Rita + Rachael

we are gonna guide you through this podcast. We're gonna listen to interviews between other grandmothers and grandchildren, and Rita and I will also have an episode each of us with a grandchild, and we will comment between us what reaction we have from those relationships. And you can picture us standing on an assembly line eating chocolate, just like Lucy and Ethel, except that instead we are living. You come and tell you on I'm gonna be eating those candies. Boys.

We throw out opinions like they throw out candy. Jewish grandmothers are a thing. We're an emotional culture. Well yes, but that could be an Italian grandmother too, except that they put red sauce where we put white sauce. I mean, that's really as my mother would have said, Taka, who wouldn't have wanted a Jewish grandmother. There's a bunch of love, there's a bunch of food, there's a bunch of acceptance. It's a bunch of Jewish guilt. Very struggling, but it

still comes out. What are we gonna here today? This is gonna be my first podcast with my granddaughter Rachel, and I think it's gonna be very enlightening. Well, she's a lucky girl. Let's listen. Rita is my grandmother, my best friend I remain. She's ninety years old and she lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She wasn't born in Manhattan, though. The minute I opened my mouth, they know it could be the Brooklyn or seven one

eight queens. Remember when we went to Harris and they started speaking Spanish to you and then you open your mouth and then they realized they were dead wrong or they think I'm a Chatian just because of my hair is stuck. Rita is vivacious, she's fun, she loves life, and she loves her family. Most of all Rachel for this besides my grandchild, she's a great girl. She's kind and she's unassuming and she's not a fancy cron She's just a down to earth and I'm very smart. I

honestly tell people I think she's my best friend. Like I tell her everything. I always say to have Rachel, you're my favorite grand doing it. But she really is my favorite person. And I tell her things that I wouldn't tell my mother. What can I tell me? She's got to get the jewelring? Rachel? Are you? Where are your ear rings? I don't know if these are yours? Oh? Now she wears little jewelry. I big jewelry, not fancy,

but you know, makes a statement. If you wear pizza jewey you want to that, Well, that's pretty you are? You know? I can read a mom because growing out, my mother called her mom and we ended up calling her mom out of invitation, and it just kind of stuck. Ellen, who's Rachel's mother, became mommy and I'm mom. So people say, how do they know? I said, don't want me? They know whose mom and whose mommy. It's funny, such a short grand that's such a brand. It's a spectacle of sorts.

It is it is. We're a full foot at least a foot different at least difference. She gets a hide from the father and she gets the brain from up. Then we listen. If Rachel's not embarrassed, I'm not embarrassed. I can never be embarrassed if you read it. But it's funny. We do like family things we do things were fun. We go to the museum together, we go to show together. We go to trade to Joe's together. We go to trade to Joe's because I have a big wagon and she can't reach the wagon. You know,

I take my shop and kind of go to that. Bachel, I missed you. I get you can't go to train to joke, I think we have similar interests, different tastes in music. I'm trying to expand your TV show, trying to get her into APA. I'm trying to get you into Netflix. Oh yes, you put me up Crown. We will watching, Yeah, But the thing is she doesn't remember which episode she's seen, so we have to watch the

episode to figure if she's seen it. And then weeks go by and she begets how to log in, and then I come back and show her to do it and forget all over And I'm very bad. You kids grew up with them I mean that you learned the computer in school, in kindergarten. It wasn't until I graduated I moved in with her out of circumstance that we discovered each other as like adults. And we've been having a great time ever since. I said Rachel. I had this huge, king size bed, so any time you have

come to the city, stay over. But she started to do. She lived with me for six months and it really has, Rachel said, celidified our relationship. Every night she get into bed and we had a little book. What was the name of the book. It was like chicken suit for the soul. And every night she said, you're ready for a story tonight, mom. But Monday night was a special night because we used to do the the Sunday Times puzzle out of my leg. She come home and the

ones I couldn't get. Rachel look at the puzzle. Two minutes she had the whole thing done. It's such a sweet, good relationship. What a voice. I'm telling you, you guys gotta be nuts to want me on the podcast with that voice. The voice is one thing. The personality is something entirely. They're not seeing the person unity just listening to that voice. That's all right. The personality comes right through the voice. Oh my god. I think they discussion

between by true myself, Ellen, and you'll remark. I think it was very natural and it is what it is, the way we are together. Her granddaughter has read a pegged to a t there's a Yiddish expression. Voice is often long, is often tongue. What's in your heart is on your lips, and that's reader. She says what's in her heart. And that's what I love about and the most well, it was meant to be. That's how I feel like this podcast was meant to be. Our friendship

was meant to be. She's one of the best people I ever knew. Okay, I'm reading these part titles and I see part one is Rida plays potsy and other things modern kids don't know about. I know what potsy is. Let's listen. It was so different growing up. I mean, it was a lovely neighborhood and nobody was afraid that kids would get kidnapped. We didn't have an iPhone, we

didn't have a Pewter. We used to play school. Today, the kids I can't stand if they sit them, it's like another arm in this time is a phone and they don't let that phone die. These are kids where they need to phone. They have such important business that they're waiting for a client to call. No, they don't have imagination. Everything is in front of them. What can I tell you? I don't know if you think I'm long or I think i'm I am I right, it's different.

You're right. You have to see a kid doing jump rope never I see him all the time. What are you talking about in the park? You live near the park, go to the park roller skating and we used to roll estate people still roller scheme. I'm I don't know what to tell you. You You just gotta look out to play potsy. Potsy is where you make numbers on this and then you have arrested the end you throw your part. Are you talking about hop scotch hopscotchs the cold party?

Just because you don't do it, does I mean other people aren't still doing it? Yeah? We used to play with the housekey, not a rock well whatever didn't roll? You know a rock sometimes roll. We used to listen to the radio, not television. And you can't imagine the whole thing in front of you. My gal Thalan Stella Dallas, and you can imagine the settings. Well it's interesting you say that because now we've come and basically full circle

with like podcasts, it's all audio their storytelling. Yeah, no, that's good. Thinking doesn't kill you. What did you and your friends do for fun? We can. Junior high we had a club and it's called the Audisans, which if you look at it is Sinatra backwards. We were thirteen girls. We were all Snata fans. There was a social club just to have parties and I'm bike boys at the Paramount Theater on Broadway right, Sinatra just just sitting there.

The thirteen of us would go down at six in the morning with lunch bags and we would sit in the theater all day. You know, they figured people alive with the first show, but we had our lunch so we didn't get it was fabulous. Well, Rita and I have a little age difference, but I do remember a lot of the things that Rita was talking about. We did jump rope, and we did play house, and I mean technology was when I was sixteen years old and got my own princess phone. I used to sit on

the phone with my little girlfriend. We used to talk back and forth. That was a big deal. So one day I said to Rachel's mother, it doesn't Rachel have friends. Mom, She said, they don't talk on the phone anymore. They text. But talking to a little girlfriend on the phone, it's so different than texting back, and it's more personal. There's much more when you hear a voice. It's certainly more personal than when you're looking at words. And you know

if your friends in a bad mood. If she said, if she's glad, if she's being tell me you can always shoot you an emoji of an unhappy face that you know just how somebody is feeling today. I'm glad to see Peter. Don't answer it. Well, I don't know anybody in Melbourne. It's probably one of those commercial it's you know that. I actually got one of those calls that my grandson was in trouble and that I should send. Do you want to talk to I said, listen to me.

I'm tired of giving money for my grandson. He's such a bad boy. I said, you tell him to send jail. I'm not giving any more money. That was good. The next time I get one, that's a good lord, Ellen, I think we're gonna have to stop now we have to go to a commercial break. But don't worry, will come back because we got a lot more to say, right right, We always have a lot more to say. Next up we have part two, Part two med the Nudge. Tell me about your dad. I was closer to my

father than I was to my mother. I have to say. I in my and my father. He was very smart. He was the youngest of eight children, the only one that ever went to college, and in those years to go to college and his Jewish guard became a lawyer. He changed the name. I have to say. My maiden name was cavette K I v e t t. My father's name really was Kilowitz, but in those years you had to change your name. And he was sure. He was about five four, but he had a terrific personality,

and I kind of related to him. I was shut growing up, and it was sort of hard for me, and I made up my mind. Everybody said, oh, really, you got such a good personality. And I always think to myself, if I was a normal height, not sure, maybe I would have my personality because she got to make a way for yourself some way, and I did, and I always had a lot of friends, and it's what do you make of yourself? What about your mom? She wasn't very affectionate, I have to say this, and

she was very social. She had three husbands. My father died at six and in those years a woman is only recognized if she's with a man. The second husband was a very nice looking man, very immaculate. Always wore a navy blazer and its hair was like my cop was leaked back, really nice and they liked each other and he was a great guy. My sister and I loved him. He was such a nice guy. They were married for about eleven twelve years, and he died of

a heart attack. Okay, so she's single again. So now she's in her seventies again, she meets a man who we couldn't stand. My sister and I we call the medbinudge. He was like so invasive, ned the nutge was always around. We couldn't get rid of him. And he was cheap as cheap could be. He didn't drive, so wherever they went, she drove, she picked him up. I was with her. Once. They go to Philip and it comes to her and

he says, be where's your credit card for the guests. Well, I thought I would die my sister and I couldn't stand him. So he said, all right, just don't marry him. One Sunday morning, my sister comes nothing on my daughter. We don't. You won't believe it. What mother is marrying Ned. We chopped out of bed. What do you mean she's got to marry Ned? I can't believe it. So I said, well, we've got to make sure she at least signed a prenuptural rook, because she was much better off than he was.

So he said to my mother, and make sure you get a prenupt No, he's not like that. He's not like that. Mother. Yep, all right, I'll do it after we're married. Man, No, a prenuptural. You can't do him. Oh this is what said, I'd like to walk into a restaurant on the arm of the man's they do. Let's find an army man. So, given the option walking to the restaurant, Plissa say, let's give her and on.

And you know when once we're in a restaurant and there's a group of women sitting having dinner, joined themselves from my mother, looks like that. Isn't that a pity? I said, what, what's a pity? They're having a good time. There are four nice women enjoying dinner. I said, I'd rather be with four exciting, interesting women than one del husband. Well, you know, my parents were married until my mother was five years older than my father. Really, I never knew that.

Look at what comes up on the podcast. That's right, tell a girls this, it's a therapy. Things are coming out that it really is. Well, let me just say this, in order to make a living, you knew that there were certain Jewish prejudices, and today nobody changes their name. Matt movie stars, Jewish lawyers are held in high esteem. Jewish factors are held in high Some more funny names that you wanted to change. Because when I met Phil All his father's brothers had changed their name from Clinton

Stein to Kate. I said, listen, if you want me to marry you, you've got to change your name like your father's brothers. I'm leaving a lovely name, Cavette, and I'm going to go into Clint and start in no way. Well, I was always Ellen Bernstein, and we never changed except when we lived in Palm Beach. And when we lived in Palm Beach, there was such prejudice. It was really. Palm Beach was a terrible place. There used to be signs on the posts outside of housing develop it no blacks,

no Jews, and no dogs. I mean it was you know, it was. It was a time. But my my mother's best friend's last name was Goldener, and they used to make reservations in the name of rend Log, which was gold the spelled backwards. And my parents were the Burns. Just knocked off a little steine at the end of Bernstein. But um, I remember I was invited to a prom

in Palm Beach. This boy invited me and he said, and my mother knows that you're Jewish, and she said she didn't care, at which point I should have punched him in the nose and walked away, but I didn't. I bought a dress and I went to the prom. Look, things have changed, they really have. Things have changed. Nothing to do, Okay, Lena, this part is about giving dating advice. At this I can't wait to hear I come to

her for all technical things. I'm so stupid when all of these were from my computer, from my eye pods. She's very good technically. She could tell me anything I'll listen. I don't challenge her. Sometimes I don't agree, but we work it out. Were sort of on the same page today. Right way, chill, She's right, which is why when I was planning on going on a date recently, Rita was the first person I wanted to call about it. She did say to they, listen, don't tell my mother. I'm

going to go out on this day. And I don't think she even knows to this day. The reason I didn't tell my mom was because she's dying for grandkids all the time, so any chance of any romantic prospect she'll jump on. I said, listen, just go out and have a good time. Never go out thinking this could lead to something, because that's when it doesn't. Me and this guy, we had two class together. I thought he went off to law school. I wasn't even thinking about

him and I ran into him. He had mentioned drinks. I was getting a little ANTSI honestly, because I didn't know what it was and if it was a date, like, what was I gonna do? As I was walking to a restaurant, he like honked at me because he was pulling up in his car. I think I'd asked him like what his future plans were. And then he pulls out a necklace and the necklace had a ring on it, and he goes, oh, by the way, I'm engaged. So that was a little um blindsiding. I remember saying congratulations.

That was my first reaction, and a little bit of relief, I guess came across me because then I felt like the pressure was taken off the situation. But if you're going to find the happening of relationship with a young man, it's going to be pressure. You know. That thought upsets me a little bit. But I feel like if you go in and you're on a date and then you realize you're not on a that's kind of relieving, is

it not. That's true. No, that's true, But that a little bit of pressure you can handle it because you're going to be yourself no matter what. I feel like. It's a little bit hard to take that advice, though, because you're preaching after fifty years, sixty years of marriage, you didn't really have to try back then. What do you mean like the dating process is different than it is now? Well, I guess so because women are already dependent, they have careers. My career was when my mother sent

me to colleges to find the husband get married. None of my friends had a Korea. We all got married. That was a career, right, and so your dating process wasn't so selective. I guess I think it's hot whis true because I see so many terrific young women single. All my friends were married, and that everyone was such a terrific or you know what I mean. And my day you didn't leave, You stuck it out and made it work. And that's the way it was. I don't know what she meant by you didn't have to try.

You did have to try. You had to try very hard. Look, I think it's hard for young people today to meet the right person, and I did so much pressures. Today life is not easy. It's complicated for these young people, and Dada life was complicated for us. To finding that person who wants to find you is complicated. My parents expected certain things. I mean, what is his family like? Does he have siblings? And today I don't think that's

one of the first questions that are parent desks. But today these are grown up there in their late twenties, they were established, say know exactly what they want. When we got married. The truth of it is, at twenty one, you don't know who you are. You found somebody you thought was nice, came from a night family. I think that some things have split out in importance while other things have exactly religion, is this that's true as it was. And you don't have to love you in laws. I

mean you may not even see them. They could live in California. You see them once you listen. It's their life if and that's all their life. That's how I feel. And they get married, they get married, they don't get married, they don't get married. If they're gay, they're gay. If they're straight, they're straight. Whatever they are, I love them and they should be happy, and that's all that matters to me. I agree a hundred thousand percent. Don't go anywhere.

We're just going for a quick commercial break. We'll wait for the commercial. But it can't be as important, there as much fun as what we have to say. I don't know that will love that when I call them. I'm not stopping me. You can get away with anything. This part is about reader finding herself and what might have been and and actually what is and what I know we did it to be now so tell me about when you went to college. I really became an

independent person at that time. I just sort of found myself. I was sure, and I had some problems and I had no self confidence. My parents just put me on the train, when I think now that was crazy. Parents drive their kids up in a car and get them set up. I went all by myself. I managed. They put me in a freshman dorm with great girls that I made great friends, and I survived. And that was sort of a turning point for me when I realized, you know, you're not such a terrible person, You're a

pretty good independent person. Did your parents have any other expectations of you besides to get married? No, that's that's the one thing. When I met your papa, I transferred home from living in a door to go into n y U commuting on the subway. I just couldn't take it. And never forget. I had a breed Ancient history of thick book and I went crazy and I called my parents up and I said, that's it. I'm leaving n y U. I'm not finishing and I left, which was

so stupid. I had like another year to finish college. I would have loved to have been a lawyer. My daughter wanted to be a lawyer, and she is a lawyer. I encouraged her they could have done that because it was a good student. I had good graves, and I think I would have been a good lawyer. But that was never that. It was just to get married and have kids. So how do you improper meet? He was

a blind date. I had a friend that worked in a buying office, remember when they used to have buying offices rare, and Phil's sister worked in a buying office. They arranged a blind date and that six months we got engaged. And when was my rush? I don't know. Now, you know what in those years, if you weren't married by twenty one, you were considered an old maid. Today now who gets married at twenty one? This is something

that's very a new look. I was a virgin when I got married, and then when I got married, had the baby, and you stayed at home and whatever your husband made you got along on it. And we were married for sixty six years, three children, a son and two daughters, and it was a good marriage, not perfect, but it was good. But I have to say, she's so much smaller than me. At her age than I was. What could she augues things so rationally? And because I

think it's because I graduated college. Maybe I mean you want I'm sorry, I didn't mean to no, no, no, no, no, listen, but I'm saying if we swapped, if you grew up in my age, you would have had the opportunities that well maybe maybe I think it just a matter of circumstance. Don't discount yourself for you to You're very smart. Is that nice for a granddaughter to say about her grandmother. When my girls went to college, I said, listen, you got to get out with something that you could be

independent and make a living for yourself. Don't have to be lawy on everybody for it, for every penny in your pocket. And thank god they both have careers. Your mother residental Hygiani's Laney's a lawyer and whatever. And then you also got a job as a bookkeeper and then a credit manager, and you really reinvented yourself. After your kids offer college, I would have been good. And whatever I decided to do. Of course, I'm not stupid and and I'm not razy, and I have to have something

to keep my mind. A lot should you get a job now yeah not yeah that right night in the middle of they're looking for the night year O for what. Poor people can't even get their own jobs. Listen, you can volunteer and do things. That's true. See this is where Rita and I, but with the difference in our just we comes. Yes, that's true. I went to college because I wanted to get an education. I didn't go to meet a man. No, I don't. I don't mean that this. And I went to college too. But if

you weren't married by twenty one, you were already. I think that there's so much more equality today. Reader. I mean, women are not second class citizens. No, that's true. Women, they're not expected to just be a mother. The funny part of it is I first went to work when my kids went off to college. But when I think back now, I probably could have had a nice career into something because whatever I did, I was quite capable. I didn't realize. You know, you don't know yourself. Tell you.

Hillary Clinton got in trouble when she was running. She said I'm not a woman that stays home in bags, and it was like a put down. But it all depends on you. It could be very fulfilling. Being a wife and a mother ray th kids today is not an easy job. It's a full time job. There's nothing to look down on. I think today that there's a lot more competition between men and women. I think that women are as equal in business intelligence, let's put it that way, and know how as men. However, in these

big corporations. In my end, Laney works for her, you know, a big bank, because he's got a big job. She's the only one there that's a woman. She's a managing director of the bank. She is not making what the men are making. There's still disparities. I hate to say, you know, I hate to say it. And then most of the women, like you say, are smarter than the men. It's I think women have a certain savvy that men don't have. It's the biological thing. They just see things

a little bit differently, on a different level. Absolutely, this part is about what being a grandmother means. To read that, and I have a feeling that you're gonna see it means everything in the world to her. Being a grandmother was very defining for me, I have to say, because my three children didn't get married until they were thirty four, where were your sixty three. Yeah, so that's late in

life to be a grandmother. My mother is older than that and she doesn't have grandchildren, So I don't know what if she's more anxious for grandkids than you were, but she's gonna have to wait longer that I have no control over. Well, if you'll be married, you'll be married. And if you won't be married, we'll still love you. What can I tell you than Yeah? What do you think about? Like your grandkids and how we turned out?

I love my grandkids, that all great kids. They're healthy and they're normal, and that's all you can ask for at this stage. They're growing up in hard times, though. I have to say, if this pandemic goes much longer, it's gonna do damage to the kids that they don't realize and they're missing out graduations and whatever. It's said, It really is sad. Is there anything that would be a deal breaker with our relationship? Nothing? Nothing, nothing good

to know nothing. Listen. I'm going to all of you guys, no matter what, and the problems they are all just have to live with. That's it, and you accept each wonderful what they are. It's is nothing that will come between my relationship with my Grandshiuldren. I think that being a grandparent is being a rock. It's just being there. I think that it's a soft place to fall. Listen. I don't say murder or or killing somebody, but that's not in their nature. You know what I mean. You

have to be realistic now read. I would say, look how she holds a knife. Look even if they get married and I don't, I don't I like the person they're married. I would you know, I'm not gonna step in andto Oh maybe I would say something all and that that I think about. You could tell? You could tell me rita very kill? What was my past word from my apple? I d I forgot already. Only when you get a chance, lay Chel, it's mom, it's too dirty.

I just had your phone activated and I picked up the bottom of it and there was a whole charger and everything in there. I didn't have to buy one. Okay, I'll stick to your latest we got. Thanks for the phone. They called me. That phone is seven dred. I couldn't believe it. All right, thank cant credits? You want me to say the word credits? Core Your Grandmother is a production of I Heart Radio and superb Entertainment. The hosts of the show are me Rida Ka and me Ellen Bernsdy.

Created by Merrow Poster, produced and directed by Annis Stump, with producer apples Afar and associate producer Emily Marina, managing producer Lindsay Hoffman, music and mastering by Hamilton's Lighthouser and Annis Stump. The executive producers are Merrow Poster, Nikki I Tore and Mangesh Hachi Okay, let me start again. I've been practicing and I also the cock team and Mangesh Hachikadua. Don't forget to rate and review us or we will be very disappointed. So let us down. Leave us a

five star review on Apple Podcasts. What are you waiting for? Rate and review? What's already Highway shows? Mom? I'm sorry to bother you extensive in I got the flush light on on my cell phone and then know how to turn it off. I don't know how I turned it on, but I can't turn it off. Cool me back. I don't know how I'm dead. It was Everything else is good. I hope it's good with you to love you bite ye