Hi and welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and you know my sidekick, Madame Lev. Me. Good morning. Good morning. Good. Morning. How are you, lady? I'm I'm doing pretty good, pretty chip chip Puray, I don't know. You did. That was fabulous. That was great. Oh wait, that's Australian. Yeah, you go Australian real quick. That's too funny. My husband, when he starts doing the British accent, he can't fucking do it.
And I'm like, your grandmother is from fucking Manchester, like. Hello, just copy her. Wait, does he do it like as like a stemming? Well look, his grandma passed so she's not around anymore, but she had an adorable little accent and what the fuck is stemming? Like when you're have ADHD you'll just be like like just randomly blurred out in a different accent. No, we just randomly do shit like this and we start talking and I'm like, hey, give me your best, your breast. I'm going to you.
Blah blah blah blah, give me your best British accent and he cannot do it and I'm like my God. You're I want to hear him do it now. Oh, it's terrible. I love it. It's to where to laugh at him. It's almost like Chinese meets meets American. Like I'm like what the fuck is that? I can't wait to hear. That is not British, but I did see a video of, you know, Princess Diana. God, she was incredible.
And I know this is kind of like before your time, you know, when she got married in the 80s and every I. Watched all the documentaries. Did you? Yeah. See. So, you know, you appreciate it. But I saw in her funeral where Queen Elizabeth broke protocol and actually bowed to her, you know, And I was like, oh, that's so sad. So sad. Seemed to be like she was like this lovely, beautiful woman and yeah, life to be taken so early. We're talking about British accents.
And then you showed me that picture. God. So Liv decides to fuck with my brain this early in the morning, where's my coffee? And tells me, oh, doesn't this look like Cookie Monster? And it's a picture of this woman's crunched up stomach meets her big ass titties and she thinks it's sexy and she's got like, fucked up areolas. So almost look like the Cookie Monster with the googly eyes. Not that's yeah, her areola was like too far over. Way far over.
It was weird, I'm watching a nipple that offset and maybe if they were both offset it made sense, but they're both in two different spots on her boobs so it looks like cookie monster. Like a little crosshair. Well, you know this lovely woman. You have not met her yet. OK. She usually comes to all of our events. Super great lady. She actually had a breast augmentation done from this
local surgeon. Well, she didn't do her research because I he's got lawsuits against him and he fucked up her titties. Now they're big, they're plump, they're very pretty, but both of her nipples are facing the wrong direction, like they go outwards instead of forwards. My mind go outward instead of forwards just naturally and see my. Brother-in-law, really I OK. Slightly. I'll show you later. OK. And so. Don't give me that face. There's like a little disgusting flop. No go.
OK me this way it's. OK, you can show me your titties. I will. My fucking left titties killing me this morning. Let. Me see it? I don't know why you're sick. But anyway, so then my brother-in-law, he goes the same fucking surgeon and he, they fucked up his nose bad. Yeah. And I was like, you guys need to get your shit checked. Like you need to do some Google searches and they didn't do fucking Google searches on this fucker. But that's scary, Yeah. Those are two very important
parts of your body. So Liv and I, we were talking just a few moments ago and we were saying that she was always naked as a kid. Yeah, it was. Well, I was too. He was. You're welcome. I think we are. We are a lot more like. We are a lot like we really are, but I I started putting clothes on by the time I was 6. Oh, I was like 16, yeah. No, no, because I had. I was in my room, I never was outside of my room.
Like people knew that I was naked so knock on the door and not cover up or my sister would just barge in and she wouldn't give 2 fucks. She was like, all right, there's naked on her chair. Gotcha. Well I always slept naked so you know people would know that about me too. Did you sleep naked too? No. I. Was like, I'm still not over the Austin Powers. I fucking love Austin Powers, but I love it when he goes. Gives me the ebb jeebies. He really gave Mike Myers.
I think he's so fun. He's fine. For sure, but he still gives me the ebb jeebies. Ohh well he I think his character is supposed to give you perv vibes because he's a fucking perv in it. That's what he's supposed to be. Yeah, well, it gave me. It was right on cue, baby. But you know, for years I did not know that, that the actual scene where he has the Japanese twins come up to him and he said he's like, Oh my God, twins,
twins. Basil, you know, and she's like, my name is Fuk Yul. Her name is Fuk Me. Yeah, you didn't notice that Well. No, what? I didn't notice was that's Carrie Anne Arbar from Dancing With the Stars judge. Really. Yes. Wow, that was her. And I was like fuck Carrie Anne you big slut. That was great. She just, she did so great in that little acting scene. She should have done more. Yeah, she was always beautiful, honestly. But anywho, let's see, we're
being talked today. I was, oh, I was thinking about sex in general. We haven't you just all live space. Well, I mean, I'm thinking, you know, we're we both always like, you know, walked around naked and, you know, just being so casual. And I think that, you know, people put, you know, things in a sexual nature and sometimes they shouldn't.
But then I was my brain was going over to that cookie monster titty picture you sent me and then I was like, you know, I don't I'm not king shaming but people post pictures on fat that aren't flattering and I'm like you and I take multiple pictures of like one shot of 1 scene just to try to get it. Right. Yeah, at least one picture out of 50 would turn out right.
Yeah, and you know, but damn, some people just don't care when they post these pictures or they think they look really good and they don't. Yeah, I know. Or then is it just me being a superficial bitch and be like. Well, OK, so how I think about it is if they're feeling beautiful and it's their body, they can't really change certain things about their body. And if they're feeling beautiful, let them feel beautiful.
But I do not feel like Fetlife is for like, nudity, like where you're supposed to be for fetishes, not hey, let's fuck each other, you know, just get naked and. Well, you know a lot of them, they gear towards sex when they think BDSM. Well, I do think it's a very sexual game. Yeah, and I think that a lot of the guys on there, they want to show their Dicks. So it's still a sexual connotation, the women, you know? Yeah, we. Don't really need to see it though.
We don't need to see Dicks. Bite your tongue. I like to see Dick pictures. I just like to see classy. Dick pictures, classy Dick pictures, or even the ones where they're like caged up. Or have like really hard CBT? Yes. I really like seeing. Those. Yeah. Yeah. But you're like, kinky. It's still. But you know, so much of the BDSM that you do in the bedroom, I mean, it correlates back to sex. I mean, yeah, I guess you're right. You're just like I want to see
more BDFM not facts. Well, you know, I do like seeing it. I just wish that it was, you know, more more related to BDSM. Like I like the role play and I like not that I don't like seeing naked women. Yes, I'll be all about it. And I do like seeing dates. I'm just saying like, I don't know, I just I'd like to see more BDSM. Maybe I just didn't like people's start following different people or something. You want a little one-on-one class with Punky I?
Don't know who that is. Is that your cat? No, you would have met her at the party. Oh, wait. She is the big sexy blonde and she was doing a rope scene in the dungeon at one point, did you not? I was not in there. You were not in there. I saw people in the rope play, but it was so. Crowded. It was jammed. And like they, she really had an audience. And I was like, well, you know, OK, I just kept walking. I wasn't able to get, I wasn't
able to squeeze in there. I mean, even people were in the mud room like. We got to get her to rope class because. Like give her more room. 100. Percent, she's gonna have more audience to be able to see because I mean, yeah, short people in the back, people can't see. 100% well, we'll have to do that. She's. This class is on loud how you tie and yes, I didn't be a great thing and her name. 'S who? Punky blonde punky. Blonde, yes. She's an amazing cat. Tiger Lily. Oh really?
Yeah. That is not my cat. That is my mother's. I do not claim that little fucker. OK, so my thought is punky. For some reason, no, my husband yesterday went out and he was getting the mail, taking the trash cans and putting them to the curb. Right. Well, he sees his poor little squirrel and we get big squirrels too. You know, a lot of the neighbors feed the squirrels and we're getting ready to put another feeder outside. But pretty. Little squirrel, he was so adorable.
And so he's laying there and, you know, my husband went up to make sure that he was OK. And so he he picked the squirrel up because my little Twila went up to smell the squirrel. And so he picked the squirrel up and he put it up over on this this ledge and he was looking at the squirrel and he's like, oh, you know, I think he's dead. And he knew then it had to be my mother's cat. And that little fucker, he snuck back around. He's like, oh, my God, where's
my meat? Where's my kill, you know? And he's like, oh, you know, he's like dodging things. He's looking around. He's like, where the fuck did he go? And finally he sees where my husband put it. And he jumped up on there and he got it. And he put it in his mouth. And I'm like, oh, you little fuck. And then, of course, my husband took pictures of it. I was like, God, he's like, yeah, I'm going to show your mother what a terrible cat you have. Terrible cat she has. Not me.
Terrible cat she has. Poor Kitty, this is just being a cat. I know, but still you know. You're thinking of like, like a movie, like a cartoon movie where the cat's always chasing the mouse or the mouse is the good guy. Oh yeah. Sometimes the cat could be the good guy and he's just chasing the mouse because that's what God made her to do. Look, I don't like mice. I really don't. I don't like brodens in general, but I don't want to see that.
And my thing of it is there's plenty of rats in the woods. It's like, go kill a rat that's still. Rats or mice? Yeah, they're disgusting. Don't kill a sweet, beautiful squirrel. They have a nice fluffy tail. It's a tree rat. They're so sweet though, yeah. Sometimes you know they're making nests in the wrong spots, or they're. Good. You know, they eat the acorns so we don't have to pick them up and they're cool. I love squirrels. OK. I I just fucking don't like rats.
They're disgusting. They're just a. Different kind of rat. They are. They're disgusting, but. OK. Anyway, so remind me I have to tell you a story about this after but anywho. But sexual aspects of you know BDSM and then we correlate it back to fetlife and and sex in general. So do you want to talk about a sexy story? Like what? Of sex. Like like my scenes? Yeah, but you and your real life. I think all my scenes are slightly about me. All right, well, how about this? How about this?
Because I, I was reading this article the other day and it was basically about how you connect with a new partner. Now again, we don't have to talk about my nephew. By all means, you can. You can. That's why you switched up real quick. I did. I have very clear on this. But I'm thinking about when you meet somebody, say it's a one night stand, right, you don't know it's going to be good. No. So my thing of it is there's certain things that guys should do.
They don't necessarily know to do these things, and considering that 70% of our listeners are men, they really need to know, hey, this is what you should do, yes. Vacation, yes, and then if they just know the right ways to touch a woman, even if you don't have good Dick, that person will remember you, yes, you know, just touched. Exactly what have been some of your experiences? Has there been like some fails, like oh God I'll never fuck him again? Oh yeah, all the time.
Men think they got it and then their shit don't stink or they're like, well, I'm never going to see you again, so I'm just going to get mine and not worry about anything. So it's just like, you know, just kind of gross. Did they tell you the story about, you know, when I'm touching this, I know the microphone's picking this up. I'm like thinking about Dick and feet and I'm rubbing my fucking. Big ass coffee cup. Yeah, OK. So. That was the noise you made.
I'm thinking of a big cock like. That's not what they sound like. Maybe if you like blow on the tip, you know when you like, you blow on a bottle. You know, like, like maybe and we'll try that later. Do I speak whales? I. Mean they come out like shoots up like a whale. Yes, spark or blowhole. God, there's so many topics we can go from here. We lately been talking about nothing and everything at the
same time. Fuck. OK, All right, so we're talking about sexual experiences, but I will tell you you brought up feet. OK, while you're thinking of your story, I'll tell you one of my stories. OK, so I went to meet a foot guy. I went somewhere to meet him and he reserved a room at a hotel. OK, so it was by a casino. So I told my mother. Did I tell you the story before I. Don't know, probably. But I told my mother and my sister-in-law, who will be your
potential mother-in-law one day. God, I'm so sorry. I told them. I said, hey, look, I'll drop you both off at the casino. I'm going to go over here and I'm going to meet this foot fetishist. I drop them off and I bring a big bag of shoes, different shoes that he can, you know, feel and do whatever else he does. In this session. I had this one pair of shoes. I, I've had them for years. I love them. They're like they're goldish,
copperish color. They're sequin, they're pretty and they're kind of open toed and they kind of open on the sides and that kind of thing. So I do the session and during the session he likes to take his Dick and rub it in the sole of my shoes. Now mind you he's got baby oil. I have baby oil all over my feet. He has baby oil all over his Dick. And then therefore my shoes are covered in baby oil on the inside. Now I wear a size 9.
OK, my sister-in-law is a 7 1/2. She thought as she sits in the back seat that she was just going to be nosy because she's very nosy since she goes through my duffel bag with all my shoes. And she's like why are you bringing all these shoes? And she says you know, I love shoes. Well of course she starts trying them on. Well the first pair I didn't even use for the session. She tried those on no issue. Second pair she tries on and she's like oh baby. Well she said why are they so
oily? I said, well, you just found a pair of shoes that he put his penis in and she's like, oh God. You know, I mean, it's kind of her fault. You can't be going through stuff like that. Yeah, so I'm like, why the fuck are you going through my shoes? In this bag, I think that's completely rude. Well, she was my babysitter when I was four years old. If my mom goes through my bag, yeah, it is rude, yes.
You have to at least ask, hey, is it alright if I go through this bag, you know, is there anything that's going to be? Uncomfortable. I'm telling you your soon to be mother-in-law has zero fucking boundaries. So. Sorry. Well, I'll say something. Yeah, so that's the kind of shit she would do. And then she, yeah, she went through them. And I'm like, well, you just had, you know, some Dick juice on your feet, but good for you. Consequences. Isn't that funny?
But you know the funnier part? She was so grossed out by it that a few years later she ended up coming to the dungeon and seeing the same guy in the dungeon with oil on her feet. Yeah. Turn of events, Yeah, girl. Oh, that's funny. Isn't that funny shit? OK, I didn't have a story when I brought up feet. No, not feet, but like one night stand. Oh yeah. What was your one night stand story? Like a like a good one.
Good or bad? I feel like most of them are bad because if they were good I'd keep them around. Well, my thing of it is so men can learn what they should do and what they should not do. We'll never. Ask, hey, does that feel good? That's so annoying that sit there and say no or yes or maybe just lie to not hurt your ego. Like I'm definitely not going to see you again, especially if I'm having to say no, but I'm not going to tell you no because that's going to hurt your feelings.
You don't want to hear that, okay? Because then you work. It's not hard enough. It'll break you a little bit. So don't ask that question. So do you ever give them instructions on what to do? Well, usually I don't let them do anything if they're the first time I'm doing it. I don't let them do anything that they feel like they have to learn how to do. Like if you're eating me out, you got to have some time there and I'm I'm using you once. I'm not doing it.
Unless you got like a really good kiss here and you're like, maybe they'd be good at it and just kind of let them do it. So First off, Liv is sitting on the couch with her legs spread. But she's covered up with a blanket. But she's facing me like, yeah, they're going to spend some time down there. They're like my Kitty cat much on a girl. Chew on my bubble gum. OK, so so is it safe to say you're a little submissive and bad? For sure. For sure. So roles are reversed.
You're you're submissive in bed. You're, you're telling him, do you give him instructions on what to do when it comes to like, oral pleasure? Well, if I know him, you know, you know, when you're submissive, you don't want to hurt their feelings you, but you want to, you want to have communication because you want to feel good eventually, you
know what I mean? And then if I keep somebody around, if I know this one's like, hey, this one's got a little bit of potential, I'll keep him around and then maybe I'll end up liking him. Or maybe you just wear just sex. Yeah. But yeah, then I start giving like, oh, do it right there. I'll like, move his head to where? It's supposed to be OK. All right, I get it. And I was gonna say you said something like you really don't even like your ass licked.
I don't like anal my my butt hole licked. It doesn't have any like nerves like that for some reason. Gotcha. I like the perineum or the tank or whatever you want to fucking call. I think it's a gross word, but. Perineum is better than tank. Yeah, Tank. Sounds so gross even for a guy.
Disgusting. But the little piece of skin in between both of them, I think it's like just close enough where it feels like when you're going to The Dirty spot, but it still feels good because it's got a bunch of nerves there. Yeah, All right. So aside from licking your taint, I said it just for you. Tainty. The tainty dainty, tainty, tainty. Tainty. Tainty. Oh my God, that's cute. You like that? Dainty, tainty. Yeah, I like that. And now I'll lick somebody else's ass.
Not a new person, yeah, but like if I'm close enough with them. Yeah. Definitely. I've like three guys, assholes in my life. OK, right on. I. Don't know, it's just nice to please them in a different way. I think so too. I think so too, and especially when you're giving them a nice little hand job. I was getting a blowjob, getting all that. Shit in the wet. Damn. Yeah. I'm pretty ruthless, right? I might seem innocent, but there is no innocents here.
It wouldn't work in my relationship if there was. Good to know, all right. The face. You know, if that's how you can win somebody over, honestly, when you're inside and, you know, because I think everybody has some type of, you know, sexual talent. Oh yeah. Like somebody be like, like, I have this one friend. Yeah, the girl I used to be sleeping with. Yeah. She can ride backwards on a Dick like nobody business for as long as you can go. And I'm like, I can't do that
once. Like I can't do it the way she does it at all, not even a little bit. I don't have that talent at all. But I give blowjobs like nobody's business. I'm with you. She can't do that, but she can do she can do some things and I can do some things. So if you put us both together, we're like the perfect. Woman, I bet right on. That's why it's good to have varieties, because there's some things I can't do. Yeah, I understand that. I understand. Like the gripper, I can grip a
little bit, but not like that. That was something else. Forever the Griswold gripper. You know what I'm sensing we need to have AT shirt made for her? Oh my God she would like this. She's so cute. Fucking love that the Griswold gripper and nobody will know. Nobody would know. Yes. And she would be able to just, you know, proudly wear that shit. Yes. She would love it, yes. OK, Yeah, that's what we'll. Do. We'll do that for. Her, Absolutely. Griswold Gripper.
We got to think of a cute little like. Name for him now? Yeah. Wait, who's the name for who? For her husband. I thought he was Griswold. Well, he's Griswold, but he's not a gripper. I've never met him. Yeah, you did. We don't like conceptual immuno. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, there. You go. I mean, there's got you've. Met him as a person but not as a sexual abject in bed. Yeah, I don't think I ever will though. No. Well, no, because your boyfriend
doesn't want you. I'm saying I've been around another guy naked and yeah, like sexually meeting them. But like, I'm not saying like I have to like fuck them. The No, that's true. I didn't. You can't really fuck a woman. But I can stick my finger in there and I'm like, God damn, You think he's got a tight asshole? He could be a gripper, too. I don't know about that. He's my dear friends. We don't discuss things like that about nothing. He has a special name for me. Uh huh.
So yeah. Oh, you're talking about like that. Yeah, we're very good friends. We're not sexual friends, but we're very good. No, I. Meant like the name that you were saying that you wanted to give them. It could have been not sexual. You didn't give me no context on that, so I was. Going on sex. This conversation was supposed to be all about. Sex it was. I don't know where we're on anymore. This is how we talk in real. Life, this is so. It's all over the place.
This is our conversations all the time. We have a little bit of structure when we're on the air. See, this is the thing when we do the video podcast, we really have to stay on topic. I know this is so hard. Yeah, you know? And it's OK because people kind of know that we kind of go fucking everywhere. But maybe they like that quality about us, I mean. That's, I mean, that's what we do. So I mean, and they like our podcast. Maybe we can get some comments on that.
Tell us what you think there. You go, there you go. I mean, we always get positive feedback. We really do now. I've had people at the very beginning, beginning years ago when I first started, I would laugh so fucking much at my old friend. And so I had to stop that. It's just like, it's really hard to not laugh at things. People were just like, there was one person, I, they wrote me a review and it's like, oh, that
hideous laughing. And I think it was somebody who I know who fucking hates me. Oh, I was like, that's what that's mean. I know. Well, yeah, because I was like, you know, everyone else that I've met, they're just like, oh, I love your laugh, but I'm like, you can laugh too much sometimes. Though Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's like repetitive and like kind of like obnoxious. Yeah, no one wants to hear that all the time. And I get it.
We're laughing all the time. We do, but sometimes I have to take out some of my laughter because it's a lot. Yes, it's a lot. See, I'm doing it again. Giggle. You have a cute little giggle. Thank you. I think you're partial though. Let's get back to tainty. OK, Dainty, tainty, dainty, tainty. OK. So yeah, I wouldn't say necessarily I gosh. You don't like any part of yourself like down there. Oh yeah, no, I'm good with oral, trust me. I'm saying like on your butt. Oh yeah.
You like that? Oh yeah, I do. I like that. But now, you know, I'm married to somebody who is. He was total. It's like this total neat freak. Anti ass eater. Well, yeah, he's not a particular person that he would like to do that. You know, I think when I make him do it, I would be like, he was in bondage and I'm just like sitting on his face to torture him. So that's OK. But you know, I also told a certain person that if he quit smoking all together, I.
Know who that person is? You know who? That person is that he could lick my ass. So you know I'm all about sticking to my word. Now, he hasn't said anything more about it, but, you know, I'm open to it. But it's just, you know, it's one of those things where it's like, it's really intimate. So it's like, I think I might have to wear, you know, panties and. That doesn't make it fun. Well, it can make it fun. Why don't? You do like edible panties. Oh my God, What?
You're so gross. That's a. Good idea Or like damn a fruit roll up or something you know what I'm saying? I don't want to eat no cotton ass. I want to feel the skin and it pulsating in my mouth. You are hardcore. I'm not letting them go down in my vagina. That's not, I didn't say vagina. I'm just clarifying on this. You know a butt pulses too whenever you get going. I'm, I'm aware, I'm aware. No. So back to oral sex. So anyway, I used to go, God,
this door is wide open. It's like, God, I hope my mother's completely deaf. But anyway, there used to be this really cute guy. My friend Crystal would always say, oh, caramel. Oh yeah, he was a caramel God, he was hot. Anywho, he was a. Caramel. That sounded racist. He was a caramel. Like what? No, he was a black man, obviously, but he he just had a really pretty hue to his skin color and it was like caramel. So I would call my little caramel lover.
And so he was really fantastic in bed. He really was. He was gentle and just sexy. But let me tell you, the oral capabilities of this man I've still never had yet to this day. Yeah, I feel like that's going to be my ex-husband. He was good at doing that. Oh yeah, 'cause. You know, he would come so fast that he kind of had to do it. So he was always on it so and he had to work on it. OK. And we were. Together for 13 years. See, now I hit the microphone. God it.
Was just chaos today. Total chaos. I got dogs over here, dogs over there, my mom downstairs. But yeah, so I mean, I think though when the longer you're with somebody, the better they're going to get it stuff. If they're willing to learn, you know, they think they're just good at it. They're just going to keep going the way they think they're going. Yeah, Instead of listening to you.
See, the only thing about like someone like, well, like with your ex-husband, he was a virgin when you met him and he's only been with you. Yeah, so he learned that shit. So he, yeah. So you have to really learn that. See, with, with my husband, it's more or less like, hey, we're going to do bondage and you're going to be forced to do this because I think he likes the aspect of being forced, you know?
But other times it's nice to be like, hey, get over here, do this, you know, but everyone's different. Everyone is different. But I will say that my caramel lover from years ago was absolutely incredible and bad. Just just saying. So I think certain people stick out, you know, And he wasn't one of those guys that had him like a massive Dick. Because I told you I'm not all about that massive Dick. I don't think it's about the Dick, it's about the head it. Is it is.
You know the the G spot's only like 2 inches in there? Yeah, all you need is 2 inches. You need a good. Head. No kidding. No, I mean I want to live. In one or two inches. But you know, we do like a little. More I do like, I mean a finger I can get out of the finger for the rest of my life if I had a really good finger in there. I still need showing you the picture of the guy that has had the 26 inch cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot. I did not know.
Yeah, see, I've told this story to people before, but he was the one when I first met him, we had talked and when we were talking at some point in time, he ended up having to go into the hospital because the pressure with the constant blood flow going to his stick, it affected his heart. He couldn't get like a reduction. Well, he had to go get a reduction, but they only do those types of reductions at the time in California. They couldn't, they couldn't do them here.
So he went before he went and got this reduction. You know, he was in the hospital. They said, OK, we've got to schedule the reduction, blah, blah, blah. But for now, you have to live with it for the next, you know, couple of months. And he couldn't break away because he was taking care of his elderly parents, so he couldn't leave the house normally unless he had a plan setter. So I'm like, you know what, I'm going to come and meet you.
You seem like a nice guy. I knew him through a friend. And of course, when I met him, he came out in his garage and I was like, you know, he's wearing long shorts, but he had to make sure they were extra long, you know, And my God, that glory when he like pulled his pants a little bit down and then just kind of pulled out that fucking bat out of his pants. I was like. What that's that's too much? I wouldn't know what to do with it.
I mean, there was no way you really can have sex comfortably with it. Serious. No, no way. You know, I mean you can. Get like the head in and that'll be it. You could get more than the head. So it was thin. No, it wasn't thin. It wasn't a fucking coke can though either. OK, so it's like a just a earthier Dick normal and then just really fucking long. It was thick. It was like the mini cans, put it that way.
I could do that. It's still pretty big, but yeah, at the time I was like, I just want to, you know, suck his Dick. And you know, he didn't even have. Balls like a tree. Exactly. He didn't even have massive balls either. So anywho, just picking it up was like like I was a flautist in in grade school. So I was like, I can't hold it sideways like a flute, but I sure can't play the fucking clarinet right here.
That's cool, I would have liked to do it just to say that I did it, but I feel bad for him for like long term relationships. Yeah, well, and this guy was amazing. He went and he took care of his dying girlfriend. She was dying of cancer, took care of her, took care of his elderly parents. One had Alzheimer's. I mean like he did nothing but give give give. And God definitely gave him back they.
Sure did. Well he has this disorder that even after he had the reduction it still grows so it doesn't even matter. So the blood just still fills it up. Yes. Even after reduction. That's wild. Well, and it's going to continue to grow, period. That's the issue. And it is a condition, I forget what it's called, but there is a condition with that. So, you know, this has been, you know, 11-12 years ago, one of them snoring. I know you can hear it. Yeah, it's been like 11-12 years.
And that's Twila over there snoring behind you. And that's sweet. But. But anyway, I can now imagine that it's grown even more because they cut it down to 9 inches. That's doable 9 inches for some people. At least somebody can handle. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's just fabulous. So now I don't. Know still pretty big. I would like maybe like a 8, seven and a half. Yeah, I think he's just cool to look at. I mean, yeah, but not for a long term relationship. I'm not.
It's hard to take. I told you about that one guy and he was cordless phone guy and ginormous. I mean, we couldn't even connect having sex, you know, because he had to go for so far back, you know? Yeah. Crazy. I know all these men. You know all men want a big Dick. You know they want it. But even when they have it, they they still complain about it. They still complain. It doesn't matter. They just want bigger, bigger, bigger.
Yeah, and. Then when they're too big, you talk to somebody as too big of a Dick and they're like, I just wish it was normal. Yeah. Just so I can please my woman. That's all it's about. It's just pleasing your woman. You think that a bigger one's going to please her? No. It's about how you work it. Exactly, exactly. All right, I think we've bored them enough with our handshakes. This one's been quite interesting. Oh, my God, it's been interesting.
We're going to edit some of this shit anyway. Until then, you know what? The sirloin. You always look at me like, Oh, oh, you're in the headlights. Oh, is it then? Oh, do I need to say something? I love it. Sorry. I'll redo that. All right, Liv, it's been fun. So you want to tell everyone goodbye? Goodbye. It's the latest episode of. Call me Mistress.