Temper flares, Rent's up, Rugby's back

I wanna say Darby O'Gill. And as Minister for Finite, I know that once the big companies that own squillions of apartments are happy, we can sell anything as a win for tenants. Yay! I'm not sure the chivalry minister James Brown quite got that message across on Morning Island. Uh He had one job, one job, just say security of tenure, security of tenure and move the conversation to things that have nothing to do with your brief.

Chop, chop, chop. That's because debating with you is like trying to play chess against someone who only knows the rules to buckaroo. Well, I don't quite understand what that means. Well I want to say I'm really, really proud of Minister Helen McIntyre, my Minister for Foreign Affairs.

For announcing our much anticipated maritime security strategy. Anna Panicanti is a disaster zone. She launches a plan aboard a navy vessel, and the L.E. Sam Beckett then promptly crashes into John Rogerson's key. Bang! Bang! Poor woman, this is why they've had to lock away the crystal in Ivy House. So anyway, the strategy were still pretending to be neutral then? Neutral, but we just want NATO to stand nearby holding her coat. My country will always be militarily neutral.

But emotionally available. See? She said she would allow the British Navy to patrol Irish waters, and a dev must be doing the Desi swim in his grave at this stage. Who would have thought it would be Helen that would achieve for the girl's ultimate dream? Bringing back the Brit Stop that. And the defence budget, how much is that going to cost us? Well, how would I know? I'm only the minister for fine.

Oh right. You're black outing. W millions and squillions. Let's tool up the army to the nines. Pew pew Come off that our defence budget is so small the navy uses revolute like and'tis chronically understaffed. Well that's not true. We have eight ships.

Uh four sailors and there's one lad doing delivery on the side to help pay his rent. The scaremongering isn't working either. Nobody believes anyone wants to invade a country full of craters eating coal spaghetti hoops and three grand a month bedsit. No no no.

No, you see it's all about the undersea cables. The real fear isn't invasion. It's someone cutting the broadband. Ireland would collapse in ten days without cables. Three if Netflix goes. Bang bang. We're also spending a million on NATO proofing a room in government buildings. One room

A, it's vital that we have a facility where we can meet world leaders securely, and B, it's a room we can put Helen in where for once being completely out of our depth won't cause something to spontaneously explode. Is there room for Hildegard as well, or James Brown or Donovan Martin Hayden? Maybe yourself? How?

Very dare you. Of course you can build an unhackable room made out of diamond walls to protect against eavesdropping, but that doesn't stop a lad at the meeting simply leaking everything afterwards. I wouldn't do anything about that. I didn't do it. No one saw me do it. You can't prove anything. Block block block.

Preferably paired with brown shoes the color of cheap Easter eggs. One of your colleagues has called it collective punishment to withhold funding from the entire league over the actions of just a few. Ah, would you come on? Collective punishment? I mean what are you going to do? Refer me to the Hague. I could refer a few of those limited edition jersey collaborations for crimes against fashion.

Saint Pat's Wolf Tone Gense's I'm Talking To Ye. What musicians would be acceptable to you in a League of Ireland Jersey Minister? Belle X One or the Trills De Frey, I like them. The Ireland Israel match in Dublin is a real headache, Minister, isn't it? Well no, I don't think it's appropriate for Ireland

to politicize soccer or stick a roar in just'cause liberals are getting a vibe. Um unless Spain or Norway decide to do something like they did with Eurovision, then maybe we might jump on that on that bandwagon, yeah.

That's an attack on my community and our heritage. Cork and Limerick are not the same accent. The major difference is that Cork is singing theirs whereas ours mostly comes down through our sinus. Like a didgeridoo. But the T shak does outrank you. The funding will be restored surely. Where does it end? Wakes in churches, eulogies desecrating the altars of this country, society is breaking down. Minister, have you any concerns about the possibility of Irish fans traveling to Mexico?

Mexico for the World Cup in light of the unrest over there? Absolutely not. Ireland has a very good relationship with Mexico. I'll always be grateful to them for Techo Sauce for starters.

Anything with any links to Israel should be boycotted, whether it's pseudo cream, soda string even OT uses Israeli technology, which is why I refuse to listen or watch any of it. Okay, but you're on RT right now, like come on. Yes, but only to get the word.

Knee jerk. Ah, you'd miss the Owl Eurovision all the same though, wouldn't you? Could we not have just gone and given them Nilpoi sorry or just send the turkey again, no? Nilpoi whose side are you on? Are you on genocide's side? Judgy's cool jets, will you? Jets like the ones chopping bombs for Ben.

Two words here. Boy And I for one think we ought to boycott football in general. It's so goat. No what's wrong with bicycling on Bloomsday or sea swimming followed by a bear market coffee? I don't know what that is, Carrie people still miss

Kyle Moore Cafe out of your gall. Okay, okay, but should you be boycotting participation in the USA World Cup mean chief backers of Netanyahu command? The most important thing is to recognise that we haven't been in a World Cup in twenty plus years. So what, like? Why can't we just keep Keep sports and politics separate in this very specific Ooh Paul McGrath gotta get a Put'em under pressure instance. Right. And anyway, we boycott a guitar.

by failing to qualify. Ah, cheese. I mean that was a bit like when Mary Lou boycotted her Paddy's Day trip to the White House by not getting invited in the first place. Okay, okay, the voice in my ear says everyone's confused now about your point. Basically boycotting means making the tough decisions on a very personal level. I've had to substitute mejoul dates for Egyptian figs when making my lamb chujin. I've actually never tried dates, maybe I will tonight. My first dates.

Oh I I've never seen it. All my favourite T V shows are streaming dramas about rich women drinking white wine while looking out to see from statement windows. Okay. Labour voters I feel really live For Nicole Kidman Corps. Not for me, she's an Australian. Australia has diplomatic heritage of disgracefully supporting Israel.

Uh uh Okay, so the idea is we don't just boycott the thing but everyone who backs the thing. Precisely now Well I mean Epstein liked Kerry Gold, not their fault, but has he ruined it now?

Just like Andrew has totally given the backseat of Range Rovers the ick. Well to that I say boycott In fact the Labour Party would go further and we're boycotting the entire county of Kerry. Ah no, that's too far, Jesus. Except for Dingle,'cause that's the Algy version of Doki. Credit for trying, but bonus points for creamy pints at other voices. Okay. Alright, one more rant. Basically boycott.

Everything until our economy is back to turf, beef and whiskey bonding. So long as we can still have EVs and kitchen islands, nothing else really matters. Thank you. Okay, there we leave it. Coming up after the break, we meet the hairy farming women refusing to have any more Brazilians because of Mercosur.

stood up and said something righteous. Come here, did you consider forcibly uploading this one to everyone's phone like the last time? We live in a post me too world, brother, so I decided to be more respectful to charge people money for it. Great idea. Anyway, track one is called Putin is bad. That's really brave now. We felt nobody was saying it, you know? Finally, yeah. Somebody with the courage at last. And the chorus goes War is wrong! Come on, hit it. Bonds are bad! Whoa. Can't we all just

HUG MA JESUS THAT'S GUOS BUMPS BONO Actual Goosebumps. There's another track called Be Kind. Very risky message. Now you could lose people with that. Maybe, but art. It demands sacrifice, Dave. And of course you've always pushed boundaries throughout your career. What else do you sing on this EP? Trump you're a chumba! Wow. Ice. You're not nice. Oh! Putin! Stop the shootin'! Genius. Ned and Yao, go and get a flu! God almighty, this goes in deep, man. It's edgy because I whisper the word.

Naughty Yeah yeah come here where'd you find the bravery to stand up for the side that everyone who buys your records has always been on for the last four years. Go on. I've always stood up for what's right. Whether that's investing heavily in small businesses like Facebook, making sure people in Africa know it's not a good thing.

It's Christmas. It's power to the people. Toute, yeah, yeah. Digital download just seven ninety nine. I'm just in awe of the fact that you just you're not holding back. I'm just gonna keep saying the unsayable like Come on. Children shouldn't suffer. Well, of course this is just the first half of the EP. What else are you gonna tackle in EP part two? I'm gonna wade into the really taboo subjects of Ireland's Mother God. The deposit return scheme. Oh yeah.

It's a mean inconvenience for my housekeeping team. Yeah, sure. What else? Enoch Burke. is a bit of a jerk. Go on, yeah. Dublin Metrolink by now, I think. Mother God, that's gonna have them out in the streets, man. There's also a rap with Ed Sheeran. Oh yeah. Did you think we the people would notice? The shrinking size of the boxes of roses. Yeah, funny.

Of course it's a rumour that you're gonna go after the real divisive issue that has driven people apart, driven families asunder, people going mad at Facebook with conspiracies and so on. You know, and I can see both sides of the debate. Can you? Even the ones that say Get them out. Ah no. And I urge Lyons and Barry's tea drinkers to stop the fightin' Come here. Sometimes the obvious is the most

profound thing of all. Really? And I'm all in favour of being found. Yeah. I'm for it. I'm profound. Bono of you too. So brave. Thanks a million. Good luck. Bye bye. Yeah yeah yeah. Go on, go on. Yeah, cheers. Good luck.

Lads. Yeah, it's a great we have sports to escape to when everything else is so grim out there. Absolutely. You need a break from all the geopolitical instability, elites operating sex offender rings, rise of the far right. Yeah, we just want to have a laugh like Totally.

So where do we want to begin to assess twenty twenty six so far in sport? How about FIFA's Gianni Infantino wearing a MAGA style hat at Trump's inaugural board of peace meeting um which he attended alongside other noted peacemakers such as Tony Blair and Jared Kushner. Sorry, I thought sport was a respite from all this crack. Yeah, too real, man, too real and dwell on FIFA's history of corruption in case we jinx our World Cup chances, you know. Exactly.

If the Flex beat us, then we can properly slight FIFA and the tournament. How about the fallout from Man United owner Jim Ratlip's comments that the UK has been colonized by immigrants? Absolute downer, man. Yeah, let's go to something that's not a downer. That's Ireland and the Six Nations. Ah man, it was like the Easter Rising, but this time we won. Ah, we've waited years to be obnoxious in victory.

It's like nearly emotional man. Emotion. Yeah, the English press are taking so badly they're not even giving Ireland any credit, just saying that the team surrendered to us as if they were French. A nineteen forties analogy that isn't working so well in twenty twenty six. Since the French are on Grand Slam territory. Absolute ghost. He's even got a ghost. I don't think that's a goaty yet.

Except that only a week ago we were saying the man took a sabbatical for a lion's jolly and he let us go to shite. Yeah, but roby coaches are like civil servants, you know, no one ever calls for them to be sacked no matter how cac Yeah, like this isn't soccer. We don't call for people's heads. Alright, so how safe is Jack Crowley at number ten after Prendergast was left on the bench? What do we think? Well, I'm all in on Jack Crowley based on nothing but vibes.

Don't ask me for any actual analysis or the next match. Next Friday at eight PM in Dublin. Ah, Friday evening, lads. Six Nations fixtures are all messed up this year. We want weekend afternoon kickoffs. One hundo. I mean it's the last possible occasion that makes it acceptable to have pints at lunchtime, other than a christening.

I love christening points. Right. Well after the break we talk Ireland versus Israel. No, it's too serious, man. Okay, strike that. Arsenal's chances of bottling the Premier League. Yeah, and then we're going to go. Banter, banter, banter, banter. Shout out to our sponsors, banterbet.com. Always gamble. Um sorry, did you forget the word responsible?

It's pathetic, I mean they can't even land a glove on us over our confusing Ukraine stance.

Now if there's nothing else Hold on a second, you hardly thought we weren't gonna ask you about the Dublin Central by election, hey? Well, Mash, I dunno we Reports are that the grassroots rebelled against your parachute candidate. No no, listen, I am chilly shit for Janice. Um boylin. She finished eleventh out of thirteen candidates the last time. Behind even Claire Daly. So yeah.