prestige TV,” as well as discussing Batman Day, the film Slugs, and the 2003 film The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Sep 18, 2018•2 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 26
For the third time, Josh is back together with Rosario Dawson and Alexis Bledel in a movie that can best be described as a watered-down, worse version of Contagion. There’s romance, drama, and a pandemic sweeping across the United States. In this episode we discuss whether it would be improved by the addition of a zombie rage virus. We also debate the hottest old man actors, whether we believe in the power of love, and consistently struggle to say Penn Badgeley’s name with a straight face.
Sep 11, 2018•1 hr 49 min•Season 1Ep. 25
This week: our boy Josh heads backward AND forward in time, to the bottom of the ocean and all the way to India, in a time travel adventure romance called The Lovers. The movie isn’t good, but hey, at least Josh met his now-wife Tamsin Egerton on set. Big P and the Brothers T also discuss which Powerpuff Girl each of us corresponds to, our upcoming boxing fight against the Paul brothers, Matt’s failed trip to India, and whether Jimmy Stewart sounds like a chicken. Also Patrick brings up Hawkman ...
Sep 04, 2018•2 hr•Season 1Ep. 24
Another episode, another movie 99% of our listener have never heard of! This week we’re discussing Stuck Between Stations, a sort of War on Terror-era Before Sunrise, in which Josh lends his star power to a project made by some of his high school friends. Since this movie is very short and not very good, we also spend a lot of time discussing what we did over the weekend, Jingle All the Way, Nancy Meyers’ The Intern, as well as make poor attempts at Michael Shannon impressions.
Aug 28, 2018•1 hr 44 min•Season 1Ep. 23
This week Josh Hartnett takes another big filmmaking risk with Girl Walks Into a Bar, the very first movie made exclusively for internet distribution. And in a special treat, friend of the podcast Justin Quizon (Benview on Spielberg) calls in to tell us about working on the set of this movie, as well as what it was like working with our boy Josh. Plus we discuss Josh’s love life, Harry Potter, the mechanics of hiring an assassin, and Jake sings Les Mis!
Aug 21, 2018•1 hr 41 min•Season 1Ep. 22
After a week away so Jake could go on his honeymoon, we’re back to talk about Josh Hartnett’s crazy fantastical stylized action movie, Bunraku, which definitely features the best trampoline fight in film history. It’s amazing that this move got made. Also: we recap Jake’s wedding, make a discovery about Josh’s social media accounts, and try to figure out how to talk like Woody Harrelson.
Aug 14, 2018•1 hr 58 min•Season 1Ep. 21
We’re now officially in the latter, less mainstream half of Josh Hartnett’s career, and this week we encounter the strangest movie he’s made yet: the Asian art house crime thriller I Come With the Rain. Patrick, Jake, and Matt dig deep into the movie and discuss everything from Josh’s detective skills to the origin of his current facial hair. Also discussed: Jake’s recent wedding, Patrick’s problems with Iñárritu, and which Hogwarts house we would each be sorted into.
Jul 31, 2018•1 hr 41 min•Season 1Ep. 20
The lyrics to our Josh Hartnett birthday song Happy birthday Happy birthday We want to wish Josh Hartnett a happy birthday Happy birthday to Josh Hartnett We’re watching your movies because we heart you So have a Happy Hartnett birthday! Also in this episode: what superhero should Josh play? Is Collateral Beauty the next Seven Pounds? How much do Matt and Jake love the film Labyrinth? Who is Truth Springsteen?
Jul 24, 2018•1 hr 53 min•Season 1Ep. 19
It’s the end of an era: this week we reach the end of the Hollywood portion of Josh Hartnett’s career, with the 2007 horror movie 30 Days of Night. It’s a movie that raises many questions, like: is cinematographer Jo Willems related to Patrick? What’s up with Jake’s tooth obsession? What’s our favorite kind of vampire lore? Also: we launch our campaign for Matt to die onscreen in the upcoming Dune film. #LetMattDieInDune
Jul 17, 2018•2 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 18
There have been a lot of bad movies covered on this podcast, so we’re thrilled to announce that this one…is actually pretty good. We’re talking about Resurrecting the Champ, the 2007 drama about boxing and journalism. Listen to the relief in our voices as we finally talk about a movie we enjoyed, as well as topics like Cronenberg’s Lord of the flies, Matt’s dream acting roles, why Josh isn’t in the new Halloween movie, the film Wanted, the lack of Xerxes, and most importantly…Josh’s upcoming
Jul 10, 2018•1 hr 59 min•Season 1Ep. 17
This week Patrick, Jake, and Matt are joined by actress Comfort Clinton (Billions), and together they deal with their frustration about Brian De Palma’s film adaptation of The Black Dahlia. They debate the quality of Hilary Swank’s performance, and explore topics like how a good book becomes a bad movie, whether or not De Palma hates goblins, and what it’s like to play a dead body on TV. Plus: Patrick’s Reading Corner!
Jul 03, 2018•2 hr 7 min•Season 1Ep. 16
