Keir in Cork and Six Nations Scot and Awe

O Ryan Turnapee. Oh yeah, your man he's the most famous exile since Saint Patrick himself. Never off his Instagram, grinning maniacally as if everything's okay. Can't say I don't know the feelings. Listen, your career has all the future of an egg sandwich at a wake in a heat wave. Sorry. I'd recommend going on his books podcast. Oh. I mean the hardest question he'll ask you is what's your favourite cozy crime novel? That's good to know. How are you feeling about your meeting with Powter Snake?

Pure dreading it. My chakras need a right shaken back. The media and the flopposition won't be happy unless I go full U Grant in love actually and call the president a bully, a bully. When you're meeting Trump, you've got to remember the three N's Yeah, go on. Stay nervous.

Look nauseous. Whatever he says nod along. It's what I do every time and we have a fantastic relationship. What do you want the boats? What? He was he was after calling you a loser last week, like you that you're not Churchill no that you've no Riz. You're a damp biscuit. That's more or less what he said in terms of Well at least he knows that I exist.

Be hoop. No no no no no he knows exactly who I am. He thinks Conor McGregor is the PM of Era. Wake up. Well listen, I'm gonna go in there. All turners cross bullock neck and I'll show him. All right. I'm going to give him that bowl of shamrock. And in return we get to give ten million of taxpayers' money to clear the US military's air traffic control bill over Ireland. On their way to bomb whoever they like back to the Stone Age. Or at least as far back as when Trump could last see his flying.

In terms of I guess we all have to kowtow in the end. Now, can I go kiss the Blarney stone? No no no no, you don't want that old blackabing. But the gift of the gab is exactly what I need.'Tis full of Americans. Imagine Yanks lining up to kiss that stone. I mean the last thing they need is to be able to gab even more. We should start off a new stone in Longford and bust them there. Force em to kiss the

Shut the feck up, Stone. It would truly be a mercy for the whole world, I won't lie, Mihaw, but what are we gonna do instead? Listen, I'm bringing you on a big Mickey night out. Brilliant, let's get sottled. Two half pints of beamish.

Bed by half past nine. You what? That's the worst news since kneecap got cleared again. Had a would you not drop that one? Have you not heard the song H double O Dis very catchy I have to say. No. It'd make you want to take your top off and course at the guards. That sounds

Horrible and dreadful. Have you ever heard of Tenora? Tanora No, I haven't. Oh, you're in for a treat here. I can't wait. Let's do this. Let's hit the town. Two lads without a care in the world nor a political future between them. Could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Oh friends.

Starting pistol fired for some reason. Our Jerry is up and running. He's also issued a statement denying responsibility for the shot fired, urging anyone with information to come forward. Coming up to the first fence, plausible deniability, no problem. Our Jerry has cleared it very neatly indeed.

Landing well clear of the question put to him there by the Stewards. Defamation action is now surged ahead. Surged cracking the whip, forcing the rest of the field to tread very carefully. The Ra is still running just on the inside rail, but plausible deniability moves between the Ra and the Ra. R. Jerry, who's not looking behind him. R. Jerry's eyes firmly on defamation action now leading the field. Rounding the bend now past statute of limitations corner. R. Jerry's looking very covered.

from here in the commentary box the crowd are on their feet, the binoculars are out as they cross the line and they lock together. It's hard to tell a photo finish between R. Jerry and the ra There may be a steward's inquiry into the use of the whip during the closing stretch there. There's every chance Defamation action could once again be awarded the win. Defamation action taking the spoils in this big money champion rewriting history stakes after all. More from Cheltenham Lake.

Rustigut I came to formally de register independence for change as a party, your greatness. Your whole That's not necessary, Mick. Now please stop bowing. Your hair is dripping all over the lovely new camp. I can't take it to the man in Europe anymore and sure now even you've gone mainstream, huh? Sorry now. I've remained leftist and humble as ever. I still live in state housing. I mean look around. Whoa lot of space in here.

Have you had any hooty rebels around yet, Catherine? That is not on the cards now, please. No. The best I can hope for is the Galway hurling team. Ah, you've lost your edge, Catherine. Tell me, how are the cats that I gave you? Shh!

Don't tell anyone that now, please. The cats will hear you. Mick and Claire do not know that Then I'm the one who gave them to you. Exactly. I'll say nothing, especially for the media on the hunt for for comparmat. You see, this is the sort of thing that frightens people, Mick. Stop the allusions to Russia You need to get back to basics and reach the common man a bit less.

Kremlin, a bit more crumlin. What is this now? Oh Do you witch the people's president on shot? Minister for Finance reporting for duty to fire a warning shot across your bow. Pew pew pew Oh dear, I thought I had blocked this number. Who are you talking to right now? Well I am the one who blocked I suppose you're calling about how I said Trump's war is illegal. It's true.

You strayed into enemy territory which are inflammatory comments suggesting that international law be respected. Oh please. That is not my government's position. My government, what gives you the right to issue statements of such common sense, president? The Bunrock.

Baby All right, good point. Now why don't you get back to your chat GPT summaries on how to run an economy? Mic drop, slay. How very dare you. I work tirelessly consulting all of my briefs. Three bullet points a day. Oh yeah, bullet points. Yet more military rhetoric Dam Which I vehemently condemn. Now if you don't mind, I have important matters of state. Good day. Very important So such as Yes.

Patrick's junkets. Mr. Harris goes to Paris. Ah, please. So basically I'm watching Diddley Dowsa and pretending stew is nice. You? I'm having tea with a litrum litter committee. Wow. We get paid six figures for this. God, I love this country. Good day, Minister. Bye.

Feeling disco frisky. Uh how's the atmosphere then build up? Well the real fans, the true blue Leinster generational wealth rugby supporters, Des, they're here. They're feeling like they've won already. Yeah. Because they brought their scarves and they brought their trophy wives.

I hope they brought calculators and spreadsheets'cause it's hard to It's simple to work out, Des. Ireland hope to come away with at least a triple crown. They face the winners of the Calcutta Cup before the battle for the wooden spoon. Then for some reason we have to shout for England around dinner time. It's gonna be a long day.

We could really do it at least a single crown of turkey to get us through. Yeah, are there any Donny bros there to talk to? Oh yes, of course, some people here. Let's talk to Joe Bloggs. How are you feeling about our chances today? We gotta get behind the lads. Soft hands spread it wide, you know, man like a broadcast that. How about you? There's a man here with a green plastic cowboy hat in. So far the lads like have been really welcome and helping. Yeah, what school did you go to?

school days. You have a rich uncle. Right, let's talk to this man here, Des uh you there with the Nordy Tato. Hello. Yes, may I help you? Good afternoon. It's Marty for more tea. I know how to party. Oh the Dublin media. Well I hope you all realise that Ireland's most successful

As the only one that includes Ulster. There'll be no six nations without the King's six counties. You guys haven't had a good player since Trimble. There is no call here to attack the late Lord David Trimble, thank you. Andrew Trimble, who's David Trimble? Excuse me.

Like Coleslaw on the same plate as the lasagna. Let me tell you some famous faces here as well, Des from long ago. It looks like Podge and Rodge if their faces were pressed against a window. You don't want to hear about George Hook, long time no sea. What ails you? Stupid cyclists blocking up the roads for Maritas Mercedes Benz. Careful you nearly ran over Ivanabach. Well to some of the blame not falling on the person who puts themselves in danger.

A yes Uh now I think you should retire that soundbite by now. It is retired and so should all of the RT rugby paddle, which is just full of Wumbling Nambi Pambi Bloody Morods. Lovely talking to you, Tor. Jumperheads. The lot of them. Six nations in it. Eight hours to go. We're up all night. But will we get lucky? Give me a taxi, will ya?

All fruit should be like Ray Darcy, bald and bitter. Now, my friend, Arts carries Jessie Buckley, Oscar Toster. Absolutely, and we wish her the best of luck, Marty. Yes. That's it? Well what else? I'm not a fan of these Irish Tespians who go to England to play their trade. I mean why play the Bard's wife when you could play Joe Dolan's wife?

Is she too good for us as that is? Moving on, we've got Bugonia produced by Element Pictures, another great hope. Did you see it, Minister? Well, Bugonia, I think we've a chew with that at home in the press is for coal sores, isn't it? Maybe you missed it. How about the Irish animated short? Retirement plan. Is that the yoke with the fella talking about all the things he'll do when he retires? That's right. Beautiful film.

We're not here to subsidize you reading poetry and dozing under the guise of meditation. Stop it. I won't. Paul Meskell, of course, sadly snubbed this year, but he's getting to present an award on the night. Well done. Yeah, another one who went off to Cessna. Whoaf Actors are worse than doctors for emigrating. They should be required to do a year on Fair City so I get the value out of them. Like a form of military service. That's right. Conscription to Carrigstown. Now you're talking.

All told, I wonder what's your favourite of this year's Oscar films, minister? Well, let me see, I saw half of F one on a plane. That was very good now. I fast forwarded through all the romancy bits of Kerry Condon and just watched it. Proper film like. And I wonder whose idea it was to have a minister for arts and sport.

is Ain To the Story of One Man and his boy fighting against woke and imagined cultural crises brought to you by Facebook induced psychosis. Barry Remind us exactly who our Ain to Well me Hod, they're led by the Lucinda Creighton of Sinn Fein Pader Tobin, who left over appealing the eighth and has lurched right on many issues. A political stance some call Finafault Classic. Wow. Their TDs, uh Tobine, of course, and Paul Lawless, a younger, greyer Tobin from Mayo.

ten councillors, yes even Wexford, and a very active youth wing on WhatsApp. This week they convene their RDES in that Aldi version of Kildare The county of Leash. It was wonderful to see so many anonymous internet commenters outside the house for the first time in years. And while there, Tobin speculated about dozens of TDs in the future and a

But the conference isn't the only story this week. Deputy Tobin addressed the enormous waste in our public services but happily contributed to an enormous waste of everyone's Times when a Dublin zoo ad featuring James Patrice appeared. Patrice, of course, known for his role in RT's musical body gyration contests. Dancing with the stars, Barry. He featured in the advert dressed as a character known as a woman adjacent to Malahyde and wearing cosmetic products described as being

Sculpted by Amy. And Tobin, in an effort to sound like a serious figure who doesn't spend too much time on the internet, accused the Azoo. of being part of deleting the very clear important roles that mothers play in our society. Mothers All words that sound serious individually.

Let's keep an eye on this'cause later in the year Ain two will likely call for a boycott of a musical society's Cinderella which has cast two men as ugly sisters. Nobody loves wedgey politics quite like Ain too. And that's all from the betwixt. The Sheets of a Story Podcast. I always thought Lahan and Barry would be a better name. Be sure to follow RTE's other current affairs podcasts, such as. The men behind the newswire. The story behind your inside story. I'm telling

Somewhere I can get my Mike Lotus on with spritzes and sun hat. It's time for the big reveal. Brazil! Back in the nest! It's everything I fear. Germany! Oh, stinger! What's the word? Uh shaggin freud! No. Whatever it is, that's what I have for you right now, Jen. Agenda in Germany is a St. Patrick's Day gala lunch in a windowless hotel conference room. Might I just say Herr Minister.

It is wonderful to celebrate the strong bonds between Ireland and Deutschland. However, I disagree. What? I don't believe we have enemy ties. Ah the Irish they travelled everywhere. But they didn't come to Germany and set down roots. It's something we're quite proud of, actually.

Lovely. I I know there's a massive community of Irish graphic designers who live in Berlin, for instance. Oh yeah, I've seen them on the internet getting the shazer beaten out of them by the police eye at Palestine protests. I. Uber amusing. Schnitzel? Nein. Double Vodka. Oh dear. Meanwhile.

Llam the darmy face. Don't know what's wrong with these Brazilian. Back in Germany, Frau Carol McNeil meets local health care To see a consultant species. I know yeah, yeah. It's really terrible. We are very ashamed. We are ashamed most of the time here in Germany. What about your Ickel country and special? Months Yes it's months and that's a good thing.

The best case. What? There are eight hundred and seventy-seven thousand people on the waiting list. Oh goodness. Paddy really is inefficient. I know. Your health service is fucked bar. Excuse me? No wonder we had to take over your economy. Huh? It's time for the final I've just had the worst luck. First I get health, then Germany. At this rate, by the time I'm Tishak my path. Visit to the IMF to beg for another.