How to Miss Someone Without Losing Yourself

Hey everyone. You know, looking back on these five years, I'm amazed how this space has grown. Not in just numbers, but in heart. Your messages, your stories. They've shown me that we all need a place to pause and connect. So, I have created Comment Down Deeper. It's everything you love about the podcast. Plus, daily affirmations, guided meditations, and early ad-free access to episodes. For just $5 a month, there's even a free trial, and right now, there's 20% off.

So head over to commentdownpodcast.com if you want to go deeper in your calm. Look for Comment Down Deeper. You'll see it there. Thank you. Now.

Let's begin today's episode. So this is part two of Still There Somehow. It's a short series for when the relationship ends, but something else about it still... sticks around i had someone reach out and ask and so here we go you might not want them back right you're not writing love letters you're not waiting by the phone but they still show up in your memories

and songs, and who you remember being when they were in your life. It's not about heartbreak, not like in the big cinematic sense, but it's about the quiet kind of heartbreak. the kind that blurs the edges of who you are while you try to hold on to someone else so today we're talking about how to let yourself miss them without fading in the process. Let's dive in. I'm Chad Lawson and let's calm it down in three, two, one. Let's start here.

Missing someone doesn't mean you need to get them back. It doesn't. It simply means something mattered. We don't miss things that are meaningless to us. We miss what shaped us, what challenged us, what made us feel alive or seen. So to miss someone is, in a way, It's a small celebration of something real. Even if it wasn't perfect. Even if it ended. Even if you never got closure. But here's the tricky part.

Missing someone can easily turn into becoming someone else. Did you hear that? When we miss someone. Especially when there's still a thread of connection, maybe a text or a shared friend group or a digital breadcrumb trail. We often start bending and shrinking and performing. all in hopes of recreating what was. Like, maybe if I'm more agreeable, or if I'm more interesting, or quieter, or louder, or if I pick the same hobbies that they love.

or if I laugh at the same memes or have you done this one? Show up in all the places that you'll know they'll be. Maybe then you can re-spark what once was. Because this is where we start to lose ourselves. Because missing someone is a feeling. It's not a roadmap. And when we use longing... as GPS, we usually end up back in places we no longer belong. So how do we miss someone honestly, with our whole hearts, without disappearing in the process?

It's hard. So let's talk about it. First things first, call the feeling what it is. Could be grief. Could be disillusionment. It could be nostalgia even. It could be a sense of abandonment even when no one officially left. Because when we miss someone, we're not always missing them as they are now. Sometimes, we're missing a version of them that no longer even exists. Or more likely,

We're missing who we were when we were with them. Did they bring out your playful side? Did they bring out your confident side? Did you feel like you belonged somewhere? for the very first time. Were you needed? Naming the feeling helps you honor it without being ruled by it. Here, let me show you. Try it. I miss feeling wanted. I miss how we laughed together. I miss the way I felt understood. I miss feeling like I mattered.

These are not weaknesses. These are truths. They are. And they deserve your kindness. I want you to make room for the ache. but I don't want you to make it your home. I'm going to say that again. Make room for the ache, but don't make it your home. Missing someone is like... a room in your emotional house. You are allowed to visit, to sit in it, to look around. But if you move in, you stop growing.

So let it be a space for reflection, not residence. Taking a quick break. You know, sometimes we all need a moment to reset. So that's what inspired me to create Calm It Down. deeper a space for more connection for more calm for deeper ways to start your day right with ad free episodes guided meditations morning affirmations videos breath work all the things and more to come if you want to go deeper in your calm head over to commentdownpodcast.com and look for comment down deeper

Join us in this community as we find deeper ways to connect and deeper ways to calm. Thanks. Now, back to it. Some people light a candle. Some write letters they never send. Some listen to music that just lets the tears come, right? That's the process. That's the medicine, if you will. But there's a difference between feeling a feeling and feeding it. There's a difference between feeling a feeling and feeding.

Have you ever thought about this? So ask yourself, is this helping me process or is this keeping me stuck? Can you answer that? Because next I want you to recenter yourself. in your own story. People we miss, they often held a role in our life story, right? But they weren't the story. So take a moment, like right now. right now to think about who you were before you met them this is your story they were a role what did you love what made you laugh

What did you dream about? This isn't about erasing them. It's about restoring you. Because sometimes we confuse like missing someone. With being lost without them. When in reality, we just haven't checked in with ourselves in a while. And that's a step we often miss. Which brings me to step four. Stay curious, not judgmental. This one is tough, right? It's easy to spiral into stories. I should be over this by now.

Or, they clearly don't care. Or, what is wrong with me that I still think about them? Right? Have you ever asked these questions to yourself? But curiosity opens a door that judgment... slams shut so instead of declaring how you should feel i want you to ask this what is this feeling trying to show me what part of me and steal healing. What am I afraid will happen if I let go? Curiosity does not demand quick answers.

It demands space. It creates space. And that space through quiet and, yes, it's pretty uncomfortable. It's where your own self begins to return.

Because here's the truth. You can miss someone and still move forward. You can feel the ache and still choose yourself. Missing is not a detour. it's part of the path you just don't have to build a house in that path So if you try to find yourself drifting back, scrolling through photos, imagining conversations, replaying moments like a greatest hits album, take a breath and remind yourself.

Simply remind yourself that this feeling matters. But so do I. Let the missing be a note in the song, not the whole symphony. So this week, I want to invite you. Here's your invitation. Miss them if you need to. If the wave comes, let it wash. But then do something that's yours. Something that they have nothing. to do with like buy a weird snack that they never liked something they would just look at you wear the shirt that always makes you feel good right walk a street

They've never been on. Listen to music that speaks to who you are becoming, not who you were. Songs are powerful. Because missing someone doesn't mean that you pause your own becoming. You realize that. There is no pausing of what you're going to become. There's not. At the beginning... to go back to something that i said missing is memory's way of saying something mattered you matter and you that is rising

From this, the one rediscovering joy in your own company, laughter in your own timing, strength in your own voice. That you? And deserves your full attention. Because you are becoming all those things. You are. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for becoming.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for living. Until next time, be kind to your mind. And join me again as we... Hey, I see that you have made it to the end, either because you loved it or because your phone's playing to an empty room while you're in the kitchen making a sandwich. I've been there. Either way, here's a scoop. Comment down premium. It exists.

Weekly episodes, no ads, early access, exclusive content. It's like finding out your favorite restaurant has a secret menu. But instead of extra sauce, you get extra serenity. It's true. So join me at Comment Down Podcast. Look for Comment Down Deeper. Or don't. It's okay. But like, why wouldn't you want the extra sauce? Either way, thank you. And until next time. Be kind to your mind.

See where I may be appearing in your area or just simply want to know where to send me some chocolate chip cookies. Visit gommetdownpodcast.com. This podcast was written and produced by yours truly, Chad Lawson, composer. pianist, and nationally recognized sweet tooth. The views, expressions, and techniques in this episode are of my personal opinion and not intended, nor should they.

Serve as a substitute for medical advice or diagnosis rendered to you by your individual doctor or other health care provider. Only a licensed physician should evaluate your situation. provide a diagnosis, or render other medical advice to you. And you should only act upon the advice of this physician. Now, I'm an extreme empath by nature. But my profession is that of a composer and pianist, not a licensed therapist or physician.

I hear from thousands of listeners how my music has helped them through various stages of emotional needs, and I simply want to offer this in future podcast episodes to aid those needs. So to find a list of licensed professionals in your area, please visit commentdownpodcast.com. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, please leave a review or better yet, share it with a friend.

While it takes less than 60 seconds to do, its impact will last for years to come as every little bit helps in growing the awareness and the importance of mental and emotional health. Thank you for listening. Thank you for living. And until next time, be kind to your mind and join me again as we calm it down.